Question about a single male

[ChasCouple 15]

Hi all,

 

In December we met a single guy that we'd chatted with online, and both liked, so we arranged for a 3some that went off quite well for all involved. While we were still chatting/calling, and before we met in person, I asked him what he'd do if the met someone and it became serious. He was passively looking at the time, and he replied that he didn't know if he'd continue in the lifestyle, and that should he meet "THE ONE" he wouldn't want to share with her his extracurricular past, nor would he want her to engage in the lifestyle with him even if she was willing.

 

He recently informed us that he found someone and hopes we can remain friends, etc, but I get the impression it's a brush off and there's to be no further contact. My question is, am I wrong to be offended by his behavior? Looking back, he basically stated that he he wouldn't want any woman of his to do what we're doing, so did I miss a red flag? I can't help but feel a little used, in that we were a convenient sexual outlet until he found what he really wanted. Any thoughts?

[HeAndDblD 17]

You said he told you what would happen if he found someone...he did and now he's doing what he said. I don't see anything he did to offend anyone.

 

As for being a convenient sexual outlet, well, I thought that's pretty much the idea with recreational sex.

[SussexCouple 15]

You said he told you what would happen if he found someone...he did and now he's doing what he said.

 

So he was honest to the end. We would have considered that a red flag ourselves. If you feel a bit used then thats what you feel - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

But it is still true that he was honest to the end and you knew his plan of action so now he has taken it you can't really blame him.

 

C'est la vie

[Vespertine 31]

Looking back, he basically stated that he he wouldn't want any woman of his to do what we're doing, so did I miss a red flag? I can't help but feel a little used, in that we were a convenient sexual outlet until he found what he really wanted.

Did he tell you that he wouldn't want a relationship with a woman that swings before you slept with him?

 

If a man told me that prior to playtime, I wouldn't play with him. If he said something to that effect after we played, I wouldn't be worried about a repeat performance, because I wouldn't want to play with him again.

 

He was upfront with what his intentions were, I think you're displacing your anger now and getting offended after the fact, because you've been brushed off.

 

It sucks to be rejected, and it's an easier pill to swallow when we can find reason to be angry.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I don't know... This is kind of interesting, but I don't think I'd expect a single guy to commit his future wife to the lifestyle - or even commit his future self (a husband). Not everyone can be a swinging husband - it just isn't that easy. It's easy to think about group sex in a nameless, faceless way - but when it hits home, I think it does take a special couple - and by extension a special man.

 

I am not sure that we'd bring that up when talking to a single - heck, that's not really our business.

 

I don't think you missed a red flag or that you were used. You met a single (that you liked) for a threesome. He doesn't owe you anymore beyond that than you owe him.

 

I would like to think that some of our best single friends would remain friends once the lifestyle ended for us or them - for whatever reason. But, they don't really owe it to us.

 

Good for him that he found someone special - I hope it works out for him!

 

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have to agree that to me him saying that he would not want to be honest with "THE ONE" about his sexual past nor involve her in such things - would be a HUGE red flag. That would say to me - " I think you are a slut and I wouldn't let my woman do what you are doing". Uh uh.

 

As for the brush off - as others said, he told you upfront that he would drop you like a hot potato should he find someone he wanted to be serious with. Does he really want to stay friends? Probably not, he just wants to keep the door open so that should this one turn out to NOT be "the one" he can come back to you for more free sex.

[jcbicouple 24]

I don't know... This is kind of interesting, but I don't think I'd expect a single guy to commit his future wife to the lifestyle - or even commit his future self (a husband). Not everyone can be a swinging husband - it just isn't that easy. It's easy to think about group sex in a nameless, faceless way - but when it hits home, I think it does take a special couple - and by extension a special man.

 

I am not sure that we'd bring that up when talking to a single - heck, that's not really our business.

 

I don't think you missed a red flag or that you were used. You met a single (that you liked) for a threesome. He doesn't owe you anymore beyond that than you owe him.

 

I would like to think that some of our best single friends would remain friends once the lifestyle ended for us or them - for whatever reason. But, they don't really owe it to us.

