Freaking out about first meeting with couple

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Well, we have had a busy week since posting our ad on SLS. We have had over 800 hits on it so far and quite a lot of mail. We have been corresponding with one couple everyday for most of this week and we are meeting them tomorrow night for drinks at a local bar. We seem to have great chemistry in writing and an awful lot in common. I've have been really excited for the past few days, until today. Now I'm a nervous wreck! It just happened so fast. I'm freaking out a little. Not that I want to call it off, I don't. All the stars seems to be in alignment with this couple, rules, boundries, preferences have all been discussed and agreed. I have a really good feeling about them. I'm just a jumble of nerves.

 

I'm sending a call out to all you experienced couples. What was your first meeting like and how did you get over the nerves? I need some encouragment. Give me a pep talk! HELP

[Miss_Piggy 98]

Our first meet can really be credited to the attitudes of the couple we met. They are a very understanding couple. Thinking back it seemed that they always knew the right thing to say to make us feel relaxed.

 

The only advice I can give you is to remind you that you're just meeting a couple of people. Be yourself and set out with the sole task of getting to know them. You shouldn't at any time feel pressured in any way. Most likely you will have a fun time meeting two open minded friendly people.

 

Have fun and good luck.

[hamlet 53]

First of all, give yourself some points for proceeding with prudence. We were so entranced by the whole notion of swinging that we jumped right in, feet first, without bothering to remove our concrete bathing suits. In other words, our first experience was an on-premises club in New York City, and we were just overwhelmed. You, on the other hand, are starting with just one couple--a couple whom you've established some rapport with, and whose names you actually know. This is a much more promising scenario.

 

Second, starting with swinging is a lot like starting with sex: there's no way to do it except to do it. It's almost certain to feel awkward at first--but, just like losing your virginity, it's the doorway to a lot of future fun.

 

Third, remember that swinging involves breaking about 1,013 taboos that are deeply engrained in us all, and you're not unlikely to have a powerful emotional response, as on some subconscious level you're expecting to be struck down by lightning. You're taking your clothes off in front of multiple strangers, you're violating all those vows of sexual exclusiveness which we were all bred to consider as the basis of true love, and you may even be interacting with a member of the same sex--at which point you wouldn't be surprised if Charlton Heston himself appeared with the stone tablets of the Ten Commandments and dropped them on your head. There's simply no way to go through all this without feeling rattled. Indeed, the very fact that you're nervous is a good sign--it indicates that you understand what you're signing up for, which means you might be less overwhelmed when it actually happens.

 

Most importantly, though, remember that you're not making this perilous journey all by yourself: if you've got the kind of solid relationship that's conducive to successful swinging, that means that you've got your best friend by your side. And it sounds like you've got a couple of friendly people there as well--time will tell whether they actually become your friends, but "friendly" is a good start. It sounds like you've done everything one ought to do in preparing to meet these folks (extensive correspondence, laying out your boundaries and your rules) and I think you'll have a good time this time--and an even better time next time.

 

Bon voyage!

 

Hamlet

[WesternSwing 504]

Our very first meeting was strange, but it was the couple, not the meeting part. At least it ended-up strange and nothing could, or would have happened between us.

 

Everyone we've met since has been fantastic, though.

 

First, don't put too much thought into it. You don't have to have sex with them just because you met over dinner or drinks. Same holds true if they insist on buying those drinks or dinners. It's exciting to meet new people, and that is the best part for us. We don't hit it off sexually with everyone we meet, and at that we've only hooked-up with one couple on a first date. So don't put too much into the first meeting. Just have fun, and enjoy getting out of your usual circle of friends.

 

Good luck!

 

Mr. WS

[Mike and Jan 20]

Hey, you were this nervous on your first date years ago, right? Same thing! This is a first date. Only this time it's a double date with your best friend..., your husband.

 

Remember that he's nervous too and it's quite natural for both of you to be. If you weren't nervous then you wouldn't be excited about it. Sounds to me like you're both going to have fun regardless of what happens. Enjoy! I envy you both.

Rich

[ALilOEverything 901]

It's totally natural to feel so nervous. I was fine with it until the day of and then my stomach was tied in knots. During the drive I almost felt like I couldn't go through with it and wished we could just turn around and forget the whole thing. I'm sure they could tell I was nervous but after 5 minutes of meeting I was back to my old self and all the butterflies were gone. Every meeting got a little easier and now that I'm used to it I'm excited and can't wait, right up to the very last minute.

