Couples that play with singles: who calls who?

[magnum 78]

Couples that play with single guys and females. How do you feel about the guy or girl calling you asking to get together for a play date? Does that bother you, would you rather call the single playmate?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

As a single, I wouldn't call the couple and having been half a couple, I wouldn't have really liked a single calling up wanting to play.

 

Basically, singles in swinging are a toy for the couple. That doesn't mean the single should drop everything and come running whenever the couple calls but it does mean that it should be up to the couple to decide when playtime will be.

[TNT 1,155]

Personally, we don't mind when one of our single play buddies call to see if we want to get together, as we usually tell them if you find yourself free give us a call.

 

We really treat our single playmates the same as we do our couple playmates, if we have given you our number then your welcome to call anytime.

 

TNT

[VegasLee 1,486]

We treat everyone the same.

 

If they contact us and we have the time, cool, let's play but they also know that due to family or business we might not be able to so don't take it personal.

 

Just because someone is a single does not make them less of a person and we don't treat them as such.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Our experience so far (and it is well documented that we are looking for a steady single friend) has been that singles only contact you when they are horny...

 

Couples, on the other hand, don't seem to mind going out to dinner or something "non-sexual".

 

It is irritating as hell to not hear from a month and then get an e-mail that says "need any help this weekend?" Screw that... If you are going to feel like you can contact us, then contact us as friends as well...

 

If friendship isn't your thing, then we had fun, see you later...

 

Spoomonkey

[EternallySingle 32]

I've had sort of a different experience. I've found that if I do contact someone (couple or single female) from a swing site, they aren't interested if it's not sexually related. It's the big paradox of being a single man. You're expected to always be horny, blasted when you are horny and your play pals (couples and single women) aren't, and dismissed when your play pals (couples and single women) are and you aren't.

 

Then again, I admit I've been meeting the wrong people. Pickings are really slim around here. I've found, for that reason, it's best to let them contact you. Best thing to do is to call or write and say hello every once in a while so they don't forget who you are and say little things to subtlety remind them (or suggest to them) how much fun you had the last time...then disappear for a while. Single women do that all the time to keep men interested , so it must work on some level. :surrender:

[Spoomonkey 421]

...they aren't interested if it's not sexually related.

 

No doubt single men have a lot of stuff to deal with, trying to figure people out, but our profiles are pretty clear in that we are looking for people who can be friends over football as well as over a sexual romp...

 

Usually, though, they get at least one round with Mrs Spoomonkey before we find out they can't read...

 

Bastards...

 

j/k

 

Spoomonkey

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I think if we did find a single who we could be friends with, him and Mr Spoo hang out once in awhile or all three of us in non-sexual settings we probably wouldn't mind him calling to see if we wanted to get together. He would probably be calling to see us for both non-sexual and sexual 'dates'. We also like to plan ahead so we don't usually expect a single to drop everything the minute we call and race over.

 

So far though we have yet to find a single that wants a friendship outside of sexual encounters. Our most recent we even told him we'd like to at least have some email conversations in between getting together just to get to know each other better and he can't even do that. He just catches Mr Spoo on IM and wants to know when he can come over again because he's horny. You guessed it . . . he hasn't and won't be invited back!

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[VegasLee 1,486]

Maybe that hot Monkey lovin' twists up their minds.

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We would enjoy having one of the single women that we play with call to arrange a date.

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

For us, it would depends on how well we knew the guy. Casual acquaintances shouldn't bother, but if it were a good friend that we liked a lot, we would appreciate having him call us. We would appreciate it even more if he suggested bringing along a single female or a couple to make it a foursome or fivesome!

[curious24 17]

So far though we have yet to find a single that wants a friendship outside of sexual encounters. Our most recent we even told him we'd like to at least have some email conversations in between getting together just to get to know each other better and he can't even do that. He just catches Mr Spoo on IM and wants to know when he can come over again because he's horny. You guessed it . . . he hasn't and won't be invited back!

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

that's just wrong.

 

just my .02

[coupleinCT 15]

We have no problems with them giving us calls. We're only with one single male right now, and he'll call all the time, just to BS. If we or he will be in each other's area, either will call to see if we can meet up for coffee or a drink, just like we do with any other friends. It works for us, because all the calls aren't about getting laid, and we don't play with people we don't feel comfortable with just hanging out. The occasional booty call is in there too, but sometimes that can liven up a boring old night.

[curiousagain 326]

Couples I am friends with, I call or email as I would any friends. We only play part of the times that we meet. Couples that I am not friends, but only swing buddies with, I do not contact them. I would feel pushy.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

We prefer it if we contact them (single males).

 

When they contact us they are a little too blunt on what they want.