 

Good for him that he found someone special - I hope it works out for him!

 

Spoomonkey

Dito

The guy was honest and knew he couldn't deal with someone he was in love with having sex with another man. We don't think that the guy thought of you as a "slut" or anything negative....he just knew his own emotional limits. Now, If he treated you badly: That's another story, but it doesn't sound like he did, and he even respected you enough to say that he hoped you could remain friends....he didn't just ignore you or anything. If you were offended that he stopped playing with you....You should consider this a red flag for you in the future. Just because the majority of us wouldn't care, or be offended doesn't mean it won't bother you.

[ChasCouple 15]

Thanks to everyone who responsed. Every one of you are right! I can't very well be angry after the fact, it isn't fair. He did let us know up front. I guess what bothers me now is what Julie said in her post--that somehow he must have thought I was less of a person for being part of a swinging couple.

 

But again, thanks to all who took time to weigh in. The truth stings sometimes

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I guess what bothers me now is what Julie said in her post--that somehow he must have thought I was less of a person for being part of a swinging couple.

 

But again, thanks to all who took time to weigh in. The truth stings sometimes

 

 

Don't waste your time on what "He" thinks. You were in this to get what YOU wanted out of it, not what HE wanted out of it.

 

If you spend your time worrying about what others you played think about you, it will not work very well.

 

Think back to that night...

Did you have a good time?

 

That is all that really matters.

[VegasLee 1,486]

I find it interesting that many of the same people here that complain about the "lying sneaking" single guys are now the same ones that think this guy was saying negitive things because he was HONEST.

 

I personally don't feel he see's anything negitive in you at all or the lifestyle. Many guys can deal as singles that can not cut it in the lifestyle once they are married.

 

Guess the single guys can't win no matter what they do.

[imsnowman 34]

Thanks to everyone who responsed. Every one of you are right! I can't very well be angry after the fact, it isn't fair. He did let us know up front. I guess what bothers me now is what Julie said in her post--that somehow he must have thought I was less of a person for being part of a swinging couple.

 

But again, thanks to all who took time to weigh in. The truth stings sometimes

 

I don't see the "slut" comment. I agree that he just knows his own limits. Lots of folks do things single that they can't handle as "old marrieds".

[Nymph an' Satyr 22]

I'm a little more cynical- I agree with Julie. I don't like the - "It's okay for your wife to fuck other guys- but my wife/girlfriend sure isn't." I think that there is an inherent contempt for the swinging woman in his attitude, i.e. "They are okay to "fuck" but I sure as hell wouldn't marry one."

 

But he does score points for being honest- just not very many.

 

Forget him, and move on. If he calls you back later because it turns out she wasn't the "one"- tell him to piss off.

[WesternSwing 504]

I can't fault him for being honest, and I don't think you were "used", but it definitely revealed his opinions about those in the lifestyle, or his own insecurities about having HIS spouse in the lifestyle. His opinion there would have been enough for us to not play at all, or reduce it down to a "Hi, how ya' doin' " if we saw him at a party.

 

Mr. WS

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I guess it goes to having to dissect something after the fact. Had it been me, I would have asked just what he meant by that comment. Most single guys I have talked to will honestly say that they are not SURE how they would react if they were in a relationship - as to whether or not they could handle sharing the woman they love. To me, though, if he said it the way it was replayed in this thread, my first thought would be "well thanks, shows me what you think of me". I've been wrong before, but that would definately be my first reaction/ impression.

 

This isn't an all single guys are bad thing, or a single guys can't win no matter what - it goes back to every situation is different and you (the person involved in that situation) has to feel it out for youself, you have to talk to people and find out what they mean by things if you have questions, etc. No one else can tell you what someone else meant by something they said when you were the only person around to hear it.

[curiousagain 326]

He said "and that should he meet "THE ONE" he wouldn't want to share with her his extracurricular past, nor would he want her to engage in the lifestyle with him even if she was willing." before you played. Well, he was honest. But I don't think he was a "lifestyler". If you were ok with that before you swung, don't let it bother you now.

Move on, life's short. minutes count.

