Who should pay for the hotel room for a threesome?

[calicpl2002 15]

We have had several mfm threesomes with a friend of hubby's and we have always paid for the hotel room.

 

Then one day hubby says do you think since he is having as much fun as we are that he should help in the cost of the encounters (at least pay for every other room rental)? I thought that sounds like a reasonable request.

 

So hubby poses the question to our friend and he says ok at first. Then when it was time for him to pay for the room on the next encounter, he says, well why do we even rent a room? You guys have a house and so do I. If you guys don't want to do it at your house we can do it at mine.

 

I have a problem with that because I feel more comfortable at a hotel room were both parties can leave at any given time after the encounter (plus it makes me feel more naughty).

 

Then he goes on to say that he didn't know at the start of this that he was going to have to pay for it (implying paying for the pussy) and that if he invited us to dinner he would pay. Therefore, since it is us that is inviting him to play, that we should pay for the room. Yet it is also him that calls my hubby and asks question like - When do I get to taste that sweet wife of yours again?

 

We aren't really sure who this falls on. I guess we feel since he is also having fun that why not share the costs? What do you guys think? Are we wrong in asking this?

[WesternSwing 504]

I don't think it's wrong in asking, after all he is getting a HUGE benefit from this relationship. Common courtesy would dictate that he offers to pay for the room. You two can go home and have sex. He gets to go home and masturbate. Seems like $65 - $100 for a room is a small price to pay once in a while. It doesn't sound like your asking him to pay every time.

 

From your other comments it sounds to me like he is just a cad (it's no wonder he's single). I'd dump him and find another. There are plenty more single males out there that would love to be your third that won't be such an ass.

[midnight hour 16]

I don't think it is unfair to ask for half the money at all...after all your bringing the entertainment actually I would say it would be fair and IMHO just a tad stingy not too...if a hotel room is part of it for you then that makes it all the better...

[two4youinswva 3,068]

calicpl2002 said:

Then he goes on to say that he didn't know at the start of this that he was going to have to pay for it (implying paying for the pussy) and that if he invited us to dinner he would pay. Therefore, since it is us that is inviting him to play, that we should pay for the room. Yet it is also him that calls my hubby and asks question like - When do I get to taste that sweet wife of yours again?

 

We would find these statements to be a huge turn-off. Honestly, after saying things like this, he wouldn't have to worry about paying for anything involving us.

[harleycouple24 15]

I would find me another play partner. He should pay every other time or at least pay half. I am the type person that always asks if I can pay this time or offer to help with the room. I despise to be around freeloaders. and that's what this guy is. Sorry for being so blunt, but we have had people do the same to us over who pays for dinner. You know the type that out fumbles you when it's time to leave a tip.

[ImUrHuckleberry 15]

I guess I'd have to tell the guy to go fuck himself, 'cause he wouldn't be gettin' anymore of my honeys sweet pussy! No offense, but this guy's an ass not to mention an idiot. I agree w/ WesternSwing on the "no wonder he's single" comment.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have to agree AND disagree with the previous responses. I don't think you were wrong to ask him to pay half of the room. But he also has a point, if you both have a house that can be used, and he is offering his place, and you are insisting on a hotel room - then you should pay for the hotel room. If he was not willing to offer his place, then it would be another story.

 

His actions beyond that might determine that you just don't want to play with him again, but that's up to you to decide. I wouldn't care much for this either:

Quote

yet it is also him that calls my hubby and asks question like when do i get to taste that sweet wife of yours again?

and wouldn't be playing with him just based on that as it would be a huge turnoff to have him doing that.

[curiousagain 326]

From a single guy.

 

DUMP HIM!!!

 

Julie hit it on the head.

[RitzAnTitz 15]

This is my own personal opinion...

 

Good Question you posed. When you first got together was it ever discussed as to who would pay for the room. I take it, you've done this a few times and are realizing how overwhelming the cost of a hotel room has become and would like to have him help financially. After all..he is part of the equation, right?

