Typical swingers club behavior?

[beaverz 18]

Mrs. Beaverz and I are contemplating starting our adventures at a club sometime in the next year. We are obviously not familiar with the club scene and have some concerns about the typical behavior.

 

We both would have a difficult time if it is common for men to take liberties (such as groping) without the consent of the women. We would hope that all the men would be gentlemen until the appropriate place and time. In the right setting we image it can be very erotic, but being new to this we would want to take it rather slow. We just don’t want to get in a situation that we’re not expecting.

 

We would appreciate input from those that have experienced clubs and can provide some insight on typical behavior.

 

I realize this may be a stupid thread, but we’re just trying to cover all the bases.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Not stupid at all!

 

I think the best place to start is an Off-Premise club, which means No sex at the club. Less pressure that way. That's not saying there won't be any groping but the chances are much less since it is more of a regular club environment except everyone "Knows" what everyone else is about.

 

We had many, many questions too just starting out about clubs and such.

 

After going to our first club:

 

First club experience

 

A side note on our first club experience;

 

It was an off-premise club but it had an upstairs if you wanted to get a little naughty. If you didn't you stayed downstairs. It worked rather well.

[twoplayful2 16]

We've gone to a lot of different clubs. The only place we've ever seen any touching without necessarily asking is in the group play areas, which pretty much all clubs have. But I've also seen ladies say a simple "no thank-you" at the first touch and that was that. I'd suggest a regular couples swingers club and just do some watching, maybe some conversing with others, then retreat to a private play area. Find out a little bit about the club first though, like reviews, rules, and make sure they actually have private play areas.

[Amy Blue 15]

As you may have read on another thread, I had my first introduction to an off-premise club last weekend...but it was surprisingly laid-back and there wasn't any pressure from the guys there that I could detect. A lot of overt staring, yes, but then I was running around topless and bald twins tend to invite attention Since you're going as a couple, I think the chances of something bad happening are slim.

 

But I also believe the atmosphere in any club probably varies each week based on the patrons, the theme (this club I attended has frequent and varied 'theme' nights) etc. You might want to ask folks who go there regularly which night is best for newbies.

 

I might add, my partner and I had agreed beforehand that we were just going to chat and observe others last Saturday, but we had a chance for a FMF threesome fairly early in the night. In this case, it was a woman who made it clear she was interested in us both. Neither of us was attracted to her so we just stayed polite but didn't invite anything more. She tried to pick us up three times during the night. I guess she was what one would term an "assertive bi chick" rather than an elusive hot bi babe! Now I realize this may be many couple's dream, but we would rather proceed with the right person, rather than grab anything we can get.

 

Good luck and have fun together

[good times 991]

I think this is a good question too. We are pretty avid club attendee's and have been going to our local clubs for about a year and a half. Most people at the club are very polite and will generally ask before touching but since we have been going we have ran into several people who took liberties that they didn't have permission to. In all but one case when we told them not to do that again that was the end of it. One time we did have to bring a particularly agressive person to the hosts attention and after the host talked to them they behaved better in the future.

 

So if someone should happen to go further than you are comfortable with, speak right up and let them know you don't approve. Having said all that, I think it would be unusual for you to run into this behaviour on your first visit, as it is pretty rare to begin with, and most of the times we have run across this the person was usually doing inappropriate things to somebody because they saw someone else doing those things with that person and just assumed it was alright for them to do it too.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I've only been to two off-premise clubs.

 

I had a guy ask me to dance who was so uncomfortable that it took me back to thoughts of shy high school boys.

 

Another guy held me so tight when we danced I thought I'd pop. It would have been nicer if I had been given time to want him to do that, but because that didn't occur his squeeze was not a turn on.

 

Men can be way too aggressive or play it extra careful because they don't want to offend you.

 

Walk into the club knowing that if a man or woman (who can be more aggressive than men) does something you aren't comfortable with you don't have to put up with it. Communication is crucial. You can find ways to get a message across without being rude or offensive and everyone is better off.

 

Keepiing a smile on my face and using a little humor works well for me when keeping people in place.

 

Don't ever feel you are suppose to accept some form of behavior that you're not comfortable with just because you're at a swinger's club.

 

Only do what feels right and you'll enjoy yourselves.

[macallan_neat 16]

We've found a marked difference in the amount of uninvited touching at clubs (or nights) that restrict admittance to couples (and single females). That doesn't mean that all singles are drooling mouth breathers with nothing better to do with their hands (nor that couples are guaranteed to be polite), but we've found the groping problem is greatly reduced when its couples only.

