Sex Accidents - What's Your Worst Case Scenario?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Sex Accidents Send Victims to Emergency Room Twice a Week

 

So now after reading it, what is YOUR worst case scenario, either real or imagined (and please do specify if it really happened.

 

I can honestly say I have had to go fishing for condoms at least twice that I can recall and I have broken one bed. Luckily, I've never (yet) had anyone puke on me.

[Mich149 16]

When me and the wife were in high school & dating, her neighbor (a cop) pulled up to my car in the park put the spot light in the car (she topless). And wanted to know what were we doing. She thought she was so busted!

[Quin 17]

This has just happened within the past 18 months (a year ago this past May, in fact). I was at a get together with some swinging friends at one of the couple's house. Well, of course, everyone was naked, all very involved. I was in the computer chair (one very similiar to mine with arms, swivels, rolls, leans back, you know the kind) getting fucked, my butt scooted up to the edge of the chair, my shoulders leaning back against the back of the chair (it wasn't a high backed chair) and I was jerking off another guy with my right hand...well in the heat of the moment the chair tilted past it's point and the chair began falling backwards. That's all I remember as I hit my head against the corner of the computer table and was literally knocked out. Apparently when the chair started falling, I locked down a death grip on the guy I was jerking off, I suppose in an effort to keep myself from going down with the chair and I was told the guy fucking me tried grabbing me to keep me from going down, the other guy was basically useless from not only being squeezed by my death grip but almost pulled down on top of me because I didn't let go til I hit my head. I was told they tried everything to bring me back to consiousness...vinegar, lemon, bleach...nothing work so everyone had to scramble around getting dressed while the ambulance was on the way. They did cover me with a sheet as they didn't have time to even get me semi-dressed. The first to arrive on the scene was a policeman and he asked a bunch of questions as to why I wasn't dressed and my friend told me that he had to know from everyone's frumpy thrown together look and me naked that something was going on, especially with one guy practically dancing around because he had been squeezed and pulled beyond his limit. Anyhow, the paramedics brought me to in the ambulance and I had to spend two nights in the hospital with a severe brain contusion and concussion. Not to mention I had a headache that lasted for an eternity it seemed.

 

I'm kind of tenderheaded and have spent a few nights over the years in the hospital because of a contusion or concussion and I thank God for that, as I think it made it much easier for my mother to believe that I slipped and hit my head getting out of the swimming pool. To this day she says I'm lucky I didn't fall back into the pool and drown.

[Mich149 16]

Dam Quin talk about rough sex. lol

[Alura 2,773]

Okay... (Chuckle,chuckle...) Here goes...

 

This happened before I met Mrs. Alura. I had a friend who travelled widely and would, when possible, fix her itinerary so we could spend a weekend in bed.

 

I picked her up at the airport and we stopped in the local Sex Shop for a toy before going to my apartment. Our choice was a cock ring with a rubber, clitoris stimulating, pad at the top.

 

I had to put the damn thing on while soft and had no trouble at first. About the time things heated up sufficiently that I was inside her, I became aware of an increasing pain. My penis began to swell. The pain got progressively worse.

 

"I have to stop," I told her.

 

"No! Don't stop!" she almost screamed.

 

"I have to!" I said, physically wrenching myself from the grip of her arms and legs and peering with horror at my disfigured member which was not only throbbing with pain but felt like it was on the verge of bursting!

 

Free of her and definitely no longer aroused, I found I could not take the cock ring off! It was stuck firmly, the erection failed to go away and the pain continued to worsen.

 

"I have to cut it off!" I said in desperation!

 

"Your penis?" she asked with horror.

 

"No, dammit! The cock ring!" (I've always wondered: Would she have considered the penis a viable choice?)

 

"No!" she said, "can't you leave it on for awhile?"

 

"Definitely not! Do you not understand what is happening? I hurts more than you can imagine!" I moaned while frantically searching for a pair of scissors, a butcher knife, anything! I would have considered a chain saw if I'd had one. I finally settled on my trusty Swiss Army knife.

 

"Do you want me to do it for you? she asked.

 

"I'll handle it." I assured her. At that moment I would have trusted no one in the world with the job.

 

It was not easy. The knife was very sharp but I couldn't get it under the ring so I had to carefully cut through it from the outside while avoiding at all costs the purple flesh beneath. As the gash deepened, the thinner rubber stretched a little allowing me to complete the job.

