How do you overcome insecurities?

[wolfmaiden 15]

How does one overcome these insecurities????? How do others feel when they are with others that have imperfect bodies???? What do you look for when swinging with others????

[Miss_Piggy 98]

A huge part of attractiveness is in the attitude. How do you improve your attitude? One thing that worked really well for me was just losing a few lbs. Even if losing 5 or 10 lbs still leaves you overweight it's amazing what that little bit will do to your self esteem. Get outside and get moving; develop a love for the things your body can do for you. Focus on the positive and you should find your attitude about your body will improve.

 

As for other peoples bodies, I have enough to worry about with my own body to bother worrying about someone elses. I'm much more concerned with personality.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Dito to what Miss Piggy said!

 

I've been making that extra bit of effort over my weight in the course of the last year or so and it's done wonders for my self-confidence even though I'm still about 15 lb above my ideal weight.

 

When looking at others though, I'm looking much more at the whole person than individual "bits". After all, we tend to meet people similar in age to ourselves (late 40's). It's not easy getting to that age without a pile of imperfections!

 

CB

[acuriouslady 15]

What about people who are a lot over weight? Are they accepted in this life style?

[RMRx2 24]

How does one overcome these insecurities????? How do others feel when they are with others that have imperfect bodies???? What do you look for when swinging with others????

 

 

Mrs RmRx2 and I fall in that category. In fact married this summer and went to Desires Resort for the honeymoon. Even though we were fairly comfortable, Desires was another matter, so diet we did! However, like with most things, we got to Desires, spent about an hour there, before we decided that WE were just as normal as the majority!, Off came the clothes and didn't go back on til we left for our flight back. As a matter of fact, most of the clothes we took went right from the suitcase back inot drawers and on hangers.

 

There are those that are flawless, or may think they are. But most of us are just normal,,,,,,,,,,with some points better than others.

 

mr rmrx2

[CB_n_Red 16]

What about people who are a lot over weight? Are they accepted in this life style?

 

Oh yes! You'll find people of all shapes and sizes in the lifestyle! It certainly isn't just about "the beautiful people". Far from it.

 

CB

[Bigun 15]

I personally found the fact of knowing other people would see me completely naked was a good motivation to hit the gym on a regular basis. Because of that I dropped approximately 20 lbs.... and still dropping. I plan on losing another 20 to 30 lbs and I'll be where I wanna be.

[bear_and_babe 68]

What about people who are a lot over weight? Are they accepted in this life style?

 

 

I am a BBW, and I have never had a lack of swing partners. When we first started talking about swinging, I was very worried that men would take 1 look at me and keep going. But I found that a lot of men like BBW's. Attitude has a lot to do with it. If you feel sexy, then others will see that in your attitude and will be attracted to that.

 

As for how others look - I will always be attracted to someone who has a nice smile and looks like they are having fun. Looks are really not important to me. How someone acts and carries themselves is more attractive to me.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

A huge part of attractiveness is in the attitude. How do you improve your attitude? One thing that worked really well for me was just losing a few lbs. Even if losing 5 or 10 lbs still leaves you overweight it's amazing what that little bit will do to your self esteem. Get outside and get moving; develop a love for the things your body can do for you. Focus on the positive and you should find your attitude about your body will improve.

 

You are so right there, Miss Piggy. I know for me that just getting out and exercising regularly really goes a long way towards helping my attitude towards myself and seeing that I'm doing SOMETHING makes me feel good.

 

That works with other people as well. It's hard to notice someone's imperfections when you are caught up in their personality. And when it's obvious that someone is happy and feels good it is very infectious.

[MysticalStorm 15]

being and overweight woman myself at 5ft3in and 195 pounds I must admit I felt the same insecurties. Although I have not had my first incounter yet I have seen some pitures of some of some other swingers and I felt better realizing they are not all barbie dolls. In fact like mention above in some pitures you could tell by the smile or look on there face what kind of attitude people had. I enjoyed the ones with a laughing type smile that appeared to be easy to get along with and alot of personality. That was more sexsy to me and attrative to me than a Barbie with a stuck up or better than I am look. We each are attracted to certain typs of personailties. I think personality goes alot further than body type any day of the week. Sincerely MysticalStorm

[lcjtsd 20]

The Mrs. has had four kids and you women know what that usually means. She is planning on a tummy tuck and breast reduction in the near future.

