Why is it So Difficult to find a single female?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I get asked quite a bit why it is so hard to find single females to play with. I get asked this by both couples and single males. The general answer is that there really aren't many single females in the lifestyle. And the few that are are only interested in playing with couples/ threesomes/ female/ female fun. This explains why it's hard for single males to find females to partner with them for clubs/ socials. Does any one have any tips on finding the elusive single females?

[MiCpl 55]

Wish I did have some answers here.. we're still looking for a single female.. and would love some tips. Seems like all we can find are other couples wanting to take me away from my husband and play with me.. and I'm not about to leave him at home alone when he should be able to join in.

[LIZA 20]

Why do so MANY couples even want single women? I posted an ad on Yahoo and got responses from like 30 couples........don't even know where they all came from but all but about 5 thought I should leave my hubby home and join them alone! If you are a couple you should look for other couples, single women don't WANT couples and married women aren't going to ditch their husbands for a couple of strangers!! What is the deal where a man can't deal with having another man around? Just because you meet a couple doesn't mean you have to fully swap, you can do whatever you all agree on!

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

Yes, It's true that there are quite a few couples, and singles that only want a single female, and some that will even attempt to get a wife to swing without her husband. Obviously, the correct way to handle such people is to ignore them and move on.

 

Yet, there are also single females that WANT to be with a couple for a number of reasons. One that I have chatted with says that she prefers couples because she does not want a relationship with a man. She just wanted someone to swing with, and she much prefers a married couple. That way, she does not worry about him trying to get her into a long term relationship. That is their choice, and it is not up to us to pronounce judgement on them for it. If you are not into singles, then simply ignore the response to your ad. It's really just that easy. If you get all upset over it, then perhaps this lifestyle is not for you. There are far too many emotional pitfalls that one can fall into in this lifestyle, and you should not allow yourself to be dragged down to someone elses level.

 

My wife and I choose to seek out couples for a number of reasons, some of which we have already discussed in these forums. We might someday choose to have a single female join us, or a single male for that matter. We do not limit ourselves to any one particular type of swinging relationship. Many other couples only want a single, male or female, and that is the choice they made. We can either respect it, or keep silent about it.

 

Husband of CyberMWCouple

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

The reasons why couples seek single females are various and usually have nothing to do wtih the male being insecure about having another male around.

 

We swing with singles as well as couples (that includes single males as well as females and more often than not single males). Personally, we like 3somes better than 4somes because it allows for all of us to be involved moreso than a 4some would where we end up off in two pairs. As for a single female... I'm bi and I'd love to have a FMF threesome with my hubby.

 

There are couples who do swing solo (without their partners) and there is nothing wrong with that if that is what you are comfortable with doing. However, pushing someone else do so when they aren't into that isn't cool.

 

Whether you are a couple, single male or single female read an ad before you respond and make sure you are what they are looking for and they are what you are looking for. If someone responds to your ad that shouldn't be, let them know that that's not what you are interested in and that you put that in your ad (maybe if they hear it enough they'll stop chasing the wrong people).

[LIZA 20]

Just us personally, the single female we HAVE met were not just women who wanted no strings sex and found a couple the best way. We met a few women who seemed to be just a bundle of issues, very needy and neurotic. For me PERSONALLY, single women and men are just not the way to go. As a woman who has been single in the past, the idea of being with a couple is very unappealing. even if you do get no-strings sex (I just don't there are TOO many women who want that) you are also the 3rd wheel who ends up going home alone. I don't judge people for their desires, but I do get annoyed with people who I feel are narrow minded. And the number of couples I have talked to who are totally against another man present........yet thing their man is entitled to unlimited threesomes........well it numbers in the 100's, maybe 1000's. I personally DO believe there are a LOT of men out there who are uptight and cannot handle being sexual in the presence of other male. Alot of couples just seem so dead set on finding that elusive single woman that they miss out on other opportunity's and end up not doing anything

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by LIZA:

Alot of couples just seem so dead set on finding that elusive single woman that they miss out on other opportunity's and end up not doing anything

 

I agree. Too often I think couples starting off get the idea that it will be easier to start with a single female.. whatever their reason.. for some they may just think that it will be easier to find a single female they both agree on than to find a couple that they both agree on.

