Some Thoughts About Swinging and Race

[BiDrywallChick 18]

Ok, I think I have the gist of the thread and it is interesting to say the least. I can't help but adding my dollar's worth.

 

We are an interracial couple. My husband is native american and I am, well, speckled. We have never used race as an elimination for someone to swing with, however, we have used other things that some people feel just as strongly about (weight, socio-economic background, health and hygiene, etc), all things that everyone feels differently about.

 

That being said, nothing has ever been set in stone as a completely off limits (with the exception of diseases and most illicit drugs). When I read the original post, my first thoughts were that Sheryl wasn't racist but was simply tired of being disappointed. Perhaps its true that she had such bad experiences before with white men that she was setting up any other encounter with a white man to be doomed from the start. The why simply shouldn't be an issue right now.

 

If it isn't going to be enjoyable for you, you don't do it. My favorite phrase is "if it is going to be a waste of make up, don't bother". So, for her eliminating the disappointment is solved by eliminating the race factor. Nowhere did I see that she was eliminating white people as a whole, just in the swing. Just because you are friends with someone doesn't mean that you have to swing with them. Doesn't make you racist... just makes you smart to take care of what gets you your "O".

 

Enough of my rambling. I am sure that I made no sense at all...

[JnCC 24]

I really don't see what Greg's alleged issues (since this was an assumption) has to do with Cheryl not wanting to have sex with white men. SHE made the decision, SHE is the one who made the comments, and from Greg's point of view, it has made it more difficult to hook up with couples.

The issue isn't whether Cheryl chooses to swing with white males or not. What I don't understand, and where I feel the original post became racist and inflammatory, was when Greg used the word "because..."

 

"Sheryl finally decided to stop swinging with white men..." No problem. We'll just have to find some way to survive without her.

 

"Sheryl finally decided to stop swinging with white men because they have consistently underperformed in bed." Problem! By any measure, that statement is racist, inflammatory, and totally uncalled for. The original post should have been edited, or pulled altogether.

 

There are more couples that "choose" not to swing with black men than there are who "choose" not to swing with white ones. What I have never seen (and hope never to see) is a white-couples profile that says "We choose not to play outside our race, because...blacks have consistently higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases," or "because...white males almost never steal things from her purse." That kind of shit has no place in a public forum, and I would say so to a white man as fast as I would say it to a black one. (Probably faster, since the white one would be making MY race look like a bunch of jive-ass crackers)

 

I think Greg was stating Cheryl's position, not something he necessarily believed himself.

That is good to hear. I don't have any particular feelings about it one way or another, but I have a "friend" who says there are people called "cyber-trolls" on the internet. My "friend" says that they're people who want to insult others without being blamed for the trouble they start, so they do it by manufacturing "quotations" which they attribute to somebody else. That way, they can say, "don't blame me, SHE'S the one that said it!" I'm certainly glad that wasn't the case here...

 

I think JnCC's post shows that someone has some serious issues, but I don't think it's Greg

Welllllllll, if it's not Gregggg, it must be meeee, right?

 

I (along with a female friend), am currently a member of 2 of the 4 local swing clubs. Both are integrated, one (DSSC) very much so. We've made friends of all ages and colors at both clubs. In addition, I am the active, and occasional, "third" to a mixed race couple (he's black, she's white). I'm sure that the female half of this couple could reassure "Cheryl" that the problems her men seem to have getting erections must be due to some factor other than race.

 

According to my little "post counter," I've made almost 200 contributions to this forum. I challenge anybody to find ONE in which I've indicated that...

 

Race is, or should be, a factor in who we swing with...

 

Race is a factor in how a person performs in the bedroom...

 

Race is a factor in "making a virtual career out of being the 'big cock' for the 'horny wives' of another race..."

 

"Issues?" Yea, I have "issues," the biggest being that some people would like to bring their racist bullshit into our lifestyle.

[Alura 2,774]

I, too, doubt that it is race that causes the white men to not be able to "perform," although I have no idea what might be the cause.

