Rules for single males

[danc694u 19]

We checked over the rules for single guys. And, didn't see this one. It applies across the board though...single or married.

 

Introduce yourself to our faces, rather than attempting to introduce yourself to our crotch first!

 

Grrrr, this is a common problem at some clubs it seems.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I would think it would introduce yourself to our faces, not our tits!

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

After reviewing the posts in this topic I will venture to start a set of guidelines that will hopefully be means of helping both the single male and the couple seeking the single male for threeways.

It seems to be a bit odd that while the single male is befuddled and says there is way too much competition in the lifestyle you have the couples on the other side of the couch wondering why they cannot find a decent single male.

Many single males as well as couples eventually just quit looking.

 

Here are some suggestions for single males. Suggestions for couples will follow.

 

1: Don't bullshit. If you are married then just say so. You may be in for a destruction of your marriage as well as an unpleasant experience or two when you are caught, which you probably will be.

 

2: Don't bullshit. Practically every guy that has had more than a few casual sex encounters is convinced that he is the all-time lovemaking Don Juan on the continent. Be aware that the hubby of the fine lady you hope to connect with thinks he's pretty good too. Do you think you will get far with him by implying that you are better than him at having sex? Couples do not want single males for a sex guru. They are not attempting to have their first orgasm. They are simply using a single male as an added pleasure for fantasy fulfillment.

 

3: Don't bullshit. If you have told so many lies to hook a couple that you are now afraid to meet them then you may have pushed the envelope. Many single males are famous for getting right up to the point of meeting then copping out. (This holds true for some couples also as we all know.). If you want to have sex with a couple commit yourself to following up on meeting them casually first usually so they can judge your looks, personality, etc. to see if the famous "chemistry" is there.

 

4: Be yourself. Don't bullshit. I see a lot of adds that tell the whole story. Many guys are under the impression that they need to impress the daylights out of a couple to get them. They look at the overwhelming number of adds placed by single guys and think their chances are nil to none and just quit there. Believe it or not, if you are a decent clean, honestly single male you are a sought after item. I have been on both sides of this fence. My wife and I have occasionally searched for a single male although currently are not. I was astounded by the simplicity of weeding out the bad apples. You can be certain that your prospective couples will not even answer 99% of the adds they see and will not respond positively to 90% of the people that respond to their ads. Using simple math you have great odds of hooking up with a couple if you are who you say you are and place a good add.

 

That's all for now for the sake of brevity. Please add to this list and think of suggestions for couples too, if the urge hits ya. John

[Julie and Randie 15]

So John, is what you are saying...don't bullshit?? I have a few suggestions to add:

 

Treat the couples with respect...especially the women! Remember that YOU are the outsider! Perhaps the husband fantasizes about his wife with another man...but she is still his wife! Also, do not EVER even hint that you want to meet her alone. We find this kind of behavior quite an insult.

 

Single males are quite frankly a dime a dozen...so you need to find something that will make you stand out. A sense of humor, honesty, and sensitivity will get you everywhere.

 

I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a "recommendation" to others...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by Julie and Randie: I highly recommend having, for lack of a better word, references. If you have met a few couples, and it has gone well, ask them if they might give you a "recommendation" to others...

 

One thing to ad to this one. Make sure it's the couple you were with giving the references not you just dropping names. I have seen this one too many times. "Well I've been with xyz and abc and they had a great time". I'd much rather hear that from the couple themselves. It seems like many guys get the idea that if they've been with one couple that they can tell the world and everyone will want them now because someone gave them a chance.

[blue_eyez 19]

You may be saying the same thing, but let me be explicit about it...

 

Don't share the names of your reference without their permission. The couple you were with likely asked for discretion, which means you should get their approval first. You need to respect their confidentiality first and foremost, or can be most assured they won't be a reference for long!

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Remember she has a mind as well as a body. Yes physical attraction is important, but just as important, she has to be interested in you as a person.

 

The husband is just as important in the decision as his wife. If you pretend he is not there while getting to know one another chances are you won't get far.

 

If you get a phone number do not make all your calls when you KNOW the husband won't be there.

 

Don't become a stalker, even unintentionally. She is not looking for a boyfriend.

 

We are not trying to make you "Jump through hoops" or "Pass some kind of test". It's really quite simple:

1- She has to be attracted to you.

2- We have to feel comfortable with you.

3- Treat her like you would treat a good friend.

4- When she/we are ready she will make the first move.

[jcbicouple 24]

Remember she has a mind as well as a body. Yes physical attraction is important, but just as important, she has to be interested in you as a person.

 

The husband is just as important in the decision as his wife. If you pretend he is not there while getting to know one another chances are you won't get far.

 

If you get a phone number do not make all your calls when you KNOW the husband won't be there.

 

Don't become a stalker, even unintentionally. She is not looking for a boyfriend.