 

Needless to say, I was a worthless sex partner a while. Still, the weekend was young and after a late dinner I found my tongue still worked and so did my penis. Nevertheless it was some time before I could laugh at the incident although my friend was able to laugh at it right away. Too soon, I thought.

[Quin 17]

Have you tried a cock ring since that time? Did you ever figure out what it was that was so painful (maybe too small a ring?). Inquiring minds, ya know!

 

Oh yeah, sure, you would hand your trusty Swiss Army knife over to a woman...was she crazy or what? Women, knives and penises are three things that should never meet at the same time.

[Alura 2,773]

Do cock rings come in different sizes? Well, I suppose they must... I don't know what size that one was, but it was definitely too small. I figured that out right away. No, Quin, I've never owned a cock ring before nor since. I feel quite certain that is the only one I will ever own.

 

I agree with your theory about women, penises and knives, but the rest of the weekend went quite well. My friend, between spontaneous giggles, used the natural healing qualities of a woman's kiss and the whole sordid experience was put behind us. (Jan, if you are out there somewhere reading this, are you still laughing?)

[Quin 17]

I can most certainly understand why you haven't owned a cock ring since! Probably just hearing the words cock ring sends a little cringe throughout your body.

 

I am glad to hear that all was not lost due to your unfortunate problem with the cock ring. And, Mr. Alura, I would just about bet that every time she thinks of the situation, she has a good hearty laugh and it's probably a very fond memory for her.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Ok, while my story doesn't even come close to you guys' I'll share it anyway.

 

When I was in HS I was dating this guy and we were dry humping naked (for those who need an explanation I was sitting on top of him riding his cock but his cock was not in me). At any rate, he came and shot himself right in the eye.

 

Evidently cum doesn't go so well in eyes.

 

I guess in reality this is HIS Worst Case Scenario.....

[BradAndJanet 70]

The best we can do is the time my brother walked in on us. It was back in the days when we were first dating and had the daily hots for each other

 

My brother and I shared an apartment in college. He had just left to go home for the weekend. Five minutes later he returned, having forgotten something, to find us already naked and 'involved' on the couch. Fortunately, there was a blanket nearby, saving us all from further embarrassment. He's never said a word in all these years.

[Perseus 16]

I have two.... One on me and one on my ex wife (and on me I guess... hehehe)

 

When I was a freshman, I went to military school for a year. Now, I was already a sexual person before I went having done quite a bit of experimenting with kids in my neighborhood. Of course being a bunch of young men of all different ages, there were a few dirty mags floating around the barracks. Well, I got a hold of one and on a calm weekend afternoon, while I thought my roommate was out doing what ever people in school do on the weekends, I proceeded to "satisfy myself" with the lovely ladies of Penthouse. Needless to say I got busted, on my knees, mag on the footlocker, wacking myself like I had no cares in the world but that centerfold. I don't think I ever quite lived that down...

 

My second story is about my first blowjob to orgasm. My ex wife, trying to save our marriage I think as she never really had before, went down on me while I was sitting on the couch. She blew me till I had a phenomenal orgasm the made my face buzz. As soon as she swallowed though, it came right back up and in my lap. She turned bright red and ran out of the room embarrassed and I tried not to laugh and went to comfort her that is was ok. Funny how she never believed me when I said things didn't bother me...

 

Jim

 

P.S. There were other things wrong with our marriage other then sex, it was just a symptom, not a cause...

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

As if it's not bad enough that you can get an STD or get pregnant there are so many more hazards of having sex... like what you might ask?

 

Well let's see... you could.....

 

get rug burn

 

get cum in your eye (I did that to a guy once)

 

swallow a dental dam

 

have a car accident

 

have to sleep on the wet spot

 

and many more.

[Mich149 16]

Rug burn is bad, but tile burn is the worst

[LadyandLordAro 15]

So we get raw now and then from too much fucking...that's a bad thing?

[BradAndJanet 70]

Originally posted by LadyandLordAro

So we get raw now and then from too much fucking...that's a bad thing?

That's happened to us before, especially on one of our long weekend getaways. Reminds me of a bad, old joke:

 

"Do you smoke after sex?"

 

"Well, try using a lubricant!"

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

SO what's been your biggest sexual Hazard?

 

For me it would be the Cum in the eye... although he deserved it (so I guess it wasn't really me).

 

Sand in some very not so fun places would be another

 

Yeast infections (if I have too much sex)

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

Hearing damage from all the screaming.

