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Husband let wife's boss touch her while she was passed out

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My wife, Wendy and I have experimented in swinging in the past by inviting a friend to join us in bed on several occasions.

 

This Saturday Wendy and I were at a pool opening party and she had a bit too much to drink and too much sun. We were at her boss' house and he directed us to a room where I could lay Wendy down for a bit. He had hit on Wendy in the past but wasn't a total jerk or anything, he was nice enough to help me get her in bed, but I noticed he was also taking this chance to feel her. Wendy was nearly asleep/out and I should have just said "Ok, I can take it from here".

 

I don't know what came over me but when he put his fingers at at the hook/clasp of her bikini top between her breasts and looked at me, I just nodded and he looked back to her for a sign of her noticing. Her eyes were closed and I just kind of stood there as he slowly undid it and very gently pulled her top apart and to the side so she was topless. He felt each breast gently and then softly kissed each nipple. Then he stopped and said thanks, you have no idea how long I've wanted to see and touch your wife's breasts. Then he left.

 

I'm not sure what to tell Wendy or what I should do. I feel I let her down, which I know I did, but I'm not sure what step to take now?

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What a weird situation. Whether you tell your wife what happened or not is up to you and your guilt. If she was not responding, like she was passed out, i feel you letting him do that was very wrong. I know I would be pissed at my husband if I found out something like this. If you do bring it up, maybe casually mention something about it to see if she realizes what happened, or if she was out cold. Good luck to you, and be more cautious and thoughtful in the future!

 

Mrs. SC

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Yes it was a very weird situation and I realize I handled it horribly. But thanks for your wishes of good luck and for your two cents on the issue. I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any idea it happened.

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From what you've described your wife obviously had too much to drink. She's going to have to take responsibility for that. Still, you were there caring for her when she was barely conscious.

 

I think it is your responsibility to tell your wife what you allowed to happen to her. What you allowed her boss to do to her.

 

She has to face her boss every day. He knows what happened. Your wife should know too, so that she can be prepared for whatever her boss says or does to her at work or anywhere you all see each other again.

 

This is no time to keep quiet and hope the problem will go away. That approach won't help your bad situation. And indeed, this is a bad situation. Face it head on and start talking to your wife so you can both decide how you're going to deal with this together.

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you did let her down...terribly. As a husband you are supposed to protect and care for your wife. Yes you have to face the music and talk to her....

 

All I can say is if I were in her position I would not be very forgiving for what happened. Be prepared to take the heat and own up to it...by not saying anything you are going to make a bad situation horribly worse.

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty
LikeMinds321 said:

She has to face her boss every day. He knows what happened. Your wife should know too, so that she can be prepared for whatever her boss says or does to her at work or anywhere you all see each other again.

 

Exactly what I was thinking...

 

Do you want her to find out from him or you?

 

There is a chance he won't say anything but there is also a chance he will.

 

I think having her find out from him instead of you has the possibility of making whatever the outcome may be, the worse possible one.

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EvilMJ said:
you did let her down...terribly. As a husband you are supposed to protect and care for your wife. Yes you have to face the music and talk to her....

 

All I can say is if I were in her position I would not be very forgiving for what happened. Be prepared to take the heat and own up to it...by not saying anything you are going to make a bad situation horribly worse

 

Yes, you let her down very badly. Marriage and the lifestyle are about trust. I trust Mr Spoo more than anyone else and he looks out for me all the time, especially in the lifestyle.

 

You need to tell her because if she finds out any other way she'll trust you even less, and be prepared because if it was me I would be pissed and it would take a long time for me to feel safe and trust again.

 

I agree that she needs to know, you and her boss do and since she has to see him every day how long will it be before the cat's out of the bag and then how will she feel.

 

You need to rethink your motives in this situation as well, of all the people you could have let do that to her, her boss was the worst. What a horrible feeling to go to work everyday and know what her boss did to her.

 

Tell her and tell her now and ask for her forgiveness. Good luck.

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I was going to say, "don't say a word, dude..."

 

The way the wives have responded here (and these are some open minded women) should give you a good idea of just how ugly it could get if you come clean. If I were in your shoes, I would immediately think about how short my couch is - how I know I'd sleep poorly on it - and how odd it would look on the lawn...

