single women looked down upon?

[leigh254 15]

Are single women looked down upon in the swinging lifestyle? I just got out of a relationship but I still want to have fun even though I am not attached.

[autumn528 16]

Single women are in great demand and little supply! If you're ever in Jersey...

[intuition897 2,179]

Autumn528 is right, although I might add some fine print to that; single women who have their heads on straight about casual sex are in great demand and little supply. However singles - male OR female - who like to play head games, like to infiltrate and ultimately break up others' relationships, have a 'princess/Miss Thang' syndrome, are rude or disrespectful to either half of a couple (or both halves!), or otherwise enjoy making a pain in the ass of themselves...well those we can do without. We're more flexible about physical appearance than we are about character. If a person has a personality that sucks, we don't play. Period. Life is too short to knowingly put yourself in a situation where you know you're going to stepped on.

[Play-Nice 15]

I would have to agree with intuition897. For my wife and I, attitude is 99% of the fun. As for the demand, we too are also looking for a woman that we can both pleasure and treat like a goddess for a weekend.

 

So if you are ever on your way up to Jersey to see autumn528 make sure you stop in North Carolina for a day or two

[BiDrywallChick 18]

Are single women looked down upon in the swinging lifestyle? I just got out of a relationship but I still want to have fun even though I am not attached.

 

I dont think single women are looked down upon in the swing scene. I have seen more people looking for them than not. HOwever, I do find that I am more leary of single females due to the whole " play the mr against the mrs" attitude that I have recently scene. I know that isnt fair to all single women but that is my confort zone right now. I know couples and married women can play head games as well, i just find it more prominate with single women than married ones. As far as single males, i havent had that ecxperience yet to compare it too

[Dynamar 246]

Hello... friendly, head-screwed-on-straight (IMO), single bi-female here...

 

ITA with Intuition's fine print... good advice everyone should heed. While I've only been "at this" (swinging) for a very short while... I can definitely say I've thought about it and perhaps even subconsciously mentally preparing for it for years. Even, and especially, now that I'm an active lifestyle participant... I'm a voracious reader about what couples need personally, emotionally, sexually.

 

Sometimes it stings a little to read the things that some people post about getting involved with singles, period. However, people's perceptions are their realities and must be dealt with, first and foremost by me... after all, I'm the "outsider" in their relationship. Knowing how others feel gives me new insight into all the ways I must comport myself in order to have success. And by success, I mean... all the parties involved know and like each other; boundaries are communicated, learned, and respected; and everyone has a good time during the occasions we spend together.

 

Leigh... my advice is this: Think, think, think... read, read, read... and formulate in your head the whys of swinging for you. If you are a free-spirited, open-minded gal who loves getting to know some immensely fascinating people on an intimate level then swinging may be for you. As others have mentioned, a single female has perhaps more options than any other group. But it doesn't mean that you won't have your own set of issues and responsibilities to deal with.

 

All the best in finding what you seek, whether you decide to start swinging, or not.

 

ETA: BiDC... Love your new tagline... so glad that song came out, my give-a-damn's been busted for years!

[starlinn 17]

I agree with Dynamar 100% To us, a single female has a gift to offer, and we are secure and understanding enough, to accept. I have found that with a few rules, you can eliminate alot of misunderstanding, and weed out those single females that may have more on her agenda then having fun with a couple. One rule that we follow is that I make the first contact, after showing hubby the profile and pic, if available. This contact is for both of us. The single female sees that there is a couple, not just a male who is trying to get the wife involved, and it will help put the female of a couple at ease. I have found that any red flags will come up during this initial contact. Also, the rule is, if one of us is not interested, neither of us are interested, no matter what.

I agree Leigh, read and decide what it is that you want out of swinging. As a married couple, my advise to you is to be open minded to all that a couple has to offer. Be up front about what you expect and want, and any couple that you play with does the same for you.

[WoodyInSoCal 15]

I think you'll find that single women are treated the same as attached women - at least in healthy swinging where women are in control of whatever activities take place.

[leigh254 15]

Thank you all for the great replies. I appreciate it so much.

