Certifications on online ads?

[Vespertine 31]

Everyone is talking about the certification thing...we state in our profile that we do not certify nor do we accept certifications-because we did that with our old profile & were sort of, how shall I say...virtually stalked I guess.

 

SlS tech support will certify you if you submit a video recording.

I am interested to see how important people think the certification feature is.

 

I don't feel comfortable with the certification features. I would be more comfortable if the certifications could be left anonymously.

 

I like knowing a couple is for real, that's the best part of the certifications. My greatest peeve with it is that everyone else can see who you've met.

 

I don't like that.

 

Who I've met is my business and I don't feel comfortable making it public knowledge. It's all very indiscreet.

 

I've actually declined meeting a couple because of their certifications. I didn't find one (or several) of the couples that certified them to be desirable. Not in the sexual sense, but in a sense that they appeared to be a couple I wouldn't even want to stand in line with at the post office. It makes the couple "guilty by association", IMO.

 

Do you think the quality of couples that have certified a potential couple make a difference to you?

[biblonde 22]

Certs do let you see who they have been with...kinda. Bt they really don't matter to us. On lifestyle lounge you can get cert. With no one knowing who did it. I like that feature! And only by a member who is cert as real and paying for the site. It would be nice is SLS did that also.

 

But that is just my 2 cents for the day.

[BloomoCoupleFun 15]

Maybe I am missing something but it seems that only SLS uses that 'certification' feature. We never attached much credibility to it.

 

Problem one is that it only is supposed to attest that another SLS member is 'real' or not. Has nothing to do with indicating their honesty or credibility.

 

Problem two is that since free accounts are permitted on the site there is nothing stopping a nefarious person from simply creating a bogus second account and 'certifying' their main account.

 

It is much like the 'testimonials' on AFF. Most are "I'd really like to meet them and..." meaning they are coming more from wanna-be's than a reflection of reality.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I thought they were anonymous on SLS, did that change at some point? Probably when they added the comment feature.

 

I find it a little disconcerting as well that they put the names out there like that. I like the original idea better, people were simply certified or not, no comments, no names, just yes I've met this person and they are real - that was the whole point after all.

 

It's not just SLS, I don't even know if they were the first but several of the swinger ads sites use various techniques to "certify" their users. Whether it be having them send in a picture with them holding a sign TOGETHER with the site name on it, or having other users certify that they've met them... or the most extreme I've seen, asking them to send in a letter and copies of their IDs.

[DandS 15]

I voted "whats a certification"...obviously we're not on SLS. We have a profile on Swappernet but that is a feature I've not seen or used before.

[ALilOEverything 901]

We've allowed one so far and that's because we really hit it off and have a great time together. At first it was a little weird because a few of the people we talked to said "oh I see you chat with so and so too" and I realized how small the circles were. But then those people would invite us all four of us to functions and parties and it worked out fine. I don't except them anymore though, it just seems strange to me to acquire a list.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

My greatest peeve with it is that everyone else can see who you've met.

 

I don't like that.

 

Who I've met is my business and I don't feel comfortable making it public knowledge. It's all very indiscreet.

 

 

You just summed up why we don't like to certify or accept them. We know people "Certification Surf". Just following the certifications around to see who has been with who.

We are guilty of it ourselves. Surrender

 

We use to have an ad and we certified and let others certify us. But people assumed just because we played with the same person they have we want to play with them to.

Not so.

 

When we use to certify we use to be "Certification Snobs" (Don't flame me, it's suppose to be a joke. )meaning that if someone wasn't certified we would not even consider them. But now that we don't certify we can't quite have that attitude.

 

We are only seeking single males and we might be missing out on some quality encounters because we have no certifications. But so be it. If we meet someone, we meet someone. If we don't, we don't.

 

By the amount of mail we get from single males even though we are not certified and will not certify is quite high. I don't think MOST single guys take into concideration wether or not we are certified.

 

 

Mrs naughty may drop in a post if I did not cover all the bases.

[Kari&theWuff 15]

Problem one is that it only is supposed to attest that another SLS member is 'real' or not. Has nothing to do with indicating their honesty or credibility.

