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cpl1355

Okay guys, let's talk Stamina!

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Question for you guys and out there (ladies feel free to chime in too!).

 

My wife and I recently experienced our 6th MFM experience. All have been extremely hot and satisfying not only for us, but for the single too.

 

I have noticed that 3 of the 4 single males that we have played with had some incredible stamina (or I guess what I consider incredible), meaning they were able to fuck for at least one hour without their first orgasm :eek: .

 

Is this normal for most guys? I can honestly say that the longest I have been able to hold out with my beautiful wife has been between 20-25 minutes :mad: .

 

Is there a measurement out there that defines what is normal, abnormal, and what is premature?

 

Don't get me wrong, I loved the fact that these guys could go for so long with my wife. They made her cum three or four times before they each had their first orgasm.

 

The first couple of times I felt kind of jealous in the fact that these guys could satisfy my wife so many times, but I am completely over that (hell, it has made our lovemaking a lot more exciting and to watch her in the throes of passion gets me going anyway). I just want to know how is it possible for these guys to last this long??

 

Thanks!

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Well - my first question is by "fucking at least one hour" do you mean straight on intercourse? Or do you mean the entire act. including oral, kissing, etc.

 

If they have been able to enter your wife and thrust steadily for an hour - that is pretty impressive... But as good as that would be, I am thinking some is at risk for a little disc damage... Or - at the very least - possible boredom...

 

If you mean having sex for over an hour - well that is simply a matter of will power. Being able to have intercourse to your limit, stop, jump over to oral or some other activity that can be quite gratifying...

 

A quickie for us is about thirty minutes - but I am fortunate that Mrs Spoomonkey is multiorgasmic - so even then, she can finish 5-6 times. Our average evening romp is an hour or more, but that certainly isn't one sustained motion for that long...

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Thanks for the response Spoo, yes, I can honestly say that the three gentleman proceeded to fuck my wife in several different positions for at least an hour. The only time they stopped was to switch postions or to add a little bit more lube. I can think of only one time one of the guys switched to oral for maybe 5-10 minutes, but other than that I am talking straight fucking with no interruptions!

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I just have to throw my two cents in.

 

In my past I had a boyfriend that could go for an hour (at least it felt like it) and I gotta tell ya, after a while it got painful. Unless you plan to throw in a bit of oral here (and then again maybe this is just me), I find after a while I need a break, just to jump start things again.

 

Stamina is great, but when you are getting to the point where you are wondering if he is ever going to finish, then it isn't fun anymore.

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MJ-

Yeah that is what I thought would happen to my wife being fucked for so long, but our last guy was @ 1.5" longer than me and my wife said it was hitting her spot just right the whole time that it was not painful nor was it boring. She enjoyed the whole hour of pleasure.

 

I guess maybe it is just different strokes for different strokes!

 

I may need to work on increasing my stamina to keep up with these guys!

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I don't think you should have to work on keeping up with other people..that's just not worth it. Everyone is unique and has their own techniques.

 

The guy we play with regularly is a bit longer than hubby and seems to hit that spot pretty good every time. But Hubby can give oral better than anyone I have ever experienced. So I guess in my opinion it all evens out in the end.

 

WHich is why I think we got into swinging , for different experiences.

 

I bet your wife thinks you are perfect the way you are!! ;)

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I'm sorry I have to agree with EvilMJ if anyone just does nothing but fuck me for an hour . . . I'd be thinking when are you going to finish already!! One it does start to get sore and another it seems kind of boring. Mr Spoo and I romp around all over each other switching from me giving him :bj: then fucking me, then he goes down on me, then fuck in another position, then some 69. :fun::8-0::

 

Plus in answer to your stamina question . . . like Mr Spoo said in his post it helps him wait longer and gives us more time for :fun:

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EvilMJ said:
I don't think you should have to work on keeping up with other people..that's just not worth it. Everyone is unique and has their own techniques.

