Do you play alone?

[stoutgatte 25]

So a recent thread got me thinking... How many of us play solo???

 

We recently started to, and we're enjoying the extra sexual freedom immensely, but still have some rules in place to protect our relationship.

 

I just wanna know... Do you, don't you, or sorta???

 

Note that you can check more than one option...

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Stoutgatte -

 

You're gonna hate me for this...but you left my answer out.

 

When haven't yet, but we would consider it with certain couples we have already played with.

 

Polls can be a bastard to set up.

 

LM

[ALilOEverything 901]

We have just a little. I wouldn't want to make it a regular thing, just special occasions. What we little have done was mostly with another couple we have gotten to know and feel comfortable with allowing the other to play seperate. So far no issues have developed from it but it's not something I want us to do all the time.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

We don't play solo. The main thing we enjoy is being able to watch each other with another playmate. Also, at the club I don't think either of us would feel comfortable with me going it alone in a room.

 

It's just not really something that is an issue with us, we don't even consider it because neither of us are interesting in going solo, so it works for us.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[stoutgatte 25]

Riiite... OK...

 

LM... Thanks for that one.... Thought I had it covered... Guess not... Though you do fall mostly under: "We've considered it but we're too scared of the possible consequences " FOR NOW...

 

Spoo... I know u guys don't do solo... So I'm not shocked... Promise

 

The idea is to get an idea of how the general population (of the board) feels about it. As I said, we do play solo from time to time and we love it. I know others do too, but I've got the idea that many people out there think of solo play as a bad thing...

 

Thanks for your input so far...

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I know others do too, but I've got the idea that many people out there think of solo play as a bad thing...

 

Stoutgatte, I think your right I get the impression that the people who don't go solo think of it as a bad thing. We don't think of it that way, it is just something that for us is not a consideration and we don't have a problem with people who do go solo as long as they don't expect us to play that way with them. The lifestyle is about establishing rules and boundaries for yourselves as a couple and then respecting what other people have decided for themselves.

 

Just my side note since I knew my post wouldn't "shock" you. We have had these discussions before

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[friskyous 17]

Mrs F has had a few solo experiences over the past several years, one guy she sees semi regularly and couple more she played with briefly, I encourage the activity and find it a great turn on. She is always really hot (and ready for me) when she comes home and relays the story of her encounter in great detail, it always leads to some pretty amazing sex for days afterwards.

[da2ofusgb 24]

We voted we dont play solo, BUT we do seperate room swapping all the time.

 

To us, going solo means that one or the other is going off by themselves, like to a bar or other party and picking somebody up and doing there own thing with them. So that is why we voted we dont play solo if that makes any sense to ya guys..........

 

Peace....

Ed & Tammi

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Mrs Spoomonkey - Didn't I read somewhere about Mr Spoo looking forward to getting his FMF (which fell through ) after you earlier went off alone to be part of the couples FMF? As I recall it was a couple you have played with a number of times. I consider this one definition of playing solo which would be acceptable to me and Mr LM.

 

da2ofusgb has a different definition of solo; using their definition I would not swing solo.

 

Solo has different meanings and doing what both are comfy with is what's important.

 

LM

 

stoutgatte - "scared" ME? No way, nothing scares me...put up your fists buster.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

I agree with LM. We don't play solo, but Drew travels for business and there's playmates of ours that live where he goes. I would be perfectly OK with him playing while he was there, but that's because we know the couples well. But, as far as meeting a couple separately, etc., there's no way. So I guess we fall into the one where we would play solo, but only under certain rules--with the rule being that it can only be with an "approved" couple.

[mrs good times 73]

We decided in the beginning to never play solo but recently a situation arose in which I actually suggested Mr. play solo. A couple we play with often has a different sex time clock than us. We are both very slow and enjoy a lot of forplay but this couple is very quick to get with it. So the male half and I always finish first and it is distracting to Mr. GT when we are sitting there talking while he is trying to enjoy the female and by the same token if Mr. GT doesn't walk in the room with a hard-on ready to go she thinks he's not interested. During our last encounter when the male & I finished I suggested we go back into the club and leave Mr. GT and the woman alone. It didn't happen that way but I realized I was comfortable enough with Mr. and her that I could walk away.

