Outstanding things people say in their profile

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Back in December 2004 I started the thread "50 miles out and 36 men." In that thread I shared some of the more amusing lines I'd found on some men's profiles on Swing Lifestyle.

 

I checked back today to see if things had changed much. The men have dwindled to 29, and most profiles are new.

 

Here are some of the standout lines from a few of the new profiles:

 

"I will make you cum like a river and treat you like a queen"

 

"Give me a chance?" (the opening line from a cheating husband)

 

"A man who can please everyone"

 

"just looking what is out there and how people are having fun...and I am not"

 

"I am sexy (of course!) with a great sense of humor. Oh and I can also breathe thru my ears."

 

 

Here are some I found on couple's profiles:

 

"go easy on us we are ne to this {sorta}"

 

"here goes nothing"

 

"wife loves big dicks"

 

"Dirty Old Man and Sci Fi Freak"

 

"Still Pondering Swinging"

 

What outstanding tag lines or statements from profiles have you come across?

 

LM

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I'll have to go look but one that sticks out and makes me laugh every time I see it is a couple who uses the Tag Line:

 

"Free Beer"

 

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

I saw a single male use the line

 

"FREE SHOES"

 

"If that doesn't get a womans attention-nothing will..."

[rntsvo 15]

I don't know if this really sticks out or not but I found it a little funny

 

"love to ride with good friends"

[two4youinswva 3,068]

LikeMinds321 said:

What outstanding tag lines or statements from profiles have you come across?

LM

 

"Seeking someone to 'tame the beast'

 

"Like to Fish"

 

"Git R Done"

 

"I have a large cock, but not huge"

 

"The memory you've been looking for"

 

"Just want to fuck any woman"

 

"Want to try things I can't get at home"

 

"Never Satisfied"

 

"Big, but good"

 

"Back in the Saddle"

 

EDIT:

 

1 More:

"Helping straight guys come out of their shell"

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

"love to ride with good friends"

I bet they own a Harley.

 

 

 

1 More:

"Helping straight guys come out of their shell" :rollseyes:

 

I have to admit, even I would open that profile. A tag line like that gets your curiosity up.

 

Mr Naughty, "Free Beer" - now that's party people!

 

LM

[DaveNSheila 16]

There is one near us that states. Will fuck for beer

[JnCC 24]

Best one was on a couples profile on another swingers website. It said, in bold type...

 

NO annual sex!!!

 

We met them, and they actually turned out to be a nice couple...just bad spellers.

[Just_us49 32]

This is the tag line and part of the profile of a single male on SLS (he's good looking too!)

Pre-owned luxury model with all the extras

 

Free test drives are now being offered. I come complete with a money back guarantee and an extended service warranty. I am a 39 year old divorced male. I have low mileage and was driven only on Sundays. The standard features: 6'0", 180', blue eyes, brown hair (okay some grey), athletic build. Dealer options: hair on my head (not on my back), all my teeth, college educated, and fully employed. Additional options include conversational ability and a good sense of humor.

 

-M

[starlinn 17]

I seen a profile from a single bi woman that said "You must be in the same economical class as I".

I couldn't resist. I emailed her and asked her if she lived in a trailer or a mansion. I wanted to know if I was in her class.

Haven't heard anything yet...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

this one was just too good to not see if we can't add to it.

[havefuninsun 122]

"We're not looking for Ken and Barbie -- they don't have any genitals!"

 

(We actually know this couple and they're as fun as their tag line)

[cubnamy1995 124]

Our tag line on SLS for a little while was "Premium Poon at Wholesale Prices". We got quite a few hits from that. I'm good at these. Here are a few more off the top of my head:

 

"We're not into pain or donkey shows...anymore"

"Porn Stars sent back down to the Minors"

"She likes it in the ass, he just is an ass"

"Wife says I'm the best. Need a second opinion"

"Now that my presidential campaign is over, time to play!"

