Bad experience in first threesome

[Niall 2]

I brought the idea of a threesome with another man to my wife about four years ago. Originally she was very against the idea, but after the topic being dropped multiple and me bringing it back up, she came around to the idea of it in the last few months and now really wants to try it.

 

Last Saturday on the way home from a concert we on a whim met up with a guy she had been talking to a while who she really wanted to have sex with. We ended up meeting him at the side of the road late at night and we all got into the back seat of our car.

 

My wife was in the middle and she was going between the two of us kissing us. We then both sucked on her nipples and I fingered her. It was at this moment I realised I wasn’t hard and the more i thought about it the more I couldn’t get hard.

 

My wife started to suck the guys cock and then she came over to me. She tried to get me hard but nothing would work. She asked me what I wanted to do and I cut it off and said I couldn’t do anymore.

 

I have thought about this moment for over four years and now this negative experience has really set me back with my self confidence and I now see what I was originally enjoying in the backseat, as a negative, whereas my wife is the total opposite.

 

She loved the whole thing and was disappointed it was cut short as she wanted to go the whole way with us.

 

My confidence is now at an all time low and it has caused arguments over the last few days because my wife is now really invested in it and is dying to do it again but I am so terrified it will happen to me again.

 

My self esteem is so low that I’m starting to believe she is more interested in the other guy, even though she constantly tells me it’s just sexual feelings towards the guy and nothing more

 

Was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me as I’m really struggling to deal with the way everything played out.

 

Any advice is appreciated 

 

Thanks

[AdamGunn2 328]

The first time you try something like this, the unexpected often happens.  Yeah, it happened this time. But just because it did one time doesn't mean it'll happen again.

 

First, get out of the back seat of the car. You aren't in high school anymore. Find a place where you can lay down, be comfortable. You know, a hotel room, a bedroom.

 

Secondly, take an ED med. Yeah, that'll help.

 

Thirdly, just enjoy the situation. You'll be amazed at how hard you can get while enjoying the sight of your wife and another man.

 

And finally, and most important, stop fighting about it!  You encouraged her to do this, now that she's given in, you're upset about it?  Relax, take it easy, let the good times roll.

 

Best of luck to you. 

[Niall 2]

Thank you very much for the advice. It helps a lot

[enhancer 1,581]

Like everything in this lifestyle the fantasy does not always line up with the experience!  Remember this is something you pushed for and it sounds like many years.  Do not be upset with her for finally embracing the idea and enjoying it.  You wanted this and now she does.  That does not make her a bad person.  
 

As far as you not being able to get it up that is a completely normal thing in these circumstances!  It is something out of your normal comfort zone.  The more you obese and think about it the more likely it is to happen again.  Also agree with above poster that the back seat of a car is probably not the idea setting for a first experience. 
 

I am going to be honest and blunt.  If she is still interested why not take the pressure off yourself and her and let her have sex with another man of her choice with you present without the obligation that both of you will have to be having sex with her or neither?  Let her enjoy the experience and enjoy her having pleasure.  If you do get hard join in and if you do not be supportive.  No pressure on you means no over thinking.  This could eventually lead to what you wanted in the first place.  
 

If you can’t get over feeling jealous or that she wants other men more then you stop now and fix what you already have.  It can’t be just about you and your wants.  She needs to feel like she is getting something out of it other then being your slut wife.

[Niall 2]

Thank you so much for the reply. Great advice

[njbm 2,823]

Get back on the horse! And do use ED meds if medically prescribed. 

[couplers 4,463]

23 hours ago, Niall said:

She loved the whole thing and was disappointed it was cut short as she wanted to go the whole way with us.

You should have let her complete her activities to her satisfaction.  Enjoy the show and try again next time.  It's not just about you. 

[fireman86 4]

22 minutes ago, couplers said:

You should have let her complete her activities to her satisfaction.  Enjoy the show and try again next time.  It's not just about you. 

Guao better explained impossible.  get some ED pills, I had to at the beginning, even that when I was with my wife I was rock hard but in a swinging setting I could not get hard at the start. It will pass as you ease. 

 

 

Edited September 13 by fireman86

[MrMrsswinger 200]

I agree with the others that not getting going the first time is pretty normal. Getting insurance from a doctor isn't a bad idea. If you decide to get some medication, make sure you get real stuff from a doctor, not some stuff from mail order places. 

 

Don't worry, once you do get it up and running you'll likely finish must faster than you normally do because of the heightened atmosphere. 

