I screwed up! I don't know how to fix it.

[Gigasangel 58]

I am using my husbands account because I cannot access mine. I need some advice because I don't know if I can fix this. 

 

My husband was open to allow me to experience a threesome because when I was younger I never got the opportunity to explore much. He has posted about the issue and about the fact that I had broken some boundaries. the issue was is that I was well aware what I was doing and I did it anyways. I was really upset that our sex life had taken a turn and I just wanted to experience everything I could but I didn't realize what I was doing. The reason our sex life was bad is because he was working so many hours so I could be a stay at home mom and he was suffering through an illness he never told me about and was not taking care of to not spend any money. I know what I did was wrong but I was having too much fun and I just didn't care. I promised him it would never happen again and I gave him all these rules I would follow if he would give me another threesome...I made sure that I respected our boundaries and because I disrespected him last time by being subservient to the other man I would make sure that I made the impression that he was king of the bedroom. Well I got what I wanted and I fucked up bad. The guy was fucking me to oblivion and he was dominating me in the bedroom and he grabbed my face and hair. He then told me to thank my husband for allowing me to experience his dick. He fucked me so hard that I was done and I came hard. I was too sensitive and couldnt do anything with my husband. because of this, because I was so wrapped up in my own pleasure I really really hurt him. He has began to spiral into a deep depression. He told me how hurt he was that I allowed another man to dominate me in the bedroom. I broke so many boundaries cause I was so wrapped up in the fucking. What can I do? He thinks if he can't fuck me like the other guy did and make me cum like that, that I will hurt him again. How can I fix this? How can I show him that he is the man of the bedroom without inviting the other person over again? I am scared he is gonna hurt himself because he is so obsessed with the fact if he can't fuck me like that, that I am gonna hurt him. I know its my fault for throwing the issue with our sexlife in his face when he was killing himself to give me everything I wanted and I know I am a monster for not caring about his feeling for the sex. I just don't know what to do right now? please any advice. Marriage counseling failed because I was manipulating it. What can I do to start the healing process so I can save my marriage but also save him from the pain I caused.

[lovefest04 701]

That paragraph is so full of manipulation I don't know where to start.

 

3 hours ago, Gigasangel said:

I promised him it would never happen again and I gave him all these rules I would follow if he would give me another threesome...

A little barter, I'll give you waht you want, even though I am the one that needs to apologize IF you give me what I want, and then you fucked up again...

 

If you want your husband you have to give up the swinging and threesomes. Period.

 

If I was your husband I'd be talking to a divorce attorney and do everything I could to get you out of my life.

 

It feels like you need to sow a few wild oats and you're not going to do that inside your marriage. Admit what you need and move on. Have the courage to fend for yourself, financially, and go play. Stop hurting your husband.

 

S

[KatrinaandDriverX 121]

Katrina here.

 

Rules, or not. Boundaries, or not.  You play with the fringes of sex and sometimes your 'nose' gets 'bloodied'. Sometimes you orgasm like you never have before. Other times you get 'fucked into next week'. Other times, you get all of that.

 

Rules, while in the throes of sexual passion are pretty dang foolish. You can have them, yet....  You learn from broken rules, you don't get depressed over it. His greatest fears became real. You agreed to 'terms and conditions' that he should never have asked for in the first place. Meanwhile, when you know you're doing something wrong and still do it, that's not nice either. We've always had sex with a 'no crime, no foul' point of view.

 

Inaction , lack of transparency and lack of trust placed yourself here. Forgive each other, be grownups and move forward. No one died. You learned a few things. 

 

Being a stay at home mom is a noble pursuit. Yet, if he's endangering his health, that's not how you do that successfully.  Frankly as a mother and wife, the fact you have any time for fringe sexual pursuits, tells me that perhaps you're lacking focus .

 

He needs to get healthy, you need to be Mom and you both need to focus on your marriage for a while. As far as the,"Oh, I didn't get to explore sex when I was younger ."  Well boo-hoo-hoo.  You cannot change the past and you cannot focus on the present while craving the past.

 

 

There's a nifty movie called Eyes Wide Shut. It's about a marriage. The husband is craving a place of sexual adventure and fringe experimentation. What he doesn't know, until later, is that his wife came from that 'place' and now wanted the family and marriage they had. In the end, they both return to their marriage. Not by regretting anything, yet valuing what they were in the present.

 

Forgive each other. Move forward. Be transparent to each other. Perhaps get a really good marriage counselor where you're honest.

 

And, once again, for you, some other guys cock is not going to make things better.

 

I finish this as a woman who occasionally enjoys sex with others. I enjoy it a lot. My sex partners, including my dearest husband,  seem to feel the same way. Yet, if it stopped tomorrow, so it goes. Because, it's not the woman who can have one hundred lovers, it's the woman who can make love to one lover, one hundred different ways.