Certifications on online ads?

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think it's important to remember that certification does not equal having had sex with someone.

 

True...

 

But unless you put that in the certification, most folks are going to assume that you did play with the couple you certed - or that certed you. Sure - it doesn't mean that you did - but it is a fairly common and automatic assumption.

 

Spoomonkey

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

It's not just SLS, I don't even know if they were the first but several of the swinger ads sites use various techniques to "certify" their users. Whether it be having them send in a picture with them holding a sign TOGETHER with the site name on it, or having other users certify that they've met them... or the most extreme I've seen, asking them to send in a letter and copies of their IDs.

 

I was thinking about this certification issue this morning and decided, "I'm going to create a poll at the Swingers Boards and discover what others think." But I also thought to check if the question had been asked before. Sure enough, it had been. I am pleased to know that most people have voted that certification does not carry a lot of weight for them and that they recognize the privacy issues. As many commented, if you have a certification from everybody you encounter, you appear to be incorrigible sex addicts. If you have none, you worry that people perceive you are not earnest. Better to assume that an advertiser is sincere until proven otherwise, I think. Maybe some others will add their observations.

 

M

[TheSwingerSet 205]

I voted indifferent, because we are, I makes very little difference to us if you have certs or not we rarely read the certs on couples whom we are attracted to, we don't give a damn who or how many they may have played with.

 

I like the way LL does it you are certified "real" by 1 couple or person or by sending your pic with a sign. So now we know that your profile is correct and that your pics look like you. Thats enough for us. They have a completely different section for giving kudos to others which seems to us to be a bunch of cpls kissing ass to make points with each other.

 

K

[interested-05 135]

Not sure that I trust the certification process, it still depends on honest and there are plenty of liars out there.

[Tia Vampire 167]

We don't care one way or another. Why would you look up who else the couple has been with anyway? There are only two reasons that i could think of that would make a person look up a person's certification and that is to look up not who they have been with, but what race of people they have been with and if the person who is doing the looking knows something about the couple that the other couple has hooked up with, such as an STD.The whole idea of swinging is about variety. Just as you were interested in a couple, someone else would be too. This would be the same as holding your girlfriend's or wife past against her. I really don't see the reason for looking up someones business.

[Menage_a_Trois 182]

Our view on certifications has changed. For a while we were all for them, it gave others a chance to see that we were "for real" and that we are who we say we are. However, as of late we have concluded that too many people view those with many certifications as bedpost notchers or as "hard core swingers" (whatever that means). We have noticed that people jump to theses conclusions regardless of whether you play with all the people who certify you or not. We actually had one couple tell us that from all the certs we had, that we were “hardcore swingers and that they wanted regular people". We did not change our minds based on this narrow-minded view. Nevertheless, it did get us to start thinking and investigating about how many, view certifications and those who "know" many people in the lifestyle. Moreover, like so many who have posted on this thread we have come to the conclusion that it is no ones business who we know and who we do not know, let alone who we play with and whom we do not.

 

T, A, and P

[fun4Ds 1,098]

we were once certified on sls by a few couples/playmates that we had met. some we played with and some not. in our begining we felt that somehow it was a way of showing that ya would indeed show up for a meet and see if things go from there,, ( and yes we were free members then.) as things went on, we noticed that indeed there was people contacting us wanting more or less a review and information that we felt we should not give out and give no more info than, "yes we know them and they will show up and they are a real couple/person in the lifestyle". we felt and talked about this with any one certifing ,,or wanting certified by us that this is the basic way it works, and thats as far as things would go with people asking either way. fair enough. to be honest we just got tired of the inquirers.

 

things have changed now and we just dont do the certs anymore, it was time to get on board and just become paid members anyhow. so we changed our profile, paid our membership, joined a few clubs and we just dont feel the certifications are much important now. our private pics on our account are worth a thousand words anyhow .

[sunrise_sunset 16]

Certifications, or as some web sites call them, validations, just add more complexity to the online search for compatible couples. If a couple isn't willing to switch over to the telephone early on then we don't devote any more time to trying to get to know them. The level of distrust on some of the pay web sites is astounding. We plan to drop our sub to the one pay site we are on.

[DBL D 120]

I was surprised see that I hadn't posted on this topic. Since Fem D & I have had a few discussions about this I wanted to put my thoughts out there.

 

At first, I thought it would be a great idea. It would show folks that we were serious. I thought we would be playing a lot more than we have and it would be a great way for people to see that. Then someone on this board got us to thinking about all the weirdos that are out there and anonimity, etc. and we decided that certs aren't what we wanted.

 

Then I saw that Fem D actually checked out certs, even though we didn't give or recieve them, so recently I accepted a cert from a new couple and gave them one. Fem D saw that and said, "I guess we're giving certs now?"

 

I mentioned that we haven't been but why not? If we truly enjoyed those people we should let others know. The weirdo thing has diminished. We don't get that many contacts and aren't with that many people, so why the heck not?

 

Kinda goes along with the idea of your rules, values or comfort levels changing as time goes by. We may change our minds again though.