 

I once met a white woman who refused to date anyone except black men. She admitted it was a form of prejudice but said she didn't care.

 

I would never presume to suggest that JnCC not post his true thoughts and feelings. I would, however, suggest he might read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

[JnCC 24]

I would never presume to suggest that JnCC not post his true thoughts and feelings. I would, however, suggest he might read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

Read it! Twice, in fact.

 

Unfortunately, it doesn't cover situations where you don't really want the other person as a "friend," and you know in your heart you'll never pull their head out of their ass...

[Alura 2,774]

Quote

JnCC wrote:

 

...you know in your heart you'll never pull their head out of their ass.

 

I know exactly what you mean, JcCC.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Cheryl and Greg, I apologize for hijacking the post...

 

JnCC,

I was not calling you a racist at any point in my previous post, so it's not necessary to give examples of how culturally respectful you are, or how many black friends you have, etc. However, since you seem to be so interested in proving how un-racist you are, and how you are so interested in making sure no one is descriminated against, I thought I'd respond to what concerned me in your initial post and led me to believe that you in fact do have some "issues".

 

What I gathered from your post, was that you felt it was a personal afront and needed to attack back. When Greg said because, he was stating Cheryl's reason for not wanting to play with white men. Just because that's her reason doesn't mean it's true overall...it's just true in HER world. I think that's not the case in most people's worlds, so I don't think there's a need to censor the statements. What I was responding to was the way in which I felt you attacked Greg and Cheryl for stating what their situation was and how they arrived at the decision that they've made for themselves. It's not that I agree with their position; in fact, I completely disagree, but I feel that it's their decision to make and since they stated their position in a non-hostile, non-threatening, non-hateful way, I think it's quite valid, and should be a topic that can be talked about amoung rational adults in a rational, calm, thoughtful way.

 

 

What I thought was offensive was your need to imply that Cheryl was unattractive or somehow lower than white women that prefer white men:

 

Since you're looking solely at race to explain why she's having problems attracting white men but not black ones, has it occured to either of you that the reason could be that white men have certain "standards" that must be met for sex to occur

 

What standards would those be?

 

This one's a doozy too. So, you mean that if they would consider sex with a black man, the woman's unattractive to you?

 

If I detect even the slightest "whiff" of jungle-fever in a female or a couple, even my stupid dick loses any interest I had in having sex with her.

 

Does this include the wife of this interracial couple you "third" in all the time? Seems a bit contridictory to me that you won't play with those with "jungle fever" yet say you do so all the time. Is she full of self-loathing? I thought that wasn't attractive to you....

 

And this one's my favorite:

 

Your conclusion is only one of several that could be drawn, although it still doesn't account for why there are so many more white people on the face of the earth than black ones, or why so many young, professional black women are listing "white/caucasion" as a preference on the vanilla dating services.

 

Actually, you should check your stats, because white people are a minority on the earth. Whites may be a majority in the US, but in the world, there are far more people of color than whites. Kinda shoots a hole in the conclusion you were trying to draw. And, as far as what black women want, I'd love to hear more. Can I conclude that you have done the scientific research to determine that young, black professional women yearn for white men? I need to tell my pediatrician cousin and my high school counselor friend to drop the black men that they're dating pronto! And good thing I "crossed over" before the research came out. There might have been a run on white guys!! (I apologize, we black women can be sarcastic at times

 

"Issues?" Yea, I have "issues," the biggest being that some people would like to bring their racist bullshit into our lifestyle

 

Others may bring it in, but please be aware your own comments keep it alive and well. I probably would have never replied to either of your posts, but nothing bothers me more than those who claim to be the most open-minded, but through words and actions, communicate that they harbor the exact opposite sentiments in their heart.

 

Pepper

[DBL D 120]

Well...back to the thread. Sorry I'm so late in giving my two cents worth.

 

This is a touchy subject, but not because of race. IMHO. It's because her decision has changed your prospects. You may now feel quite limited and maybe it bothers you that she has the right to limit things for you even though she is getting exactly what she wants.