[Salome 15]

It has been my experience that single female swingers are looked down upon

in straight lifestyles, by and large being made victims of hegemonic patriarchy (this is not antimasculinist diatribe), but ordinary hipocrasy. Unfortunately more and more women are being subjected to this. This has also been my reluctance to go forward in a lifestyle that I am interested in exploring. To the

lady that has been subjected to females that play games I feel great empathy, and would suggest that they are not true swingers. They are the equivellent of males that just want to use single or SO to ticket them into the scene. I was hoping that one of the virtues of entering as a single woman that I would'nt be putting up w/ such nonsense, but of course there are all kinds of people across the board (even here), so I expect it helps to be a realist. xxx

[JnCC 24]

Are single women looked down upon in the swinging lifestyle? I just got out of a relationship but I still want to have fun even though I am not attached.

Being single IS a "swinging lifestyle." Describing oneself as a "single swinger" is a redundent statement. At least it should be, if you're living your life right.

 

Think about it. You date who you want, when you want, how you want. You can date the same person every night, all night, or you can have a different person every night, thank them for dropping by, then kick 'em to the curb before the ex- brings the kids back home.

 

The "Swinging Lifestyle" is mostly a way for married people to pretend they're single again a few times a month.

[RNDNV 16]

For swingers who have bi-sexual wives, a single woman swinger who is truly bi is not only NOT looked down upon, but is indeed perhaps the most sought after "commodity" (for lack of a better word at the moment) in the Lifestyle.

 

We suggest you deeply examine what it is that you want from swinging. Are you bi or straight, and whatever the answer is for you, ask yourself, are you mainly just interested in partying with the woman or the man? If you are truly bi, and like both genders equally, then as long as you are totally up-front about that, you will have more fun and play partners than you can possibly keep up with. If you are primarily interested in playing with only one gender, then at least be totally honest about what you want, and while your choices will diminish, you will find that some folks will definitely want to play with you as well.

 

Best wishes,

R&D

[todesireu 16]

Single women are in high demand in the lifestyle. Would not look down on you if you showed up on our doorstep! facelick

[VegasLee 1,486]

The "Swinging Lifestyle" is mostly a way for married people to pretend they're single again a few times a month.

 

 

Seeing Laura have a great time with who and how many she desires in a night then KNOWING she is going to go home with ME!

 

That is better then ANY time I ever had single and betting there is not a single person in the world that can match it.

 

The swinging lifestyle is nothing about pretend to us. It is a way of life.

[carolinaskye 15]

reading the above posts really made me feel better,,,,I too have that fear of being looked down on.....I can relate both to the single women and men in fact. I see us singles challenged more in possibly "dating" another single that is both compatible towards any kind of deeper relationship and yet still open to the swinging lifestyle. I am still wondering how would you tell a potential Mr. Right that although he's the greatest....you are really interested in playing together..WOW..thats a pretty tall order new into a relationship...trying to set ground rules..maintain respect for one another..and keep out jealousy as well I'd truly love to hear from any couples who managed to become a couple while exploring swinging..if thats even possibe. And as I am still very new to this idea every post here is eye opening...I hope to some of the wives here I can at least give one single ladies outlook on swinging with a couple..I would HOPE..and certainly at least for me feel, that your commitment and relationship IS the turn on for the other lady...I find it appalling to think there are those out there who are gonna want to come between the two of you rather than admire you and feel honored to play amidst that love for each other..NOT play against it. I truly am learning form these threads o put into consideration a lot more while I am deciding..is this for me? this site is awesome...thanks to all those who post for their honesty and openess.

[EternallySingle 32]

A single person has to do two things couples generally don't have to do. One, they have to present themselves in a way that says they are swinging just because they enjoy something more than one-on-one sex occasionally. If you come across like you need to swing all the time, you might seen be a threat somehow. Two, singles have to prove that they have no interest in one half of a couple more than the other, and that they don't need the couple as a source of a stable relationship, even if it is only sexual. If they do, they may be seen as a threat.

 

The only thing you can do is be patient. There are hundred of profiles saying they are looking for single men, but when I write, most don't respond. There are dozens of ads from single women and couples that say they are looking for black men, but when I write, most don't respond. I shrug my shoulders and move on. Nothing lost on my part except a little time writing someone that I thought might be interested in me. Besides, I went to a party with a beautiful woman last saturday and had dinner with her twice this week. Yesterday I made a date with another woman for lunch Monday. I'm single. I don't need couples to make my social and sexual life exciting. Couples can be fun, but only if they are willing to take a chance and say "well, lets talk to him and see what he's like". If they are not willing to make even that much of an effort, why would I care that they don't want to meet me? I can meet more women between 9 am and 6pm than couple in a month (thats meet and talk to, not meet and play with).