 

We are not trying to make you "Jump through hoops" or "Pass some kind of test". It's really quite simple:

1- She has to be attracted to you.

2- We have to feel comfortable with you.

3- Treat her like you would treat a good friend.

4- When she/we are ready she will make the first move.

 

Just a note: This applies just as much to single females.

[Tellya Later 15]

And that should honestly end the thread jcbicouple. If a single guy approaches a couple the same way he a single woman....he'll be hard pressed NOT to succeed...unless it's just not meant to be. And if that is the case everyone involved is adults should be mature enough to make their disinterest known civilly.

[jcbicouple 24]

Very good point, Tellya Later! and hopefully all the singles will pay attention to that great advice.

 

However, What we actually meant was that the single women need to read those "rules" too. They apply to them, just as much as they apply to the single males.

[gsu22 187]

I know the first thing I try to be is personable/nice because I think comfort is KEY. Granted, when you first see a person the attraction factor is either there or not. But if you're kinda "iffy" as to rather or not you want to pursue something with this person, I think with comfort can come more attraction. Soon you might be thinking, wow I'm more attracted to this person now that I'm more comfortable with them.

 

Also, another thing I've made sure I don't do is become obsessed or stalker like b/c I know if the tables were turned, I'd feel weirded out by some obsessed woman following my every move or calling at odd times asking for things. Like the earlier response said, the ladies aren't looking for boyfriends....

 

And I agree with the statement,- "single women should follow the same rules".

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I noticed that the rules indicated that the single should not just sit at the bar all night and then expect to play but rather he should move around the club and introduce himself to a couple, complimenting the wife.

 

Here's my point, nothing gets a guy a quicker turn down than one who instead of approaching us as a couple waits till Mr Spoo goes to get an other drink or something and they approach me alone. head bang

Now they can approach Mr Spoo alone all they want to get acquainted and meet me when I walk back but don't try to weasel in with me when he isn't around. Remember we're in this together and if you ignore him then the answer is NO when it comes to anything further.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[good times 991]

That is so true Mrs. Spoomomkey, Their is a guy at the club we go to that comes often, is well dressed and according to Mrs. GT is very attractive, and since I've got to know him he seems like a pretty nice guy. But he will never be invited to play with Mrs. GT because the first two times (and in fact every time since but the decision was made after the first two times) he approached her to let her know his interest in her was when I was temporarily absent (getting drinks, or bathroom break). And even though we have talked on numerous occasions he has never brought up the fact that he wants to have sex with my wife even though he has asked her straight out on several occasions when I wasn't within earshot. That's a party foul in my book.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Posted by good times;

 

...And even though we have talked on numerous occasions he has never brought up the fact that he wants to have sex with my wife even though he has asked her straight out on several occasions when I wasn't within earshot. That's a party foul in my book.

 

Why do you still talk to him at all?

 

Sounds like an untrustworthy fellow to me.

[good times 991]

Good question, he is kind of a fixture around the club, as he has been personal friends of the managers for years. He is one of two single males they allow into the club on couples only nights. It's kind of a small club so not having occasional contact with him is pretty much impossible. As you would imagine though I don't go out of my way to talk to him.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

That's interesting goodtimes and I completely understand you position with this single guy. This past Friday night we went to the club and as always this one single guy was there. Everyone refers to him as 'creepy single guy' because he fits the description to a tee. Mr Spoo has talked to him very briefly a couple of times but the single guy is usually just complaining because no one ever invites him in a room or lets him watch (but he keeps coming back). Actually there have been some who play with him but most of the regulars don't.

 

Sorry - all that to say that Friday night I wore a new shirt Mr Spoo bought me down at one of the ShortNorth shops we go to all the time. It's a hot pink t-shirt with black cap sleeves with a sexy nude silhouette of a woman with a devil tail and horns. Oh, and it fits really tight! Needless to say it got a lot of attention all night long. Anyway, creepy single guy drove me nuts! Usually at best I see him from across the club and Friday he followed me around everywhere and when Mr Spoo would step away he would comment on my shirt. Twice when I came out of the restroom I almost ran right into him because he'd wait for me to come out, using the excuse of helping direct me to where Mr Spoo was (as if I couldn't find him ).

 

Anyway, that's my rant on single guys trying to move in on the wife as soon as the husband steps away for a second.

 

Thanks for listening

Mrs Spoomonkey

[EternallySingle 32]

I noticed that the rules indicated that the single should not just sit at the bar all night and then expect to play but rather he should move around the club and introduce himself to a couple, complimenting the wife.

Mrs Spoomonkey

 

Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. It's in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

 

I guess it's just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

 

Still, I've seen the situation you're talking about. I took BW to a club once and the moment I turned to get a drink, I heard a slap and saw acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turns out he had played with her before and decided he could squeeze a melon. When I said "she's with me," he replied "she's just your ticket. Don't get all possessive." Good thing he was four inches shorter and about sixty pounds lighter than me. I felt too sorry for him to break his jaw.

