Single men & profiles (advice)

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think a lot of guys kill their chances early on by the way they post their ad. It's all about "hey buddy you wanna see me fuck your wife?" or something along those lines. A classy ad can go a long way to making a good first impression.

 

It doesn't happen often, but occasionally when reviewing ads I run into an ad that just pops out at me. More often than not it's because I can't believe someone wrote that and actually thinks people will contact them because of it. Occasionally tho, it's because the ad is so well written that it makes me want to contact the person myself.

 

I wish I could link directly to individual ads in the personal ads area, but I can't, so I'm just going to copy and paste. I found this ad today when I was approving flagged ads and I was quite impressed with the way it was written. Even the picture that was included was very nice (an upper body/head shot - no shirt - no dick).

 

Here's the ad:

 

Hello, I'm Bart. Just your average everyday Joe. Seeking Friendly Ladies and Couples. I am not out to impress anyone with false attributes, Just my smile and baby blue eyes. LOL. The only thing I can guarantee is having fun. I am an athletic person with an outgoing personality, witty, relaxed, and courteous. I travel a lot with my job. To me it's not about just getting into bed or being intimate, that is just an added perk. Let's chat and see if we're compatible.

[Quin 17]

Wow, I like Bart already!! Too bad he's in Florida and I'm in Ohio I think we could be good friends!!

 

It is so refreshing to see a single male be truthful and down to earth. I hope Bart has lots of luck with his ad and meets people worthy of him!!

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Great point Julie !

 

90% of the single male adds that we read are discarded immediately. Here are some examples of what we don't look for.

 

"Married male looking for some action on the side."

 

We are not interested in engaging in cheating with anyone...when we say single we mean single. Then there are the obvious married guys posing as single.

 

Single guy looking for some afternoon delight. Evenings and weekends are not open.

 

ya right.

 

Business man traveling in your area looking for some hot action.

 

We don't care if you are a business man or not. You are obviously desperate enough to travel anywhere to get a piece of someones wife. Most, but not all swinging wives I know do prefer to get to know the guy a bit before getting physically involved. We would never consider having some guy travel hundreds of miles to see us and not expect to feel a bit pressured by all his effort. So of course we won't respond to this type of ad.

 

"Real loverboy that knows how to please available to give your wife what she wants"

 

This implies that hubby for some reason can't give his own wife what she wants. It demonstrates arrogance and lack of experience. Couples are usually not looking to fill a void in their sex lives but just a bit of extra fun with another guy involved.

 

"Young inexperienced guy that loves older women"

 

LOL...first of all, with age comes experience. When I was younger I was pretty good in bed but ya know what? I'm better now. Young isn't bad but isn't going to be a selling point for us anyhow . And what woman likes to be called "older"?

 

I could go on with others but the idea has been brought up well. Couples are just looking for normal single guys that are not fake, arrogant, dangerous, or pushy.

 

Single guys often lament on the fact that there is so much competition out there for playing with couples and couples often lament that there are so few acceptable single men. I would advise single guys to just be themselves and not try to impress or outdo anyone, especially the hubby of the couple they want to hook up with.

[ddrewd 15]

Quote

Originally posted by michigancouple:

Here are some examples of what we don't look for. 'Business man traveling in your area looking for some hot action.'

 

Well, I guess that cuts short my budding swinging career! ? I travel the US with a touring B'way show, so I don't have many options for making intimate connections. While this has been a very educational thread, but I don't really see any solution here for my dilemma.

 

I don't feel that swingers should avoid single males who travel. I happen to believe that swinging couples are far more fun--out of bed as much as in bed--to be with than single people. But in any case it is difficult for me to meet quality people in the cities I visit. I do not like hanging out at bars.

 

Quote

Originally posted by michigancouple:

"We would never consider having some guy travel hundreds of miles to see us and not expect to feel a bit pressured by all his effort."

 

You don't need to travel hundreds of miles to put a lot of effort into making connections. Just hang out at a singles bar. I hate places like that because people are just trying way too hard. Except for emails and postings to a couple boards, I don't put effort into making connections. The actual face-to-face meeting is--to me--just 'hanging out.' You see, I don't need to have sex to have fun.

 

Quote

Originally posted by michigancouple:

"We don't care if you are a business man or not. You are obviously desperate enough to travel anywhere to get a piece of someones wife."

 

Ouch.

 

Quote

Originally posted by michigancouple:

 

"So of course we won't respond to this type of ad."

 

That is, of course, your choice and I respect that. However, MichCpl does make a good point about the need to take time to get to know someone first before getting physically involved.

 

In conclusion, you can think of my situation in terms of the touring show I'm in: The Music Man. Just as "Professor" Harold Hill's scurrilous conquests of innocent librarians throughout the Midwest ruined the lives and livelihoods of the 'traveling fraternity' of salesman, so too a couple of traveling jerks [usually married and cheating] have made it difficult for the majority of fun-seeking [single] males to make connections.

 

Thanks for letting me rant. I joined this board to get some tips and share my thoughts, and I'm grateful for the chance.

[ddrewd 15]

Just so no one thinks that I was cheesed by John's last post, I want to thank him for the great advice, especially his conclusion:

 

"I would advise single guys to just be themselves and not try to impress or outdo anyone, especially the hubby of the couple they want to hook up with."

 

Thanks again!

