Couples with bi men

[gsu22 187]

Through previous threads I know that the whole "bi men thing" is different from bi women in terms of acceptance and the overall view. But for those couples on here who are either both bi or where at least the husband is bi, has it been hard for you finding bi men to play with? And are there any bi men on here who have found success with bi couples?

 

As stated in some of my previous posts, I do have a desire to try some bi activities. But I have tried and tried to find a couple where both are bi and I've had absolutely no luck!! Granted, my search has included couples where the male has had very limited bi experience because I'm still a bi virgin and very nervous about trying anything... but I've gone through friends and searched the net and obviously most have bi wives w/str8 husbands...

[curiouscpl0105k 16]

My husband and I are in search of a couple with a bi-male and find the same things you mentioned to be true. We seem to be a bit of the odd couple out in a few ways mainly b/c we are new to this, this meaning we are bi-virgins as well, also we have been together for almost 5 years w/ no other sexual partners included, and we both want to get all of our desires to explore our own bi-curious sides out of the way before we think about the swinging/swapping aspect of things. Sorry for running on so w/ that!

 

The thing is that we REALLY want to do all of this together...which is why we so want to find another couple who want the same FF play, MM play before other things. It does seem that there MUST be others out there who want to do the same...but we've yet to find any of them.

[menher1559 17]

Your post have a lot of true statements, however there are couples out there where they are both bi or the male is bi or to the very least curious. Our situation is that I am bi, wife is more bi tolerant (meaning if the mood hits her she will have sex with a woman) and when we play we generally look for single men that are at the least willing to experiment with it. We have also found the joy of a few couples where both are bi curious and that has made for some memorable events. We have been meeting with one couple over the past few years where she was bi and he was straight, but recently he admitted that he wanted to experiement with bi sex and had discussed it with his wife, and when the opportunity for us to meet again comes along, we've agreed to play some mm and ff and then one for all and all for one.

 

Bisexual couples are out there, they are just harder to find. A great number of men are willing to experiement. They simply need to be comfortable with their partner the other partners and good dicussion between all parties is necessary for it all to come together.

 

Best wishes on finding the situation out there. Be patient. It can happen

[DBStPete 20]

One trend I've noticed is that the bi couples tend to be older. Once you get into the "senior swingers" group, it's actually not uncommon at all. Maybe it's because people get more comfortable with themselves and their sexuality as they get older?

 

As for us, even though I'm somewhat bi-curious, for now at least our profile is adamant that we only want straight guys. Why? A couple of reasons, that may or may not be justified. One is fear of AIDS. Yes, we practice safe sex (well, usually), but that's never 100%. The closer you get to the gay or IV drug communities, the more risk there is. A second reason is to not get hit on by guys who are more gay than bi. Based on our own experience and in talking to other couples, that seems to be fairly common.

 

Then there's the issue of "what's bi"? For me, I like cocks and find them fascinating, but I don't think of men as sex objects, and I have zero interest in anal sex with men, giving or receiving. If I say I'm "bi curious" will that imply I'm bi-anal-sex-curious? Better not. Easier to just not go there.

 

I find it more comfortable to get to know folks and see where things go. I've had several experiences that you could only count as bi with supposedly-straight guys in the context of MFM sex. I suspect it's more common than you might think, especially if you're talking about things other than male anal sex. I also suspect there are more "stealth bi" couples out there, just like us. Maybe look for couples that seem particularly open-minded, and go from there?

[jcbicouple 24]

We are both bi, and have no problems finding bi playmates. We understand why newly bi or bi-curious do though, because we are one of the couples that turns down "bi curious" people on the net (both female and male).

 

Why? A couple of reasons. First, We've found that most of the "bi curious" we meet through the internet tend to turn out straight (this may just be that they are nervous or too afraid to try, whatever, but it doesn't change the outcome).

 

Second, There are so many "straight" (that say they are really bi or curious in their e mail or IMs) and "bi curious" people as well as "bi" people that contact us on the net that we limit our "interest" to bi people: It helps to eliminate most without the effort involved in meeting or the hassle of the first reason.

 

We do play with Curious and Straight people when we meet them through chance meetings, but the straight people have to be at least bi tolerant and not be uncomfortable with either of us.

[curiouscpl0105k 16]

I can see where all of you are coming from in your responses.

