When to say no

[MarniJohn 172]

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for many years. Our thing is usually just to swap with one or more couples.  I am not really into women but will occasionally play if the situation is right.

We met another couple that we see pretty regularly at a swing club. He is much older than she is and he likes to watch her with other men.  We have played with them but clearly the man prefers to watch her play with my husband (I don't take any offense, don't think it has much to do with me).

He would like for my husband and I to entertain her for an evening in our home while he is away on business. Would like to FaceTime or see a video of the 3 of us playing.  

Here's the question:  My husband told me about the request and asked me what i thought. I immediately said I was not interested but he was free to play. I then asked him what he wanted and he said, "Nevermind, I'll give them an excuse".  

Thoughts?  I know he is interested...

 

Edited September 5 by MarniJohn

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,389]

He is interested but thinks it's a bad idea.  I'm sure he figures that, despite your permission, this is likely to land him in trouble. That's what I would think.

[Half MT 226]

If either of you says No then it’s No for both. 

[AdamGunn2 398]

It seems to me you may be at a cusp in the LifeStyle. Assuming your husband would like to play with her, he is being careful about your feelings. And he is to be commended for that.

 

Now, assuming you really don't mind if he plays with her without you participating, you may choose to encourage him. This will open up your relationship to soloing, which is simply another flavor. If you have that talk, and he decides to have fun without you, then when/if you decide you'd like to play without him present, he should be willing to allow you this boon.

 

On the other hand, if this is a step either he or you don't wish to take, then you'll still be having fun in foursomes or the other flavors you're already participating in, right?

[MarniJohn 172]

I appreciate the thoughts, they are all valid!  Adam you are on the money because that's exactly what he said when we revisited the prior discussion.  Neither of us has any interest in taking that step and he texted back that we only play as a couple and would be happy to see them both soon.  

Thank you to everyone!

[couplers 4,640]

On 9/5/2024 at 12:49 PM, MarniJohn said:

said I was not interested but he was free to play

That was loving, kind, and generous.  Did it also feel liberating for you?  

[MarniJohn 172]

On 9/8/2024 at 6:58 AM, couplers said:

That was loving, kind, and generous.  Did it also feel liberating for you?  

Funny you ask that, because it did.