[Nymph an' Satyr 22]

Welll, he sure isn't being "honest" with the "one". He's not telling her about his past- actually making an effort to conceal it. So much for honesty....

[imsnowman 34]

Welll' date=' he sure isn't being "honest" with the "one". He's not telling her about his past- actually making an effort to conceal it. So much for honesty....[/quote']

 

Very few people I know are completely honest about their sexual past. It might be better if they where, but they aren't.

 

It doesn't take much reading on this board to realize that the women who enjoy swinging are very much the exception. In fact, many men who've brought it up really regret it because of their ladies reactions. I think the man in question probably knows this and isn't willing to borrow trouble.

 

As his relationship with the "one" changes he may get the "courage" to discuss this activity with her. People quite often change their minds as they mature and grow.

[curiousagain 326]

You know, all this makes me want to start a thread about honesty with your or their sexual past.

[EternallySingle 32]

(uh oh, another EternallySingle novella coming)

I don't think the original poster was used by this guy. At any time they could have said "Wrong answer. See ya." They didn't. Obviously they liked the guy, or they wouldn't have been so hurt that he now doesn't want to swing with him.

 

But nothing stays the same, even when it seems to stay the same. The guy met someone, they hit it off, and now he wants to concentrate on whatever relationship he has with her. How many times have people here said "When you start a relationship, leave the swinging alone until you are both comfortable with each other, even if you met while swinging?" At least three or four times. I'll have to look it up. But there is another point. He was single. He had no obligations to anyone else. Now he's part of a couple. He has an obligation to his new girlfriend, and she to him. Personally, I can't see swinging with a new girlfriend UNLESS she was already in the lifestyle when we met (even if I didn't know), we had been together at least several months, and SHE was the one to bring it up.

 

I've said it once and I'll say it again: Swinging is just not that important to most single people! Yes, its fun, but in some ways its along the same lines as skydiving or mountain climbing. Anyone can learn to do it, but not many actually want to. I love steaks, but I gave up eating red meat for a year when I dated a 7th Day Adventist in Tacoma. After a few weeks, I developed a yen for trout and bass. When we broke up, I went to the hospital the first time I ate a pork chop. Super bad indigestion that lasted three days. My body had forgotten how to digest red meat, especially pork. Now I rarely eat pork anymore, and I eat beef only occasionally. I still love the taste of a well cooked steak, but I changed and I can't eat them every day like I used to.

 

What I'm trying to say is that his life has changed and its going to take a while before he can bring her into swinging, if he ever wants to. Like some said, he was swinging because it was recreational sex. No commitments. That doesn't mean he thought less of you. Just that he couldn't see himself married to you.

 

Doesn't make sense, but thats how he feels. I'd say forget about him and stop second guessing yourself.

[imsnowman 34]

Great reply. Dito I wish I'd been so eloquent.

[LIZA 20]

A lot of people, men and women, do things while they are single that they don't after they fall in love.

 

Isn't that what "sowing your wild oats" is all about??

 

A lot of single guys are looking for a girlfriend/wife who IS willing to swing, this guy obviously knew he wouldn't want to continue it after he found a committed partner

 

What amazes me reading a lot of the posts is how many problems and issues seem to come up for couples who start seeing a single guy, I had no idea it was so problematic and emotional for so many people

[JnCC 24]

He was single. He had no obligations to anyone else. Now he's part of a couple. He has an obligation to his new girlfriend, and she to him

Wow...perfect answer, man. Perfect!

 

What amazes me reading a lot of the posts is how many problems and issues seem to come up for couples who start seeing a single guy, I had no idea it was so problematic and emotional for so many people

I've noticed that too. It seems that of the couples I've known who were also into single guys, about half eventually have some sort of major problem involving them. Occasionally it's the other guy who steps out of line, but more often than not the problem involves the wife developing some sort of romantic feelings towards him.

 

Maybe that's a misconception on my part. It could be like plane crashes, "you never hear about all the ones that don't happen." But still...