 

The guy we play with regularly is a bit longer than hubby and seems to hit that spot pretty good every time. But Hubby can give oral better than anyone I have ever experienced. So I guess in my opinion it all evens out in the end.

 

Which is why I think we got into swinging , for different experiences.

 

I bet your wife thinks you are perfect the way you are!! ;)

 

Evil you are right on tonight on this one - I have to totally Dito what you said.

 

Don't try to keep up with anyone. Mr Spoo and I have learned some "techniques"along the way like how to do doggie style perfectly from the female half of a couple we were with :D

 

Mr Spoo is perfect at oral among many other things I don't ever want him to feel like he has to be like someone else. We got into this because we just wanted to experience different things together not to change the awesome sex life we already had.

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Mr Spoo and I have learned some "techniques"along the way like how to do doggie style perfectly from the female half of a couple we were with.

 

Mrs Spoo......please elaborate on this......wondering minds would like to know... ::P:

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Vespertine said:
Nobody's hitting my pretty kitty, nonstop for an hour or more.

 

Vespertine - this is a very sexy "no" in my book...

 

Wow - I love it...

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cpl1355 said:
Mrs Spoo......please elaborate on this......wondering minds would like to know... ::P:

 

I'm not good at describing stuff in writing I am very animated and do better when I can talk and wave my arms around :lol:

 

It is basically instead of just being on your hands and knees you want to slid your knees out to the side a little, this lowers your back side and makes it easier to enter. You also still have good support, then you can either stay on your elbows or I like to just hug a pillow :D It's mostly the knees that make the difference. When you spread them out to the side you can adjust your height for the male.

 

I hope this helps.

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Well - there is more to it... It has to do with really paying attention to angles...

 

But - at the same time - it really helps to have a really nice "backside" like Mrs Spoo's to work with ;)

 

Hey, sweetie... Maybe we should post an instructional video...

 

:rolleyes:

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Agreed to all posts so far. The Mrs. can get bored with those who try to hammer away for as long as they can. What is the old saying..."variety is the spice of life"? Well, it's also the spice of one's lovelife. She has told me it hurts after a while of continuous pumping with no variation, and boy, is it boring to watch. Would you want to see a porno like that? Not here.

 

Being an average guy, I find that I last my longest by varying the tempo, moving from position to position at her request, and taking time out to 69, dedicated oral, and just some nice kissing, cudding, and other play.

 

BTW Spoomonkey, people would pay for that video, my friend... ;)

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An hour! This is a discussion I've had with a few guys, I think I would go insane if a guy I was with went an hour (of just fucking) without orgasming. I'd be dying and dry!

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I will have to agree with Spoomonkey, I can go for a long time but I have to stop just before I cum and switch positions, do oral etc.to prolong the fun before cumming if I plan on going for an hour. The only other time I can actually go an hour w/o cumming is if I have had a little smoke "420" before hand. :lol:

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So ladies.... how long is too long? For me once sex actually starts I try to at least let the lady get her thrills a few times before I cum. ;)

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curious24 said:
So ladies.... how long is too long? For me once sex actually starts I try to at least let the lady get her thrills a few times before I cum. ;)

 

I don't necessarily think there is a "too long" on time if your trying to let the lady get her thrills. I think the point is that if all the guy is doing is fucking without stopping to do anything else (i.e. oral) then the lady probably isn't getting her thrills and is dry and starting to get sore.

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Mrs Spoomonkey said:
I don't necessarily think there is a "too long" on time if your trying to let the lady get her thrills. I think the point is that if all the guy is doing is fucking without stopping to do anything else (i.e. oral) then the lady probably isn't getting her thrills and is dry and starting to get sore.

 

In my bygone youth, :sad: I thought that "long and hard" was all important.

 

And also, if it was good for me it must be good for her as well. :nono:

 

After awhile it becomes obvious that a man's greatest sensation is feeling his lady's thrills as often as possible.