 

Unless the three of you have sat down together and discussed this, then don't expect it. Sounds like you have and he has offered two other ideas to relieve the cost...his place for play or yours. Not a bad suggestion. The assumption is made that you have taken his suggestion under consideration. You have decided you prefer to feel "naughty". You want that additional "naughty" feeling, feel free to pay for it. Just don't ask him to pay if that is the only reason you want to continue to play at a hotel.

 

As for some of the comments he has made...Because the three of you have been engaging in sexual play, he may feel comfortable with your husband in speaking with him in this manner. We don't know the full conversation, as only one statement has been posed here. It may not be in good taste, but we don't know all of the conversation.

 

So, here are the options as I see it: 1. You continue to pay for the hotel in order to have that naughty feeling. 2. You start playing at either your house or his in order to relieve the financial burden. 3. Address the things that have been said that you feel are offensive, kiss, make up or find another playmate.

 

It's that simple.

 

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

As for some of the comments he has made...Because the three of you have been engaging in sexual play, he may feel comfortable with your husband in speaking with him in this mannor. We don't know the full conversation, as only one statement has been posed here. It may not be in good taste, but we don't know all of the conversation.

 

Excellent points all, but especially this one as it is something I think the rest of us really didn't think about. You are right, tho, if they've been playing for a while and he feels comfortable with them it's not that out of line that he may have had that candor with the husband.

 

All in all though, it comes down to - if you aren't comfortable with the guy don't play with him, but don't drop him over not wanting to pay for the hotel room when he's given you other options - and you have CHOSEN not to go with the alternatives.

[tryit2? 15]

OK, my 2 cents worth (and change) LOL Does he pay for the meal any of the time? If he were to take you out to a resturant, (not the golden arches!!) would that take the burden off you paying for the room? It seems he has given a couple other options, that you seem not to wish to do. Maybe a compromise PART OF THE TIME, might be something to consider. Best of luck to you

[calicpl2002 15]

Well, this has actually made me feel worse lol, like we are some kind of poor and cheap people. It has nothing to do with the cost being a burden, it is the principle of it.

 

We have always paid for everything from dinner to the room, which is not a problem. We just felt that if it was the other way a round that we would feel privileged to be invited and to pick up a tab every now and then, but that's just us. This is a bit irritating but never the less we have a good time with him and he is in fact a great lay (lol good for me) and I hate to give up the chemistry and the comfortable feeling we have with him.

 

So although this is a bump in the road, I do thank you all for your opinions. I think we should just ride this one out. Besides two great cocks far outweighs a few bucks imho lol. But this situation does still need to be evaluated. Thank you all for you opinions.

[Fernando 15]

I'm a single man and the only time I've been with a couple to a motel (the rest were in swinger clubs) I paid for the room. They didn't ask me to but I did, and I recall the husband being surprised and said something like, "eh look at this, he's paying, the last guy didn't offer to do this" or something similar, so I really think the single man should pay. If you guys can pay the room every once in a while great, but at least 80% of the time its up to the single guy, really, so that's my opinion.

[Spoomonkey 421]

calicpl2002 said:

we have always paid for everything from dinner to the room, which is not a problem.

 

You buy his dinner???

 

 

He is a very fortunate fella...

 

We have a rule that we don't let our swinger friends pick up the tab - we don't like the feeling of obligation afterwards. Sure, there does come a time in the friendship when the mysterious line between friend and swinger is crossed and the one or the other may pick up the tab here and there - as friends...

 

But even if we were with vanilla friends and they constantly stuck us with the tab, we'd encourage them to "adjust". There is no way in hell we'd pick up the tab every time we went out to dinner with friends.

 

If you play regularly - and a hotel is your play place of choice - simply tell him you need him to carry his weight a bit (for the love of god, at least let him buy his own supper). If he balks, then move on. My guess is, he'll probably get the message when you DON'T slip him the room key next time...

