Doing things with a swap partner that you don't do with your spouse

[camelsmilk 15]

Is it appropriate to do things with the new partner that you don't/won't do with your significant other? And, if you do, should you respond differently ( more ecstatic or more excited) than you do with your SO? Just wondering. I want to have fun but not hurt any feelings.

[DBL D 120]

If everyone understands things there shouldn't be a problem.

 

I say let yourself go and talk later.

 

Male D

[mentorcpl 15]

The key question is what won't you do with your SO and why? If it is something like anal sex and your SO does not like it or does not want to engage in that activity then swapping can provide you with the outlet for that activity and that fantasy. But, make sure that your SO is okay with you plunging ahead with that "forbidden" or "excluded" activity because your SO may take your desire to engage in that activity as a rejection of them.

[DBL D 120]

Absolutely make sure it is ok with your SO. We agree!

 

DBL D

[freakykitten 15]

Be yourself and stay true to yourself, would be my best advice on avoidance of hurt feelings.

[WesternSwing 504]

One of our "rules" is that we don't do anything with others that we wouldn't do with each other. There is nothing wrong about showing excitement about being with a swing partner though because that's what it's all about. An exciting, lusty time.

 

Mr. WS

[lovefest04 701]

I've said this before. I'd love to do anal with my SO but she says I'm too big, so its off limits. If a smaller partner showed interest, I believe she'd want to experiment.

 

It would be difficult, but swinging is about living out fantasies including, IMHO pushing the envelope.

 

I have heard a lot of men say they don't like doing oral on a woman, does this mean she shouldn't be allowed to have a swing partner do it?

 

However, if a couple has an agreement then it should be honored. For example, I have read many posts where the couple has agreed not to kiss swing partners, so yes that should be off limits no matter what.

[camelsmilk 15]

The best example would be that the male doesn"t let his wife perform oral sex on him but allows a partners to do it or vice versa, is that kosher? or, if the husband reacts ecstatically to an act that the swing partner does with him, much differently than he reacts to the wife doing the same act with him

[graygo98 148]

One of our "rules" is that we don't do anything with others that we wouldn't do with each other. There is nothing wrong about showing excitement about being with a swing partner though because that's what it's all about. An exciting, lusty time.

 

Mr. WS

 

Dito Dito Dito

[Miss_Piggy 98]

The best example would be that the male doesn"t let his wife perform oral sex on him but allows a partners to do it or vice versa, is that kosher? or, if the husband reacts ecstatically to an act that the swing partner does with him, much differently than he reacts to the wife doing the same act with him

 

Okay - here's the scenerio. Hubby enjoys recieving roal sex from wife. Hubby and wife have a threesome with another woman involved. Woman gives oral sex to hubby and hubby appears to be having the most intense sexual exterience of his life. Here's wife has a couple of options.

 

(a) she can get jealous and upset, feeling that her oral sex technique isn't actually that good.

(b) she can be happy that her hubby is having such a good time and leave it at that.

or

© she can watch what woman is doing, take mental notes, and work out how she can learn something from this situation.

 

Personally, I like option C.

[Vespertine 31]

© she can watch what woman is doing, take mental notes, and work out how she can learn something from this situation.

 

Personally, I like option C.

I like option C, too.

 

I have no jealousy issues with my husband, so I want him to experience the best of what he can. Unlike an old dog, I'm not too old to learn new tricks, I'm always up for new ideas!

[camelsmilk 15]

What about if the situation in the example is reversed(woman really enjoyign oral sex from swap partner but won't let husband perform oral sex on her - even though he wants to? and, my example speaks to an activity that is not encouraged or allowed between the married partners, but excitingly engaged in with the swap partner.

[Miss_Piggy 98]

What about if the situation in the example is reversed(woman really enjoyign oral sex from swap partner but won't let husband perform oral sex on her - even though he wants to?)

 

 

Okay, this is a little different from the "so and so has a better technique situation". If the woman is unwilling to recieve oral sex from her partner but perfectly pleased to do it with a play partner there is something quite misunderstood within this couple.

 

I can think of a couple of reasons that she might act this way but really the husband needs to ask her outright about what is going on - open the lines of communication. It's important for the husband to approach this in a very nonthreatening way - taking an "I'm trying to understand this" approach as opposed to an "I'm pissed off and jealous about this" approach. Inj my mind this would be one of those big issues that would require a lot of careful communication (ie attentive listening) to sort out.

[Vespertine 31]

I once knew a man who loved oral sex, but he had one problem... he couldn't become aroused if someone he really cared about was the one giving him the blowjob.

