Young swingers: Having problems finding others

[Guest <YngSwingers>]

Why are most of the swingers I find in their late 30's early 40's? I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 29 and we are having a hell of a time finding anyone to "swing" with in our own age category. It is very frustrating!!!

 

I've been swinging for 2 years now on luck alone and normally with couples who were not actually swingers it just sort of happens so there is a lot of teaching and giggling at first and they never seem to last very long. Any ideas and or clues into the mystery of the whole thing? I would appreciate any advice at all.

[CanadianCouple 18]

So you've been swinging since age 17?

[PA_RACERS 17]

My husband and I are 26 and 27. We most likely wouldn't swing with you because you are 19. Not knowing you personally, most 19 year olds are not mature enough to handle swinging. We have that problem at our age. People think we are to young.

[ciscosv 26]

My husband is 25 and I am 22. We are the life of the party's because we are so young. I don't think it is as much a question of maturity as it is our commitment and trust with each other. We also don't have a problem with age as long as they don't look like our parents and hopefully are old enough to go to the bars.

[Guest <YngSwingers>]

I wouldn't necessarily call it swinging, like it said it was mostly stuff that just happened with friends or what not.

 

It just made me realize that that was the sort of thing I enjoy and I'm not really one to stick to just one guy. So since my bf likes the idea of swinging too it makes sense for us.

 

I get a lot of attitude from people because of my age, I'm seeing it here too. Is it that you have to be old enough to drink in order to be old enough to swing?

[hotclubcpl4u 15]

I think the problem is that a vast majority of people in the lifestyle have children your age. I know that we wouldn't even consider a 19 yr. old...

[Guest <YngSwingers>]

Well we wouldn't want to be with someone my parents age any more than they would want to be with us. That would be kinda weird and icky

 

But we would like to find others that are closer to our own ages, not necessarily 19 but under 30. We just aren't having an easy time at it.

[Alura 2,774]

We think the reason most swingers are older is that it takes an extraordinary level of commitment to do it successfully. Often, it takes years to build the trust and understanding of each other. Most of the swingers we've met and all those we've played with have been married ten years or more.

 

On the other hand, we wouldn't turn a couple down simply on age, provided, of course, they are over the age of concent and, therefore, legal. They would also have to be unusually mature and committed to each other. Age does not necessarily bring maturity and wisdom, but maturity and wisdom seldom are manifest in the very young.

 

We'd advise you to keep looking. If you don't find someone your age, perhaps you'll find someone who could be tempted to play with a young and tender body. Hmmm, come to think of it...

[CanadianCouple 18]

Well, I'm guessing law enforcement in your state of residence would REALLY prefer you to be of legal age before having sex with others who are. I'm not sure 17 cuts it.

 

Correct?

[Guest <YngSwingers>]

I think that's beside the point at this time, since I'm not 17 anymore and 19 is legal everywhere.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Why are most of the swingers I find in their late 30's early 40's?

 

Well as it's been mentioned, that has a lot to do with the amount of commitment in a relationship that is required to consider this sort of lifestyle.

 

I think tho that more and more younger swingers are discovering this lifestyle early on due to the internet and other means. It used to be something that you only knew about through word of mouth or through the occasional print magazines that weren't that easy to come by either. Now days it's everywhere so more and more people know about it and are thinking about it at an earlier age.

 

[quote=;1819]I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 29 and we are having a hell of a time finding anyone to "swing" with in our own age category. It is very frustrating!!

 

One issue here is that you are two different age brackets. He is old enough to fit into the 30's crowd while you are still pretty young. Sounds to me like maybe you have issue regarding age and are a little too stuck on finding someone YOUR age to play with. Relax and keep an open-mind. If your boyfriend is almost 30 then it won't kill you to swing with people who 30. Granted once you get much older than that you get into that bracket of people who could be your parent and that can get a little weird.

 

Just keep an open mind and if the two of you are really committed to each other and to getting into this lifestyle, it'll happen.

 

 

[ciscosv 26]

I know I am a little late ont he reply for having to be 21 but better late then never. We didn't mean that peole had to be 21. We just know that to get things started it is always easier to loosen up with a couple of drinks first. It is also easier to bea ble to go to place..like the club that we go to...you have to be 21 or older. I am only 22 so i wouldn.t pass by a younger couple it is just easier if you are over 21. But hey, life is never easy.

[d and K 15]

We'd have to agree with the tide of responses so far. Age shouldn't be a factor except for the age of consent rules. We have been to parties that the star of the evening was a young couple or a older "wiser" couple, but guess we thought that we were there to have fun?

 

Finding folks in your age bracket isn't hard as long as you talk to the hosts of local parties, sometimes they can even arrange an under 30 night theme.

[CanadianCouple 18]

Age shouldn't be a factor except for the age of consent rules.

 

That was the point I was making to "yngswingers", regarding the fact she was apparently only 17 years old when she began swinging. Aside from issues of legality, that's simply TOO young to be engaging in this lifestyle, IMO. I chose not to continue debating the point with her, it'd be pointless and only serve to cause further upset.

 

Anyone recall the name Traci Lords? I'm betting certain people in California do. All too well they remember.

[Guest <YngSwingers>]

Again my age when I started is beside the point. But just so that you know 16 is the legal age of consent here, so there is no legal issue.

 

When you refer to Traci Lords that is a completely different thing. The issue with Traci Lords was that you have to be 18 to do porn, not that you have to be 18 to have sex.

[CanadianCouple 18]

In many states, the age of majority is 18. I have no way of determining what it is where you live. And just so you know, it's 14 here.

 

Old enough to have sex, but not make porn. Hmmm... Thanks for clearing that up.