[Alura 2,774]

Quote

 

Calicpl wrote:

 

...well then he goes on to say that he didn't know at the start of this that he was going to have to pay for it (implying paying for the pussy)...

 

 

We've not played with single men, but this attitude would cause us to dump anybody, male, female or couple. Anyone who would insinuate my wife is a whore would never touch her body again.

[cobracpl 15]

We think the cost should be shared or paid by the single guy. What a special gift you have given him, and he has done nothing but take. But it sounds like you aren't or wouldn't give him up anyway, but you should look for another 2nd cock which you may find is as satisfying as this one, and also willing to share the costs. That way you won't see him as often and then the cost of playing with him goes down until you are weened from him completely.

[myhw4u 30]

We've read several of the threads relating to who should pay for dinner/hotel/etc. My wife and I have mixed feelings on who should pay for the different parts of the evening, but we both agree it should be arranged before hand.

 

We have recently run into a string of single guys who are willing to pay for virtually everything, our sitter, dinner, after dinner activities, hotel room....etc. We would love to take advantage of such offerings. However we have not because we feel we will be taking advantage of the single guy and then there is that pesky feeling of obligation.

 

Any advice on how to handle this situation?

[midnightplayer 135]

Agree to pay for some, let him pay the hotel and dinner, but you pay the sitter and it should be a fair arrangement. If you feel obligated pay the tip for the dinner

[ANGEDKY(mr) 100]

We have recently run into a string of single guys who are willing to pay for virtually everything, our sitter, dinner, after dinner activities, hotel room....etc

 

Sounds like a cry of desperation to me, but I'm twisted like that.

 

As to your question, why not a simple "We'll pick up X and if everything clicks, you grab the Y bill, that cool with you?" and then handle things like drinks seperately. (maybe cash/ per drink -whatever just so the other party doesn't tank your bill )

[cocpl2007 170]

50-50 is the ONLY way to go with us! Of course we do not play with or have any interest in single males, so perhaps our response misses the mark.

[two42lovers 273]

When we play with a new single guy these days we tend to invite him to our home, or play at his, but in the past we weren't comfortable inviting a new-to-us guy to our home.

 

The first play-time needed to be in a hotel. We expected him to host - i.e. provide the place to play. Next time (if there was a next time) we'd offer to host at our house (but we'd never tell him that.)

 

We figured the only reason a hotel was needed is so he could join in, and if he didn't want to provide a room to do it in, we'd decline to meet. The room was no guarantee we'd play, by any means. He didn't need to get a room until the three of us met, and we agreed to accept his invitation to play. There was no obligation or expectation beyond meeting.

 

No single guy ever batted an eye at paying for a hotel. They've all invariably wanted to pay for drinks when we met at the bar, too. We didn't just assume about the room. Before we'd agree to meet, we'd ask if he was willing to get a hotel room to host in. If he wasn't, we'd decline.

[myhw4u 30]

Sounds like a cry of desperation to me, but I'm twisted like that.

 

Trust me, we thought the exact same thing! lol

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Obligation - would be the key thing there for me. What if he pays for everything then you don't click or something happens and NOTHING happens (or rather you want nothing to happen), are you going to feel obliged to have sex with him since he already put out so much money?

 

Even as a single, I payed my way with single guys, or at least alternated who paid if it was a repeated thing for that very reason.

 

I say treat it just as you would another couple.

[myhw4u 30]

The first play-time needed to be in a hotel. We expected him to host - i.e. provide the place to play. Next time (if there was a next time) we'd offer to host at our house (but we'd never tell him that.)

 

I'm glad we're not the only couple with "hidden rules", lol. Like we never play on the first date...

 

We figured the only reason a hotel was needed is so he could join in, and if he didn't want to provide a room to do it in, we'd decline to meet. The room was no guarantee we'd play, by any means. He didn't need to get a room until the three of us met, and we agreed to accept his invitation to play. There was no obligation or expectation beyond meeting.