 

Then I thought - he's told somebody... Maybe somebody at work... And chances are the boss, and whoever he has told, aren't as open-minded and understanding - and may think considerably less of her...

 

Not a good thing...

 

One of the things that I have learned about women who swing is that they are often deserving of more respect than the average woman.

 

She gives you a lot of trust - and counts on you to be there for her when she can't be there for herself... Bottom line is - you failed her... I wish I could think of a more delicate way to put it, but I have to be real here. You need to start rebuilding that trust before it gets totally blown away when/if she finds out what you did...

 

Cowboy up...

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Oh man. I am going to try and be gentle here, but there is no getting around that this is a MAJOR transgression. At least it would be in my and Mr. intuition's marriage. Your wife is going to be hurt and ashamed, and you get to live with knowing you weren't there to protect her when she was vulnerable. This doesn't let her boss off at all; what an ass! Waiting until the woman was unconscious to take advantage of her... This is just one of the reasons that swinging and drinking don't mix. I agree with Mr. Spoomonkey; you're definitely going to feel the heat from this one. The worst part will be when/if she forgives you for it. That's when you'll realize that just because she forgives you, it doesn't make it go away, and you're still left feeling like s**t.

 

I don't have much advice to offer except to be truthful and just brace yourself to accept whatever punishment she deems suiting. Throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Perhaps I'm making a bigger deal of this than it actually is, but as I said, it would be a huge breach of trust in our own relationship. Sorry I didn't have better or kinder advice. :(

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Something just occurred to me.

 

The boss made this move in front of her husband. I'd say he must have been pretty sure he could get by with it. He must have felt jr555666 was unlikely to object.

 

Maybe the boss is a swinger. Maybe he was picking up vibes that Mr & Mrs jr555 are swingers. To the boss, maybe swinging is okay with an employee.

 

I think this is something to think about. I'm not trying to make what happened sound okay, because I don't think it was.

 

All three of them were probably influenced by alcohol. But I do find odd - or different - that the boss went about getting closer to her through her husband. I think most "vanilla" bosses who wanted to hit on a married employee would do it far away from her husband.

 

What do you all think?

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LikeMinds321 said:
The boss made this move in front of her husband. I'd say he must have been pretty sure he could get by with it.

 

There may have been a vibe - a flirt - a wink... Maybe even from the wife...

 

...before she passed out...

 

Waiting for his "chance" and taking it only after she was under was not "swinger-like" at all to me.

 

Like you said - nothing makes this "right" - because the whole "consent" thing was removed from the wife. She didn't have a choice. But - I would like to think that the boss was more of leech than a possible swinger... I would hope that most swinging males would have more respect (even self-respect) than that.

 

You do bring up a good point - and if he is a swinger, then he needs to learn the common sense etiquette.

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You are right, I failed her. I don't think he is a swinger and as far as I know, he has no idea we have. He's just a horny selfish guy who saw an opening and went for it. He had hit on her several times before and she wanted no part.

 

Wendy is a very attractive, fit gal who is more than young enough to be his daughter, not that age really matters. But he did look to me for an ok and I gave it to him. I'm trying to figure out why I did. I know it was wrong on every level, and I regret it. but in that moment I got lost in, I was almost glad this fat old guy got to see her chest. I know, that is awful!

 

What is scary is thinking about if I would have let it go farther ... but yes, I need to tell her and before tomorrow when she goes to work.

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Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty

Okay, that's what I was waiting to hear! :eek:

 

What I told Mr. Naughty was that it would depend on how I felt about my boss, & by your last post.....well, what they say down this way is:

 

"Well, that there just ain't ra'ght!" :nono:

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What ever happened to trust in the lifestyle. You violated your wife and should let her know that when her back is turned her boss is thinking about sucking her tits. Shame... I certainly hope that she doesn't give you uncontrolled total swinger pleasure because you don't deserve it.

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I'm totally new here, but this one is a humdinger alright! The boss is a pig for sure! He got what he wanted, to suck your wife's tits AND he got a nod from you that you were okay with it. Obviously nobody got the only okay that really mattered, the one from your wife. Now a "fat old man" who is her boss, who has probably pictured her naked time and time again prior to this not only now knows exactly what your wife, Wendy's bare tits look, feel and taste like, he also knows her husband didn't mind. Odds are while he has surely gotten off to this he will continue to hit on her even more and try to go farther.