 

However, the same thing goes.. couples who only swing with other couples may be missing out on lots of great fun and friendships as well. Each couple has to find what they are comfortable with and go with that, but that doesn't mean skipping out on trying different things in the process.

 

From everyone I've talked to that has had success with finding single females to play with (including my own experiences) it seems to work out best when it's someone you already know and have established a friendship/relationship with. No matter what situation you choose for your swinging you will get out of it what everyone puts in, so you have to make sure that EVERYONE involved is clear on what is going on and what is expected.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Another thing to consider is that this isn't always about couples seeking couples.. what swinging is about is about couples fulfilling fantasies together and how common is the fantasy of a guy with 2 girls? I don't know many guys who don't have that fantasy. So quite often that's what it's about not just about finding a single female for the female to play with but about finding a single female that they can share as a couple without having to have another guy involved. It isn't always just the guy wanting to have 2 women for himself.

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

I agree with Julie, swinging isn't just about "couples seeking couples". It's about sharing your fantasies & sexual desires with your partner! No matter what your choices are in swinging "combos", may it be 3somes/4somes/Moresomes, FMF or MFM, etc. Why would it bother you, whatever the choices are of others? Like Julie says, if they're not for you, then let them know, and move on with your search! It's THAT simple. I would hate to "miss out on other opportunities", such as making good friends, which is much more important to me. Again, it's MY/OUR choice, and NO one can make our choices for us, THAT'S for sure! *VBS*

 

There's no wrong or right, as long as it's exceptable and agreeable between ALL involved, in what you're looking for in swinging partners. Again, to each's own.

 

Have FUN & ENJOY! ;-)

 

 

Wife of CyberMWCouple

[LIZA 20]

No I agree......it is FAR from all couples seeking couples! From my experience, it is mostly couples seeking single women and single (or married) men seeking ANYTHING!

 

But then there are those that are just right, too

[watcherone 15]

We are not into single females but one thing I do know something on,single males in the lifestyle. It is our feeling that none of the men we have played with are affraid of having sex with another man present. Myself, I get off better with another male present. The other men have never had a problem with me being there either.

[LIZA 20]

I have talked to a lot of couples where the woman and I hit it off but the husband does not want any other man around........Of course these are novice couples answering ads, I don't think you will find expereinced swingers at a club with the same issues. A lot of "curious" couples seem to be out there thinking they will find a lot of single women to fulfill the 3-some fantasy.

 

I don't think my husband MINDS another man, he isn't one of those guys who is into seeing me have sex with other men, but seems totally ok with another man there......I am just waiting for the day he loosens up and try a little guy-guy fun

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by LIZA:

I don't think you will find expereinced swingers at a club with the same issues.

 

Have you ever been to an on-premise swinger club?

Things are very different when you haven't had the opportunity to pick the people in the room with you. Also, soft swinging does make a difference as well. There is no chance of contact or of worry about the guy pleasing your wife better than you do, because rules have already been set against that.

 

This is an issue I've seen everywhere. They may not say they mind, but actions speak louder than words. I've seen it in many instances. A lot of guys don't even realize they will have a hard time with having other guys around until they are in that situation.

 

I've seen it at swinger clubs and I've seen it with gangbangs. We set one up for me as a birthday present. The guys all THOUGHT they'd be fine but yet they get in the situation and it's another story. 2 of the 5 could barely get it up at all.

 

I don't think it has a lot to do with being insecure even. I think it's just one of those things. Luckily, my hubby has no problem with other guys in the room, not sure what would happen if one of those guys tried something on him.. that might change things a little...lol.

 

Liza, I think you make too many assumptions based on the limited experience you have had. There are many situations that are very hard to predict until you are in those situations.

[LIZA 20]

Yes, we have been going to On-premise clubs for 3 years (Freedom Acres, Four Palms, Veronica's) all in Southern California. Have also met couples online in private.