[Mature Lover 15]

All good points, but very confusing. No bar at my club so I sit a table. Eventually a couple or two will join and we have a lot fun, conversation wise.

 

To get up and mingle with other couples is chancy. Most, I have found, don’t want to be interrupted. Stop, say hello, and it’s nose in the air look the other way. Getting a compliment in about the wife or expressing intentions is impossible.

 

Perhaps it’s the club I go to, it surely isn’t me. lol Anyway it seems the combinations are already set when the couples arrive. And the single females arrive with a couple. Now it’s hard enough for a man to approach these couples and say hello, and the single females are impossible.

 

The point I’m trying to make is that you have to know somebody, or arrive with another couple. I have never yet ‘got lucky’ with a couple or single female from a club. All sexual encounters have been with folks not associated with a club.

 

Please don’t misunderstand. The people at the club are great folks, pleasant, happy, fun, and most important, have a great deal of respect for each other, and me. A few I wouldn’t give you a plug nickel for, but they respect me and I in turn respect them.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Good question, he is kind of a fixture around the club, as he has been personal friends of the managers for years. He is one of two single males they allow into the club on couples only nights. It's kind of a small club so not having occasional contact with him is pretty much impossible. As you would imagine though I don't go out of my way to talk to him.

 

Ahhh, I see. And your right, there's no sense in letting this guy keep you away from a good time.

[jcbicouple 24]

Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. It's in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

 

I guess it's just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

 

 

The club we go to doesn't have any such rules. We don't think we would attend one that did. We've only seen one time where there was any trouble with a single guy who kept reaching in to touch a couple after he was told "no". He was immediately asked to leave the club. Most of the guys are very nice and fun (all of them that we've met, but we're sure there are some that we haven't met yet.). We or someone else will normally holler at them to come sit with us, even if we have no intention of having sex with them. It's not nice to leave people sit by themselves.

 

We don't remember any single guys hitting on C when J wasn't around. There has however, been a woman that was extremely flirtatious, whenever C walked away but would turn away and be far more conservative when she came back. Needless to say after a few hours of that, when C came back she just leaned over and whispered "I don't like her, she only tries to flirt when I walk away. No playing with her, ok?" End of subject: She wasn't getting anywhere with the one she had set her sights on. LOL! Now the single guy that talked to both of us, and the lady that danced and flirted (and a little more, with C there)...Well, let's just say we all had a really good time! Singles really burn their bridges by trying to be sneaky. It's an open atmosphere: Be open about your intentions. Everyone will have a lot more fun, and you might get what you want!

[k_francis 15]

Most clubs/events that we've attended don't even allow single males. One event, many years ago, had an open-door policy and charged heavily for entry. We learned that there were 100-150 single guys present and only about half a dozen couples. It was a "meat market" and we left pretty smartly... with another couple in tow.

[CABob 16]

A female friend and I attended a swing party in Nor Cali recently where single males were screened carefully and only a few good-looking males were allowed. Surprisingly, they were all gentleman and extremely well hung. Needless to say, my date had a multiple moments of extreme, orgasmic, pleasure.

[Russ 15]

Where in the midwest is this club where single guys are allowed to mingle and not just sit at the bar and try to look approachable? The only swing clubs I've been to since moving from out west all REQUIRED single men to stay at the bar. It's in their rules and the one I did get into as a single man (other than the one where I was treated like a stray dog with mange the week after my girlfriend moved) reminded me of that when I left the bar and went to the restroom. I couldn't even shoot pool unless a couple invited me.

 

I guess it's just where I've been. Hard to get a good impression of a place when you never get in the door.

 

Still, I've seen the situation you're talking about. I took BW to a club once and the moment I turned to get a drink, I heard a slap and saw acting like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Turns out he had played with her before and decided he could squeeze a melon. When I said "she's with me," he replied "she's just your ticket. Don't get all possessive." Good thing he was four inches shorter and about sixty pounds lighter than me. I felt too sorry for him to break his jaw.

 

Dittos- we must have been in the same clubs (aren't that many that even let the single males in) I remember the screening/rules briefing ...you know the private little chat...where you supply the right answers.

 

No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

 

Where must you stay? No wondering around, no leaving this room unless escorted/invited, bar & darts....blah, blah. Enjoy your evening, thinks for the $40 donation and the $100 membership...sorry although you are a N.A.S.C.A. member...we require you purchase 'our' membership and sign this 'release from lib' form.

[jcbicouple 24]

Dittos- we must have been in the same clubs (aren't that many that even let the single males in) I remember the screening/rules briefing ...you know the private little chat...where you supply the right answers.