 

In the meantime, the guys we have played with (some Gym Rats, some Average) all were hard as a rock just as soon as the fun was starting. We have found that your attitude goes a long way to overcome any flaws that we may have.

 

Remember this, most people are average.

[JKBertha 15]

Oh wow, see, I've dealt with this too. However, it wasn't an issue until for me until my husband and I started investigating this lifestyle.

 

See, since I've had kids, I blew up.....and I know it's my fault. However, I have never felt sexier than I do now. I think being sexy is something that we just show through our attitude, our dress, etc. I really do feel sexy sometimes:)

 

My road blocks have been recently through going to Swing socials. I was like, "Oh my gosh" cause there were so many perfect people. I definitely felt intimidated. Thus, I didn't appraoch or mingle with any of them.

 

I think I, and maybe you, need to learn to be happy with who we are....and ofcourse work to be the best we can. I'm glad this issue has motivated others....it hasn't motivated me. I want to be motivated by "what's healthy" and what's best for me...and nobody else.

 

Best luck:)

[fun_pairTX 26]

In most crowds it is a non-issue. People are what they are and we have found that swingers are much more accepting as a group that the general public. Personally a lady with a few extra pounds is much more attractive that one that is skinny skinny. Calista Flockhart will never have to worry about either Mrs Fun or myself stalking her, Kate Moss is safe too.

[DBStPete 20]

Lots of good responses.

 

We have found that it depends on the situation. There are definitely parts of the lifestyle where folks that are on the low side of average in appearance, especially as regards being overweight, just aren't going to get much action. Where we saw this most was clubs and hotel parties.

 

I think it's a fact that when you see swingers interacting in large groups, like at a social dance or a convention, people tend to pair off by appearance "grade". Yes, I know we never talk about this, but it's true. We all did it in high school, and we still do.

 

Is this a generalization and are there plenty of exceptions? You bet. But I think it's true.

 

On the other hand, there are plenty of guys who like BBW - and lots of definitions of where "big" and "beautiful" start and stop. I think everyone who is realistic and puts in some effort can find some folks to party with. Whether some particular folks of your choice will feel the same way about you is another matter.

 

So, is there some discrimination? Sure, same as anywhere. Are there folks who will like you anyway? You bet.

 

DBStPete/D

[Mike and Jan 20]

It's attitude ladies! No doupt about it. And it's your sexuality that makes you so appealing to us men! You ladies have such a great advantage over vannila women. I'll take age, sags, and even some extra pounds anyday over a beautful young prude! So flirt, tease, and feel comfortable about yourselves..., and know you could easily steal that skinny young vanilla's husband. And then, he'd finally know what satisfaction really is. Rich

[SnozzberryBlu 83]

This thread has helped me feel so much better!

 

I have had two kids, and my breasts are ok just not where I think they should be.. then there's the stretch marks, etc.. and the couple I think we are going to be playing with a while, well she looks great! I hold my weight well, no one can ever guess how much I weigh. And I have lost 35 pounds in the last year.. still things are not firm anywhere... sigh...

 

yet I read all this and I know that what you are all saying is basically true... especially if you are already aquainted with someone and your personalities click (which ours do). I am a very sensual person, I love to have fun, I'm adventurous, and I ain'ts so bad on the eyeballs ... so tomorrow night, after a few more shots of tequila, I am going to proudly march my butt into that hottub like I'm Charlize Theron! Cuz if I'm feeling it on the inside, that's just GOTTA show through somewhere!

 

Thanks again ya'll!

[charlie77 15]

Thank you for this thread.

 

My wife has been overweight her whole life, until we married and she started taking advantage of the military's great medical benifits. First she had a gastric bypass which reduced her breasts and left her with loose skin, then the doctor botched the tummy tuck to the point that you'ld never know she's ever had one. Its left her with lower self esteem than she had when she was overweight.

 

I think she puts too much stock in her body's shape and she feels no one would want to have sex with her. I may be biased but I think she is amazing.

