Worried she will enjoy sex with me less if she has sex with a guy who is larger

[markholly 16]

Hi. We are new to the board and to the lifestyle. I have a question I hope to get an honest answer to. background: I started dating my wife when she was just out of high school. We've been married for 15 years now and the last couple our sex life has seemed a little stale. We have discussed the possibility of swinging. She has almost no experience other than with me. She wants to try a MFM and has said that she would like to try it with a guy who has a very large penis. Mine is fairly small. To be honest I was more enthusiastic about this whole idea before she started talking about penis sizes. I'm worried that she may find sex with me less interesting if she has sex with a guy who is very well endowed. I'd appreciate an honest answer. Am I making a mistake? Thanks in advance for your response.

[dave110256 21]

Tough question...........but I don't think your wife will find out that the size of the penis has anything to do with the ability to please her sexually. I think most women wonder how a larger penis would feel, I know I'd love to see my wife make the best of a big one.......

[FLRooster 43]

Yeah, I think it is a common fantasy....and not always as good as they think it will be.....sometimes big CAN be too big

[Tom & Bonnie 99]

With tongue firmly embeded inhis cheek, Tom sez...

 

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. Penises are only as good as their operators. And, if she would want to leave you for another, larger penis, it would seem that there are more problems in your relationship than just dick size!"

 

seriously, swinging is all about experimentation. So, experiment and enjoy yourselves!

[Alura 2,773]

Welcome from Oklahoma, Mark & Holly! We're glad y'all have joined us and wish you two the best in your search.

 

I've been lucky to see my wife "make the best of a big one." It was one of the most erotic sights I've ever seen.

 

We've played with two couples who were married young. In the case of one couple, we were the first experience, other than their spouse, for both of them. We played with them for several years. Fun couple! Very creative!

 

Your's is not an unusual situation. I wouldn't worry about the "big ones." They're not all that easy to find.

 

One of our rules is that we always sleep together. After a night of play with another couple, we invariably have energy left to make love with each other. It's always better than the play, including the Big Dicked guy.

 

Mr. Alura

[FLRooster 43]

Another common thing I hear is that thickness is often more important than length in terms of sensation......

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Hi markholly -

 

Welcome to the Swingers Board!

 

It isn't unusual to feel threatened by the thought of your wife wanting to exprience a bigger penis inside her. Talk with her about her fantasy. Try to share her pleasure while she discusses her fantasy with you. Talking openly about sex, and exploring more sexual activities together, is where to begin before you bring others into your bedroom.

 

Read this board and you'll find many posts about the topics of jealousy and insecurity when swinging, and how to deal with it. If you and your wife are committed to each other and have a solid marriage it will remain solid if you decide to swing. Approach swinging slowly and learn about it here, before you begin.

 

Glad you have joined the board!

 

LM

[good times 991]

Welcome to the board markholly, Dito what everybody else has said and keep in mind their is no way someone with a little bigger tool can make up for your 15 years of acumulated experiance of what your wife likes. My wife and I have now experianced many different shapes and sizes and no one has been able to match much less exceed the sexual pleasure we have with each other.

[SexhoundDog 18]

And, if she would want to leave you for another, larger penis, it would seem that there are more problems in your relationship than just dick size!"

 

 

I can't really add a helluva lot to that comment!

 

I personally would hope that if my wife wants to do MFM, she'd be lucky enough to find a guy with a big 'un who knew how to use it. I WANT her to be pleasured, enjoying the eye candy and new sensation. And although I can imagine your wife wanting a big one, look for a quality guy and hope that he also the big one she wants!

[northindycpl 32]

Markholly,

 

Would you leave your wife for a woman with bigger breasts? I doubt it, so why would you worry that she will leave you for a man with a bigger penis?

 

Seriously, unless your erect penis looks like a wart on your butt, it probably isn't actually a small one - seems like I recently read that most men think the average size is 10 inches, while most women think the average size is around 4 inches!

 

Best advice: talk to her about it.

