Should I be Mad or Blessed?

[Half MT 275]

Tis the time of the year when friends who moved come back to town to visit family for the holidays. I have a lifelong friend who moved a few years ago that I still talk to all the time. We both married the same year and we had children around the same time. The kids are close and looked forward to seeing each other. Our parents are also friends, and are almost like family. 
When Tim and I found our new hobby we talked about the ifs, if there were a friend who would it be. Talk we knew would never happen, you can guess where this is going. I’m mad because Timmy told our friend, the husband that we did what we did. I don’t know how that conversation started or what was said, Timmy told me he told him which got me real mad.  I was so mad I didn’t want to see them at church on Christmas Eve. It was our plan to go to the early family candle service with them and possibly meet them after family dinner. I was going to back out, I couldn’t. 
At church was my family and their family so we all went the huggy kissy way. 
Peter told me. My heart sank, I turned white, I ignored. I didn’t know how to respond. Tell Me. I just said not now. 
I was mad at Timmy, I was mad at Peter and I must have looked sick because people asked if I was sick. I had to shut down the question in Church on Christmas Eve, not the place, not the time and I had no way I could talk about what we did. We were there for blessing not blasphemy. Joy not guilt. Was she damning me or were they doing what we did? Why was she so interested?  All thoughts were whirling if I could tell her. 
Later she said I have to tell her everything, my answer was Have You. NO! But!  
She later told me they talked about for years and couldn’t do it, it made for their hot talk alone. 
I still haven’t told her what we did, Timmy said he told her husband but doesn’t remember how detailed he gave. I know it would be the best time if we did swing with them. I searched on the board others that played with friends with mixed reviews and warnings. I’m afraid it would change things especially being a first for them and not knowing how they would handle it. 

[bbarnsworth 2,668]

You and your spouse really need to sit down and talk this out. Let him know where you felt tremendously let down, and get on the same page on all of this. The two of you need to get right with each other before doing anything else...even if you never did anything else.

 

IF you are going to swing with them, you'll need to have a serious talk with them beforehand. As two couples, you are all intertwined within the familial and friends relationships that span both families. It would be irresponsible to allow sexual fun to get in the way of that for everyone else. You'll have to assure each other that it won't blow up, and if it doesn't work out, you will do everything in your collective power to bring things back to where they were before you started this adventure. Any spontaneous happenings that begin the two couples swinging will likely invalidate this. Be responsible. Talk first. The consequences are big if you don't get it right.

[Half MT 275]

19 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

You and your spouse really need to sit down and talk this out. Let him know where you felt tremendously let down, and get on the same page on all of this. The two of you need to get right with each other before doing anything else...even if you never did anything else.

Thanks for the advice. Timmy and I are great because we do talk about everything including our fantasy meets. I love him ❤️   We had a talk weeks ago about who and if we would swing with if we could pick a friend. We laughed that who would be hot in bed. We agreed that these friends who now live far away now would never do it. I never thought he would tell them when I said I dared him to do it. I’m not mad at him, he did something I never thought we could do. 

 

19 hours ago, bbarnsworth said:

IF you are going to swing with them, you'll need to have a serious talk with them beforehand. As two couples, you are all intertwined within the familial and friends relationships that span both families. It would be irresponsible to allow sexual fun to get in the way of that for everyone else. You'll have to assure each other that it won't blow up, and if it doesn't work out, you will do

I don’t think any of us are capable of a serious conversation we laugh too much. What blew them away was that she knew I was a virgin bride. In view of Christmas she said she thought my two kids were from immaculate conception. You never really know what happens when people grow up or what friends you think you know do behind their doors. The said that they almost went to a club in Vegas, almost. 
We had a little serious talk about fucking friends and what if it goes bad, I could only add our few meetings with strangers proved we could do it which doesn’t mean they could. We knew if things went bad with strangers only we would know and it wouldn’t affect a friend. 