"Wife once blew Dale Jr." That would actually get you hits in the south!

"If anybody finds a wedding band in their ass from last night, dial 555-7534"

 

I'll have to think on it some more.

[tropicalmix 16]

We saw one recently that stated "She's bi, he's a total lesbian".

[sweet_tna 680]

"Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck"

 

"What if the hokey pokey is what it is really all about?"

 

=)

[ncmd_couple 597]

We saw one recently that stated "She's bi, he's a total lesbian".

 

I like that one, I'm a lesbian!!

 

S

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Saw this one on a couples profile today and it made me LOL:

 

"Arguing, Whiny Couple seeks playmates to take sides"

[prettylady 221]

Take them saddlebags and toss them over me....lets ride

 

Your friend,

Prettylady:kissface:

[lustylearning 705]

"no drama!!!!!!

No Drama!!!!!!!!!!

NO DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And just in case you don't understand.........

 

NO GODDAMN DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

This made me laugh so hard the first time I read it:D

[Hot Raleigh Cpl 164]

One that comes to mind was

 

"I've been fucking busy ... and vice versa."

[Mr. Sweet 47]

One of Mrs. Sweet's and mine favorite profiles:

 

"We found it's most entertaining if you keep your partner completely in the dark about why you are meeting us. Secrets work great and we love lots of drama. Whatever you do, do not talk to each other about swinging. You already know what you want, why spoil the surprise by communicating. Talking isn't sexy, just fucking."

 

[good times 991]

I saw this tag line when perving the profile of one of our friends we meet at a swingers board meet up today.

 

We love the good times

 

Feels good to be loved.

[good times 991]

single guys tag line,

 

20 years without sex and ready to step out

 

Wonder if that is working for him?

[good times 991]

I thought this one was kind of cute.

 

got milf?

[fun4Ds 1,098]

I saw this tag line when perving the profile of one of our friends we meet at a swingers board meet up today.

 

We love the good times

 

Feels good to be loved.

 

Hey, we saw that also

 

Actually, there is a two fold story behind the tag line

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I saw a funny one a couple years back:

 

"We're plasma donors for high-def televisions"

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

"We're plasma donors for high-def televisions"

Took me a minute. But I got it.

 

M

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

I'm getting a good laugh from all the posts. Thanks for sharing.

 

 

Here are some I recently came across on SLS that got my attention:

 

"In Need of A Sexy Lady to Model Naughty Undies"

 

"I Wanna Fill Her With Cum"

 

"I'm not sure about this?"

 

"I have a really cute mount & dismount"

 

"hey at least look at my profile"

 

"Change is a good thing"

 

"moosecock"

 

"they say the older the buck the stiffer the horn"

 

LM

[Malachista 170]

From a SF:

 

Are you a witch-whisperer?

[curiousagain 326]

One I saw the other day made me laugh and look further.

 

"I suck"

[cocpl2007 170]

Here is one that always catches our eye:

 

We are a fun couple....

 

NO, sorry, we only play with Un-Fun couples! Dahhh

[SecretAsianMan 348]

My own tag-line is an old cliche:

 

"Have some... you'll want some more an hour later"

[jdavisauto 73]

Damn I need to come up with something. I feel left out. Hay how about starting a "I feel left out" group?

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

Damn I need to come up with something. I feel left out. Hay how about starting a "I feel left out" group?

How about this?

 

Stop laughing or I will put my clothes back on.

 

I think your signature line is hilarious! I would have to open up a profile with that tagline.

 

LM

[jdavisauto 73]

How about this?

 

Stop laughing or I will put my clothes back on.

 

I think your signature line is hilarious! I would have to open up a profile with that tagline.

 

LM

 

Didn't think about that one.

[Malachista 170]

That reminds me of:

 

"Lame party! I leave as soon as I find my cloths"

[2inSanDiego4u 181]

How about this?

 

Stop laughing or I will put my clothes back on.