 

Another thing I've noticed among couples who play a lot with single guys, is that the females tend to be the more dominant of the pair. It seems like they're smarter and/or better educated, have more stable careers, and are the primary breadwinners in the family. I'm not saying that's ALWAYS the case...I know some where it's definitely not...but I see it occuring more with couples who play with single males, than I do among my neighbors and co-workers, for example.

 

I wonder...is it possible that some of those women are secretly drawn to more powerful "alpha" males...the kinds of men that wouldn't tolerate infidelity of any sort, much less "share" their woman? If so, do they perceive their husbands as being somewhat weak or ineffectual for allowing them to have male lovers?

 

Shit...I am gonna be SO fried for even asking the question....

[curiousagain 326]

I haven't run into a widespread case of that JNCC, but then I haven't met the termite lady. Personally, if a couple doesn't seem to "have it together" I don't want to be around them. Hell, life dishes you enough drama without looking for it.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Maybe that's a misconception on my part.

 

I think that pretty much sums it all up...

 

And, by all, I mean everything you've written here and elsewhere.

 

Spoomonkey

[TNT 1,155]

What amazes me reading a lot of the posts is how many problems and issues seem to come up for couples who start seeing a single guy, I had no idea it was so problematic and emotional for so many people

 

Only when they allow it to become so.

 

As for the original poster/question...He was honest in the beginning, you didn't have a problem with it then, there's no reason to have a problem with it now. Chalk it up to a good time had and move on.

 

 

Teresa

[curiousagain 326]

The only time I have seen anything remotely like what you describe JNCC was a couple of couples that the male only wanted to watch me have sex with his wife and then "clean her out" afterwards. They didn't even have sex with their wife while I was there and one didn't even undress. Then before the night was up, they offered to "blow me" or "clean me up". I don't consider these to be guys who wanted MFM. They wanted MM sex and were using their wives to "bait and switch" heterosexual men. Coincidentally, of the wives who have asked to meet me without their husbands, these have been a couple. I don't do homosexual sex, I don't meet wives without their husbands, I don't have anything to do with either of these couples, or those where the wife has wanted me to meet her behind her husbands back. I don't consider them beta husbands. I consider them homosexual males using their wives for the aforementioned reason.

 

You know JNCC, either you take an occasional case and present it as the norm or most often, or KY is one place I want to avoid like the plague. You have said you're a pilot, maybe you ought to play someplace beside your own state? Oh yeah, you have said you don't play much as a single male. Sounds like you haven't met with the success you had hoped for and are bitter about it. Then perhaps you shouldn't act like you are the all knowing??? Until I took a break to concentrate on dating, I was playing with 4 couples regulary and one to three new ones a month and I am pretty damn picky, so I think I have a lot more knowledge about the life of a swinging single male than you.

 

Those who can't play coach, those who can't coach, sit thirty rows back shirtless, screaming obscenities.

 

I realize your main purpose in coming here is not open debate and the exchange of ideas, but to troll, so I try to bear that in mind. Maybe what happened when you were part of a swinging couple, your wife fell for a single alpha male?? So, now you are really anti single swinging male and pose as one to hopefully lend some credence to your words.

 

Your contradictions in different post and total misrepresentation of the lifestyle as experienced by ANYONE else on this board pretty much disproves any validity of your words.

 

You have been shown a great level of indulgence and tolerance on this board that probably would not be tolerated on any other board and you have responded with more and more of the same like a spoiled child who hasn't had the proper level of discipline or training and instruction in manners. Maybe your lack of manners, self discipline, and respect are why you are bitching about the termite lady and I sometimes play with three different attractive couples in a weekend and my biggest problem in swinging is my play partners are always trying to fix me up with their sisters and friends cause I'm a "nice guy"??? You seem to harp on the problems of swinging and I am not saying there aren't any, but perhaps the reason you are having so many problems with swinging is you. Maybe you need to spend a little more time dissecting your flaws and not everyone elses. You obviously have some anger and resentment issues. I think some counseling would be appropriate for you.

[imsnowman 34]

Wow...perfect answer, man. Perfect!

 

I've noticed that too. It seems that of the couples I've known

SNIP

Maybe that's a misconception on my part. It could be like plane crashes, "you never hear about all the ones that don't happen." But still...