[HondaXL350 15]

To All:

Not that it matters, but you will find that most states these days have the age of consent at 16. Age should not matter as long as the person is mature enough to handle the situation. I myself am 33, but I like younger women. My wife is 26. She was 16 when we started dating, but she had the maturity of a 20 yr old. I agree it's nice to have people your own age to play with, but be open to all... even if they are old enough to be your parents. Just not your grandparents, LOL. Also for us older people, just cuz she's 19 doesn't mean she is a kid. Give her a chance... you'll find she is probably just as much fun as the older women... if not more!

 

YngSwinger,

Good luck finding a match... & if you're near MI, give us a hollar.

[youngswingers 15]

Wow... talk about a lesson in semantics! To your larger point fellow young swingers, we would recommend avoiding the club scene and sticking to private parties and meet-greets at other locations (such as all ages clubs and 18andup clubs). We, at 25, are both still a little young in the club scene. The key to our happiness in the scene is that we rarely go to clubs on our own. Even if you arrange a meeting with people you've met over the internet so it is a group of people rather than just one person/couple you'll find these situation a lot better than clubs. It is kinda rough, we know. But the cool thing is it only gets easier!

[sccple29073 15]

As far as the age thing, well i think 10 years really puts you 2 in different age catagories. I mean lets face it he is going into his 30s and you into your 20s. But besides that, I guess the real problem would be, what are you guys doing to find couples?

 

With the internet becoming so popular I would check out other sites such as this and post ads yourself. I have had pretty good success with yahoo. (of course now they have started charging for a lot of their services)

 

Personally I have a "rule" in which I do not meet with anyone under 21. I do this for a variety of reasons, a few being 1) Some clubs require 21+ ( I usually do first meets at a club) 2) Different Interest.

 

As far as meeting someone older, well my "cut-off" is 40. I know this cut-off will probably change with my age, but for now anyone as old as parents is kinda "icky". I think everyone would agree to that, I mean how many 40 yr olds are interested in a 60 or 70 yr old couple?

 

Good Luck and I think you will find that as you get older your search may become easier and your age range may become larger. (just remember when your guy is 39 you will still be in your 20s)

[NittanyLion 15]

I'd have to agree that age shouldn't be an automatic barrier, but it is something to be considered. I'm 40 and have enjoyed the company of 18-year-olds and 55-year-olds (and have been disappointed by other 18-year-olds and 55-year-olds ). While people of similar age will have more similar cultural experiences just for being in the same age cohort, writing off a younger single/couple as callow or an older single/couple as decrepit can mean missing out of meeting some great people. I like to think of individuals and couples *as* individuals and couples, not as a slice of an age group or a religious group or a racial or ethnic group who must conform to some preconceptions of that group.

 

Of course, after all that, most of my experiences *have* been with those of similar age. But I like to think I'm open-minded enough to discover what make someone tick before saying "yea" or "nay", and the same open-mindedness in others is a turn-on for me.

[TomF_22033 17]

Just my two cents worth, but I know that in my early 20's and late teens I just wasn't ready to let someone that I cared about have sex with someone else. The old green monster. My guess is that most folks in that age group also feel that way. The ones who can handle it are pretty rare (IMHO)

[Quin 17]

I agree, Tom. I have been in and out of swinging since I was in college (19) and it seemed like every time I had a *boyfriend* that activity took a nose dive up until about the age of 28. I don't know that it was necessarily me as I had been indulging in swinging but maybe moreso them.

 

Then I would also like to add that I really never enjoyed swinging as much as I did once I became *mature*. By mature I mean, knowing myself, feeling comfortable with myself, knowing what direction I wanted to take in my life, what my career was going to be, starting that career, paying bills, etc etc, you know that metamorphous that hits people between the ages of 25 and 35, some earlier some later. I know that everyone goes thru many metamorphoses in their lifetimes but it's that big one that I'm speaking of...the one where you wake up one morning and say, 'Boy what a dummy I am...my parents had the clue all along, it was me who didn't have the clue.' That one!!

[Guest <sportync>]

I'm not really sure that I get this age thing. Since Biblical times, men of all ages have been attracted to young women. It was'nt uncommon for women to marry at 12 or 13, and by the time they reached 21, they had already given their husbands a housefull of children. When I was 12, I discovered my fathers stash of Playboy magazines, and also discovered ,to my delight, the desirable qualities of 19 to 25 year old women. I'm celebrating my 55th birthday today, and I am still in awe of beautiful 19-25 year old women. I imagine that if I live long enough, I'll still be attracted to images of beautiful young women well into my 60's, 70's. My wife of twenty years is 17 years younger than I am, and we have a wonderful, loving relationship that I would'nt trade for the world. As far as swinging goes, that is something that we did'nt get into until just a couple of years ago. Yes, it takes a lot of trust, understanding, caring and love to reach the point in a relationship where one feels comfortable enough to share their partner with others. Trust and communication are the key as far as I am concerned. If you love the one you are with, then you do what you can to help them to find happiness and fulfillment. The people we got together were younger then me, and older than my wife, and we had a really good time together. Some women are turned on to younger guys,while others(like my wife) seem to be attracted to older guys. The same can be said for men- some like an older, more experienced woman, while others lust after the young stuff. I don't think Playboy will be featuring centerfolds the same age as Hugh Hefner, but a few years ago they had one hell of a pictorial featuring Joey Heatherton, and she is still a knockout at, what, maybe 60? So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that the age thing does'nt really matter all that much. Hell, vintage wines and vintage automobiles and antique furniture are worth more now than when they were first produced. I like to think that there's more to me now than there was at 20.