A Nightmare Scenerio - Getting Pregant While swinging & the choices we'd have to make

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I've been thinking about this all day after posting to the Getting Pregnant thread. What would we do and why if I got pregnant from a swinging partner. Mr Spoo and I talked about it and went through the three possible options and what the pros and cons were of each. So here's what we came up with.

 

First, there is the one that is currently being discussed on the 'getting pregnant' thread of keeping the baby and raising it as your own. For some that may be easy to do. Just pretend it is you and your husband's child and no one will be the wiser. For Mr Spoo and I we both agree neither of us could handle knowing it was another man's child. Weak? Maybe, but everyone in the lifestyle has to make their decisions based on themselves as a couple and what works best for them.

 

Secondly, have the baby and give it up for adoption. Good choice? You don't have to raise someone else's baby and you don't have to deal with the emotional pain of an abortion. But, here's the repercussions of this decision. Your a happily married couple, maybe (in our case yes) you already have other children, how are you going to explain to EVERYONE why you are giving up your baby? You've carried it nine months, take off time from work, oh, and maybe even had a baby shower, then you give it up?

 

Then the third choice, the one that makes most people want to cringe to even mention it. Abortion. Not everyones first choice, but very possibly in this lifestyle we all chose to partake in, for some the better choice. Now, don't get me wrong or start blasting at me. I don't agree with abortion (don't want to get into that here), but if this situation were to happen to me and Mr Spoo I think this is what we would choose.

 

Why? Mostly because any damage or emotion pain would be contained with me and him. The other swinger's life would not be affected. Work and family would not be hurt or embarrassed. Mr Spoo and I wouldn't be trying to pretend we had a child together that wasn't really ours. We'd deal with the emotional pain of an abortion, probably get out of the lifestyle and move on from there.

 

Sorry I rambled so long but this was just on my mind. If you reply please remember there are no right or wrong decisions and I didn't do this to argue the evils of abortion. I just wonder for the other couples out there, what would you do?? Which scenerio could the two of you deal with the best?

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[looking2swing 17]

I do not think that I would be able to go through with a pregnancy from a swinging partner. I find it irresponsible to be put in that situation, but accidents do happen. I do think that all parties involved need to be part of the decision.

[intuition897 2,179]

I may be jumping the gun a little as I haven't discussed this at length with Mr. intuition yet. It really isn't a huge concern for us as I've had my wings clipped and have been having been having sex regularly with Mr. for over two years now without any other form of B.C. and I'm pregnancy free. But... stranger things have happened. So...

 

I would say (for myself) that we would likely keep it. The conception showed up in OUR family, not the other swingers'. We have two kids, and I don't think I could go through with either an abortion or an adoption knowing that the same could've happened for either of the other two. The idea makes me cringe. To outsiders, it would be business as usual (until of course the baby is born and it's obvious that the father was NOT Mr.... ie: different ethnicity. At this point we'd deal with it when the time came). I don't know if we'd let the other couple know about the pregnancy or not. This could raise some huge issues as far as paternity and custody, which would rip our family apart. Plus they might get the idea that we were looking for support of some kind or that we were looking to blackmail them or something. It's ridiculous, but people are strange that way.

 

As I said I haven't discussed this with Mr. intuition and he may have a completely different take on it. He may not think the idea of raising another man's child is acceptable.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

It really isn't a huge concern for us as I've had my wings clipped and have been having been having sex regularly with Mr. for over two years now without any other form of B.C. and I'm pregnancy free. But... stranger things have happened. So...

 

 

Just for the record Mr Spoo and I are both surgically safe from getting or causing pregnancy . . . but I did have to sign a paper saying I wouldn't sue if I still got pregant I just posted this because it was something I thought about all day and wondered what would people do.

 

 

I would say (for myself) that we would likely keep it. The conception showed up in OUR family, not the other swingers'. We have two kids, and I don't think I could go through with either an abortion or an adoption knowing that the same could've happened for either of the other two. The idea makes me cringe. To outsiders, it would be business as usual (until of course the baby is born and it's obvious that the father was NOT Mr.... ie: different ethnicity. At this point we'd deal with it when the time came). I don't know if we'd let the other couple know about the pregnancy or not. This could raise some huge issues as far as paternity and custody, which would rip our family apart. Plus they might get the idea that we were looking for support of some kind or that we were looking to blackmail them or something. It's ridiculous, but people are strange that way.