 

Imust say that i feel a bit more down than uplifted though after reading the final post here....about turning down "bi-curious" couples simply b/c they call themselves "bi-curious".

i totally get (after lurking around and reading many posts as they appear) that there is a BIG iffy trust issue as far as finding people on the internet goes....but as I've said before we are stuck w/ this method for the time being due mainly to our own social issues!

 

However....we REALLY ARE bi-curious, and that;s the best way I've found to describe it!

 

We are BOTH completely happy w/ our own personal, married, heterosexual sex life...BUT we BOTH want to experience sex with a SAME SEX partner. my husband is a master at giving me oral...and he loves to fantasize about giving and/or receiving head, hand jobs and possibly anal with another man. I also have always (since i was young) wanted to and knew i would have sex with another woman. It just happens to be that we are going to do this all together.

 

I am not at all coming down on you for your decision (as I am SURE you know these ropes better than we do!,) Ii just know that in the amount of time we have been seeking out others who are of like minds...that we have run across COUNTLESS scum...and i HATE to think that we are also being grouped in with these sort of people...the ones who "say" they have a wife...and that they are "really" bi-curious...but all they want is a photo or two of some nice tits!

 

Bt...we will press on and hopefully (as with other internet "groups" of sorts) we will make our intentions known as we stick around and meld into the online swinger community!

[xxoticangel 99]

I label myself bi on these boards because I have had oral sex with men (2) in the context of swinging with my wife. In our online ads I list myself as straight. Why? Becsues we are not really looking for a bi-male. If it happens thats ok but the main thing we are looking for is couples and single guys for MFM.

 

I also understand jcbicouple's reluctance to play with bi-curious people. My wife has had a few dissappointing expierences with "bi-curious" women. Most bi-curious woman are just doing it for their husband and have no real interest in it themselves. If you are bi you are bi, you may be a bi-virgin but you are still bi. If you are not sure if you want to have sex with someone of the same gender you are probably not bi. curiouscpl0105k said

we BOTH want to experience sex with a SAME SEX partner

if that is true you are bi not just curious.

[DBStPete 20]

I think xxoticangel makes an excellent point. If you know (or at least are really sure) that you want to have same-sex sex, then you are bi, not "bi-curious", at least in the context of what people mean by that in ads.

 

As has been pointed out in this thread, what people put in their ads regarding their gender-sex desires doesn't necessarily map 100% with who they really are, for various good (and sometimes not-so-good) reasons. What is put in ads is often more about what is desired than what is possible. Another example of this is the vast majority of couples who say NO SINGLE MEN in their ads. A large percentage of those couples do, in fact, play with single men on occasion. So why don't they say so? Because they don't want the side effects of such a public declaration.

 

For you guys, you *want* bi, even though you don't have much (any) experience yet. That suggests to me you should label yourself as bi, not bi-curious. That way you show up on the radar screens of the folks like jcbicouple. I think all of us, as swingers, are more likely to respond to those who are seriously interested in our particular interest, rather than folks who are "open minded, will try anything". As to your lack of experience, you can explain your exact situation to prospective playmates during the meetup process. While some will say "no" on that basis, most will, I think, not hold that against you if it gets that far.

[xxoticangel 99]

As I have gone about the house doing stuff today my mind keeps drifting back to this thread. Since my earlier post I have began to wonder how would a male break the bi-ice with another male if it wasn't understood before and how would you express your limits without breaking the mood. The first time I was with a guy it just sort of happened with my wife's urging. She knows about my tendencies and was able to urge him into starting oral on me. The second time was with a transexual that was on hormones. He had boobs, no body hair, and due to the drugs was unable to achieve a full erection. At one point that night I took him anally but that was at his urging. The reason I bring this up is we have a date this coming Saturday with a bi-male. If at some point in the evening I want to cross that line how do I do so? He may not want to with me or vice versa so I am uncomfortable bringing it up ahead of time. Also, how do I let him know that I don't bottom? If he is into bottoming for me thats fine but I have no interest in returning the favor.

[jcbicouple 24]

As I have gone about the house doing stuff today my mind keeps drifting back to this thread. Since my earlier post I have began to wonder how would a male break the bi-ice with another male if it wasn't understood before and how would you express your limits without breaking the mood. The first time I was with a guy it just sort of happened with my wife's urging. She knows about my tendencies and was able to urge him into starting oral on me. The second time was with a transexual that was on hormones. He had boobs, no body hair, and due to the drugs was unable to achieve a full erection. At one point that night I took him anally but that was at his urging. The reason I bring this up is we have a date this coming Saturday with a bi-male. If at some point in the evening I want to cross that line how do I do so? He may not want to with me or vice versa so I am uncomfortable bringing it up ahead of time. Also, how do I let him know that I don't bottom? If he is into bottoming for me thats fine but I have no interest in returning the favor.