 

Problem two is that since free accounts are permitted on the site there is nothing stopping a nefarious person from simply creating a bogus second account and 'certifying' their main account.

 

 

Actually, if you have a free account on SLS you cannot certify another couple. You have to be a paying member, which we are not yet. We learned that fact this past weekend.

 

May I point out that just because someone's been certified it doesn't necessarily mean that they've played with the certifying couple. It just means to us that they've met face to face and weren't fake ad trolls. For newbie couples, like ourselves, it may be easier to get started with someone who's been around the block a time or two while we get the hang of everything.

 

And that's my .02 Surrender

 

Kari

[jcbicouple 24]

We voted against for a few reasons:

 

1) It's no one else's business who we've met.

 

2) Who's to say that we aren't for real just because we haven't met someone from that site? We rarely contact anyone from ads, and haven't met anyone that has contacted us through SLS (We signed up there the same time we signed up on this board).

 

3) We don't know much about the certification feature, but it sounds like you have to be a paying member, and we won't pay to place an ad on a site.

 

Are we fakes? That's funny! Sluts maybe.....

[northindycpl 32]

I will admit that I shy away from those with too many certifications or those who have played with couples that aren't our type.

 

I guess I am looking for one. One. Just someone else who says, yeah this is really a couple and these people are real.

 

Do we rule out those without certifications, no.

 

I don't like the lack of discretion with it, and have disallowed certiifcations too.

 

I am fairly certain free members can't certify or be certified.

 

I do also look for others who have paid. For some reason that offers me a little comfort in knowing that they can afford the site, and take it seriously. We are free member snobs.

[TNT 1,155]

May I point out that just because someone's been certified it doesn't necessarily mean that they've played with the certifying couple. It just means to us that they've met face to face and weren't fake ad trolls.

 

I think when looking at certifications this is very important to remember...we do have certifications and have certified others, but it only means we have met them face to face, not necessarily that we've played with them.

 

We do agree that it would be better if the certifications were anonymous but, on SLS you are allowed to say no to a certification (you must approve it before it's attached to your profile) if you don't want anyone to know that you met whoever is trying to certify you.

 

Whether we contact a couple/single or not is not based on if they are certified or not and actually we rarely even look at the certifications. We like to base our opinion of someone from our own experience with them and not other's experiences and opinions of them.

 

Teresa

[Guest smileytattoo]

 

I do also look for others who have paid. For some reason that offers me a little comfort in knowing that they can afford the site, and take it seriously.

We are free member snobs.

 

We were paid members when we first listed ourselves on there, but have since let it drop, and we are free now. When we first started on SLS it was nice to see the certifications to see what kind of cpls they had played with, what they were interested in, gave us a little more confidence I guess. But now we dont even pay attention to if some one is certified or not. The one cpl that certified us, did it before we ever had sex with them, I liked that because it showed that we were for real and that we hit it off as friends not just sex seakers.

[Spoomonkey 421]

After finding out what it means, I am kind of surprised that many people would actually be for it... I mean - discretion, folks! I don't want people to know who we have or have not played with. That is our business...

 

We are going to post our pics and take our chances with that. But, still, the club will be our primary "connection" outlet.

 

Spoomonkey

[scky_cpl_4_bif 15]

I actually look at many of the certifications, especially to see what other "types" of couples may have been considered. I happened to run across one this morning, and was quite surprised. The gal was drop-dead gorgeous in her pics and so I chose to look at their "1" certification. I am of the opinion that they themselves created a dummy profile just to certify themselves. The entire profile of the certifying couple was nothing but jumble, ie: jfaldlkfjladkjfldkafj aldfjladjfaljdfklfjlvjciov adjlkjiovjne

 

That was annoying as hell ......need I say more?

 

~M

[Handyman69 15]

We choose not to vote as it didn't really list what we look for. We are certified and have certified others. For us...they don't have to be certified but the chances of them being serious...real (don't really care for this term)...and Knowing exactly what they are looking for is about 20 times better. As we look back at the couples that we have received messages from or we pursued...all the non-certified ones have never panned out and too many games were played. So, I guess certification isn't mandatory but extremely liked on our part.