 

We prefer a no pressure meet. If things go that way then all is good and if not all is still good. Usually when single males we have played with contact us they want to know when we can get together again to fuck which is a total .

[menher1559 17]

Our situation depends on how well we know the single person. If we have some type of an ongoing relationship, we don't mind at all if they call. However, if it's just someone we're in the process of meeting and they call and wanna "fuck" then that's a different story. Probably won't be too long before their number is blocked.

[OpenVA 15]

We don't mind if a single friend (not that we have one now) calls us to see if we want to play. But if we find that the only time we hear from or see them is when they are looking to get laid... Then we'll let them know that we don't find that acceptable

[magnum 78]

For us, it would depends on how well we knew the guy. Casual acquaintances shouldn't bother, but if it were a good friend that we liked a lot, we would appreciate having him call us. We would appreciate it even more if he suggested bringing along a single female or a couple to make it a foursome or fivesome!

 

The couple I play with are friends and they encourage me to call them, the husband especially, he says the wife needs to feel "wanted" and needed.

 

I felt strange calling them at first, I did not want to be pushy or wear out my "welcome" so to speak. But they are totally open to me calling them to make play dates. Unfortunately, I have not found a single female that is interested to swing/playing. I did ask a lady I was seeing to "join" us, she was not into it and as a result we/she stopped seeing me. Oh well...

 

They call me too, matter of fact he just called me wanting to play, but with the holidays and having family in town it is difficult this time of year.

 

Magnum

[LasVegasCouple 15]

As a couple, we're grappling with the same question -but kind of from the other side of the scenario. We play with some local couples and would like to call them occasionally - but are reluctant to because we don't want to seem "pushy".

 

On the other hand, like Greg & Sheryl, whether we're open to calls from our single playmates or not depends on the individual. Some of the guys we truly enjoy for more than just sex...and we especially like it when one of those guys calls and suggests another potential playmate.

[angelkin 1,326]

For us, if we have exchanged numbers and met a few times, I have no issue with our single swinging friends contacting us for a sexy get-together - matter of fact, we would welcome it. We treat them as we would any other friend...while we won't rearrange our schedules to meet them, if we are available and inclined to play, then we will if they would like to. We have one single guy in particular who travels to our area...we will re-arrange schedules for him as it's always worth it.

[TheSwingerSet 205]

There is a woman I play with when I'm in her area for work, about 3 hours from home, I will text her a few weeks before I will be in town and she usually will set time aside time to play. We try and make a night of it, she will meet me at my hotel and we will have drinks in the bar followed by a trip to my room for play then a late dinner a drink and then back to the room. After that we will go back to the bar where her SO will join us for a drink and he will driver her home for their play time.

 

Hmmm me thinks it might be time to head out of town for work!

[sparkstar 128]

We've met quite a lot of single gents over the last few years for MFM meets, purely for straight fun. Only those who were very exceptional did Hayley give her number out as to arrange future dates for either the three of us or just for her to have some alone fun time with them whenever they visit the area again, or sometimes we visit them just as a means for us to see different places together.

 

Very exceptional meaning; if she finds they get on well together, plenty of chemistry going on, and if he was thoroughly great in bed with her.

 

The only thing we, as a couple have that is close to a swinging rule, is that we meet with mostly black gents. For a couple of reasons;

1) her dad is privately racist, so he would hate it if she came home with a black man on her shoulder.

2) Tom prefers seeing her with black men, plus there is less chance of her "running off with the other man" after giving her phone number to him.

Of probably 200-250 men we've ever met, about half or most of them have been black because of this.

[angelkin 1,326]

We've met quite a lot of single gents over the last few years for MFM meets, purely for straight fun. Only those who were very exceptional did Hayley give her number out as to arrange future dates for either the three of us or just for her to have some alone fun time with them whenever they visit the area again, or sometimes we visit them just as a means for us to see different places together.

 

Very exceptional meaning; if she finds they get on well together, plenty of chemistry going on, and if he was thoroughly great in bed with her.

 

The only thing we, as a couple have that is close to a swinging rule, is that we meet with mostly black gents. For a couple of reasons;

1) her dad is privately racist, so he would hate it if she came home with a black man on her shoulder.

2) Tom prefers seeing her with black men, plus there is less chance of her "running off with the other man" after giving her phone number to him.

Of probably 200-250 men we've ever met, about half or most of them have been black because of this.

 

Gosh, I hope if you're swinging, you wouldn't be worried about her "running off with the other man".

 

Are you ok with your single male friends calling to see if you're available for play?

[sparkstar 128]

Gosh, I hope if you're swinging, you wouldn't be worried about her "running off with the other man".

Are you ok with your single male friends calling to see if you're available for play?