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Maybe everyone was boozed up to some degree and that factored in all of your decisions...it's not really *that* big a deal, yet it was wrong and you should definitely tell her. Depending on what type of person she is she might get pretty pissed, she might be pretty understanding. Tell her you were boozed up some (?) and made a dumb decision.

 

But I do hope she does still someday give you total uncontrolled swinger pleasure cuz whatever the heck that is I want to hear the details!! :)

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Seems like most everything that needs to be said has been. But, I have to ditto that she will hear about it from somebody at some point. The earlier she hears about it from YOU, the better it will be for everybody.

 

Alcohol is like a lot of things, it can be medicine or poison, depending on the amount used. It may have been a factor in poisoning your relationship with your wife in this instance. Let her know you goofed, why, etc. Don't forget she's evidently was pretty blitzed herself and her boss is the lowest of the low in my opinion.

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jr555666 said:

You are right, I failed her. I don't think he is a swinger and as far as I know, he has no idea we have. He's just a horny selfish guy who saw an opening and went for it. He had hit on her several times before and she wanted no part.

 

Wendy is a very attractive, fit gal who is more than young enough to be his daughter, not that age really matters. But he did look to me for an ok and I gave it to him. I'm trying to figure out why I did. I know it was wrong on every level, and I regret it. but in that moment I got lost in, I was almost glad this fat old guy got to see her chest. I know, that is awful!

 

What is scary is thinking about if I would have let it go farther ... but yes, I need to tell her and before tomorrow when she goes to work.

 

Not that it wasn't bad already but knowing he had made advances toward her and she refused him and then you let him get away with that! :nono::nono: You should have looked him in the eye and said "I believe my wife has said no to before so the answer is still NO! I can take care of her from here" and then made him leave the room.

 

You need to hope your wife is more forgiving then I would be this is a major breech of trust and security. You need to be thinking of how you're going to earn her trust again, and brace yourself it may take a long, long time.

 

I feel sorry for your wife, I can't imagine trying to work everyday with my boss knowing he got away with something (allowed by my spouse) that I had flat out let him know there was no way.

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Just throwing this out there, but since her boss is someone she had no attraction to and works with everyday maybe it's worse for her to know he saw and played with her tits? Maybe talk to the boss and tell him to keep it quiet? Just thinking about saving her from feeling very awkward, not realy trying to promote lying. Of course, she is probably already at work now and you KNOW her boss is going to go out of his way to see her if only to try and relive the event. But if he can keep quiet .... maybe for him it was enough to just finally see and touch her chest, since he didn't try to more and nothing more will happen? Just a different perspective offered here.

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I wonder if the boss had wanted more than a feel and taste of her tits, if you'd have let him do whatever he wanted? :(

 

You mentioned you're glad that nothing more happened which means you may have allowed it-am I reading that wrong?

 

I don't know about others but to me this is just too damn close to you giving her boss consent for rape/molestation!! Yes it ended at the tits but if inappropriate (due to her being unconcious) touching, licking & kissing took place then I would feel very much like I'd been pimped out by my husband! Dentists have been imprisoned for touching, fondling & intimately kissing their drugged up patients-why is this any different? In fact to me it's worse-she trusted you; the man she loves, to protect her when she needed you and you betrayed her trust totally! Especially since you already knew this man was NOT someone she wanted to play with or found appealing!! :sad:

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Not that it really matters I guess since it's the fact you let him have any contact, but how long did he feel her and look and you said he gave each a kiss, or did he suck on them? It wouldn't change any opinions that what you did was wrong, was just curious here.

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invisibletouch said:
I wonder if the boss had wanted more than a feel and taste of her tits, if you'd have let him do whatever he wanted? :(

 

You mentioned you're glad that nothing more happened which means you may have allowed it-am I reading that wrong?

 

I don't know about others but to me this is just too damn close to you giving her boss consent for rape/molestation!! Yes it ended at the tits but if inappropriate (due to her being unconscious) touching, licking & kissing took place then I would feel very much like I'd been pimped out by my husband! Dentists have been imprisoned for touching, fondling & intimately kissing their drugged up patients-why is this any different? In fact to me it's worse-she trusted you; the man she loves, to protect her when she needed you and you betrayed her trust totally! Especially since you already knew this man was NOT someone she wanted to play with or found appealing!! :sad:

 

I couldn't have said it better, and who is to say she doesn't already know about it from this thread and just waiting for you to own up..

