If They Only Knew

[EvilMJ 65]

Okay, so lately Hubby and I have been having a lot of they "if they only knew moments". I thought maybe we could all share, 'cause they are pretty funny.

 

Our neighbours are talking about getting a hot tub, during the conversation the wife looks at my hubby and says "your wife goes out on Friday nights, my husband works, you and I could go in the hot tub together." Yeah, I wonder if she would say that if she had any idea what hubby was capable of

 

Then at work my husband and one of his co workers were talking about a guy who had an affair with the wife of another guy he works with. Well he looks at my hubby and asked all upset "...would you really want to see your wife having sex with another man?" He said had to pause for a minute and think about what to say. I thought he should have told him he likes to try and do it as much as possible, but ah well, I have to work with that guy to

 

I have a few more, but not enough space...

 

It's so hard to keep a straight face when stuff like this happens, but is sure is fun to call up your other half and tell them about it so you can both have a good giggle.

 

So anyone else having some fun with this?

[CB_n_Red 16]

We seem to have moments like that on a regular basis, particularly in the pub. All complicted by the fact that two vanilla friends of ours (not a couple) do know what we get up to. We had a real "cough, splutter" moment a few weeks back when one of those friends (in front of half the clientel) referred to my bevy of female followers. There does seem to be a certain amount of wind-up going on

 

And then again we were outed by our daughter recently - she guessed, asked us straight out whether we were swingers, and got the honest answer that she might have preferred not to get. Seems she had been putting two and two together for some time. At least she is being accepting and non-judgemental about it. I'd better add that she is an adult, not some precocious toddler!

 

CB

[jennandjamesinm 87]

My Mother got me on this one....we were getting ready to go out overnight, to a social and then we got a room so we didn't have to make the long drive home. My mother loks at me and says "Are you and James doing something kinky?" LOL - I almost burst out laughing - and changes the subject. Needless to say - I think Mom knows.....

 

Jenn

[BradAndJanet 70]

My boss thinks Janet is pretty cool because last year when a bunch of us guys from work ended up at a strip club after a night of drinking, she was the only wife who didn't raise a fuss about it. He's got NO idea how cool she really is!

 

-B

[NaughtyKitten 16]

I've had so many of those moments recently. The one that come to mind right now is about my stage manager at the theater. She has a boyfriend but is drooling over a single guy in our cast. I keep thinking......if she only knew that she could probably have both of them!!! I totally agree with her assessment of him and I would love to have him, too. He's simply delicious. facelick

 

Maybe after the show is over........cast party could be a fun time!

 

Oh, and btw, thank you MJ for posting this thread. It's going to be a lot of fun reading the stories. I'll post more if I think of them.

[NtyKittensMan 16]

The best one I've had recently is. Listening to the guys in our breakroom at lunch talking about how little there wives give them at home. I sit there with a big smile on my face...(thinking to myself "I don't have that problem...lol).

[confunktion 20]

Oh, NaughtyKitten, the cast party memories...all the debauchery...I can't wait for my next show!

 

The "if they only knew" moments are always good for a laugh. One time (not at band camp), me and the Mrs. were hanging at a cast party after the final show. The alcohol was running wild (as it usually does), and all were in a funky good place. Lots of dancing that became more like grinding as the night went on. Anyway, the Mrs. was on the floor, being all sultry and sexy. She made the men drool and me very proud. One of the guys turned to me in a bit of a haze and said "I hate you. Didn't your mom teach you to share?" My lip hurt from biting it. I finally spoke, making a nice comment about his fiancee at the time. He replied with a "Uh-huh", never taking his eyes off of my prize.

 

I told my lovely this little story later on, and she laughed, but there was a telling little gleam in her eye. Over the next few months, we gingerly gauged their interest in "getting together" - he was game, but she was not interested. So we went on our merry way and never looked back.

 

The moral of the story? Get into theater, at least just for the cast parties.

 

Mr. Funk

Bring in the noise, bring out the funk!

[Mike and Jan 20]

Just yesterday a woman I work with was talking about a couple who are open about 'swinging' at the VFW club that she performs karaoke at.

 

Now this VFW is located in the same little town where we keep our boat on the St. John's River and it was all I could do to keep from asking who they were.

 

It's even tempting to stop in and see her show one night just to meet them. But, she'd figure it out and a co-woker knowing my personal life is just too close-to-home!