[Spoomonkey 420]

I think the thing that Mrs Beaverz will quickly learn - regardless of the "climate" of the club, is how to artfully rebuff. Mrs Spoomonkey started out, like most club going women, being unsure of how to act when approached by a man. Granted, she never had a guy just walk up and grope - but they can be aggressive in other ways. Now, she can rebuff a guy so hard his mother feels rejected

 

But - I had a playmate once who I was getting fairly familiar with in a more public area (kissing her breast). While I was "getting to know her" another guy walked up and started kissing the other one. I didn't care for it, but they aren't my boobs, so I didn't say/do anything. Later, when we were more "alone" she told me how much it bothered her that the guy did that. I was surprised because she acted like she enjoyed it. I asked her about this and she said that she just didn't know what to say.

 

"No STILL means no in a swing club," I told her.

 

I swear I actually saw the light go on!

 

Surprisingly, some women don't know that! They figure, they are in the club, they need to go with the flow. They quickly learn, but oddly, it isn't common sense.

 

Personally, I think a woman who is a challenge is so much hotter than a woman who is pretty much a free-grope-zone. Their aura is just so much sexier to me...

[good times 991]

We've found a marked difference in the amount of uninvited touching at clubs (or nights) that restrict admittance to couples (and single females). That doesn't mean that all singles are drooling mouth breathers with nothing better to do with their hands (nor that couples are guaranteed to be polite), but we've found the groping problem is greatly reduced when its couples only.

 

Dito that, we've noticed the same thing.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

There is always going to be someone who doesn't know the expected behavior (sooner or later).

 

I believe the way you handle it will say alot about you to other people. If you give them a no thank you and it should end with that. If it doesn't, I would suggest getting up and finding someone in management at the club and let them know and deal with it.

 

If you react to the point of yelling and fighting. It's going to let alot of other people in the club know there maybe more than one set of problems. One with the person doing the groping or other negative act and there maybe a problem with you also.

 

The lifestyle is a community where most of the people get to know each other at some level. Information does get passed along. Both positive and negative.

[beaverz 18]

Thanks for everyone’s posts!!!

 

We kind of figured it was how everyone has described. We just wanted to make sure it isn't a groping free for all.

[twoplayful2 16]

Well, that's not entirely true either. If any of the ladies here ever see me at a club, feel free to grope all you want! Yes, I am willing to be a groping-free-for-all victim

[marvelousmarv 15]

As a single male, last night I had my first swing clup experience. It was a GANGBANGER SPECIAL. If I had known that this was the norm for male singles, I personaly would not have attended. I was there for a couple of hours and walked out. The club owner was upset as he said he needed every single male there. I told him to keep the 50.00 I gave him to attend as this was not or ever will be MY Thing. After spending three hours at the club before it opened for orientation on the does and don'ts, I was not prepared for the behaviour or the way these women were treated. In fact, every don't was practised! The way the couples treated the single males told me that a single male is only there for them to be a cuckoled idiot. Again, not me. There was absolutely no respect shown to anyone except the club owner and his wife. I hope the rest of you have had a better experience then I have in this. No wonder the single males are becoming an endangered species in the lifestyle. WE are not wanted. Marv

[Spoomonkey 420]

If I had known that this was the norm for male singles, I personaly would not have attended.

 

What you are describing is certainly not the norm that we have experienced - though we have only attended two clubs (one regularly). While it is tough for a single guy in these places - it is not impossible - they are wanted - and they are not treated with the disrespect that you described.

 

One club is not in any way indicative of the lifestyle as a whole...

[good times 991]

Dito what spoomonkey said, we attend two clubs pretty regular and if this was the accepted behaviour at them we wouldn't attend any more either.

 

I would suggest trying some different clubs.

[twoplayful2 16]

Didnt really hear anything specific, might just as well been misunderstanding of what he was getting into and then some hurt feelings or something. And I seriously, seriously doubt single males will ever be an endangered species in the lifestyle lol.

[good times 991]

I'll have to admit that, on further reflection, I would be interested in some specifics too.

 

The reason I say this is that I do believe that single males are treated differently at swingers clubs than they are at Vanilla clubs, especially if they aren't known by anybody. And I can see how one might get a similar impression as the one Marv got on ones first visit to a swingers club as a single male, even though by the way he describes it I still think what he experianced was not the norm.

 

So how about it Marv, can you gives us a few detailed examples of what you experianced?

[marvelousmarv 15]

I'll have to admit that, on further reflection, I would be interested in some specifics too.

 

The reason I say this is that I do believe that single males are treated differently at swingers clubs than they are at Vanilla clubs, especially if they aren't known by anybody. And I can see how one might get a similar impression as the one Marv got on ones first visit to a swingers club as a single male, even though by the way he describes it I still think what he experianced was not the norm.

 

So how about it Marv, can you gives us a few detailed examples of what you experianced?