[ROCKlandCpl 458]

In the very beginning of Rocky and I playing I told my bestie what we did. I told her everything from us joining a meeting page for swingers to meeting a couple with a bi woman, it was the bi thing that attracted us to them. I never told my husband that I was going to tell our friend it just happened because I had to tell someone. It has been some time since that talk which didn’t lead to us playing with our friends immediately. Our friend came back to me asking to play but I decided it would be better if they wanted to do this they should be first with someone else. I was afraid of that our friendship could go away if things went sour. I hooked them up with our first. Happy I did. 

[KatrinaandDriverX 139]

"Can you keep a secret ?"

 

"Yes."

 

"So can I".

 

 

Ultimately you'll be fine. There's an adage,"If there's ten things coming up the road at you, none of them will hit the ditch".

 

One time we were confronted by someone who had heard something. All I said was,"They really must have mis-heard something when they were eavesdropping".  Ot, the reliable, "I think they mis heard something and took it out of context. Ytuly sorry how they misunderstood. Kinda funny, though". And move on. The person did press on what the misunderstanding could be. Ir plied,"I have no idea. That's why it's called a misunderstanding. " And again, just move on.

 

As the Queen would say,"Never complain. Never explain".

[findinganswers 377]

You can only have one first time. 
The first time with strangers is way different from the first time with friends in where if something goes wrong with strangers you file it away as just that, a mistake. There is more at stake when you play with friends and can be more complicated. When we had our first it was with friends, thankfully they are still our friends and still involved sexually. Years later I can remember just getting naked with friends was both fun and cautious for us. Later meetings with strangers undressing was less stressful. Looking back kissing a friend was stressful, something I now laugh at. 
As I post this it is possible you already decided what to do. My suggestion is asking all if there are restrictions, kissing for some are a no go, as is anal, and where you will cum during any act. 
Most important don’t take anything seriously, HAVE FUN. 

[cplnluv1 879]

If you haven’t gone further I have a few things to recommend. 
If you did let me know 😁

Alan and I have been the first for many couples with each being different. Some couples are very ready, some are hesitant, some are clueless. Even planning details you can never be ready enough for twists and turns. Ask questions as to what they expect but spontaneity is also the fun part. Kissing as unsexual some believe it is, it is to others.   Undressing ? Who goes first? Will they want to watch their spouse? Condoms? How far should oral go? Are they bi? 
Oh Have Fun. 🤩 

 

[lovefest04 707]

You're both.

 

If you had an agreement with Peter and he broke it you have a right to be mad. If it was me, I'd extract a bit of attention and penance for his misbehavior. Then I'd let it go after a discussion about our agreements. Clarity is king.

 

You're blessed to have a friend, confidant you can now share this part of your lie with. Maybe sexually, maybe just talk. A close friend who truly knows one is a blessing and should be cherished.

 

 

[WesternSwing 521]

It is a crap shoot in regards to what swinging with friends could do. Here is my experience:

 

Our best friends are a couple I met in the lifestyle with my ex-wife 20 years ago. My wife waded into an sexually open relationship with me three years ago when just out of blue her good friend and us ended-up  in a poly relationship. We have also played quite a bit with the husband of another couple I met in the lifestyle in 2005. We have not played with them, and they have not asked, either. We travel quite a bit together throughout the year with them, and we are both empty-nesters so we have private spaces and plenty of opportunity. My wife and I have talked about if we ever would play with them because there is quite a bit of sexy adult talk when we get together. We have decided it's not the best idea because our relationship as it is today started without sex and we like the relationship we have. Having sex with them will change our relationship in one way or another, good or bad, and we like our relationship as it is so much that we are not willing to take that chance.

 

Now our girlfriend I mentioned above, we were all in a relationship for about a year-and-a-half, we had threesomes, but it ended. Not any big blowup thing, but we don't talk anymore. My wife lost her best friend and I lost a romantic partner.

