The neighbors are Swingers! Help!

[northindycpl 32]

This is a backwards question in referance to the what to do if you meets someone you know at a swingers club.... Well last night I met someone we know, a couple actually, from the club at my daughters school.

 

There was an event going on at the school and I went to pick my kids up. All of the parents had to wait in a long line, and while I was waiting a couple walked passed me from the club. They looked at me, and I them- and they got red faced and kept walking. I think I said hi to them or something.

 

Well, I was talking to other moms and dads while in line, wondering if I should say hello to them more personally or not. I was slightly embarrassed as, my mind was reliving last weekends events when all of us were there. Fortunately, the indy's were preety good last weekend, and very sober, so nothing went horribly wrong I don't remember much about this other couple, other than they are fairly new, and great dancers

 

When we all got into the Gym to get our kids, I could just tell that they were freaking out about seeing me there. I really wanted to go over and say hello in my friendly, girl next door way, but I think they would have fainted!

 

I did learn that their son is in my daughters class-wow. I would expect that we will see them a lot over the next 18 years, unless they move, so how Should we handle this? Should I just ignore them? Should I be pleasant? We are very discrete and other than association, nothing would ever publicaly be said to them, or how I know them, etc.. And I got the feeling they are too. But what is the next step, or should there be a next step?

 

And if they are going to that school, Chances are better than 90% that they live in my neighborhood. Which makes sense, becasue I remember hearing that they moved here last summer so he could go to work for a new company. So I could see them in the neighborhood, or at the grociery, or where-ever.

 

They aren't a couple that we would play with, and I don't think they are interested in that was with us either. I just think they may be new to all of this and the area, and are freaking out. Since we aren't interested in playing with them, would it be a come on if I talked to them more? HELP

[tweedle 16]

I had to acknowledge your dilemma.

 

As a "nudist", it is not uncommon to have come across folks in restaurants and such, where we think we know them (but can't match the face)... Turns out that when all you can see IS the face, recognition and placement can be a problem...

 

Even if you KNOW the setting of the recognition, then like YOU said, possible social embarrassment ensues, since both parties are fearful of "blowing" it in public...

 

I would suggest a VERY private whisper to acknowledge and defuse the situation ~ just stating that you think you recognize them from a meeting - let THEM acknowledge that ~ and then just state in effect that you're cool if they are (with just keeping that info under your respective hats)...

 

We're assuming here that they have in fact placed where they know you from (let's face it, in extreme cases ~ ankles-only glimpses pointed at the rafters might NOT yield pertinent facial recognition data)...

 

~ Tweedle

[HotMoCpl 20]

Here's how I was trained as a Security Policeman. (There wern't enought MP's for our post in Korea, so we were "drafted" out of the signal units.)

 

Here's your senario. You see her, she see's you. You go about your business as usual. Ignore her/him....in a pleasent way. If they approach you in a confrontatonal manner, simply say, "I'm sorry, but we've never met". If they approach you in a civil manner, the go with the flow and see how things work out.

 

Remember, they are NEWBIES. Maybe give them this web site if you get a few minutes to talk....in a civil manner.

 

Good luck.

[24play 15]

Yikes, how weird, luckily we've never bumped into people we know in the scene when we visit clubs etc.

We have however, heard through the swinging grapevines, about another guy who swings single and apperently told everyone that he know's us in the business realm.

I've just always prayed that we don't actually bump into him - and thankfully we don't do business with him either.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I would wait till next time you see them at the swingers club to approach them.

 

 

 

I would then ask "Where you at that school play a couple weeks back at such-n-such elementry? We thought we saw you there but didn't want to approach you. I didn't think it was a good idea."

 

Then take the conversation from there.

 

Adding that you saw them but didn't think the school was a good place to approach them will help them relax in knowing that you are discreet about swinging.

 

Just my thoughts.

[northindycpl 32]

Adding that you saw them but didn't think the school was a good place to approach them will help them relax in knowing that you are discreet about swinging.Just my thoughts.

 

Good thought, I didn't think of that. Maybe it will make them feel better. I was wondering if it is becasue I now know there names- first and last. But, they don't know mine. My daughter knew their son, and when I was signing her out their name is right below ours, and our daughter pointed it out.

[JnCC 24]

It's only a big deal if you let it become a big deal. You say there's no sexual interest going on between you? I'd just let it be. My biggest concern would be that they would maintain some discretion about your status as swingers, which sounds likely, given that they have the same ties to the community as you do.

 

You have to remember they're in the same boat as you are. Their neighbors are swingers too.

[BradAndJanet 70]

I would wait till next time you see them at the swingers club to approach them. ...

If they're not so freaked that they don't come back.

 

I think you ought to figure out a way to get them the 'OK' sign somehow. Probably their concern is being outed by you, not a hard thing to understand, so alleviating that worry seems the right thing to do. Of course, be discreet about it. You might make some new friends, who knows?