[OhioCouple 40]

This is part of a profile from a single male who contacted us. Although we have never considered a single male, I did find his ad and profile to be one of the best! It was far from the usual...of "Let me rock your world sort of thing". :p

 

Tall(6-4/215), decent looking,DDF, HTWP,V-safe, LTFN and physically fit...I don't at all resemble Harrison Ford, Andy Garcia or Antonio Banderas, but that's OK...I wouldn't want you to look like them, either!.....I do kinda look like Mark McGuire without the tree trunks for arms.... and great buns...I'm a classy person (well dressed/well groomed)that can be as comfortable talking classical music and red wine or Football and Hooter's Girls over some HOT wings...I own my own tux, but also feel comfortable in those raggy jeans I'll never pitch!.....I'm professionally employed if that helps!.For those young-uns that think 40yo is wayyyyyyy too old.....Both Tom Cruise and Jim Carrey turn 40 this year....We're in good company, eh?

 

Just thought I would share this with ya.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Yes, it is strictly our policy to not answer traveling ads because we get such a huge volume of responses from traveling guys.

 

It is hard to believe there are so very many single business men traveling our way.

 

There are certainly many willing couples for traveling guys though. As Julie implies, the wording in your add makes all the difference in the world. It sounds like you are an ok guy by your post and you could certainly put many of your personal qualities as you so eloquently posted in your reply, as well as your unique job in your adds and get plenty of responses.

[Tellya Later 15]

Hello, I'm Bart. Just your average everyday Joe. Seeking Friendly Ladies and Couples. I am not out to impress anyone with false attributes, Just my smile and baby blue eyes. LOL. The only thing I can guarantee is having fun. I am an athletic person with an outgoing personality, witty, relaxed, and courteous. I travel a lot with my job. To me it's not about just getting into bed or being intimate, that is just an added perk. Let's chat and see if we're compatible.

 

Now I have used ads similar to this and I have had few responses, though they were successful. I would add that a cordial correspondence is key too. Getting someone's attention is one thing, keeping it is another. But if you truly are the person from the post this shouldn't be too hard.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Most single men put one or two lines in their profile that say what a big cock they have and how they can go all night, then show 1 or 2 pics of said cock.

 

The problem is that is not what MOST women are interested in when reading a profile. Sure they do not want you to have a 3" limp dick but profiles written like that are a turn-off and get an automatic "No Thanks" reply.

 

I have put some thought into this and I have come to the conclusion it probably isn't their fault (totally).

 

They are single men and they think like single men. So they write their profile to what sounds good to them.

 

Example: If a single guy opened up a woman's profile and all it read was "Big tits, tight pussy and loves to fuck" they would be all over it.

 

So men write their profile thinking that is what woman want to hear about them.

Not so.

 

Woman want to hear a little about you and what you are about. They want to see a little thought put into your profile so they know you will put a little thought into them. Put in a pic or two of YOU. Block your eyes be discrete but show us more than your cock. Of course the cock is important but they want to know there is more to you than that.

 

So when you write a profile try not to write it from a men's primal point of view. Maybe have a woman friend who knows what you are up to help you write your profile.

 

This is just some advice because I (Mr Here) don't think some single men realize why they are not having much luck with ads, even when they apply to ads of couples looking for single men.

 

I think you will find you have more luck with couples who may be looking for you. Which works out better for everyone.

[TNT 1,155]

I agree Mr. Naughty...we get lots of response to our ad from single men. When I pull up their ad/profile and there are only one or two lines and no pic or just a dick pic, I automatically write them off.

 

If the ad/profile is well written (even without a pic) I will then respond to find out more about them. I like ads with humor in them...I like to laugh and I want to know that they also enjoy laughing.

 

As far as a pic, I really could care less what their dick looks like I would much rather see a picture of their whole body even if they block their face. Of course I really like seeing a smiling face but understand that they might not be comfortable with showing a face pic.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Excellent point. I forgot about humor, tasteful humor.

 

A Big Plus!!

[curious24 17]

ugh ugh. I club you.. ugh ugh... drag you back to cave.. ugh ugh..

 

 

mine isn't anything like that on SLS. I write people and NEVER hear back. Is it okay to write more than once?

[curiousagain 326]

If it shows having been read, then that's about all you can do. Writing them again is likely to have negative effect. Some couples only swing or swing with single males occasionally. If they have decided it's time for their yearly MFM, you don't want to be the guy that has made them feel harrassed.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

ugh ugh. I club you.. ugh ugh... drag you back to cave.. ugh ugh..

 

 

Exactly.

 

I write people and NEVER hear back. Is it okay to write more than once?

 

That is a tough one. Some people do not answer mail at all if they are not interested, very rude in our opinion. We mail back to everyone to at least say "No Thanks".

But sometimes some slip thru the crack and we may have missed it.

 

So would it hurt? In my opinion, No.

 

But only if you were attempting to contact someone who was looking for what you had to offer. But after the second attempt I would not bother again. I would also give at least a few weeks between sending the first & second attempt.

[adventureUS2 25]

Some, and I stress some single men seem to think that the reason swingers want single men is because the husband isn't getting the job done. So they default to how much they can satisfy a women. I don't think they realize the idea of a mfm 3 sum is about a women getting the attention of two men at the same time. They believe they are filling a sexual void the husband can't fill. So when they write their primal profile they think you are looking for a Magnificent Love Beast to satisfy you every need while the husband sits back and takes notes.