 

The lifestyle is heavily weighted to the ladies. They get 90% of the attention. They can go as long as they want. For us guys, well, we're along for the ride.  We have to worry about getting hard, staying hard and then not blowing too fast. 

 

As long as you're good with your wife having a good time and having an endless stream of guys who seem to be well endowed and stamina for days, enjoy the ride. It is quite fun.

[Niall 2]

Thank you everyone for your advice. It has helped a lot. After sitting and having a real good talk with my wife about the whole thing, we now feel like our bond is even stronger now.

 

I’m now ready to throw myself back into this head first and take everyone’s advice and relax into the situation and not panic if it’s not happening for me and be fully supportive of my beautiful wife.

 

Thank you all. As always any more advice for us as a couple is greatly appreciated 

[bbarnsworth 2,604]

The above advice about not having an erection is excellent.

 

There's a common misconception that guys can get hard anytime, anywhere, for any length of time, for any reason, like our pensises are on-demand switches we can do with as we will. It's not like that. We're humans. Sometimes things can overwhelm us. Sometimes we're stressed. Sometimes something is so new it's too much to handle. This is perfectly normal, and is in no way a reflection on you, nor your interest level in having threesomes.

 

The first time my wife and I played with another couple (a soft swap), I had trouble getting and maintaining an erection. The woman I was playing with was wonderful in every respect. That first time was a real struggle. We got to play with the same couple again about a month later. I got hard and stayed hard that time, no issues at all.

 

 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,324]

Our first LS experience was an MFM 3sum and, while it's very common for men to have erection problems at first, I had the opposite problem.  I got too excited and finished in about 30 seconds.

 

The terms of the 3sum were that my wife (then girlfriend) would only perform oral on him, but my lackluster performance caused us to change plans.  It takes me a while to recover, so I spent the remainder of that encounter watching the other guy expertly fuck my wife to orgasm.

 

That was a bit of a mindfuck but we still enjoyed the experience enough to continue and I didn't experience erection issues until our first MFMF experience a couple months later during our first visit to a swing club 😀 

 

It doesn't always play out the way you hope but hang in there!

[couplers 4,463]

22 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

I got too excited and finished in about 30 seconds.

 

The terms of the 3sum were that my wife (then girlfriend) would only perform oral on him, but my lackluster performance caused us to change plans.

Good that you put your girlfriend first and you

22 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

spent the remainder of that encounter watching the other guy expertly fuck my wife to orgasm.

Very considerate and generous of you.  Did you go down on her as well?

 

 

Edited Tuesday at 10:35 AM by couplers

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,324]

2 hours ago, couplers said:

Very considerate and generous of you.  Did you go down on her as well?

This was way before I was comfortable with eating creampies 😛

[couplers 4,463]

22 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

This was way before I was comfortable with eating creampies 😛

I wasn't thinking of his, just your own, to finish her off.

 

On 9/16/2024 at 5:58 AM, hunterdonNJcpl said:

I spent the remainder of that encounter watching the other guy expertly fuck my wife to orgasm.

So how did it make you feel?  Guys can get weird post-orgasm, from calmly watching, to not wanting to see more, to excited.  Why is that? 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,324]

23 hours ago, couplers said:

So how did it make you feel?  Guys can get weird post-orgasm, from calmly watching, to not wanting to see more, to excited.  Why is that? 

Watching the woman i love with another man felt like a 1000 volt shock to the system - that hurt so good.

 

It felt that way then and it still does to this day!

[couplers 4,463]

48 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

that hurt so good.

 

It felt that way then and it still does to this day!

That is exactly how I feel watching either of "my" men with Clair or Lora or another woman.  Or watching Clair or Lora with one another, or another woman.  The sting of jealousy, but do it again. 

 

At first I thought nothing could be better than having two men who loved me, fucked me, and were monogamous with me.  And I liked the challenge of giving them everything they wanted.  But sharing them heightened my desires and brought out my Lezzie side I would not have otherwise discovered. 

 

48 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

Watching the woman i love with another man felt like a 1000 volt shock to the system

The first time a woman let me watch I kept thinking, "He's enjoying her so much, is she better than me?  She enjoying him so much, does he feel the same to her as he does to me?"  After they finished, I was compelled to take his limp dick in my mouth and taste her.  Clair was the first to let me watch and lick my husband’s cum out of her.

 

Both sides of playing are to be appreciated. 

 

 

Edited 8 hours ago by couplers