 

Just have to say, if Mr Blue did this to me , there would be no swinging or marriage, that is a total breech of trust!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....

 

 

:nono::mad:

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jr555666 said:
...he's just a horny selfish guy who saw an opening and went for it.

Think about it. You've described yourself.

 

Quote
...but he did look to me for an ok and I gave it to him. I'm trying to figure out why I did...I was almost glad this fat old guy got to see her chest.

Because you're a horny selfish guy who was turned on and empowered by handing your wife to her boss - a "fat old guy."

 

Quote
...what is scary is thinking about if i would have let it go farther...

If you're thinking about it now, you were considering it then.

 

I'll admit that I feel like kicking your butt. At the same time the less emotional side of my head thinks this:

 

You've shown remorse and are not defending your actions. This is positive. You have only shared one tiny part of your life with us here and I must consider this to keep things in perspective. You and your wife will have to compare this event to how your relationship has gone up to now. If there is enough good, then this error in judgment can be dealt with in a way that could move you to a better place in life. Hopefully, you'll both grow through this individually, and as a couple.

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Disclaimer: I am not one of the nice people on the board

 

You really fucked up dude, on several points.

 

1) Although your wife should have been in control of her actions, she was not in a position to give consent or even decide to say yes or no.. stop or go. You as her husband, no matter the type of relationship should have stood up for your wife and said no.

 

2) You KNEW she didn't want anything to do with him in that way, yet you allowed it to happen. In many states, you allowed her to be raped, sexually assaulted etc. What on earth where you thinking/ Perhaps you weren't and that is the problem

 

3) you put her career in jeopardy. No longer is she going to be reviewed as an employee by her boss, she is going to be rated as a sex object. That is not a good thing. No matter what she does, he will always look at her as the drunk woman he got a cheap feel off of because her husband was too much of a puss to say no.

 

4) you aren't even truly sorry. You are not really ashamed of what you did, just more ashamed that you are going to get caught because she will find out. Someone is going to tell her, if not her boss, then someone he told or through the office rumor mill. You have degraded her beyond what most people can repair. All I get from you is that you treated her like your property. You were showing off to the boss " Look what is mine. You can't have it. I own it. I can do with this piece of flesh what I want. You can touch her but I say what goes. she has no say. I own her". You showed her no respect, no love and bottom line, you put her in harms way. No because her boss is going to hurt her, but you have wounded her emotionally.

 

I am a firm believer that problems in a marriage can be worked out if both parties are willing. however, I will tell you this, be glad that you dont live in this house. You best tell her before she finds out from someone else. You are going to be in a living hell for awhile, if she keeps ya. Trust is a hard thing to build back up. You best have good knee pads for the groveling you are going to do. Kiss the ground she walks on if she doesn't put your ass out on the curb.

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Truthfully if my boss had done anymore than to show my hubby where I could lay down he would have had his ass kicked right then and there by hubby...and if he allowed this to happen to me I would have kicked his ass and sent him on his way. As active swingers it still doesnt give permission to fondle or even look! You are suppose to keep your wife safe especially when she can't look after herself! You and MR. Boss being drunk as well is no excuse in my book!!!!! from what you have said this man seems the type to BRAG about what he was allowed to do and therefore your wife will become a peice of meat at work instead of an employee! Just because she is pretty she gets hit on but...now you alowed him to touch and kiss or whatever now makes her FREE MEAT! What is to say he wont try more at work and inform her that you allowed him to play with her breasts. He got the okay to do what he wanted in front of you so to him he has permission to do as he pleases whenever he wants....Did you not think of her safety at work. How will you explain yourself when he tries to rape her because you already know good and well she isnt interested in him!!!! Some men think that if hubby doesnt care it is cool to touch...or whatever when ever they feel like it...or if she turns him down now..will it cost her her job???

 

YOU disgust me to no end!! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but geez..what the hell were you thinking???? And please dont use the ole..i was drinking crap! doesnt work with me!! You better let your wife know what happened so she can defend herself since God knows you wont defend her!