[Cyberaura2u 15]

TNT said:

I agree Mr. Naughty...we get lots of response to our ad from single men. When I pull up their ad/profile and there are only one or two lines and no pic or just a dick pic, I automatically write them off.

 

If the ad/profile is well written (even without a pic) I will then respond to find out more about them. I like ads with humor in them...I like to laugh and I want to know that they also enjoy laughing.

 

As far as a pic, I really could care less what their dick looks like I would much rather see a picture of their whole body even if they block their face. Of course I really like seeing a smiling face but understand that they might not be comfortable with showing a face pic.

 

I thought of that when I put a very first ad on the internet, I do not want to read just a sentence and then see only a nude picture, I would think it is a hooker ad if it had just shown a females body, so why would I do that?

 

Let a ad have some structure to it, be descriptive, I prefer not to have a picture in it especially if it is a new ad.

 

Stop and think of what is the reader on the other side of the internet going to see?

[ALilOEverything 901]

I'd like to read what they want to get out of swinging, what their swinging philosophy is. I like everything they say to be positive (nothing negative and being defensive). If there is anything negative in their ad I find myself getting turned off really fast.

[Guest clem]

Well, Julie...I'm not saying that Bart won't appeal; obviously by the responses on the board he does, but the appeal is pretty vanilla and feminine (wouldn't you agree?). I mean, he's even got a LOL in there. Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:

 

He: I..I..want to see another man with a gigantic cock get on you..ah..ah

 

She: Really? Do you want me to take it...?

 

He: Yes, and put it in...

 

She: ...and suck it...

 

He: YES! and ride that monster...

 

etc.

 

Ultimately, impersonal pornography is boring and I understand your being underwhelmed by countless photos of dick, dick, dick. However, there are some things about participating in the Lifestyle that are like making your own private XXX-rated movie; taboo-busting and not too social, fairly crude and downright nasty and without them you hear/read complaints of "it's just not working for us, they/we are not the right body types, we have problems the day after."

[Denver2some 15]

Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:

 

He: I..I..want to see another man with a gigantic cock get on you..ah..ah

 

She: Really? Do you want me to take it...?

 

He: Yes, and put it in...

 

She: ...and suck it...

 

He: YES! and ride that monster...

 

etc.

 

Good point, Clem. But just because the couple may talk to each other like that ... it doesn't mean they want someone they haven't met yet or even chatted with yet to approach them in that way. For example, line one of the very first email is a little much!

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Well, Julie...I'm not saying that Bart won't appeal; obviously by the responses on the board he does, but the appeal is pretty vanilla and feminine (wouldn't you agree?). I mean, he's even got a LOL in there.

 

Yes vanilla and feminine...he is trying to appeal to women, right? We like that! At least I do and the LOL shows he has a sense of humor, a big turn-on for a lot of women, including me.

 

'Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:

 

Used to be, and I have no reason to believe that it's much different, that the initial love-talk between committed couple considering swinging went something like:

 

He: I..I..want to see another man with a gigantic cock get on you..ah..ah

 

She: Really? Do you want me to take it...?

 

He: Yes, and put it in...

 

She: ...and suck it...

 

He: YES! and ride that monster...

 

etc.

Ultimately, impersonal pornography is boring and I understand your being underwhelmed by countless photos of dick, dick, dick. However, there are some things about participating in the Lifestyle that are like making your own private XXX-rated movie; taboo-busting and not too social, fairly crude and downright nasty and without them you hear/read complaints of "it's just not working for us, they/we are not the right body types, we have problems the day after."

Clem

I have a feeling that the problems the day after have nothing to do with lack of crude behavior the guy was exhibiting the night before. It probably is chemistry or technique or something that didn't go right during the night. I, for one, do not want to be treated like a prostitute or a porn star.

 

I see swinging as a kind of dating. I want a guy to be respectful of me and my relationship with hubby. I want to find guys that can carry on a conversation with me, guys with a sense of humor. I would not ever answer an ad or an email that was crude. I don't want to date that kind of man nor would I want to play with him. If my hubby treated me that way when we were dating he never would have gotten a second date. Hubby and I have built a great deal of trust and if we talk dirty with each other it is a turn on, with someone new to me it would be a big turn OFF.

 

Sorry Clem but I just don't agree with you.

[EternallySingle 32]

hmm...

 

Clem's post was interesting, and it shows the pitfall of being a single man in the swinging world. No matter what anyone says, it will be the woman that decides if a single guy is interesting enough to consider meeting (even if its the husband/boyfriend that decides if they will meet). Therefore, a single man's personal ad HAS to be written from a perspective most single men don't have to deal with when dating single women: It has to be written as if he was trying to convince the husband to go on a date with his wife, and written so that the wife will want to convince her husband to let her go on that date.

 

I'm not saying the ad has to be written in a way that says "Let me go out with your wife tonight" but the guy has to come across as both attractive to the woman (very easy, we've been learning how to do that all our lives from the time when we got our first kiss) and not threatening to the established relationship. As I said before, unless the single man has prior experience swinging as part of a couple, he won't learn how to do this except by trial and error. Unfortunately, women only give men they haven't slept with one mistake when trying to get to that point. That is life. You deal with it and move on, hopefully realizing what your mistake was and learning from it.