 

Therefore, with age a man should rejoice in the need to become more of an oral animal. :D --- And always remember, sex may be a marathon but it should be a pleasurable marathon NOT an endurance contest.

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willygoat1 said:
In my bygone youth,:sad:I thought that "long and hard" was all important. And also, if it was good for me it must be good for her as well. :nono:

 

Amen, brother!

 

I am still a bit of a pup at 35 - and even though I can for a long time when I am in the mood, I am well aware that a woman's body is not simply an "insert here" type of machine... It can be as complex as a calculated moon shot.

 

I am impressed that these guys could go an hour or more in one direction... Not a bad physical feat... But at the same time I know that they have a LOT to learn...

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I agree with the others ... don't try to compete with anyone. Viva la difference!

 

Also keep in mind that in your MFMs, the other guy has a lot of things on his mind that can be keeping his brain busy. "Does she like what I'm doing?" "Does the husband look happy with things?" "Is it time to switch positions?" "Have I overstayed my welcome?" And etc. He's not always able to just kick back and enjoy the sensation of sex. Those that can get and keep an erection may still experience a type of stage fright that makes it harder for them to come. (This type is really common in women, I think.)

 

I think that too much stamina in a swinging setting can be awkward. Not only can "Superman" make his partner sore, but his wife and the other husband may eventually become bored or impatient waiting for him to finish. And the other husband, if he is a newbie, may feel Superman has made him look too quick. Mr. D2S has great concentration and can go forever ... but in swap situations, he reminds himself to "let go," so that the overall timing is more in sync.

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I would think it would be a very uncomfortable situation if a playmate went at it with me for an hour...especially in front of my hubby. We tend to play for a while, oral or touching, foreplay of all kinds, and then when we can't stand it is when we break out the condoms and go. But, it would make my hubby very uncomfy to watch my friend go at it with me for an hour, not to mention that I would be getting sore.....that's just a little too much for me!

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Spoomonkey said:
Amen, brother!

 

I am impressed that these guys could go an hour or more in one direction... Not a bad physical feat... But at the same time I know that they have a LOT to learn...

 

Dito

 

I am impressed??? also.

 

But then, I wonder about the pills that they may be taking. :eek:

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Two things.

 

#1If you are humping it for an hour without stopping and she only has 4 orgasms, Spoomonkey is right, there's a lot ot learn there.

 

#2 What is the web addy where we can preorder this instructional videotape? I am pretty sure what Mrs. Spoomonkey meant and yeah, it works, but it never hurts to be sure.

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I've noticed that with different partners, I might get just 10 or 15 minutes prior to an orgasm, and with others, I might go more than even a full hour. Time spent swapping positions, etc., factor in there. Who knows? A little rest from time to time, that zen moment of just enjoying what you're doing, where you're at, and who you're with, can really significantly extend the time.

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The last marathon Mrs. Bushwhacker and I had was when we visited a local on-premise club on a very slow Friday night. They had just got their new Swing and we got to break it in exclusively for the evening :D! It was our first time using a Swing and it was great ::P:! We tried every position we could think of and played for nearly two hours :fun:!!! We had to work the next morning so we quit when it got late and time for us to go home. We could have played longer. I was not just pounding her in one position for the whole time! We did oral, changed which one of us was in the swing, etc.

 

I take a low dose of Viagra when we go out to play. The Mrs. likes to ride a long time and has many orgasms and fortunately I can keep playing for a long time. I lose count of her orgasms - wear earplugs Surrender.

 

I find the longer I hold off cumming the harder it is for me to cum. I don't know if this is common but it is a bit of a disadvantage because the lady can't be completely spent. She has to be prepared for me to ride her hard at the end of the play session, in order for me to cross the finish line. So far, I have always crossed the finish line last :hahaha:!

 

Any of you other guys have this problem after holding off for very long?

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bushwhacker_tx said:
I find the longer I hold off cumming the harder it is for me to cum. I don't know if this is common but it is a bit of a disadvantage because the lady can't be completely spent. She has to be prepared for me to ride her hard at the end of the play session, in order for me to cross the finish line. So far, I have always crossed the finish line last :hahaha:!