 

Mr. NorthIndyCpl

[soflafun 15]

It’s not the actual physical penetration or the size, shape or whatever. It’s a fantasy that she has. Would you trade her for a girl with a tighter pussy? NO! but being there in that situation sharing such exiting delight with your wife participating would be the biggest turn-on not the physical characteristics of your boy/girl toy.

relax and enjoy

S&M

[HotMoCpl 20]

Let's look at it from another angle. Many women worry that they're husbund will find a tighter vagina then themselves. My first wife was much tighter then my current wife, but this wife is so much more fun. Besides, she's gotten better at controlling her vaginal muscles.

 

Then there is the other side. As an U.S. Army Recruiter we had a saying, "You can't have what you never had". In your case, let's hope not.

[intuition897 2,179]

Welcome to the board markholly.

 

Don't sweat it. It's the same as a woman worrying that her husband will leave her once he's had a taste of a perkier, firmer... younger... piece of ass. After it's happened, you realize that it's nowhere near as horrible as you've built it up in your mind to be. She's not just a piece of ass, but a real live person who, if you've been adequately picky, is respectful of your relationship with your husband. Ok, so maybe she's got an absolutely perfect body - and maybe he's got a really huge cock - but you realize that your husband (or in your case, your wife) is harboring no feelings of longing other than to get you home and screw your brains out because he's just so excited over the whole experience. It's just fantasy. If she realizes that she really enjoyed the experience and wants to try it again, why not? Or you can surprise her with a monster sized dildo for her birthday or something; Mr. intuition did that. It only comes out to play very infrequently however as "sometimes big CAN be too big " holds true. We haven't tried a MFM yet, but it's in the works. I know he'd love to watch me "try to make the best of a big one." lol

The bottom line is that I have NO complaints whatsoever about Mr. intuition's 'package' and about his ability to satisfy me. I agree with Mr. intuition's feelings about other people being more attractive than our own spouses: in order to hold our sexual attention, the other person NEEDS to be very attractive. We don't share love or deep intimacy with them, so they need to have something else that catches the eye and gets the pulse racing. And part of the fun is in experiencing differences between our own partner and someone else. It only accentuates the value of what we have together. My advice? Relax and enjoy the fantasy that your wife's willing to share with you.

[Compersor 15]

Length is not so much what matters. My wife likes a fairly thick penis, that is not too long. Recently she was fucked by a guy who was just too big for her and it is an experience she doesn't wish to repeat. It left her sore after.

You should never feel inadequate about the size of your equipment and that of a visiting male. You and your wife have something (a solid marriage if you are ready to swing) that cannot possibly be threatened by a big dick, quite on the contrary, the excitement of the sharing, the complicity and the ensuing increased intimacy between the two of you will only bring you closer together.

I love it when my wife can enjoy a man who is more handsome, better hung and better built than me. It doesn't faze me in the slightest.

[DBL D 120]

What I've found is that a lot of people new to the lifestyle (We're sort of in the middle ground) seem to focus on the negative aspect of things. Like worrying about the tighter pussy/bigger dick thing instead of how you Want to be able to experience it all.

 

Ideas of insecurity must be left behind in a real joint pursuit of happiness.

 

Male D

[JessicaJamison 858]

I get off on seduction, and every sexual experience is different.  When I get seduced by a man with a big dick I'm like, 'yes Score'.  The reason is cause I know I'm gonna cum, cause thats what a big dick does for me.  But its just a bonus to what I've already decided I am going to do.  If it is the same guy, same seduction, and an average package, I'mma still fuck him, and I'mma enjoy it.  Cause I'm already there mentally, I'm already horny, I'm already wet and ready to go.  Don't be worried about what someone else is packing, be focused on what you bring to the table, how you are gonna make her happy when its your time to be with her.  

[NWAtlSwing 522]

We have found we are both the right fit for each other. If he were any larger, there would not get to be any anal fun!

 

She is only 5'1" so there is just not a lot of room to keep going in. As far as thick, well she has to be in the mood. We have played with some sheaths once in a while for fun, and she does love two guys in there at once. At the end of the night, we go home together.

[Numex 2,371]

On 12/10/2004 at 9:21 AM, markholly said:

Worried she will enjoy sex with me less if she has sex with a guy who is larger

She won't enjoy you less, but she will appreciate you more for the experience. 

[cplnluv1 861]

Some men are larger and are horrible partners. No doubt she knows the size of her partner if he is much larger, no doubt it hasn’t affected our own sex life. 