 

I used to have an ad on SLS that was blasted by most of the single men, but almost all the couples and single women said they would have liked to meet me based on my ad. All the guys with certifications had ads similar to mine. I just live in an area where the people I would have wanted to meet were not looking for single men. One couple did write, but they wanted to meet on a night I had a H**O**T**T date, and told them so. A single woman wrote also, but I was spending the weekend with the woman I had the smoking date with a week earlier. Neither responded favorably when I suggested we try to meet at a different time, but that goes back to the other drawback to being a single man. Turn down sex once and you rarely get a second chance UNLESS you have already had sex with the woman. Don't ask me why. I'm not a woman. I just know what I've seen and experienced both in and out of the swinging world.

 

And that is another drawback to being a single man and trying to swing. Again, we know that 90% of the women we meet will only give us one time to turn down a request to sleep with them. After that, we are seen as playing games. My profile says I date, so I need more than three days notice for a get together, even if its just to talk. It also says that an encounter with someone from a swing site has to offer me something other than sex, like something similar to an intelligent non-sexual conversation and fun non-sexual evening doing SOMETHING besides eating or drinking coffee. Oddly enough, those seem to be some of the things couples and single women say they want to hear from single men on swing sites. That swinging is something they do on the side, not that swinging is the center of their social life.

 

Yeah, I'm high maintenance when it comes to swinging, but I want to have fun, first, last, and always. That is also in my profile. The sex talk makes a guy seem desperate. I'm not. I can't be. Desperation leads to despair. Despair leads to anger. And anger is a path to the dark side.

 

Oops, channelling Obi-Wan again. LOL.

[SluttyWife 17]

Gee, he does sound nice! And no "dick pic" LOL LOL...

 

If I see any I'm definitely going to post them to this thread.

 

I have a new habit of "blocking" single males from viewing my profile on ad systems these days. I just don't have the time to open message after message of "9 long inches for your pleasure..."

 

Hmmm...maybe they can serve as blueprints for crafting ads.

[soniadan 15]

Eternally Single,

 

Wow...that's probably the most refreshing few paragraphs I've read from a single male in the lifestyle in...well...forever! Thanks for making an enjoyable read!

 

Here's my $0.02.

 

We aren't looking for single guys. Our profile on various sites states this implicitly, yet we still get e-mail from single men who just browse our photos and then write a few crude lines in an email hoping to get lucky -usually insulting my better half in the process...yah...that'll win me over real quick!

 

There are two distinct categories of single men in the lifestyle. The smart ones who get to play, and the dumb ones who sit on the sidelines wondering why they get no action.

 

The smart single guys in the lifestyle are akin to the smart single guys outside the lifestyle. If you are honest, charming, sincere, well groomed, polite, and decent looking you should have no problem. Patience is also a virtue. You have to remember that you are asking to be sexually involved with someone else's wife or girlfriend - a thing that is very precious! Respect and politeness always work in your favor even if you are rejected ("no thanks" emails etc.). You never know who knows who in the lifestyle. You could get a bad reputation fast if you don't know how to remain dignified even in the face of numerous rejections.

 

We've had the opportunity to meet some really nice single men lately at various lifestyle functions at clubs. These guys are getting laid left and right by couples in search of single men! It really is amazing! All the single men we have met have been sincere, honest, RESPECTFUL, humorous, decent looking, and always have a multitude of friends in the lifestyle. And yes, we do see those other single men standing on the wall or at the bar trying to slyly get a grope in of an ass here or there - but they are the ones that go home alone!

 

Another thing I can't stress enough if you are a single male is DO NOT APPROACH COUPLES WHO ARE NOT LOOKING FOR SINGLE MEN! Again I think it goes back to respect, and respecting other people's wishes.

[Guest clem]

Good point, Clem. But just because the couple may talk to each other like that ... it doesn't mean they want someone they haven't met yet or even chatted with yet to approach them in that way. For example, line one of the very first email is a little much!

 

You kinda' sorta' took a leap on ol' Clem's thought process. The dialogue was written as how many committed couples, in the past, might speak to each other. I did not say or suggest that you would look at this language as a turn-on if spoken by the unknown single male; the example was one illustrating how, in the past, couples would coo - objectifying the fantasy male phallus - without respect to "sense of humor," pepsodent smile or natural wavy hair.

[Guest clem]

NaughtyKitten said:

Yes vanilla and feminine.......he is trying to appeal to women, right? We like that! At least I do and the LOL shows he has a sense of humor, a big turn on for a lot of women, including me.

 

If my hubby treated me that way when we were dating he never would have gotten a second date. Hubby and I have built a great deal of trust and if we talk dirty with each other it is a turn on, with someone new to me it would be a big turn OFF.

 

Sorry Clem but I just don't agree with you.

 

No, you don't, (I'm an old guy; I recognize when I've been disagreed with ) and I agree to that knowing that the reference to talking dirty with someone else was your misreading of what I wrote. Believe it or not, I have shared some terrific experiences in 'permissive dating', but ol' Clem never told a joke, played charades, read a poem, or danced like Steppin' Fletchet to participate. There were times when a jug of wine and a serious woodie were enough.

[WesternSwing 504]

Here's my latest beef with single men profiles: their handles. Some of them are just, well... icky. Some recent ones:

 

DICK_HARDON

9INCH4U

BOOBFAN

BOXMASTER

THIKLUVSTIK

FILLERUP

PERFECTING_HEAD

THICKNLONG

FKNGUY

MRBIGSTICK

HARD1

SEXLVR

ILUVPUSSY

DR_DP

ORALMAN

BIG11INCH

HEAVYCUM

PIMPIN

HARD8INCH

 

You get my point. Once again, would they use such a handle on a singles dating site trying to meet a single woman to date? Probably not, so why do they think Mrs. WS will be attracted to a handle like that? When we get an email from a handle like above it is almost automatically deleted without going any further, because we know what the profile is going to say.