 

Any of you other guys have this problem after holding off for very long?

 

Yes, exactly the same. Particularly when I'm with a new partner. Rarely a problem when I'm with Red :D

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Yep, I have found that with a new partner it is sometimes almost (if not) impossible to orgasm. I have once gone through more than an hour of intercourse (in many different positions) before calling it quits, no orgasm for me, and I WANTED it :lol:. Of course this leads to many other issues, but that's not the topic at hand. This may be at play with CPL1355's playmates too.

 

CPL1355 said:
All have been extremely hot and satisfying not only for us, but for the single too.

- and -

They made her cum three or four times before they each had their first orgasm.

- and -

I can honestly say that the three gentleman proceeded to fuck my wife in several different positions for at least an hour.

- and -

it was hitting her spot just right the whole time that it was not painful nor was it boring. She enjoyed the whole hour of pleasure.

 

I have to say, somewhere along the line something went amiss here, didn't he say that the Ms enjoys her sessions with these guys? What happened to different strokes for different folks? Yes, he needn't worry about his own stamina, but at the same time, as long as she's enjoying it, why not go for it?

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Sometimes the mood just takes me and I enjoy pounding the missus for a *really* long time (no artificial chemicals)... like I read in this thread, it's the zen of the situation, because sometimes I'm done in a few seconds (also w/the missus). it is *so* great just 'doing it' that I don't care if I don't cum. A coupla three hours is the most. Great workout too, for me. The view is terrific while I'm thus engaged too! It builds up for the next session, so she gets it with interest then :)

 

I can't say how it might be with someone else - we're sort of interested but have not taken the plunge into actively seeking others to play with. It does sound like fun, but we're going very slowly into it (if ever)

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Guest erotichugs

for the Mrs. is about how long does it take to get her totally and fully satisfied both physically and emotionally... ?

 

That's what I concentrate on.. dont want to make her totally sore that it becomes unenjoyable.. so, sometimes it does take a long time, she has wanted to be pounded for over an hour sometimes it takes 15 minutes to hit ALL her spots for different orgasms...

 

During this whole process, I do Orgasm (a lot different than ejaculating)...

 

Sometimes, I just dont want to ejaculate!! cause ejaculating is the END and I just dont want it to end.. so after the Mrs. has had her FILL I take my time in motions I enjoy ?

 

in a swinging situation it is a lot different... there is a lot more stimulation going on... new sensations... new people... so over an hour of pounding does not seem out of the ordinary.

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Ah ... you refer to the gentlemen who are practiced in the fine art of "IRON COCK" -Kung Fu.

 

(*laughing*)

 

Yes, I've seen it happen where a gal is getting POUNDED on by a gentleman and he's going & going & GOING & GOING... and you just start checking the clock because your brain cannot figure out how he's still going after all this time and HOUR hand on the clock has started moving!

 

At first, you start to cheer the guy on ... because, damn, that's impressive ... but then you start to just feel bad for the gal because she's not going to be able to walk after that! (And when it happens at a party - I don't consider that good "party-sharing" because it monopolizes a gal's entire night at the party & pretty much ruins her for the rest of the night)

 

How do these guys do it?

 

... some may have already cum earlier that evening (I know that I need a LOT more time to get off the second or third time around).

 

... some may actually practice tantric sex techniques which get them to the point where they don't ejaculate. (part of this involves strengthening the PC-Muscles (I think that's what they call it) - similar to kegel exercises in women - so that they can hold off their ejaculations & "shoot across the room" when they do cum)

 

... some may be riding "the blue pill" (viagra) or using some other erectile enhancement drug - which, from what I've heard, can let you maintain erections - but can make it very difficult to achieve orgasm & ejaculation.

 

... I've seen some guys at parties with cock-rings in place which restrict the blood flow back out of the penis - which lets them maintain erections for prolonged periods.