 

This is not our preferred form of play but if the circumstances make it better for all involved we don't have a problem with it.

[WesternSwing 504]

Never had, probably never will. My wife has no interest in playing solo since this is an activity we do together. The eroticism for us is watching each other in action.

 

She once gave me a free pass to play solo when we first started. I was feeling left out since she was getting all the action from the other couples and I was like the spare wheel, usually left holding the camera. So when I met a single woman that turned me on she gave me the "get some free" pass. But I didn't use it. I really didn't want to play without her. Besides, I wanted a FFM and this wasn't it.

 

Mr. WS

[akamgaxoxo 25]

Yep, I have played solo, and as you guys have read in other posts, we play under a set of rules. My hubby knows the guy, likes him, is involved in the "planning process" and is completely cool with it. I tell him all the details that I can remember, and that makes for fun playtime later. We have decided MAYBE once a month kinda thing, otherwise all of us can go out and enjoy a vanilla time at the clubs together or on special occasions where hubby might be out of town...my hope is one day I can bring him over for a MFM.

[EvilMJ 65]

We agreed to never play solo. It is just not for us.

 

We tried separate rooms and it was okay, but we both decided same room suites us best.

 

I know personally I don't think I could handle him going off to play alone...my mind would be working over time...maybe a failing of mine but I am perfectly fine admitting it.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Now to Mrs Spoomonkey - Didn't I read somewhere about Mr Spoo looking forward to getting his FMF (which fell through ) after you earlier went off alone to be part of the couples FMF? As I recall it was a couple you have played with a number of times. I consider this one definition of playing solo which would be acceptable to me and Mr LM.

 

da2ofusgb has a different definition of solo; using their definition I would not swing solo.

 

LikeMinds we do have a couple that we are lifestyle friends with and took the opportunity of the relationship to fantasy fulfill. We invited the Mrs half over (with the husband's eager consent) to have a FMF for Mr Spoo and then returned the fantasy favor the other way with me joining them. I think everyone enjoyed it especially the guys

 

Mr Spoo and I discussed it and though it was very hot for all and fun to have a couple we were comfortable with to do some fantasy fulfillments. I still prefer being in a play situation with Mr Spoo present and vice versa.

 

That was the only time we/I went solo by that type of definition and I would be willing to go there again with that couple.

 

We wouldn't however play solo by the definition that da2ofusgb used and we don't do separate rooms.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Spoomonkey 421]

Now to Mrs Spoomonkey - Didn't I read somewhere about Mr Spoo looking forward to getting his FMF (which fell through )

 

Oh - it didn't fall through

 

It was an absolute blast!

 

But - reciprocation was something that really worried us. We were both nervous going into it - me going to a late work shift, her playing host at our house. And afterwards, it did lead to a lot of discussion regarding feelings, etc.

 

I don't think we really thought of it as "playing solo", - but I guess this did put us in a "sorta" category. I think we'd entertain the idea again, but certainly not something we'd be interested in regularly - and splitting up and going our seperate ways, just isn't something that we would want to do. It is a completely different dynamic - and puts a totally new spin on the lifestyle. I can see where it would be thrilling for some - and why it is a no-no for others.

 

I will admit to having mixed emotions when Mrs Spoomonkey gave them their "payback". But, I think with the right couple, and with the right relationship, we'd definitely be willing to set up that scenario again.

 

Spoomonkey

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Oh - it didn't fall through

 

It was an absolute blast! . . .

Good to hear your plans came to fruition!

 

 

I will admit to having mixed emotions when Mrs Spoomonkey gave them their "payback". But, I think with the right couple, and with the right relationship, we'd definitely be willing to set up that scenario again.

 

Spoomonkey

 

I'm sure when the day comes to play solo that our emotions will be tested. With the couple we now play with, playing solo is a possibility. I see it as a rare and special thing when four people can feel comfy with that arrangement.

 

LM

[stoutgatte 25]

Interesting... Almost 55% of us play solo in their own way. And even more if you would add the sorta's like the Spoomonkeys (a real oversight on my part, damn). Always interesting how many definitions there are for the same thing around here...