 

So I am not just blindly making assumptions! My personal experience is there are a LOT of couples with the unrealistic experience that they will find single bi females.......a LOT of single or cheating men with the unrealistic assumption they will find lots of willing couples/females. In MOST cases these people have very dissapointing results. We have always sought out only couples, so these are not issues for us.

 

I would never DREAM of partipating in a gangbang or any situation where men were expected to have sex with me one after another...........I can understand where THAT would create some performance anxiety!

 

When I talk of men being uncomfortable around other men, I was speaking more of them being a bit homophobic. And when couples have progressed beyond the curious stage and are attending clubs, the men SHOULD have gotten past that, I would hope!

 

 

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

A few observations.

 

Originally posted by LIZA:

I don't think my husband MINDS another man, he isn't one of those guys who is into seeing me have sex with other men, but seems totally ok with another man there......I am just waiting for the day he loosens up and try a little guy-guy fun

 

Ok. What if he NEVER loosens up and tries a little guy-guy fun? Will you love him any less? Maybe he's waiting for you to loosen up to try penetration with another man? Something to think about? Or maybe it NEVER occured to him.....

 

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:

The guys all THOUGHT they'd be fine but yet they get in the situation and it's another story. 2 of the 5 could barely get it up at all.

 

Wow. As bad as that sounds, it sounds about right to me. From my own experience of myself and others, I have to say that experience does overcome 99% of that. It's usually just that there is suddenly so much of everything sexual in front of you, that you just have to relax and let it soak in for a moment. It's pretty common and it's really no big deal. Usually you just have to lay back and get your mind on something else. Before you know it, it's back and ready to play.

 

Originally posted by LIZA:

My personal experience is there are a LOT of couples with the unrealistic experience that they will find single bi females.......a LOT of single or cheating men with the unrealistic assumption they will find lots of willing couples/females. In MOST cases these people have very dissapointing results. We have always sought out only couples, so these are not issues for us.

 

Ok, so maybe that's the way you see it. I'm not you and I don't see it the same way. I choose to see it rather that, We are so picky, that the ones that you are complaining about, we weed out anyway. Just as we did when we decided on who to marry.

 

Originally posted by LIZA:

I would never DREAM of partipating in a gangbang or any situation where men were expected to have sex with me one after another...........I can understand where THAT would create some performance anxiety!

 

Ok, with all of your experience in visiting clubs and of meeting couples and others, right here, you mark yourself as still being relatively innocent to the deeper aspects of swinging. That's fine. That's why it's called Soft-Swinging. *Smiles* Not everyone wants to get that deep into things. Some of us do, and we hold many different and some wholly different understandings of this than you do.

 

That's cool. That's why Julie created this website. A central location for us all to learn from each other.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by LIZA:

I would never DREAM of partipating in a gangbang or any situation where men were expected to have sex with me one after another...........I can understand where THAT would create some performance anxiety!

 

 

I was using the GB scenerio as only an example. I have seen men experience performance anxiety in all types of situations, both with experienced couples and newer couples, in groups as well as just with two couples in the room.

 

The one thing I have found that seems to help in many cases is getting to know the people you are with so that you are more comfortable with them. Yes, in many cases I do think it is that some of the guys are a bit homophobic and to be honest I think that is what the problem was in my GB scenerio.

 

As for the situations I would dream of and the situations you would dream of they are obviously different but it seems to me that you are judging other swingers on the concept that their attitudes towards swinging and what it does/can entail is different from yours.

 

It's not that there aren't a lot of couples seeking females or even males trying to get into the lifestyle. Personally, I have not problem with anyone seeking whatever they want to fulfill their fantasies and others as long as they are in it for the right reasons.

And no, a guy trying to get into the lifestyle just cuz he thinks he'll get an easy lay is not the right reasons.

 

But tell me? What is wrong with a couple/ female seeking another female to fulfill her husbands FMF threesome fantasy? And why do you assume that it's just because he wants to see the 2 girls together?