 

However they manage to achieve this "Iron Cock" Kung Fu ... they need to be sure that their partners are okay with that as well.

 

 

(Incidently - 20 to 25 minutes is perfectly adequate for MOST of the women I've ever been with)

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Well in my younger days I had the premature problem, and so I would hold off for as long as i could as that was what was expected or so I thought. Now I'm older and I do have orgasms just no ejaculate and I tend to get to that point then it stops I think its a learned process and now its very hard to turn it off.

 

In a club I find I'm just about to cum and I will see something off to the side or some one talking and its gone. Subconsciously i think I'm so used to trying to please that now I do it without thinking and yes it can get frustrating for me as well as my partner. I can honestly say without regret that I can orgasm without cumming, so much like a women who is a squirter not all orgasms end with something to clean up.

 

I really hope I'm able to get my point across here, that a cumshot isn't the only sign of an orgasm in some men or perhaps I'm just strange..

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In our younger days (I'm 52, H is 56) we would screw for an hour or more non-stop .... and it was GOOOOOOOD. :kissface:

 

Now, I'm MUCH more into stroking, kissing, feeling, and changing positions than going for "endurance pounding". :lol:

 

Honestly, after about 30 minutes of steady "pounding", I'll push you off just to get a position change, lol. Changing positions keeps the juices flowing and gets me rubbed in different ways.

 

Anything over 45 minutes in one position in NOT going to get me an orgasm. :surrend:

 

So to answer your original question ... YES, there are and will always be men out there who can go at it for what seems like an eternity. But take my word for it ... "Most" of us gals would rather have some variety and position changes to keep us interested. :D

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Mrs. Ekies does not like to be pounded for short or long periods...she likes to grind.

 

If you're 6 to 8 inches...go deep and grind against her clit...if you're over 8 lay on your back and allow her to mount-up and grind so she can control depth...her cervix is sensitive and must be treated properly...

 

If you put her on her back and pound for an hour you'll lose her...it doesn't touch all the right spots in sufficient quantity or quality to send her over the edge.

 

I have had moments where I could go on and on...a couple of drinks and a condom will do it almost every time...I have many experiences where I couldn't cum...it got too late and I was de-sensitized from all of the sensations from the previous two hours.

 

It has been my experience that most women want to play in a given position for a few minutes and then switch...which is what I like...I had one of my favorites ask me why I didn't fuck her on her kitchen counter again...ah, variety!

 

I simply can't do the ol' in-and-out for an hour...or even half an hour. If I cross paths with a woman who only likes straight pounding for an hour she's gonna be disappointed. I will do my best but it's just not my strong suit.

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bushwhacker_tx said:
 

I find the longer I hold off cumming the harder it is for me to cum. I don't know if this is common but it is a bit of a disadvantage because the lady can't be completely spent. She has to be prepared for me to ride her hard at the end of the play session, in order for me to cross the finish line. So far, I have always crossed the finish line last :hahaha:!

 

Any of you other guys have this problem after holding off for very long?

 

I've never met anyone with the same situation as me!  (I, um, wouldn't call it a problem) awesome!

 

Before I met p, I had a nasty habit of lasting forever. She's the only woman (or man for that matter) I've ever been with I can come easily from. Everyone else, gloved or otherwise, it takes me an inordinate amount of time.

 

Back in the day I've lasted roughly three hours before, but that's mostly because of whiskey dick. I don't get soft, I just lose all my sensation. Blood stays where it needs to. At that point, it is not enjoyable for either of us. It starts to hurt, but like i say, I'm drunk so whatever. And she is determined to make me cum if she has to hold a seminar at the Hyatt for my sperm to attend.

 

These days when it happens (usually not because of booze but because i get shy around people), I tell the woman to think of me as a sex toy and I'm here just for her. Because in all honesty, I'm completely useless at that point otherwise.

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Well, it can take seconds, minutes, hours, an evening, a weekend... or a decade! No one correct answer...

