No Joy in Watching Wife

[NoAngels 349]

We have an open marriage, I enjoyed women on my business travels, my wife has affairs with married men. There is more to that story I’ve posted before. 
I had two women I would meet in different trips, I knew them very well sexually, knew their likes, they knew what I enjoyed. Each separately were enjoyable and as all partners gave a different experience. Over the years I also cheated with others. 
Angel, my wife, enjoyed many men, none for a long time. She told me she enjoys variety, every man is different of course. 
My wife included me in a few of her meetings, her idea that I went along with. I tried to enjoy the threesomes but I told her I don’t enjoy watching with other men, I was happy she enjoyed. 
She also has set up threesomes with women a thing I am grateful for I did enjoy watching her with women. 
We now have had true swinging, parties and other couples. I still get no thrill watching her with other men, I would rather play alone. 
Am I the only one who doesn’t enjoy watching? I don’t mind her telling me about the men she meets and what they do, I don’t need to be there. 

[cplnluv1 874]

There are swingers, swappers, polyamory and singles that post here. We found there is no one category that we all fall into. I can’t agree with your cheating, I’m not your wife. In the years we met new people we met mostly new couples looking to expand their sexuality. I heard of hotwifing and cuckolds, I just don’t understand those labels. Because of our search being limited to married women looking for their first female experience all the men wanted to watch that. Not all men wanted to watch their wife with a man. Not every woman wanted or let their husbands get involved. Marriage and relationships come in more flavors I can imagine, if you are fine with an open marriage and don’t enjoy swinging it is a choice both of you made. 

[AdamGunn2 418]

3 hours ago, cplnluv1 said:

There are swingers, swappers, polyamory and singles that post here. We found there is no one category that we all fall into. I can’t agree with your cheating, I’m not your wife. In the years we met new people we met mostly new couples looking to expand their sexuality. I heard of hotwifing and cuckolds, I just don’t understand those labels. Because of our search being limited to married women looking for their first female experience all the men wanted to watch that. Not all men wanted to watch their wife with a man. Not every woman wanted or let their husbands get involved. Marriage and relationships come in more flavors I can imagine, if you are fine with an open marriage and don’t enjoy swinging it is a choice both of you made. 

My goodness, what a post.

 

First, the OP never said he was a cheater, he and his wife had an open relationship.

He also said he enjoyed swinging, just not in a situation where his wife is present: That can include separate rooms.

It is a choice they made together, so if they're fine with it I'm not going to criticize.

 

My definition of hotwife is this: A married woman who has sex with others with her husband or SO's approval. If the woman humiliates her husband while doing so, then he is a cuckold. If humiliation is not present in their relationship, they have a stag/vixen dynamic.

 

To the OP: I'm a man who tremendously enjoyed watching his wife. We had many encounters with single men where they enjoyed my wife and I simply watched, or participated in an MFM. During foursomes, moresomes, house parties, etc. I was more interested in the females I was with than watching my wife. But that's me.

 

If watching your wife isn't exciting to you, that's just fine. You seem to have worked out what the two of you want.

Edited October 23 by AdamGunn2

[cplnluv1 874]

6 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

First, the OP never said he was a cheater, he and his wife had an open relationship.

Did you see what he posted?

11 hours ago, NoAngels said:

There is more to that story I’ve posted before. 

Look back at his posts where he stated he was a cheater and his wife took revenge by joining Ashley Madison. 
Follow his posts where they agreed to that open marriage and learned to accept both of their wants. They evolved into swinging with him saying he rather not watch her play. 
I am not aware of definitions, I just figure Hotwife is a husband showing off and Cuckold is a spouse being humiliated. If I am mistaken I’m sorry. We are not into labels we enjoy our life without putting those labels on. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

@NoAngels - is that bc seeing your wife with other men stirs mixed emotions... a bit of angst and perhaps some jealousy?

[couplers 4,717]

On 10/23/2024 at 9:57 AM, NoAngels said:

My wife included me in a few of her meetings, her idea that I went along with. I tried to enjoy the threesomes but I told her I don’t enjoy watching with other men, I was happy she enjoyed. 

This is certainly not unheard of.  Shore2please has written several good posts about it.  Quoting one:

 

"I am a wife who rather swap in separate rooms. I don’t want to watch what goes on between my husband and the other woman...  I watched my husband and his [the other man's] wife. I think I wanted to turn away, I couldn’t. Ladies how do you feel watching?"

 

Although I get incredibly jealous, I OTOH, act on my jealousy and enjoy it.

[NoAngels 349]

22 hours ago, AdamGunn2 said:

First, the OP never said he was a cheater, he and his wife had an open relationship.

I did tell how our open marriage started. I was a cheater and my wife found out. I had two regular girlfriends in different cities and would occasionally meet others on business trips. My wife in what I call revenge joined a famous cheaters site. Was I supposed to be jealous? It ended up her cheating saved our marriage. 

[NoAngels 349]

14 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

@NoAngels - is that bc seeing your wife with other men stirs mixed emotions... a bit of angst and perhaps some jealousy?