 

Just don't sweat it, and pretty soon you will learn how to recognize who REALLY wants to meet a single woman and who just thinks it will be a good fantasy.

[sushigirl66 15]

the more i read around on here, the happier i am that i'm here! it's odd to be a "single" (divorce in the works...we've been separated three years, he's finally moved onto live-in wife-to-be three) in a lifestyle that is essentially more of a "couples" thing. i'm still moving slowly, have an ad in sls, answering inquiries and basically trying not to make not major errors in judgement. thanks, leigh, for starting the ball rolling...and thanks to everyone else for your imput on the matter.

 

sushigirl, she of the unsolicited feedback that looks oddly like work...to some ;-p

[BiWoman33 15]

For swingers who have bi-sexual wives, a single woman swinger who is truly bi is not only NOT looked down upon, but is indeed perhaps the most sought after "commodity" (for lack of a better word at the moment) in the Lifestyle.

 

I know you used the term "commodity" for lack of a better term, but it definitely hit a button. As a single woman swinging, yes , swinging, who has to make her choices carefully, this is one thing I have found that I avoid. There are some couples who have their own issues that they are still or always working out( I think that rules are fluid, only in that a couple can change theirs as they see fit, as their feelings evolve through experience ).

Sometimes a woman will anticipate her own jealousy, and put a lot of pressure on an experience that does best when it evolves out of mutual enjoyment, flirtation, and fun. Those times I have felt like a commodity, and felt as though I were an inanimate object onto whom a couples fantasies are projected. I have chosen not to play with couples like that- I get a sense that they are forgetting that I am a person with feelings and needs. It just doesn't lend itself to a great connection.

And I know couples who I adore as people, but may not want to play with one of them sexually. In those cases I don't play with them so as not to create a problem.

 

There is a lot of talk about "emotionally healthy" single women, and it needs to be said that there are a fair few married women and men who fall short of emotional health. If you are looking for a sexual predator, you're going to find one.

Trust your intuition and play when you feel it's good for all of you...and don't be afraid to say goodnight when you don't. Mostly you will meet a lot of great people.

[sereneiders 263]

Being single IS a "swinging lifestyle." Describing oneself as a "single swinger" is a redundent statement. At least it should be, if you're living your life right.

...

The "Swinging Lifestyle" is mostly a way for married people to pretend they're single again a few times a month.

 

I gess you wanted to point out something by "putting the charriot in front of the horses" (and my gess comes from knowing -and mostly agreeing with- your oppinions in other threads). But it seems to me this may be misleading for someone who didn't read other posts.

 

I'd say you gave a good definition for "recreational sex", and as a married couple we don't think of the lifestyle as a way to take a vacation from each other prettending we're singles again a few times a month. Moreover, I'd say that could explain what happens to SOME open marriages, where each one is able to meet other people as if they were singles.

 

Swinging is a way to enchance our sexuality AS A COUPLE by means of third ones we share our sexuality with.

 

I believe that, when you said being single IS a "swinging lifestyle", you mean that the lack of attachments allows you to have all the recreational sex you want without further consecuences, and because of this, the idea of a "single swinger" is meaningless.

 

I think we adopt the term "single swinger" to those singles who are aware of the differences between recreational sex and swinging FOR THE COUPLES involved, and take the care to behave properly regarding to those differences, thus are able to pay with swingers under their terms.

 

So, going back to the original thread, I'd say that singles are being looked down upon by the swingers just because the experience shows that most of them are looking just for recreational sex without caring about these differences, and this lack of care turns to be a risk for the swingers (couples) involved.

 

But I believe there are a difference between single males and single females pertaining to cultural and educational facts. The single male trends to look for an easy way to "score", and even when scoring may be a way to feed his ego (or to "do it better" than the hubby), he trends to isolate a competitive attitude regerding the sexual performance. In the other hand, and roughly speaking, the women builds up their own identity in her infance by competing with his mother to get her father attention, setting herself appart from her mother. Thus a women having a competitive attitude wouldn't isolate it to her sexual performance, instead (or also) the contest is likely to include emotional features (i.e., resembling the way she learned before to set herself appart from "other" women as an unique human being), and this raises the risk to another level, moreover because BOTH women, the single and the married one, are culturally wired in the same way to set themselves appart from eachother, leaving the married guy in the place of the judge/father (for example, every comment from the married guy to his wyfe could be listened by her as a judgamental one).