[Guest xerogirl]

For us leg cramps and hip cramps seem to be the hazord we run into THE MOST. Some of those positions really twist the body!

[Guest FreakyBytch]

Not being able to walk properly sometimes for a few days after my husband fucks the shit out of me. Lovely feeling though and I have no regrets at all

[Brit_Pair 62]

I seem to recall a news story where a naked couple (male & female) were found dead in a rowing boat in the centre of a lake. They'd set out for some water-based sex, and then there'd been a thunderstorm . . . .

[Paul&Audrey 21]

On occasion, while making love in the missionary position, the wife and i involuntarily, while in the throws of simultaneous orgasm, have both arched toward each other hard enough to head-butt ourselves, rather painfully...

 

Are we the only ones???

 

Afterwards, its rather humorous to think of each other moaning in orgasm while holding our heads in pain...

 

Please tell us we aren't the only people this has happened to...

[Brit_Pair 62]

Have you considered wearing football helmets?

 

[Paul&Audrey 21]

Hey, didn't I see that in some lousy porno flick somewhere?

 

i believe we have done it a total of 3 times in 11½ years, so well just stick to the rare lil bump on the head... lol

[Brit_Pair 62]

Seems like quite a low (and therefore tolerable) pleasure to pain ratio. Surely worth the sacrifice for the delight of a simultaneous orgasm?

[Paul&Audrey 21]

That is a definate YES!!!

[OhioCouple 40]

Missionary style is a rarity for us, but once while engaged in doggie style for a long enough period, we moved all the way up to the front of our bed and just seconds prior to climax hit our heads smack dab on the headboard (which is ridged). We were quite a sight to see for a couple of days!

 

Since then we angle ourselves on the bed when doing doggie style. Now our only problem is risking a broken neck from hitting the floor when we are out of control!

[Brit_Pair 62]

We've bumped heads on occasion, although I don't recollect it having anything to do with being immersed in the throes of an orgasm. More likely, it was down to clumsiness on both our parts.

 

We did have a near injury during orgasm once. She wanted to see me come on her belly, and so I withdrew at the critical momement, she reached down, gave my shaft the necessary jerk . . . and I shot her in the left eye, and up the left nostril.

 

A tissue and some Optrex minimised any risk of permanent injury.

 

But what a shot!

[DragonsLair 26]

Brit_Pair and OhioCouple,

 

Thanks for the visual this morning. I almost pulled a Sparky and got my new keyboard covered with milk and cheerios. Oh, that's right, we bought a spillproof keyboard this time around. Sis, you might want to look into one yourself.

 

If you've ever watched The Matchmaker, with Janeane Garofolo, you'd know that if two people bump their heads together, it means they're meant to be together. What a great way to prove that theory.

[Uneed_Love 15]

Originally posted by DragonsLair

I almost pulled a Sparky and got my new keyboard covered with milk and cheerios.

Lori and DragonsLair I guess I shall soon invest for some shares in the keyboard industry You are such good keyboard customers that I should soon get wealthy!

 

Thank You Julie... without the swingersboard such a success story could not become possible for me

 

Have a nice day.

[fun_pairTX 26]

Hell we have butted heads, headed butts, rolled off the bed, fallen off the kitchen counter, overturned the couch, and I once got bonked by the ceiling fan. We figure its all good and stuff happens.

[Brit_Pair 62]

An old girlfriend and I once had one of the bottom legs on her bed collapse, causing us to endure an inevitable slow roll onto the floor. I thought it was hilarious, but she took the opposite viewpoint, and sulked for the rest of the day.

 

And I was the one who nearly had something vital snapped off!!

[uneed_love2 16]

Originally posted by DragonsLair

Brit_Pair and OhioCouple,

 

Thanks for the visual this morning. I almost pulled a Sparky and got my new keyboard covered with milk and cheerios. Oh, that's right, we bought a spillproof keyboard this time around. Sis, you might want to look into one yourself.

 

DragonsLair

 

He is T. I am A.

 

Please, please tell me where to find a spillproof keyboard! I always have food on my desk at home...

I was laughing so much that the people next door must be wondering what is going on... and last night I was reading the jokes... I bet I kept the neighbors up...

[DragonsLair 26]

They're available here at Best Buy, an electronics store. It's made by Memorex, but there are probably other manufacturers as well.

 

I hope you find one in your area. With JC around, you'll need one.

