Question about wife swinging alone for first time

[SWConnecticut 16]

My wife and I have been with two other couples. Recently, we had the opportunity to arrange a threesome with another man. It was quite an exciting and different experience. She enjoyed the extra attention and I enjoyed watching and not being "distracted" by another woman in the room.

 

We have had two encounters with this other single male and both were fabulous. While fantasizing afterwards, we discussed the possibility of my wife playing with this male alone at a motel or our house while I am elsewhere. It would kind of be like she is on a date. I would then show up after a few hours to join in. This fantasy has both me and my wife very excited and we are seriously considering it.

 

Have any other couples made this next step? Was it what you expected? Did it cause any problems?

[bear_and_babe 68]

I (Babe) did this one time and will never do it again.

 

We had played with a couple (our first couple) 1 time and the guy IMed me and said he had some free time in the middle of the day, and would I be interested in playing. I of course called Bear and asked him if it was ok with him, as I wanted to see this guy without any distractions. Bear said go for it, have fun, and make sure I tell him all about it later.

 

Well, I went and had a great time. When I came home Bear was waiting for me. And we had really hot sex. I thought everything was ok. But about a day or 2 later, Bear said he had a problem with what I had done. To him (and to me) it felt too much like an affair. We talked about it, and decided to not do that again. I know it sounds strange. I mean, we go to clubs and we sometimes do not play together. We can go to separate rooms, and play with who ever we want and that does not bother us. I guess because we are in the same building. But the fact that my husband was not anywhere close by really made me feel like I was doing something wrong.

 

If you decide to try this, just make sure you talk about what feelings you may have after the fact.

[DnHtxCPL 15]

We tried this once and it turned out to be a really bad idea. We had really hot sex afterwards, but i also had a problem with it. Wanted her to not do that again. Well it ended up continuing behind my back for awhile. Im Not saying that I was an angel either during this time.

 

We did pull it together but had to cease all activity for three years and really concentrate on each other and our marriage. Thank God were still together and stronger that ever. Just started out too fast and it got away from us. Breaking all our own rules. Not a good idea. Now nothing happens without the other being there. So keep the communication open, Honesty, brutal honesty and treasure your marriage. It's the only important thing.

 

Good luck, love each other and have fun.

[Spoomonkey 421]

We did this as a "wife exchange" with another couple. We had arranged a threesome with the wife of that couple - and after we had that thoroughly enjoyable time, my wife played with just the two of them. It was incredibly exciting to think about - and while it was going on (I was at work) it kept me very distracted and excited about going home... Then they all left me a voicemail to let me know that "round one" was finished...

 

And it started eating at me.

 

I went home to join in (which is something I'll never do again - it just didn't work) and whatever was eating at me, kept gnawing... It ended up being an incredibly rough week - with lots of talking...

 

There wasn't a problem with the two of us, just a real problem with me. I wrestled with jealousy that I knew I had no right to have and I hated myself for it. That is really what I was dealing with - and it took a few days to get over it.

 

Now - thinking back on it, it is a pretty hot thing to think about, but oddly enough it still evokes that twinge of jealousy - and I'll probably never figure out why.

 

Luckily, the couple that she played with was a couple that we both like a lot and I felt good about it being them - so there was never any tension there. But it did evoke something very primitive, I think. I guess we just play better together. I doubt we'll ever go that route again...

[dave110256 21]

Just seems like cheating to us. We promised never to have sex without the other present.

[akamgaxoxo 25]

I have done the solo thing before, by meeting my friend at a hotel and also by having them come here to our home during the day....and both times were fabulous.

 

Now the first time I went out, I actually was the one that felt very funny...only for the fact that my hubby and I do everything together and it seemed odd that I would be going out without him. But half way through the nite I did lighten up a bit......unfortunately when I got home I was wayyy too tired for sex that nite with the hub.

 

But the time I had my friend over to the house for the afternoon was much more relaxed, I even called my hubby while the friend and I were getting it on....and when my hubby came home, I filled in all the details and we had a great evening together.

 

I am not sure why, but we have not had these issues that others talked about above. I guess every case is different. My husband and I talked of solo play for months and months ahead of time...we discussed every scenario and feeling we thought we might have....and I also promised that I would share all details (he feels included in the moment this way) and I would not be doing anything behind his back, but talk everything out first.

 

This has proved to be the BEST plan for us! And no feelings have been hurt by doing it this way.

[funseekers45 15]

We did try this. Still not sure if it will lead to divorce or not, but has ceased all activities for now. Too easy to get tied up with feelings I guess, but the single guy seems to think now he has (had) the rights to do anything he wants, any time.

[akamgaxoxo 25]

funseekers45 said:

but the single guy seems to think now he has (had) the rights to do anything he wants, any time.

 

 

NOW this is what I call, grounds to dump the single guy!! I am very open with our single guy friends, I have always told them that our friendship is based on respect and more. This person is not respecting you at all if his mentality is to come and go and do as he wishes. If you like this person, you had better nip this in the bud right now! Set up bounderies, say that you don't want to be bugged with phone calls and emails and asked to meet all the time. Maybe you and the spouse should also set up rules, like how many times to meet this person, etc etc. Otherwise I would say, let them go on their way and fast before it messes up your relationship with your spouse!!!

