Potential of Blackmail and Swinging

[nvrgesus2 15]

My wife and I have been involved in the Lifestyle for a year now and have had some great times; however, since the start of our new lifestyle, I have been concerned that someone with knowledge of our secrete life may use it against us for something in return to keep quiet. If we were discovered, my wife and I have plenty to lose professionally and socially.

 

Has anyone had any experience with the treat of someone telling others of your swinging lifestyle? I would be interested how teachers, dentists, lawyers, police officers and others in the public realm view this issue.

 

Thanks,

S & J

[JandL 15]

My wife and I have been involved in the Lifestyle for a year now and have had some great times; however, since the start of our new lifestyle, I have been concerned that someone with knowledge of our secrete life may use it against us for something in return to keep quiet. If we were discovered, my wife and I have plenty to lose professionally and socially.

 

Has anyone had any experience with the treat of someone telling others of your swinging lifestyle? I would be interested how teachers, dentists, lawyers, police officers and others in the public realm view this issue.

 

Thanks,

S & J

 

I haven't swung yet, but could potentially have blackmail used against me in relation to my work. I think I will have to make a decision if I can afford to be outted. Because you really do have to plan for the worst case scenario. If I absolutely could not be outted then this lifestyle wouldn't work for me.

 

Would I succumb to blackmail? Certainly not. So that is why I have to make that choice before I start swinging.

[lovedoctor 15]

We have thought about this question b/c we are both professionals in a small town. We have decided that if "outed" we would be all about saying "yup, that's us, thanks for asking!" - Thank goodness I have my own business so I wouln't get fired (unless I let myself go ) and I would probably just go ahead and write a column for the local paper if threatened. I'd be beating on my chest. Now the hubby, he's a little bit quieter, so he might feel embarassed - knowing him. I figure, if we think about the worst case scenario, plan how we would handle it, think our way through it, and then let it go, we will be healthier mentally - so we have done just that and chosen not to worry about it.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

We have decided that if "outed" we would be all about saying "yup, that's us, thanks for asking!" - Thank goodness I have my own business so I wouln't get fired (unless I let myself go ) and I would probably just go ahead and write a column for the local paper if threatened.

This is our attitude and situation (self-employed).

 

Who knows, we may even have a new career one day because of swinging.

 

Mr LM can counsel swingers.

 

I'll write a book about swinging.

 

LM

[Zoe&Wash 93]

We have thought about this question b/c we are both professionals in a small town. We have decided that if "outed" we would be all about saying "yup, that's us, thanks for asking!" - Thank goodness I have my own business so I wouln't get fired (unless I let myself go ) and I would probably just go ahead and write a column for the local paper if threatened.

I wish I could say Dito, but it would be tantamount to professional suicide for us. The chattering classes would simply have a field day with us and we'd have to move someplace even more friggin' remote - or go back down to the pavement and disappear into the millions of souls down there.

 

For right now, we're going with a "No one in our Area Code" rule. Thankfully our area code is almost as large as New England.

 

What I haven't heard is anyone saying if they've been outed in a small community (a small geographic community or a small professional community) and the effect it had on them.

 

W

[DBL D 120]

I guess we'd say, "Yeah we're swingers...where'd you get that idea?"

 

We won't be blackmailed that's for sure, and we live in a small conservative community. I can't even begin to imagine all those who would be secretly jealous, because we feel it's ok to do what we're doing. We just don't want to rub the wrong faces in it.

 

Some people need a life.

 

Male D

[Chicup 42]

My wife and I have been involved in the Lifestyle for a year now and have had some great times; however, since the start of our new lifestyle, I have been concerned that someone with knowledge of our secrete life may use it against us for something in return to keep quiet. If we were discovered, my wife and I have plenty to lose professionally and socially.

 

Has anyone had any experience with the treat of someone telling others of your swinging lifestyle? I would be interested how teachers, dentists, lawyers, police officers and others in the public realm view this issue.

 

Thanks,

S & J

 

 

I wouldn't be to worried about it myself. Yea it would be a pain in the ass, but we don't post naked pictures of ourselves, and 'proof' is kinda hard to get. So while we would need to make up a story about the crazy man we met a bar or some such, I'm sure we would be covered.

 

The question of course is HOW could they blackmail you? They are going to email your boss saying you are a swinger? Tell your parents? Unless they had something tangible as evidence all it is, is hearsay.

