really confused

[vanilla706 0]

so I’ve had a vanilla relationship and I’m very monogamous. 

after an eight year marriage, I found myself single and trying to go through the dating process with the online apps (Bumble/FB dating)

 

I met someone who is not my typical type, but trying to go with the understanding that opposites attract. I thought I would give it a whirl and within a couple of days she was very open about the fact that she was a swinger with her husband, the last five years of her marriage. she claims that it was all his idea, and she went along with it just to be pleasing to her husband, and I just find that a very hard concept to grasp.

 

immediately my stomach turned upside down, but I consider myself very pragmatic and very much an intellectually and emotionally mature person so I walked through it during conversation.

 

Long story short is I’ve been working on trying to accept her past, even though I find it morally disgusting while simultaneously embracing the idea of “live and let live”

 

we made a ton of progress and I thought that everything was good with my ability to accept this past Because I realize it has nothing to do with me now, except that it is impacting me on an emotional level, then we had two scenarios back to back that my worst case scenario

 

she met somebody that she used to be friends with on the roller derby team, and it was almost like she was bragging to this person about sleeping with another girl that they both knew seemingly out of the blue and for no apparent reason, other than to brag about it, it was embarrassing to me, and I found it to be unnecessary

 

then fast-forward a week, tonight, she was at an event for her school(where she works) and wouldn’t you know it, she runs into a couple that she was swinging with one night and it happened to be an old acquaintance from her high school and I lost my shit. she told me it was a quick two sentence conversation and then she moved on to do something else but my problem is that if I go to her events, this is what’s going to happen and so literally my biggest nightmare came to fruition. as a result, I told her that I would never go to any of her events for fear that this will happen again.

 

to keep the short Ish, I’m just trying to sort through how I’ve manage to navigate this situation because it is a constant reminder. 

 

please help me understand this

Edited August 31 by vanilla706
left out detail

[TnA83 314]

Life is too short.  If you're going to lose your shit every time she meets someone they played with, it will be a miserable existence. I would leave her to someone that is much more open minded. 

 

There are plenty of potential life partners out there more suitable for you. 

[lcmim 1,086]

Do her a favor. Leave.

 

She can not change her past.

You are not ready to handle it.

[couplers 4,717]

9 hours ago, vanilla706 said:

within a couple of days she was very open about the fact that she was a swinger with her husband,

I give her credit for being open, honest, and prompt.  Not trying to win you then disclosing her sexual preferences. 

[PeterJ 959]

🙄