 

No single guy ever batted an eye at paying for a hotel. They've all invariably wanted to pay for drinks when we met at the bar, too. We didn't just assume about the room. Before we'd agree to meet, we'd ask if he was willing to get a hotel room to host in. If he wasn't, we'd decline.

 

It all makes so much more sense when someone else explains it instead of you trying to justify it to yourself, lol. We've had guys want us to drive 100 miles (round trip) buy dinner and a hotel room for a couple hours of fun. Then we'd have to drive home and pay the sitter. To us that is a lot of expense just to have some guy enjoy my wife. On the flip side, we have out of town guys willing to pay the sitter and cover all the expenses for the night for the same enjoyment. There is something fundamentally wrong with that picture, lol.

[myhw4u 30]

Obligation - would be the key thing there for me. What if he pays for everything then you don't click or something happens and NOTHING happens (or rather you want nothing to happen), are you going to feel obliged to have sex with him since he already put out so much money?

 

When guys have asked B (better than saying my wife all the time) out, she's let them buy her drinks, they always meet knowing to expect nothing beyond a drink and maybe a game or two of pool. We have usually paid for dinner just because I think it would be odd to have separate checks.

[NumbskullsX2 24]

We have recently run into a string of single guys who are willing to pay for virtually everything, our sitter, dinner, after dinner activities, hotel room....etc. We would love to take advantage of such offerings. However we have not because we feel we will be taking advantage of the single guy and then there is that pesky feeling of obligation.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to pay for drinks, dinner, and a room (if it goes that far) since they'd be paying for all of that if they were going on a date with a single woman. The expense for the sitter should be yours alone, since the guy wasn't part of the "fun" you had making the baby.

 

We had one guy contact us who was all into this "I want to please you both, I'm all into pleasing couples, let's meet for drinks and dinner and see where it goes, etc etc" But when I told him we'd consider his offer of dinner, he starts back-peddling. "OK, I'll buy the first round of drinks, and we'll split the dinner and the cost of the room, yada-yada" So I said fine, since you're so into "splitting things down the middle", how about we split ourselves too, and you can have dinner with me (the husband) alone "and we'll see where it goes". He didn't seem to excited about that.

 

Cheap bastard. No wonder he's single.

[Thron&Thor 117]

Take the overhead costs (gas, car payments, car & health insurance, plastic surgery, teeth whitening, baby sitter, condoms, lube, etc.) out of the picture and the event costs (dinner, drinks, tips, door charges, etc.) should be "dutch". Only the cost of any required accommodations to do the deed(hotel room, limo backseat rental, gas for the plane or boat, cabin rental, private theater booth, etc.) should be equally split between the parties not the individuals (per capita).

 

Keep the balance with the monies and you keep the balance of the fun. When everyone goes home minus the same amount of cash, then everyone tends to remain friends later. When free dinner & drinks are the reward some will moan as you need to hear to keep the grattis going with each stroke to pillage your wallet the next time.

 

And not everyone has the disposal income of some, so each person's pride is preserved with a little dignity of paying their own way.

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

Great question! And one we often get from new swingers.

 

Our rules of thumb are:

 

* A single guy, he picks up the motel room. We make very few exceptions to that. HOWEVER, to avoid any feeling of obligation, if it's the first time with a guy, we recommend he not get the room until after we've met and everyone agrees they want to play.

 

* When it's a couple, either we pay for the room or -- if they already have -- we offer to split it with them. Some accept our offer; some don't.

 

* For single women, we get the room.

 

* For L's gangbangs, we get the room. We appreciate folks tossing a few bucks into the hat to help defray the cost, but no contribution is required. We go into it assuming we'll bear the full cost. A small price to pay for the thrill she gets of being the center of attention of -- and wearing out -- a group of horny guys.

 

* When we attend a gangbang or party someone else is hosting, we chip in to defray their costs.