 

This is so difficult if you like to play the field but also have rules that prevent you from playing separately from each other. Damn rules again. Maybe she would be willing to allow you the freedom to be with who you want and she can stick with the BBC's. Something has to give or I'd lose interest in things fast.

 

Male D

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

Well...back to the thread. Sorry I'm so late in giving my two cents worth.

No problem...we're actually quite happy to get back to the thread!

This is a touchy subject, but not because of race. IMHO. It's because her decision has changed your prospects. You may now feel quite limited and it bothers you that she has the right to limit things for you even though she is getting exactly what she wants.

 

This is so difficult if you like to play the field but also have rules that prevent you from playing separately from each other. Damn rules again. Maybe she would be willing to allow you the freedom to be with who you want and she can stick with the BBC's. Something has to give or I'd lose interest in things fast.

There isn't any desire to "play the field" on Greg's part. In fact, we both believe that the lifestyle is something that is meant to be shared, so neither of us are interested in playing solo or "getting" what we what. While it is disappointing for Greg to have to turn down white couples purely because of race, he is resigned to helping Sheryl find the black and interracial couples she desires.

 

However, there is one circumstance under which Greg might play with a women who is married to a white man. Although it's rare, we will occasionally find ourselves playing in separate rooms at a large party or in a club setting. That is the only circumstance under which we will swing with playmates who aren't attached to one another. In that sense, we do allow each other a limited amount of the "freedom" you suggested.

[DBL D 120]

...In fact, we both believe that the lifestyle is something that is meant to be shared, so neither of us are interested in playing solo or "getting" what we what.... he is resigned to helping Sheryl find the black and interracial couples she desires..

 

As long as Greg is resigned to helping Cheryl, I guess everybody will be happy right. Well, I couldn't be resigned to something that made me feel less than satisfied with it all. I also believe that it is about sharing, BTW.

 

 

...However, there is one circumstance under which Greg might play with a women who is married to a white man. Although it's rare, we will occasionally find ourselves playing in separate rooms at a large party or in a club setting. That is the only circumstance under which we will swing with playmates who aren't attached to one another. In that sense, we do allow each other a limited amount of the "freedom" you suggested.

 

If Greg has this freedom then I'm not sure what the concern is. Now I'm confused. Oh Well!

 

Male D

[Greg & Sheryl 368]

If Greg has this freedom then I'm not sure what the concern is. Now I'm confused. Oh Well!

We really don't define that as "freedom." That is a rare occurrence that only happens spontaneously under unusual circumstances (only once in the past three years, long before Sheryl made her race-based decision). When we are seeking playmates, we always present ourselves as a couple to other couples. We don't set out to be free agents.

[JnCC 24]

I was not calling you a racist at any point in my previous post...[but]...I thought I'd respond to what concerned me in your initial post and led me to believe that you in fact do have some "issues"

I know you didn't. But if the "issues" were not ones that concerned matters of race, then what were you implying?

 

The only reason I mentioned my affiliations with people of other races was because you seemed concerned that my "issues" were ones of "skin color," not of "racial bigotry, irrespective of skin color".

 

What I gathered from your post, was that you felt it was a personal afront and needed to attack back.

Yes, because that's how it works. When a person makes a statement attacking an entire race (white males, in this case), he is attacking each and every member of that group. I'm a white male, therefore, it was a personal afront. It was my fight. He didn't need to list us "by name" for it to be an attack upon each of us individually.

 

What I thought was offensive was your need to imply that Cheryl was unattractive or somehow lower than white women that prefer white men (italics added)

I don't know what Cheryl's problem is, I don't care, and if I implied otherwise I am hereby making an apology. She may be a charming, sexy, stunningly beautiful woman for all I know. But it should be obvious that if 60% of the white males she is meeting are "having a hard time maintaining erections," and 60% of the white males the rest of us are meeting AREN'T, the problem can't be with "white males" per se. What else could it be?

 

Are 60% of them gay?

 

Are 60% of them stinking drunk? Why is that?