Not a problem. The details of what happened are as I have stated. Others have said go to another club. In this town there are not many other clubs. Others laugh all they like, I said what I was told by the club owners about the single male problem from them-not by my own observation. I have been talking with other single males in the lifestyle and they have the same conclusions that I have. WHY BOTHER? It is easier to get a lady in a bar or cafe in this town then to go to a swinger club and play all you want to get laid. Have I ever scored off the web or at the club? No!! I have had better luck by using the local swinger paper. As far as I can see, the club owners have to let people know what is being planned. I was not informed before hand of what was expected for the evening. I know, this is just one gripe. It may be that it's me. I have to go internal with this and make my own mind up. So far, this is not what I expected or was told by the clubs owner in his indoctrination of what to expect. Surprise is not a spice in my life. I respect your comments as well as Spoomonkey's. Who knows, it may all be just a single males gripe. Have a good laugh at my rant.

[twoplayful2 16]

If I were a single male I'd have to agree that, at least for myself, it would be a better idea to try and meet at the vanilla clubs. Other than that...you still said nothing.

[Spoomonkey 420]

Have a good laugh at my rant.

 

We certainly don't want you to feel like this is what we are doing - or would do. We play with singles, and realize that good ones are worth their weight in gold... But good ones are also extremely rare...

 

Your experience at the club is valuable and I, for one, am glad that you are sharing. It just goes to show that not all clubs are the same - and makes me very glad that we have found the club that we attend. The owner is a great guy who will joke around with folks and be firm with people when he needs to, but otherwise, he stays out of the way. There are few "planned" activities - and those that are, are not sexual (i.e. no organized gang-bangs).

 

I'm sorry that you are having a bad experience with the club scene. Many single men will echo your frustration, but there are others who would swear by the club and/or ad site experience. My guess is, your experience is localized.

[Spoomonkey 420]

If I were a single male I'd have to agree that, at least for myself, it would be a better idea to try and meet at the vanilla clubs.

 

The difference here is what is a single guy's motivation?

 

I've said it before - but if it is to look for sex then going to a swing club is stupid... But - if it is legitimately out of an interest in swinging, then going to a vanilla club is equally as dumb.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

As a single male, last night I had my first swing clup experience. It was a GANGBANGER SPECIAL. If I had known that this was the norm for male singles, I personaly would not have attended. . .

Please explain what "this" is. I don't have a clear understanding of what it was you experienced that upset you. It could help us better address your concerns.

 

Making your first club experience on a night when the theme is "GANGBANGER SPECIAL" was probably a big mistake. Did you understand what gangbanging is before you attended? Personally, it is not an activity that would interest me and I would not have attended the club that night because of it. I'm guessing that the behaviour you witnessed was shocking to you because of the nature of gangbanging.

 

 

I was not prepared for the behaviour or the way these women were treated. In fact, every don't was practised! The way the couples treated the single males told me that a single male is only there for them to be a cuckoled idiot.

Again, I think your terrible experience was due to gangbanging not being your cup of tea.

 

It can be shocking to observe--what some swingers consider very sexually stimulating and acceptable--an activity that disgusts you. You're left wondering if there is any credence to all these rules of respectful behaviour that swingers are suppose to adhere to.

 

Some swingers like to engage in sexual activities where they appear to be mistreated and shown no respect, when, in fact, this excites them and is being done at their encouragement.

 

Marv, I'd give yourself some time to let this bad experience pass, then try a different club and make sure the theme sounds acceptable to your interests and tastes. Don't let this first time be your last.

[twoplayful2 16]

The difference here is what is a single guys motivation?

 

I've said it before - but if it is to look for sex then going to a swing club is stupid... But - if it is legitimately out of an interest in swinging, then going to a vanilla club is equally as dumb.

 

I'm missing something here (besides what the specific problem that Marv actually had). Is any single guys motivation in going to a swing club possibly not to have sex? True that maybe there are additional factors, like making friends, just having a good time out, etc. But c'mon now...

[Spoomonkey 420]

I'm missing something here (besides what the specific problem that Marv actually had). Is any single guys motivation in going to a swing club possibly not to have sex? True that maybe there are additional factors, like making friends, just having a good time out, etc. But c'mon now...

 

Well - if it is JUST to have sex - why not go to the cheaper, easier environment of a vanilla bar? There has to be something else drawing these guys to a swing club. If, with twenty bucks and a shower ahead of time, I could walk into any vanilla bar in the country and get laid, paying fifty (plus) bucks for the rejection of the swinging community doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

 

Singles that we know in the lifestyle - who are successful - understand the difference between picking up a woman for sex and swinging.

[Just_us49 32]

Spoomonkey said:

Singles that we know in the lifestyle - who are successful - understand the difference between picking up a woman for sex and swinging.

 

Our limited experience at one club leads me to believe some singles realize they're not going to see women dressed like they do at a club nor will they observe the behavior exhibited at a swing club in the local vanilla bar.

 

That probably draws some singles that may not have as much of an interest in swinging as sex. I can even believe some, certainly not all, would draw the conclusion that these women want sex from whom ever.

