Bi/Bi-curious/Bi-Other?

[NaughtyKitten 16]

It occurred to me recently that the definition of bi-curious covers a wide range of interest level. Here are 2 examples:

 

Woman 1: A wife who's hubby wants to see her with another woman. She has never fantasized about other women. She is interested on a very minimal level and only for her husband's pleasure. She is not at all sure if she will like it.

 

Woman 2: A woman who has always fantasized about other women but has never had the experience. She is very interested and quite sure she will enjoy the experience when it happens. She may be actively seeking women to play with.

 

Obviously there are many other situations and interest levels. With this range of interest levels is it fair to lump every bi-curious woman in to same definition? I've seen couples here say they don't want to play with bi-curious women, only bi. How can woman 2 get her chance? She would like to call herself bi based on her very high interest level but can't since she has never actually been with another woman. Is there another way to identify herself? Any suggestions?

 

[turrywolez 16]

I too have this kind of problem. I am not bi-curious, I have been with many women and have enjoyed it most of the time - but that is not what I am looking for at all, therefore I do not call myself bi. However I am not objectionable to girl on girl action if it is something that seems right in the moment- in fact I will more than likely enjoy it. It is just not what I want out of our lifestyle experience. I have had to explain this to couples we were interested in who said not unless I was bi...

 

Where do I fit in?

[DBL D 120]

Help them Ves! Where's that thread about the different types of "Bi"?

 

Male D

[Vespertine 31]

DBL D said:

Help them Ves! Where's that thread about the different types of "Bi"?

 

Male D

Here's the thread you're referring to, M.D.

 

WHO IS BISEXUAL?*

 

As you can see, there is no simple definition of bisexuality, and bisexual people are a very diverse group. There are several theories about different models of bisexual behavior. J. R. Little identifies at least 13 types of bisexuality, as defined by sexual desires and experiences. They are:

 

Alternating bisexuals:

may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.

Circumstantial bisexuals:

primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship bisexuals:

have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals:

either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.

Emotional bisexuals:

have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals:

have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals:

either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or "see what it's like."

Hedonistic bisexuals:

primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals:

primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals:

100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals:

completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals:

straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.

Transitional bisexuals:

temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.

 

Many of these people might not call themselves bisexual, but because they are attracted to and have relationships with both men and women, they are in fact bisexual.

 

 

Now let's toss in a brief summary on Kinsey

 

Dr. Alfred Kinsey created a scale, graduated between heterosexuality and homosexuality, to rate individuals on actual experiences and psychological reactions. The ratings are as follows:

 

0 - Entirely heterosexual.

1 - Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual.

2 - Predominantly heterosexual, but with a distinct homosexual history.

3 - Equally heterosexual and homosexual.

4 - Predominantly homosexual, but with a distinct heterosexual history.

5 - Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual.

6 - Entirely homosexual.

 

Clearly anything above 0 and less than 6 can be defined as bisexual. Although many people will say "I am Kinsey (whatever)," it should be noted that subsequent researchers such as Klein have found it more useful to rate people on a variety of levels, such as "Past History," "Present History," "Present Feelings," and "Future Inclinations". Nevertheless the Kinsey scale remains a useful tool for discussion of sexuality precisely because it is so simple.

 

 

Wow. Talk about labels.

 

No more Bi Vs. Bi-curious. There are subcategories for bi's now.

 

Which one are you?

 

I'm a Hedonstic Bisexual, Kinsey 2. I like the sound of that. So much better than bi-curious.

[fun_pairTX 26]

Mrs Fun lists; Bi, Bi-Curious or Bi-Bi.............. LOL

 

Mr Fun

[northindycpl 32]

WOW... there is a lot of info there! This is a very frustrating topic for me, so I was glad to read your question.

 

I can tell you kitten, from the experience of a decidedly bi woman, it is very easy to distinguish between woman 1 and 2 in your scenerio when you have had bi-experiences. Although I consider myself situationally bi. (which isn't in the definitions above) I enjoy playing with a women in a couples situation if the spirit moves me and the woman is receptive and participating.