 

Is there a bad batch of Viagra going around the Denver area?

 

All I know is it's not because they're white. To publically defame an entire race based on that alone is racism, and although I'm sad to see that Cheryl is racist, I'm glad that Greg is not. Nope...he's just telling us what she says...

 

Seems a bit contridictory to me that you won't play with those with "jungle fever" yet say you do so all the time. Is she full of self-loathing? I thought that wasn't attractive to you....

Well, it's not "all the time"...it's whenever all of our schedules coincide with our desires. They live some distance away, so maybe once or twice a year would be more like it.

 

I've never sensed any "self-loathing" on her part. Taken alone or together, they're interesting people, and seem well-suited to one another.

 

Let's not get too hung up on terms here. "Jungle Fever," to me, means a distinct preference for interracial sex. That is, a person for whom race is the overriding factor when choosing a partner. White men get it too. Apparently "Greg" feels the same way about it, as he remarked in one of his posts that he doesn't like people who choose them for just his color, either.

 

We all have preferences. One of mine is to "be with people who want to be with people like me" When I meet a woman who prefers to be with someone of another race, age, body-type, or whatever, I don't put a whole lot of effort into trying to become intimate with her, even if it's possible that I might. If, by being with me, she feels she's "taking one for the team," then I feel like I'M "taking one for the team" also, and it shows in how much effort I take in trying to please her.

 

As somebody else pointed out, that may be the real problem that Cheryl's having finding white males that will "stick around 'till the job's done"

 

Actually, you should check your stats, because white people are a minority on the earth. Whites may be a majority in the US, but in the world, there are far more people of color than whites.

And you should check your quotes, because I never said whites were a majority in the world population. What I said was that they outnumbered blacks in the world. There are almost as many Asians as all other races combined.

 

And they're all buying cars and moving to L.A...

 

as far as what black women want, I'd love to hear more. Can I conclude that you have done the scientific research to determine that young, black professional women yearn for white men?

Hell NO! I spent 9 years trying to figure out what ONE woman wanted, and in the end, I still didn't know. I'm not sure any man ever does. But unlike Cheryl, I'm not ready to take on an entire race and gender based on my limited experiences with same.

 

I based the statement purely on my own experience. In the 70's, I dated 3 black women. (I'm not "trying to prove how un-racist I am," just stating a fact. The decade was 10 years long, and there were only 3) In each case, we had to go to great lengths to make sure that their family and friends weren't aware that she was dating a white man. That meant meeting in parking lots, staying away from their favorite clubs and restaurants, etc.

 

Things are very different now. If you go to any of the vanilla dating sites, there are a number of black women who list "white/caucasion" as their first or second preference when looking for a mate. I see it in the bars and clubs as well. Maybe it's a backlash against all the "BM/WF" stuff of the 80's. I don't know, and don't care. All I know is that they don't make fun of the way I dance, I don't make fun of the way they talk, and some of 'em are pretty nice. "It's all good," as they say...

 

I probably would have never replied to either of your posts, but nothing bothers me more than those who claim to be the most open-minded, but through words and actions, communicate that they harbor the exact opposite sentiments in their heart.

I agree with you, which is why I took such offense at not so much the words, but the tone of his original post and his subsequent follow-ups to it. I'm taking the time to respond to yours because it is upfront, and raises the same issues as Greg but withOUT the bigotry and negative racial overtones of his posts. That is very much appreciated.

 

Others may bring it in, but please be aware your own comments keep it alive and well

I can see that as well. This thread began in the gutter, and went downhill from there, which is why this will be my last post to this topic. If somebody wants to take it up in PM, that's fine. Otherwise, I am outta here....

 

Look what the sun's done, to me...

Looks like there's no fun, for me...

Why must all the boys act so shy?

I have guessed the reason why...

I may be as brown as a berry,

But that's only secondary,

You can't tell the difference after dark

 

Alberta Hunter (1896-1984)

Blues singer

[JimWActg 15]

I can't fathom why anyone would want to limit the scope of what is possible by loudly proclaiming such a specific preference?