 

I think your signature line is hilarious! I would have to open up a profile with that tagline.

 

LM

 

Our signature line is actually a rip from someone else's profile - "Doggie Style is Mandatory.". They were actually very serious about this, it was the only position they wanted to do, and the whole thing made us laugh!

[Opportunists 17]

not a one-liner, but this is my favorite description from a SM... i refer back to it when i'm in the mood for a chuckle:

 

I have an assortment of hobbies and interests as long as you might imagine. I'm a private pilot, and I enjoy flying frequently. I also enjoy traveling and I get an opportunity to do so both for work and pleasure. Last year I visited 4 other countries. I've been backpacking through Vietnam and Cambodia, I've been to Kenya for a 2 week photo safari and to Tanzania to climb Mt Kilimanjaro. I've been diving in the Indonesian Seas for weeks on end without seeing another human.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

not a one-liner, but this is my favorite description from a SM... i refer back to it when i'm in the mood for a chuckle:

 

Dang, is he wanting some one to chase him down to fuck him.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Ok, I saw this one two days ago.

 

"2007 is going to be a great year for swinging".

 

 

 

(If only the username had been "McFly")

[PB&J 1,086]

A man on one site advertises himself as "semi-circumcised" ???????????

[Thrax 384]

From the description of the husband in one couple's profile:

 

...and he has a full head of curly brown hair and blue eyes.

 

Unfortunately, there were no face pics of him to confirm this.

 

Thrax

[spamcatcher 36]

"looking for a reason not to give up on this site" -- from a couple whose profile had no pictures, no physical description of themselves and nothing to indicate their areas of interest aside from 'hanging out' and 'shooting pool.' Hey -- give US a reason to be interested in you!

 

"I know I'm cutting my own throat by doing this" -- from a married guy who admits that his wife doesn't know that he's signed up on a swingers' site.

"Hmmmmm, so far this is not working. Any suggestions?" -- From a couple who have been registered with SLS for a year and a half. SUGGESTON: TRY ANSWERING MESSAGES THAT ARE SENT TO YOU! (based upon the non-response I got...)

 

Sheesh...

[ncmd_couple 597]

One thing that gets me are the profiles that have been on the site for a couple of years. Yet they still are written with the "we are new" "we have no experience" "don't know what we are looking for" etc. etc. etc. And they were on-line today.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Allow me to be frank at the commencement, you will not like me....

 

 

This is only a small portion of one of the strangest profiles I've ever seen

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Allow me to be frank at the commencement, you will not like me....

 

 

This is only a small portion of one of the strangest profiles I've ever seen

I'd love to read the rest of that one.

 

Tag lines can be real grabbers, even if you know you won't be interested you just have to open it and get the rest of the story.

 

LM

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I'd love to read the rest of that one.

 

Tag lines can be real grabbers, even if you know you won't be interested you just have to open it and get the rest of the story.

 

LM

 

Oh that's not the tagline... it's actually in the middle of the profile, after another paragraph of gibberish. I think it's one of those profiles where if you get the profile you get them and you'll click. If you don't, you won't.

[MrkLin 393]

I thought this was a cute line...

 

"she is very out going....I'm just the nice guy she met....."

 

And...

 

"Single men we will find U....that includes IM's...If U do not respect that U will be visited by the castration fairy in the middle of the night! We all know that masturbation does not cause hairy palms but apparently it does cause illiteracy!"

[K&JIntimates 66]

Hoping to get on your naughty list....Wanna get on ours?

 

Monday thru Friday my body is a temple. On the weekend it's an amusement park..........

Save The TaTa's

 

We've met the posters of quote 1 & 3 and they are both great couples.

[spamcatcher 36]

"fit, mature, progressive, educated professional childless couple we don't suffer fools (republicans) lightly"

 

No matter what your politics are, is it wise to summarily alienate half the people in the country with one stupid statement?