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Well I'm sure you have gotten all the advice you need or may even want. I would like to refer back to a comment concerning you talking to your wife's boss. I do think that you should approach him and tell him it was a terrible mistake on yours and his part to behave the way you two did and I personally would make it very clear that any comments from him to your wife or anyone else concerning the incidence would cause major problems between you and him.

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Somehow, I don't think we will hear an update, with all the strong "advice" LOL Guess that will teach him not to do something like that again, and not to let anyone touch his wife like that either.

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Look everyone, this is pretty simple.

 

She was incapacitated. She was in the care of her husband who contributed to her molestation.

 

He betrayed her trust.

 

If she were concious and agreed, that would have been a totally different thing.

 

Boss or no boss all the husband had to do was say "no" and that would have been the end of it.

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kevin&danielle said:
Well I'm sure you have gotten all the advice you need or may even want. I would like to refer back to a comment concerning you talking to your wife's boss. I do think that you should approach him and tell him it was a terrible mistake on yours and his part to behave the way you two did and I personally would make it very clear that any comments from him to your wife or anyone else concerning the incidence would cause major problems between you and him.

 

I don't think he has that kind of power to threaten the boss that there would be problems between the two of them. He let the boss do it, if he goes to him now the boss is going to laugh at him. I mean what is he going to do, threaten to take him to court? The boss had permission from the husband, so he is just as if not more guilty than the boss.

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Look everyone, this is pretty simple.

 

She was incapacitated. She was in the care of her husband who contributed to her molestation.

 

He betrayed her trust.

 

If she were concious and agreed, that would have been a totally different thing.

 

Boss or no boss all the husband had to do was say "no" and that would have been the end of it.

 

Exactly what I was thinking - you just put it better!!!

 

Jenn

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OK, we probably aren't going to hear back from the OP, I like to play devils advocate, I like to philosophize sometimes, I'm bored. Bear with me.

 

We aren't cutting the Husband any slack because he was alcohol impaired, but evidently everybody was, including the wife who was incapacitated by alcohol voluntarily. Now obviously, since the boss had hit on her despite her being married beforehand, he deserves the castration/crucifixion at dawn we all wish on him whether sober or inebriated. But, if the husband had been incapacitated and the wife impaired and she had allowed this as her husband was unable to protest, would we be ripping her a new one?? Would we say, "she was drunk"? We have all done or allowed to be done things, while drunk we would not while sober. Admit it, think back, you know you have. I will be the first to raise my hand. I'm not looking to start a flame war, I am just wondering.

 

Thoughts anyone?

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curiousagain said:
I like to philosophize sometimes, I'm bored. Bear with me. . .

 

. . . if the husband had been incapacitated and the wife impaired and she had allowed this as her husband was unable to protest, would we be ripping her a new one??

I most certainly would!

 

It would not change my view one bit, nor what I have already said in my other posts.

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But, if the husband had been incapacitated and the wife impaired and she had allowed this as her husband was unable to protest, would we be ripping her a new one?? Would we say, "she was drunk"? Thoughts anyone?

 

I think it goes either way - her boss getting a feel off of her or his female boss getting a feel off of him, it is totally wrong to allow this to happen. If he was sober enough to give his consent, then he should have protected her, and she was in his place, the same applies. Alcohol isn't an excuse. In this lifestyle, its about trust, whether you are male or female.

 

Jenn

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I would feel the same way no matter who was doing what....rape/molesting happens both ways and isnt exceptable!! If my hubby was passed out drunk there is no way boss or not that I would let another woman feel him up. HE is the one that needs to give the okay with it and be awake enough to make that decition. It is HIS choice who touches him..with my permission of course!! lol

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I dunno Curious. I still have a hard time cutting a guy slack when he allowed a man, who his wife made it clear previously that she was not interested in, molest her.

 

Your husband is a man you are supposed to be able to trust, especially when you are not able to take care of yourself. No means No...I think both the husband and the boss need to remember that. If the wife had done the same thing I would have said the same thing to her....you don't do crap like that to the people you love.

 

I know I have done stupid crap when I was younger and had too much to drink, but never once can I say anything I did harmed someone.