 

I hope this thread will make her feel better about herself, it would be a shame to leave the lifestyle before we even start because of the way she feels about herself and her preconcieved notions of how other couples(read: the male) will not be attraacted to her at all.

 

 

D&P

[Mike and Jan 20]

Now that's the attitude Mrs. Snoss! And I'd love to be the luck guy who gets to sit beside 'you' in that hottub!

[20ishCouple 15]

Mike & Jan....

 

I really like what you just said. I am an overweight girl in my 20's and in the vanilla world I have found that most guys don't think I'm attractive due to the fact that I am bigger. However, I think that I'm pretty darn good looking. I try to take care of myself, and make myself more appealing to the eye...but don't seem to turn many heads...Mr. 20ish, seems to think that I'm sooo Beautiful, and that any single guy would be crazy not to show interest in me...Yet I still worry about what is thought of me in the swinger lifestyle. All of our experience that we have had with swinging, has come from vanilla world partners....so We have never met a guy from the actual lifestyle, who has been interested.

But what you just said made me feel a lil more comfortable about the situation...so I just want to say thank you....from deep within my heart.

 

R (the she of the we)

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I think the people in the lifestyle are more realistic then people that are not. Most everyone accepts that everyone is not perfect & everyone's body is not perfect. I think a lot of the men are more mature in that sense too. I think men in the lifestyle look at women that have had children & are not as tight & fit as they were before, & think they are still are incredibly attractive. I think people in the lifestyle look for more than just outside looks, although they are important. I think your attitude & they way you can make people feel when they are around you is more important.

 

I am not over weight, but sometimes I do feel self conscious. Normally when you think of a 22 yr old female, you think of young tight bodies. Well, I have had 2 kids. So things are not the way they are on most 22 yr olds. But I have felt more accepted by people in the lifestyle then people that aren't.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I am not over weight, but sometimes I do feel self conscious. Normally when you think of a 22 yr old female, you think of young tight bodies. Well, I have had 2 kids. So things are not the way they are on most 22 yr olds. But I have felt more accepted by people in the lifestyle then people that aren't.

 

You've described me here, just add one more child and 8 years. I've never had a firm body since I had my first son at 16 and after the 3rd my skin is quite a bit more loose. I've been self-conscious about it but not as much as I would be in the regular dating world. I feel people want to be with me because I have this sexy attitude, not because of whether or not they like my body.

[HotCoupleGnS 21]

I feel people want to be with me because I have this sexy attitude, not because of whether or not they like my body.

 

 

EXACTLY!!!!!!!!

[yesplease 15]

If it matters to you, then it matters. I am overweight and sagging but very happy with myself and confident of my sexuality. The important thing is to have a good time and as long as that happens, you're doing it right.

[J & K 16]

Great thread!!!

 

What puts a big complex on some folks is the way they describe themselves on their profile. They say "fit and attractive". Well...now we all assume they only want fit folks to meet or gym rats. We see that and tend to press on to another profile to look at because we are "ave" body types. Not extreme overweight or pencil thin. We look great standing up, but once we sit down a roll on the belly flops out and that is what we worry about how someone is going to look at us. Even your top models have a belly, but they pose in ways to make it look like nothing in pics. Arch back and hold your hands up high in the air.

 

"K" is getting a tummy tuck in the Spring because 3 kids destroyed her tummy/skin. Men love the way she looks, but she hates looking in the mirror. Most men accept ladies for whom they are, but women hate looking at themselves because they want to be perfect in a man's/woman's eyes. I can understand because I like what I see when I look in the mirror, but as soon as I sit down I go....yikes. Then I worry about this hot looking lady seeing me naked when I sit down and say to myself, "she thinks I am fat". I stand-up and my mind thinks the other way.

 

We tell the TRUTH on our profile with our weight and if it goes up we put it down and vice versa. If swinging was all about weight then we think swinging wouldn't be around because the gym rat body in swinging is rare. So for those who are only looking for the fit body to swing with I feel sorry for because nobody is perfect. We ALL have flaws and must accept that. We can pick and choose in this lifestyle of course, but being more open to different body types expands the possiblities to meet more great people.