 

Let say, a single guy is able to crush a married guy ego, a single gal may geopardize the married gal own identity (just because of the single gal needing to preserve her own identity).

 

So, for a single woman to be able to be a "swinger", she have to be aware of the difference between swinging and recreational sex, and she'd have to pay attention of the emotional aspects involved (perhaps more than what single guys have to).

[S&E 15]

For swingers who have bi-sexual wives, a single woman swinger who is truly bi is not only NOT looked down upon, but is indeed perhaps the most sought after "commodity" (for lack of a better word at the moment) in the Lifestyle.

 

We suggest you deeply examine what it is that you want from swinging. Are you bi or straight, and whatever the answer is for you, ask yourself, are you mainly just interested in partying with the woman or the man? If you are truly bi, and like both genders equally, then as long as you are totally up-front about that, you will have more fun and play partners than you can possibly keep up with. If you are primarily interested in playing with only one gender, then at least be totally honest about what you want, and while your choices will diminish, you will find that some folks will definitely want to play with you as well.

 

Best wishes,

R&D

 

Again there are many great replies to your question, and most all have valid points. You should not feel looked down upon at all

 

Enjoy,

 

S & E

[TomF_22033 17]

One thought, that was briefly mentioned. Not only are single women swingers looked down on by the outside world, but so are most alternate lifestyles. BDSM, gay, punk rockers, bikers, etc, etc. Any group that isn't "normal" will be treated with suspicion and as weird, or worse.

 

The point I'm trying to make is that if you follow the advice that folks gave, and be respectful, and true to yourself, you'll be special in the lifestyle. This goes not only for swinging but for most things in life. But with this said, I would (and do) be very careful who I let know about my alternate lifestyles, as some folks are very accepting and others aren't. Sadly, even in 2006 we do get discriminated against because of this.

[JnCC 24]

I'd say you gave a good definition for "recreational sex", and as a married couple we don't think of the lifestyle as a way to take a vacation from each other prettending we're singles again a few times a month. Moreover, I'd say that could explain what happens to SOME open marriages, where each one is able to meet other people as if they were singles.

I'm drawing my opinions only from my own experiences in swinging. Obviously, people get into this for different reasons...for some, it IS an occasional "vacation from marriage," while others are never more married than they are when they're having sex with other people.

 

I'd like to think that we were the latter. In our case, the fact that my ex- was a social butterfly and a notorious flirt (still is) was partly responsible for us getting into swinging. Also, we were at a time in our lives (early 40's) when we were both wondering if we "still had it" when it came to attracting others. Both of those factors combined to make swinging a perfect outlet for our playful/flirtacious personalities. Although we were both happy in our relationship, neither of us had lost the "thrill of the chase" in pursuing others.

I believe that, when you said being single IS a "swinging lifestyle", you mean that the lack of attachments allows you to have all the recreational sex you want without further consecuences, and because of this, the idea of a "single swinger" is meaningless.

Uhhhh, I think that's what I meant, What is it, exactly, that swinging couples do? They go to clubs, private parties, or the internet, either to meet people who are nice to know and who might be fun to fuck, or to meet people that would be nice to fuck, and who might be fun to know. They do this, on average, about once or twice a month.

 

As a single guy, I do essentially the same thing, only I'm doing it about once or twice a week. But no matter how often I do it, my reasons for doing this are the same as theirs. Because it's fun!

 

The single male trends to look for an easy way to "score"...

I used to think so, but I don't think any guy who's ever tried to pursue this lifestyle as a single would say it's "easy." The more I learn about the differences in how males and females form their social heirarchies (vertically vs. laterally oriented) the more I'm convinced that the main reason guys go through all the crap of connecting with couples is because...

 

scoring may be a way to feed his ego (or to "do it better" than the hubby), [thus tending to] isolate a competitive attitude regerding the sexual performance.

I'm starting to think so. After all, he's fucking the other guys wives...they're not fucking his. Any zookeeper can tell you who the dominant ape in that cage is...