[curiousagain 326]

I think most people that have certifications have them only from a fraction of the people they have played with. But, it is a valuable commodity in the world of the internet swing because it really decreases the chance they are a fake. So, geting one and leaveing the rest off might be a good compromise.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

 

I like knowing a couple is for real, that's the best part of the certifications. My greatest peeve with it is that everyone else can see who you've met.

 

I don't like that.

 

Just because you certified them doesn't mean you've played with them. At New Years', we met lots of people at a social that I recognized from SLS. Technically, I could certify them and they could certify us, and we no more than talked. But, I know they're real and they know we're real. That's the reason behind doing the certifications. But, while I say that.....

 

I've actually declined meeting a couple because of their certifications. I didn't find one (or several) of the couples that certified them to be desirable. Not in the sexual sense, but in a sense that they appeared to be a couple I wouldn't even want to stand in line with at the post office. It makes the couple "guilty by association", IMO.

Do you think the quality of couples that have certified a potential couple make a difference to you?

 

Yep, we're guilty of this too. Especially if the couple doesn't have any face pics, or their profile was kind of sparse, we'll go through and look at the people who've certified them. It may not be an exact science, but I think people of like age, level of attractiveness, and personality tend to gravitate toward each other. If we don't like what we see in the profiles of the certifying couple, we aren't interested in pursuing meeting the couple. So, yes, certification does make a difference in some cases, but if they don't have certs we won't hold it against them.

 

Pepper

[djjwp 129]

I had a co-worker recognized our pictures once. By asking NOT to be certified, it gave me the ability to tell him (He was single and a looking for fun) that I just go on to look around and he bought it, no hurt feelings. Once certified, you lose deniability when you need it.

[DaveNSheila 16]

We got certified and we have certified. To us we don't really read into it other than how it was meant. Someone met that couple or person and yes they are real and say who they say they are. We got certified by someone who we met once for dinner and that was all that happened. So to us no big deal.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

You can have SLS certifiy you.

 

The purpose of certification is to give people comfort in knowing you are who you claim to be. Someone who would steal pictures and make up a profile can't do what is required by SLS to certify yourself, at least not without much effort. What SLS requires is...

 

take a picture of yourself (together if you are a couple) holding a sign that lists your handle, the e-mail address that you are registered under, the date, and the name SwingLifeStyle on the sign.

 

So there is a way to be certified without having other people you've played with give you a certification.

 

LM

[bear_n_bunny 43]

I've never really discussed this with Bunny, but I do use the certifications to gauge whether or not to contact someone. The only sites we've been on that have this feature is SLS and CouplesTouch. Aside from the occasional foray onto AFF (which does not have that feature), we've not bothered with any other swinger sites, because we have discovered that by and large most couples in our area are on these two already, so that pretty well covers the landscape for us.

 

I use the certifications to see what kind of couple(s) a particular couple have played with. This is especially useful if they don't have pictures, or their pics are hidden. If I see that a couple's certs are, for example, mostly 20 or 30-something pretty people, we won't bother with them. (As someone else has already alluded, there is a very definite caste system in the lifestyle, based on age and level of physical attractiveness.)

 

Also, it's not that hard to read between the lines so as to tell whether the certifying couple just met them for dinner or actually have played with them.

 

So while certifications are not the end-all and be-all of sizing up a couple (we pay the most attention to what they say in their profile and how they say it), they do have a certain usefulness.

 

-- Bear

[wiscpl 22]

We didn't even think about whether someone was certified or not until we became paying members and certified by another couple. We are busy like most and have learned that those who are truely certified are not going to waste their time or yours. We don't by all means single anyone out, it's just an observation we've made.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

We didn't even think about whether someone was certified or not until we became paying members and certified by another couple. We are busy like most and have learned that those who are truely certified are not going to waste their time or yours. We don't by all means single anyone out, it's just an observation we've made.

Even being new we have noticed this too. We have already run across some fakes and picture collectors so we do look at the cert to see if they look like they are genuine before contacting them. That does not mean we wouldn't contact someone who is not as we know some people refuse them but it is something we like.

