Wife playing with co-worker's husband, I'm feeling left out

[bicpl4adultfun 15]

My wife and I have swung before with a couple friend of ours/hers. My dilemma is that she started a new part time job about a month ago, while at this job she and another employee started flirting with each other, (she is bi) he is straight with a bi wife. She came home one night from work and asked if she could sleep with him, finding the idea exciting, I agreed. I like to have her tell me about her past experiences while we have sex. originally they were going to get a room at a motel. since then, it has now become, her going to his place to have sex with him AND his wife. I said that I wanted to be involved if his wife was. He does not want me to be there. This is their first time to do this. He has said that he can't perform with me in the room.

 

My issue with the whole situation, (which has put me on an emotional rollercoaster) is that my wife really wants to do this. And being that I had already told her OK, I don't know what to do? She hasn't been with another woman in quite some time. I know that she really has her heart set on this. One part of me wants this, the other part of me doesn't. Should I let her do this and just deal with my emotions afterwards?

 

Emotionally Confused

[biblonde 22]

HMMMM...Co workers and sex....a big NO NO first off. And it seems a little one sided here. He is bringing in his wife but you are told no?? You do have the right to tell her No...we beleive that either of us can change our minds at any time and the other respects that. I would never hurt my hubby by telling him that sorry it will be both of them now but you arent invited. That doesnt seem fair at all what she is asking of you. You as a couple comes first and if you allow this to happen and you arent totally for it to start with I would be afraid that you would resent her in the future or it would at least cause some hard feelings. I would really think twice before I would allow this to happen. The other hubby changed the rules when he brought his wife into the mix of stuff...so only fair if you want to say no they really shouldnt have a problem with it.

 

One other thing, have you talked to your wife about your feelings on this? If not you may sit down with her and let her know that you arent sure just how comfy you are with this situation. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out!!

[bicpl4adultfun 15]

TY I think that I'll set down with her tonight, and let it all out.

[biblonde 22]

That is the best thing to do..I really dont think she would want to hurt you or make you feel left out. But if she doesnt know how you feel...how can she decide what is best for the two of you? I really hope your talk with her goes good!

[dutch51 15]

HMMMM...Co workers and sex....a big NO NO first off. And it seems a little one sided here. He is bringing in his wife but you are told no?? You do have the right to tell her No...we beleive that either of us can change our minds at any time and the other respects that. I would never hurt my hubby by telling him that sorry it will be both of them now but you arent invited. That doesnt seem fair at all what she is asking of you. You as a couple comes first and if you allow this to happen and you arent totally for it to start with I would be afraid that you would resent her in the future or it would at least cause some hard feelings. I would really think twice before I would allow this to happen. The other hubby changed the rules when he brought his wife into the mix of stuff...so only fair if you want to say no they really shouldnt have a problem with it.

 

 

Very well said biblonde, we must agree with you. There's a lot of potential for trouble with this situation. If your wife has her heart set on doing something like this, then it would be best to find a couple in which you can you can all be involved and there's no danger of workplace drama. Hubby and I have equal veto power at any time and if we were ever in a situation where the other husband said my husband could not be there, then that would be the end of dealing with them, pure and simple. If he's worried about performance issues, there are ways to deal with that but leaving you out of the mix is not the way to do it. I wouldn't want my husband involved with a couple where I was not welcome either. Just because you said yes to a particular scenario doesn't mean when things change that the answer cannot change as well.

 

If you are uncomfortable with any aspect of this for any reason, then please sit down with your wife and tell her why. Have her read this thread if possible. Ask her what it is she has her heart set on so firmly- this kind of scenario, this particular person, just swinging in general or what? It sounds like things really need to be put on hold with this couple, maybe permanently, until the two of you can have some satisfactory conversations about what you're both thinking and feeling. Good luck to you and please come back and let us know how things are going!

 

M.

[bicpl4adultfun 15]

TY bi & M. your input has helped alot. I'll let ya'll know what happens.

[JandCMI 15]

I know that she really has her heart set on this. One part of me wants this, the other part of me doesn't. Should I let her do this and just deal with my emotions afterwards?

 

Absolutely not. If you are uncomfortable with it, no. Anyways, it sounds like they are just trying to line up a bif threesome for her husband with no regard for you at all.