 

Sure do wonder who this couple, and their friends, are though.

Rich

[Sunswept 161]

LOL! Great thread!

 

My SO and A, a gal we were in a sort of long term MFF with, decided to haul me to the mall and do a "make over" on me...gads!

 

We were at Nordstroms, and they were hauling me from dept to dept with armloads of prospective new threads, making a big fuss. They were both drop dead sexy georgious and having blast, being a bit vocally enthusiastic, eyebrows were being raised when we all went into the fitting rooms, leaving big piles of "rejects" laying around as we went, etc. BTW, I do recommend this, its a kick.

 

In the shoe dept they were making the poor cleak haul out almost every shoe they had in stock, they were getting totally into it and were also all over me as the boxes piled up, he is looking at me with this "WTF??" expression, it was crazy. We were there more than 4 hours...

 

Then at the cologne counter my SO was on one arm, and A was on the other, they were both trying little spritzes of everything on me, and sniffing up and down every square inch of my arms and neck, getting in a few little pecks for good measure. This older mirthful lady at the counter was watching all this with the most bemused and wide-eyed expression.

 

My SO spotted a purse in the isle behind us, and called A over to check it out as I obediantly finished buying the scents they had both selected... and the counter lady leans over and whispers to me, "Honey, whats the deal, are they BOTH ... um... with you??" I tried to keep a straght face, told her A was my SO's sister. She stepped back and burst out laughing with this "yeah, right" grin on her face.

 

Busted!

[NaughtyKitten 16]

Oh, NaughtyKitten, the cast party memories...all the debauchery...I can't wait for my next show!

 

The moral of the story? Get into theater, at least just for the cast parties.

 

Mr. Funk

Bring in the noise, bring out the funk!

Love that story! If ya can't hang out with swingers, theater people are the next best thing!

 

Right now there is a guy in my cast that I have some serious sexual tension with. He ID'd us as swingers after rehearsal one day at a bar. We had some of our swinger friends with us but we were being very vanilla until we started talking about vacations. They mentioned going to Hedo and he got a big smile on his face. He said, "Soooooo, you're swingers, I knew it." Then he pointed at us and said, "That means you're swingers too!" He proceeded to tell us he was a swinger with his ex-wife but his current wife is not into it. So my secret is out with him. I told him the next day, "I have 3 words for you: mutually assured destruction, keep your mouth shut." Every since that night, whenever there is a sexual overtone to the lines in the play or to conversation we are having with the other two people at rehearsal we just look at each other and laugh. It's our little shared secret. If they only knew!

 

confunktion - Love to meet other theater people! Thanks for the cast party story. kindred spirits

[intuition897 2,179]

I told him the next day, "I have 3 words for you: mutually assured destruction, keep your mouth shut." Every since that night, whenever there is a sexual overtone to the lines in the play or to conversation we are having with the other two people at rehearsal we just look at each other and laugh. It's our little shared secret. If they only knew!

 

This is about the only type of if-they-only-knew story that I can think of off-hand. Mr. is a hunter, and deer season is a family reunion of sorts where extended family all get together to do some 'male bonding' and help clean the deer. :rollseyes Anyway, part of this male bonding ritual is the usual poker playing, porn watching, and dirty story telling. Poor Mr. has plenty of deliciously dirty stories to tell to, what I'm sure would be, a rapt audience of envious guys.

 

It wasn't long before one deer season that we'd actually experienced our first full swap and I think Mr. intuition was just busting to tell somebody. He has a cousin who is a few years older but they've always been good friends. Mr. always said that they were a volatile mix, and whenever they got together at the hunt camp, one was always egging the other on to get into some sort of trouble or another. And of course one had to top the other's latest stunt. I think Mr. intuition finally got the upper hand, however. Mr. couldn't take it anymore. He had mentioned that he and I had gone to Toronto to a club up there. His cousin asked for details, and Mr. informed him that it was a private club, you needed a membership. When he explained further, D (his cousin) gave him a dirty look and called him a lucky SOB; he'd always wanted to go to a sex club, but his wife would never go for it!

 

I guess in some ways they'd be pretty good candidates for getting into the lifestyle. He and his wife are both attractive, love each other and are very close. But D didn't quite understand that you don't do it just so that you can screw other people. You do it because you're ready to add on to an already great sex life. Anyway, ever since then when the guys are all sitting around talking sex and women, and someone says, "Can you imagine what it would be like getting a blow job from two women at once?", Mr. only laughs and says to D, "Yeah can you imagine that?"