[sereneiders 263]

JnCC,

 

I said the single male TRENDS to, which means it isn't necesarily the case, and disregarding the actual experience every guy does when trying to make his way in the lifestyle. The truth is that it isn't easy at all, but when a new single guy approaches the lifestyle for the first time, most of the times he think it does, and couples have to deal with these singles until they understand how hard it is and why. Moreover, as a couple, there's no way beforehand to tell experienced singles from inexperienced ones, unless you spend some of your time talking to them, something that may become frustrating.

 

Anyway, I was pointing out the risks for the worst scenarios and what for me would be the most common source of problems both for single males and females, and why I believe single females could represent a higher risk for a couple than single males.

[JnCC 24]

As a couple, there's no way beforehand to tell experienced singles from inexperienced ones, unless you spend some of your time talking to them, something that may become frustrating.

Yea, but that brings on problems of it's own. Normally, I'll attend a swing club only with a friend who is also in the lifestyle. It's been our practice to be friendly with everybody, including single males of which there are (too) many. The problem being that once we've spoken with them, we can't seem to get rid of them...they tend to follow us everywhere for the rest of the evening. We've had situations where we're talking to another couple, they'll butt-in like they belong there. We had one guy that tried to follow the 4 of us into a room one night, and I had to tell him that we weren't interested. He pointed at the other couple, and said,

 

"How about them? Are they interested in a single guy?"

 

"Did they ask you?" I responded...

 

Bottom line is that it's just not worth the hassle of being "nice," if it means we're going to have to be "un-nice" later on. They probably think we're assholes, but it's probably being kinder to them in the long run.

[Frustrated 15]

HOwever, I do find that I am more leary of single females due to the whole " play the mr against the mrs" attitude that I have recently scene. I know that isnt fair to all single women but that is my confort zone right now. I know couples and married women can play head games as well, i just find it more prominate with single women than married ones.

 

I have had this happen MORE than once and frankly it has made me more than ALOT gun shy of wanting single women as a part of the package we are looking for. The Mr. isn't comfortable with single guys for us but he is more than ok with single woman (yes I am bi). I have found him flirting excessively with them (and the women from couples we know) wanting to call them during the day while I am working and have phone sex. I'm affraid that the next step is a one on one meeting for him.........

 

So yes single females are WANTED and SOUGHT after highly but I also hold them at arms length if you know what I mean.

[Dynamar 246]

I have found him flirting excessively with them (and the women from couples we know) wanting to call them during the day while I am working and have phone sex. I'm affraid that the next step is a one on one meeting for him.........

Hate to say it, but from my vantage point, it would seem that your problem is not with single women, but rather your mate.

[funn 15]

Hate to say it, but from my vantage point, it would seem that your problem is not with single women, but rather your mate.

 

 

Wow..you took the words right out of my mouth !

[nteracialcpl 15]

Are single women looked down upon in the swinging lifestyle? I just got out of a relationship but I still want to have fun even though I am not attached.

As has been reiterated here, many times, single women are some of the most sought-after people in "the lifestyle", to a certain extent.

There's always gonna be single guys, looking for companionship, and, if you read the ads of most couples, most of them are looking for a single female to join them, as well.

Of course, as has also been stated, honesty, up-front, is a major prerequisite to avoiding the unpleasant experiences, that can happen when the single woman (as does anyone) has her preferences, and, might prefer this, as opposed to that. If she's honest, with them, then, everyone's given the opportunity to know what to expect, and, either they're all game, or, they're not, and, no one ends up getting their feeling hurt, or, getting involved in an awkward situation.

Don't worry, though...as a single woman, you'll have more choices than just about anyone else. Just be patient, and, what you're looking for will come your way....sooner, as opposed to later, probably!

[soccermom 15]

We would love to find a single female for a lasting relationship!

[nteracialcpl 15]

We would love to find a single female for a lasting relationship!

Yeah, you, and, just about 99% of the rest of us, too!...lol

Best of luck!

[Menos50 15]

WEll, as a new guy in the "game" I can tell you that single bi women are far more sought after than single men. and most of the so called single women seeking males are seeking gullible men to sign up to other pay sites for an income! It is a minefiled out there, and I therefore can begin to understand a couples hesitantcy about bringing a single of either sex into their inner circle. If the wife isn't bi then there is really no reason for her to want another woman in her bed, and if the hubby is bi, then their is probably some contention in the purpose of the single male as well.