[fun_pairTX 26]

If you don't say something now you are really setting yourself up for a fall. After you and your wife spoke, He changed the playing field, not you. In our view you have every right to blow the play dead with your whistle.

[WildMiCouple 325]

I agree with every other reply.......don't let her do it if you're uncomfortable with it. You both should be 100% comfortable with the situation for it to proceed forward. Besides, the other husband sounds like an ass......changes the original plans and then makes his own rules. I can smell the trouble all the way up here in Michigan on this one

 

Brett (and Tammy)

[jennandjamesinm 87]

I would talk with your wife and tell her how you feel. Remember that swinging with your partner is all about communication!!! And to have the husband switch the rules up after you gave your blessing is just down right dirty!!! I'd pull up stakes and RUN the other way as fast as you can!!! Not to mention the problems that this would cause at the work place - one of our rules, we don't play with people we work with.

 

Jenn

[Vespertine 31]

She hasn't been with another woman in quite some time. I know that she really has her heart set on this. One part of me wants this, the other part of me doesn't. Should I let her do this and just deal with my emotions afterwards?

You are sweet, bicpl4adultfun for wanting to give your wife what she wants. However, remember to not sacrifice your happiness & level of comfort in doing so.

 

If you are uncomfortable, please tell her before anything happens.

 

Do you two frequently allow solo play or is this new territory for your relationship?

[bicpl4adultfun 15]

well vesp, before we were married (2 yrs ago) I had a fling with a co-worker, with her approval. And with the intention of the two of them getting together. I found other work elsewere before that could happen. And since the marriage I have had a couple of sexual encounters with another guy. But I didn't do any of this without discussing it with the love of my life, my wife. But...she keeps bringing up these instances, and saying that I'm being selfish, just thinking of myself. The co-worker instance was before we started swinging. And I've stopped all other relations with singles(for a long time now). I talked to her about it tonight. She agreed and called the other wife to not call it off, but to let them know that if I'm not included the deals off. I'm a little worried because my wife went to see her(his wife) to discuss the situation. He is supposedly at work. I trust my wife, with everything, but I have that same uneasy feeling.She asked if I wanted to have sex when she got home, I said that if I wasn't asleep. It's already past the usual time I go to bed. I just don't know....

[EvilMJ 65]

when you are feeling unsure like this, then it is going to eat you up inside. I think you two need to quit it all, sit down and decide if this is healthy for your marriage, and if so what are your rules. I think the play together rule is a good one, it does not leave you feeling left out. It is hard to make swinging work without being 100% in tune with the needs and desires of your partner. If you are in it for just yourself, then it is going to cause problems.

 

Good luck. I hope it works out

[twoplayful2 16]

when you are feeling unsure like this, then it is going to eat you up inside.

Exactly! A great reason why not to mix swinging and work and also to swing together. Of course many people swing separately and do fine but it's not for most because of stuff like this. If things needed to be even, which they don't, then you're more than even anyway. I suggest if she wants to be in the lifestyle that you get into it together and go that route. There are PLENTY of options out there to satisfy both of you. It will be a bit of a drag for her to have to break off something that is so much fun for her, but she should be understanding of your feelings and that should be that. Honestly, they all sound like they've been selfish to me, your wife included. Hopefully it's only a short-term thing with the wife and who really cares about the other couple.

[Alura 2,775]

I agree that you and your wife must get on the same page of all this. There is no sense developing problems in your marriage for a little pleasure.

 

Now, as a way of leveling the field, and testing what the other guy has in mind, you might consider agreeing to your wife's visit to their house for a threesome, IF his wife comes to your house for the same thing. He would have to stay home and wonder what is going on, just like he thinks you should.

 

My guess is that he'll shout a resounding, "NO!" If not, well, it would be a fair arrangement, no? (You should NOT suggest this if you couldn't carry through, by the way.)

 

Perhaps several talks with your wife are needed.

 

Mr. Alura

[Alura 2,775]

Twoplayful2 wrote:

 

I suggest if she wants to be in the lifestyle that you get into it together and go that route.

 

This, in my opinion, is by far the best alternative.

 

Mr. Alura