Newbie and need advice/input

[justcurious91 0]

Hello!..

 

My husband and I have been together 15 years. Recently we have started to discuss the idea of venturing into other sex play such as 3some (FFM). I was iffy at first, the idea of my husband with another women terrified me. I'm not opposed to it after some discussion/boundaries, I've actually come to want to try it. But so many couples approach us on sites. My husband is open to it, however I can not bring myself to sexually want another man. I don't feel like I'd even get turned on. Nothing about it is appealing to me what so ever. Is this normal? Does this pass? I have a wonderful husband and marriage and he'd never pressure me because his main this is comfort is important. I've slept with the same person for 15 years and maybe I'm just terrified it'll ruin everything and I'm too into my head about it 

 

Any tips on how to view this differently or better ease into it? 

[AdamGunn2 417]

1 minute ago, justcurious91 said:

I can not bring myself to sexually want another man. I don't feel like I'd even get turned on. Nothing about it is appealing to me what so ever. Is this normal?

Welcome to the board.

 

I think you've answered your own question. Ethical Non-Monogamy is not for everyone, and it is all about pleasure.  Since you feel you won't derive pleasure from opening your marriage, I can only say, Don't Do It.

 

At least not now, at this time.  Is it possible that if you keep talking about it and considering it, that your attitude might change down the line? Of course. Look back and see how other aspects of your life has changed. But that doesn't mean it will. And if it doesn't, well, you've still got a happy marriage, right? That's anything but a consolation prize, it's the main event. ENM should add to a relationship, not subtract from it.

 

Lastly, you say your husband won't pressure you. I'm so happy about that; no one should ever be pressured into doing something they don't want to do. 

 

Best of luck.

[hunterdonNJcpl 1,419]

There is the possibility of parallel swinging.  The idea is you meet a couple (also newbies might be best) and rather than swap partners you play with your spouses - in view of the other couple.

 

Swinging, especially in the beginning, should always follow a discussion of "the rules", and it's important not to proceed until all parties acknowledge and agree to abide by the rules.  The rules being that you can look at but not touch the other couple.

 

Then it may be possible to ease into things without fear.  It's quite likely that after all is said and done you'll wonder what you were so afraid of, then maybe agree to expand boundaries a little next time.

[Timmienv 0]

Hello 

I understand how frustrating that subject is. 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

The only view that matters is ... yours. 

A few years back, we wrote an essay that might be worth a read. 

 

Exploration of the LS can start at many levels. Have you, for example, considered a clothing optional holiday? Or going to a lifestyle event such as a cruise, just to "soak up the vibe"?  Rather than "jumping in the deep end of the pool", you might think about different strategies to test the waters. 

 

It is perfectly okay to say "At this point, I don't see myself being touched by anyone else, I don't want to be touched by anyone else...but I want to see what people in the LS are like."  Notice that I didn't say "what the LS is like"; I said "what people in the LS are like. " 

 

With the usual provisos about generalizations always having exceptions, every couple we have spent time with in the LS are truly in love with one another and have a level of contentment and trust that is frankly rare in the vanilla world. Put differently, you already sound more like an LS couple than a vanilla couple. 

[couplers 4,706]

Before we here can dispense any advice, a few background questions.  Foremost, what is your sexual experience, particularly with men other than your husband? With women?  Have you and your husband talked about your past experiences and what turns you on?

 

The number of other men isn't important, but have you had, and enjoyed, any casual sexual relationships where there was no expectation of permanence or exclusivity?  Have you ever had a threesome and did you enjoy it?

 

Has your husband offered for you to find a sex partner for you to enjoy without him doing anything?  That's often a good first step for an uncertain wife, it takes much of the fear out of it.

 

Regardless, think about it, talk about it; if done the right way, there is much pleasure in the lifestyle. 

[KatrinaandDriverX 119]

Just remember, this type of effort requires both sides acting like grownups about it. 

 

Remember, you are in love with each other. You're simply considering sex with others