 

So in my opinion from personal experience and seeing other couples in the Lifestyle for over more than 20 years that played with friends, there is more success in making friends out of someone you fucked, than fucking friends and still staying friends. That's not to say that it isn't unheard of, but I don't think it is as common as becoming friends with someone you met because of sex. In fact, many of my friends today are people I was fucking 20+ years ago, even though we are not fucking today. 

 

[Half MT 275]

BLESSED 

 

Friends for life. 

[MidwestHoneys 369]

On 12/28/2024 at 12:11 PM, findinganswers said:

You can only have one first time.

But you can have first times with different people. 
Honey and I have had fun with first time swingers and I can say it is much different from swinging with swingers. 
How did it go for your friends?

 

[Half MT 275]

On 1/2/2025 at 9:43 AM, MidwestHoneys said:

But you can have first times with different people. 
Honey and I have had fun with first time swingers and I can say it is much different from swinging with swingers. 
How did it go for your friends?

 

I started to answer before I realized what I was writing was pornography. 
When we joined and posted here it was for advice on swinging and relationships, all I’m seeing now is graphic sexual accounts. I was guilty of describing sex acts on here to be accepted and thought that was expected. 
I will answer that things went well, the best experience we had and most of what we did with others were pretty good. 
To others that have played with friends did you have a harder time with kissing? Kissing during sex is natural for me but I hesitated kissing with our friends. 

[PeterJ 981]

39 minutes ago, Half MT said:

To others that have played with friends did you have a harder time with kissing? Kissing during sex is natural for me but I hesitated kissing with our friends. 

It hasn’t happened often, but I’m always a bit disappointed in an encounter where my partner(s) aren’t into kissing. But I also get it that for some folks kissing, particularly when combined with genital connection, represents a level of intimacy they don’t wish to engage. And I respect their boundaries.

[J&Wu 425]

2 hours ago, PeterJ said:

It hasn’t happened often, but I’m always a bit disappointed in an encounter where my partner(s) aren’t into kissing. But I also get it that for some folks kissing, particularly when combined with genital connection, represents a level of intimacy they don’t wish to engage. And I respect their boundaries.

No kidding, I love to kiss and suck and lick almost more than penetration and definitely as a preliminary.

[Half MT 275]

10 hours ago, PeterJ said:

It hasn’t happened often, but I’m always a bit disappointed in an encounter where my partner(s) aren’t into kissing. But I also get it that for some folks kissing, particularly when combined with genital connection, represents a level of intimacy they don’t wish to engage. And I respect their boundaries.

I am a big kisser, have been my whole life. Kissing helped me stay a virgin, probably frustrating my old boyfriends. Meeting others for swinging it was natural for me to kiss my partner before, during and after sex even with the wives. It was deep kissing our friends that didn’t feel right while the sex, oral and full sex was great and natural, fun too, kissing the husband was uneasy. 

[TricianMike 795]

On 1/7/2025 at 10:30 PM, Half MT said:

I started to answer before I realized what I was writing was pornography. 

Makes you wonder what others post. 

[couplers 4,817]

On 1/7/2025 at 8:30 PM, Half MT said:

I started to answer before I realized what I was writing was pornography. 
When we joined and posted here it was for advice on swinging and relationships, all I’m seeing now is graphic sexual accounts. I was guilty of describing sex acts on here to be accepted and thought that was expected. 

This forum is a mix of lifestyle discussion in its most general and abstract sense, advice included, as well as graphic descriptions of sexual activities that people enjoy.  It is after all a forum about non-conventional sexual relationships.  I have engaged in discussions of both types.  You are correct that there is an ebb and flow between the two and sometimes the pornographic discussions predominant.  Read and participate in the ones that interest you, ignore the rest.  I appreciate your posts, both those on relationship advice and the pornographic. 

 

[Half MT 275]

10 hours ago, couplers said:

Read and participate in the ones that interest you, ignore the rest

Lately I’m not interested in many of the new posts. To each their own