MFM advices please

[ascensio 0]

Hi all,


We are a couple 5'9" both of us the same height, we are 31 years old and we've been together for 9 years

Let me begin with our story, I always wanted a threesome and finally about 2 or 3 years ago I have decided to ask my girlfriend/wife. She was reluctant in saying yes, mostly because she thinks it will affect our relationship in a bad way. I have explained this encounter would be only for exploring and only to try a new thing, I wanted her to feel good pleasured by two men and enjoy something new after all those years. Finally last week she agreed in trying a threesome, the condition is that we have to do far away from home and we would like it to be spontaneous, we don't want anyone from the website, we simply want to go to a night club and see what is coming our way. I said that the whole night should be relaxed and we shouldn't pressure ourself into trying so bad to find someone. My wife is very attractive and I have mentioned that I'm willing to spend our night mostly on the dance floor and if she can just "invite" men to join us dancing and rub against them in front of me to see how far they would go, basically exploring their limits, if we see someone is very confident, I would excuse to the bathroom and see if he would even go further, like touching her intimate parts and even trying to kiss and I said I would be more than happy for her to go ahead let herself carried away. My question is now, how successfull do you think this scenario would be ? 30% or 100% ? Any advice here please? We are planning to do this scenario in multiple places the same night with more than 1 person.
The next thing I mentioned that she should try to find out their size through their pants or do you think it's possible to actually put her hand inside their underwear without anyone noticing ? The reason I want this is because I don't really want anyone that has is smaller than me. She said that it's almost impossible to find someone's size through their clothes. What do you think ? She also said that she would someone taller than us and she always gets turned on by men in tie suits.

After we are going to have all this fun games, we will then proceed in inviting someone to our hotel room for some drinks and take it from there. I have mentioned that we should try DVP, now I want to try DP, she said this will be very difficult as she is very tight on her bum, I'd like to say that I only tried 2 times in there.

What do you think about those scenarios, do you think we can make them happen easily ?

I would be happy to find out people's experiences in trying this scenarios or similar? How did you feel the next day ? Did the 3rd person leave straight away after all has finished ?

Would really appreciate your advices of any kind you are willing to give.

Thanks in advance.


 

[couplers 4,718]

It is great that you two are having a discussion about the lifestyle.  My suggestion, however, is to ask your wife what it is that she would enjoy most.  Things like stranger sex versus someone she knows, like that guy at the gym or maybe even her female friend at the coffee shop.

 

Also, would she like to start with a threesome, or just the two of them with you there.  Or not there, maybe nearby.  Would she prefer a hotel or at home?  Sex play, at least in the beginning, is more emotional for women than it is for men, so talk about what makes her more comfortable.  The situations should be ones that make her look forward to the experience with joy, not anxiety. 

 

2 hours ago, ascensio said:

How did you feel the next day ? Did the 3rd person leave straight away after all has finished ?

My first MFM was with my husband and my boyfriend, both of whom I'd been screwing regularly for a long time.  So it was exciting, but relaxed.  It made me feel loved, powerful, confident for them to take me this way.

 

Whether the third person leaves or you all go out for pancakes then come back for more sex should be totally up to your wife.  If she's having fun, you will too.  And will continue to do so.

 

Be good to her.

 

 

Edited November 29 by couplers

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

There are lots of variations on what I call "the pickup game", which is essentially luring single men to your wife in a bar or club.  Most common, I think, is to simply set her up at the bar alone while you watch from a distance.

 

While it can be a fun game, you never have anything approaching a 100% success rate.  Probably 50% at best bc there are factors: will she be attracted to the men who approach her?  Will the men be freaked out once they realize your plans for them...?

 

Assuming you find a guy worthy of taking back to your room there are again lots of variables like he has performance anxiety, or does/says something stupid that kills the mood for your wife.

 

So play the game but with very little expectations.  Even if all that happens is you watch your wife flirt with other men it's still a hot turn on and you and your wife will have great sex together back at your room 😁

[couplers 4,718]

4 minutes ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

There are lots of variations on what I call "the pickup game",

You give much more practical advice than me.  Obviously, you two have played the game and enjoy it.  I haven’t, and my reaction is if I were discussing it with David and Red to put me out there to see what would happen.  (And my insecurities.)

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

25 minutes ago, couplers said:

Obviously, you two have played the game and enjoy it...

We played that game back when we were dating in our 20s and continue to play and enjoy it in our 50s 😋

[AdamGunn2 418]

Have you considered going to a swinger's club - rather than a regular one - to attempt this scenario?  You'd have much more chance of success.

[Half MT 239]

There are plenty of single men on the swinger sites that we skip over. Try one of the sites as most likely you will have plenty willing. 

[couplers 4,718]

22 hours ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

"the pickup game", which is essentially luring single men to your wife in a bar or club.

By "single men," do you mean unmarried or simply alone?  Both would be exciting in their own way.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,423]

1 hour ago, couplers said:

By "single men," do you mean unmarried or simply alone?  Both would be exciting in their own way.