 

I think to be in this lifestyle you have to have an open mind and see that there are many sides to everything. Swinging is what you make of it and what you want it to be.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:

A few observations:

 

Wow. As bad as that sounds, it sounds about right to me. From my own experience of myself and others, I have to say that experience does overcome 99% of that.

 

That's the main point I was trying to make.. I think I picked a bad example tho. But mainly that performance anxiety is normal especially in situations where the guys don't know who they are with very well or what to expect.. but that the main cause is not necessarily homophobia (although that may be part of it at times.

 

Not everyone wants to get that deep into things. Some of us do, and we hold many different and some wholly different understandings of this than you do. That's cool. That's why Julie created this website. A central location for us all to learn from each other.

 

Which all goes back to a saying we've seen on this board so many times.. different strokes for different folks.

 

Thanks Cyber!

 

[LIZA 20]

No, I am not judging you, merely stating my opinion. I would not want a gangbang, to me that's a total turn off. I WOULD like to see my husband try bi......will he? Maybe, he is a pretty uninhibited guy. I could see it happening in the right situation, but if not......No big deal. Unlike a lot of men who I talk to who push their wives to try Bi even if the wife is completely straight and disinterested.

 

As far as my being innocent..........I guess if you consider me innocent for not wanting to take unneccessary risks to engage in an activity that has always left me tepid anyway.....maybe I am "innocent" or maybe I am just wide enough to know what I enjoy and not feel like I have to give up every part of me in order to be accepted!

 

Like you said, different strokes.........but when I state MY boundaries, people don't seem to accepting, I get called a princess or a prude

[watcherone 15]

I can relate to what Liza is saying. I had always wanted to watch my wife with another man but I have no desire to be with another woman. Its not a matter of my wife or I wanting to be accepted by anyone though. It is about what we both enjoy and about having such a close relationship that allows us to be what we are. It would be terrible if we both wanted to do something but were unable to talk about it with each other. We are completely honest with our feelings and it has made us stronger.

It still bothers me that most men may have a problem performing with other men around. That is what gets me going, knowing another man is satisfying my wife while I watch or join in.

[LIZA 20]

MOST of you (other active posters) seem to be into very DIFFERENT things that what I find typical in my expereince, obviously if you are into gang bangs, you have a place in your life for single men! For me, there is nothing they can really do except maybe watch, that might be hot, and then maybe in the heat of the moment he would slip up behind my husband and reach down and cup his balls as I was giving him head, then we would seamlessly swith places, so my husbands cock was in his mouth and I was licking and biting his nipples..........and then............

 

 

Hahahaa! I can dream!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I think that when it comes down to it everyone in the lifestyle is into different things and has different guidelines set for themselves. We each enjoy different things and have different fantasies. Swinging is about sharing your fantasies with your mate and making them come true.

 

Whether your fantasy is to have sex with your partner while someone else watches or to have a gangbang with 15 guys, that's your fantasy. We each have our own experience of swinging based on those fantasies.

[Guest CyberMWCouple]

Like hubby said, the world would be a boring place to live in, if we'd all be alike and have the same interests, etc.! Where's the fun in that?! *Rolling eyes lol*

 

 

Wife of CyberMWCouple

[CuriousCouple 15]

Well,

 

I would say that the whole issue has to do with why many people get started on this path, not necessarily homophobia at all.

 

Our case... My wife is bi, has been forever, but has never had a bi experience. She is VERY curious about it, and I would love to fulfill that fantasy for her. She also doesn't want to do anything without me... so, the best answer was a FMF 3some. So, we had the M, and one of the F's, where to find the other F? None of the people we knew or were friends with would do... we absolutely didn't want to resort to a prostitute... we tried everything the internet had to offer, couldn't come up with anything. That's when we stumbled across the whole concept of swinging... we realized this was probably the one way to get the fantasy fulfilled. It came with its own problems tho... while we now knew how to get that extra F, an extra M came along with it. I had no interest in seeing another guy have sex with my wife, nor did she have an interest in doing it. The more we've looked into it, tho, the more it's becoming obvious that there's no real choice there... that's the way it'll have to be. SO, that's where we're at right now... currently we're still in the 'thinking about it' stage... we think we will probably act on it in 3 to 4 months. Or not. Maybe. It seems there's a LOT of landmines in this lifestyle... both health issues and our personal relationship issues, and we're gonna have to do a LOT of talking to iron all that out.