 

This will get easier with time. It's scary making your fantasies reality. Take some deep breaths and realize this too shall pass.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Thank you everyone! I feel much better now. Your comments were just what I needed to hear. And a good night sleep helped a lot. This board is great. 12 hours till our meeting. I can't wait!

[ALilOEverything 901]

Good luck! You'll have to tell us all about it

[jennandjamesinm 87]

Let us know how it goes....we are getting ready to have our first meeting next weekend with a couple that we have been chatting with from SLS, so we can relate to your nervousness.

 

Jenn and James

[NaughtyKitten 16]

OMAGOD! Our first meeting was way more than I could have expected. First of all, I have to back up in the story. I started my period yesterday and was just mortified to have to tell them something like that before we had even met. I explained before the big meeting and I guess she was worried that she would start, too, and was just glad it wasn't her. So everyone was cool with it if not a bit disappointed, most of all me. We met anyway because the meeting was more about finding out if we had chemistry. We did, in everyway that we had hoped, me and him, hubby and her, and me and her. The conversation flowed effortlessly. There was a lot of flirting and covert touching, and later kissing. We kind of forgot we were in a vanilla bar. I think we raised a few eyebrows because people knew we swapped partners, and because she and I were kissing. It was a wonderful night and we are definately meeting again. I could not have asked for a better first experience. I woke up with a big smile on my face, even though, I also had a raging hangover. Thanks for the encouragement!

[SBcpl 16]

Congratulations! On such a successful beginning.

 

Sounds like you're about to embark on a really fun and exciting journey!

 

~ A & B ~

[ALilOEverything 901]

That's fabulous! What a great way to start. I know all about raising eyebrows in vanilla bars now... isn't that so much fun

[BradAndJanet 70]

That's fabulous! What a great way to start. I know all about raising eyebrows in vanilla bars now... isn't that so much fun

It's my new mission in life!

 

NaughtyKitten, I am so very happy for you. The next meeting's going to be fun, I can tell.

 

-B

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Just talked with our new friends. We are all so anxious to see each other again that we are going over to their place tonight.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Update:

We have had 3 dates so far and due to female issues on both sides we have yet to get to the full monty, so to speak. That day is tomorrow. Here I go freaking out again. I'm so excited but sooooo nervous too. Everytime we have been together it has been great. We have so much chemistry. I'm sure it will be a good first experience. I'll post again on sunday to let you all know how it went. Tomorrow I will be so busy with all the preparations that hopefully I won't have time to fret about it. Gotta do the very thoruogh date shave etc.

 

Send me your best wishes. I need all the positive energy I can get right now.

[Guest Pinmonkey]

Good luck naughtykitten. I hope things turn out great for all of you.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Hi everyone! I lied, I guess, its thursday and I haven't written about our first experience yet and I said I would sunday. Well here goes.......We went to their house. We talked and had a few drinks. They had lit a bunch of candles so it was a nice atmosphere. I was really nervous but after a few drinks I relaxed a bit. Then we got naked and the nerves came back but I was ok after awhile. I had my first full bi experience and it was great! There were some PA issues on their side for him but everything else was great so overall it was a nice time. We exchanged nice emails the next day so we know that they want to meet again sometime. We have also become good friends with them so aside from the "play" we will still stay in touch with them. That is the best thing, to have friends in the lifestyle. (especially ones that are close to home and we can meet for drinks and good converstion) A good, if not great, experience. And.... we have a lot of new prospects from the SLS ad. We've been talking to a few couples and some single guys. Our little one will be staying with his grandparents for 3 weeks in July so we can have lots of fun! Thanks for the encouragement.

[Guest Pinmonkey]

Glad it turned out so well! Sounds like you dipped your toe in the water and then jumped right into the deep end of the pool. lol

[wolfnblu 15]

what are "PA" issues? sorry

[Sweet_Candy 54]

Ditto! Dito My question as well.

 

Sweet

[SBcpl 16]

what are "PA" issues? sorry

PA = Performance Anxiety

 

~ B ~

[texasswing29 15]

Thank you SOOOO much for speaking about the female issues and how everything still went well. Same thing is happening to me right now and I almost made my husband cancel our club night with a great couple planned for this weekend! You gave me the courage to get over it and have fun! Thank you!!!!