[Chemistry_0518 20]

We have played separately, but those times are more the exception than the rule. And when it happened there were specifics discussed beforehand. Will it happen again? We are both sure that it will because we have some extremely close friends and when we are separated for an extended period, we feel comfortable with meeting these special (true) friends.

[Joe_Ang 15]

You know we were initially of the mindset 'No, never' but then by chance we played in a separate room with a comfortable couple. We discovered we were ok with this and the one-on-one time was enjoyable, even though we prefer to watch each others enjoyment. But talking about it afterwards filled in those details, and stirred more fun. So a few months later, Angie had the opportunity to play with some new friends who I had met the male half and really felt comfortable with. I was at work and she had gone to their house for a visit. She did not participate much thinking about pre-existing rules and how I might feel about anything, and the details she gave me and her caution on my part really expanded my views. Not to mention I was turned on by the prospect. I encouraged her to wake them up and take it to a new level, but she didn't until I had the chance to meet with the wife, and then she took advantage of my permission. And I am so glad she did, because I got to experience some alone time with this wonderful new person, and even had the pleasure of Ang joining us later.

 

Since then we have had the opportunity at an on-premise club to separate sometimes and we have found it enjoyable. We get the most out of shared experiences, but sometimes a little variety spices things up.

[jsnps 45]

We sometime play together but we have pretty strict rules about doing so:

 

1) We must meet/get to know the other person(s) so they know that hubby and I are both ok with it and we both have a chance to veto a potential play partner. These are people we have built a rapport with - NEVER anyone we just pick up at a bar or see once and take home...

 

2) We only play with others who are single or truly doing so w/their S.O.'s consent - no cheating.

 

3) We do not spend the night with others - we come home to our spouse

 

4) Always safe sex - no exceptions

 

5) Only those who we are really close with come to our home - and that activity happens only in certain parts of the house (i.e. not our bed)

 

6) Everything must be discussed before it happens, unless it is someone that he/I have been involved with for a long time. (i.e. they are play partners and we habitually go out with him/her/them and it is understood something sexual may/may not happen - based on history, naturally everyone is ok with that).

 

7) We share every aspect of the experience with our spouse when we return home - we have no secrets.

 

8) Everything else is a case by case basis - to be discussed

beforehand.

 

* We even have a very simple, yet well defined phone/text message system in place so that we can make sure not to come home and interrupt a potential coupling (should one partner decide to entertain someone in our home).

 

This does not happen with any regularity or frequency. In fact, we've set a limit of not more than two times a month so that there is no chance of taking away anything from our relationship. We have these rules to keep anyone from getting hurt and really everything is a case by case basis. As others have said, it is current play partners or close friends that we consider this with, not just anyone off the street.

 

I'm actually kind of surprised by the number of people who play solo. I figured more people would be opposed to it...

[dutch51 15]

It's interesting to read how everyone defines "playing solo." For us, we can say we don't meet other couples without both of us together. We are in this as a couples activity, so going alone does not give us what we are looking for. Plus, we are simply not comfortable with the idea. We have discussed so much of this for ages, and have a definite set of boundaries and preferences in place, but it is still not something that we are willing to do at this point. For us, the feeling of knowing what's going on and being involved is half the fun.

 

Now, if you want to talk about same room/ separate room... We prefer same room and that is what we tell new couples when we meet. Mostly for the reasons stated above. However, under the right circumstances separate rooms with the right couple is something that may happen.

 

It's funny, when we started out my initial idea was separate rooms at first because I wasn't sure if I could watch hubby with someone else and still be able to enjoy my experience. That was my gut reaction, but when we talked about it I realized we'd both feel better being close to each other. So after we met our first couple we realized we definitely wanted same room only, never separate rooms. Now we do not seek separate room play, there are certain situations where it can be preferred.

 

Well, if nothing else, we've learned never to say never to certain situations. What you can't imagine wanting today is something that may pique your interest tomorrow....

[Alura 2,774]

In our twenty-four years of dabbling in swinging, we've tried some things we liked and tried some things we didn't like.

 

One we didn't like: Mrs. Alura met an attractive man. We decided it would be okay for her to have sex with him. She did. She told me all about it later but her account of the details, shall we say, were less than glowing. I was not threatened but was not turned-on either. We decided this was an experience we didn't care to repeat.