 

Another thing I've noticed among couples who play a lot with single guys,

SNIP

I'm not saying that's ALWAYS the case...I know some where it's definitely not...but I see it occuring more with couples who play with single males, than I do among my neighbors and co-workers, for example.

 

SNIP

Shit...I am gonna be SO fried for even asking the question....

 

I don't see that JnCC is trolling. He said that he was speaking from personal opinion. He states upfront that the ideas he's presenting are from his personal observation. He also says that he could be wrong. He says that he's not saying it's ALWAYS the case. And he says he knows that it's not a popular opinion.

 

Trolls rarely admit any possibility of error.

[curiousagain 326]

I think everybody has a right to their opinion and their ability to voice it without fear of retaliation. I would gladly fight for anybody's right to do that.

 

But, I was referring not just to this post but all of JNCC's post, our PM's and our phone conversation.

 

He often uses vague references to other post. I have had patients/clients cuss, push, shove, kick, bite, slap, strike, and even throw me without ever having a moments anger towards them because I knew they were "out of their head". But, I have shoved a grown man through a door and worse for being rude. I am not known for tolerating rude and mean spirited people in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

 

That's my opinion.

[JnCC 24]

Either I hit a major nerve with you and Spoomonkey, or the Bonobo's in the next cage have been keeping him awake at night with their endless carrying-on, and he wants you to do something about it.

 

maybe you ought to play someplace beside your own state?

My ex-girlfriend and I were members of the only club in Kentucky (BGS), even though it's not a very good one. But since you raised the question, I took a little mental inventory of the clubs to which I have been. Let's see...2 in Indiana (LaPlase, Shenanigans), 5 in Ohio (DSSC, Club 440, Club 101, Temptations, and one that only lasted about 6 months...Ja-Ja's) Our annual visit to California and Freedom Acres rounds out the first part of the list. Later, there was Plato's down in Ft. Lauderdale (which I attended as a guest of a couple) and two others in the same area that I attended with a female friend with whom I had a brief, long-distance relationship. I'm not counting several visits to Hedo II and Paradise Lakes because they're more resorts than swing clubs, nor am I adding nude public beaches on both coasts (Black's and Haulover) because they're beaches, although a lot of swingers do go there.

 

I'm NEVER said I was an expert on any of this, or that my experience was more valid than yours or anybody else's. But if they gave "Sky Miles" for this kind of shit, I could go around the freakin' world 3 times on mine. Could you cross the Mason-Dixon Line with yours?

 

Then perhaps you shouldn't act like you are the all knowing???

We take observations of the world we know, and make assumptions about the rest of the world based on those observations. I don't know what goes on in swing clubs that I've never been to. I don't know what goes on in ones I have been to, on nights when I'm not there. But I have seen some common characteristics among clubs, private parties, and people in the Lifestyle, and unless I'm given a reason to believe otherwise, I assume they're all pretty much the same.

 

In my experience, single males are...

 

...not permitted into many swing clubs, or are restricted to certain areas

 

...scrupulously selected, constantly monitored, and doubly-charged for admission in the clubs that do permit them.

 

...virtually never seen at private parties. When they are, they're usually not "single," but part of a couple whose wife could not attend.

 

...unique, in that they are the only ones who can be barred from viewing and/or responding to a couples profile.

 

...often fail to renew their initial membership on swinger dating services, because of low/no responses to their ads.

 

...often clueless as to what the Lifestyle is really about, or why they're not getting all the "Hot, Horny Housewife action" they were led to believe they would find after paying $100-$200 to get into a club.

 

In my world, none of this is happening because "lots of couples are looking for single males" or because "lots of single males are connecting with couples." Of course, maybe your experience is different. If so, tell us about it, instead of getting into all this personal bullshit about me, OK?

 

You have said you don't play much as a single male. Sounds like you haven't met with the success you had hoped for and are bitter about it

No, what I said was I don't solicit couples as a single male. Sex with "a man and a woman" isn't as high on my list of fun things to do as sex with "just the woman." And while sex in front of "another man" is feasible, it's not as high on my list as sex in front of a fireplace. Got it?