 

Another reason I got to thinking about it because on the thread "getting pregnant" they are asking the couple who the husband is the father for child support. I just think that is wrong and ruins way too many lives, when either keeping it and telling no one that it's not yours or having an abortion keeps it between you and your spouse.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You'll have to give us Mr Intuition's thoughts after you talk to him

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey 421]

Just for the record Mr Spoo and I are both surgically safe from getting or causing pregnancy

 

We are doubly safe and triply delicious!

 

 

Spoomonkey

[BradAndJanet 70]

There aren't any good choices in this scenario at all. When faced with such a dilemma, I believe that one must consider the solution that will bring the greatest good. YMMV.

 

For me, abortion would be out. Although I support the right of everyone to choose, I could not end a life because of a mistake to which I was a party.

 

Adoption is more palatable, but how could I send this child to an unknown fate when I know that we could provide a good, happy home for them?

 

There's only one choice that I could make, to raise the child as my own, maybe revealing the truth to them when they are adult enough to know. After all, he or she is half my wife too, and furthermore is a fellow human being that deserves no less than the love and respect I give my own children.

 

Would it be hard? Would it disrupt our lives? Would it change the plans that we have made for our later years? Of course it would, but that changes nothing. It's still the right thing, in my mind, to do.

 

-B

[good times 991]

We are doubly safe and triply delicious!

 

Same with us, we've both been fixed so this situation is unlikely ever to happen with us. Before Mrs. GT got her "wings clipped" we had discussed this though. In fact the fear of this happening is the main reason she got the precedure. For us we agree with the Spoomonkies, we would go for the abortion even though we too have problems with that.

 

While I feel bad for the situation the poster in that thread have found themself in, I do have to go with the majority here and say that to expect the swing partner to pay child support is something I couldn't do. I really think a person would have to be in their shoes to know exactly what they would do so I don't want to pass judgement or second guess their decision but to even tell the other couple is something I don't think I could do because it just doesn't seem right to me.

[NekkidHedonists 15]

My hubby and I have discussed this numerous times, and keep coming back to the same conclusion. Depending on who the father is, in most cases, we'd choose abortion.

But there are a few questions we would ask ourselves about the father first.

1) Does he look enough like my husband that his child could pass for ours.

2) If the child turned out having the same personality as the father, would we be happy?

If both answers were yes, only then would we even consider keeping the baby.

 

In any case, we would not let the other couple know that I was pregnant - the decision (and the child, if we do decide to keep it) will be exclusively my husband's and mine.

[biblonde 22]

Truthfully I dont know what we would do...since hubby is fixed..We have talked about it and He says he could never raise someone elses baby, and well I feel the same way. Since I am not stupid about condoms and know they can break or have something wrong with them I took the precaution of going back on the pill!! So I am double protected.

 

I feel it is wrong to start acting like children when something like that does happen. I havent posted on the other thread since I think ALL involved are acting like imature babies!! Hey it is done ...deal with it. The "you are paying for this kid" and the Not wanting to take responsibility for this baby is so sad. THIS is all 4 of them's problem since they all went into this willingly and knew ( or should hope they would) that condoms can fail. They are only interested in the blame game...and you will pay for this...I feel if you plan on keeping the baby...treat it as your own. Dont put something like that on the shoulders of a child. You know good and well this child will find out about how it was conceived if these games keep up. I think it is soooo cruel to put him/her through that some day. They all need to quit worrying about themselves and think about this baby since they decided to keep it. And if they insist on payment then I think the father should have 50/50 custody. They all need to put this child first and quit worrying about how much money is involved!! If it is that big a deal...take the test find out who's it is...and be grown up about it. The other wife getting pissed about this is her problem. If it is her hubbies then she was there also!! She aproved of the sex and well like I tell my kids...sex can lead to babies if you arent careful enough! sorry enough ranting!!! just my 2 cents for the day

[Doug19482000 18]

I heard on CNN that the FDA was considering making the morning after pill an over the counter drug. Any thoughts on that. Some of these posts make me think that maybe I should consider being clipped myself,even though my wife is safe. One of my childern's nickname is Broken Rubber, for a good reason.

