Outstanding things people say in their profile

[spamcatcher 36]

And another one from SLS, quoted verbatim:

 

 

We Are Looking For:

 

"Looking for first bi ex/little shy sexy and nice girl house party wife never been orshe loves boatng very been on lake st clare"

 

Description:

 

"gooding looking girl north of the border but like too try or be tryed south of the border for first timer any hourse partys let us known thank,s"

 

Don't know about you, but this profile makes me HOT! (not)

[CXXC 435]

"fit, mature, progressive, educated professional childless couple we don't suffer fools (republicans) lightly"

 

No matter what your politics are, is it wise to summarily alienate half the people in the country with one stupid statement?

 

I saw one just like that. They stated in their profile, "We don't like Bush!"

I thought that was odd as the perv in me was reading at the time. I sent them a quick E-mail asking what they thought of a nice trimmed bush. The reply was a basic flame against the GOP.

 

I just sat back and thought, "WTF?"

[spamcatcher 36]

I saw one just like that. They stated in their profile, I sent them a quick E-mail asking what they thought of a nice trimmed bush. The reply was a basic flame against the GOP.

 

We try to leave politics out of this. I enjoy a good political discussion/debate/argument probably more than most, but we're here because we want to play, not argue!

[Tracey2 103]

Wow. I had to post here after coming across this gem:

 

UPDATE: it would be kinky if we could find someone that owned a male dog for fun.

 

All I have to say is

[Chicup 41]

I saw one just like that. They stated in their profile, "We don't like Bush!"

I thought that was odd as the perv in me was reading at the time. I sent them a quick E-mail asking what they thought of a nice trimmed bush. The reply was a basic flame against the GOP.

 

I just sat back and thought, "WTF?"

 

Some people seem to have substituted politics in place of their religion and in so doing seem to have put all the of bigotry and blind faith you find in a fundamentalist in their politics. If I were still in school it would make a fascinating paper, I wonder if its been done.

 

The way to think about these things is that you are lucky they identify themselves so easily. Its like the other no (insert race, religion, whatever) profiles out there.

[ncmd_couple 597]

We are probably getting dangerously close to having a political discussion here, and that is something that is not allowed on Swinger's Board. Lets just chalk it up to posting your political beliefs in your profile are not a wise decision and leave it at that.

 

Thanks!

[two4youinswva 3,068]

"gooding looking girl north of the border but like too try or be tryed south of the border for first timer .......

 

Other than their grammar errors, I actually found that to be a funny way to say she's bi-curious.

- But that's just me and my teenage/Blink-182 sense of humor.

[Thrax 384]

Here's one:

 

and im a person who pays very to detail

 

FAIL.

 

Thrax

[NotSorry 155]

This one made me smile:

 

"If I Knew It Was Gonna Be This Kinda Party..."

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Someone had this listed as their tagline on SLS. It got me for a second until I read it.

 

User has elected to be INVISIBLE to members with NO sense of humor!

 

 

 

 

and this was the tagline for the very next profile....

 

 

We have all of our TEETH!!!

[IvoryTowers 380]

We really liked this one on SLS:

 

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

[NCfuncouple98 367]

We really liked this one on SLS:

 

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

 

I know I'm taking the thread off target here, but - the newest one I like from Nickelback:

 

S is for the Simple Need. E is for the Ecstasy. X is just to mark the spot cause that's the one you really want..... Sex is always the answer, it's never the question.

[fun4Ds 1,098]

FWIW, I saw one that said "we want to find a couple that we can have a fight with from time to time"

 

I tried to find a way that this could have been a typo, and couldn't !

[MrkLin 393]

I mentioned a friend of ours in another thread, who has a twisted sense of humor, and applies it to their profile. I checked it again this morning, and got this line from it.

 

"U should be a socially retarded couple that rarely bathes, brushes, or shaves. “The hairier the better” is what we always say."

 

They probably have the longest profile that I've ever seen, and it's friggin' hilarious. I hesitate to post a link to it because I don't know if that's allowed. I do find the thought of him noticing that the number of people checking out their profile has suddenly jumped for no apparent reason to be funny though...

 

Yeah, he's not the only twisted one...

[The Fuse 1,012]

FWIW, I saw one that said "we want to find a couple that we can have a fight with from time to time"

 

I tried to find a way that this could have been a typo, and couldn't !

Sounds like this was intentional, but if you change the 'f' in "fight" to an 'n', it would instantly be a more normal tag line.

[curioussnk 17]

FWIW, I saw one that said "we want to find a couple that we can have a fight with from time to time"

 

I tried to find a way that this could have been a typo, and couldn't !

 

 

My thoughts went to make up sex!!!

[pants_1 27]

Ok, these are not actual taglines I've seen (yet), but I thought I'd throw them out there for people to pike, swipe, purloin, gaffle, pinch, pick, snag, or otherwise misappropriate. Listed here with their origin:

 

I'm very bendy - Friends quote

 

Sex appeal: give generously - T-shirt

 

Nobody knows I'm a lesbian - T-shirt I used to wear in solidarity with women-lovers everywhere

 

I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is - T-shirt my ex-girlfriend considered getting me before she got me the last one... it hit a little too close to home

 

If you think sex is overrated, you underestimate me - keychain I had when I was a dorky teenager (my mom bought it for me... weird)

 

I melt in your mouth, not in your hands - duh...