 

As we have got to know certain people in the club we find they are very similar to us...careers, kids, moral standards, very reserved outside the club in many instances. And they are very discriminating as to whom they play with.

 

BUT...

 

If you don't have a good understanding of that, the casual observer could think that many of the women are "sluts" or "easy" or whatever labels the unlearned would tie to us.

 

In my mind that's where the single guy gets himself into trouble, thinking women swing because they want sex from whom ever they can get it or that swinging husbands are thrilled to share with anyone who comes along.

[twoplayful2 16]

I'm sure it's not the pc view, but the primary interest/motivation of a single guy going to a swing club is to have sex, not to have friendships and create long-lasting relationships. I'm sure some may have interest in having an ongoing relationship with couples also, but that is most likely going to be so they can have sex more regularly (this isn't to say they don't also like the couple they're involved with). I don't necessarily agree that it's that much easier (or cheaper) at Club Vanilla than it would be at a swingers club but I still have to say that for myself it would be a more comfortable and positive situation. My opinion is that what draws single men to swingers clubs is they think it's going to be easier, wilder, more enjoyable sex than what they would be able to get at the vanilla place.

[Spoomonkey 420]

Just_us49 said:

In my mind that's where the single guy gets himself into trouble, thinking women swing because they want sex from whom ever they can get it or that swinging husbands are thrilled to share with anyone who comes along.

 

Exactly - which is why I said "successful" single males.

 

 

twoplayful2 said:

I'm sure it's not the pc view, but the primary interest/motivation of a single guy going to a swing club is to have sex, not to have friendships and create long-lasting relationships.

 

Well - I wasn't under the illusion that single guys want friendship - but they certainly want something other than the typical "roll in the hay", wouldn't you agree?

 

I mean, sex doesn't always include a husband in the room.

 

My point is - if a single guy is coming to a swing club - he needs to expect swing-type sex - group sex. And he needs to understand that there is a completely different set of expectations for him - his typical "pick up a chick" tricks aren't likely to work.

 

And how could swinging NOT be more difficult than picking up a woman in a vanilla bar? Not only are you one of many single males, you are also having to win the trust of a husband... That takes a different kind of man all together. In fact, I would say it takes a people skill that is quite a bit more advanced than just approaching a woman in the "real world".

 

Besides - if a guy can't get laid in a vanilla bar - he really needs to rethink plying his wares at a swing club.

[twoplayful2 16]

My point is - if a single guy is coming to a swing club - he needs to expect swign-type sex - group sex. And he needs to understand that there is a completely different set of expectations for him - his typical "pick up a chick" tricks aren't likely to work.

 

Okay, if that was your point then I just missed it but I'm with ya!

 

 

And how could swinging NOT be more difficult than picking up a woman in a vanilla bar? Not only are you one of many single males, you are also having to win the trust of a husband... That takes a different kind of man all together. In fact, I would say it takes a people skill that is quite a bit more advanced than just approaching a woman in the "real world".

 

I think it depends on the type of person. I'm not someone who's great at approaching people to meet them so I don't have the best record in regular clubs. But I really think that if I was a single guy at the swinger clubs I've been to that I'd have a little bit better chance because not only are the people at swingers clubs generally more social, IMHO, but you might also just get lucky with some couple who was looking for someone very much like yourself While people at vanilla clubs like to find someone to go home with, I do actually know quite a few women who go there to dance and hang out with their friends. People at swinger clubs go to have sex.

[Iplay 16]

Wow I've learned something here. Thanks

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've rarely ever run into a guy at a club that would just reach out and grab a lady, they do exist. But then so do the women who will do the same. I think ladies are much more "forward" in those situations to the point of being innapropriate than the men are, sadly.

 

Most of the time, I think men end up going out of their way to behave appropriately because they are so worried about someone getting pissed off.

[caveman 15]

We have yet to attend our first club dance and now I'm not so sure if I should be nervous or not. Is it possible just to go in and watch the action without actually entering in on your first visit?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

caveman said:

We have yet to attend our first club dance and now I'm not so sure if I should be nervous or not. Is it possible just to go in and watch the action without actually entering in on your first visit?

Yes. As long as it is okay with the people you are watching.

 

We found that at the off-premise club we attended, after the dance was finished people went up to their hotel rooms. It was know by the regulars what couple usually invited lots of people in. We were invited and this is the first thing you need--an invitation. When we arrived there was someone at the door to okay us, which went easily because we were with a regular at the club who was always welcome in this play room by the couple.

 

From there we just watched, which was fine with them - we did ask if it would be okay to just watch before accepting their invitation. We stayed far enough away not to intrude. But of course, people are all having sex in one room because they like being watched.

 

As long as you communicate clearly what your wishes are, and are considerate of other's wishes, you'll be just fine.