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by fun_pairTX

Hell we have butted heads, headed butts, rolled off the bed, fallen off the kitchen counter, overturned the couch, and I once got bonked by the ceiling fan. We figure its all good and stuff happens.

ROFL! And here I thought it was just us! My hubby got bonked by the ceiling fan once too! Our bed sits up rather high. Early on in our relationship, I changed the bedroom around which put the ceiling fan right above the bed. His having been used to the fan NOT being in harms way got him darn near knocked out in some early morning "gymnastics". An ice pack or two later and lots of coddling soothed the moment that it killed.

 

OMGoodness....he's gonna die when he finds out I told about that one! But he'll probably be happy I didn't talk about the fireplace! .... yet!

[Brit_Pair 62]

Yep, nothing like a decapitation to get the old blood pumping in the bedroom!!

[uneed_love2 16]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

ROFL! And here I thought it was just us! My hubby got bonked by the ceiling fan once too! .

 

OMGoodness....he's gonna die when he finds out I told about that one! But he'll probably be happy I didn't talk about the fireplace! .... yet!

 

Thank God I read that! I was thinking of getting a ceiling fan... Maybe I'll just stick to my portable one... at least I can move it out of the way!

[Uneed_Love 15]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

But he'll probably be happy I didn't talk about the fireplace! .... yet!

WE WANT TO KNOW... WE WANT TO KNOW... LOL... Do not tell us it's a story about a grilled sausage

 

Kisses

[Roxysbayou 20]

Originally posted by Uneed_Love

WE WANT TO KNOW... WE WANT TO KNOW... LOL... Do not tell us it's a story about a grilled sausage

 

Or possibly flaming tresses? Or toasted buns?

 

Inquiring minds want to know!

[Brit_Pair 62]

There are some adjective-noun combinations that were simply never intended to be.

 

"Char-grilled" and "genitals" is one such combination!!

[OhioCouple 40]

The fireplace....

 

I love a fire burning in the winter time. I happen to think it is romantic and sort of sets the stage for some intimate love making. Now mind you this event happened long before we even talked about swinging.

 

I set up our living room with a crackling fire, lit some candles, spread comforters across the oriental rug and put in one of hubby's favorite porn video's in anticipation of a love fest. My hubby doesn't care for a fire and says that it is a waste of heat to burn one, but that didn't stop me from buying two arm loads of fire wood and setting 'my mood'.

 

We got rather heavily involved in some aggressive love making which led us closer to the hearth. A big *pop* occured and sent out a cinder which landed smack dab on the top of hubby's head. (We were in a missionary style postion). Hubby immediately put out all fires, the one on his head, the fireplace and my internal fire.

 

End result, it singed a nice portion of his hair (which looked funny for a while) and thankfully not many could see it as he is rather tall. For those that could, he explained it as being that he suffered a *bad* haircut.

 

And I'm left to wonder why he won't buy a cord of wood for me?

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by uneed_love2

Thank God I read that! I was thinking of getting a ceiling fan... Maybe I'll just stick to my portable one... at least I can move it out of the way!

Get that ceiling fan, just be sure to get one of the ones that 'hug' the ceiling and doesn't have all the fancy drop down lights. Not only are they a pain to clean, but they add additional danger to bedroom gymnastics!

[Uneed_Love 15]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

he explained it as being that he suffered a *bad* haircut.

Yeah from the ceiling fan.... LOL... Humm I remember You said You're part native this can explain the "scalp dance"

 

Kisses

[uneed_love2 16]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

Get that ceiling fan, just be sure to get one of the ones that 'hug' the ceiling and doesn't have all the fancy drop down lights. Not only are they a pain to clean, but they add additional danger to bedroom gymnastics!

 

Hmm that was exactly the kind I was going to get... With the lights...

I think I will scrap this idea as my bed is fairly high and right below where the fan would be.

 

Besides with JC's love for anything native, he might want to use the fan for different activities...

[Roxysbayou 20]

Once while spending the weekend at a ski lodge with one of my old flames, we were getting pretty hot and heavy on a sofa bed, and somehow ended up sideways close to the back of the sofa. I guess that the combination of the off balanced weight and the motion caused the entire bed to tip upwards and we were both engulfed by the couch. We had to yell to the couple who was staying in the next room to come and get us out!