 

We don't mind at all that the circle is small because a small circle of friends to play with would be ideal for us. As a matter of fact two of the 3 couples we have met and the single guy we met all know each other. I like that and we will probably set up a house party sometime with all of us. There is a nice comfort level and as others have pointed out on other threads, the disease factor is lower if you stay with a smaller group of regular friends.

 

We just got our first cert and for me it was really nice to know that he enjoyed his time with us enough to let everyone else know. What he wrote was really nice and I appreciated it. I don't have a problem at all with cerifications. We are discreet as far as the outside vanilla world goes but we don't mind if other swingers know who we hang out with.

[nwmifun 16]

I have to say that I clicked on being "indifferent" to certifications as it appeared most people did.

 

We have certified others and been certified, but we definitely exercise caution as to who we do both with. I agree that it would be much nicer to be able to just have an anonymous function which says you're real.

 

This is terrible, but actually kind of a fun game. We like to see how wide of a geographical circle we can go with from one certification before it comes to a dead end. Sometimes it can provide hours of fun.

 

LOL - I know. Small things amuse small minds.

[Denver2some 15]

We don't like the idea of certifications, because we don't want to "advertise" who we have chatted with, met or (and certainly not who we've played with.) We like to keep all of that private.

 

Lack of a certification doesn't automatically make us think a couple's profile is fake.

[Vespertine 31]

This is terrible, but actually kind of a fun game. We like to see how wide of a geographical circle we can go with from one certification before it comes to a dead end. Sometimes it can provide hours of fun.... LOL - I know. Small things amuse small minds.

I do this too!

[nwmifun 16]

I do this too!

 

LOL - On one certification, I've made it from Michigan, out to the Boston area, down to FL, to TX, and it ended in Indiana.

[Vespertine 31]

Wow! Talk about spreadin' the love.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

I'm guilty of looking at cert to see the people they have played with, or met at least. And to see if it comes back to someone I know. I just got an email from someone that lives like 90 miles away from here and there is a link with the couple we met, thru a single guy. I don't judge people this way I just like to see how small the circle is.

[clit pro poet 15]

"We like to see how wide of a geographical circle we can go with from one certification before it comes to a dead end. Sometimes it can provide hours of fun."

 

Gawd, I'm (Mr.) a hopeless geek. There's actually some pretty involved mathematical modelling for a bunch on interesting biology that arises around how far organisms travel in doing whatever they are inclined to do. Hours of fun, nah, days! Kinsey could never resist studying such a thing. He and his colleagues could certify everyone then. (So much for enjoying discretion, which WE value greatly.)

 

Anyway we're not an active couple - maybe will be - and sure have been wondering about the geographic "challenges" of finding and enjoying other couples. We have very busy lives and not much time to travel. This tracing or certifications oughta make for plentiful entertainment and analysis. 'Dunno if that's sufficient reason to favor the idea though. Don't couples get a feel (sic) for who is and who isn't real?

 

Couples in our region - should we meet, we (I) PROMISE to leave the geeking at home! Don't want to give "certifiable" the wrong slant...

[bruncouple_nj 17]

I voted 'doesn't matter' but we think certifications are great and very useful so if someone is certified it helps us make a decision faster.

[txduo2000 18]

I voted indifference, however, we have a different take on certifications.

 

We prefer single males to be certified because they are a dime a dozen and we want to kind of have a reference point as to their reputation so to speak.

 

We don't mind if couples aren't certified; we feel comfortable enough with couples that we can make that determination ourselves.

 

I will say, however, that I like the more subtle certifications. I do not like the ones that are simply advertisements of sexual exploits. I much prefer the ones that basically say, "met this person/this couple and find them to be good conversationalists, great personality, and good friends".

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

We posted indifferent as well, but it is always nice to see certification's on people. Helps to let you know what others thinks and see if you have any playmate's in common.

 

T, A & P

[L&R 20]

{L here} R just voted no, hell no, and hell hell no. I want to vote Yes.

 

R didn't even like releasing his grip on his I.D. when they asked for it to varify his signature on the club membership. He's just not into this new internet.

He doesn't want our private information "out there". He thinks the profile companies are evil, and the whole Scoring, Reviewing, who's been swinging with whom has really taken the lifestyle from being a fun recreational adventure to a competive sport.