 

Being in the Chicago area helps, as there are a lot of people here, and its easy to get lost in the crowd. I know, being that my job is somewhat high profile I WILL run into someone who will know me at some point. About the only place I can see it hurting is if you run for public office (remember the Ryan (and I forget his first name) who was running for senate? He dropped out because his wife testified he got her to go to ‘sex clubs’ or some such in their divorce) but otherwise I’d not fuss to much about it.

 

Of course you being a chicago couple we are now intrigued and want to get to know you

[HotMoCpl 20]

Ah yes! I've lived as a paranoic for most of my life and have learned in recent years that I can live no other way!!! Let the individual(s) make a fool of themselves! Print our pictures in the paper! And after the court trial we'll walk away with the cash! Hey, my ex even tried to ruin my military career with crap like that. Its like Martin Luther King Jr. said; "We shall over come!" I thank the Goddess and Gods in heaven for the two heart attacks that sent me home! An I'm still LMFAO!!!

 

This may not be much consulation to you, but its the way I've learned to deal with the world....HEAD ON!

 

Don't have a NICE day....have a BETTER ONE!

[oncewere 84]

Many years ago while the President of Indonesia (Sukarno I think) was visiting the USSR the KGB supplied him with lots of women to play with. When he returned a Soviet embassy person brought pictures of his playing and threatened to release them if he didn't do their bidding.

 

He asked for copies saying that his people would love to find out that he still had it in him to be so active. He told this story on himself several times.

[NaughtyKitten 16]

A friend of mine views it this way......mutually assured destruction. They won't tell on you because then their secret would be out too. Most swingers are pretty discrete. I wouldn't worry about it and just make sure you play with couples that understand your need for discretion. If you chat with someone that seems to want to shout it to the rooftops then don't meet or play with them. That is one of the reasons we like to talk with people online a few times before we decide to meet them. Gives us a feel for the kind of people they are. Good luck and don't stress too much about this issue.

 

BTW.....we are in SW Michigan, not too far from Chicago and not in your area code!

[lovefest04 701]

I understand your concern.

 

Blackmail always requires two participants, one who threatens and one who runs scared and is willing to pay to not have the truth come out.

 

You have an easy choice, decide not to play because you MAY be outed and you can't accept the truth getting out for whatever reason

 

or

 

play and decide that your private life, which hurts no one, is nobodys business but your wife and yours and be prepared to

 

Deny Deny Deny

 

Of course, you'll both be denying with a wicked flushed grin on your faces.

 

Life is too short to not be honest with ourselves and be willing to stand up and say yes I swing, so what?

[twoplayful2 16]

Up to how much you want to do it vs how much you want to let things like this effect your life and how much enjoyment you're going to get out of it. There will always be *some* risk to everyone, even those with less to lose than you. We take certain small precautions like staying out of our town, keeping our pic out of the public profiles, stuff like that. But we feel the lifestyle is something that makes our lives more enjoyable and there's a lot more to enjoying life than making sure you're living 100% risk-free. Odds are you're never going to face someone like that. And if you do, there's some chance they've got something to lose as well so they're really not going to follow up with any sort of threat like that. If they make threats of blackmail make counter-threats of calling the police. If it goes further just deny their crap and wait it out, it will go away eventually. But really, this sort of thing has to be extremely rare. You're thinking that you've got so much more to lose than someone else, but to most couples they feel like they've got just as much to lose as you do by being outted.

[2FRIENDS 15]

wasnt black mailed but got a playmate cpl when discovered at work. Of course I denied it some BUT they IMed me and gave me thier profile to look at. So when I knew they were serious we went for it facelick

[LIZA 20]

Well, I dont post ads with pictures or anything. Only way we would really be "outed" is to run into another couple and a club or party and if they are a co-worker, or client, what would they really have to say?

They were there too!

[meandher2go 17]

god help the person who tries to blackmail me or my wife. it wont be pretty. i wont run scared, i will attack back and attack harder to make a point and make sure they never do it again.

 

its my motto and i live by it.

[nvrgesus2 15]

I think the most common thread in the posts is that blackmail is a risk but not very probable. Hell, life is full of risk. Granted, I don’t like the blackmail thing but some of the risks and unknowns of swinging are exciting (who are we going to meet at the club tonight?). On a cautionary note, I think swinging outside our area code is probably good advice for us.

 

Those that we have met in the lifestyle have been quality fun people (your typical middle class neighbors with two or more kids). It was no surprise to us that the posts listed here were worthy thoughts, THANKS.

 

By the way, do you guys really think some paranoid enough to start a thread like this would list their real home city even if it is Chicago? Anyway, we visit Chicago area clubs for those near by. Thanks Again, S and J

[Janet 15]

I wonder why would a person Blackmail another??