 

We're going to try to approach this (if we ultimately do it) as actually getting into the swinging lifestyle, not as just as a vehicle for getting what we want out of it, which means we really couldn't expect for someone to go off with us without their partner... I wouldn't want my wife doing that after all...

 

BUT, on the other hand...

 

If some single or married but willing to play separately girl would come forward to let us fulfill our fantasies without all the complicating issues, we would LOVE that

 

So ... that's one couple's viewpoint on why single girls are in such demand... nothing to do with homophobia, it has everything to do with why we get involved in the first place and what fantasies we want to have fulfilled.

[MiCpl 55]

For us it is totally about fulfilling fantasies. We've had many encounters with single guys and we love it. We would love to have some fun with a single girl and the two of us. Why can't it go both ways? Unfortunately, the single females are hard to find. At the same time we are open to couples and to single males, we don't close off any avenues of fun. But we don't go asking couples to send over their female half and leave the man at home either. We find it rude when couples ask that of us and wouldn't think to ask another couple to split up just so we can have our fantasy.

 

S&J

[mchcpl 15]

I am sick of paying for these swinging sites to try to find a single female for us, only to have nobody respond. I do not understand why they claim to want to please couples and then they do not respond when you email them. Someone please help us!!!!

[BradAndJanet 70]

I sympathize with your plight, mchcpl. It's my opinion that most (90%+) of these ads for 'single females' are fakes placed by jokers who just want to see what kind of a rise they can get out of people. Single bi-females are in high demand, can generally write their own tickets and probably have no need to place ads. You might have better luck attending a club, but even still, those highly desirable women will be hard to find. Sorry I can't be of more help, but that's the way it is.

 

-B

[ALilOEverything 901]

I think there is no way a single female could keep up with all the email they receive from couples. There are probably at least a 100 couples from all over trying to capture her interest making it difficult for a couple to stand out. Make sure you stand out, send the very best picture. Let her know you're interested in her pleasure too and that it's not only about you. Make your email warm, inviting, show you're intelligent and good hearted. Let her know you want to share and learn about some of her fantasies too.

[BradAndJanet 70]

Lilo makes a good point and perhaps I shouldn't say that 90% are fakes. We've just never had any luck with ad sites and it colors my opinion. I would hope that they'd at least send a "Thanks, but no thanks" back to you in any case. Not doing that seems rude to me.

 

-B

[ItTakes3 19]

Sorry to follow up the bad news that there is no Easter Bunny, but there is no such thing as a single female looking for a couple. We finally found two, but it took years and they didn't come from pay swinger sites.

[Spoomonkey 421]

there is no such thing as a single female looking for a couple. We finally found two...

 

So - which is it?

 

Are there or aren't there?

 

Single females do exist, but persistence and patience is the key. In swinging, single men are the easiest to find, followed by couples, followed distantly ny single females. They are out there, but if you get frustrated easily, you will likely never find one.

 

Spoomonkey

[driveajeepnaked 26]

When we originally joined SLS, we were looking for only a single female. I am bi and Mr Jrrp was brand new in the lifestyle, so that was a good starting point.

 

It took about 2 months of chatting with many couples and single females, but in 7 months we have been with 4 single females - age 20-35,,, and I am 43 and Mr Jeep is 37, so we are not young swingers...

 

We have had a great time pleasuring these women, and I think that is the key to a single female- don't let them feel that they are there for your pleasures alone - make it known that you want them!!

 

V&B

[ItTakes3 19]

So - which is it?

 

Are there or aren't there?

 

 

There are none looking...it takes a tremendous sales pitch to convince those that aren't looking to think they are looking.