Bring it up the same way you would with any potential playmate. Interests and limits are a normal part of pre-playtime talk/chat. You said he is bi so he shouldn't have an issue with your wanting to discuss these things before playtime.

[gsu22 187]

I've enjoyed reading the posts....thanks for the great insights!

 

Regarding the post saying they limit their search to bi, not bicurious.....I absoulutely see what you're saying.....my whole thing is like curiouscpl's....I want to find a couple where the male has very limited bi experience if any b/c honestly, I wouldn't be nearly as nervous and then my hopes would be that the both of us could explore different aspects of MM activity without worry....

 

It is terrible that so many people do label themselves "curious" just to get their foot in the door with a couple.....I can just imagine the letdown when you're with the "curious" person and nothing ends up happening

[confunktion 20]

Agreed with jcbicouple: I would think that it's the same with anybody you'd like to play with, M or F. To maybe ease your anxiety, try talking about boundaries before the evening, maybe over the phone or email/IM if need be. If that can't happen and you are going out with the M, head to the bar, do a shot together (or a similar activity), and take care of the "paperwork". The earlier you do it, the more relaxed the evening will become.

 

As far as bi-vs-bicurious, I can see where the "bi" description would be more effective. I guess I didn't realize that people with the "bicurious" description often turned out to be letdowns. Using the "bi" title may instill confidence in the potential playmates that expectations will be fullfilled more often than not. If you're serious, take the plunge.

 

Good luck!

[curiouscpl0105k 16]

great points again....

 

And I think that I agree w/ the suggestion from jcbicpl and others about including the "curious" aspect of really knowing that we are both bi.

 

I guess I thought that it was being honest when we started exploring and talking to others...and that the "curious" said that we were "bi-virgins".

 

I have thought this myself many times though, about the fact that if you KNOW you want a same sex experience you are pretty much just Bi...and the more I have learned (especially where the internet is concerned) over the past months, I think you guys are right on in your comments. it does seem to be the common term used for people out looking for something other than what they say they are!

 

So i think that I will take the advice here, and from now on label myself as just simply a Married Bi Female! Simple enough, and the male version of that goes for the hubby. I think, like others have said, it is just easier that way...and of course all needed details can be discussed as the talk progresses with each couple/individual.

[JnCC 24]

"...I have tried and tried to find a couple where both are bi and I've had absoulutely no luck!!"

 

The problem you're having hasn't got as much to do with the fact that you're bi-, as it has to do with the fact that you're single. If you're really serious about this "MMF" thing, get your girlfriend to be the "F" in your fantasy. If you don't have a girlfriend, get one. There are 150 million women out there. Hell, I know 3 right now that have told me they'd be turned on by watching a guy do a guy, and they're all bi-

 

"I do have a desire to try some bi activities"

 

That's another easy one to fix. Fortunately, you won't have to wait "months and months" for somebody to contact you to light the fuse on this one.

 

Just remember..."a dick is a dick, no matter who else is in the picture." Ready? Let's get started...

 

1) Put on some tight leather pants, vest, and a dog collar w/studded leash.

2) Go to so-called "leather bar"

3) Stand near men's room, and blow kisses at every man who walks past.

 

I'd say that by closing time, you ought to know if you're just "curious" or this is something you'd like to do again in the near future. What's the worst that can happen? You get a mouth full of goo and a sore asshole. Maybe an eyelid that's stuck closed. Get over it! It's better than going through life knowing that you missed something you were definitely "curious" about because you lacked the balls to act, right?

 

"I'm still a bi virgin and very nervous about trying anything"

 

Nervous about what? That you're not going to do it right? For crying out loud, if you don't know how a blowjob is supposed to go, go downtown and BUY yourself one! What the hell, stick around another 10 minutes, tip the girl (or guy, if applicable) another $20 and ask him to teach you! There's not that much to it, as any 15-year-old girl in public school can attest.