 

Soldiers need Hummers - T-shirt

 

Nice shoes, wanna f*** - button

 

My place or right here? - button

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

"It's not about us, it's ALL about us"

[Speed & Trixie 163]

He he, this one caught my eye the other day... and it was a super-hot woman!

 

"I snatch kisses and vice versa"

 

Yes please

Trixie

[NotSorry 155]

I came across this tagline earlier in the month that made me laugh:

"Damn the groundhog to hell"

[IowaCouple 15]

I'm getting a good laugh from all the posts. Thanks for sharing.

 

 

Here are some I recently came across on Swing Lifestyle that got my attention:

 

 

 

 

"moosecock"

 

 

LM

 

 

OMG, I just saw this one too! Wonder if we are in the same area. It definitely got my attention! We are new on there so ours is really lame and boring and no pics

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Found this tagline today at a Swing Lifestyle profile. I swear I did not make this one up.

 

BEEN ENJOYING SEX FOR YEARS,THINK IM READY TO INCLUDE A PARTNER

[JustMrJ 178]

Ours is not a tagline, but we probably should think up a good one...

 

"Looking for playmates. Meets and Greets FIRST."

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

This morning, I read the most incredible statement in an SLS profile. Quote, "She can go all night. He, after a point, has to stop for fear of a heart attack." I almost fell out of my chair.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Here are some more SLS Sillies.

 

"He can't do this stuff unless she's around"

 

"Wish I could think of something cool to write."

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Wow. Somebody must be shooting stupidity rays from the planet Mongo. Here is another one.

 

"want to receive don't want to give"

[Chicup 41]

I've been skimming our local ones lately and my favorite was one that did their best to sound very educated, they obviously took out the thesaurus for it, yet made very common grammatical errors in many places. Whats worse is that they STRESSED how educated and sophisticated they were in the add.

 

Much like in literature, if the author isn't sophisticated, don't try to be something you are not and have no experience with.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

I've been skimming our local ones lately and my favorite was one that did their best to sound very educated, they obviously took out the thesaurus for it, yet made very common grammatical errors in many places. Whats worse is that they STRESSED how educated and sophisticated they were in the add.

 

Much like in literature, if the author isn't sophisticated, don't try to be something you are not and have no experience with.

Everybody tells me that I simply imagined this. But I would be ready to take an oath in a court of law that Fred Flintstone used to do cigarette advertisements. One that I remember vividly was Fred asking the question. "What do you want, good grammar or good taste?" Of course, the answer in my juvenile mind was, and still is, good taste. The people who manufactured Winston cigarettes, as some of you might recall, used to advertise, "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should."

[Chicup 41]

Everybody tells me that I simply imagined this. But I would be ready to take an oath in a court of law that Fred Flintstone used to do cigarette advertisements. One that I remember vividly was Fred asking the question. "What do you want, good grammar or good taste?" Of course, the answer in my juvenile mind was, and still is, good taste. The people who manufactured Winston cigarettes, as some of you might recall, used to advertise, "Winston tastes good like a cigarette should."

 

Everybody, as usual, is wrong

 

 

 

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Chicup said:

Everybody, as usual, is wrong

Wow! Even Wilma smoked. That part I did not remember. And the it's-what's-up-front-that-counts business. That's pretty suggestive. Thanks for looking this up. It's a great blast of nostalgia.

 

This station now returns you to regular programming -- looking up outstanding stuff that people say in their profiles.

[Meetussoon 68]

"your only as old as the people you feel."

 

"It may not be very big around, but it sure is short" -- I use that line.

[slevin 1,374]

Just came across an ad that made me shake my head:

 

A married woman who openly admits that she is unhappy at home and is looking to cheat on her husband.......but if you are a married man looking to cheat then don't even think about contacting her!

 

I'm not a fan of cheating, but come on lady lol

[slevin 1,374]

Came across yet another good one:

 

"We have realized that we are wasting some of the best years of our lives in a relationship"

 

Wow! I think that statement sent me running away from their profile faster than any other I've come across!!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

"It's not about us, it's ALL about us"

 

We almost had the opportunity to meet the couple with the above in their profile... instead they called late to say that they weren't coming because they didn't like the restaurant we were having dinner at and had (for some reason) thought we were meeting at a different restaurant... so since they didn't like that restaurant they wouldn't be coming. I got the message AFTER I saw them walk by the window of the restaurant evidently they ended up at the restaurant next door that they thought we were meeting at. And yes their message sounded every bit like the line above.