[ALilOEverything 901]

Great thread!

 

My co-workers were gossiping about another co-worker and one of them looked right at me to give me the shocking news "and they're swingers!". He told me intentionally to see the shocked look on my face... I did look shocked, very... not because of what he told me but because he was disclosing her secret. I had bumped into her on SLS so I knew all about it already...

 

if only he knew...

[twoplayful2 16]

Great stuff! And some seem a bit familiar also lol.

 

We've got two other couples we're very good friends with. One knows we're swingers, the other does not. The couple that doesn't know has had a couple parties since we've known them and things (including them) seem to get pretty wild (for a vanilla party lol). So even though my wife and I were probably the wildest people there they now have the reputation of being swingers. So many times we're all together and that couple is commenting on how other people think they're swingers! If they only knew lol. And I'm sure the other couple that does know we're swingers is thinking the same thing lol.

 

On a sidenote, this couple is fairly wild and sexually outgoing, we just might very well be on the flip side of that "if they only knew"

[confunktion 20]

confunktion - Love to meet other theater people! Thanks for the cast party story. kindred spirits

Same here - it's nice to know that there are others out there who can't get enough of "treading the boards". It's a total rush, then the letdown of closing night, then the bordering-on-obsession phase of finding the next show. I wouldn't give it up for the world.

 

Did I mention the cast parties?

 

I'll talk theater with ya anytime, NaughtyKitten!

 

Mr. Funk

Feeling the need for the heat of the footlights again.

[Mork&Mindy 15]

Mindy and I have had many "If they only knew" experiences! We are new to the swinging and being open about it thing. So hopefully, soon we will be able to share our stories with everyone…

[djjwp 129]

While playing poker with my buddies, talk had turned to vacations and sex. Every one of the other guys was complaining about not getting any and bragged about the great vanilla resorts they had been to. I just sat there and smiled. Their faces turned contorted when it was obvious I was not complaining about sex and all eyes ended up on me. I almost said something when my one buddy blurted out that he knew my wife takes good care of me and that we had been to Hedo twice. I just sat their and smiled and raised. Now all the guys that were telling of their great beach vacations with the family now wanted to know about Hedo. I let them in on the nude beaches and raised the pot again. When they asked what happens there, I told them they would have to go find out them self and laid down my flush and took their money.

 

The same guy and his wife took us out drinking on another night. My wife hit the sack as soon as we came back. My buddy grabbed more beer and his wife, feeling no pain, started talking about wishing she had done more playing before they settled down. I just grinned and looked forward to corrupting her. (He is well on the way).

[DBL D 120]

At my work, there's a guy who always talks about "meetin' out by the swings".

 

Someone once replied (we all have two-way radios) that that would make him a SWINGER!

 

He said that he wasn't a swinger...that's for sure.

 

I always refrain from getting into those discussions-but there is one guy on the crew who knows about us, and used to swing in the old days, so he knows all about the lifestyle. We both laugh about it to ourselves. If They Only Knew!

 

M. D.

[Ssugarlips 16]

One of my single girlfriends knows about our open marriage. She has a fun/varied sex life herself and is very open minded. We're friends with her mother as well. One day her mother asked our friend some questions about us:

 

They're kind of kinky aren't they? (I provided mom with some info on cock rings - she asked, I answered)

 

My friend said yes, we were a little kinky. Her mom thought for a few minutes and then asked the next question:

 

Do you think they swap?

My friend said she almost spit out her drink while trying not to choke. Thankfully, her phone rang and she was saved from having to answer.

 

When she told me about the conversation, I said I told her I trusted her mother's discretion. She said she doesn't like to lie to her mother, but didn't really want to answer the question. If the subject comes up again, I said to tell her that we'd never propositioned her so she could only guess at our kinkiness.

 

If her mother ever has a little too much to drink and she's alone with us and her daughter, she might get brave enough to ask us directly. We'll tell the truth...because my husband would love to play with her mom (she's a good-looking widow only a couple of years older than my husband.)

[wtxcpl 16]

Last night my wife and I were at my parent’s house for dinner. The TV always seems to be on at their house, so during a lull in conversation at the dinner table we were listening to "The Family Feud".