 

There is no excuse for that kind of action, no matter if it was the husband or the wife.

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mmmm...I read this thread last nite and then got to thinking... :rolleyes: (dangerous for me..LOL)

 

If the hubby was upset with his wife for getting so wasted, but not in touch with his feelings, might this be an unconscious move to get even? I know years ago D and I had issues like that and if he had gotten wasted, after we agreed not to...I might have allowed something like this in my anger...

 

Or maybe the hubby who was also under the influence, had lowered control and the boss asking was such a turn on for him that he didn't control his behavior as well as we would have liked him too? As well as even he would have wanted to, especially with hindsight? And if hubby had not been drinking too then this wouldn't have happened. Maybe the hubby needs to explore if the helpless damsel image was a turn on.

 

In the long run, this episode can be something that helps everyone grow. I don't see how anyone was hurt in an irreparable way. (This from someone who was felt up at age 5 by some dude in a white coat while waiting for my tonsils to be removed. I was 5-didn't tell anyone since it just didn't seem important at the time. It didn't physically hurt, I just wrote the guy off as an idiot examing the wrong kid. I never did find irreparable harm in that experience for me-there doesn't need to be any here either. Just grow from it).

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WTF..TRIBBLES..no harm???? Are you kidding! Just because you let it go doesn't make it right...That is called child molesting! AND that my dear does leave damage!!!!!!! And with this situation it was her boss! That could cause all sorts of problems at work. LET IT GO ...please! IT is called molestation whether the hubby said okay or not SHE didn't which mind you is against the law!!! And for a reason! What the hubby did is soooooo wrong. He allowed his wife to be violated by her Boss knowing good and well that she didn't like him....You need to get out of your little happy box and get into the real world!

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curiousagain said:

OK, we probably aren't going to hear back from the OP, I like to play devils advocate, I like to philosophize sometimes, I'm bored. Bear with me.

 

We aren't cutting the Husband any slack because he was alcohol impaired, but evidently everybody was, including the wife who was incapacitated by alcohol voluntarily. Now obviously, since the boss had hit on her despite her being married beforehand, he deserves the castration/crucifixion at dawn we all wish on him whether sober or inebriated. But, if the husband had been incapacitated and the wife impaired and she had allowed this as her husband was unable to protest, would we be ripping her a new one?? Would we say, "she was drunk"? We have all done or allowed to be done things, while drunk we would not while sober. Admit it, think back, you know you have. I will be the first to raise my hand. I'm not looking to start a flame war, I am just wondering.

 

Thoughts anyone?

 

I can't remember if I said in my reply about this before, so I'll clarify:

 

I am not excusing the wife for getting so wasted she wasn't in control of her own decisions. She is going to have to accept responsibility for her own actions, in this case the lack there of. However, I do hold the husband 9 and definitely the pig boss) more responsible for not putting a stop to this in the beginning. My husband would most definitely kick arse if someone tried this while I was incapacitated in any form. As I would for him. Its a basic respect for another person. Even if it was him trying to subconsciously get even for her getting into that position, it wasn't right. If the shoe was on the other foot, I bet he would have been at least a little pissed.

 

As far as being alcohol impaired.. I never cut anyone slack for that. that's just me though. I am a firm believer in whatever you do, do it in moderation. I have had my fair share of drunken or stoned stupidity. I still had to accept my responsibility for what I did. Let me tell you, some of it was super stupid. Either be able to control yourself and be able to make sound judgment calls or don't do it. I think there are zero innocents in this case. Just some are more guilty than others.

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Well I definitely don't think we'll be hearing back from mr jr555... whether or not he told his wife, whether or not she forgave him, I think he MOST CERTAINLY got more "advice" than he bargained for when he decided to post his problem!

 

I agree with everyone whole-heartedly that he was DEAD WRONG.. and as to the whole "what if she did it to him?" well, I think the ONLY difference is he may not have been AS pissed off when he found out.

 

Just MHO...