 

All of us have either personality or physical traits that we know we like but have we had so much experience that we have defined what we don't like down to that point. I can only answer no for myself, but I think that it is really true for all of us.

 

As my wife already said in this thread we try to hold to a "never, say never, just not right now" theory, not only in the lifestyle, but in everything.

 

Not only am I incapable of judging the book by its cover, sometimes it takes several reads before I realize what a good book it is!

[curiousagain 326]

Greg finds this decision to be downright racist,

 

 

The refusal to see the problem is you and to always lay the blame at the feet of another person is called avoidance, denial, transferrance, and a few other names.

The refusal to see the problem is you and to always lay the blame at the feet of another race is called racism.

 

Gregg, I'm going to have to agree with ya there.

 

I could copy/paste a lot of other things from this thread and/or your site, but you know, that would take time, and no matter how much money you have, you only have so much time. I won't be spending any more of mine with this thread.

 

Good luck to both of you in your endeavors, internet or otherwise.

[hilltop 16]

Sheryl's preference is not racism. It's about preference and the characteristics of a certain type person that makes for the best lover. We all have different views on what we are attracted to.

 

I dated a Hawaiian woman for a number of months (the MOST passionate lover I've ever had!) and since then I've had a preference for darker skinned women. There is something so erotic and exotic about their beauty. I'm also fond of blue eyed brunettes. Given my druthers, I'd choose first from those two types. That doesn't mean I think any less of any one else.

 

I agree with the other posts that Sheryl and Greg's situation will limit who they can connect with but it seems that they've found a work around for it. Just stay honest with each other and work towards your mutual joy.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think I've said this before - but Sheryl's preference is based on race. It would be easy to slide that definition to "racism", but why? What's the point? The whole issue of black men being better than white men in bed is a bunch of stereotypical bullshit.

 

I am not offended - as a white man - by Sheryl's preference. I simply accept it, as I am sure she would accept the preferences that I have that would make her lack of interest in this white guy very much a non-issue.

 

To be honest, people chose to be offended or not. I am not offended because I have never felt inferior or superior to a man because of the color of his skin. I can make a woman scream just as loud as someone with more melanin (pigmentation) in their skin. I am fairly well hung and have a pretty damn good technique in the sack. I am pretty sure of myself - and maybe that is arrogance, but at least it is honest.

 

The shame of it is that we have allowed, directly or subconsciously, to allow race to make a man what he is. And, if Sheryl chooses men solely on the color of their skin, then, yes, she is a racist - no different than any other racist in the world. But - she has the right to choose that.

 

The rest of us have the ability to understand that all men ARE created equal. And a few of us can prove it

[Cr8tivecpl 15]

Be it known that I am not attacking LM here...I just found her (their) remarks were a good place for me to comment...

 

Quote

Thank you for answering my questions.

It is unfortunate that more than half the white men you've played with have these two problems.

It is unfortunate indeed but, at the risk of fueling some stereotype, it is not the first time that I have heard a comment of this nature. Those of you who recognize my username also will remember that I had a girlfriend (who was white) with whom I used to swing. She used to make statements similar to those of Sheryl. Like Greg, it got to be very awkward if I came across a couple that might be appealing but the guy was white...most times she wasn't in favor of it. Eventually, we did meet a few couples by accident, at parties or at clubs. In total, there were three couples - one of which we both (separately) still play with from time to time.

 

Quote

Do you think they feel threatened by Greg being black? Maybe these white men think they won't satisfy you as much as a Greg and, as a result, their thinking hinders their performance.

I can't speak for the guys with whom Sheryl has had a bad experience but I can speak from my own experience. It has been about security, performance anxiety, hair-triggers...all kinds of, pardon the expression, shit. It takes a hell of a man to be willing to share his wife with another man. In a world where performance counts and failure is a death nell, you need to have your psyche on right and your male ego on straight...i.e. you need to be very sure and confident of who and what you are - as well as safe and secure in your own personal perceptions (real and imagined) of your capabilities as a male. If you aren't you will be fucked (literally...no...figuratively...a most definite yes).