Growing up, my Dad and I would make snide comments about whatever was on the tube, drove Mom crazy but she's used to it now.

The host of the game show was asking questions to the contestants and as usual Dad and I were blurting out our silly answers (acting like the contestants) when the host asked "what is the one thing that your friends ask you that drives you crazy?" I said "They keep turning me down when I ask them to swing!"

The room exploded in laughter, but the look on my wife’s face was one of "I can't believe you said that!" which was worth more than the prize given away on that game show.

 

Guess ya had to be there.

[CuriousInOregon 16]

Just Recently we had one of those moments.... Hubby and I were away on our 5 yr anniversary get away which also happened to be Fathersday weekend so we were going to get together with his father the next day for Breakfast, No big deal Except he wanted to know what we had done the night before I said we had went to a show on Some street, and My FIL of all people said " Geese honey if you were going to go to a strip club least you could have done was invite Dear ol Dad along for the show" I had no clue what to say I just ate my breakfast and bid him a good trip.

[iowancouple96 15]

We had a 'if they only knew' moment back in March when hubby and I attended a Passion Party. (For those of you that don't know what that is, it's a sex toy party and they are LOADS of fun!!!). While hubby and I were in the 'shopping room' with the consultant, she made a comment that made both of us kind of snicker. She said "You two are so cool and so open about sex!!" Hubby and I said later, "If she only knew just how open we are!"

[Floorman56 16]

My if they only knew moment was one friday before a weekend party when the younger single guys in my shop were talking about all the fun they were going to have over the weekend getting women at the bars. When they asked what I was going to do I said with all truth that I was going to a "wild sex party" they all laffed. They didn't think that a "old guy" like me (49) would do anything like that. On monday they were all whining about how there plans didn't work out but I didn't tell them about the double blow job that 2 hot babes gave the "old guy"

[intuition897 2,179]

When they asked what I was going to do I said with all truth that I was going to a "wild sex party" they all laffed. They didn't think that a "old guy" like me (49) would do anything like that. On monday they were all whining about how there plans didn't work out but I didn't tell them about the double blow job that 2 hot babes gave the "old guy"

 

Sweeet.

 

Went to Canada's Wonderland with the kids last week and went on the Drop Zone (never, never, never, ever again. ) and spoke with a couple who ended up on the same car as my daughter and I. If my kids and theirs hadn't been there, I might've spoken up and flirted a little or let drop a couple of subtle hints; they were definitely putting off a vibe that pinged my 'playdar'. Probably had something to do with how we all laughed when the speaker-guy announced that this ride is not recommended for people with heart problems, pacemakers, or implants. The husband remarked that it would be interesting to get a bunch of calendar girls lined up for the ride and see who had to back out.. lol

 

A little off topic, but thought I'd share.

[kandj 15]

Our little episode happened several months ago. We decided to go out to the local bar for supper with some long time friends. After several beers and lots of raunchy conversation an older, but extremely good looking woman came up to our table to talk with our friends. She was quite drunk (in a fun sort of way) and was all over the guys at our table. As the evening went on she kept telling hubby and me that we needed to loosen up and not be so prudish! OMG!! LOL!! If she only knew. Right at the end of the night, just as we were getting ready to leave, she approched us and stepped between, put her arms around both of us and whispered in my ear that she and I should just get together and make a sandwich out of my hubby! I just about lost it then and there. I think we laughed about it all the way home... you know... "If she only knew!"

But get this... just a month later some of our friends brought her up again and told us we had a narrow escape as she and her husband were swingers. I guess they even display it on their license plate! Close call indeed! Again I say..."If they only knew!!" LOL Keeping a straight face at these times is almost impossible.

 

j

[intuition897 2,179]

But get this... just a month later some of our friends brought her up again and told us we had a narrow escape as she and her husband were swingers.

j

 

Oh, the horror! Evil swingers! Eeeeevil!

 

Ayuh, we're a pretty dangerous bunch, aren't we?

 

Oh, and couple_ps, I don't think I'll ever be quite the same after that stupid ride. I love rollercoasters and very fast FORWARD-moving rides, but this gravity shit... I've never been totally freaked out on a ride before, but this was absolutely terrifying. Never knew I had a problem with heights before, but I was left without any doubt about that whatsoever! Did my best not to scream, but just couldn't help it. If I had been any more scared I think I would've peed my pants.

