Meaningless sex?

[Spoomonkey 421]

I've been thinking about is sex. Squeezing into the 23 hours per day that I have rather graphic, NC-17 type thoughts, has been this one:

 

"Is swinging just 'meaningless' sex?"

 

Don't get me wrong - I don't feel like there is any deep connection that happens with playmates, and most of the time, you play with someone never to see them again. That is fine.

 

Most want friends, but most (I would assume) don't want the sex to be any deeper than just a fun time. But, still, the idea that what we do - swinging, or whatever you want to call it - is just meaningless friction with a random body...

 

To me - that would be disinteresting. There is always a little something more involved. There is an element of flattery when someone attractive is attracted to you. There is an element of acceptance that someone would be open to something so intimate - or animalistic - with you. There is something self-affirming about it all.

 

I don't think it ever gets - or should get - any deeper than that. But if it were truly "meaningless" what would be the point?

 

The idea of "meaningless sex" just doesn't work for me - but maybe I have simply not completely digested what it is about it that bothers me. Recently, we played with a couple whom we will never play with again for various reasons - but even then - the experience wasn't a meaningless one...

 

I don't know...

 

I'm rambling, but trying to put in words what it is that I am thinking...

 

Anyone feel where I'm coming from?

 

What are your thoughts?

[curious24 17]

Meaningless... well being a single male and never having had an experience sometimes i think us single guys have to look at it as meaningless. Some people just use us for the moment and then discard us because there are so many of us. I would hope that I could find some real friends that I can enjoy and care about in and out of the bed room. I'm not saying I would fall in love with anyone it's just a deep level of friendship in my opinion that most people have. Is that meaningless? I think not!

 

But you know some people IMO like the meaningless of having a lot of sex with someone and never seeing them again. I guess it can be exciting? I dunno. I'd much rather be with a woman or a couple who gets who I am and knows exactly where I come from so we could have the most fun possible.

 

Anyway, I could go on and on about this but I don't want to ramble either.

[confunktion 20]

I feel you, Monkey Man. (figuratively...don't freak out on me)

 

Based on other posts I have seen, a meaningless encounter would seem to be what many people would not want. I don't know many women who like getting banged into mindlessly with no feeling whatsoever. I know I would get nothing out of that type of sex, either.

 

IMHO, swinging always means something. There is that spark when you realize someone else is digging you...thinking you are attractive...so attractive that they would like to have sex with you. There is that sexual charge when experiencing a new person with unfamiliar moves, noises, and ways to please you. There is that amazing feeling to know that your SO is being pleased by another. The list goes on.

 

Even if you never see those people again, there was meaning to the experience. It has affected your life to some degree, hopefully positively. It has affected your relationship with your SO, hopefully positively. It probably has affected the other people you just played with, again, hopefully positively.

 

There's meaning everywhere in a swinging experience. You have a believer here, Monkey Bro.

 

Back to my NC-17 train of thought...

[KIKIsiMIKI 15]

Wow! I would quote all the above messages except the Ants part. I'm enjoying lot of chineese foods, but never tried ants. Well...doesn't matter.

 

Ever felt like there is a reason for anything that happens to you? This is one of those feelings.

 

We approached the Lifestyle idea since few months. Never did it yet, but we're still on this track so I guess we will, at least once to get the taste of it. As you all might have experienced, we got our quota of garbage since we started looking and hopefully we found few very interesting couples to consider. We've been talking with such a couple for some time and they’ve been like, let’s say, teachers. They’ve been very open and willing to answer all the questions we had. Somehow we connected on the brain level. We seem to think alike and have the same broad view on things. That’s all very nice. After chatting online a lot, we agreed to meet in flesh and we spent a pleasant evening, again discussing, getting to know each other. Sounds OK, right?

 

Now, all of a sudden, online, we received a stunning suggestion: “we like you very much”, very nice flattery followed, and “we would like to narrow our group to just you and us!” (This is the abridged version.) I totally freaked out.

 

Here is the connection to Mr. Spoomonkey’s topic. We started thinking to swing for the diversity of body feelings and emotions. We’re not insecure of us in any way, but can’t be sure of others and certainly there is a risk in everything. We think it would be best to have a “friendship” like connection before any fooling around. We also think that everything means something and sex is too powerful in us all not to mean a lot. To me, sex is a way of knowing somebody. Sex is hard to fake. In a swing, one would give away all restrains, wants to feel good and is supposed to be generous with the ones that are generous. No point to fake sex. I think that if you like someone for all the non-sexual reasons, you either confirm or deny it through sex. Opposite, one that you enjoyed or not sexually, is likely to prove the same as a person (for your reasons). At least this is my experience.

I would like to have your feed back on what just happened to us.

 

Now, coming back to the original topic, as a teenager, all I had in mind was just sex and it was meaningless. Maturing made me smile at those times. It looked with no meaning, but it had a purpose. It added to who I am now. As others, I need a meaning for anything including sex. Otherwise it is just jerking with another body instead of your hand.

[CB_n_Red 16]

Now, all of a sudden, online, we received a stunning suggestion: “we like you very much”, very nice flattery followed, and “we would like to narrow our group to just you and us!” (This is the abridged version.) I totally freaked out.

 

Hmmm.... That would freak us out as well, and we're by no means new to the game. We made the decision very early on that we would not be exclusive with any other couple or even with a small group of couples. We enjoy the variety too much to want to tie ourselves down like that. Being so exclusive would barely feel like swinging to us. More like polyamory. For us that route is a non-starter.

 

We're intrigued though - how did you respond?

