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Vespertine

Truly uncomfortable or just hidden desires?

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In He gets a real woman and all I get is a dildo? by ppdp, she was wondering if perhaps the reason her husband will not allow playtime with men is because he may be suppressing a secret bi attraction to men.

 

There is that theory that some men that might question their own sexuality are not comfortable around gay/bi men at all or other men in sexual situations.

 

I'm NOT saying that all men that are uncomfortable around other naked men in play situations are gay or bi or anything, but I'm wondering if some men could be.

 

I'd really like to hear people's opinions about this, especially from the bisexual men who maybe struggled with being able to admit their attractions to the opposite sex in the past.

 

*Once again, I'm not saying that ALL men that don't like to get naked around other men are secretly gay/bi. Some men just don't like to because they just don't. :)

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I used to classify myself as bi-curious, but after being with a couple who the male said that he was bi-curious as well, I've determined that I probably am not. Didn't even have the least urge to see it happen. I am not saying that I'd never try it, just do not believe I am what I thought I was. That being said, if I am uncomfortable with my wife around other men it has usually proven to be a valid reason. Call is spidey senses or intuition as things progressed she has become more uncomforable as well.

 

I wonder if men who have problems with their partner with another male see themselves as adequate?

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I think it's definitely a factor with some men. From what I've seen, men tend to be a bit more homophobic than women, and women tend to be more homophobic about men.

 

I don't know how many women I've heard say that they can understand 2 ladies making out, but not 2 guys.

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I know one woman who says that seeing two men together is a real turn on for her...personally I don't get it.

 

Two women on the other hand, yep, that'll do it every time. :facelick:

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I know one woman who says that seeing two men together is a real turn on for her.....

Now you know another one. Me.

 

A big fantasy of mine is a 3-some with me and two bi guys. I have to note that this will remain a fantasy for me because my husband isn't sexually attracted to men.

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Guest clem

Obvious Answer #1 is to find two bi-guys to have sex with -you're in FLA, shouldn't be that difficult; invite the husband along. #2, find two bi-guys that you can voyeur; invite the husband along -maybe you can make something of it with his back turned toward them and his face turned towards you. #3, rent a DVD.

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Alas, my fantasy will remain just that.

 

My only option is #3. Which doesn't really do it for me since I'm not in the video with the guys. My husband has given me permission to go off on my own to indulge in my fantasy but I'm not comfortable playing w/out him.

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Vespertine said:
A big fantasy of mine is a 3-some with me and two bi guys. I have to note that this will remain a fantasy for me because my husband isn't sexually attracted to men.

Ditto!

 

Two gay guys who are partners are good friends of mine. I have thought they might be a way for my fantasy to be realized one day. :rolleyes:

 

They don't know I'm a swinger, and our age difference could make me their mom.

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I once met a lady from San Francisco at a campground near Istanbul. I gave her a ride to the airport after a couple of days hanging out together. If I were to write a story, "The Most Interesting Person I Ever Met," she'd be one of the finalists on my list.

 

She was bi and had convinced her husband to swap with some long-time friends. During the play, the ladies got together and so did the men.

 

Her husband was never able to make love to her after that. Being with a woman sickened him.

 

They had divorced good friends and she was traveling before deciding where to go with her life.

 

I kissed her "goodbye" and put her on her flight. I don't think I ever knew where the flight was going.

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LikeMinds321 said:

Two gay guys who are partners are good friends of mine. I have thought they might be a way for my fantasy to be realized one day. :rolleyes:

 

A close (and VERY HOT :facelick:) gay male friend of mine enjoys women at times. He and I often conversed about how cool it would be to seduce my husband together. My husband overheard us plotting and scheming one night. He promptly sat us down and informed us it would never happen, under any circumstance and we weren't even allowed to fantasize about him anymore. :lol:

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Ves, I can see your husband's very serious face right now.

 

I bet it took everything in your power not to break out laughing at that moment. :lol:

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It's interesting because I've heard from many that they believe that men who enjoy seeing their women have sex with other men are actually suppressing bi desires. Now, this could be turned around to say that those who point out bi-ness in others and are the most anti-bi/ homo-phobic are actually the ones suppressing the bi desires. So, it could go either way.

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Vespertine said:
A close (and VERY HOT :facelick:) gay male friend of mine enjoys women at times. He and I often conversed about how cool it would be to seduce my husband together. My husband overheard us plotting and scheming one night. He promptly sat us down and informed us it would never happen, under any circumstance and we weren't even allowed to fantasize about him anymore. :lol:

 

Oh no Ves - funny though. I think James would have the exact same reaction!!!