[Dynamar 246]

Sorry to follow up the bad news that there is no Easter Bunny, but there is no such thing as a single female looking for a couple. We finally found two, but it took years and they didn't come from pay swinger sites.

Ummm... hello, hello... is this thing on? Surrender

 

I'm a single bi-female (and great friends with the Easter Bunny, btw) who entered the lifestyle specifically to meet couples. If and when you find a single bi-fem you like, by all means be politely persistent in your efforts to meet her, and as others have advised make her feel through your communication that both of you would very much like to meet her. After you meet, if things go well, definitely let her know that you, separately and together, are interested in her and her pleasure, as well as your own.

 

In the past four months, despite virtual armloads of couples mail from both SLS and swappernet, and dozens of "first chats"... I've been asked out for a total of three first dates. The first couple I met, I decided not to play with. The second I see on an ongoing basis, and the three of us get along great on all sides of the "triangle", if you will. The third is a great couple... a great team, that I hope to get to know much better, although they live aways from me, and distance is always an issue.

 

Not gonna get on my soapbox again... but it sure seems there are lots of couples who can't get their stuff together enough to follow through. Let's face it... a single bi-fem can easily become a couple's swinging "training wheels" unless they make the experience otherwise for her.

[ItTakes3 19]

I guess my sense of humor is too warped to be recognized or appreciated, but I would compare finding a real, live bifem to the recent rediscovery of the Ivory-billed Woodpecker.

[BradAndJanet 70]

... In the past four months, despite virtual armloads of couples mail from both SLS and swappernet, and dozens of "first chats"... I've been asked out for a total of three first dates. ...

Out of curiosity, did you take the time to respond, even if it was in the negative, to all genuine sounding inquires? I think the OP was more concerned about that than the actual availability of single females.

 

-B

[Dynamar 246]

Out of curiosity, did you take the time to respond, even if it was in the negative, to all genuine sounding inquires? I think the OP was more concerned about that than the actual availability of single females.

 

-B

Good question, Brad. And the answer is a hearty "most definitely". I always reply to all mail. Although I'd estimate only about 25%, or perhaps even less (haven't exactly done the math), gets rejected out of hand.

[WesternSwing 504]

I am sick of paying for these swinging sites to try to find a single female for us, only to have nobody respond. I do not understand why they claim to want to please couples and then they do not respond when you email them. Someone please help us!!!!

IMO, they're horney guys using the single female angle to browse the sites and look at the pictures. Many of the profiles of single women have pics I know are not real pics of them. Most don't have any of the profile questions filled-out. Many of those that do Mrs. WS looks at and says "there's no way a woman would ever say that, this is a guy writing." I think very few of the single females on sites are real. The only single female we have hooked-up with was by chance and it was not through a site. And we hope to see her real soon again, she emailed Mrs. WS a couple of weeks ago about getting together.

 

Mr. WS

[ckd539 15]

A single male here:

I have chatted with a few single bi-females in my area and actually met three of them. Played with one, scheduled to "meet" the second privately next week. Did not click at all with the third but we had a nice meal. To me it's the same as meeting people any other way, express an interest in the _person_ if you have an interest, don't be pushy, be polite, and don't "expect" anything. I "hope" to meet more females (and couples too), seems like we would all like to..... Maybe I am too patient

[Joelgn 15]

Why is it so difficult?

 

Perhaps, just perhaps, it is time to question a basic assumptions... The first one being that a single girl would feel comfortable even thinking about meeting strangers in a potentially sexual situation. The risks for her can be enormous! Her head is in a different place. Single women are mostly going to be concerned about things you, by the nature of your being a tested couple, don't have to think much of... like emotional security, discression and her fear of social repercussions if outed, what her mom would say, her potentially negative impact on your relationship if one of you "likes her more", and if you are going to still want her after. Getting her to transcend these big hurdles IS difficult, as it probably SHOULD be.

 

IMO, a reason there are so few available single women looking for couples is because there are few couples willing to make the large time investment to building a secure relationship first. Those that do, immediately remove the few available single bi women from the market.