[northindycpl 32]

Ya know.. it just sucks. It would just be bad, bad, bad at every turn. There is absolutely no wrong answer, or a right one either.

 

I have to think however, that if the situation were so and didn't invlove swinging, like if the man and the woman just had a one night stand or someting, I would say that it would be up to the man, woman, and other spouses to determine what is best for them in their situations.

 

I would hate for this to be a discussion about abortion. Pro choice or life- but I have to say that it would be hard to not want to follow the Spoos opinions. I think they have made some very valid points.

 

It take a lot of courage and self-lessness to be able to ruin the rest of your own life to prevent the demise of everyone else you love.

[Guest smileytattoo]

wow, everyone feels so strongly about this. Mr. Smiley and I have discussed it in length, and we would NEVER terminate the pregnancy. We would raise it as our own. But since I have had my tubes done twice, and my doctor promised that if I got pregnant again we could call it Jesus, I'm more worried about hubby getting some one else pregnant. One of the first questions we ask when we meet a new couple is if she is fixed!

[bear_and_babe 68]

We know what we would do in this scenerio. But my choice would not be right for everyone, it would only be right for us. We would have to abort. No flames please.

 

We did have several discussions about this. We were with a exclusive couple for a while and we went bareback with them. Bear and the other woman had their "wings clipped", but the other guy and I do not. I am on the pill, but that is not 100% effective. But in my case, for me to get pregnant I have to take feritilty drugs. I have been pregnant 7 times, but only have 1 child. I feel very safe that I could never get pregnant. But if I ever did, my choice on what I would do would be very hard for me, but I would make that decision. And we agreed that we would NEVER have told the other couple that I was pregnant.

 

This is truly a nightmare scenerio, and I feel sorry for anyone who would be faced with having to make these decisions.

[Botcpl 15]

. . . but I did have to sign a paper saying I wouldn't sue if I still got pregant

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

 

 

You had to sign a paper? Do you have a form you use with all your playmates or is this for the club? I can just see it now,..."Hey Baby, I really have the hots for you, but first you have to sign this and have it Noterized." "No problem Honey, I'll just run it by my attorney first. I'll get back with you in a day or two."

 

P

[findtime 16]

I think Mrs. Spoomonkey meant she signed a release form for the surgeon not the play couple.

 

Interestingly enough, hubby and I are trying to get pregnant and have been for four years.

 

We use condoms but, in addition, we also avoid full swap scenarios (involving me) until after I ovulate. Using the FAM I know exactly when that is (temping, charting, CP, CM etc...). Anyone who's ever had fertility issues knows what I'm talking about. Plus I'm dead regular so it makes it a lot easier.

Just to reiterate, condoms are always used just in case.

 

For us, it would be extremely tricky. Now, avoiding swaps until after ovulation takes away the guess work but in the unlikely event that we played beforehand and something happened (condom broke etc..), we wouldn't know who the father was..

Abortion would likely be the choice.

It would definitely be the choice if we were certain for whatever reason that hubby wasn't the father.

[graygo98 148]

An aptly named thread...

 

At another time, we would probably ('cause who really knows 'til they look the elephant in the eye) feel the same way as Intuition. It would be our child, raised in our family regardless of who contributed what bits of protoplasm way back when.

 

At our age and stage, though, I think that we would go through the same process as Mrs. Spoo did, and almost certainly come to the same conclusion.

[birdieone 18]

Life does throw curve-balls at us at times. How we handle them depends on our own character. Remember the number one rule in this lifestyle, "Communication". That should apply to all facits of our lives. It is a stickey situation if you ever find yourself in it but clear unbiased and unselfish communication is the key between all parties involved. Especially if abortion is not in the picture.

 

You have to step back, let the chatter quiet down and put yourself in the childs shoes, 1, 5, 15 and even 20 years from now. Communicate with your partner and the other couple involved and then decide on a course of action that is not just best for all involved right now, but for everyone involved in the future. We do not beleive in abortion but we also beleive everyone has the right to choose. And that is just our own .02 worth.

 

Last but not least, here is to the Packers in 05/06

[funtoplay 15]

Wow....and I thought I was the only one who thought this way

 

To me....abortion would never be an option. Neither would adoption. One of my best friends is adopted, and I witnessed her pain, first hand as she tried to work through all the issues that entails.