 

A woman that is only doing it for her husband (which is more times than not) just doesn't get me in the spirit. A woman that is interested in flirting and so forth does. There are a lot of women that just want the experience, but are so unwilling to reciprocate or respond. It has really tainted my whole view of bi-curious women.

 

I would have no issue with a woman that is curious if she described her curiousity like you did above- and followed through with it. I like new experiences, and I like to be a part of someones new experience. What I don't like is to be given a laundry list of "I won'ts" by a bi curious femme who wants me to play with her, without reciprocity or response.

 

It is really all about how you communicate your desires to me before we play. For example, if you say you have always had a fantasy about a particular thing, and that fantasy intrigues me, then we may play. If you tell me that you don't even like the taste of your own pussy, what makes you think you will like mine? Probably not going to play.

 

If you are open and willing to explore options, I am open and willing to assist. New isn't bad, indecisive, confusing and unresponsive is.

[northindycpl 32]

Hedonistically bi 2, as well.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Wow Ves! I never knew about all those sub-categories. I did know about the Kinsey scale.

Quote

Which one are you?

Well right now Latent-Bi since I have no experience. Kinsey scale is based on History so 0 currently.

 

Quote

There are a lot of women that just want the experience, but are so unwilling to reciprocate or respond.

That makes no sense to me. Why would someone just want a one-sided experience? That doesn't sound like fun.

 

Quote

I would have no issue with a woman that is curious if she described her curiosity like you did above- and followed through with it. I like new experiences, and I like to be a part of someones new experience. What I don't like is to be given a laundry list of "I won'ts" by a bi curious femme who wants me to play with her, without reciprocity or response.

Good to know that the bi women out there are open to wanna-be-bi women.

 

We are so new to this lifestyle everything is a learning experience right now. We went to our first on-premise club last saturday. Such a culture shock! It took awhile for me to feel comfortable. We weren't in the club for 5 minutes and I was hit on by a single woman(first time in my life that has ever happened). She was cute and I was definitely attracted to her. I flirted back a bit but, I am not used to the club scene and I didn't know what to say. Getting comfortable with the club was #1 priority that night. I kinda regret not pushing it since I have wanted this for a long time. It was very apparent that she was interested. Maybe next time since we are comfortable at the club now. I'm just kicking myself that I had the elusive bi-fem and let her go.

[BiDrywallChick 18]

Vespertine said:

Concurrent relationship bisexuals:

have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.

 

Hedonistic bisexuals:

primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.

 

I am a combination of those two and I believe a 2 on the scale

[northindycpl 32]

That makes no sense to me. Why would someone just want a one-sided experience? That doesn't sound like fun.

 

Good to know that the bi women out there are open to wanna-be-bi women.

 

 

You would be amazed at the women that want a one-sided experience. I think it all revolves around t6he oral sex aspect of being a bi woman. Other women (and their husbands) fantasize about another woman going down on them, but when it comes to reciprocity- 99% of the time it doesn't happen. Not that reciprocity is an expected outcome for everytime, but after awhile it is expected.

 

Particularly, personally only enjoy giving oral sex to another woman for her. I don't get anything out of it. But I am good at it, and sometimes in some situations it fits. And it gets irritating to me that more women just don't bite the bullet, so to speak, and return the favor. That seems to be where most women draw the line. Which is where I personally think the line is between bi women and bi curious women.

 

The other issue I have found with bi curious women is that they are incredibly unpredicable. One minute they really like what you are doing, the next they don't. It is very difficult to judge.

 

For the most part, I would say that 99% of the time, my bi-play has nothing to do with oral sex- giving or recieving. Honestly, I am not going to give it out if I have no chance of recieving. But it has everything to with how comfortable another woman is with my body and her own, and how comfortable she is with her sexuality.