 

No means no, "maybe later" means no... only more polite. How many times can you approach a couple or lady after the first 'no'- zero.

 

Where must you stay? no wondering around, no leaving this room unless escorted/invited, bar & darts....blah, blah, Enjoy your evening, thinks for the $40 donation and the $100 membership...sorry although you are a N.A.S.C.A. member...we require you purchase 'our' membership and sign this 'release from lib' form.

LOL. We thought of the board and all of the discussions about single males while we were at the club this weekend and couldn't help but laugh. There was another thread that talked about couples creating the very things they complain about, and we think that these "club rules" are a prime example of that. There were two or three attractive, polite, nice single males there this weekend mingling and talking and dancing etc. and as always we had a great time. We were wondering "Why is this club so different?" "Where are all of the morons?" and it dawned on us! What self respecting man would go to a club that treated him like a subhuman, and expected him to not only like it, but feel privileged for being allowed to be in the presence of other club-goers!?

 

hmmmmm...We think only those that are less than desirable. We couldn't imagine most of the males we play with allowing themselves to be treated like that. Would you go? Can you think of anyone that would?

[curious24 17]

I always thought that the rules were just common sense. If you didn't have that then you probably aren't going to go far in swinging?

[jcbicouple 24]

I always thought that the rules were just common sense. If you didn't have that then you probably aren't going to go far in swinging?

hmmmm...apparently didn't explain well enough again...Meant the swing club rules where the single males have to sit at the bar and can't go mingle or talk to anyone unless they are approached etc. We wouldn't consider that "common sense".

[curious24 17]

hmmmm...apparently didn't explain well enough again...Meant the swing club rules where the single males have to sit at the bar and can't go mingle or talk to anyone unless they are approached etc. We wouldn't consider that "common sense".

Actually yes I would. I would never approach anyone at a swinger club. Then again that's just me. I figure with the way the single male is thought of that it's obvious (at least to me) that approaching couples/females at a swinger club wouldn't be accepted.

[jcbicouple 24]

Actually yes I would. I would never approach anyone at a swinger club. Then again that's just me. I figure with the way the single male is thought of that it's obvious (at least to me) that approaching couples/females at a swinger club wouldn't be accepted.

 

Hmmmmm...the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, guess we're just weird. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority!

[Russ 15]

Hmmmmm...the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, Guess we're just weird. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority!

 

Actually, Right and wrong, the club that I was referring to by the post "guess we been in the same club" were the rules of a certain club in TN, there are much nicer clubs> the best so far where I was 'approved' is in your home state...Ft. Wayne. But then again, do all the couples know the exact briefing a single male gets when he makes it past the phone interview, and the screening...or could the 'posted rules' that the couples are shown differ from what is actually told the single male (in private)? If I could get by Ft. Wayne every Friday that would be great but you got to 'settle' for the club you can make it to...that's where you're at. So the main point is just follow the rules have a good time be happy you got in. My advise is not to think you're in a pick-up bar just a really great strip club...where you might just get lucky...and if not just enjoy your BYOB, be proud that you where clean& attractive enough, passed the interview, thankful that no one was standing there with a 'dick meter' and told you to drop your pants to be approved (that last part was a joke...I hope that's not a regular requirement at any club I might plan on checking out) and just enjoy the beautiful wives in their 'evening wear'.

[EternallySingle 32]

I actually think I'm going to ONCE AGAIN try and get an invitation to the club in Fort Wayne. I had received two in the past, but was turned away at the door both times. The second time, while I was on my cell phone trying to find a regular club to go to (I don't know why I didn't go back to the motel and call from there) I saw the 'security guy' high five three college age guys and lead them into the club. This after he said they were at their limit and the owner said not to let anymore singles in. I didn't want to make a scene on my first visit so I left. I found out later they had no such rule and said no such thing to him. They said if I had an invite, I was supposed to get in. Still, that was four years ago, and I just didn't feel it was worth my time, especially since I was having a lot more fun hanging out with single women than driving 3 hours to a club and would have to rent a motel room if I was going to stay long enough to really enjoy myself and not worry about falling asleep on the way home.

 

That would suck, and not in a good way.

[curious24 17]

Hmmmmm...the club we attend has no such rules, and if it did, we wouldn't go. The singles that have approached us, and other couples that we know, have been polite and well mannered. Not one has walked up and said "hey, lets have sex", or "hey, can I do your wife?". Every one of them has introduced themselves, and spent a little time trying to get to know us. Honestly, if some of the single guys didn't make an effort to talk to us, we would never know they were interested. Just doesn't make sense to us to treat single males as second class citizens. How many couples would go to the clubs if they had to sit at the bar and wait until a single guy escorted them into other areas? Seems ludicrous to us. Oh well, Guess we're just weird. This is certainly not the first time we're the minority!