 

So another bit of advice to single men: when writing your profile put some thought into your handle. If it would attract a woman on a vanilla dating site it will attract couples on a swingers site. We are no different then anybody else, you are simply going out with a couple rather than a single girl.

[txduo2000 18]

TOTALLY agree, Mr. WS!!! Dito

 

In fact, our favorite single male had a handle similar to those that you put on your post here, and I encouraged him to change it. He is way too nice a guy to be overlooked because he had a crass handle, and I told him so. He recently changed it, and it is much more appropriate and classy.

[curiousagain 326]

Handles, yeah, I've seen some pretty strange/sleazy/odd ones for couples too, but single males are "more guilty" of ones that knock them out of the saddle before they can get on the horse.

[Spoomonkey 420]

DICK_HARDON

 

I'm sorry, but that is classic...

 

Absolutely hilarious!

 

There is one guy in our area who calls himself "IMPURDY". :rollseyes

 

I agree with CA - couples have some great ones, too...

[DavidHeather 15]

This is what I usually send couples and I have been quite successful.

 

You two sound like a fun couple. Just to get this out of the way, yes we do play separate since I am here working in MD and she is working in MI. I am trying to get transferred back there. She has a girlfriend who they go seduce poor unsuspecting guys at times. We try to see each other every 2 - 3 weekends. Would you like to meet for a drink?

[Too Tall 15]

Ok.... I took a totally different approach to the whole profile thing, but I just couldn't stand putting up the standard "cookie cutter profile..." even if it was infused with loads of charm. Probably will never get a reply... but at least I can't be accused of being unoriginal. Thought I would post it here, just because I think the quiz is so clever and relates to the topic so well.

 

Ok... so a swing couple who are VERY good friends send out a 10 question quiz to perspective single male playmates, that they say saves them a lot of time culling through the hundreds of e-mails they get every month. I decided that rather than write the same old profile, that I would just take their quiz and post it here to see if it really will save us all time. Let me know how you think they would score me.

 

THE QUIZ:

 

1. WHAT FAMOUS PERSON DO YOU MOST RESEMBLE? Um, well people tell me I look like Gerald McCranny (Major Dad)... I don't know who he is so I can’t say if they are right. So I would have to say BJ Honeycutt from MASH, that is if he were a foot taller and played middle line backer for the Bears.

 

2. TELL US A JOKE YOU THINK IS FUNNY. I can never remember jokes, but I remembered the punch line to one, it goes, "that's ok reverend, we aren't welcomed back at Wal-Mart either."

 

3. ALL GUYS SAY THEIR COCK MEASURES 12 OR MORE, OUR EXPERIENCE SAYS THEY MUST BE USING THE METRIC SYSTEM. FINE! HOW MANY CENTIMETERS LONG IS YOUR ERECT COCK? Had to use a conversion slide-rule BUT my cock is either 17 or 170 (either way…. I love the metric system).

 

4. CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR STAMINA. "MINUTE MAN," "MIDDLE MAN," "ENERGIZER BUNNY?" Well, lets just say that my batteries are rechargeable in 10-15 minutes.

 

5. HOW WOULD YOUR LAST PARTNER ANSWER QUESTION #4. After only three recharging she just rolled over and went to sleep -- refused to talk or cuddle.

 

6. MATH SECTION - TAKE THE NUMBER OF PARTNERS YOU CLAIM YOU HAVE HAD, DIVIDE BY 75% AND SUBTRACT THE NUMBER THAT WERE ACTUALLY REPEAT PARTNERS.

Ok...so 75 divided by 75 equals 1… LESS 32 equals.. negative 32... WOW either I suck at math or I'm a virgin.

 

7. IN OUR EXPERIENCE 90% OF SINGLE GUYS LIE ON LINE ABOUT THEIR TRUE RELATIONSHIP STATUS, CONVINCE US YOU ARE PART OF THE 10%. Ok, I'm a married male playing as a single with my wife's permission. That claim is SO unbelievable it has to be true. Also I realize that it disqualifies me as a play partner for 99% of the swing world, so why would I lie... but there is still that 1%...lol.

 

8. EVERY GUYS SAYS HE IS A "SKILLED LOVER," OK TEACH US A TRICK WE DON'T KNOW. Ok... this called the "g-spot juicer" trick. First find her g-spot (its right between her "F" and "H" spot). Now place your hand flat on her belly just above her pubic bone. Now press down with steady press as you use the "come hither" motion with the fingers of your other hand. I advise you not to wear you good shoes for this one.