[couplers 4,568]

On 12/10/2004 at 9:21 AM, markholly said:

Worried she will enjoy sex with me less if she has sex with a guy who is larger

She will love you more for giving her the opportunity for her to enjoy something that you can't give her.  It's true for all of us, everybody has something different to offer.  Bigger dick, tighter pussy, harder movements, bigger tits, anal - just be happy you can give her these things.

Edited January 2, 2021 by couplers

[JessicaJamison 858]

Let that kind of mentality go, I have had orgasms on big dicks and I have had orgasms on average size dicks.  We can have fun if we are turned on properly.  Sex for a woman is about the seduction not the size of the dick.  I have made the decision to fuck a guy before I see the size of his dick.  I have never pulled down a man's pants and said never mind its not big enough.  If I am turned on I'm fucking him, and I'm gonna get my orgasm even if I gotta do it myself.  Now big dicks are fucking fun, but it doesn't mean she will stop enjoying your dick.  

[Anon321 520]

8 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

Let that kind of mentality go, I have had orgasms on big dicks and I have had orgasms on average size dicks.  We can have fun if we are turned on properly.  Sex for a woman is about the seduction not the size of the dick.  I have made the decision to fuck a guy before I see the size of his dick.  I have never pulled down a man's pants and said never mind its not big enough.  If I am turned on I'm fucking him, and I'm gonna get my orgasm even if I gotta do it myself.  Now big dicks are fucking fun, but it doesn't mean she will stop enjoying your dick.  

This is pretty much my GF's feelings as well.  If she is horny and ready to go she is 100% in and not going to turn down sex because of penis size.  However I think it's kind of BS to say that women don't care about penis size at all because in my experience they like a big dick.  My GF always says my size is "perfect" as I am maybe 1-2 inches above average (not sure what average is).  But I've seen her eyes light up when she pulls out a really big dick.  And I can tell by the way she plays with it, rides it, etc that she enjoys a really big dick and she's not afraid tot admit it and it's very hot to watch her take it.  But if you ask her she will still say my dick which is probably 7 - 7.5" or so is still the perfect size.  Whether or not she is saying that to be nice I don't know but I can't make my dick any bigger so I don't stress out over it.

[JessicaJamison 858]

3 hours ago, Anon321 said:

However I think it's kind of BS to say that women don't care about penis size at all because in my experience they like a big dick. 

I never said that.  In fact I ended with, "Now big dicks are fucking fun, but it doesn't mean she will stop enjoying your dick" 

I love a big dick, especially if it is thick, cause a thick dick means I am gonna get my g-spot rocked and I am gonna cum hard and probably more than once.  I'm just saying if you seduce me to the point I'm pulling down your pants, what ever you are rocking I'm gonna be rocking on.  

[PeterJ 926]

My second wife (I’ve had three in total) was a clinical psychologist and a certified sex therapist. I recall early in our relationship she said (I’m paraphrasing here more than 40 years later) “Women tell men that size doesn’t matter, but the truth is that to most women it does.“ (She could be painfully frank, but judged my penis to be modestly larger in length and in girth than average but not huge. At this point in my life, after a couple of decades in the lifestyle, I’ve literally seen a couple hundred erect penises and what I’ve seen suggests she was being her candid self and not simply flattering a new boyfriend she didn’t wish to discourage.)

 

I know there are some Size Queen in the lifestyle, but I believe for even for most women, lifestyle & vanilla, who care about the size of their partner‘s direct penis, it’s only one factor among a number on which they subjectively judge the quality of a sexual partner. Nice to have, but far from essential. 
 

I should also note that for many surprising number of women a penis can be too long and/or too wide. The wife in a couple I’ve played with on a number of occasions told me, while we were watching a well endowed fellow fuck one of the other women at the party, that he had approached her over the years on a number of occasions and she had always declined, on the basis of his erect penis being too large for her to have an enjoyable fuck with him.