 

There are so many bi-play possiblities, some I have enjoyed and some I only fantasize about, but most women are so hung up about the oral sex aspect, they never allow themselves the freedom to really truely experience things.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

northindycpl said:

but most women are so hung up about the oral sex aspect, they never allow themselves the freedom to really truly experience things.

 

Sad.

[NtyKittensMan 16]

I feel that bi-curious means that she would like to be with another women. To try new pleasures.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Update:

Things are moving really fast for us right now, since we posted our SLS ad. We met a wonderful couple, I talked about them on another thread, First Meeting from SLS ad. I have had my first bi experiences, no oral yet, but actually looking forward to it. I really enjoyed being with another woman and I have no hesitation about going furthur. I guess I could categorize myself as bi now since I have satisfied the curiosity. It has been a really freeing feeling. I have had bi feelings for a very long time and just kept it hidden. Now that I am able to express it, I feel so much more true to myself. Being able to talk to all of you on swingersboard has made a tremendous difference too. My overall attitude is more positive lately. Thank you for the suport and encouragement.

[ALilOEverything 901]

That's really great you're to the point where you are already redefining yourself, literally

 

I never used the label as Bi-curious because I didn't even know what it was. When I started to get curious about boys I became curious about girls too. I explored for the first time when I was 17 and later on I sought it out as a one on one experience to really be able to explore that side of me without distraction and with my husband's blessing. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a woman but who knows, if my life took that direction anything is possible.

 

It is great to have a place to discuss these kinds of things. Reading about other's ideas and experiences has helped me define myself even more accurately.

[PiNKFLoYD 16]

Everybody loves a bi lady, but it has surprised me how unacceptable bi men are in the swinging world.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Everybody loves a bi lady, but it has surprised me how unacceptable bi men are in the swinging world.

You are so right about that. There is a definate double standard that even newbie me has noticed. I have many gay male friends so I'm not offended or turned off by that sort of thing. In fact its kinda hot. Even if my hubby was into it, which at present he is not, I don't know if we would advertise as such because of the attitudes out there. I don't quite understand it myself.

 

ALilOEverything That's really great you're to the point where you are already redefining yourself, literally

 

I never used the label as Bi-curious because I didn't even know what it was. When I started to get curious about boys I became curious about girls too. I explored for the first time when I was 17 and later on I sought it out as a one on one experience to really be able to explore that side of me without distraction and with my husband's blessing. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with a woman but who knows, if my life took that direction anything is possible.

 

It is great to have a place to discuss these kinds of things. Reading about other's ideas and experiences has helped me define myself even more accurately.

I also don't think I could be in an exclusive relationship with a woman, mainly because I enjoy men, sexually and otherwise. It is totally different.

 

I have redefined myself. I guess inside I always thought of myself as bi but never had the chance to explore that, to see if it was just fantasy. That is what bi-curious meant to me, unsure but interested. Now that I have had the experience and enjoyed it I know that it is not just fantasy for me.

 

It is really refreshing to be able to talk with others about this and other things. It is hard to keep these things inside and try to just talk to yourself about them, or your partner. I know all about that, trying to keep it inside. I love being open about it now, with the board and few select friends. I will never be out with everyone in my life but just having a few friends to discuss things with is very freeing. Thanks everyone!

[eager4more 15]

This is something I have been trying to sort out as well. We are relatively new to the lifestyle and I was pleasantly surprised to feel free enough to explore my bi-curiosity.

 

After lots of flirting, caressing, and kissing, and a few experiences with oral sex, I'm no longer "curious." I definitely enjoy the sensuality of flirting kissing and caressing, but do draw the line at giving oral sex, and by extension, prefer to not receive it so I don't feel "beholden." I've received (and mostly enjoyed) from several and have reciprocated with 2 women. Those two times didn't excite me like it does with a man, and in fact I had to push myself to try it. I even tried the 2nd time bc of wondering if I was too nervous, etc, the first time. Who knows, maybe it's still my socially-learned hangups keeping me from feeling it and eventually I could fully enjoy it, but for now I've decided that I gave it a shot, and just didn't like it.