 

[uneed_love2 16]

Originally posted by Roxysbayou

Once while spending the weekend at a ski lodge with one of my old flames, we were getting pretty hot and heavy on a sofa bed, and somehow ended up sideways close to the back of the sofa. I guess that the combination of the off balanced weight and the motion caused the entire bed to tip upwards and we were both engulfed by the couch. We had to yell to the couple who was staying in the next room to come and get us out!

 

 

CNN local news:

 

The last ski trip.

This morning a couple was found caught in the act! Their love making must have been very passionate as the sofa objected and swallowed them up. Unfortunately they were alone at home and must have been stuck together for at least 5 days. The funeral will be held on Saturday at 3PM.

 

What a way to go!

[beaverz 18]

When Sex Goes Bad (Not to be confused with bad sex or no sex life)!

 

We watched the movie “Chasing Amy” over the weekend and could relate to the scene where they were discussing injuries they obtain while having sex. I thought it would make for a good thread.

 

Here’s one of our (When Sex Goes Bad) stories.

 

This occurred when my wife and I first started dating. We were in her bedroom in the dark. I was on top and raised up and pounding away. The bed was rockin and the headboard was slamming the wall (no one else was there, so no problem). Anyway my wife (girlfriend at the time) began to buck wildly, hell I thought she was really getting into it. She also started making strange noises (like gargling). I didn't relize anything was wrong, I guess half my brain was shut down due to the lack of blood flow, I just thought she was having a violent orgasm and plus I was doing all I could to stay on. She was like bucking horse, I was really enjoying myself.

 

(Hang in there it's nothing disgusting)

 

I began feeling a liquid substance on my arms and hands and noticed she was spitting and gagging. That’s when she finally managed to tell me to “GET THE HELL OFF” (she didn’t mean sexually). I stopped, got off and she got up and went straight to the bathroom. I stumbled around in the dark, trying to find something to wipe my hands and arms off. I figured she had gotten sick. Of course I thought to myself maybe “I fucked her too hard”. I knew I was good, but damn.

 

She came back in the room holding her head. I asked if she was alright. She said, no, I have an extremely bad headache. I asked her was it something she ate, she replied with “what are you taking about”. I said, didn’t you just get sick. She said NO, I didn’t get sick. She went on to tell me what happened. Apparently there was a 16 ounce glass of water sitting on her headboard. It tipped over dumping water into her open mouth and then fell on her, hitting her right between the eyes.

 

I obviously I wasn’t paying much attention and didn’t notice. Like I said it was dark and I was in enjoying myself. She was trying to get me to stop, but was unable to speak due to gagging on the water. She said she thought she was going to pass out from the glass hitting her in the face or drown from the water dumped in her mouth. She had a nice big bruise right between her eyes. Being the caring guy that I was back then, I had to ask “I guess a blowjob is out of the question? That obviously ended the night’s activities. We had to make up some story to tell her mom about the bruise, which was funny in its self.

 

Lesson learned; clear the headboard and leave some type of a light on.

 

Anyone else experiences a sexual encounter that went wrong maybe causing an injury.

 

I’m surprised the Fox Network hasn’t done a special “When Sex Goes Bad” right after “When Animals Attack”.

[findtime 16]

I laughed out loud when I read this!

 

.......Still laughing.

 

OMG. I'm glad she was ok.

[Vespertine 31]

Mwahahaha!

 

I about died when I read this.

 

We don't have a history of maiming eachother in bed. Nothing weird has ever happened to me in the past either. I'll have to ask my husband if he's ever had a "sex gone bad" moment.

[good times 991]

It's funny how something can be so funny that is so serious at the time.

 

We had a sex turned bad experience at the club one night. We hooked up with a couple and got a room with a Jacuzzi and what was supposed to be a queen bed, but was no bigger than a twin in reality. All four of us were on the bed having a good time, and the bed was bouncing and rocking pretty vigorously when all of a sudden Mrs. GT got pitched off the bed backwards. When she came down from her arcing trajectory she landed on her back on the step of the Jacuzzi. We all stopped and she slowly picked herself up off the floor while we were trying to choke back our laughter. Fortunately, she seemed unhurt except for a scratch on her back from the tile step which wasn't bleeding too bad and didn't look like it required stitches. Needless to say the fun was over for a while because it is hard to have sex while laughing hysterically, which is what we commenced to do after we ascertained that she was going to live and was taking her unexpected transition into extreme gymnastics in good humor.

[Atilla 16]

OMG, LOL, and OUCH!!!!

 

I'm sorry I can't entertain anyone with any stories other than a severe case of rug burn.