[Anon321 520]

3 hours ago, JessicaJamison said:

I never said that.  In fact I ended with, "Now big dicks are fucking fun, but it doesn't mean she will stop enjoying your dick" 

I love a big dick, especially if it is thick, cause a thick dick means I am gonna get my g-spot rocked and I am gonna cum hard and probably more than once.  I'm just saying if you seduce me to the point I'm pulling down your pants, what ever you are rocking I'm gonna be rocking on.  

Sorry that part wasn't meant to be directed at you.  I was speaking in general to people who say that "size doesn't matter."  I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but size does matter.  You can have a huge dick and be terrible at sex - I know because I've seen it.  The best sex my GF has ever had was definitely not with the biggest dick she ever had.  There is a lot more to it than just size.  But that doesn't mean that size doesn't matter.

[Anon321 520]

3 hours ago, PeterJ said:

I should also note that for many surprising number of women a penis can be too long and/or too wide. The wife in a couple I’ve played with on a number of occasions told me, while we were watching a well endowed fellow fuck one of the other women at the party, that he had approached her over the years on a number of occasions and she had always declined, on the basis of his erect penis being too large for her to have an enjoyable fuck with him.

That is true.  My GF had one like that before although it was freak show big.  Even some of the really big ones she has said she enjoys them as a treat but wouldn't want them regularly every day which is probably why she is so satisfied with my size.

[mlps 7]

We are also new and I have similar concerns. My wife was st first reluctant at the thought but now she is very enthusiastic. 

[MidwestHoneys 355]

I hope not, I am not the king of the locker room 

[Numex 2,371]

On 1/4/2021 at 12:22 AM, JessicaJamison said:

I have had orgasms on big dicks and I have had orgasms on average size dicks.

... and my wife says that she has had good orgasms on small dicks.  It may be more work, but she gets there and it's just as satisfying.  Just like I said about the woman in our group with the distinctively loose pussy, it is hard for me to cum, especially when she's already been slicked up, but when I get over the top, it is great.

Edited January 6, 2021 by Numex

[Numex 2,371]

On 1/4/2021 at 12:47 PM, PeterJ said:

for many surprising number of women a penis can be too long and/or too wide.

From women, including my wife, I've heard the "too long" complaint about a guy's dick, but never "too wide".  But on the other hand, these are all women over thirty and all but one has had vaginal child birth; I don't don't some guys can be too wide for some women.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

It's not the size of the wand but the skill of the magician.

 

We met one couple at a party where the man was a baseball coach and came with his own bat...it was HUGE and WIDE. Unfortunately, he thought that size was the only important thing here and would just hammer away at the poor woman. It actually frightened Ms. Gold since she doesn't like someone 'bottoming out' in her...it HURTS! While he was interested in Ms. Gold, we were able to avoid him.

[Getm212 0]

We are swingers our partners over the years are bigger than me. My wife enjoys large or small as see says "its how you use it what counts" some partners we pick up are quick cummers and they dont get a second chance.

[Getm212 0]

Ok sounds good

[Idahocouple6969 294]

My objective is for my wife to have the biggest, back breaking, squirting, mind blowing sex ever. What's the point of having sex that's "just as good as at home"? Bigger, smaller who cares? If it feels good and everyone is having a good time does it matter?

[TricianMike 766]

If you are worried about the size of the men she is with you have more to worry about than that. 

[LaidBackFun 36]

My wife has been with men that are larger than me ( a bit below average). She has always said that too large can be painful and that a lot of larger guys are selfish lovers.

She has always said that girth is the most important then length.   

[GoNatural 104]

On 12/10/2004 at 10:21 AM, markholly said:

 We are new to the board and to the lifestyle.

 

She wants to try a MFM and has said that she would like to try it with a guy who has a very large penis.

To me, this is a super common fantasy.  Usually, the husband is just as curious as the wife.   It's definitely a fantasy driven by curiosity, and also wanting to give those novelty things as a gift to your spouse.

 

As other pointed out though, there's lots of variables that can affect whether her first time with a really well hung guy goes well.  It often does, but..... it's not super rare that it is a flop...... or mediocre.      I say try it at least 3 times and with other hung guys, to be sure!      The real ones like that aren't always easy to find though, so.....   it can take a while.   That's all part of the journey though right?   Maybe it's best that the big highlights don't happen all in one week?     Having varied luck in swinging makes the good luck even that much more awesome!