 

R here: she says "get with the program" I say that when you start looking at people's photographs first, then deciding who you will meet first...you can't help but become more shallow...and shallow...those 5's get shuffled to the bottom of the deck. Yes it was always a pain n the ass to go out to meet a couple and get stood up or disappointed, But wasn't it more exciting to meet a couple completely "cold"??? instead of piecemeal. Soon I wouldn't doubt if there comes a E-Harmony.com for swingers. Answer 500 questions and let the computer match you to your perfect "swinger soulmate" we've almost came full circle to the old days where some stanger would throw you together with another couple in a room..for 30 minutes.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Soon I wouldn't doubt if there comes a E-Harmony.com for swingers. Answer 500 questions and let the computer match you to your perfect "swinger soulmate" we've almost came full circle to the old days where some stanger would throw you together with another couple in a room..for 30 minutes.

 

I was actually thinking this same thing the other day as I was trying to explain to my mom what the difference between E-harmony and other dating sites was. It really wouldn't surprise me if someone hasn't already developed such a site for swingers - there are SO MANY out there, and if they haven't, I'm sure they will.

[L&R 20]

You know 123couples.com is supposed to be free and ran by real swingers, but I've read and heard the couples you date from their site....can score you after the date. And other rumors are that some sites offer a "feedback" type feature..like you just completed a transaction on e-bay. A review of your date!

 

"Well Bob and Nancy were 15 minutes late to dinner, Bob put his elbows on the table, and talked with his mouth full..they didn't spring for a good bottle of wine, we just had a pitcher of Bud. The most troubling thing though is Bob and Nancy don't care about the SPOTTED OWL. We just don't think we would be compatible enough with these folks."

 

No wonder these couples act like they got a bug up their butt when they meet you, they're scared to death they are gonna get a negative review.

 

Sorry I just needed to rant.

[Carol_Danny 17]

The original concept of certification or verification was to let others know that the couple really is a couple, and the single female really is a single female, nothing more. There is always a problem with single guys pretending to be either a couple of a female on Lifestyles and Personals sites, and that cert was there just to certify that their status was real.

 

I personally don't like the idea of comments and/or ratings. What one person may find offencive or detrimental may be just what another person is looking for! I've seen bad "reviews" on a couple of sites just because someone didn't answer an e-mail within a day! We are around to meet people, not to judge them for others.

 

The idea of verifying that a couple really is a couple is fine, and appreciated. There really is nothing required beyond that.

[honeybee77 15]

We use certification as proof that someone has "met" someone else ... but only take it lightly as anyone can be different than someone "certifies" them to be... we might not relate to them the same as someone else. Certs are nice, but not especially important as proof or a condition under which we'd meet someone. We're still new yet however, so this is just my two cents.

[sexypairca 41]

I chose indifferent to certifications despite the fact that we have a couple attached to our profile and have written them for others. At no point in time do our certifications even imply anything other than we think these are nice people. We also don't have any certifications implying that other's have met us in that special way either.

 

Yes I will read another's certifications but wouldn't judge them on what other's had to say. I'm a do it for yourself kinda gal.

[havefuninsun 122]

We don't like them; we've asked others not to add them, we have no intention of leaving them for others. Discretion, discretion, discretion. Even in the 'vanilla' world I was never into kissing and telling. However, I can see how others may have had bad experiences with those pretending to be someone they're not.

 

If we're asked about past experiences, we're happy to share -- but don't feel like we have to give great details. Like, "have you guys ever been with another couple?" "as a matter of fact, we have. We had a lot of fun." No names, etc. But it's enough information for the couple we're talking to to guage if they want to keep chatting and meet.

 

I can see both sides of the coin, but the discretion thing is very important to us.

[honeybee77 15]

Good point

[fun4Ds 1,098]

We don't much go by certs either, we feel we would much rather make up our own minds.We do get people inquiring about ours and we just don't play that game. We may know someone and that is it. We feel the certs should be a check mark that we have met and that is it.

[Spoomonkey 421]

After finding out what it means, I am kind of surprised that many people would actually be for it... I mean - discretion, folks! I don't want people to know who we have or have not played with. That is our business...