 

9. TELL US WHAT WE WOULD SAY ABOUT YOU AFTER OUR FIRST DINNER BUT BEFORE OUR FIRST SEX. Well, I would hope you would say that I'm "an easy going guy who is easy to talk to" (I pride myself in may ability to people at ease by always finding a common interests), that "he seems smart” or better yet, "he’s smart ass" (no I’m not “smart mouthed” (I hate rude people) but I do love to make people laugh even though I have a rather dry sense of humor – if you didn’t notice that this whole quiz is tongue in cheek – you won’t get my humor), that I'm not the typical, "self-centered single guy who has only one thing on his mind to the point that there is little room for anything else." I've gotten to the point in life were I want my partners to have some "there"... "there" – so I feel obligated to offer the same. I like getting to know (and playing with) REAL PEOPLE not blow up dolls with strategically placed holes... in fact I prefer playing with people I ACTUALLY KNOW AND LIKE... (I know, I'm a freak that way). Many the couples I’ve met in the lifestyle are my best friends first… playmates second (if at all).

 

10. TELL US THE ONE THING YOU DON'T WANT US TO KNOW!

How unbelievably square most people think I am. I’m probably the last one in the room you would guess had such a "wild side" and maybe the last you would pick to play with because of the “starched collar” “straight laced” vibe I give off in the rest of my life. That’s not to say that I’m not personable or fun at office parties, but I’m a painfully proper and serious in my professional life, which probably explains why I’m so passionate, hedonistic and fun loving in my private life (work hard, play harder…lol).

[SnsualPrsuasion 15]

Humor is at the top of my criteria. Well, not just humor, but wit! Once again, LMAO

 

I have one thing to add here: SLS is our primary means of meeting people in the lifestyle, and I know on there that single guys that are free members cannot initiate contact, only receive it & can continue the mail from there. We are wanting to look for a single male at this time, but haven't made contact with anyone due to a few things. You guys should specify what type of people you are looking to interact with. (I'm a BBW & obviously I want someone that would love my Rubenesque physique) I am not about to contact a man whose profile just says "looking for fun with fun couples". That's not specific enough for me to be comfortable enough to write.

 

We've had one MFM (our first experience in swinging) and the guy I ended up talking to was the one that kept me intrigued. It wasn't erotic chat, it was humorous, down to earth, witty and genuine. It wasn't 'wut u into' 'wunt to webcam' 'i have a huge schlo** and i cn rok ur world'. (That was an actual conversation I had just the other day) And if that's how you're spelling on your ad, I wouldn't talk to you. I want someone to stimulate my mind as well as my body. But that's just me.

 

[SnsualPrsuasion 15]

Here's my latest beef with single men profiles: their handles. Some of them are just, well... icky. Some recent ones:

 

DICK_HARDON

9INCH4U

BOOBFAN

BOXMASTER

THIKLUVSTIK

FILLERUP

PERFECTING_HEAD

THICKNLONG

FKNGUY

MRBIGSTICK

HARD1

SEXLVR

ILUVPUSSY

DR_DP

ORALMAN

BIG11INCH

HEAVYCUM

PIMPIN

HARD8INCH

 

LMAO I Have to add one to that list that I just saw on SLS. It's SCHLONGO lmaooooooo

[BellyManBob 15]

I am Chuckling as I'm reading this particular post. Some of the handles are pretty out there.

 

At the risk of gloating a bit, I Feel that my profile is appropriate, honest and very sincere.

 

My handle is one I came up with while indulging in a Caffeinic Beverage.

 

I am a Writer and sometimes get my best ideas while in an enhanced state of mind.

 

Anyway, It simply means that one of the most sensual attributes of a woman to me is a nice Yummy Belly.

[Amanda69 24]

Having been a single female in the lifestyle for a period of time I ran into a lot of single males both at the clubs (we have several here that allow single males) and on line.

 

Several bits of advise I always gave:

 

1) Put your clothes back on, cover the penis. We all know you have one and you think it is God's gift to women but to be honest it doesn't photograph that well.

 

2) Post pics that show off your body to its best potential, i.e.: tight jeans, nice suit, whatever works to show something about your personality as well. (dick shots only show you are a dick...tell me more)

 

3) Choose a name that again does not concentrate on your dick or your alleged prowess. Something that says I have imagination and verbal skills.

 

4) Women love to be seduced...this does not mean that in the first few seconds you offer to "fuck her brains out." Seduction takes skills and time...doesn't necessarily mean days but at least it is more than the above immediate statement.

 

5) Don't keep insisting that despite your young age you are going to show me something...I have seen it, done it and written the book on it. I might still enjoy trying you out but not if you tell me I am missing something if I don't.

 

There are many respectful single males out there just waiting for the right couples or singles. Sometimes all that is needed is a little guidance and patience. I have found most accept constructive criticism, if they don't they weren't worth the time in the first place.

[Guest CandPinSA]

Now I have used ads similar to this and I have had few responses, though they were successful. I would add that a cordial correspondence is key too. Getting someones attention is one thing keeping it is another. But if you truly are the person from the post this shouldn't be to hard

 

 

Man, I couldn't agree more.... cordial AND RESPECTFUL correspondence. Mr. C here... I posted a reply to something about the top meaningless statements. My reply was generally about respect... part of it reply was actually the direct result of a chat conversation I had today with someone from SLS... he and I were simply discussing our profiles and as such, our desires, and generally (at least me) trying to get a feel for the other person... every thing was actually going just fine until he said something about Mrs. P's "cunt". Ooooops.... instant dismissal, instant deletion, and instant ignore. He let his true nature be seen in that one word... IMHO. He thinks that because we've decided to enter the swinging arena, we must be a bunch of whores and sluts that just want to f*ck every thing that walks by. We might be up for some fun with another guy when we meet one we like, but damn man... we're not just an easy lay for every guy that can get his stuff hard. Hell, mine gets plenty hard every time...and we don’t seem to have any disappointments happening in the bedroom. We don't need his. We just want some extra spice....and his choice of vocabulary gave a tremendous insight into his intellect, and his mentality. I'll try to find his profile and be sure to post his SLS username here. I just can't stand that word.... NOR can Mrs. P. If he can't show any more respect for me or my wife than that, when he's had all of a 10 minute online conversation with me (or ever for that matter), then what in the hell makes him think I'm going to allow him or his 'parts' anywhere near my wife or her parts?