 

Having said that, I know of at least a handful of single attractive women who currently are looking for swinger boyfriends, but who would be VERY succeptable to a seduction by a couple that were already compatible, emotionally supportive friends.

 

So... why not just scoop up the single women you know into your activity circle, persistantly do real stuff together, and once freinds you can discretely let them know how hot you both think they are. It takes time to develop trusting friendships and then add a sexual dimension, but in the end the right woman for you will find that irresistable.

 

..just one opinion, wishing you good luck in your journey!

 

joel

[Mike and Jan 20]

OK, my wife isn't bi and we never looked for a single female. But, couldn't two couples who are looking primarily for a single female get together? Hey guys, take turns. Both couples could find what they're wanting in a very safe manner and the couples might even become friends and have other experiences as well.

Just a thought.

Rich

[BradAndJanet 70]

... But, couldn't two couples who are looking primarily for a single female get together? ...

Absolutely Rich, I think it happens all the time, from what I've heard. Maybe some folks could relate their experiences with trying that...

 

-B

[Alura 2,775]

We once knew a couple who were looking for a single bi woman. The wife had never even kissed a girl, but knew she was bi because she'd had fantasies her whole life.

 

The husband was open to a FFM, with him involved, but was absolutely not about to allow another man to be in the room, much less to participate. He did not want another man to touch his wife, but would not consider her being with another woman unless he could have sex with the lady, too.

 

I suggested they find a similar couple (not us) where the wives could play while the husbands watched and perhaps have sex with their own wives after the ladies finished playing with each other. He would have none of it.

 

It's normal to close and lock some doors; that's what "limits" are all about. But if you close and lock all doors, nothing is likely to happen.

 

Mr. Alura

[Chip_n_Muffy 16]

It's normal to close and lock some doors; that's what "limits" are all about. But if you close and lock all doors, nothing is likely to happen.

 

Mr. Alura

 

 

 

I am just a newbie here, and new to swinging, but.......... I read the forums and all of the swingers talking about boundries, limits, expectations, requirements, etc. Hell, swinging has more rules than marriage! No wonder nothing seems to get done. I thought swinging was about throwing the rules of the vanilla world over the side, but if you substitute a new set of rules, have you gained that much? Especially if everyone has his own set of rules, with nothing standardized in the lifestyle. At least the rules of the vanilla world are universally known and accepted. This could get confusing. But I'm just a newbie, so what do I know?

[Spoomonkey 421]

But I'm just a newbie, so what do I know?

 

It's a good question, but what Alura is referring to is the comfort zone of couples. My wife and I play only together. She played with a couple without me once (as part of the other husband's MFF fantasy) but it just wasn't for us. It just didn't work for us.

 

Is it out of the question for the future? Never say never - but really it isn't something we are going to look for or advertise. If it ever did happen again, it would be with people with whom we were very comfortable with.

 

The hardest part of getting into the lifestyle is drawing a line in the sand between fantasy and "doable". The couple that goes in without rules (which could be reworded as "agreements" or an "understanding") does so at their own risk. Know thyself... That is a very important part of being open enough to swing in the first place - and a great place to start when putting together an idea of what your boundaries (which will change with experience) will look like.

 

The couple Alura is talking about - and I believe his point - is one that has probably "priced themselves out of the market" so to speak. Their expectations were unreasonable - and while they may very well eventually experience what they are looking for, their dance card will probably stay pretty empty for the most part.

 

For us - this is all about making friends - and then allowing the "combinations" to happen as they will. And we've had some really great combinations

 

Spoomonkey

[Alura 2,775]

Spoomonkey wrote:

 

The couple Alura is talking about - and I believe his point - is one that has probably "priced themselves out of the market" so to speak. Their expectations were unreasonable - and while they may very well eventually experience what they are looking for, their dance card will probably stay pretty empty for the most part.

 

Well written, Spoo! It often surprises me how you can say things better than I do and use fewer (a lot fewer!) words in the process. Right you are!