Mixed emotions or boredom. 
I see there is another poster saying she likes to be alone with a partner, I’m not alone. When I meet women I’m there for fun with her. I don’t want her to feel unconditional either or worry what a looker would think. Even my one nighters are private times, time for me to have fun and be spontaneous. I enjoyed my road girlfriends because what we did was always both fun and spontaneous even after multiple times together. 
My Angel, my wife, meets men who are cheaters, men looking for an affair, men looking for something that’s different from their everyday life. My wife has her fantasy fulfilled by men looking to fulfill their own fantasies. She tells me about the men, some don’t have sex at home. Some never had oral sex, she said this very common. Never had a blow job and even more never ate a woman. My wife doesn’t want a long term affair, she admits she wants new partners. That is her excitement, men treating her like a queen, others treating her as a whore, some giving her gifts. I figure most men are looking for escape like I do, being themselves or being who they wished they were. 
I have been involved with some of her meetings, did things that were different for all of us. My thought is the men wanted a 3some and then were uncertain. Watching my wife doesn’t cause angst or jealousy, I’ve witnessed before. Watching her blowing a guy is no longer exciting and watching her on her knees getting rammed is a so what. What I like to watch is my wife with another woman where I get to watch and participate. 

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,421]

4 hours ago, NoAngels said:

Mixed emotions or boredom. ..

Watching her blowing a guy is no longer exciting and watching her on her knees getting rammed is a so what...

Well everybody is into something different i guess.

 

We've been doing this and every permutation possible for 26 years and it still excites the hell out of me.  I think she may have been bored with a couple partners along the way but never me.  Like I've said here 100 times, seeing my wife with another is like a 1000 volt shock to my system that hurts so good.  It was 26 years ago and still is today.

[couplers 4,717]

56 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

seeing my wife with another is like a 1000 volt shock to my system that hurts so good.  It was 26 years ago and still is today.

We haven't been at it as long as you, but I have the same experience, it has even intensified.  Jealousy, pain, euphoria, the joy of reclaiming. 

[Shore2Please 613]

22 hours ago, couplers said:

This is certainly not unheard of.  Shore2please has written several good posts about it.  Quoting one:

 

"I am a wife who rather swap in separate rooms. I don’t want to watch what goes on between my husband and the other woman...  I watched my husband and his [the other man's] wife. I think I wanted to turn away, I couldn’t. Ladies how do you feel watching?"

To this day I prefer separate rooms for a number of reasons. 
I’m not sure how long ago we swapped partners on a cruise, 9 or 10. The morning after that night I went back to my cabin and saw the other wife, who is now a good friend in bed with my husband. Thinking now I was jealous, we were younger and she is beautiful. I think another reason was while my night was perfect the next time I had sex with the man I made love to it was in front of my husband and the sex was not love making it was me being fucked in front of others, completely different. On that same cruise I was watched while a woman spread my legs. I know my husband loved watching us and enjoyed watching me having sex with the husband. Since that trip and our first swap we did swapping and we did parties. I also had sex with other women both in front of others and alone privately. The sex is much different alone. I discussed the reason with my husband many times and understood. When I have sex in front of him or in front of others I feel submissive. I let others take the lead more than I do. I suppress my enjoyment or orgasms, like can you suppress and orgasm. When alone I feel freer to be me, I’m not dominant just not as submissive. The part about watching my husband or watching others at a party is not that exciting. I don’t think I’m jealous watching my husband, I could say I’m more jealous of women who look great then I say I still look pretty damn good too. 
I just feel better without being watched or watching. 

[couplers 4,717]

First, I never intended to criticize you or what you prefer.  Our differences are what makes the lifestyle and this forum so wonderful.  I especially love the vicarious empathy I have for your feelings, somewhat similar, somewhat different. 

 

23 hours ago, Shore2Please said:

I don’t think I’m jealous watching my husband, I could say I’m more jealous of women who look great then I say I still look pretty damn good too. 

I'm jealous of both.  And it's not just their looks, it's how other women sexually please Red and David. 

 

 

 

[KatrinaandDriverX 121]

It's simple, do what you like, avoid what you don't. As long as you're both good with the dynamic, there's nothing wrong.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. 

 

Infinite diversity in infinite combinations.

[Numex 2,459]

On 10/23/2024 at 7:57 AM, NoAngels said:

I still get no thrill watching her with other men, I would rather play alone. 
Am I the only one who doesn’t enjoy watching? I don’t mind her telling me about the men she meets and what they do, I don’t need to be there.

At first we went the hotwifing route and I didn't need to see what my wife was doing. It's not that it turned me off or anything, I was just agnostic about it and figured that they would have a better time alone. When Daniela wanted to start doing MFM with me and her partners, I started to become an observer and appreciate her many styles of sexual expression beyond what she did with me. It then turned to her wanting to see me with other women so we got into swapping, and we appreciated seeing each other even more. Now we in a group of regular swapping couples and in order to get in as much activity as we, actually just she, wants we often play alone. Someone has to make dinner and watch the kids you know, so back to playing alone around 2/3 of the time.