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curiousagain said:

We aren't cutting the Husband any slack because he was alcohol impaired, but evidently everybody was, including the wife who was incapacitated by alcohol voluntarily. Now obviously, since the boss had hit on her despite her being married beforehand, he deserves the castration/crucifixion at dawn we all wish on him whether sober or inebriated. But, if the husband had been incapacitated and the wife impaired and she had allowed this as her husband was unable to protest, would we be ripping her a new one?? Would we say, "she was drunk"? We have all done or allowed to be done things, while drunk we would not while sober. Admit it, think back, you know you have. I will be the first to raise my hand. I'm not looking to start a flame war, I am just wondering.

 

I haven't reached any conclusions about the drunkenness factor, but the thing that really pisses me off is that the guy isn't sorry he did it... just sorry that he's going to have to pay the piper. And pay he will. Oh yes.

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biblonde said:
WTF..TRIBBLES..no harm???? Are you kidding! Just because you let it go doesn't make it right...That is called child molesting! AND that my dear does leave damage!!!!!!! And with this situation it was her boss! That could cause all sorts of problems at work. LET IT GO ...please! IT is called molestation whether the hubby said okay or not SHE didn't which mind you is against the law!!! And for a reason! What the hubby did is soooooo wrong. He allowed his wife to be violated by her Boss knowing good and well that she didn't like him....You need to get out of your little happy box and get into the real world!

 

 

Boy......a little rough here don't ya think? All I hear Tribbles is saying is that she could get over it and move on and others might be able to also. No need to get your panties in a twist with her :rolleyes:

 

Brett (and Tammy)

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intuition897 said:
...the thing that really pisses me off is that the guy isn't sorry he did it... just sorry that he's going to have to pay the piper.

I didn't get this feeling from his posts. :o I felt that he is sorry about what he did and understands he was wrong. When I went back and read his posts, I think he was trying to understand why he did something so wrong and how he could best handle his situation.

 

I've said already, I think this was a terrible thing he did. But I believe he knows it.

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What I can't understand is why would someone admit to doing such a reprehensible thing to his wife in a public forum and in his very first post too....

 

*Cough*

 

A subject worthy of discussion, however. It's interesting to see the varying opinions. The scenerio the OP has conjured up does happen, and it serves as a reminder for us to remember to not get so inebriated that we're unable to protect ourselves, or our loved ones. Unless of course that type of thing turns you on. :eek:

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Because this was the only way to do so totally anonymously and I had read some other posts and everyone seemed to be genuinely concerned about issues and I knew I would get advice/admonished etc and not get the usual internet... replies, about the sex side of it. I know it was bad that you are all correct about. I'm not looking to get out of anything. I was looking for some thoughts on how to best handle a situation I created by my own terrible acts and go forward. I do thank those of you who took time to write and voice your opinions and I understand that what I did was horribly wrong.

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Biblonde, you missed my point. No where did I say that what happened to me was right and nowhere did I say that what the OP did was right. They happened though. And I disagree that being molested = permanent damage. As a child how can one tell if a BATH given by a nurse or being touched by a stranger in a white coat is the molesting? If no physical pain is felt, how does a child tell the difference? I was more traumatized by them accidentally letting me see the surgeons’ tools. For me, at age 5, there just wasn’t a big imprint about being touched. I sure as heck don’t feel guilty for not feeling tarnished. I WAS 5. That was 42 years ago. Maybe I was lucky since I can’t tell that it caused any lasting emotional damage.

 

Also, in no place did I post that what the hubby did was ok. I never got the impression the guy came to this board to be beat up over what he knew was wrong. Does it help anyone to be told over and over that they are a jerk? I got the impression he wanted help in figuring out why he allowed it and what to do. The advice to tell the wife is good, no doubt this is something they will have to work through. But is it enough to cause irreparable damage to their relationship? Should it be? I see it as an opportunity for growth. He can learn more of who he is, and find ways to avoid behaving in a way that is wrong in the future. If he has no clue why he did it, what will he do next time? Will he know how to avoid a repeat of the behavior?

 

Everyone I know has at some point in life done stupid things that emotionally hurt someone else. The best way to grow from it (for me anyway) is to be able to figure out what the heck I was feeling/thinking at the time. And I encourage others to also. I'm also a big believer in forgiving others and myself for being a screwed up human on a planet on the far edge of the universe.