 

on the stamina thing (and boredom/dryness) I try to be aware of that and vary/stop/lubricate/joke/tell about what is happening then & there/change positions/develop a fantasy, etc, etc as people on here discuss. This few of hour thing is *highly* unusual for us, I was just responding to the question.

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Guest ENCRYPTEDTX

There have been lots of great responses to this topic.

 

Let me see if I can add a few points from a single guys perspective:

 

Newness- The experience for the guys were new. Your wife was foreign to them, so this may have contributed to their abilities to last longer.

 

Emotions- Since there was not the "emotional" ties to your wife, they could have been able to last quite a bit longer. We all know that emotional, heart felt sex can drive a guy to the brink in a hurry.

 

Condoms- A condom will de-sensitize things quite a bit leading to more stamina. Some condoms actually have so de-sensitizing agents in them so they are able to delay release.

 

Another Guy-Another point is that in a MFM situation, some guys are not 100% fully relaxed and will delay orgasm. They are able to maintain erection and go through the physical motions.

 

My thoughts on sex for an hour:

 

Isn't it supposed to last that long?

 

You dont buy a new sports car from a dealer and have it towed home do you? You drive it around town a few times or until it runs out of gas!

 

Each partner and each experience are different. Others have mentioned the guy "pumping" away for an hour....like an oil rig maybe? I have to agree this would get old in a few short minutes. I dont see how the male or your wife were pleasured by that.

 

Variety of motion/speed, depth of penetration, and a couple position changes will eat up the better part of an hour when I am with a partner I am "in tune" with.

 

I would consider yourself lucky as many here can post horror stories of meeting single guys.

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Hmm . . . I haven't run into too many guys that can "pound away" for an hour or so. While I could probably go for that long if really wound up, there would at least have to be position changes every now and then.

 

If you're talking about the whole shebang*, foreplay included, then it's not unusual at all. I rather enjoy drawing foreplay out as long as I possibly can, bringing the guy to the edge of orgasm and backing off/changing techniques. That can often cause the guy to pop pretty quickly--which is fine, 'cause that triggers another orgasm for me.

 

*pun intended

 

=)

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Most guys don't last more than a few minutes the first time with Mrs. TwoHots because she is so tight, and by the time she is ready for action they are ready to pop. Second time around most of them can last a while, but we have only encountered one guy who lasted an hour. Afterwards he told us that he jacked off twice that morning to make sure that he was able to last a long time. Unfortunately, while he could go a second round, there was no third round left in him.

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Well, there's two things at play here, pure stamina and concentration. I consider stamina the physical ability to exert yourself for a period of time.

 

For me, concentration is what allows me to control my orgasm, for the most part. Communication is another one, especially if she's on top. By far the most important part of it though is knowledge of my body and a lot of practice! Oddly enough, masturbation is a great way to learn your ENTIRE orgasm timeline, which really starts long before you get close to the edge. Once you know what makes you cum, you can try to experiment with things that will hold you short of the "point of no return". Every man is different, so telling you what works for me would be pointless. In any event, the GREAT thing about mastering this isn't so much controlling when not to cum, but rather controlling when you DO cum... Most woman I have been with WANT you to cum. She feels as much satisfaction getting your rock off as you do getting hers off, so imagine being able to say to her "would you like me to cum", her eyes lighting up, and then cumming with her next orgasm! That last one is kinda hard if you're with someone new (everyone's orgasm is different and not always obvious, unless she squirts).

 

Bottom line, practice practice practice.. Know thy dick, and use masturbation for something other then just simply rubbing one out!

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LOL! If someone tried to fuck my wife for an hour straight she would tell them to get the fuck off after about 1/2 hr:surrend:. I have no problem getting her there 2 or 3 times in a half hour though. She isn't into what she calls "marathon sex" (an hour straight would qualify). She prefers to break it up with oral, touching, etc, then going back to it.