 

Sorry folks, a little off topic.

[EvilMJ 65]

okay, had another moment this weekend with our neighbours. We were BBQ'ing and asked what we were doing this weekend. Mr. Evil told them that as usual I was going our Friday night, and he was going to stay home (he was pretty tired from work and just didn't feel like joining me). The wife joked that since she couldn't go out and he couldn't go out, then I should take her hubby out and they could stay home. Her husband remarked that it would certainly make all the other neighbours wonder about us, they would probably think we were swingers! We all laughed but I couldn't look at hubby because I knew I would lose it right there. I wonder what they would say if I told them the truth!

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

A swinger couple that we know is very good friends with another swinger couple that is well known by pretty much all of our vanilla friends, because they are not very discreet. Because of her lack of discretion she comes up often in conversations, including one that occured during our Halloween party which our swinger couple friends attended (thus getting an earful about their good friend). The four of us pretty much kept our mouths shut while the vanillas went on and on about the swinger girl.

[sweet_tna 680]

Our annual Superbowl party this year got pretty interesting, as we had a mix of vanilla and play friends in attendance. One of our playmates won one of our games and received the coveted "Sweet" Superbowl Bash tee shirts. Another playmate complained that he would rather have the shirt than the movie he won in another game.

 

I simply said, "Well, if Mrs. Friend wins the other tee shirt, maybe you two can just swap." The comment was made innocently enough, but I heard Mr. Sweet choking on his drink. I quickly turned up the tv, and reminded everyone to check their bingo cards . . .

 

=)

[Chris&Amelia 253]

I had a very interesting experience at work on Sunday morning.

 

I'm suffering from a headache, so I'm hiding in my office trying to get some work done. I have my laptop on my desk and I'm typing away on it finishing some arrest reports for the night before (Saturday). To my right I have my work terminal open. And sitting on my desk is my Blackberry, which has YIM open on it as I'm chatting with a play friend.

 

So, one of my dayshift officers comes wandering into my office...

 

Me (looking up): "Hmmm?"

Officer: "So, Corp, wanna go to a swinger party?"

Me: (choke on coffee)

Me: "Okay, I have two questions. One... why are you asking me this? And two... what are YOU asking ME this? You're a good guy and all, and I like you as a friend, but I'm not really into guys..."

Officer: "Hah hah. Here, somebody turned this in."

(hands me a two-page flier for a local house party being held in a timeshare villa)

(I casually pick up my Blackberry and pocket it)

Me: "Okay. Big deal. Where was this found?"

Officer: "A housekeeper found it in the bathroom's trash can."

Me: (shrugs) "Whatever floats their boat, I guess."

Officer: (stands around, as if waiting for something)

Me: "Yes?"

Officer: "So, uh, Corp. Should we keep a watch in the area?"

Me: "Why would we do that?"

Officer: "Isn't that... like... illegal or something?"

(I proceed to explain why it's not illegal)

Me: "....so, unless we get a complaint from a neighbor or something, leave 'em alone. Anyway, you won't get much happening during dayshift anyway."

Officer: "Sure thing, boss!"

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Dayum Chris... that's craaaaazy.

 

So I'm taking a golf class (yeah you know where this is going)... and if all the talk about swinging properly isn't enough, we were split in two groups (one to pitch and one to chip) and then the instructor who is working with my group yells over at the other instructor, "you ready to swap, mate?". The one speaking was British btw.

[theboy 175]

I have an interesting one... from today!

 

I'm taking an interpersonal communication class as part of my degree, and we've gotten to the part about cheating in relationships.

 

The teacher went around the room asking people what they thought cheating on your significant other is...

 

"Holding Hands..."

"Kissing..."

"Sex..."

"Hugging..."

 

and so forth...

 

Then they get to me...

 

"Cheating, to me, is anything that you would have to hide from your partner while doing it. Every couple needs to discuss what is, and isn't, cheating to them so everyone's playing from the same rulebook. For some people, kissing isn't cheating. For others, looking at someone the wrong way is. It all depends on the couple."

 

Everyone just kinda looked at me like I was growing another head or something... The teacher *loved* it though!

 

LOL! If only they knew...