 

You want me to get into the real world biblonde? The world we are in is more like hell than heaven, imo. I do indeed view what is permanent damage, especially physical, as different from the line the OP crossed. Both the wife and hubby and boss are adults, able to use coping skills to learn and grow and get past the experience. No harm that can’t be coped with occurred unless they make it so. Permanent damage is Female Genital Mutilation and bombs that blow off body parts and…well…I hope you get the idea. And humans are amazing that even some of those who are damaged by FGM and bombs and other damage, find ways to cope and have lives that are full of moments of happiness.

 

Quote

 

Vespertine posted:

The scenerio the OP has conjured up does happen, and it serves as a reminder for us to remember to not get so inebriated that we're unable to protect ourselves, or our loved ones. Unless of course that type of thing turns you on.

 

It is good to remember alcohol affects everyone even in small amounts.

 

Thanks to WildMiCouple for hearing what my meaning was. :kissface:

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jr555666 said:
Because this was the only way to do so totally anonymously and I had read some other posts and everyone seemed to be genuinely concerned about issues and I knew I would get advice/admonished etc and not get the usual internet... replies, about the sex side of it. I know it was bad that you are all correct about. I'm not looking to get out of anything. I was looking for some thoughts on how to best handle a situation I created by my own terrible acts and go forward. I do thank those of you who took time to write and voice your opinions and I understand that what I did was horribly wrong.

 

Wow man, you've got guts. You took the verbal ass-kicking of a lifetime on here. :) And yes, I took my shot too. Glad that you understand the magnitude of what you've done. It's the first step. Frankly, I don't know how you'll bring it up to her, but you really do have to do it. I can, however, tell you what to expect. You can likely expect her to think you're joking at first. Then when she realizes you're serious, watch as she pulls her shirt closer over her chest in a protective fashion, run for the bathroom, puke in the toilet (if she makes it that far), and spend about 3 hours in the shower. She was raped. She is NOT going to take that very well. You may or may not get to sleep on the couch - the alternative being the curb. She may very well want to end the relationship. Life is all about choices and living with their consequences. Doesn't seem fair sometimes, but nobody said life had to be fair. If she chooses to forgive you (don't expect this anytime soon - in fact, don't expect it at all), realize that your relationship may change drastically. She will no longer feel safe with you, and you will have to do a lot of suffering and hard work to earn back her trust...and it may never pay off. I'm sorry if I'm painting a grim picture, but it is reality. If you two can work through this, I'd say you'd have yourselves a really rock-solid relationship to show for it.

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This may sound very UN-politically correct but I think that not only most men wouldn't have even close to that reaction, but a lot of women wouldn't take it that way either. I think the letdown will be in the area of trust and that he's taken so long to tell her already. She might very well be pissed, but I don't think it's necessarily true that she's going to feel as if she was raped. Depends on the person, people react differently and this isn't a violation that is so far out there that it's a sure thing she will feel that way. My opinion.

 

Regardless, I think the guy needs to fess up on it and take his lumps, whatever they may be. IMHO marriages are continuouly either getting stronger or weaker, and hiding things like this definitely isn't making anything stronger. Deal with it and in time things will improve or perhaps they will go the other way, but it still needs to be dealt with or things already are going the other way.

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This may sound very UN-politically correct but I think that not only most men wouldn't have even close to that reaction, but a lot of women wouldn't take it that way either. I think the letdown will be in the area of trust and that he's taken so long to tell her already. She might very well be pissed, but I don't think it's necessarily true that she's going to feel as if she was raped. Depends on the person, people react differently and this isn't a violation that is so far out there that it's a sure thing she will feel that way. My opinion.

 

Regardless, I think the guy needs to fess up on it and take his lumps, whatever they may be. IMHO marriages are continuouly either getting stronger or weaker, and hiding things like this definitely isn't making anything stronger. Deal with it and in time things will improve or perhaps they will go the other way, but it still needs to be dealt with or things already are going the other way.

 

Ok, I guess I should've added that if it were me being told that my fat, ugly old boss got to fondle and suck on my breasts while I lay there unconscious and helpless while my husband not only stood by, but actually enabled the arsehole to do so, that would be my reaction exactly. Maybe others would be a little more forgiving, but I would feel absolutely used, disrespected, violated, embarrassed, ashamed...and above all very, very hurt and abandonned.

 

However, I do agree with your opinion that marriages are constantly changing for the better or the worse. Yes, not telling her is counter-productive.

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