[Chicup 41]

We almost had the opportunity to meet the couple with the above in their profile... instead they called late to say that they weren't coming because they didn't like the restaurant we were having dinner at and had (for some reason) thought we were meeting at a different restaurant... so since they didn't like that restaurant they wouldn't be coming. I got the message AFTER I saw them walk by the window of the restaurant evidently they ended up at the restaurant next door that they thought we were meeting at. And yes their message sounded every bit like the line above.

 

YouTube - Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy

[sweet_tna 680]

We almost had the opportunity to meet the couple with the above in their profile... instead they called late to say that they weren't coming because they didn't like the restaurant we were having dinner at and had (for some reason) thought we were meeting at a different restaurant... so since they didn't like that restaurant they wouldn't be coming. I got the message AFTER I saw them walk by the window of the restaurant evidently they ended up at the restaurant next door that they thought we were meeting at. And yes their message sounded every bit like the line above.

 

Sheesh, that's one of those times when ya' might actually be GLAD to get stood up!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Sheesh, that's one of those times when ya' might actually be GLAD to get stood up!

 

We weren't disappointed that they didn't show... and I don't think anyone else was either. In a way I was glad she called since I'd clearly seen them walk right by the window of the restaurant... on the other hand I'm glad they called as it showed us just what type of people they are not to bother inviting them again.

[Chicup 41]

Sometimes you have to wonder how people function in normal society.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Another addition to my continuing series "S L S Silliness". All of these statements are from the same profile:

 

. . . looking for single bi-woman to play with husband while wife watches . . .

 

. . . Husband is very particular . . . .

 

. . . Very busy lives at this time, so our time is very limited . . .

 

My estimate is that this man has about a one-in-a-million chance.

[Powerglide 235]

One that I couldn't resist, and which ended up leading to our having a great relationship with a terrific couple:

"Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is 'Yes!'"

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

"Sex isn't the answer. Sex is the question. The answer is 'Yes!'"

I think the couple should secure a trade mark for this:D

[ownerspet 506]

Here is something I found in a profile recently as what the couple was searching for:

 

"......... The couple would need to have a bi-female with a little experience as this is my first time with another woman. I would prefer her to be clean shaven and along the same body size as myself....... "

 

So I glance at the stats of the woman considering her preferences for someone along the same size as herself. I find that the woman is 5 foot 3 inches and weighs absolutely nothing. Yes zero pounds was listed. That is correct they are apparently looking for a woman who is around 5'3" tall and who weighs around, I don't know 5 to 10 pounds (or less) I guess. I'm not sure how to define "along the same size."

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

ownerspet said:

"......... The couple would need to have a bi-female with a little experience as this is my first time with another woman. I would prefer her to be clean shaven and along the same body size as myself....... "

If this woman stopped shaving, she would double her weight in a week.

 

These people should put their profile up for review in our https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/25745-couples-profile-reviews/ discussion.

[spicylife42 31]

I posted in an email. "Swing virgins want to pop our cherry" unfortunately I did not check for typos and actually said "poop" LOL

 

gee and I wonder why I did not get a reply

[Chicup 41]

We are very attractive with average bodies and are looking for the same in you.

 

I'm not really sure if thats a good thing or not....

 

COLLEGE EDUCATED, SMART, VERY CLEAN AND DOWN TO EARTH WITH A HINT OF SPONTANEOUS SPARK IN LIFE.

 

Listed as age 23. What college educated 23 year old doesn't know that they shouldn't type in all caps? (the profile was all caps)

 

we are very well educated with high degrees but have never done this before.

 

We also apparently don't know how to use capital letters while typing.

[ALilOEverything 901]

I ran across a profile that I thought was a total joke with the worst spelling and writing I've ever seen. Well apparently people they've contacted have pointed out the errors of their way and this was added:

 

"And what does spelling have to do with screwing good anyway!!!"

 

It was the only sentence where all their spelling was correct.

[Guest warrencouple]

Well, we've got a thread for things not to do in a profile, and for reviewing profiles, so here's one for the amusing things you've seen in a profile. Anything from a profile with pics of a man and woman, but listed as 2 women, or whatever, just stuff in profiles that made you chuckle...

 

Starting off, I was browsing the profile site that the club we've been to has begun to roll out (still in a members only beta, I believe) I noticed the profile for the couple I believe does many of the intro to swinging seminars.

 

Then, I looked.

 

I think someone wasn't paying attention when they filled it out, as I don't believe that the wife of the couple is 6'-8", 225lbs, and bald; while the man is listed as being 5'6", 150lbs, and blonde hair...

 

Oops. If / when we go back to the club, if it hasn't been fixed by then, I think if they are there, and it is them, I'm going to razz them about it. Happily, they're a very friendly couple.

 

Jason

[PB&J 1,086]

Jason, I think the problem with that website is that the program is IMPOSSIBLE to work with!! When you try to save correct info it fucks it up. I know, I've tried. grrrr.

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

well I change ours up all the time, but it currently reads "we are putting you on our 'to-do' list"

[slevin 1,374]

We just came across a profile that said something along the lines of:

 

"We used to have a profile here under a different name, but her ex hacked the password and deleted the account."

 

Hah! I don't think we'd want to get involved in that drama potential!