[belgiumcoast 55]

My wife and I had several laughs about this one. I run a small company with 1 employee. He works off-site most of the time and we communicate via AIM. Even at the time when my wife and I didn't swing yet, he and I often made some sexually oriented jokes like when I had to leave early I would say: have to go to a swing party or when he had to go somewhere during office hours (like the dentist) I joked that he was going to his mistress house. We continued joking about this, at the time my wife and I started swinging, but NEVER ever told him or would we tell hem that those jokes about wife swapping, trio's now are actually true... It's even so more fun joking now eg. like: I won't be working today and tomorrow, we have to go to a swingers party 200 miles from here and are staying there overnight.

Or last year in april (I'll never forget that day) when he came to my house because we had some things to discuss about work that we couldn't do over chat. That week a swingers couple who have become great friends were staying with us for a few days. She's 10 years younger than I am and very very pretty, he was away when my employee arrived but she was here, so he asked me: is that your new mistress ? I told yeah, she gave me a really great blow job yesterday night while my wife was fucking her husband (which was 100% true), and my employee had a good laugh but his face was telling me that he was thinking 'keep on dreaming buddy'.

OMG this is so funny... : telling the truth for 100% and he was thinking I'm day-dreaming...

 

Oh and one more thing, something happened in july last year: we went on a swingers trip with a boat for a week. After that we stayed in Greece for a few more days but one of the couples didn't and send us a mail to ask us if we enjoyed the boat trip and their email address was 2cuteswingers@xxx, the thing is that my mail at that time was forwarded to him so if clients would mail me he would get my mail (normally I don't give my work email to swingers friends but this time I made a mistake). He never said anything about the mail so I'm not sure if he has seen the email address or not... anyway we haven't been joking that much anymore about swinging...

[Chris&Amelia 253]

Okay, funny story from a couple of days ago at work...

 

I pick up the phone to call Amelia at home. With me is one of my officers. He happens to be friends with Amelia (they play World of Warcraft together).

 

(phone rings, voice mail picks up)

Me: "Hmmmm. Wonder where she is." (I figured she's out walking the dogs or something... which turned out to be the case)

Officer: "Isn't she off today?"

Me: "Yeah. Probably out with some guy or something." (Just an off-handed silly remark.)

Officer: (shocked look on his face) "Why would she do that?!?"

Me: "Huh?" (not realizing what he was talking about... again, it was just a silly remark.)

Officer: "If I catch her with some other guy, I'll pull her out of the car, ask her 'What do you think you're doing, girlfriend*?', and shoot the guy."

Me: "Dude, I was just kidding! You don't have to shoot anybody!"

Officer: "Well, just saying."

(* - the officer in question is also a "friend of Dorothy")

 

I told Amelia that the next time she's out, I'll have to give her a permission slip...

[JustMrJ 178]

The Monday following our first house party, where my wife was wonderfully serviced by six gentlemen and I had a nice time with the hostess, one of our young sales guys (who, by the way thinks he's a party animal) complains that he has a hangover and didn't get 'any' during the weekend.

 

I really had to put on my best 'sorry to hear that bro' look and then turn quickly out of the office. When I got back to my desk at the other end of the office I couldn't stop laughing.

 

If he only knew...

[theflamekasters 20]

we have a nilla friend that recently broke up with her man, who was a pos, so when he comes to get his stuff she calls and asks if i would come over and make sure nothing happens. So the mrs says if u need some i will share him. Just tell him i said it was ok. Then she laughed. So when i get there and all is over and done we go inside for a drink. I say, i heard The Mrs. told u she would share me with you. You want to get it on.

 

She looks at me and laughs and says u are so bad.

 

You know i am not into that swingin thing, and i am sure that Mrs. Flamekaster would kill me. lmao

 

The real kicker is she has been to a cpl of swinger, family friendly bbq's and still is clueless. So for the 4th of july we invited like 10 cpls and her. Wonder if she will get it.

 

 

Here's another one

 

I am a guitar player and recently got a guitar related tat. THe guy that did it works at the club we frequent. He and his wife are also in the ls. So i go to my local shop and say hey guys check this out. I pull up my shirt sleeve and show them The fisrt thing this 21 yr old guy asks me is where did u get that? So i say u ever heard of secrets, he says yeah, and then goes off on this story about how he went in there once thinkin it was a strip club, but they wouldnt let him in. He say yeah it is a swingers bar. I just smile and say u know more about it then i do.