 

One we liked: We decided we'd both like to have sex with our high-school sweethearts (during our reunions) because we didn't do it then. We planned "the seductions" together, which was a lot of fun. I was successful and spent an afternoon in a hotel room with my HSSH. It was fun but not necessary to do again. She couldn't hold a candle to Mrs. Alura in bed.

 

Mrs. Alura couldn't seem to get the idea across to her HSSH and has not yet been successful. Another reunion is coming up next year, though...

 

Mrs. Alura has my permission to have sex with Johnny Mathis, should the opportunity arise, and I have her permission to bed Brigitte Bardot. We don't think we have much to fear in these cases.

 

By far, our best and most fun experiences have been with couples. We'll likely keep it that way, unless we change our minds. For that reason, our vote was "with special rules."

 

Mr. Alura

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

For some this is one of those touchy topics that can cause some sparks. To some it's not playing if you aren't doing it together, to others - to each their own.

 

 

So do you and/or your partner play alone without the other present? How do you handle these situations? Do you both have to agree on the playmate? Does the playing partner fill the other in on the details once the deed is done?

 

How do you feel about playing with others who play seperately? Do you talk to their partner to confirm that they have the ok to do so? or do you just assume they do?

[findtime 16]

Same room only for us.

 

The thrill, we find, is in watching each other give and receive pleasure.

 

Sex is sex with anyone else. Not really exciting beyond the mechanics of it but, watching hubby give another woman an awesome orgasm......

 

Yummy!!!!

[Vespertine 31]

I had one experience where I played alone.

 

We were having a MFM threesome that wasn't exactly working out. My husband wasn't able to keep himself excited enough to continue, and decided to opt out of play. He encouraged us to continue alone, without him.

 

At first, I was hesitant, and tried to put an end to playtime. He insisted we have fun, and said he'd be in another part of the house. He left the room and shut the door behind him(*1). So, we played alone. I had fun, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't the same without my husband there. I have fun playing with him. That's the turn on for me. Without him there, it deducted something from the experience.

 

When we were home later that evening, he wanted a blow-by-blow account of everything that happened, and wondered out loud what we could have been doing for almost two hours (*2). I could only say, "Oh you know, the usual". It felt odd to give him details, I felt like I had done something wrong.

 

We won't play alone, it didn't work well for us. We did learn two good lessons though.

 

*1. Don't ever suggest something in the heat of the moment that the two of you haven't clearly discussed beforehand, he basically made a choice for both of us and put me on the spot.

 

*2. When exploring something new for the first time, don't go overboard and take two hours. Make sure everyone's comfortable with the change. :rollseyes

[Shoreguy67 15]

Not with my wife, but a former girlfriend. I preferred to not play apart, mainly because I liked to watch her. This was a lot better to me than having to just hear her story later on.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

As many of you know already I'm sure, Kermit and I have been known to play apart every once in a while

 

The person has always been agreed upon by both of us and it's never been someone we had meet too too recently. With couples that we've meet together we're perfectly happy to jump into bed on the second date. With singles we've played separately with, I don't think there has been one that we didn't know for a year or so.

 

I must agree wtih Ves, in that the discussion can be awkward. We're better at it now but in the beginning there was a lot of, "So what did you do?" "Oh, you know..."

But the same goes for when we talked about play together. "Tell me about when he did such and such" "It was good..." And it didn't matter who was doing the asking. We were both happy to ask questions about the details but uncomfortable answering.

I think it just takes a bit of time and practice.

 

Also, I think we've been pretty lucky in our solo play.

[confunktion 20]

The ideal situation is everybody together in the same room, preferrably in the same reachable area. That being said, the Mrs. and I have had fun playing in separate rooms, joining up later for more combinations. She has also played alone with a girlfriend without any men present. Also, we had an arrangement with another couple where the ladies would trade off going to each other's house for a MFF threesome once in a great while.

 

In each situation, there was an established relationship with the other play partners where the rules were set and agreed upon and everyone was very much comfortable with each other. If me and the Mrs. hadn't established that together first, none of the above would have ever happened.