 

All the more reason for the honesty and friendship as has been previously stated.... however, how do you get there from scratch?

[Alura 2,774]

You're absolutely right, Menos50. It sounds like a hassel to me. Why not play safe with another couple? Take turns like good children, and you can try all kinds of combinations. MMMmmmmm.

 

Alura

[biggballs 16]

hi, i dont think any single male or females are looked down upon, we all should be able to explore our sexualitys without reservations

[Chicup 41]

hi, i dont think any single male or females are looked down upon, we all should be able to explore our sexualitys without reservations

 

Yea thats great and all but be aware not everyone wants to explore their sexuality with YOU.

 

Thats where the looked down upon comes into play.

 

For a lot of us couples singles really throw off the couples dynamic we enjoy in swinging. Some singles, especially single males think they are somehow entitled to take part, and their behaviour makes all singles look bad.

 

Single females are generally more accepted for MANY reasons, but we had enough turn offs from them that we removed them from our profile add.

 

Really its to each their own, but you need to respect others decisions that don't include you in their play.

[pandabear 15]

hello

[MissKat 15]

I would just add that, as a single woman in the lifestyle, Ive experienced both sides of the coin. On one hand you are in demand to a certain degree but on the other hand there have been quite a few people I've encountered who have a very negative view of singles seeing them as potential troublemakers, flakes or divas. Of course there will be those types out there and its naturally a concern to couples. Best you can do is be upfront with people and let them know exactly what you're looking for. I've also found it helps to let them know why you as a single are swinging.

 

Some people might have had to deal with diva behaviour from a single woman along the lines of her having the attitude that people should be greatful she's spending time with them. So, make the people you're playing with aware of how greatful YOU are that they're sharing things with you.

[3sumff 31]

Just to throw in my two cents in. Single women...you are in high demand. If you feel like swinging then don't worry about what others may think of you. Its your life and if you choose to swing then enjoy yourself. Just be honest! If your in it for no-strings or would like to have some type of friendship that would evolve then let it be known. I wish there were more single women out there that would be swinging. Single women good luck and have fun.

[Amanda69 24]

I played in the lifestyle as a single female for about 2 years. I was treated wonderfully and accepted by so many wonderful couples and clubs. I never got a sense of being looked down on.

 

The key is learning to respect both parts of the couple whether or not the female wants to play Bi or not.

[TheGentleman 15]

No one should look down on anyone for doing the same thing they are doing ... double standard, hypocracy or what ever you call it only means they have not figured out their own life balance.... Demand for single men is not near as much but like other people responded a positive respectful attitude is the most important thing... We all just want to have some fun not ruin the party ... Dont even consider anything contrary if you want to swing.. Make yourself happy ... I would think that as a single woman or any person they should be able to deal with the situation positive within themselves ... thats the most important thing...

[massio345 15]

single people in general should enjoy the time they have as singles, to the best of their ability and not look back on it with regret. I find that being single has it's advantages and it's disadvantages, neverthless we make choises in life that suit us at the moment we make them. So men and woman while you're single have the best time you can have, because minutes later it is all in your past.

[wifes_sex_slave 16]

My wife and I have just join the lifestyle. We have had the oppotunity to go to a club twice but unfortunatley have not had an expeirence as the hubby of the other couple was not into it, even though the wife was all over my wife and myself. If she had not been tied to the hubby we may not be virgins today.

 

My wife's brother and spouse enjoy having 3-somes as neither of them want a couple or another man in their playing.

 

So, as far as I can see - single women are not only in demand but are a very welcome group to the swinging lifestyle.

[eatscherry 15]

Let me tell you from both sides ....EVERY ONE WANTS A SINGLE FEMALE , NOBODY NOW WANTS TO SEE A SINGLE MALE AT ALL . You got it wrong , most of the people that are here got into this lifestyle after the fact. Most of them couldn't and don't get how someone could be single at all. I swing because I'm open and honest about my sex and friendships and you can't be when your in it with one person that you keep stuff from or have to drag into it. As one person already said , it's hard to swing and be single. And if you read this whole thread like I did you'll see that most couples go out of there way to make it wife-swaping and not really swinging .