 

if they only new!!

[willyoats 324]

I used to work in SE Asia. One time a blow hard offered to take my wife and me to some of the racy places in Phuket, Thailand to show us how much fun we could have if only we would loosen up a little. His idea of racy was going to a club run by and for transvestites (who are really beautiful there, I might add) and a couple of strip clubs.

 

If he only knew...

 

There must be something about the way we look and act that makes even people who obviously know better think we are REALLY straight laced,. We were at a July 4th picnic at our SWING CLUB once when the couple sitting across from us casually said that we really didn't look like swingers. I don't know what swingers are supposed to look like, but apparently it is not us.

 

Once, when my wife was out of town, I went to our swing club alone. My college-age kids were having a (straight, vanilla) party at home. They thought I was going to an alumnli meeting with old college buddies. When I got home at about 2 a.m., one of my daughter's jokester friends came over to me to say hello, looked at my collar and asked louldy enough for everybody to hear, "Where did you get that lipstick on your collar?" There wasn't actually any lipstick, so everybody had a good laugh.

 

If they only knew...

[tjomc 25]

Great Thread;

 

My wife and i have a couple we play with 2 to 3 times a month after one rather very hot night we returned to my mother-n-laws house to pick up our 16 month old, at around 2 am or so. and were asked by my mother-n-law what do you two do there all day and night, swap wives... to which my wife and i only smiled with that special look in our eye and replied no just spread the good cheer!!!!

 

Not long after my mom says its good you kids have a couple your age to get into trouble with, and drink, and talk dirty to.... we just smiled and said you know it mom..

 

If they only knew.....

[sweet_tna 680]

So a couple nights ago, I went out to dinner with a couple friends/playmates and my kiddos. On the way home, my 8-year-old is teasing them about holding hands and asking if they were going to "make out" later. He said that people can only make out if they're married or dating, and suggested that I start dating Mr. Friend.

 

Amid the laughter, we all, of course, reminded him that Mr. and Mrs. Friend are married to each other and I'm married to his dad.

 

=)

[likkit69 17]

Some play friends of ours, M&T, came over one Saturday evening. The night was completely G-rated, as they had brought their kids over to play with our kids. They stayed rather late and since our daughters birthday party was the next day, they stayed the night to save the 30-mile drive home and back again.

 

The next morning Mrs. Likkit and the other husband M were the first ones up. They started straightening up the house a little, when my aunt stops by. She noticed T sleeping on the couch and realized M (some guy she didn’t know) and my wife were the only two awake, yet, aside from an odd look, she said nothing.

 

Later when Mrs. Likkit was talking to her mother, she mentioned what had happened that morning and joked that it may have seemed awkward to my aunt. To which her mother jokingly replied…

 

“You should have put your arm around him said, ‘Yeah didn’t you know we’re swingers now!’”

 

Luckily, I was not there but my wife said her jaw almost hit the floor. All she could say was, “MOM!!”

After that we wonder if she suspects something because she is, after all, the one who watches our kids when we go “hang out” with all these new friends we seem to be making.

[slevin 1,374]

We had one of these moments this week. We were out with a group of friends that included a couple of single girls; one of the girls was talking openly about 3 of the guys that she sees casually and made some comment about how she knows all of us married people are living vicariously through her since everyone knows married people have boring sex lives.

 

I had to bite my tongue, had a good laugh at it. She thought her joke was really funny, which made me laugh even more. My wife smacked me on the leg. We had a good private chuckle about that, and after I stopped laughing she whispered in my ear "if she only knew".

 

Too funny.

[welshfuncouple 15]

my husband had gone out for a night out with one of his mates from work. they were talking about the sexy womewn in the bar, and the guy said to him, you don't need to look at others. my husband said, what do you mean. and he replied everyone know you and #### ( a couple we swing with ) are swingers. my husband nearly fainted and said why do you say that. he just said very matter of factly well you are arn't you. my husband just flushed and drank his pint

[wlhotwife 63]

I was driving in the car the other day with my 18 yr old daughter and the new Carrie Underwood song "Last Name" came on. (She meets, hooks up and marries someone without knowing his last name)

My daughter made the comment, "Can you imagine hooking up with someone, if you don't even know their last name?"

All of a sudden, it hit me that I don't know the last name of the couple we had sex with last week.