 

Mr. Funk

We play well with others...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I couldn't really vote with any of the options provided. We haven't played solo and don't intend to, but never say never.

[Tia Vampire 167]

Because it's so hard for us to find couple where the four of us are attracted to each other, we now have a new rule. We are allowed to play solo, but solo meaning separate room play. Not meeting up with someone on our own or going out without each other on a play date.

[sweet_tna 680]

I had a tough time figuring out how to vote on this one. Mr. Sweet and I have discussed the possibility of solo swinging, but it has not happened yet. For us, it would have to be with a couple we knew very well and trusted. Even then, it would be with the express knowledge and consent of all involved. And of course, we'd share details aferward.

 

=)

[willyoats 324]

We have both done it alone when the other is out of town. Sometimes it is with someone we both know. Other times it is with someone we just met, like when I used to go to our club alone,with my wife's knowledge, when she was out of town. Once when I was out of town, she had an afternoon delight with a guy she just met at a nudist camp we used to go to. She told me about it later that night. It's OK with me.

 

More recently, I have been having a sexual meeting in our home about 6 times a year with a friend who comes in from out of state. We (the three of us) arrange it for times when my wife is out of the house with her bridge group or at some volunteer activity for several hours. Once we did it three days in a row when my wife was out of town.

 

Actually, it would not bother my wife if she were in the house at the same time (which she was once), but I guess the other woman was a bit uncomfortable with that arrangement. I don't quite understand that because my wife has been with her husband more than once. It's not like we don't all know what is going on.

 

For both of us, not having to be at all concerned with what the other is doing or how they are making out, like when we are at a club or a house party, is refreshing and relaxing. As much as we always enjoyed being together to see the other get great pleasure from a new partner, being alone has its advantages, and for us, no disadvantages.

[jessicat78 23]

Jess and I have no rules and will swing alone sometimes with no issues!

[couplers 4,614]

We play separately mostly for several good reasons. Primarily, it is because we are all terribly busy and it is easier to set something up when you only involve two people. For us swinging is primarily about the sexual variety (even though I only have sex with one other guy) and not necessarily watching the other, although watching is more a turn on for me than it is for hubby. Second, sometimes Clair and I just want it to be girls' time. Finally, it all started with me playing alone, so it didn't require any change to pre-existing rules.

[WesternSwing 504]

Years ago we answered this "nope and never will". These days we mostly play alone. Much because we became more comfortable with swinging and with each other not "violating" any rules (i.e. trust), but also because we moved into being polyamory-minded swingers and have both had relationships with others, both single men that the other wasn't interested in for a threesome or they weren't the threesome type of person. Having compersion and not wanting each other to miss-out on a good experience or person, we are happy to give the other the opportunity to play solo.

[Adam-n-Eve 223]

Eve can do who she wants, when she wants. So can I.

 

Now, if we started spending every Friday and Saturday night apart, that would be a problem. But, that just doesn't happen. We still play together more than alone, but Solo play is very under-rated.

 

Of course, either one of us could veto a person or encounter for any reason. That hasn't happened, but we did have to drop one of Eve's playmates after he brought some drama into our lives.

 

Other than that, we have the same rules when apart as we do when together. Which is to say, we don't really have rules (other than safe sex).

[qtcpl4fun 15]

We play together. We enjoy the extra body parts However we have never been to a swing club so not sure if things would be any different there.

[Nrsrchd 15]

NO WAY! We have a no solo flights policy.

[piglet6870 15]

We have thought about it, but have not ventured that far yet.

[JoCoCpl 99]

I've also found in similar discussions on various message boards that "playing separately" has different meanings to different people.

 

Our first preference is always same room/same time. That said, have and we will continue to occasionally play in different rooms or at different times at an event/party. Our only "rule" is that the other knows what is going on and that we both know the playmate(s). In fact, our first experience was a situation where we played at different times - Mrs went with the other Mr. first, then the other Mrs and I went at it a short time later.

 

There have also been evenings where one of us has played and the other did not.

 

We don't go out on individual "dates." Not that we can't - we just haven't had occasion to and have never even discussed it. No telling what the future may hold. I can safely say it wouldn't be the ideal situation for us.