Tom here,

Hayley has seen it all for someone in her mid 20's, she's had opportunities to be with all sorts of men from all walks of life due to her earlier mad working lifestyle. I had to work really hard to get with her as she simply didn't want a relationship of any kind, she was and still is a party animal where I'm more of the quiet type who "prefers" to stay in with friends or do my own thing, or be with her. It's weird as to why we get on so really well together, maybe it's because we're sort of weird in our mindset of sexual kinks as we can relate to each other about different things like best friends do about normal things.

 

The thought of her "running off with another man" I think is always in the back of my mind, I just do a really good job of hiding it, I think that's just plain normal even for the most genuine and most hardcore of a swinger. It's probably the same for her, she's bound to have ideas pop into her head where she thinks she would love to be with the other guy for more than just sex, but that's where I think we're both strong as we don't allow our selves to go that far of running off or feeling all insecure. We both appreciate that we both stop ourselves from going that way so we can both enjoy the "lifestyle" we have, which is really good fun that i think for us makes our relationship more special as not many couples can emotionally cope with what we get up to.

 

As for single male friends calling, well, I don't hear from them much as they tend to go through Hayley (no pun intended). I know she enjoys texting dirty on her phone and planning her next meets with different men, she's like a single teenage girl on that phone with all the boys chasing her - that type of thing. I just see it as her form of harmless personal entertainment when she's with other men, to me it's no big deal at all. Though like I said it does play on the back of my mind a bit in hope she doesn't leave me for one of them. She knows this, and I know she knows; we have no secrets as far as I know. I also know she knows everything about me, we're that open. I bet even most swingers don't share as much trust as we do.

[angelkin 1,326]

Thanks for clarifying, Sparkstar. I see your side of it a bit now.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I think that's awesome!

[Playful1 434]

Just from the single's view here...if I played with a couple and we clicked, I would be insulted/offended if they treated me as some toy and it was not ok/allowed for me to bring up and suggest playtime.

 

I'm not a damn toy.

 

If the people like each other, i don't see the issue. All the couples I know enjoy it when the singles they know suggest playtime.

[angelkin 1,326]

Though we know many singles and enjoy their company, very rarely do they contact us for playtime. Only one, and he travels on business - so when he's in our area, we always try to schedule something.

[Lascivious L&L 866]

We love communication, so any kind is wonderful. There have been whole threads here on whether it's best to be friends with those you swing with, or not. There seems to quite a contingent who prefer not to be friends, just fuck. We prefer friendship, and if some sort of friendship doesn't result, we are far less interested.

 

For us long term has not been a mark of those who swing. So many things happen in each person's lives that expecting the arousal to be there long term is not realistic. People move, singles become couples and are not heard from again, couples become singles, couples have kids, kids grow up and leave the house, parents get sick or pass away, all sorts of crises happen. Sexual arousal can be a delicate thing that is not likely to maintain the same ardor for long periods.

 

We try to be happy with the fun we do have.

[angelkin 1,326]

That's a great way to look at it L&L! We actually have one foot in each camp - friends vs fuck. We've noticed the same thing in our short time in the LS, people come and go and we just go with the flow of it all, tripping along having fun together.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Given some of the recent discussions of boundaries in swinging, and what is too forward or too intimate, I thought this thread was an interesting twist on that question.

 

We play with couples, so no direct experience here, but if we did play with singles, I think we would be ok with them contacting us to set up a playdate...within reason. I can see how that would get annoying or start to feel like you were being bugged if it was overdone, and it could easily get overdone, but if it was a every once in a while thing and they would gracefully take no for an answer, I don't see it being a problem.

[magnum 78]

Well, I am a single male that plays with a couple(s), and I do call them, occasionally, they call me more than I call them. I think they would like it if I called them more often.

 

 

 

Given some of the recent discussions of boundaries in swinging, and what is too forward or too intimate, I thought this thread was an interesting twist on that question.

 

We play with couples, so no direct experience here, but if we did play with singles, I think we would be ok with them contacting us to set up a playdate...within reason. I can see how that would get annoying or start to feel like you were being bugged if it was overdone, and it could easily get overdone, but if it was a every once in a while thing and they would gracefully take no for an answer, I don't see it being a problem.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

I would like it and think that it was cool and respectful that they called. It gets everyone in the mood first. Or not. You can always say that today isn't a good day.

 

What can be annoying and sexy at the same time is when they show up at your door , drunk or not, expecting to have fun like they did last night or last weekend.

[JAPrufrock 588]

I would be PISSED if a playmate just showed up at my door, especially if they're drunk. Granted, we have little ones, so we will never host at our house. But if we did, and they just showed up unannounced, they would be told to go away and never come back. Unless we had a really good relationship with them and they were a friend as well as a playmate, AND they showed up because they needed a friend or just wanted to hang out.