Of course, I answered to my daughter, "Yeah, what a slut!"

[cocpl2007 170]

We had one of these moments this week. We were out with a group of friends that included a couple of single girls; one of the girls was talking openly about 3 of the guys that she sees casually and made some comment about how she knows all of us married people are living vicariously through her since everyone knows married people have boring sex lives.

 

I had to bite my tongue, had a good laugh at it. She thought her joke was really funny, which made me laugh even more. My wife smacked me on the leg. We had a good private chuckle about that, and after I stopped laughing she whispered in my ear "if she only knew".

 

Too funny.

 

As a mid-level Executive there were many occurrences when the youngn's would come into the office from a weekend with their butts dragging. Some would boast of their weekend exploits (which with this "new" generation included the ladies) and make comments about us "old fogy married types") having a weekend filled with TV and Park outings.

 

Little did they know comparatively, they would have looked like alter boys & girls!

 

Ain't it great!

[ncmd_couple 597]

This evening "L" and I went out for dinner and a movie. Dinner was ok, had a couple of beers, then headed to the theater. I aproached the window and said, "Two adults for SwingFest... er... I mean "Swing Vote"...."

 

I have no idea how I kept a straight face! And "L" said, "Honey you have to post that!" and laughed out loud at me.

[shes_in_parties 22]

Mrs. SIPS just told me this one - she was at work and a coworker (male) walked out, having changed and gotten dressed up as if to go out. She said "got a hot date?" He replied "nah, not really" and she said "well, if you can't get a hot date, how am I gonna get a hot date?" Another coworker said "what are you guys, swingers?" "um, no..."

 

If they only knew...

[Swing*8701 887]

Ed here-- I was on a project and one of the people on it was talking on how he was shocked to be asked if he and his wife would ever consider Swinging. He went on to say that committed intelligent couples would never consider it. I replied, "Do you think you're that way because of fear, ignorance, or values designed to protect your psyche ?" this took him off guard and he took refuge in his religion by saying,"Well, I think we know what God intended for marriage." I replied that ,"Yep, God does know about marriage. God knew enough about it to make certain his son never did it." This was followed by nervous laughter and me saying,"I'm just fuckin' with ya ."

[awesomecplmn 21]

I asked my younger sister if she could stay overnight with my kids so hubby and I could get away for a night at a hotel (I neglected to mention the couple we'd be sharing a room with).

 

She said, "Why? You gonna get freaky?"

I said, "No"

She said, "Yea you are. You're gonna get freaky."

I said, "Ok. You're right."

 

And at this point in the story we come to the title of the thread..........

 

If she only knew!

[intuition897 2,179]

Ed here-- I was on a project and one of the people on it was talking on how he was shocked to be asked if he and his wife would ever consider Swinging. He went on to say that committed intelligent couples would never consider it. I replied, "Do you think you're that way because of fear, ignorance, or values designed to protect your psyche ?" this took him off guard and he took refuge in his religion by saying,"Well, I think we know what God intended for marriage." I replied that ,"Yep, God does know about marriage. God knew enough about it to make certain his son never did it." This was followed by nervous laughter and me saying,"I'm just fuckin' with ya ."

 

LMFAO! You go, Ed!

 

I probably posted it on this thread already, but I'm too lazy to go through to check...but anyway. Sitting around gossiping with some of my officemates and the fact that I don't wear a wedding band came up. I said that I lost it some years ago and never got around to replacing it (true), and Mr. intuition got out of the habit of wearing his because of the safety issues where he works.

 

"You're swingers, that's what it is!" she said. I just rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah that's us!" Not sure if she totally bought it, though.

[PB&J 1,086]

You mean we're not the only community theatre people who swing? lol. We've gotten involved in the lifestyle in the past year, and the antennae of our theatre friends are vibrating like maaad. For instance, where do we go on Saturday nights when we ask others to cover non-performance duties for us? And why did it take so long for me to realize that I really should be reacting a little more when lecherous older actor friend kept trying to dive nose-first down my cleavage? lol. If only they knew....

[Cancuple-he 37]

My biggest: "If they only knew" moments usually arise when "the guys" are all talking about how attractive they find Mrs. Cancuple, and how I'm such a lucky guy...

 

Then of course there's the common male fantasy of having a 3-some... and all I can do is bite my tongue!