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cpl1355 said:
The first couple of times I felt kind of jealous in the fact that these guys could satisfy my wife so many times, but I am completely over that (hell, it has made our lovemaking a lot more exciting and to watch her in the throws of passion gets me going anyway). I just want to know how is it possible for these guys to last this long??

 

We're MMF veterans and one of the things we figured out after casual conversation with a lot of the single guys was that they would jerk off before meeting us that night in order to increase their stamina in order to "please" her.....I doubt this is rare; I'm sure many more than just the ones we've met have done the same thing.

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Certain medications can increase staying power.

 

In MY case after I got sick back in '04 I went through a serious bout of depression because I was forced into retirement at the age of THIRTY!

 

After I came home from the hospital I was on a huge daily regiment of medications including anti depressants and apparently there is something in those that can interfere with the pleasure center of your brain.

 

The 1st time we noticed was after a TWO hour "marathon" LOL

 

Then of course the wife was like: "Am I not good enough for you anymore? Why did it take you so long to finish?"

 

It actually became an issue till my doctor told us it was the anti depressant I was on causing the issue.

 

Personally I LOVED it but was sore as Hell the next day as was she but in the end was more of a problem than an enjoyment for her :(

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(male) has experimented with Viagra a few times and that seems to not only make him REALLY REALLY hard, it increases his stamina. Pretty much is able to control his orgasm for as long as needed/wanted. Was with a very hot redhead once and doing her doggie, she had orgasm after orgasm but then it was clear she was "done", she looked him deep in the eyes and said, "cum for me now, cum deep inside". That's all it took!

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(male) has experimented with Viagra a few times and that seems to not only make him REALLY REALLY hard, it increases his stamina. Pretty much is able to control his orgasm for as long as needed/wanted. Was with a very hot redhead once and doing her doggie, she had orgasm after orgasm but then it was clear she was "done", she looked him deep in the eyes and said, "cum for me now, cum deep inside". That's all it took!

 

Hmmmm... golly, this makes me curious to try one of those "enhancement"-pills

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    • By RRTpilot6969
      My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
       
      I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
       
      I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
       
      She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
       
      My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
       
      But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
       
      It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
       
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      With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
       
      I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.
    • By CandT33
      The very 1st time...
      Was it exciting, nerve racking, defeating?
       
      What was the conversation after the fact, did it effect you two negatively?
      Also did you discuss it before it happened?
       
      We are new and I am just unsure how it will effect me and/or her.
      She has been with 3 other guys since we started about 3/4 months ago.
      I have not had to deal with the above question yet, so looking for some insight from others.
    • By let's do it again
      Just finished watching a YouTube video about the O and P shot, I had never heard of this. This is for middle aged men and women where a doctor uses a vial of your own blood,spins it and takes the platelets to inject back into the clitoris or the penis to improve blood flow. The doctor who did the video said she gets this treatment about every 9 months. She recommends this for people having problems with ED problems or orgasm difficulties.  So, have you heard of this or have you had this treatment?
    • By Valha
      Hi, Mr. V. here. We have enjoyed some limited play experiences, some great, some so so, and Mrs. V all of a sudden is wanting to put swinging on hold and here's her reasoning why- She says that so far, none of the sex is as good as she has it with me so she's asking "what's the point?". I say because I've enjoyed watching her getting pleased from a new perspective and enjoy her coming back to me, and I've enjoyed new experiences and coming back to her. We've had great 'reclamation sex' too so I cited that as a reason. Is she expecting too much? Maybe we need to be a lot more selective in partners?
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    • By foozballnow
      In your experience with swinging, either being the guy yourself, or the woman experiencing it, when does the guy normally cum? Do you have the woman perform oral and cum through there so you last longer for sex? Do you let the woman get you started with oral but only cum during sex? Or do you skip oral completely and just cum through sex. Normally we cum through sex, but sometimes the girl is really good at oral so I (male) don't know to make her stop or let it go...Just curious what the rest of you do in a similar situation.
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