 

Our society is so screwed up with race and sex that it has gotten to a point where it permeates our everyday lives. It's in our TV shows, commercials, movies and our music...not to mention how it influences the (pop) cultural aspects of our lives...

 

Quote

Possibly this is an issue for many white-woman-with-black-man couples.

As far as the swinging lifestyle is considered, I would have to say there is a good chance. In some cases it may be and then in others it may not. In my own case it was indicative of the woman that I was with...she loved Black men and liked sex with very few white men. I have been involved in interracial relationships at one level or another for most of my adult life and one thing has been clear in almost every case. What I have encountered for the most part, based upon their experiences, in almost every situation, it has been about preference. The reasons for the preferences are as varied as the hues of their skins and the tones in the colors of their hair.

 

So...in the end what I am saying is that preference is a comfort zone. Usually, it is predicated on needs, desires, wants, and experience - all different and all unique. Hell, isn't that why we got into swinging in the first place...to satisfy some need, desire, want or fantasy...that will bring about some preferred experience?

 

O.K. I'm done... Surrender Surrender Surrender

[Cr8tivecpl 15]

One more thing...

 

Y'all need to get offa Sheryl's case. I am gonna be real blunt here and if it gets me kicked or booted off the site...then so be it. Who in the f%$k are we to tell another where they need to place their priorities or proclivities when it comes to receiving one between their legs. First off, they ain't your legs. Secondly, they are Sheryl's and it is her decision. Thirdly, where do any of us get off telling someone else that if we exclude a group of folks (in this case White men) that we are depriving ourselves or, we are missing out...WTF!!! Let me be the Devil's Advocate here for a sec...How many of you here prefer not to play with other minorities of one type or another...Black...Asian...Indian...East Indian...Bisexual...whatever...among those of you who answered yes....how many of you never attempted it? Don't answer, the question is rhetorical. My point is this...if I told you that you need to experience it or that just because it ain't your preference (right now or ever) then, you have some "ism" with a negative aura about it...you would be indignant and huffy and spouting off "how dare you imply" all over the place.

 

Let he (she) who has not sinned cast the first stone.

[midnight hour 16]

I don't exactly take Sheryl's answer as racist...but it is what turns her motor on...the same way some men rev up for a blonde or a redhead...

If it don't turn you on...then you won't have fun..and that defeats the purpose...

 

I have no sexual desire to be with a black man, that in no way makes me racist. I also do not like real skinny white men...or men that are built like rocks...none of these men white/black/purple do anything for me at all. I might like to and most often do like to talk and laugh with these men because their minds and personality has NOTHING to do with their body type, but for me to try to force myself into a sexual need for them would be unfair to them. I would not like to be with someone who was forcing themselves to be with me, make sense?

 

My brother from living in Asia for about 18 years now is only attracted to Asian women...before it was small petite blondes...lol...I don't think that makes him racist, it is what makes him happy...big difference...

 

If Sheryl is more comfortable with black men, that is her personal turn-on. If I find out I think most people do have a preference for what floats their boat.

 

If you can be friends with people of other races, you IMHO are not racist. If you go out of your way to avoid at all costs a different color or nationality...I would think you are a racist.

[curious_two 15]

Well, just my two cents. My girlfriend is attracted to both white and black men, hispanics less so and asians not at all. Thats just how she is wired. However we will probably never invite a black man or woman into our bed without std-free paperwork. The rates of STD infection (HIV in particular) is just so much higher in the african american community that it is pretty much a deal killer for us. The though of std infection is scary enough without multiplying the risk many times over.

 

Theres nothing racist here, she likes black guys. I once spent a year backpacking in Africa (where it is obviously much much worse std wise) and had many opportunities with locals that obviously I couldnt take advantage of for health risk reasons. Its amazing how many tourists and backpackers I met who were taking advantage of the local opportunities in countries where over half the population has HIV.