I guess I just look at the club (granted I've never been to one and I'll probably never go because I just can't convince myself to pay the $50 to $100 cover) the same as the online world. Probably not a good idea however I wonder why it's so much different?

[curiousagain 326]

I have been intending for sometime to post something aimed toward those single males on websites and in clubs (although I have no experience with swing clubs) with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act. But, looking back at so many excellent post from both couples and singles on the board, I really am not sure how I could add to what has already been said without repeating it. And, probably in much less eloquence and brevity than the original posters.

 

Also, it seems that most who post here pretty well have a handle on the situation, so telling Noah about the flood would seem like such a waste of time. I doubt most of the troublemakers read, much less post here. Anyone wanting to pick up pointers, advice, or direction would do well to read through the posts on this board. And, I have never seen someone ask for advice without receiving lots of good advice from couples and singles. However, I would like to restate a few points. And also I thought it might be a good time to restate some of the advice to couples.

 

To single males AND females seeking couples

 

#1 NO means NO

#2 No sometimes means not right now. Don't keep going back and asking, though, when they are ready they will contact you. Sometimes you are tested to see if you maintain your manners and pride in the face of rejection.

#3 Couples are not two people, they are a couple. If this is a difficult concept for you to grasp, you have never been part of a couple. It doesn't matter if they full swap in separate rooms with you and another single. They are a couple. Treat them as such.

#4 The women of these couples are normal, everyday women who swing. They are not whores, sluts, sex starved housewives, nymphomaniacs, loose women, who have never really had it put to them like you do it etc. etc. etc.

#5 The Men of these couples are normal, everyday men who swing. They are not sex starved, brainless, lacking morals, fall in love with every female who drops her pants, idiots who don't know how to satisfy their wives and have never had a BJ like you give it etc. etc. etc.

#6 Trying to get either to leave the other or play behind their back will usually place both partners' boot so far up your ass it will take a team of proctologists, abdominal surgeons, and chest surgeons to surgically remove it.

#7 MOST don't give a rat's ass if you have an 8 inch penis or 40DD breast or both. There are more important things to be decided before they play with you.

#8 Be flexible but adhere to your boundaries/rules/obligations. Don't be a prima donna, but don't be a doormat either. Unless you are into BDSM and the roles are decided, I guess, I don't know, I don't go there.

#9 When you speak or email to one, know it will be repeated or shown to the other.

#10 These people are sexually liberated and pretty forward. If they want you to walk up and stick your hand in their pants or fondle a boob. They will tell you. Until that time assume they don't.

#11 Different couples want different things at different times. You know how to figure out what it is? ASK then LISTEN.

#12 Act like you were raised to have manners.

#13 smile, be friendly not lecherous or egotistical. When emailing a couple be aware, the husband usually screens the email. You have to get by the gatekeeper before the keymaster even knows you exist.

#14 Not everybody wants singles, understand and respect this. What if a couple thought you should let them tie you up and whip you even though you're not into that. Doesn't mean you have anything against couples, you just don't like being tied up and whipped. Then again maybe you do, but you know what I am getting at here.

#15 discretion means keep your mouth shut. It means if you see them out in the Vanilla world you act like you don't know them unless you have developed a friendship with them outside of playing.

#16 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.

#17 Do not change your own rules or ask someone else to change theirs during play.

#18 No matter how hot for you one of the couple is, the other has veto power at any time, and you are being watched constantly as to how you treat the most important person in the universe to them. Don't ever ever ever forget that. How long would you tolerate someone being rude and disrespectful to the most important person in your life? That's what I thought, about a New York second.

#19 If you want to keep getting what you've gotten, keep doing what you've been doing.

#20 Couples talk. Stand one up or try something shady and see how quick you are shunned. Act responsible, polite, etc. and be a competent lover and your main problem will be how to maintain a job and a house and still see half the couples contacting you.

 

For the couples wanting to play with the singles.

 

#1 No means NO

#2 Not right now means later when I have time or I am finished with my child's football season, or after I see if this present girlfriend is going to work out, etc. etc. Don't call me a stupid loser cause I decline. Don't tell me I will only get laid if I do as you say. You have to find someone that both of you agree on. I only have to meet someone that I want, I have more time to look, I'm getting laid more than you are.

#3 We are single, but we are a person. We are not a breathing sex toy. We are not someone who is sex starved, couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of twenties, socially misfit, brainless, do anything to get laid, fall in love with everything of the opposite sex, etc. etc. If we were, you wouldn't give us the time of day.

#4 We have rules and boundaries. They are there for a reason. Respect them.

#5 Treat me as a guest and I will act as a guest. Treat me as a friend, and I will act as a friend.

#6 If you only want to watch me with your wife, tell me ahead of time you are not going to participate but just watch. And don't stand behind me, it makes me nervous. :-)

#7 If you want me to answer your questions, answer mine. Don't expect me to go through the third degree while you take the fifth.