 

Before we started swinging, my hubby and I discussed what could possibly happen as a result. Pregnancy being one topic. It would cause quite a stir in our community....due to the fact that he got the "snip" after our third child was born...so people would pretty much know it wasn't his. Yes I know there have been cases where this has happened....after a vasectomy a couple has a child....but those are extremely rare. This is why shortly after we became active in the Lifestyle...I had an IUD inserted. (long story....other contraceptives didn't work....or disliked the side effects)

 

However, I am aware that no contraceptive is 100% effective.....so there is always a possibility. If it were to happen....I believe, given all the options, we would choose to keep the baby. As to telling the other couple/male involved....that would depend on who it was. I would hate the idea of being so...i don't know if "dishonest" is the right word, but it's as close as i can come.... I would prefer to think that any couple/male we choose to play with would be understanding of the "predicament" we found ourselves in...and support us. So far....anyone we have happened to play with have become very close friends...and I know they would have no problems with whatever we would decide.

[SussexCouple 15]

I heard on CNN that the FDA was considering making the morning after pill an over the counter drug. Any thoughts on that. Some of these posts make me think that maybe I should consider being clipped myself,even though my wife is safe. One of my childern's nickname is Broken Rubber, for a good reason.

 

It already is here in the UK - we think its a measure to try and reduce abortion here.

[EvilMJ 65]

This is a good subject Mrs. SPoo and one we have discussed with the couple we play with. I am still able to have kids, and so is the other hubby, while my hubby and the other wife are 'fixed'. We have one child (and due to his being ill as a baby, have chosen to just have one), we do not want another child, and even worse I have meet all the kids of the other husband (from current and previous marriages) and they all look like HIM!!

 

THere woudl be no way to hide the paternity of this child, espcially since we are such good friends. Nothing is 100% safe and there is always a chance of pregnancy.

 

I support everyone's right to choose, but abortion would not be an option for me. Especially not after having a child...they should not have to suffer for my mistake. I could not have an adoption because after carrying that baby for nine months my heart would break to let it go.

 

 

I guess I have no solution to this one....and will probably wake up some night in a cold sweat thinking about it.

[DBL D 120]

. . . but I did have to sign a paper saying I wouldn't sue if I still got pregant Mrs. Spoomonkey

 

 

I didn't have to bring a "paper" home for Fem D to sign after I got snipped. Your Doc made you do this? Certainly not Mr. Spoo! Sounds like a cruel joke.

 

BTW, I think since it was the other man's sperm who got you preggers, then that side should be responsible. He shoulda pulled out!

 

Male D

[midnight hour 16]

We would most likely keep the baby. We would either say well we had his V undone...or we would say we were doing it for a friend who backed out...no matter what anyone would say would matter much to us. Our backyard, our mess...I support abortion 100% for anyone, I could not do it I do not think, even at the age I am now. Two of our children have major issues anyway so we will never be a empty nest. If I did not abort then I could not now. If one was faced with the issue and wanted to keep the child a lot of smoke screens could be used, if you wanted too. I would simply not say anything. We do try to play with men who are fixed, and I am on the pill also. I have been thinking lately of being clipped but I have so much scar tissue now I do not even know if it would be a option for me. It is a real fear we think about sometimes. As for what Mr. Midnight thinks, he thinks it would be my choice. He would flow with what ever I went with. I would most likely not tell the other man unless I felt comfortable with the fact he would be accepting.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I didn't have to bring a "paper" home for Fem D to sign after I got snipped. Your Doc made you do this? Certainly not Mr. Spoo! Sounds like a cruel joke.

 

BTW, I think since it was the other man's sperm who got you preggers, then that side should be responsible. He shoulda pulled out!

 

Male D

 

Hmmm, to clarify . . .

 

First marriage, I (Mrs Spoo) got my tubes tied and had to sign a paper that I wouldn't go after the doctor if I got pregnant after he did the surgery. This is a standard waiver that you sign on all sterilization proceedures. You may not have realized you signed it but you probably did. I just happen to be one of those "anal retentive" people who read through everything before signing. I remember it because I thought it was funny at the time.

 

No one is pregnant now . . . I was just pondering the what if's and possible choices if you found out you were pregnant from a swinging situation (i.e. condomn breaking).