 

He had this whacked-out complex with oral sex being 'dirty' and he couldn't stand the thought of the woman he loved performing it on him.

 

I can see where someone like him might find himself in a similar situation as the OP.

[good times 991]

I would pick "C" too.

 

First you have to do whatever you are both comfortable with.

 

For us, we don't have any limitations in this regard, we are both free to do whatever feels right at the time and if we experiance something new and scream out in passionate exstacy while we are doing it, thats even better. And yes, we have both had a swing partner do something new that was great, and we had just as much fun at home later recreating it between ourselves.

 

I have to say I find a lot of peoples rules and limitations like, no kissing, nothing we don't do. etc. very confusing. To me that would be like John Force saying "here, you can drive my 320 MPH Funny Car but you can't go over 20 MPH" what would be the point?

[graygo98 148]

"C" also. And, it might not just be technique that leads to the pleasurable experience, but a response triggered by being just really excited by the novely/eroticism of the situation. And that, after all, is why we do it. Because the situation is just such a thrill.

 

The other example, where the woman let the other man pleasure her orally but wouldn't let her husband? Does that really happen? There are women who won't let their man go down? Something that might be more common (cause its the theme of about 100,000 Literotica stories) is the wife who won't give her husband a blowjob going down on another man. I can imagine that because the lifestyle seems to really break down boundaries for folks once they start letting loose. Anyone seen that happen?

 

As to rules, yeah, I agree with the post above. Too many rules and its WTF? Rules that relate to how much risk you are willing to take on (rubbers, for example) or activities that you don't enjoy (anal, maybe) are understandable. But, kissing because its too intimate? Or stroking your partner's face while she performs oral on you? No disrespect to those who feel differently, but having sex with someone is a pretty intimate thing, unless its with a pro in some by-the-hour hotel.

[camelsmilk 15]

My issue is a little different. All of the things about and reasons for swapping are great. But sometimes I get the remark "he can do it well but you(we) should not try to recreate it". You should not try to be him.Which I'm not, but I can tell how much she enjoys it and would like to replicate/recreate in my way that same enjoyment. That's on her side. As for me, I try to give her all the information to do option "c" because its fun with others, but great with my SO.

[dutch51 15]

[quote=graygo98

As to rules, yeah, I agree with the post above. Too many rules and its WTF? Rules that relate to how much risk you are willing to take on (rubbers, for example) or activities that you don't enjoy (anal, maybe) are understandable. But, kissing because its too intimate? Or stroking your partner's face while she performs oral on you? No disrespect to those who feel differently, but having sex with someone is a pretty intimate thing, unless its with a pro in some by-the-hour hotel.

 

That's pretty much what we think. Personally, we don't play with couples who have the "no kissing" rule just because it seems like there are other issues that go along with it-we'd rather just avoid that. If you can't kiss someone, I don't see how you can possibly do anything else with them.

 

As for the OP, I don't think we worry too much about showing excitement. We can have a great, erotic evening with a couple, but we know no one else is going to make either of us feel the way our spouse does, so it's okay to just have some fun. We don't do anything with our swap partners that isn't allowed between us. There may be new techniques, or just things we haven't thought of, but those become great learning experiences we can always try later. There are things we do that we may not do with swap partners however. We would hope that as far as the other couple is concerned, they aren't doing anything with us that is forbidden or discouraged between them- that just seems like asking for trouble.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Why would you want to do something with a new partner that you Don't or Won't with your regular partner? Unless it's a situation where your regular partner doesn't want to but you do. But if you won't do something with your mate, why do it with a date?

 

I know of couples where say hubby loves butt sex but wifey won't do it, however he's allowed to do it with other women they swing with (if they are open to it, of course), and I know of couples where wifey WILL NOT let her husband come in her mouth and HOW DARE HE think he can do it to someone else. That last one bewilders me a bit, but hey, everyone's rules are different.

 

What it comes down to is that you need to set boundaries with YOUR partner so that you are both comfortable, then you need to make sure that those you intend to swing with are aware of those boundaries and that you are aware of theirs, and work within them.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The best example would be that the male doesn"t let his wife perform oral sex on him but allows a partners to do it or vice versa, is that kosher? or, if the husband reacts ecstatically to an act that the swing partner does with him, much differently than he reacts to the wife doing the same act with him

 

He's an ass, and if the roles were reversed my opinion would still be the same. Basically, he is saying to his partner, you don't know how to give head so rather than work with you and talk to you and tell you what I like and don't like about how you do it, I'm just going to make you sit by and watch while they do it.

 

He has no care for her feelings in this situation and is going out of his way to make her feel bad.