#8 don't act like you are doing me a favor and I won't act like I am doing you a favor. We are all here because we want to be. We are all giving and receiving, or at least that's the way we planned it.

#9 If you see me out in the vanilla world with someone you would give your left arm to be with, do not expect me to "convert them" and bring them to you on a silver platter. I am probably working on converting them or given up on it already. Please do not expect me to work miracles just because I am your third in a threesome sometimes. I don't "owe you" you don't "owe me". see #8 above.

#10 If I can't be free when you are right now, doesn't mean I can help it. And it doesn't mean I am not trying, life just gets in the way sometimes. This is ONE of the things I do and it isn't the MOST IMPORTANT. Family and job comes first. Can't be helped.

#11 Trying to get me to meet you behind your partners back will make me do my roadrunner imitation and leave in a cloud of dust. I am not looking for that. If I was, your spouse would have picked up on it and exercised their veto power.!!!!!! Love may blind them to your actions, but not mine, they are suspicious anyway. And, who needs that drama????

#12 Discretion means the same both ways.

#13 Make sure everybody is clear on everything before getting started.

#14 We watch how you interact as a couple. If it appears there is something amiss in the relationship, we will be outta there. If you have a disagreement, please do not have it with us there, makes us very uncomfortable. However, if one of you is about to break a rule, please feel free to call a timeout or something. I don't want to feel responsible for any problems.

#15 Singles talk. If you mistreat one, there may be another to take their place, but the quality ones will suddenly be hard to find.

 

I am sure I have misspelled something, or left something out, etc. anyone feel free to add any good advice to this or repeat any that someone has given in the past.

[hmr 25]

Wonderful!!!!!

[DnHtxCPL 15]

Dang Curiousagain, I'm gonna print that out! Too bad your in Tenn and were in TX. To us you sound like the holy grail in a world of single men who are just full of crap!

 

D

[Mature Lover 15]

Very good job Curiousagain

 

If I may expand on one point, that being couples wanting to play #14. We are not blind and do see when there is strife between a couple. To approach us at that time is disrespectful of your husband, and can be dangers for us, or me, as the case could have been last Saturday night.

 

Perhaps I was lucky and did notice the tension. I therefore said “No thanks” while smiling. She looked surprised, busting her image of “the horny old dude that will jump anything” single man. The down side is that now she will probably tell all the other couples that I don’t want to play and am just a “honey old dude that likes to watch anything” single man. Can't win for losing.

 

As was stated, we may say NO and it is also our right to do so. Just as we single males must take NO with no explanation, so should the couples. Like wise, we are not to pass judgment when on the ‘turned down’ receiving end, nor should they.

[Russ 15]

Well, Maybe I've been doing things wrong but usually when a couple are interested in visiting with me, I approach them set and talk about ANYTHING except sex with the lady...I just smile at her...hope she smiles back...ask her questions about her clothes... talk a lot to the husband for a couple minutes then excuse myself to the men's room regardless of if I need to go or not...then act sociable back toward the bar stool hoping I will be invited to set with another couple or the husband of the first will have tracked me down by then...anything is better than the bar stool for the single men (you know they put ass-fault adhesive on them...at some clubs ).

[curiousagain 326]

The down side is that now she will probably tell all the other couples that I don’t want to play and am just a “honey old dude that likes to watch anything” single man. Can't win for losing.

:

 

It can be a catch-22 situation.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Dang Curiousagain. I'm gonna print that out! Too bad your in Tenn and were in Tx. To us you sound like the holy grail in a world of single men who are just full of crap!

 

D

 

I have to agree with DnHtxCPL, those are pretty impressive lists!! I just may have to print them out too.

 

Oh, and BTW Tennessee is only 472 miles from Ohio I think that's close enough for a road trip to find the holy grail of single men!!!!

 

Mrs Spoomomkey

[curious24 17]

I have been intending for sometime to post something aimed toward those single males on websites and in clubs (although I have no experience with swing clubs) with the intention of giving some "a clue" as to how to act.

 

...

 

To single males AND females seeking couples

 

#1 NO means NO

I've been wanting to write something like this up for a long time. I'm glad someone finally did. Now it just needs to be published somewhere so that everyone can read it. Instead of being buried here in the forums where it's hard to find. hmm

 

Great job!

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I've been wanting to write something like this up for a long time. I'm glad someone finally did. Now it just needs to be published somewhere so that everyone can read it. Instead of being buried here in the forums where it's hard to find. hmmm

 

Great job!

 

You're right, it is a shame that it will end up hidden here on the board only to be brought out when someone clicks the thread to see what it is about.

 

Almost makes me want to take it to our club and have them post it on the bulletin board.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[curious24 17]

You're right, it is a shame that it will end up hidden here on the board only to be brought out when someone clicks the thread to see what it is about.