[patty4fun 16]

When my husband situation changed about five years ago, mainly due to his age and health, Bill suggested he would not object if I went solo or found a trustworthy regular lover. He still likes to watch sometimes and my B/F is a fairly frequent visitor to our home midweek and usually stays over at weekends. We all get on really well together and my husband knows I still care and love him.

[couplers 4,614]

We play separately mostly for several good reasons. Primarily, it is because we are all terribly busy and it is easier to set something up when you only involve two people. For us swinging is primarily about the sexual variety (even though I only have sex with one other guy) and not necessarily watching the other, although watching is more a turn on for me than it is for hubby. Second, sometimes Clair and I just want it to be girls' time. Finally, it all started with me playing alone, so it didn't require any change to pre-existing rules.

 

 

Prodigal Petra returning here. Since this thread has gotten new posts, I will update what has happened to our poly foursome. We are still committed to one another, but have expanded our horizons by playing with another couple as well, the three of us anyway, Red still keeps it between me and him. Clair, hubby and I will play together with Lora and Walter about every other weekend, but during the week hubby will play solo with Lora while Clair or I will get with Walter, everything depending on who is not busy and up for it. The reasons we play solo are because we are in this for sexual variety, not because we want to watch (although that is cool) or because it has to be a game of doubles; and scheduling any sex play is easier the more options there are.

[MN Tom 251]

We play alone, it comprises the bigger percentage of our play.

 

Our "dates" usually come from 2 places, either halves of couples we have met as a couple (at a party or whatever), or singles we meet through various methods.

[StewartP 171]

Our first swinging experiences were separate rooms because I was too jealous to see Fi with another guy. She has let me go solo and let me do MMF trios with other couples. In return when she has asked I have let her go solo with men that I know.

 

I still have work to do to get over the unfairness of the jealousy and resentfulness I feel when she goes solo. I have to keep reminding myself that she gets out of it the same things I do: it's fun, it makes a change.

 

I am getting better. I understand it all intellectually, it's just that my feelings don't match up with what I know is right and fair!

 

Fiona is a born swinger, she has no hang-ups, she has great fun and doesn't get emotionally involved.

 

I over-think things...

[Tina and Bob 236]

Yes we play solo but always with the other knowing when and where it is going to happen.

[angelkin 1,326]

We do sometimes, house parties seem to be a venue we're comfortable playing alone or apart from each other. So one us us going off with someone (or couple) we already know or are comfortable with is a likely scenario. We have played one on one separate rooms at a hotel, but don't prefer it.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

When we answered this poll back in 2004, our response was "Never have, never will".

 

Yeah, about that.

 

Our preference to play together has remained, however over time we've allowed for variances for special circumstances.

 

One that comes to mind happened a few months ago. Mrs two4you had been wanting to play with the male half of a couple we met through mutual friends. This desire to play had been going on for the better part of a year, but the logistics weren't there. I knew an opportunity was going to make itself available during a weekend when I wouldn't be around until later in the evening (It was a multiple couples weekend cabin getaway). I told Mrs two4you that if the opportunity presented itself, she should go for it. It did, and she did.

 

Basically, our solo play is with people we already know, and it is the exception to the rule for us.

[TwoAreLooking 58]

When we answered this poll back in 2004, our response was "Never have, never will".

 

and

 

Basically, our solo play is with people we already know, and it is the exception to the rule for us.

 

I'm glad to hear that this is true for other couples. Because our baseline rule is always together and never with a single member of a couple, we sometimes "miss out." I put it in quotes because we don't feel like we are missing out on drama.

 

...that said, there have been situations where I played alone. Not a particularly ongoing thing, because he sort of lost his mind. Hopefully, that wasn't my fault. I mean, one speaks of mindblowing sex, but... oh, dear.

[metroman 17]

We've evolved in the LS and wife's hysterectomy (less drive) had some influence so she's fine if I play alone now on nights when she works (our only additional rule - don't take away from our "us" time). Wife will verify that it's Ok if requested.

 

No problems after 2 months and it's working out fine and kind of exciting + gives us some fun bedroom talk later!!

 

I created a separate profile in SLS under datematefun so there's no games or BS.

 

Each couple has to decide what works for them since we're all different.