[EvilMJ 65]

I could never play without my hubby or vice versa. I know like Mr. Spoo has said I would have jelousy. Not that I am insecure in my relationship, but human nature being what it is, I would fall victom to us.

 

Hubby has made it clear that he has no interest in playing solo, just for the fact alone that he loves me and doesn't want to swing wtihout me or cause me any undue stress. It would feel to much like cheating for us.

 

Whether we chose to play with a couple, or a single, it would definately be together.

 

As always though, what works for us, may not work for someone else.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

Kermit and I have both gone solo. So far no problems have come up. I have no idea how to explain it. When I think about it logically I figure both of us should be jealous. Problems should come up. We have talked and talked every time it has happened... and no issues. I'm not saying we're some kind of super couple that can do whatever we want. We definitely have regular problems like everyone else. It just seems that when it comes to sex we're super laid back.

[WesternSwing 504]

It really can go both ways. One couple we know did this, where she would meet with another guy solo, and it seemed to work, but recently it came to light that she was seeing this guy on a regular basis without her husband's knowledge. What started out as just living out fantasies grew to a full-fledged relationship between them. They have stopped swinging as they work things out. I hope they do because they are both very good people with hearts of gold.

 

Another couple we know does this regularly. She will have a lover over to their house and after he leaves her husband comes home and they have wild, swing from the chandelier sex as she role-plays the naughty wife. Or she'll meet a lover for lunch and they bang like wild animals after work. It works great for them.

 

Personally, it wouldn't work for Mrs. WS and I. Neither of us has any interest in wading into those waters. We are into this for both of us, so we like it to be a couple's experience.

[Newbies46514 15]

O.k., here's my .02...

 

We've started our swinger lifestyle this way. My husband met a woman online and went, met her and they had sex together. This was always one of my biggest fantasies...IT WAS AWESOME!!!! Before it took place he made sure to keep me in the loop with everything that was happening. Before they even broached the subject with each other I was broaching it with him. Whenever he talked to her, he talked to me, I KNOW EVERYTHING that happened and that continues to happen. Next weekend he's going to see her again, two weeks after that she's coming here while the kids and I go see my best friend.

 

Our sex life was great before this started...but it's even better now. We both talk to her every night on line, and we all know, this is JUST SEX and not anything else. All I can tell you is that if you want this to happen, make sure that you are on the same page with each other through every step of the way. Tell each other everything that you are thinking and feeling and be completely honest.

 

This can be one of the ultimate turn on's but it's one of those things that you really do have to 'think to death'. You really have to think of everything that's going to take place and be sure that you're o.k. with it. I suggest doing a visualization separately and together...this way if any niggling 'what if's' or 'I don't likes' come up while your're imagining it apart you can address together and know where each other's comfort zones lie. Otherwise you're opening a can of worms and that's not what you want.

 

If you've got any other questions for me, feel free to PM me with them.

 

Good luck!

[2New2it 19]

Yes, my wife has done it several times. We first had a threesome with her young lover, but he discovered he was very uncomfortable with another man in the same bed and couldn't be enticed to do it again. My wife and I discussed it thoroughly and because we both liked and respected him so much, we decided to let her try meeting him alone.

 

Their first time alone came when I was out of town for an extended period of time and the knowledge of what was happening was as big a turn-on for me as it was for them. I experienced no jealousy and she really enjoyed it, so their one-on-one relationship has continued for several years.

 

We seem to be more comfortable with the fact that he always comes to our house for their play sessions. Sometimes we all have dinner together and then I will leave for the evening. Sometimes I stay home, but give them their privacy and I'm totally comfortable withe either situation, as are they. Needless to say, after he leaves things get pretty hot around here.

 

Because he is quite a bit younger, her playmate is non-threatening to our relationship and I encourage her to have a good time with him as often as she wishes. So far, it's been a very enjoyable situation for all of us.

[blackandlatina 15]

We thought of trying this...but It didn't work out too well.

 

My wife had a crush on a Dr she worked with. They flirted and even petted and kissed. She asked if she could see him without me. It was different, and kinky so I agreed.

 

He did not show up! He left her waiting for hours, alone in a parking lot. Not even a call! I was Pissed, she said she was too, but later, forgave him, falling for the old line of "I like it when you get mad." (whatta crock, if I had done this to her, she would have been pissed for months!)

 

Anyway...this leads me to believe there was more to this than just a crush. I told her it was not a good idea anymore, and asked her to just keep it professional with this guy.

 

But over the weeks, her behaviour changed. She came home late from work, she had to take calls at the hospital a lot more than usual, she even began to disappear to a "girlfriend's" on Sunday afternoons.

 

I became suspicous. I went on the net, and pulled her cell phone records. There were calls to this guy when she should have been at work, there were even calls at 6 AM  in the morning to this guy on her day off, when she was supposed to be going in for overtime.