[sereneiders 263]

Let me tell you from both sides ....EVERY ONE WANTS A SINGLE FEMALE , NOBODY NOW WANTS TO SEE A SINGLE MALE AT ALL . You got it wrong , most of the people that are here got into this lifestyle after the fact. Most of them couldn't and don't get how someone could be single at all. I swing because I'm open and honest about my sex and friendships and you can't be when your in it with one person that you keep stuff from or have to drag into it. As one person already said , it's hard to swing and be single. And if you read this whole thread like I did you'll see that most couples go out of there way to make it wife-swaping and not really swinging .

 

What's YOUR definition for swinging?

 

Because, since you're single, you don't risk too much when you swing, compared with what a couple is risking. IMO, this lack of risk is what tells appart recreational sex from swinging, and because of this a lot of swinger couples claim singles aren't properly swingers.

 

I agree with this, however, I indulge some singles to claim they're swingers only if they UNDERSTAND the risks involved for the couples he/she is having recreational sex with, and is up to add his/her two cents to help them lower that risk, which is something most swinger couples actually do.

 

So, in my book, wife-swapping IS swinging, not having a spouse to swap, or share, or participate, IS NOT. It is just recreational sex, and if you don't understand the leap from "just recreational sex" to "swing", we wouldn't feel contortable nor safe enough as to play with you.

 

Now, this applies both to single females and males, however, in 3 years we just found one single male we would like to play with, among hundreds we wouldn't touch not even with a fire hose (even when we may hang with some of them for a drink), and several single females that are ok for us among a couple of tens (we even engaged in polyamorous relationships with two single women).

[eatscherry 15]

Because I am single I am more out there ,but you are tring like other people are to change something like swinging to suit them after something else has been used up or need some spice . And if your at risk with your woman when you swing , you have other problems . I swinged before my girlfriends, with my girlfriends ,and will if I'm single too because that's my fifestyle .

[sereneiders 263]

Because I am single I am more out there ,but you are tring like other people are to change something like swinging to suit them after something else has been used up or need some spice .

 

Well, I guess you know us better than ourselves, and figured out an explanation for us to swing, as for us to need to make it fit a fancy definition for swinging, which obviously doesn't match yours.

 

However, if you read around some more, you'd see a lot of swingers actually agrees with such a fancy definition. Then you may claim we all swing because of adding some spice to an otherwise dying relationship... and end up concluding that swinging is an activity devised for single people to have fun.

 

And if your at risk with your woman when you swing , you have other problems . I swinged before my girlfriends, with my girlfriends ,and will if I'm single too because that's my fifestyle .

 

This reminds me of Groucho Marx when he said "statistics tells the main cause of divorce is marriage". When you start a relationship, this inherently involve the risk of ending it. When you have a commited relationship, this commitment involves an emotional investment and the risk of getting hurt or hurt the other party. So, upon your viewpoint, people have "other" problems if they risk their relationship, and every relationship is at risk and have to be taken care of to survive and to grow.

 

This is what you call "a problem", and if you perceive a relationship this way, or if you pursue a relationship without any risk, this may prevent you from ever have a commited one. Because there is no commitment without an investment you risk to lose.

 

Since the risk is allways there, couples device their own ways and rules to minimize that risk, and this is specially important when they engage into an activity where their bodies and emotional health can be compromised. To see this, you have to understand the difference between "just sex" and "sex as a way to express love and commitment", because most swingers wants to preserve the love and commitment expressions exclusivelly inside the relationship, and when the "just sex" involve some of those expressions, it may increase the exposure to damage the relationship. And this may happen accidentally... or because the other parties doesn't understand this difference nor care about their relationship (if they do this because they already have problems, don't blame on me for the outcome, I am just fucking with them).

 

You "swinged" with girlfriends, the question is, how much commited you were with those relationship by then. Because, if you was with them while they were not part of your plans for your long term future, it's reasonable to supose you didn't risk too much, allowing you to enjoy the recreational sex without serious attachments to take care of. And THIS is the difference between "just recreational sex" and "swinging".

 

You may say, "well, I swing and I am single, so this doesn't apply to me, so this fancy explanation should be wrong". The problem is, you need couples to swing with... or at least a bunch of people sharing your interests, and I don't know of singles looking just for a bunch of singles to have sex with, they end up relating with couples. So, the whole "swinging" stuff goes around people commited in a relationship, and I believe this grants them some credit as to set up the standards used to tell appart swinging for other activities involving sex, like "just unatached recreational sex", or cheating.