 

We know this isn't necessarily what all other couples will want to do, but it works for us. Most folks we've played with have been comfortable with our guidelines.

[JTcamp05 9]

Good question.....

 

If the single man are offering to pay, to me that shows that they are respectful, you need not accept if your uncomfortable, but at least they are offering, I think it shows some class, you must be attracting good people.....

[Mr.Essex 264]

I've always been partial to paying for the night, if I'm the person who's making the advances. After the first few dates, however, I do appreciate some reciprocity.

[doublebed 15]

Hi all,

 

My partner and I are planning to take a double bed hotel room in a city we're going to visit. Turns out we might have a threesome there with a person we found. I was wondering about the etiquette.

 

First, my partner does not want the other person to stay over night, as in actually sleep with us. Secondly, I've only paid for a double bed.

 

Is it better to sneak in the other person as a guest (not even sure if that's ok), since there won't actually be any sleeping, or do I somehow pay for a third person? In any case we would be arriving after midnight.

 

Thanks for any advice.

[spicylife42 31]

The third person I would think would only be there for a "visit" and I would not think any extra payment would be required.

 

In your chats with this person are the local...or are they also coming from out of town. Just be honesty and tell them after play time is over your and your partner enjoy some time alone.

[VegasLee 1,486]

You should not have to "sneak" anyone into your room.

 

As long as they are not staying the night you are allowed to have guests visit you in your room.

 

I would be sure your "guest" knows you have no intention of them spending the night ahead of time.

 

Bringing someone to your room after midnight, playing for a hour or so many would think they would get to stay and sleep.

[SecretAsianMan 348]

The etiquette would have to be worked out between y'all and the third party that you're bringing to play with y'all.

 

... for example, if I was the third and I had to travel any significant distance to play with y'all, I would at least ask about accomodations for the night (especially if I was arriving after midnight).

 

Talk to your third and find out what they'd like ... and see how well that meshes with the desires of y'all as a couple. Most of the time, they will be pretty accomodating.

 

And I agree... there's no need to "sneak" someone into your room - guests are generally allowed to visit any place I've ever stayed at. The hotel / motel does not ever need to get involved in your business.

[doublebed 15]

Thank you for your answers!

[vegaskid 7]

Ya, just like swinging, share and share alike

[MN Tom 251]

We typically split the costs as much as possible.

 

If I'm (mr) taking a gal out, Ill pay the dinner, although some gals wont allow that (my wife wont either), so they pay half. When my wife goes out with a guy, she always insists on paying half of dinner. Most guys attempt to pay, but she wont accept it (unless it's nothing like $5 or whatever).

 

As a couple with another couple, it's always split. I dont see anything chivalrous about one couple paying for another, to me that would feel funny, and it wouldnt work.

 

When it comes to bigger costs like hotels it varies. For her, it depends on if the guy insists on a hotel or is open to his house or ours. We prefer homes over hotels, and we've used our home (or the other persons home) far more often than we've used a hotel.

[Guest sandraandalex]

Okay, étiquette rules indicate that if you don't want obligations, you pay what is yours. That means, the babysitter, your meals, etc. Of course you don't want to be too serious and if one or the other offers to pay for a bottle of wine, fine, you don't want to get bogged down in too many semantics.

 

It's one of those things, you have to accept that things cost money. In the case of a hotel, you can always say,"We're happy to get the room, unless you feel better chipping in." It always leaves things open. There's no single or perfect way to handle this, other than to act like adults.

[angelkin 1,326]

If meeting a single male, we typically pick up the drinks (rarely do dinner on a meet), but do appreciate if he is able to host either at his home or a hotel room. If there is a second meeting, we will be likely to invite him to our home.

 

We have have a business traveler friend and have no qualms about enjoying the hotel room his company is providing for him.

 

If the tables are turned and we are meeting a single lady, we are happy to pay for drinks and/or dinner as well as a hotel room. If there is a second meeting, same deal, we will invite her to our home.