[KIKIsiMIKI 15]

CB & Red,

 

We have said we were touched by the flattery but we never thought of them or others to such extent. Being said at a very late hour in the night, they suggested we should sleep on it and we replied it's such a strange idea that we can't sleep on. Supposedly we will have another chat over this.

 

We tried to turn it on all facets and were unable to find any conclusion. There can be several explanations for this and with none of it we are comfortable. The most puzzling thing to consider is that they have over 15 years of swinging experience and we have none. Somehow I've got the taste of captivity hearing this.

 

If you're wondering what we will do, most likely we'll put a halt on it. There's one line somebody said here that stuck as a motto: "If you feel you're not comfortable with something/somebody, no need to bother why. It all the time turns out to have a very good reason". This is how we feel now and all the other qualities we saw in them can not fade this feeling.

 

Regards

[EvilMJ 65]

I'm not into exclusive couples....but I do agree that there is something for me in the flirting and the feeling you get when somene is into you. I had a guy look at me the other night and say "other than my wife, I think you are the best looking woman here." It soo rocked, and made me feel awesome.

 

I like the variety of trying new things with new people, and since we swingers up here tend to be a close group, I get to be friends with most of them. So, yeah, I get a boost to the confidence, I feel good about myself, and I make new friends.....the sex is fun too

[Dynamar 246]

IMHO, swinging always means something. There is that spark when you realize someone else is digging you...thinking you are attractive...so attractive that they would like to have sex with you. There is that sexual charge when experiencing a new person with unfamiliar moves, noises, and ways to please you. There is that amazing feeling to know that your SO is being pleased by another. The list goes on.

Agreed, Funk. The thrill of going out with someone for the first time... flirting... hearing someone say how sexy you are, how much you turn them on... and vice versa. For me, there's always gotta be an intellectual connection as well, so even if things don't workout playwise, they're still someone you'd want to talk to again.

[CB_n_Red 16]

The most puzzling thing to consider is that they have over 15 years of swinging experience and we have none. Somehow I've got the taste of captivity hearing this.

 

Must say we're inclined to agree with you on that. It does sound like they want to cage you up! Not good.

 

If you're wondering what we will do, most likely we'll put a halt on it. There's one line somebody said here that stuck as a motto: "If you feel you're not comfortable with something/somebody, no need to bother why. It all the time turns out to have a very good reason". This is how we feel now and all the other qualities we saw in them can not fade this feeling.

 

That strikes us as the right response. It would be for us anyway. It's down to the old gut feelings, which as everyone here usually says, tend to be right.

 

We do hope it all works out fro you.

[BradAndJanet 70]

A fun time is never meaningless, is it? Play, of all sorts, is important and meaningful to a healthy mind and body.

 

Even a bad time is meaningful, if you learn what not to do next time.

[ALilOEverything 901]

Swinging is meaningful sex. It just means something else to me. 'Meaningful sex' is supposed to be sex with love and 'meaningless sex' is supposed to be sex without love. Sex means something else to me than love and when I have sex when swinging it's just full of that meaning. When sex means love I usually call it like many other people do: 'making love'.

 

For me I want it to mean a passing connection of individuals on a sexual level.

[Vantabulous 15]

Hypothesizing, of course, I wouldn't give "Little Van" a chance in Hell of even starting to "sprout" if there weren't some connection.

 

More than that, if Mrs. Van were to be nothing more than a "depository", sorry, but I'd be pissed off. That actually strikes me as more "vanilla" than swinging. ("Knock off a piece of ass with the "chippie" at the bar and get out of here.") Doesn't work for me one bit.

 

Absolutely, there's a "fine line". Maybe too fine for some of us...guess who?

 

My apologies to the "die-hards" among you, but I would never simply "screw" another man's wife/SO. My orgasm, while important to me, ain't that important.

[Guest Mr&Mrs-naughty]

Mrs naughty has meaningless sex but it is usualy with her toys ,

 

But as far as the men we "HotWife" with (That is our new term ), There Is somewhat of a connection, after all he is another human being. But it is more of a sexual connection than romantic one.

[ALilOEverything 901]

Mrs naughty has meaningless sex but it is usualy with her toys

 

Sex with myself is very meaningful... it means a lot to me that I find myself attractive enough to play with me

[WesternSwing 504]

Talking with Mrs. WS, we agree with you, Spoo, that in-of-itself swinging sex is not meaningless. Meaningless would imply there is no reward, no purpose to it. It has to serve some purpose for you or you wouldn't be doing it. What people get out of it may be the same or different for others, but everybody comes away with something that makes them feel good. Thus, it is not meaningless.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Mrs naughty has meaningless sex but it is usually with her toys

 

She just hasn't met the right toy...

 

 

I qualify as a boy toy, by the way...

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Sex with myself is very meaningful... it means a lot to me that I find myself attractive enough to play with me

 

 

Beautifully put!!! Can I use this? I wonder if I could get away with making it my marque screen saver at work? Seriously I am just kidding about that part.

[HotMoCpl 20]

How can sex be meaningless? ANY sex I've ever had meant something to me, and hopefully to my partner.

[Atilla 16]

How can sex be meaningless? ANY sex I've ever had meant something to me, and hopefully to my partner.

 

ITA with this statement and those of others. If swinging is meaningless than so is sex with my vibrator. The purpose of swinging is to get out, have a godd time, and have great sex, right? Many people use it to spice up their own sex lives, which it does therefore it's not meaningless there. We've learned a few new tricks too so that's defiantely not meaningless. I guess it all depends on what you want to get out of swinging?

 

There is a purpose for everything, right?