 

There are currently 2 couples that I originally met as a single male, and whom I see socially when I'm passing through certain parts of the world. Any 1 of those 4 people would probably be a friend regardless of whether they were swingers or not. When we get together, sometimes we play, and sometimes we just chat, the same as I do when meeting female friends. I don't know what I said that might have given you the impression that I was bitter about anything, because I'm not. If anything, I feel sorry for the single guys who are victims of the "Horny housewives want YOU!" marketing schemes I see on many commercial swingers websites. Of course, not all single guys are to be pitied. Read on...

 

Until I took a break to concentrate on dating, I was playing with 4 couples regulary and one to three new ones a month and I am pretty damn picky, so I think I have a lot more knowledge about the life of a swinging single male than you...and I sometimes play with three different attractive couples in a weekend and my biggest problem in swinging is my play partners are always trying to fix me up with their sisters and friends cause I'm a "nice guy"???

What is this, an "Infomercial" for your swinging life? If so, please tell me when the "APPLAUSE!" sign comes on, so I'll know when to clap. UNtil then, I'll be out in the shop, installing fresh batteries into my Bullshit Detector.

 

Your considerable experience and astounding success as a "single male swinger" seem to be considerably better than what most guys experience in the Lifestyle. Perhaps you could spend more time writing about that, and less time making personal attacks on me?

 

Maybe what happened when you were part of a swinging couple, your wife fell for a single alpha male?? So, now you are really anti single swinging male and pose as one to hopefully lend some credence to your words

Not that it's any of your business, but since I've shared the details in here before...Yes, she was drawn to "alpha males" (a construction worker, a cop, and me) but our separation had nothing to do with swinging. I hate to disappoint you, but our separation had nothing to do with anybody else, either, although we both received invitations to meet privately with the spouses of 2 different couples we'd met through the Lifestyle. (The reason I know this is because when we got our first computer, we agreed to share e-mails and IM's received from anybody of the opposite sex, an agreement we maintained as long as we shared a roof). We were a "Class Act" right to the end, which is probably why we're still best-friends and occasional lovers (and also why neither of us has any plans to marry in the foreseeable future)

 

Since you've brought my ex-wife into this argument, it's only fair that you allow me bring up yours. Didn't you once say that your ex- was a flagrant cheater, and that after catching her at it numerous times, you separated? And didn't you also say that after a brief, emotionally tumultuous reconciliation, you caught her cheating yet again, this time with your best friend?

 

Is THAT what brought you into this Lifestyle as a single male? The opportunity to have sex with other mens wives, with absolutely no possibility that they could again "steal" yours? Are you here because you really understand this from all perspectives, or are you here to "even up the score?"

 

Forget what I said about the Bonobos. It WAS "the nerve," wasn't it?

[imsnowman 34]

SNIP

I am not known for tolerating rude and mean spirited people in any way, shape, form, or fashion.

That's my opinion.

 

I don't see him as being either rude or mean-spirtied. But, you're getting close. And that's my opinion.

[curiousagain 326]

JNCC, as much as I would like to verbally parry with you, I just got back from the funeral home and I'm gonna be a little busy the next few days. I got the email alert and saw this so let's make this a "quickie" and we'll do the "rest of the story" later.

 

We have both mentioned our ex wives and you were talking about wives in general, specifically swinging wives of a certain group. NO, my ex never went out with my best friend. No, I didn't catch her at it several times. She was just seeing several at the time we separated. No, she didn't come back, and won't. She tries on a regular basis, but it isn't going to happen. I have MFM sex sometimes, big deal I also date. Note my post above, I am just dating at this time. basic time/management issues here.

 

First I've heard of you calling your ex a class act. Maybe you're mellowing, it's a good thing.

Should I go on?? NO. I would be more than happy to take this to PM, phone, or after the next three days, meet you somewhere on I-75 between here and there. We'll drink a beer and philosophize this thing to death. I don't know that we'll agree on everything, but that isn't the point necessarily. We can just talk about it and agree to disagree maybe, but we're in the same boat, swinging single males, surely we have more in common than differences.