In that setting it may be hard to tell the difference.  A guy may or may not slip off his wedding ring before making his move, and if he doesn't then it's your wife's call. 

[couplers 4,718]

1 hour ago, hunterdonNJcpl said:

it's your wife's call. 

The way it should be. 

 

I've gone from believing that sex outside marriage without consent by the spouse is wrong, to believing that being monogamous is unnatural and wrong. 

 

Having said that, however, I got close but never fucked Joe until I met his wife Shannon and she was good with it.  I'm glad that I did, not because of any moral reason, but because it ended up with all my poly family playing with them.  I've gotten much more pleasure from my Lezzie play with Shan and watching the others who I love in my family having sex with them than if I had just a couple of trysts with Joe.

 

I know, I make things complicated but it's how I am.  (And actually, although I sort of set up the initial conditions for a sexual encounter, David called them and made it happen.)

[PeterJ 960]

On 11/29/2024 at 4:06 AM, ascensio said:

Hi all,


I always wanted a threesome and finally about 2 or 3 years ago I have decided to ask my girlfriend/wife. She was reluctant in saying yes, mostly because she thinks it will affect our relationship in a bad way…
 

…The next thing I mentioned that she should try to find out their size through their pants or do you think it's possible to actually put her hand inside their underwear without anyone noticing ? The reason I want this is because I don't really want anyone that has is smaller than me…

…After we are going to have all this fun games, we will then proceed in inviting someone to our hotel room for some drinks and take it from there. I have mentioned that we should try DVP, now I want to try DP, she said this will be very difficult as she is very tight on her bum, I'd like to say that I only tried 2 times in there…

Would really appreciate your advices of any kind you are willing to give.

Thanks in advance.


 

@ascensio, you have invited advice. I’ve selected above portions of your original post. I’m struck by how much this seems to be about you and your fantasies, to the exclusion of how your wife might feel about this, to say nothing about how this would address her needs.. There is not a single mention about how what you propose would in any way be gratifying for your wife. My advice is that you read @couplers response and then read it 20 more times until it makes sense to you and you are ready to follow her recommendations. 

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

ascensio; first off, WELCOME! You're in the right place. Please keep asking questions! We will be happy to answer and help you on your journey.

 

I don't think your scenario of dancing together and hoping another guy comes up is going to work. If I'm at a dance club and see an attractive woman, I'm going to be interested. If I see an attractive woman dancing with another guy, I'll be interested but would never approach; she's already dancing with someone else. So, I think her dancing with you isn't going to result in another guy approaching you to dance with both of you.

 

Above, hunterdonNJcpl noted a more common scenario of having her sit at a bar while you are off in the shadows of the club somewhere. This has a number of benefits, including you not being immediately in the mix. This makes it easier for men to approach her. An attractive, well dressed lady at a bar by herself is going to draw attention. Such a lady with another guy (you) won't bring guys in.

 

You mentioned your wife likes a man in a suit and tie. If you choose an upscale nightclub, you may find that. The best chance is probably the nightclub of a high end hotel and earlier in the evening rather than later. Later in the evening it's likely they won't be wearing suits and ties.

 

There's downsides to this scenario. You mentioned that you don't want to find guys from a website. I can understand that, but the problem is you end up likely drawing in men who are looking to cheat on their wives. Some people are ok with playing with men who are cheating on their wives. For my wife and I, that's an immediate deal breaker. We've encountered that, and shut it down immediately. Do you really want your wife to play with someone who is cheating? Does she?

 

The cheating is bad enough in itself, but you also get men who do not understand the lifestyle. What can happen is that you can get men who find out how awesome your wife is, think you're insane for allowing her to fuck other men, will disrespect you, and will try to get her to leave you for them. That's just one aspect of a man who doesn't understand the lifestyle. Another aspect is the man doesn't understand his role, and that he needs to respect both of you and understand the rules.

 

Finding out if a guy has a bigger penis than you without actually seeing the guy naked and aroused is going to be very, very difficult. Let's play your scenario out; let's say your wife does stick her hand down a would-be-playmate's pants. Maybe he's not fully aroused yet, or is clearly smaller. What then? How do you break that off and move away? Sure you can just walk away, but how do you think this guy might respond? How do you respond to that? Think it through

 

There are a lot of single men on swinger dating sites. There's plenty of them that aren't worth your time. But, there are very good ones out there too. My wife has been fortunate enough to play with quite a few of them. There's been some duds along the way, but overall it's worked well. How? We've been highly selective and made it clear about what we want. Putting up a profile allows you the opportunity of filtering out some duds by making your profile clear about what you want. You can also leave a comment further down in your profile that proves to you they read it. For example, "If you've read this far please say the word 'blue' in your email to us". If they don't say the word 'blue' in their email to you, you know they didn't read your profile. Delete and block, move on. This helps quite a bit.

 

Anyway, I think you will find a lot better luck and better satisfaction by using swinger dating sites. Going to a club can work, but it comes with its own problems.