 

Bi-curious? Not anymore. Completely straight? not that either, since it'd be awkward to not be able to caress and kiss and be affectionate with other women. But certainly not completely bi, nor situational, hedonistic, or any of that. Hmm, can we call it anatomically bi?

[PiNKFLoYD 16]

I'm bi in MFM situations, but I don't seek out 1 on 1 relationships with a man. At least I never have before...

[BiNWAR 15]

I classify myself as...sexual....I like to have sex with both equally. Yet I don't call myself bisexual unless I absolutely have to (like in the case of profiles there never seems to be a spot of sexual) I have the best of both sexual worlds...

[Zoe&Wash 93]

I don't feel like any of the "labels" in the first couple of posts fit me.

 

I describe myself as bi-curious because, while I've never had a bi experience, I have had fantasies about one or two women I've known in the past. I've had one or two that went pretty far, but for a variety of reasons, the timing (or people involved) wasn't right to act upon them. The closest I've ever gotten to an actual experience was a very nice, non-platonic kiss which was extremely pleasant, but that's about it.

 

How far would I go in any given situation? I have absolutely no idea, but I'm generally open to experimentation. Heck, that was how I lost my virginity in the first place! Love sure didn't have much to do with it!

 

Hmmm. Maybe "bi-experimental" would be a better description - "Straight, but want to experiment for the sake of the experience, rather than solely for the partner's pleasure."

[Mike and Jan 20]

Hey PinkFloyd, you're exactly right about that. In fact there have been a lot of threads about just that. And you'd think that swingers would be much less homophobic than the general public, wouldn't you? Oh well.

 

Now I'm not even bi but sexual exploration is about trying new things and seeing if you enjoy them..., so! And, in the fantasies my wife and I share we both can see some male/male contact.

[69&72 15]

The first time I mentioned I was interested in "the bi thing" to 72 she said, "Oh ? You and another dude ? Whatever turns you on, dear. "

 

I gently explained, "Ummm, noooooooooo......I meant you and another chick."

 

(She knew this, of course but she's a smart ass as well as as good ass.)

 

We were seeing a couple at the time and the wife of that pair was bi and 72 thought she was cute but every time we got together my missus went for want she liked best which is, well, dick.

 

When she's ready she'll go for it and I'll be there supporting her.

 

In the corner.

 

Touching myself.

 

And going, "hum-a-nuh, hum-a-nuh, hum-a-nuh". facelick

[Chicup 41]

Everybody loves a bi lady, but it has surprised me how unacceptable bi men are in the swinging world.

 

My first post here again in about a year, I doubt anyone missed me

 

Anyways, the reason for this is quite simple. Most of the men in swinging are straight, to them (and a large number of the women) guy-guy contact is a turn off. They don't want to see it at the clubs/parties so it doesn't happen.

 

It is a double standard but we are pretty normal in that neither of us want anything to do with male bisexuality. It grosses us out. Its not fair, but when it comes to sex we are willing to be not fair.

 

I personally do not WANT bisexual men in swinging. Its because of the disease factor. Male - Male contact has the highest rate of disease transmittance for sexually transmitted diseases. I personally know a good number of men who died during the 80's when this all started. Swinging is risky behavior as it is, I really don't wish to increase that risk factor any more than I have to.

[Dynamar 246]

I personally do not WANT bisexual men in swinging. Its because of the disease factor. Male - Male contact has the highest rate of disease transmittance for sexually transmitted diseases. I personally know a good number of men who died during the 80's when this all started. Swinging is risky behavior as it is, I really don't wish to increase that risk factor any more than I have to.

Chicup, it would seem you're painting things with a pretty broad brush here. From what I've seen and experienced, lots of men who say they're bi-curious are just that... curious. No different from any females who say the same. They're in the lifestyle to experience new things and perhaps that's on their list. And, not unlike females who explore their bi-sides, they'll either decide they like it and seek more experiences out, or they won't.