 

Mr. Alura

[Alura 2,775]

Chip n Muffy wrote:

 

Hell, swinging has more rules than marriage!

 

Yes, it does, Chip n Muffy. It needs to. Swinging is a lot more complicated. At least they are a couple's own rules, not somebody else's.

 

Mr. Alura

[starlinn 17]

IMO, they're horney guys using the single female angle to browse the sites and look at the pictures.

Mr. WS

 

This has actually happened to us! I met a single bi online, chatted alot, exchanged pictures, wonderful gal. What sent off the red flag, was something that my husband caught. One picture she send was of her and her car. She was supposed to be from Chicago, but her license plate said California. Next time we chatted, I asked her to call me and gave my number. She hesitated, and gave some lame excuse for not calling. This told me that "She" was probably a "He" Boy was my face red!

[WesternSwing 504]

OK, my wife isn't bi and we never looked for a single female. But, couldn't two couples who are looking primarily for a single female get together? Hey guys, take turns. Both couples could find what they're wanting in a very safe manner and the couples might even become friends and have other experiences as well.

Just a thought.

Rich

You know, we've tried that... and it never works. Someone can't just watch, they always end-up joining in.

 

Mr. WS

[EternallySingle 32]

I know of three single bi females on SLS. One I met by chance in the mall in Grand Rapids and She aksed me why I let my account expire without writing her. Another I chatted with for two months, but our work schedules didn't allow us to meet until I quit my job. When I told her that she said that was rather extreme just to learn we weren't compatible. The third was a woman I dated off and on for three months...until she saw my profile online. Then she freaked.

 

My conclusion is that the few REAL single females online have a harder time finding people than single men do. Single men have to jump through flaming hoops covered in gasoline in order to be noticed, then taken seriously, and maybe possibly meeting someone. Single women probably have better luck printing all their emails, closing their eyes, tossing them into the air, and responding to the one that lands closest to their feet when they want to find quality partners from everyone that responds to their ad.

[JnCC 24]

I am sick of paying for these swinging sites to try to find a single female for us, only to have nobody respond. I do not understand why they claim to want to please couples and then they do not respond when you email them

Most of them are phonies, especially the "younger, more attractive" ones. As a rule of thumb, if the pics posted by a "single bisexual female" make you wonder why she would need to run an ad on the internet to find sex partners, there's a pretty good chance "she's" a fake. Usually, it's a guy who collects pics and lives the swinging life vicariously through his online alter-ego, the "Single Bisexual female"

 

Another thing I've run into on adult matchmaker services is women who've misstated certain facts on their profiles...facts that they hoped to correct before they were confronted with a response. For example, I've known women to post pics of themselves that are many years or more than a few pounds out-of-date, hoping that Jenny Craig or Dr. Atkins will get them back down "fighting weight" before somebody actually asks to meet her in person. Sometimes, they'd rather decline a meeting altogether, than to face rejection and/or humiliation after a face-to-face meeting. Men don't seem to have that problem...maybe it's because we're hard-wired to accept rejection?

 

Marital status is another thing that pops up from time to time. I've met women who placed their ads in anticipation of a change in their relationship status, or after a fight with their boyfriends. Then they have second thoughts about seperating, or they kiss and make-up, but they leave their ad intact, perhaps in case "Plan A" doesn't work out. Either way, the ad is an artifact of how they were feeling at the time they placed it, and doesn't really apply anymore.

My conclusion is that the few REAL single females online have a harder time finding people than single men do.

"Harder for single females?" I guess neither of us will ever know. But harder than most people, especially single males, think it would be? Yea, I could buy into that. I know that the idea of a "single bi-female" is a great fantasy for a lot of couples, but I don't think it's all that appealing for very many females, bisexual or otherwise. If it were, there'd be a lot more of them in the clubs and online.

 

Hell, knowing how hard it is for a woman to go to a wedding, a company picnic, or a nightclub by themselves, why would it surprise anybody that we don't see more of them in swing clubs or on adult websites?