 

Obviously african americans have far lower rates of infection that african africans but the trend is still there.

[Mr.Hyde69 16]

Putting on my best asbestos three piece....

 

I'm going to say what some of you have probably thought but were afraid to speak aloud.

 

Despite the extent we have bridged the gap there are still noticeable differences between the white culture and the black culture on average. Yes, there are great number of people who do not necessarily fit into their racial box, but if everyone would be honest with themselves you know what I'm saying is right. This is also true concerning the particular tastes and preferences that are often accepted and promoted within them.

 

Black men on average are far more tolerant of women carrying around a little extra padding than white men in general. Yes, you have white guys who like big girls but it is not nearly as acceptable of a preference among the white community as a whole. It is no secret that a lot of black men don't mind being with a woman with a significant amount of meat on their bones. Watch 10 black comics and count how many references are made to this particular phenomenon when the topic of females come up. If that doesn't do it for you just go to the mall with intact retinas and tell me otherwise. If anything it points out a more accepting attitude that is prevalent in the black community regarding this particular attribute.

 

From Sheryl and Greg's avatar alone, I can tell by her picture that she is not exactly petite just by her facial shot alone.

 

And before any body accuses me of stereotyping don't bother... We all stereotype, good and bad to some degree. It's human. As far as me being a racist. You won't find a less racist guy on the planet. I won't insult the black people on this board by trying to invoke the token black friend/girl friend card white people feel they have to do any time that race is mentioned. I'm actually what I say I am and do not feel the need.

 

The one thing that does bother me is it always sends a big red flag up in the issue department whenever I see someone who will only exclusively be with someone that is not of their race. To me that signals issues of a far deeper nature than sexual preference. We have all seem folks with race identity issues. You know... white guy,with a dew rag trying to talk like he's from the hood in such an exaggerated manner you can't hardly keep a straight face who only dates black girls who thinks he's from the street even though he was raised in a semi-posh middle class suburb in a cul de sac.He wasn't always that way but at some point it happened.

 

Just because we are all trying to get along does not mean we have to be insultingly blind to our differences. It's the distinctive differences that make each culture great in it's own authentic way.

 

And by the way I purposely did not use the word African American. I'm personally one of those people who believe that we are all just Americans. We just come in different colors. Plus,anyone who actually has black friends knows that unless you are formally addressing a race issue in a public forum that the use of that word alone usually indicates that they really don't have any. My black friends call me the N word half the time. When are people going to quit treating race like it's a live grenade. That is the very thing that can actually make it one.

[Chicup 41]

Interesting thread. Yes Sheryl is a racist when it comes to sex but I think the important issue here is who cares?

 

Most of us have our likes and dislikes when it comes to sex and wether its due to hair, height, weight, penis size, toes, breasts, chest hair, or race, we are all excluding large groups of people. If you add voluntary things like smoking, tattoos, piercing, facial hair, etc the list is even longer. My wife and I have definite racial preferences when it comes to who we would want to play with and its not even the same for both of us. I would have to turn down an Asian couple the same way Greg has to turn down a white couple but again, so what?

 

There is ONE place where tolerance and PCness have no part and that's the bedroom. Do what you want to do with who you want to do it with and who wants to do it with you. If its racist, homophobic, ageism, etc, there is nothing wrong with that.

[HappyPeople 17]

I believe that it's totally normal to be more attracted to persons the same race as the life partner that one has chosen, that something interracial couples experience that same race couples probably don't relate to as well. A percieved "better performance" is likely due to her reaction to the playmate, not the actual performance of the playmate.

 

We are a mixed race couple (I'm white, he's brown, ie. mixed race, three of them) so I kinda get where she might be coming from. I've got no race issues when it comes to meeting people although I do prefer persons of a skin tone closer to my partners than mine - afterall, I do find him to be the ultimate in sexy so it naturally follows that I find others more similiar to him to be sexier than those less similiar to him.

 

Just my two cents and I will admit that I did skip several pages of this thread so perhaps I missed something that may make my comment totally innapropriate.