[eatscherry 15]

Risking ? I'm not risking anything because I'm honest from the start and honest with them .And any open relationship should be honest . You only have risk if your gambling or playing games . And swinging shouldent be about that . It should be a all you can eat .

[ShellyM 0]

Let me tell you from both sides ....EVERY ONE WANTS A SINGLE FEMALE , NOBODY NOW WANTS TO SEE A SINGLE MALE AT ALL . You got it wrong , most of the people that are here got into this lifestyle after the fact. Most of them couldn't and don't get how someone could be single at all. I swing because I'm open and honest about my sex and friendships and you can't be when your in it with one person that you keep stuff from or have to drag into it. As one person already said , it's hard to swing and be single. And if you read this whole thread like I did you'll see that most couples go out of there way to make it wife-swaping and not really swinging .

 

I understand that we get frustrated sometimes with the lifestyle, goodness knows I do. However, I don't think you are accurate in this at all. Jay and I are new to swinging, yes. But we like couples very much. I was playing with the idea of MFM, but have decided to stay with couples play for now. I know that alot of couples do 3somes, but alot also do 4somes. Either way is fine, so long as everyone is okay with it.

 

And, I do know lots of couples who enjoy single males very much.

[sereneiders 263]

Risking ? I'm not risking anything because I'm honest from the start and honest with them .And any open relationship should be honest . You only have risk if your gambling or playing games . And swinging shouldent be about that . It should be a all you can eat .

 

A friend of mine used to think the same way you do. He faced his boss and told him, honestly, his oppinion about him and the company. I told him "honesty doesn't necesarily eliminates the risks, as a matter of fact, it has nothing to do with certain risks". I told him "you risk to lose your job".

 

Guess what happend?

 

Honesty is one of many values you have to take into account in a relationship. You may hate you mother in law, but since you know your wife have the chance to enjoy her company a few days a month, you may preffer to shoove your honesty in you pocket just to avoid spoiling her the enjoyment. In any case, it isn't THE RECIPE for a flawless relationship, it may have to do with certain, few, and obvious risks, but it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with the remaining risks people may face when swinging.

 

Moreover, when the other people you play with is, preciselly, people, and not mere objects and toys you can arrange the way you want to set up the safest of the games. The other people will behave the way they want, the way they can, and this is ok.... even when this may impose certain threats, some that you don't know in advance. You may be one of those "others", and you could be able to mess up things for a couple... and later on get rid of the easy, oversimplified recipe of "honesty" as to blame THEIR lack of honesty for the mess.

 

So, it is a matter of being responsible for what you do, besides how honest you want to be, understanding where you fit in. The "honesty" recipe is a good one, but it isn'e enough, and by claiming it should be enough, I believe you want to avoid your share of responsibility.

[eatscherry 15]

Honesty is the best because I don't see it as a playing with somone . Straight up, If I'm in a relationship or friendship or swinging in a group of people or orgy and I can't be honest and or trust them and them with me, I do not want them around...period . I get what your saying . But why play games or put on a front in your personal life too ? To swing is to be open with it .

[oddcouple2841 16]

This is K

 

S and I discussed this a bit last evening. I myself believe many solo women fit one of the catagories below

 

cheating or soft cheating (email / chat only)

Desperate, (you know what I mean)

Looking for a mate with an income and a track record (i.e. husband stealer)

homosexual having trouble finding a date.

 

Perhaps it is having over 20 years experience with women in general that I base my opinion on or perhaps because where we live any bi or str8 woman who is in the least bit attractive can get a date every night of the week and thinner ladies are at a double premium.

 

Don't get me wrong I realize there are lots of solo males out there that fit the catagories above but we are discussing single women in this thread!

 

There are exceptions to the rules out there but these will likely few be and far between and usually set such high expectations that average couples like ourselves would not have a chance. I even went on a limb and made contact with at least 10 women nearer to us from AFF who's profile said they had been on recently, were seeking couples and asked them to take a look at our profile. Out of that group we recieved one reponse saying no thank you. Now I am inclinded to think that the one that said no thank you was probably the only one who might prove trustworthy. With solo males you will get 7 or more responses to invitations to view our profiles for every 10 you contact. (this last part could be because we will at least respond to all inquiries even if just to say thanks but no thanks)

 

Now I ask you, if single ladies swinging solo were looked down upon do you really think they could be so choosy? Just my opinionated male take on it .