 

Male D

[twoforone100 45]

The most useful cert is from someone we know personally. We have had no one tell us wow you played with them so we don't want to play with you. We are sure it has happened. Who cares. We play plenty and our certs have gotten us invited to lots of places as well. It has good points and bad points. We like to know people are real and will spend a little more time with a couple who has certs if a few of the soft red flags show up. Patrick Pattie

[LFM2 1,482]

We don't really care about certs. We want to be very discreet in this lifestyle. If we use certs, that others can read, that is neither discreet nor private.

[belgiumCouple 15]

I'm not talking about SLS or any other American/international Swingers site here because we don't have experience with that. We're on a local swingers site and certs are anonymous there. Certs are only a way to show people that you are genuine and can only be given by couples who are paid members and have 3 certs or more themselves. Other couples see that you have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or more than 5 certs. No more than 5 because people don't have to know how many other couples you met (so can't be accused of being sluts )

 

I think the system works quite well eliminating a lot of single males posing as a couple and the general opinion (and ours as well) is that you have to be a little bit more careful with profiles without any certs (we have a woman to woman phone call before we meet).

 

Besides the certs the site also has a 'guestbook'. When you Certify a couple you can also write something into their guestbook. As the receiving couple you can choose to show their comment or not show it to other couples, so you have perfect control on what others can see and may think of you.

 

Again this is specific for this Belgian swingers site, but we (and from what we hear everybody else) likes this system.

[sandjlooking 15]

Certifications can be used several ways, the most popular being that they are no bullshit and can be vouched for by fellow swingers. We use the certifications to calculate the risk factor with said swinger or swingers when it comes to STD's. Thanks SLS for the way you have it linked all certs to others, we get a clear picture of who will be there for the sex only and those who are truly interested in establishing long lasting friendships

[cubnamy1995 124]

I used to think those were important, but I have since changed my mind. If used in conjunction with their profile (or lack thereof) you can judge whether or not you are dealing with a fake or lurker. But if a couple has 0 certs, but a well-written profile, I will not hesitate to give it some thought. Every contact we've made through SLS like that has turned out great. Granted they tend to be less experienced, but that is not always a bad thing.

[redgirlwithfrec 33]

I just did a seach in certs because I felt we were starting to get way too many. We are swingers and yes we have been with a handful of couples. When we meet someone new either for a dinner or at a M&G specifically those that have none or maybe one cert we will tend to give them one. The problem is that they in turn will give us one back and help to make our list grow. We feel really bad in declining them since they have taken the time to do so and most seem like they have been really thought out. We are still friendly with all the people either in chatting online or seeing them at M&Gs or parties so it may be awkward just to delete some of them. Any thoughts on this. Thank you.

[havefuninsun 122]

I just did a seach in certs because I felt we were starting to get way too many. We are swingers and yes we have been with a handful of couples. When we meet someone new either for a dinner or at a M&G specifically those that have none or maybe one cert we will tend to give them one. The problem is that they in turn will give us one back and help to make our list grow. We feel really bad in declining them since they have taken the time to do so and most seem like they have been really thought out. We are still friendly with all the people either in chatting online or seeing them at M&Gs or parties so it may be awkward just to delete some of them. Any thoughts on this. Thank you.

 

Just tell folks you're only going to keep (insert number here) of certs because of (insert reason here). I think folks will understand.

[ShellyM 0]

We have certs on our sls profile, frankly the vast majority of them are just from friends that we have met. I have used them in regards to single men before, they are a useful tool to that. Everyone has their own opinions on certs. We like them because it tells us that a couple gets out there. But we do not NOT email a couple simply because there are no certs.

[redgirlwithfrec 33]

Thank you sun and Shelly. By the way Shelly. Loved your profile. We have so much in common. Too bad we are separated by 1500 miles. If your ever in NE PA look us up.

[ShellyM 0]

Thank you sun and Shelly. By the way Shelly. Loved your profile. We have so much in common. Too bad we are separated by 1500 miles. If your ever in NE PA look us up.

 

We are moving to Allentown, Pa. in June...

[sweet_tna 680]

This topic has been one my honey and I have debated about recently, too. We've met some nice couples lately, and wondered whether we should certify them or not. It would be hypocritical of us to say that we don't believe in them, as we have two certs ourselves. We keep them primarily because the folks who wrote them actually took some effort to write them, and because they say things we'd never put in the profile ourselves.

 

We really would prefer not to "kiss & tell", but don't want to offend others. But Shell and Sun have the right idea, I think. We'll just tell folks the truth and let it go at that.

 

=)

[brandi511 15]

I don't use them, who I sleep with is my business, not other people's.

[ACuriousDuo 46]

Explaining my answer of indifference (which is really inaccurate but the most applicable answer), certifications are reassuring. Our main qualifications is the information (and how it is presented) in the profile along with pictures to give some idea of our attraction to a couple/person. The certification is a bonus; when there are positive certs, it ups the chances. Without them though, a good profile is adequate for conversation to begin.

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

On AFF we have a few testimonials from couples we have met and if that's not enough "certification" then I'm not sure what is...