 

Almost makes me want to take it to our club and have them post it on the bulletin board.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

Well it's in my signature now so hopefully it won't be too hidden!

[dirtwr04 15]

Curious Again Strikes Again. Bravo Brother. Now if you could just get those rules followed.

 

Some how, I think the crappy people won't be reading this post.

[CABob 16]

It's a shame that 99% of the single men out there give the rest of us a bad name.

[JnCC 24]

It's a shame that 99% of the single men out there give the rest of us a bad name.

The real shame is that 100% of the single men out there think that it's the "other 99%" that are responsible for the reception they receive from most couples.

 

It's that way of thinking that tends to make a guy one of the "99%'ers"

[HotMoCpl 20]

As far as selection goes, that's the wife's job. I will say this though: Single males? I'm pretty skeptical about them. So far as I know, there are two types of single males. Really single and looking for and easy way to get laid , and married cheaters .

 

Don't get me wrong, I know there are a few truly single males out there and are really decent people; so there's where my wife's intuition comes in...right next to my skepticism.

 

I've already nailed four of them in emails in the past few months.

[CABob 16]

Respect, respect, respect.

Single means YOU'RE single.

Couple means THEY'RE a couple.

Understand the difference and maybe, just maybe.

 

Lots of couples bash the single guy, and perhaps deservedly so.

Imagine being a couple and trying to find THE single guy in a sea of single men.

Some cheating, some too aggressive, etc.

And what if it's a bad choice, now what?

The desire is there with some couples, but so is the uncertainty.

It's a BIG decision for THEM!

I'm surprised there's any connections at all, the risks are so great.

But from my point of view, the rewards of a respectful threesome, is truly awesome!

[Cr8tivecpl 15]

Here's my two cents worth - based upon my own experiences as part of a couple and as a single male:

• Always be a gentleman and never, repeat, never leave the husband (significant other) out of the mix...if you are going to offer to buy drinks then include him...if you are going to ask her to dance then make sure that you either directly or, indirectly have his consent...never...never assume that anything is a given.
  
• Do not say, indicate, imply, suggest, or insinuate anything...always be sure that what you say and do are acceptable before you say or do it...if you have doubts then leave it in your head.
  
• Just because she flirts or he "makes a joke" about what your prowess might be...or...it might seem like there is chemistry...doesn't mean that there is...we are all legends in our own minds and until someone else acknowledges that legend you are just 'another guy' who still needs to prove himself.
  
• Just because a couple or a single female says, "yes, let's meet" it does not give you license...it just gives you the opportunity to prove that you are worthy or, unworthy, as you will eventually evidence yourself to be.
  
• This is about building relationships...many or a few, good ones and bad, real and fake...all of them guaranteed to effect someone in some way...so, if you are at your best then your chances of being asked to return as the invited guest will be better...and, in the end, that is what you are hoping for - to be asked to come back again.
  

 

In the end...treat all with whom you come in contact as you would wish to be treated and you will have, eventual, success. Do anything short of that and you too will become "that creepy guy sitting over there on the bar stool whining about how he don't get no play."

 

That's my two cents...I'm outta here...

[WiserNow 15]

This is kind of a sore spot for me, I have to admit, due to a couple of bad past experiences that were no fault of mine. In case anyone's interested in reading them, here are a few of my more general thoughts on the subject.

 

First, as others have stated before (perhaps not in identical words), a single male in an MFM threesome with married couples should always play by their rules. Make sure the hubby is satisfied with the arrangement, and then treat the lady as you'd want your lady treated while you watch. If you're not sure how a particular favorite thing of yours will be received, err on the side of caution and don't try it until you've discussed it.

 

Second, unless some prior arrangement overrules, be assertive, confident and persistent....but NOT aggressive. If at any given point you're not quite sure how to proceed, then give the situation a quick re-assessment.

 

I'm sure a lot more could be said about basics, but these are a couple of the important ones. As most people would recognize, they're dictated by plain old common sense. Rejections can be for any of a huge variety of reasons, but my problem has always been with those couples who accept a single male but then start imposing conditions. Rules are one thing, like I said I'll play by their rules, I'm used to that. But at some point I can't help getting the feeling I'm expected to do something to 'earn' what I want, that it's no longer a level playing field. It's my choice also, but some couples seem to be the opposite case from the single male who's only in it to get his rocks off.

 

My goal today, as it has been from the beginning, is simply to develop a small circle of intimate friends and enjoy sex. I don't care for one-night stands any more than most women or couples do. When I find someone I enjoy sex with I like to go back for more, not just move on to the next contact. I'm not an animal, not a machine, and good memories should be built upon, not just enjoyed once and then discarded. It's frustrating to me that so many of the couples I've made contact with are more the 'bedpost notcher' type.