 

Funny how things change...

 

Yes - we have been certified and have certified others. I guess there comes a point where you really realize that you are in a small community and the chances of people figuring things out are pretty slim... Besides - we like what we do and we have enjoyed who we've done it with.

 

Certifications are fine with us now...

 

Anyone else want to add a couple kind words

 

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Do you think that these certifications should be kept anonymous? Like you could go and certify a couple you've met but it never says that YOU certified them and vice versa. Basically, I think that doing this would allow the good points of certifications -people can see "ok this couple is real and others have met them and "approved" them - but you don't have the loss of discretion incurred when it shows who certified you (or who you certified). Would you be more likely to certify other couples/ allow certifications if they were anonymous? Or would you still be indifferent to the idea/ not use them?

[flkeyscouple 21]

Would you be more likely to certify other couples/ allow certifications if they were anonymous? Or would you still be indifferent to the idea/ not use them?

I never thought anything bad about certifications until reading this thread. I've read through certifications and I guess I never really paid attention to who wrote them, just the content. I can understand the controversy, though. But either way, I wouldn't hold a certification to a high standard. We've met uncertified couples with great success. I don't think I'd rely on them more or less if anonymous, so in my opinion, why not make them anonymous? It seems it would solve many problems!

 

 

Sarah

[DGrey 28]

I kind of wish that certs on SLS were anonymous because we tend to get a lot of what we refer to as "certification whores". These are people that look at certs and contact everyone who has certed us. Like someone else said, it's a rather close community and guess what...we do talk after fucking! What a concept. We have a couple with whom we're extremely close and it's quite comical to have pretty much the same emails from the same people in our inboxes.

 

That said, we would play with an uncertified couple as we were uncertified once upon a time as well.

 

E

[Spoomonkey 421]

Do you think that these certifications should be kept anonymous?

 

I have two takes on this question...

 

The first is the "intelligent" answer - and that is, "yes - anonimity is a good thing!" We could collect certifications from people without having to worry about people knowing we were with them (both for discretion and... *cough* ...personal shame). We have turned down certifications from people who we did not enjoy AND (I am ashamed to say, but I think it makes sense) people who we have thought would send the wrong message to others about what we may be looking for.

 

I think people mentally connect profiles that are linked by certification... "Oh, they like watersports - so the couple they certed must like watersports..."

 

So - anonymous certs would certainly make those concerns moot...

 

But then again - why do you need multiple anonymous certifications? What is the difference between one "these people are real" and 23 "these people are real" certifications? One certification would do, right?

 

But the reason I kind of like the "non-anonymous" certifications is for the exact reasons I have written above: it DOES say something about what we are looking for and what we are into. If we have accepted a cert from a couple that we are refering to the "what we are looking for" section of our profile and saying "like this, for example."

 

It has actually helped us refine the people who contact us and the percentage of attractive, compatible contacts has increased. And let's face it... With a screen name like "Spoomonkey" a little "good press" doesn't hurt...

 

Spoomonkey

[good times 991]

But the reason I kind of like the "non-anonymous" certifications is for the exact reasons I have written above: it DOES say something about what we are looking for and what we are into. If we have accepted a cert from a couple that we are refering to the "what we are looking for" section of our profile and saying "like this, for example."

 

It has actually helped us refine the people who contact us and the percentage of attractive, compatible contacts has increased. And let's face it... With a screen name like "Spoomonkey" a little "good press" doesn't hurt...

I agree, this is actually the only thing we use certifications for. We won't decline to meet someone if they don't have certs, but otherwise seem like people we would like to meet. If they do have certs though, we will look at the other people that have certified them to try and get a better idea if we would get along with them and them with us.

 

For me, annonymous certifications would be just slightly less than useless.

[DGrey 28]

I can understand the concept of looking at the people who have certed other people to see if you have anything in common but I think it's important to remember that certification does not equal having had sex with someone. We've certed people we've simply met in person -- certing them as genuine people -- not necessarily people we've played with. Some of the certs on our SLS ad are from people we have not had sex with.

 

E

[4Beauty2C 17]

Certificates are just a judgemental opinion a person/couple upholds on you.