[fun_pairTX 26]

Oh hell, how would y'all like to be 50, with the height of a giraffe and the weight of a gorilla? But ya know what, I have one hell of a good time, and the people we socialize with seem to have one too. The best description of me I have ever heard is "Jerry Garcia only alive". How is that for a confidence builder? We are all what we are and we alr liable to stay that way no matter how rich we make a plastic surgeon. Use what you have, I'd be willing to bet a moustache ride, it is more than enough.

[mustang3 15]

When I was pregnant with my son (8 years ago), I gained 65 lbs. The doctor threatened to put me in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy if I gained anymore. I lost most of it after the birth and eventually got down to a respectable 115 lbs. Imagaine my surprise when I went to the gyno last week and learned that I GAINED 22 lbs in 1 1/2 years. Kinda just snuck up on me. You know what though, I like my body. I'm happy and content in my relationship and that's the excuse I use for gaining the weight. LOL. In my limited experience, I've found that guys like curves more often then not.

[Couplehavingfun 17]

Ya know, we are far from perfect, but I notice we get a lot of attention at parties...and people want to see us again, and again. If anything swinging has taught both of us to like ourselves as we are more than we ever did before, made us more comfortable within our own skin, and made us realize that not everyone is so shallow that they only want the "perfect ones." And if they do--they can have each other. Don't get me wrong, we care for ourselves and are working on ourselves constantly, BUT we are not into anyone so wrapped up in themselves or SO MUCH into appearances.

Calista Flockhart will never have to worry about either Mrs Fun or myself stalking her' date=' Kate Moss is safe too.[/quote']

Ha ha ha ha ha! We feel the same way!

[easygoin 15]

i think with me its always whats within the person..if the person is fun and just down to earth then everything else is irrevelant...i agree with what miss piggy said...im not into looks Im more into what the person is all about on the inside and how their attitudes are

[Southern Lady 18]

Yall made me feel like I will fit in, but I have two question what do you wear to these parties when you have do not have a 20 year old body? And where do you buy your clothes?

[fun_pairTX 26]

It has to be a gene and it doesn't seem to cross over the genders. Ladies have you ever wondered why you view your 20lb gain to 140lbs as becoming a "load", while most males view the trip from 225lbs to 300lbs as a metamorphasis into a SEX-MO-CHINE!!!!!!

 

It is all in our heads, worry less be happy more.

[BBgurl 15]

This was a wonderful thread to read this morning!

Yes, it is all in the attitude, I have seen people big and small with attitudes

that I dont care for, but I must say, some of the kinkiest people I know

are not height/weight porportionate

[DBStPete 20]

We've found that adding some clothing helps a lot. It helps us look better, and it makes us less self-concious. And all of those things make us sexier, so this is a win-win.

 

For the ladies, certain types of lingerie can help a lot. Stockings help legs that aren't quite as smooth and pretty as they once were. Lacy full-body stockings with holes in the appropriate places are great. You can "stay clothed" and still be in the center of an orgy.

 

Both of us love and wear sarongs, both as daily wear around the house, and at parties. Guys, think of it as a toga. The way I like to wear it just tied over one shoulder. That leaves it fitting loosely, and open on one side. Very easy to cover or reveal things as needed, and extremely comfortable.

 

Mr. DBStPete

[dave110256 21]

We all put on a few pounds with age but obesity is a real turn-off for us. We both work very hard to stay in good shape, excercise daily and try to eat right. Nobody is perfect including us but we prefer to stay in shape. When it gets right down to it though it is the attitudes and personalities that really matter in the end but it is hard denying that outward appearance is what initially attracts.

[luv2plzu 15]

I am new to this board, but have been swinging for a while. I have had some bad experiences with people. Don't go into this thinking you wont. But the good ones so outweigh the bad ones!! I can't tell you how right everyone is about the attitude...feel sexy and you are sexy! Dress in whatever you feel good in. You don't have to dress any certain way to be accepted. If you want something a little shorter or tighter, try Torrid. I know they have a website and are in a lot of malls. It's all plus size, though a lot of it is kind of dark and goth-like. A lot of cute stuff though too! Other than that, I always search the web for "Plus Size Club Wear" and come up with a lot of options.

Good luck!