[Spoomonkey 420]

He thinks that because we've decided to enter the swinging arena, we must be a bunch of whores and sluts that just want to f*ck every thing that walks by.

 

I can certainly understand your frustration with this guy - and Mrs Spoo hates the "C" word so much that even I never use it.

 

You were 100% within your right to stop communication with this guy. And if it came out of nowhere - like in the middle of "so tell me what kind of car you drive" - then it does show a complete lack of tact.

 

But - to be fair to single guys - you might want to read some of the thoughts at I feel sorry for single males re: profiles . One couple's trash may be another couple's treasure. The single guy you are talking about (and I personally see no reason to post his screen name over the use of a word you don't care for) may indeed be the biggest ass in Texas - or he may simply be a guy who didn't know which word caused you to freak out - and he stepped on the wrong landmine.

 

A guy who asked a question to me about Mrs Spoo's c#*t would likely be off our radar - I'll agree with you there. In fact, we had an experience where a guy asked to see her "pooter" - which I assume was her genitalia - and his whole demeanor about it really pissed me off. And I can't tell you the number of times some classless someone (we've had males AND females; single AND married do this) have gone way overboard with the things they've said. But, my advice is write the guys off that you don't like without making a public example of him. Block him, flame him in a PM, whatever - but then just move on.

[Guest CandPinSA]

I can certainly understand your frustration with this guy - and Mrs Spoo hates the "C" word so much that even I never use it.

 

You were 100% within your right to stop communication with this guy. And if it came out of nowhere - like in the middle of "so tell me what kind of car you drive" - then it does show a complete lack of tact.

 

Yeah... that's pretty much the way it happened... I mean, we were having a conversation somewhere between that and sex acts.... but up to that point, things had been completely tasteful and respectful, then out of no where came *that* word in a comment.... that without such a tasteless word might have been very erotic... but it put me off so much I was furious that this "stranger" would use such a word without knowing me. I mean.... I'm sure I have some words I'm capable of spewing that many would find offensive.... but I like to think I'm smart enough to know what those words are, and try to have enough class and respect for others to not use them in a conversation with or around someone I don't know... no matter what we're discussing. ...And I foolishly allow myself to expect that everyone feels the same. I say foolishly, because I'm not that naive about the world and people in it. I do, of course, *know* there are many people who *don't* think that way. Oh well... that's probably enough about that. Probably more than enough. :-)

[Guest CandPinSA]

There are many respectful single males out there just waiting for the right couples or singles. Sometimes all that is needed is a little guidance and patience. I have found most accept constructive criticism, if they don't they weren't worth the time in the first place.

 

Well, there is at least one relatively near us. Yesterday, Mrs. P and I received an introductory first msg from one very nice guy on SLS who we will most definitely consider. I have discussed his msg with him and how pleased we were with the way he presented himself to us. As we had already been reading this thread, it immediately came to mind when reading his introduction. I asked him if I could have his permission to quote his msg on here as what we felt was a great example, of course removing his identification. He graciously granted that permission, so without further delay:

 

 

Hello, I just found your profile and found it an interesting read. The two of you are def. going about this the right way by taking you time and making sure the water is right before just jumping in. I used to swing with my wife, now divorced; I swing as a single bi-curious guy. I have been with a few couples and singles, but no one recently. I am disease free, and intend to stay that way, no I don't believe in bed hopping, or notching my post. I would love to talk with either one or both of you if you are interested. I know that I am in the *his town* area and you are in San Antonio, but that problem is solved due to my love of traveling, road trips and photography. I have found San Antonio offers some of the best places to shoot photos and love to visit. Well, that's it for me; I hope you find me interesting or that at least my beginning words helped a little. Until I hear back from you... Bye, *His Name*

 

Yes, I left at least our town in the quote, because it's on our profile anyway, so it would be ridiculous to remove it here. :-)

 

We we're both quite pleased with the way he addressed BOTH of us right away, didn't speak in any sort of disrespectful way, seemed like someone who is genuinely complimentary and sincerely understanding of our 'newness', and included enough about himself to give at least a little insight into him. He came across as a person who knows how to introduce himself to people who may consider inviting him to share their personal bedroom fantasies, and realizes that it is not a guarantee, but one that is a privilege. Our reply to him included that he certainly, through his demeanor, has captured our attention. I wish all the messages we have received already had been like this.

[Guest jojo_man_7353]

I'm just curious how many (not really asking just wonder if any ) swinging ladies would be willing to help a shy single guy? Help him become more comfortable around women and boost his confidence.

 

In my case, one of the reasons I'm shy is because I've had a prostate problem for years. Its kept me low energy and nervous over the years so I'm just not very energetic and confident. I don't think my problem is like a contagious STD ( I would get a med report from my doctor about that) but its just chronic. I don't think I'm ever going to get better unless I get some regular prostate massages while I cum to help keep things drained out. You just can't get that treatment from a doctor. It needs to be a sweet lady that likes helping people and who is open minded about sexual activity.