 

I think I would like to watch just once so I could form an opinion about seeing 2 guys together - I guess its something that I have never really though of before, but now that I am thinking about it - it would be very interesting. But alas - it will never happen, James has made that VERY clear :)

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Vespertine said:
... I'm NOT saying that all men that are uncomfortable around other naked men in play situations are gay or bi or anything, but I'm wondering if some men could be. ...

 

I believe that you're probably right, some men are uncomfortable for that very reason. Boys in our American culture are indoctrinated from a very early age that being a 'sissy' or a 'queer' is wrong, wrong, wrong. Unfortunately, this leaves the minority who are attracted to men with little chance to openly explore that part of their sexuality. For example, how many times have you read about married men being caught cruising the public parks for a little male-male action? It's sad, really, that our society allows them no other outlet for their very real feelings.

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A close (and VERY HOT facelick ) gay male friend of mine enjoys women at times. He and I often conversed about how cool it would be to seduce my husband together. My husband overheard us plotting and scheming one night. He promptly sat us down and informed us it would never happen, under any circumstance and we weren't even allowed to fantasize about him anymore. :lol:

 

:rofl: Ves...that is too funny :lol:

 

Bring your friend and come for a visit, I know lots of bi men and I'm sure I could find someone to help you out with your fantasy.

 

Ummm BTW...I personally think two men together are just as hot and sexy as two women together.

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......... and we weren't even allowed to fantasize about him anymore. :lol:

 

Girl...I'd take his word for it if he won't even let you fantasize about it :lol:

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Ok this is my first post and this is the perfect time and spot for it. Ive been married to my hubby for 10 glorious years, in the beginning he was soooo homophobic! I would have never thought in a lifetime that he would switch, until year before last while we were moving... in passing he said to me that he would like to try oral sex with a guy! After picking up my jaw and changing my panties (instant gratification) I of course asked him about it over and over and over and over again.

 

Then last year he dropped another bomb on me and said that he would like to try full blown sex with another guy! Again with the jaw and panties thing...anyways, it just amazing to me that he went from being dead set against gay sex to wanting it bad...IMO, I think its the ones that are completely dead set against it to the point of "obsession" (for lack of better word) are the ones that secretly want to at least try it. Society has built up same sex as this horrible disgusting thing, when in actuality it is just...sex...hot, sweaty sex...if more people let their reservations down and threw out the outdated sexual morality issues there would be a lot less unhappiness in the world.

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It's interesting because I've heard from many that they believe that men who enjoy seeing their women have sex with other men are actually suppressing bi desires. Now, this could be turned around to say that those who point out bi-ness in others and are the most anti-bi/ homo-phobic are actually the ones suppressing the bi desires. So, it could go either way.

I've heard this as well. Not an uncommon school of thought. I'm not exactly sure how true it is, though.

 

In my own personal experiences, I've seen a couple of the most adamant anti-bi/homophobes turn out to be closeted and in a very nasty struggle in their own mind. It's not pretty, and I feel for them. Internal conflict can rip a person up inside, sometimes leading to depression, anxiety, and other, even worse things.

 

There are many on this board who are confident and secure in the fact that they are just not interested in M/M fun. They are fortunate; they aren't the ones who get swept up in this whirlwind of anger and frustration. As an outsider, I just hope that the self-acceptance stage comes for them as soon as possible. It's never fun to watch someone suffer.

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I think it could go either way. I think if my husband was bi-curious he would mention it though. He's always said "why would I want a hairy bulky man with tough skin when I could have a smooth woman with curves in all the right places".

 

I used to think the idea of two men together wasn't appealing. In the past year and being on the boards my mind has opened a little further and sometimes I think it would be interesting to watch and it even turns me on a little. I don't know if it's really because I think two men together could be exciting or just because it's a taboo and sometimes things just being taboo can be exciting.

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I wrote numerous stories that included male/male contact in swinging and the responses showed that a lot of wives would enjoy seeing their husband with another man. I even believe our Julie admitted to exactly that once but said that her husband just wouldn't go for it. :)

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I'm a very straight male. I have no problem being around other naked men, it doesn't bother me.

 

On the other hand male-male sex is a MAJOR turn off, it grosses me out, so I wouldn't be 'comfortable' anywhere near it. My wife is of the same mindset (as are our swing partners) and if we were ever in a situation where male-male contact was going on, we would leave.

 

I know it has nothing to do with me having a secret homosexual side I'm repressing, I'm not 'grossed out' by my own reaction, but just find the thought repulsive much like seeing bestiality.

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