 

I asked her about what was going on, without revealing I saw her phone records. She denied anything going on.

 

So the next Sunday I let her go. I waited two hours, and then called this guy's cell phone, and left a message for him to tell my wife to call home. She called me a half hour later. Cats out the bag!

 

Long story short...we worked things out (BTW I never cheated on her). But I feel responsible, should have never agreed to this thing to start with. It got way out of control. We had always been honest with each other for 17 years, and lust changed it all.

 

Ladies and guys, if you swing... swing together, it's a sharing experience. All that you can have alone, you can have together. It'll help keep you together!

[Denver2some 15]

We tried this once, at a time we had to be apart. It didn't work out for us. Mostly, I believe, because the male we selected wasn't the best choice (no previous swinging experience before us) and so it brought up a lot of emotions and expectations on his part.

 

It was a learning experience. I don't think we'd ever try it again, but if we did we would choose a playmate with both a solid swinging history in general, and specifically playing with the two of us as a couple.

 

And we'd talk more before and after. A lot more.

[ALilOEverything 901]

We've only been solo once and it was with a couple we really enjoy and trust. We would have never considered it with anyone but them. They are totally in love with each other and trust each other very much. We felt very comfortable doing so and it was a very pleasurable experience. It was nice to do something a little different but I wouldn't want to do it often. It may never even happen again and we're okay with that. There wasn't any guilt or jealousy between any of us.

 

My biggest concern on being one on one is someone forming some kind of attachment. I felt safe because of the security of their marriage. But if it was a single female I would have felt very uncomfortable with it. And I wouldn't have considered a single male because I would worry he may later have feelings, or even pressure me to do it again. But we just take each situation individually to ever say what we would or wouldn't do. There are a lot of things we didn't think we would do but with the right people and right timing they have turned into very positive and fullfilling experiences.

[tazzie_n_truck 17]

We have gone solo quite a few times, and we havn't had any problems so far, mainly because with it, when we play with another person or couple alone, we don't unless we ask each other first, and we know who and where we are going to be and who with. We have had people who we have gone solo with in the past who have gotten possessive with us in the past thinking that since they played with us on a couple occasions that we would play with them everytime they wanted. But that was the only problems we have ever had with it. We for the most part have had a good expirience with it.

[Compersor 15]

Just seems like cheating to us. We promised never to have sex without the other present.

 

When wifey and I invite men - there is only 2 or 3 of them at any time - into our bedroom, she loves me being there and watching and participating. I would have no problem at all with her fucking one of our friends without me being present. And, indeed, sometimes I leave the bedroom for a little while so as to enable our visitor to relax a bit and build up a head of steam, so to speak. I suppose I am a bit special. Jealousy is an emotion I haven't felt for many years. As a young man - am in my fifties now, wifey in her thirties - I used to experience jealousy sometimes. But not anymore. I would be very happy for my honey to enjoy sex with a man I know and trust.

[SWConnecticut 16]

Thanks again for all your comments. We have decided after discussing it further that we are going to proceed. We have invited our male friend to come over tomorrow night. My wife will spend a few hours with him on her own and I will go out somewhere, maybe to a strip club or something. We'll let you know how things go.

[Mike and Jan 20]

OK, I make it a point not to ever say anything about things I've done behind my wife's back..., or about people I've done things with.

I'm going to make this one exception because I think it'll be helpful to couples who are considering this.

 

As I've mentioned before, my wife just doesn't want us to swing anymore. But I've always wanted to continue what we enjoyed years ago. No need for more details.

About 15 years ago I met a nice couple who were wanting a threesome. I was their choice and have to admit was more than willing when the offer was made. Nice couple, nice looking, and very discreet and trustworthy. They picked me because I was married and they felt that I'd be safer too.

I simply kept in mind what I'd want the 'other' man to be like if it were me and my wife and it worked great. I jokingly told them that I was simply their breathing dildo to use as they wished.

 

We had numerous meetings over a period of time and all were very enjoyable. The get-togethers would usually last a couple of hours and I tried to always make it a point to have them having sex together at the end and I'd get dressed and let myself out.

 

Then, the man asked me to stop by one day when he was alone. I did and we talked, mostly about the wife, and he even showed me a video that he's taken of her. This was cool and no harm so the unsaid rule of only the three of us was broken.

 

Then, she called once and I figured..., whatever. We talked and flirted and I figured that would be all but it wasn't.

 

The next time the three of us were together I noticed some difference. Then, out of the blue one day, she asked me if I loved her just a little. I told her that I liked them both a lot but only loved my wife. I asked her if she was a little in love with me. She said yes, but mitigated it a lot and we blew it off.

 

The next few meetings were even more strained so we all three decided to end our meetings at least for a while.

 

I did miss the meetings but I really regretted causing their marriage difficulties. I've always felt you should keep consideration ahead of desires. They wound up divorcing and I sure hoped I hadn't had that much to do with it. They were nice people and had been married for 30 years. Too bad.

 

Just thought it might be helpful for you to hear from the 'other' man.