 

I agree with the people who get a liittle cheesed at these "Oh gee, I'm just a little bit bi-curious, tee-hee-hee!" profiles. I figure either you are, or you're not. If you are, great. I have friends that are, and say so on their profile. I have a LOT of respect for any man that can say "Hell yea, I'm bi! So what?" I also have a great deal of respect for guys who admit they're "not homophobic," as I do for guys that respond with a pleasant "Thanks, but I'm not interested" At least they know what they are.

 

And if, at one time they didn't know, at least they knew what to do to find out.

 

But guys who've been "curious" about their bisexuality, but have "never really tried it?"

 

Give me a break...

[gsu22 187]

Well, we all can't jump in head first and just go for it. Excuse me for being a little timid but thats just the way I am. I don't lack the balls to do anything. I want to and will eventually try MM...but until then, I will have to remain curious.

 

Part of swinging....sex....bisex....whatever.... involves doing what you're comfortable with...forcing something can sometimes kill the experience....I'm not going to suck any dick I see in a "leather bar".....and for several reasons, hitting a gay bar wasn't what I had in mind for my first bi experience

 

And honestly, I don't think getting a girlfriend is really going to help...being a single male up until this point has worked well for me...

[JnCC 24]

Well, we all can't jump in head first and just go for it

Hmmm...maybe you ought to reconsider going downtown and paying for a blowjob from a pro? Because "jumping in headfirst and going for it" is exactly how every one I'VE ever had was done. (I think that's why they call it "giving head." If you jumped in ass-first, they'd call it "giving ass" and it would be a totally different experience, IMHO)

 

 

I don't lack the balls to do anything...

Sorry for that comment. I tried to edit it out, but I was too late. Of course you "have balls." Giving another man a blow job wouldn't be "bi-sex" if you didn't. My bad...

 

 

forcing something can sometimes kill the experience

I wasn't suggesting that anybody "force" you, although you DO seem to need a little more "encouragement" to get over your sexual hang-ups than most gay guys.

 

 

I'm not going to suck any dick I see in a "leather bar

I wasn't suggesting that you suck "any" dick. I was suggesting that you suck only the ones you find attractive, the same as you would if the guy had a girlfriend standing on the other side of the bathroom stall. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear on that...

 

 

I don't think getting a girlfriend is really going to help...being a single male up until this point has worked well for me...

Funny, that's not the impression I got from reading your original post.

 

Man, I know it's tough out there. I'm just trying to help, that's all.....

[Chasinpink 15]

Then there's the issue of "what's bi"? For me, I like cocks and find them fascinating, but I don't think of men as sex objects,

 

There's a simple solution - pre-op TS. One that is truly feminine, not a male cross dresser. Then you have a woman's body and a cock.

[DBStPete 20]

There's a simple solution - pre-op TS. One that is truly feminine, not a male cross dresser. Then you have a woman's body and a cock.

 

I don't think so. I can't even stand piercings or silicone. Body mutilation is not my thing.

 

I think we've seen in this thread why a number of us somewhat-bi guys don't talk about it or put it in our profiles.

[Curiously 15]

This is a very interesting subject. I do have a question about something that has not been covered yet. What if you have a Bi- husband and the wife is not totaly "into it" What does she do??

 

Just curious

[mf69_98 20]

Now when my wife & I started swining a few years ago, I read that is you only did oral, but not anal, you said you were bi-curious. Bi meant that you would do anal as well. Now I see a new twist - if you have done MM action & enjoy it, you're bi (I wear a bi pride bracelet, so anyone who knows what it is, knows it). My wife has played with a few women, but won't do oral on them, but has done just about everything else (receiving oral as well), and enjoyed it to the point of having orgasms, but doesn't consider herself bi or bi-curious. If we play with another couple, we don't care if there is no bi action (if there is, it's icing on the cake), but if a single guy or gal joins us for a 3some, we basically expect bi action, especially if it's a guy joining us. She has a lover now that I share a lot with her. We do oral on each other & it drives my wife wild to watch us. She's even admitted that she's picked up some oral tricks from watching me with other guys.

 

We have run into guys who say there're open to bi action & then back off when I try to initiate it. Also, since she's a blood donar, we can't play with any guys who have done MM anal and have caught a couple of guys who have lied about not having done it (I have read messages from them in yahoo groups under another screen name, but same pic on their profile), so I check out those groups to see if they're honest about it.

 

What we really would prefer is to have a small group of playmates that we all just play together so we know there's no disease or anything else in the group, but haven't gotten anywhere close to that yet.