 

Not long ago I enjoyed an evening with a very nice couple, and one of the things she complained about was that she doesn't hear from most single males until they're horny again and it makes her feel used. I can definitely sympathize because the same thing happens to me. This same lady ended up fitting the very description she ascribed to single males, doing exactly what she complained so bitterly about. I'm not sure she realized what she was doing, or maybe she felt somehow justified, but since our threesome the only time she's talked to me is when I spoke first. The only time she's ever initiated a contact was when she invited me to join them, but never before or since. Go figure.

 

Overall, I've had a lot of fun and met a lot of great people, though in the end I see very few of them more than once. One thing I'd never have expected is how one bad experience can overshadow so many wonderful ones, but it happens. I try to approach each new contact with an open mind, but to completely forget past experiences would be foolish. I've found, as so many others have, that true friends are the exception rather than the rule but are still well worth waiting for. Be patient, persevere and don't lose hope.

[EternallySingle 32]

...I'm sure a lot more could be said about basics, but these are a couple of the important ones. As most people would recognize, they're dictated by plain old common sense. Rejections can be for any of a huge variety of reasons, but my problem has always been with those couples who accept a single male but then start imposing conditions. Rules are one thing, like I said I'll play by their rules, I'm used to that. But at some point I can't help getting the feeling I'm expected to do something to 'earn' what I want, that it's no longer a level playing field. It's my choice also, but some couples seem to be the opposite case from the single male who's only in it to get his rocks off.

 

My goal today, as it has been from the beginning, is simply to develop a small circle of intimate friends and enjoy sex. I don't care for one-night stands any more than most women or couples do. When I find someone I enjoy sex with I like to go back for more, not just move on to the next contact. I'm not an animal, not a machine, and good memories should be built upon, not just enjoyed once and then discarded. It's frustrating to me that so many of the couples I've made contact with are more the 'bedpost notcher' type.

 

Not long ago I enjoyed an evening with a very nice couple, and one of the things she complained about was that she doesn't hear from most single males until they're horny again and it makes her feel used. I can definitely sympathize because the same thing happens to me. This same lady ended up fitting the very description she ascribed to single males, doing exactly what she complained so bitterly about. I'm not sure she realized what she was doing, or maybe she felt somehow justified, but since our threesome the only time she's talked to me is when I spoke first. The only time she's ever initiated a contact was when she invited me to join them, but never before or since. Go figure.

 

 

Ah, the dreaded "this is what I want from a man but not what I'm willing to do" syndrome. One of the things you just have to live with.

 

Back on the subject, another thing you have to do, as a single man involved with a couple, is explain to them what you expect from them. They have no fear about telling you what you should do. If you require more than a weeks notice (a lot of couples and single women on SLS say they want single men who are available at a moment's notice...can we get away with saying that ) tell them up front. Better yet, in your profile. Make any requirements on THEM known as soon as possible. Don't lower your standards or expectations because you KNOW it will eliminate people that would otherwise want to meet you.

 

And never swing with someone you wouldn't date. Even though a romantic relationship (probably) isn't what the couple wants to develop with you, you have to feel you could be his drinking buddy and her boyfriend...IF SHE WERE SINGLE AND LOOKING...if you are going to enjoy an MFM threesome. Of course, you should never let yourself feel anything more than the familiarity of a long time acquaintance or friendship with the couple you swing with, but do you really think you could have sex with a woman that normally would not interest you sexually? I don't think so. Men can fake the emotions, but not the act.

 

Also, don't swing when you meet a single woman you think about more than twice in a day. Even if you are not dating her, if you think about her all the time, she is thinking about you at least some of the time. And one of Murphy's Laws, I don't know which one, says that the moment you set up a swing date, the woman you are interested in will want to have sex with you the same day. And we single men know what happens when we turn down a woman that's horny and wants us in particular because we have a prior commitment. She suddenly doesn't think about us "that way" anymore and you have lost a potential relationship (or at least a possible bed buddy) for a night with a couple that may or may not see you again for a few months or years. If there might be a woman in your life, don't accept any invitations to swing!!!!!!!

 

Well, other than that, everything else you might think of has already been posted somewhere by someone.

 

Have fun and be safe.

[jfsewk 15]

kinda off-topic, but I believe a good suggestion for the guy if you're planning on playing more than one night...

 

Become friends with the couple's guy! Go out for a few beers, hang out, play pool, whatever... This way he'll be more relaxed with you, less worried, and more willing to have you over again. We've had a guy (who has since moved away) that I (male) because friends with... it was fun to be able to talk about how we would please my girl... we'd work together on her. I don't think I'd be as comfortable with a single guy unless we first became friends, or at least developed some sort of friendship.

 

BTW... I don't mean take a few days to become friends, but hang out with the guy (without the girl present) and have some male bonding (no i don't mean anything sexual).