 

Either way, being open-minded myself... I want to be around same. That's why bi- or bi-curious males are such a turn-on for me.

 

Also... from what I have read, the incidence of STDs in the swinging community is probably lower than that of the general population, due to the diligence of swingers practicing safe sex.

 

As always, JMHO... YMMV.

[kinkyme3sum 15]

I never been with a women sexually but I have kissed girls. I find it a big turn-on!!

 

So me and my boyfriend thought about maybe trying to work on a 3-sum, me and him and another girl .. I'm soo up for it ..

 

Now I've only been with my boyfriend for about year now. Do you think we are ready for this? Hmm I have a little worries .. lol .. Of course the girls know what I mean...  Like I don't want my man to leave me for the other girl. Has anyone had this problem? Please let me know.

[PiNKFLoYD 16]

Chicup, it would seem you're painting things with a pretty broad brush here. From what I've seen and experienced, lots of men who say they're bi-curious are just that... curious. No different from any females who say the same. They're in the lifestyle to experience new things and perhaps that's on their list. And, not unlike females who explore their bi-sides, they'll either decide they like it and seek more experiences out, or they won't.

 

Either way, being open-minded myself... I want to be around same. That's why bi- or bi-curious males are such a turn-on for me.

 

Also... from what I have read, the incidence of STDs in the swinging community is probably lower than that of the general population, due to the diligence of swingers practicing safe sex.

 

As always, JMHO... YMMV.

Very well said Dynamar. I didn't go into my experiences intending to have sex with the guys. I'm not really interested in seeking out just a guy for sex, but with the right couple, the sky's the limit. With both of the couples I've MFM'ed with, we were all comfortable with each other and it just happened, and not on the first get-together, either. In both cases, we were good friends first, the hubbies wanted to give the wife an MFM, and asked me to join them.

 

With my 1st couple, the hubby brought it up one night that he was curious, and since I was, too, we started experimenting, and had some great times together. The wife was a doll and very uninhibited except that she would never agree to anal.

 

With my 2nd couple, we were both trying to have "incidental" contact without it looking like we were trying to have it. In addition to everything else, we DP'ed her 2 times that 1st night and as we each licked her bumhole to wet her for anal, we would "accidently" lick the other guy's cock.

 

I was under the wife on our 3rd "date" in a 69 and the hubby was fucking her from behind. My tongue kept brushing his cock and his balls were resting on my nose and eyes, and I finally just said, "What the hell!" I started licking his cock and balls purposely, he stopped stroking for just a moment and said, "That feels good. I'd been hoping, but I was afraid to say anything." We had a lot of good times together and I'll have to say: I've had some damn good sex, but that was some of the best sex I ever had.

 

Sadly, I lost both of my couples to infidelity. With Couple #1, the wife cheated. With Couple #2, the hubby met someone online (it was the Internet age by then) and left her.

[jon&roberta 18]

I'd have to say I'm half Bi. I've had over 400 blow jobs from men, but have never given a blow job. Have jerked men off a few times.

[hsv2biguy 15]

bi the way, having one room communal sex you kinda get best of both worlds, but that's just my experience.

[gsu22 187]

I've only had MM with a few couples and two buddies a while back who I knew for a fact were clean/safe....I've always thought it was such a turn on to find a bi couple and share the husband orally....

 

Those guys on craigslist and other sites that are either cheating on their wives or just always hooking up are the ones I stay away from.

[Miss Sunshine 29]

When we got into the lifestyle we just wanted to have sex with other people in the room, then with those people, then girl on girl then some guy on guy stuff. now it is whatever happens happens. I readily admit i am more then Bi because I love being with another woman but because I love my man and want to be with him I guess I am classified as bi. He also likes to play with other men, but only in a group situation so I guess he too is bi. There is too much emphasis on being bi, you are in the lifestyle, just enjoy the sex.