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Thank you SOOOO much for speaking about the female issues and how everything still went well. Same thing is happening to me right now and I almost made my husband cancel our club night with a great couple planned for this weekend! You gave me the courage to get over it and have fun! Thank you!!!!

You're welcome. I was mortified but it was fine. Just be upfront about it. She had the same problem the next weekend and we still met. We didn't get to "play" until our 4th date. It was kinda neat though. We got to flirt a lot and get to know each other on those first threee dates. Our second date was a "makout party" like when we were teenagers. Just making out on the couch, topless but nothing below the belt. We have become good friends and I think that will last a long time. Awesome couple that we have a lot in common with. Good luck with your club night. I hope you have a great time, even with your issues.

[Atilla 16]

Glad to hear it's gone wonderfully for you. The first experience should be the best one. We're still rather smitten with our first couple, they are our favorites. I think it helps when everyone is understanding and patient, knowing that it will happen at some point in time. That was our first couple to a T, I was pregnant in my 8th month when we met them for a meet and greet but it wasn't until after I was recovered from baby that we went "full monty" as you say.

 

As for nerves, you may or may not get over them. We don't have a problem with nerves anymore but a couple I know who have been into it for 8 years, still get nervous (which blows me away literally).

 

We are going to be doing a club on a visit to Calgary this summer and I'm sure I'll be nervous for that since it'll be another first for us. I think the "firsts" are always a little nerve racking.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

I was looking for another place to post this, adding it to another thread or just adding it to the first part of this one but decided it would best stand alone. I felt bad for Intuition when I read her first MFM post with the very rude, unapologetic, late single male. How horrible and on your anniversary too! Well here is our story of our first MFM. Its long so hang in there with me. It all started with First Meeting from SLS ad.

 

A few days after we had started talking to the first couple we met, we got an email from a single guy. He had been out at a bar talking with them and we came up in conversation. They had said they were talking to a new couple on SLS and he asked if it was us, he had seen our profile also, and liked it. So on our third date with this couple, female issues on her side so we weren't going to play, we all agreed to invite this single guy so we could meet him. A single female swinger friend of theirs showed up at the bar also so we have 6 swingers at the table. What fun! We all had a blast!

 

Anyway, we kept talking with this guy through IM and struck up a nice friendship with him, he and hubby have some things in common so they like to talk to each other, its not all about getting me into bed. Well, last friday we were trying to get a babysitter so we could go out, even if it was just the two of us. We mentioned it to our single guy friend but he thought he had plans that night. During that week we met another couple that wanted to go out for drinks, just to meet and see if there was any interest. So we agreed to meet them early for drinks. During our meeting, the single guy called and said his plans fell through and he would be available if we wanted to go out. We did. So after our meeting with the couple we ran home and changed in to appropriate clothes for a dance club, and I did a quick shave just in case. That would prove to be a very good decision!

 

We got to the club first. Had a couple of drinks while we waited for him. When he got there the conversation was great. We talked, flirted, touched, kissed at the table and when I was sufficiantly tipsy we went out to the dance floor and put on quite the show! I was soooo naughty dancing with my 2 dates. I think some of the other girls were mad that I was hogging 2 men. It was a blast! We went back to the table and were very naughty there but not for very long. I leaned over and asked him if he had enough of the bar and wanted to go out to our van? (we had talked about the van many times and he liked the idea of a naughty van "ride")

 

So we left the bar and headed to the van for some fun. We had to move from the parking lot to a "safer" place. Hubby had a very clever idea. He parked in a small used car lot down the street! And there we had our first MFM in the back of the van! I was so fun! I loved the spontanaity of the whole night. We didn't plan it out, it just all fell into place. No nerves, no reservations, no jealousy on hubby's part, just a really fun night for all of us. facelick

[jennandjamesinm 87]

I'm glad that your first MFM went well!!!

 

Jenn

[Guest Pinmonkey]

Sounds like a great time. Congratulations.

[sir_dragonfire 15]

wow I'm glad it ended up being a good experience! Glad the green eyed jealous Monster did not raise from the ugly pond! It has no place in swinging, if it raises it's never a good thing.