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[DBL D 120]

Dang it, Mrs. Spoo,

 

You're probably right, but it hurts my eyes too much to read all that small print sometimes; I need people like you in my life to keep me informed, even if it's post mortem.

 

We, like you, can only hope that we are not a part of some "Miracle of Medicine". Not lookin' to beat the odds here.

 

Male D

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Dang it, Mrs. Spoo,

 

You're probably right, but it hurts my eyes too much to read all that small print sometimes; I need people like you in my life to keep me informed, even if it's post mortem. Male D

 

No problem DBL D, you can just return the favor when I need some post mortem help

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Pepper & Drew 384]

It's true, there is no right answer and not one that would have a satisfying outcome. At first thought, for both me and Drew, would be abortion. However, when I thought about it further, I'm not sure I could actually go through it, knowing that we have a stable home, are married an could love and support a child. We don't want children right now, and may never want children, but when it comes down to it, I think if it happened, I'd take it to mean that perhaps we weren't meant to be childless.

 

But, then again, I don't think I would be OK with having this child and not telling him/her the truth about their true parentage. What if a medical situation occurs and the bloodtypes don't match ours? Or, they have a hereditary disease, but neither of us have it. Try explaining those! And, adoption is completely out of the question for us. We've been married for nearly 6 years and don't have any children now......needless to say the future grandparents are chomping at the bit for grandkids. To give up a child would be ABSOLUTELY impossible to explain.

 

So, I think in the end, we'd either chose to keep it and raise it as ours and never tell anyone or make the very difficult decision to abort. Either would be incredibly difficult and would definitely test the bonds of our relationship. Reason #107 why I'm on the pill and why we use condoms.......

[MrSnozzberryBlu 15]

Ooooooooohhhhhhhh, someone please stop my head from spinning!

 

Wow! This is the topic of topics. There is probably a psychologist out there just waiting for all of us to lay on his couch right now so he can study the topic for posterity.

 

To be honest, I don't know what Mrs Snozzberry and I would do. First of all I know that we would have to sit down and discuss it for a very very long time. Each option is bad no matter how we look at it. In the end I don't see how we could abort the baby. I don't think either of us could bear the guilt.

 

The only good solution to the problem is to prevent the issue from becoming a problem. I saw the vet, but my wife is still as fertile as the Nile. We just try to make sure that all the bases are covered...with rubbers, contraception, and if necessary an old fashioned chastity belt.

[SnozzberryBlu 83]

Hey waaaaiiiitttt a minute you!!!!! Do you know what the rust alone could do to my ass crack? Oh wait, that's ANOTHER thread! LOL

 

He makes it sound so difficult.. we are just covering a few bases until next week, when I get "the shot" ... gee, can't wait. Ugh!!!!

 

Seriously though, yeah, probably keep it and hope for a girl (we have two boys).. shoot for the longest time we wanted to adopt another, and didn't. In my heart it would be our baby... genes only go so far. Still.. shoot our kids are almost grown and we have PLANS lol!!!! I guess I am weird here, but I am more disturbed by having to start over really... denial on "who's your daddy" is a lot easier to conjure up than "now when are these people getting outta my house????"

 

[funtoplay 15]

Was just thinking about this the other day. I remembered hearing somewhere that regardless of who "plants the seed", if a couple is married, any children that come from that marriage are legally considered to be the husbands. Would that have any bearing on anyone's decision?

[invisibletouch 15]

We discussed this even though it's highly unlikely-hubby is surgically safe for the last 26 yrs and I went through menopause almost 3 yrs ago. We also use condoms for STDs but they also give some protection from unplanned pregnancies.

 

But on the outside chance that I became pregnant-my family history is weird to begin with regarding our reproductive system , we would raise it.

 

Now, we both know that this child couldn't be passed off as our own-I only play with black men and hubby is a very light skinned Irishman! But for us, who only had one child by choice, we feel it would be our responsibility to l0ve and raise this child!

Questions, odd looks and even loss of family ties wouldn't change the fact-we made a choice to play so we will face the outcome with L0ve and a full commitment to do the right thing by this child.

 

Oh and this isnt' about not believing in abortion; I had an unplanned pregnancy in 1973 and chose an abortion.