 

I have no doubt that you are a very experienced swinger as part of a couple but you seem bitter about your experiences as a single male. If it's not fun stop doing it. But, good grief, don't come here and whine and complain about it and make snide, ridiculing, and disparageing remarks about people because of their lifestyle, their build, their kinks, whatever. I have found swingers to be a tolerant live and let live type of people and you seem the opposite. I don't know if you just need a place to vent or whatever. If you still have my number, call me and vent, let it out, but the board isn't the place for it. If you need my number, go to my profile and email me and I will give it to you. You really need to get all this off your chest apparently.

 

Am I expecting appaluse, Hell NO!! Wouldn't I have said something before now? You fill so much space with what a dissapointment swinging single has been for you and I am presenting the fact that it doesn't have to be that way. I think I have offered some advice in several post, but I don't claim to be all knowing by any means. But, like you I think a lot of guys are sold a bill of goods by clubs and websites. You are right in warning them, but your manner in which you do it is what is offensive in this setting.

 

Good grief, I have rambled already. Maybe a lawyer isn't the only one that can write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief.

 

I saw a man lying in a casket tonight that survived years as a POW in WWII. He came home with a few medals and a few scars and a few years off his life according to the doctors because of the treatment he received in the camps.

He didn't complain to anybody, he just got a job and resumed his life and with a wife that had waited on him, raised a house full of kids that all are good contributing members of society and each does his or her little bit to make the world a better place. They're all what around here we call "good people". He did what he could with what he had and didn't ever say life was unfair. That pretty much makes ALL of this little argument bullshit, doesn't it?

 

Like I said, PM me, email me, call me. Let it out. This board is all about helping each other and if you need someone personally who understands your situation to vent to, I will gladly be that person. Swingers are just people. Tall, short, bald, red headed, black, white, whatever, but we're just people and everybody deserves to be treated with a little respect. This is my last response to any of your post I feel are inflammatory. You can say what you will. But again, contact me off the board, anytime.

[imsnowman 34]

SNIP

Swingers are just people. Tall, short, bald, red headed, black, white, whatever, but we're just people and everybody deserves to be treated with a little respect. This is my last response to any of your post I feel are inflammatory. You can say what you will. But again, contact me off the board, anytime.

 

And where did you show respect for JnCC?

[wethere 15]

Hi:

 

I think that you agreed to meet with him and it was YOUR question he was answering, get real, his honesty is a pleasant surpise now days. He spoke as he felt. How would he know if the person he meets wishes to part take in this life style. It's not for all.

[magnum 78]

Hi all,

 

In December we met a single guy that we'd chatted with online, and both liked, so we arranged for a 3some that went off quite well for all involved. While we were still chatting/calling, and before we met in person, I asked him what he'd do if the met someone and it became serious. He was passively looking at the time, and he replied that he didn't know if he'd continue in the lifestyle, and that should he meet "THE ONE" he wouldn't want to share with her his extracurricular past, nor would he want her to engage in the lifestyle with him even if she was willing.

 

He recently informed us that he found someone and hopes we can remain friends, etc, but I get the impression it's a brush off and there's to be no further contact. My question is, am I wrong to be offended by his behavior? Looking back, he basically stated that he he wouldn't want any woman of his to do what we're doing, so did I miss a red flag? I can't help but feel a little used, in that we were a convenient sexual outlet until he found what he really wanted. Any thoughts?

 

Interesting...I have asked my self that same question.

 

I am single and I play with a couple and we have a great time.

 

My answer to your question is, I would be open to swinging with my girl friend/wife, if I knew my girl friend/wife was totally in love with me and I could trust her, in that our play sessions was just that "play" and she was not looking for an emotional link with the other guy(s).

 

I have asked girls that I have dated while swinging, if they would be interested in playing with my swing friends, unfortunately they have all declined and concequently the relationship ends. "I need to be more selective of who I ask to join in. This is another story all together."

 

Sorry you had a "bad" experience with your single guy, we "single guys" are not all as flakey. I hope you can find someone else to play with and that he is more open to the lifestyle.

 

Magnum