 

-B

[DBL D 120]

I think Fem D and I expect that someday we'll see someone we have been with in the general public. Depends on what happened between you two couples. If it was just a matter of you seeing them there and there wasn't any contact, I'd leave it alone till they bring it up. I think it's good to try to diffuse a situation, but not in public. Sometimes you might think you are talking in low tones but someone always hears.

 

They are going to have to get used to it.

 

Male D

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I agree that it would be a good idea to try and send them a signal you are cool with it, but only in theory.

 

I think any scenario(that I can come up with anyway) where you approach them in a vanilla enviroment to tell them you know they are swingers and to not worry because you are discreet has too much of a potential to be interpreted as NOT discreet .

 

If you see them again in a swinger enviroment I think approaching them would be much more acceptable and reassuring to the other couple that you are not going to "Out" them.

 

Who knows, they may approach you.

Like others have said, they are in the same boat as you.

[tweedle 16]

Then again...

 

As/like with the nudist camp issue...

 

I am affliliated with schools in a professional manner...

 

I once encountered a student at the "camp"...

 

NO PROBLEM...

 

If they are participating in "whatever" behavior, then who are they to rat you out to the rest of "society"...

 

That's my view of it.

[djjwp 129]

I wouldn't say anything. You may see them again at the club, you may not. I look at it as you know as much as they do and have an equal share if the "perceived" issue.

 

If you see them at the club again, talk to them and introduce yourself then move on. They may be as afraid of being outted as you may be. Just use discretion until you meet them again at the club and I'm sure they will too. I find it hard to believe they will be telling your other neighbors they know you from the swingers club.

 

Once you have the "introductions" over with, you may find you can have a good friend with like beliefs and maybe can be sitters for each other for going out to play if your children are young. They won’t be asking questions you may not want to answer for a regular sitter. You can be friends without being “friends” if you catch my drift.

 

Don’t make too much out of this. It may be a good thing. Only time and civility will tell.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I say hi to everyone I recognize at any given time whether it's at the store or school or anyplace else. I don't generally strike up a conversation but I always say "Hi there!" with a smile and go about my business. I think it can be a little uncomfortable but I think a smile does wonders at setting people at ease.

 

And I can give a great example. The other night at work at the hospital a patient was someone we knew in the vanilla world, and we ran into on SLS (didn't realize we had outside connections for a few days), realized we weren't compatible and moved on. I thought that could be awkward (I was the only nurse available, no choice) but I walked in there with a "hi! how are you! long time no see... looks like today is kind of a rough day, what's going on?". When I walked in the room and gave initial "hi" her eyes got wide but when because I was smiling and acting like it was no biggie she relaxed and things went smoothly and I feel we both walked away thinking it was no big deal. This was only a couple nights ago and I knew this day would come.

 

So I recommend to give a little smile or a "hi", no need for more than that, if the situation presents itself... we're all regular people and I think it's nice to be treated each other as such. If I was with someone who didn't know we swing and someone I recognized from a club or elsewhere said "hi" I would simply say "that person looks really familiar but I just can't place them"

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have to agree that I'd wait till next time you see them at the club and talk to them. They will probably be more comfortable talking to you there - assuming they show up again.

 

From the sounds of it they are new to swinging, so it really is up to you to set the precedent. SO if you do run into them at school again before you see them at the club do as AlilO suggested and just be nice and give them a big smile. Put them at ease so that they know there's nothing to worry about.

[Purple 15]

Everyone seems to be forgetting the most obvious (as a parent of a young chlid) answer.

Go and INTRODUCE yourself... ask if they are the parent of "little bobby", you think he is in your daughter's class.

 

I alway intruduce myself as my child's mom, esp in a SCHOOL environment.

 

NO ONE at the school would think anything was odd if you talked to another parent, as a parent. No need to bring up the fact that you have meet before, unless they do... since they are the newbies...

 

You can always say you think you've run into them someplace before, because they look "familiar" to you.

[xxoticangel 99]

A former supervisor of mine (male) and his wife swing. We have seen them a couple of times at a club. We still work at the same place just different divisions and see each other every day. We have never spoken about swinging either at work or at the club. At work we exchange pleasantries or talk about business. We have never spoken at the club and haven't seen them there in several months.

 

As ALilOEverything said. Say "Hi" with a big smile and never ever touch the subject of swinging unless they do.

[Mr. Mac 15]

I actually kinda hope when we take the "plunge" we will actually see someone we know...It may be wierd I admit but in an almost good sort of way...you know?

 

There is this great lifestyle that may be taking shape in our lives and it does so much for your life (communication, love, trust, ect.) that you just want someone you already know to understand. It may just be wishful thinking though..

 

Besides as much as we browse around the other "finder" sites there are quite a few in the Memphis, TN area and we are bound to run into some who either reconizes us or vise versa....

[WesternSwing 504]

Personally, since they are the ones that are uneasy about it, I'd let them make any moves to be social. Let them become comfortable and take it at their own pace. Who knows, with so much in common - being "like-minded" and all - you may become good friends even though you don't play with each other.

 

Mr. WS