 

So I'm just curious do any of you swinging ladies ever think that you would like to help a shy guy or help a guy maybe that has problems? Just curious for now.

[twoforone100 45]

We are not looking for the single guys either and we do try to help the ones who we think might be able use it. Don't write couples who are not looking for it. We are in the md va chat room. When we are there we don't mind being asked what we are looking for in a partner or partners. How ever if you read our profile and still email us you response won't be what you are looking to get. We actually read this whole thread. Did you? There is lots of advice for you in it. In short Write a real profile. No dick pic's. Don't offend the male. Don't ask who you are talking to. Talk to both of us. In chat rooms we often are asked "is this the m or the f". And you know what we know what happens if we say the fem. Duh. We have seen it before. Good luck.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

It doesn't happen often, but occasionally when reviewing ads I run into an ad that just pops out at me.

 

I am puzzled by the reaction that JoAnn sometimes has to a single man's profile. I look and my reaction is, "What a creep." She looks and says, "he's interesting." One of the benefits of getting into this "Lifestyle" is what I learn about my spouse and her reactions. Of course, it has also worked that other way. Sometimes she has said to me, "Do you really think that 'that' is attractive?" Oh well.

 

But to the point. Women react to words. One man sent her a draft of his erotic novel and she went into orbit. Men react to visual stimulation (big boobs and round butts). Oh well.

[Tom4Fun 15]

I think a lot of guys kill there chances early on by the way they post their ad. It's all about "hey buddy you wanna see me fuck your wife?" or something along those lines. A classy ad can go a long way to making a good first impression.

 

It doesn't happen often, but occasionally when reviewing ads I run into an ad that just pops out at me. More often than not it's because I can't believe someone wrote that and actually thinks people will contact them because of it. Occasionally tho, it's because the ad is so well written that it makes me want to contact the person myself.

 

I wish I could link directly to individual ads in the personal ads area, but I can't, so I'm just going to copy and paste. I found this ad today when I was approving flagged ads and I was quite impressed with the way it was written. Even the picture that was included was very nice (an upper body/head shot - no shirt - no dick).

 

Here's the ad:Hello, I'm Bart. Just your average everyday Joe. Seeking Friendly Ladies and Couples. I am not out to impress anyone with false attributes, Just my smile and baby blue eyes. LOL. The only thing I can guarantee is having fun. I am an athletic person with an outgoing personality, witty, relaxed, and courteous. I travel a lot with my job. To me it's not about just getting into bed or being intimate, that is just an added perk. Let's chat and see if we're compatible.

 

Or, if that doesn't work for you - add some humor. "Hello, I'm Bart. I may produce one too many farts.. My belly may wiggle like jello, but I'm just an ordinary fellow. I can still see my penis when I pee, and you will enjoy me with glee. I am not out to impress anyone, I just want to cum and have some fun. I know it's scary, but I'm really not married, I'm just a guy with baby blue eyes and in no disguise. The only thing I can guarantee is having fun, and you will cum. I am an athletic person with an outgoing personality, witty, relaxed, and courteous and somewhat flirtatious. I travel a lot with my job, that's why I jerk my knob in the absence of your slob. To me its not about just getting into bed or being intimate, its because I'm not having sex or being sexually consistent. Swinging is an added perk, I swear - I'm not a jerk. Let's chat and see if were compatible because I'm tired of the inflatable.

[LOL_OMG 130]

I'm just curious how many (not really asking just wonder if any ) swinging ladies would be willing to help a shy single guy? Help him become more comfortable around women and boost his confidence.

 

In my case, one of the reasons I'm shy is because I've had a prostate problem for years. Its kept me low energy and nervous over the years so I'm just not very energetic and confident. I don't think my problem is like a contagious STD ( I would get a med report from my doctor about that) but its just chronic. I don't think I'm ever going to get better unless I get some regular prostate massages while I cum to help keep things drained out. You just can't get that treatment from a doctor. It needs to be a sweet lady that likes helping people and who is open minded about sexual activity.

 

So I'm just curious do any of you swinging ladies ever think that you would like to help a shy guy or help a guy maybe that has problems? Just curious for now.

 

In the middle of a post for single guy advice this fellow has the...balls? to put something like this. Is it just me or is he adding to the single guys problems by trying to hit on women here. I'm very up on medical problems with men but c'mon, your third post and your fishing for women?

 

Back to the original post, if you're really single, make sure that is stated, if you're married state that also, there are couples that will take you regardless so be open about it.

 

Lying is the main thing that drives us bonkers.

[cplnuswing 4,712]

It's all about "hey buddy you wanna see me fuck your wife?" or something along those lines.

 

This is true. Without even having looked at the actual profile to know it's a single male, with a lot of them you get this vibe after just the first few words of their message...and that's the one that just don't come right out and say it by using it as their opening line.

 

What I mean to say is that experience is the teacher that will allow you to distinguish a married male from a not-married male. I will remind everybody that cheating females also exist.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,023]

This is true. Without even having looked at the actual profile to know it's a single male, with a lot of them you get this vibe after just the first few words of their message...and that's the one that just don't come right out and say it by using it as their opening line.

In the famous words of Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, "I know it when I see it."

[Eddiem 139]

On one occassion we looked for a single guy to be in a MFM with us and it worked out great.