Could it be that this person has done something them and thats a way of getting even.

In a job situation probadly "the green eye monster"Ex: your position at work,your salary,your clothes or just being popular.

In a realtionship I have always follow this rule: Always Always no matter what the circumstance part as friends you don't anyone a reason to:blackmail, hate,bad mouth you to others.

Especially those cheating m/f without their partner knowledge when you part from that other person m/f,Do it nicely and with respect leave the book open you ever know when you will need that person for one reason or another.Also remember this is the person you cheated with obvious that they know plenty of info to 'Blackmail" you if they wanted or just to get even if the part of the ways was a harsh one,There is nothing worse than to have a woman scorns.

Those who swinger together with there partner "s" just maybe the person wish to have your open honest lifestyle but because they can't they want to make your life in misery same as there own try and be more friendly to them it might make them forget.

[lizandtom 512]

I wonder why would a person Blackmail another??

QUOTE]

 

Money would probably be high on the list.

 

Our mantra on it all:

 

NEVER EXPLAIN.

 

NEVER APOLOGIZE.

[Chicup 42]

By the way, do you guys really think some paranoid enough to start a thread like this would list their real home city even if it is Chicago? Anyway, we visit Chicago area clubs for those near by. Thanks Again, S and J

 

No but if thats where you play, then you may as well be from Chicago

[Vespertine 31]

Our mantra on it all:

 

NEVER EXPLAIN.

 

NEVER APOLOGIZE.

Kind of like my mantra:

 

If they/he/she didn't see it, it didn't happen. If you didn't see me, I didn't do it.

 

"Wasn't Me."

[Janet 15]

I wonder why would a person Blackmail another??

QUOTE]

 

Money would probably be high on the list.(Money isn't always the main answer to solve it,they might want something else which in turn leads to the Blackmail)

 

Our mantra on it all:

 

NEVER EXPLAIN.(Don't be a Fool explain ,be polite it would be easy on both if the depart is friendly to prevent Blackmail)

 

NEVER APOLOGIZE.

("laugh", never apologize that's just setting up a red flag to say "go call my house, show the pictures, etc..ALWAYS WATCH YOUR Manners, you suppose keep your friends close BUT your enemy even closer..Why make a enemy just say your sorry and pretend to be his/her friend they will forget after awhile.. You see you are a couple remember some of this is for marriage cheating men/woman , please don't tell them not to Explain or they don't have to apology WHAt you want the man/lady to knock on there door and tell the spouse the whole affair That is what will happen doing it your way.

[lovedoctor 15]

I'll write a book about swinging.

 

LM

 

If you write a book, I want a signed copy! I have ordered (and started reading) several good lifestyle books - but I do have to agree with you here!! I think writing a book - a sort of bio-novel, would be just the coolest!

[ABond 15]

I don't agree on Money is always reason to blackmail. Courteous is why someone explains.

Apologize "shaken head" I rate do that then make waves with the person which would lead to problems.

[interested-05 135]

Just an observation of mine, when you look at the experience of politicians and such who have been caught w/their pants down or at least some embarrassing expose's, the best course of action is to admit the truth and their is a whole lot less explaining, fewer headaches, and everything blows over much quicker.

[WiserNow 15]

Being exposed when I was younger, much less experienced and much more vulnerable might have been a major problem for me. Though I don't deliberately advertise my chosen lifestyle to everyone around me (it's easier to keep my personal life private), now that I'm older I'm not nearly as worried about it as I once would've been. These days I'm much less concerned with what society thinks about me. Of course, I'm just an ordinary guy, so no one will really care anyway, I'll never make headlines.

 

Earlier in a separate thread I raised the question of just how much we should trust our intimate partners, whether we're really looking for friends or if casual acquaintances are acceptable. If you'd have a lot to lose by having someone else, possibly a virtual stranger, expose your lifestyle to your friends and family, you may want to re-think your criteria for playmates. Friends that you trust are less likely to deliberately try to hurt you.

[Janet 15]

Keyword is "FRIENDS",One can't be a friends is both parties depart angry can they now? unless there is a apologies..leave a angry woman now that's where a blackmail might come in not for money but lack of a person pride/respect.

[hmr 25]

Unfortunately we've been exposed to this recently. Not us directly, hell I'm a contractor and ex navy submarine sailor , people would just not be surprised.

However, we have a group on another site that was going to have a house party in a small town. All was set up and ready to go , when about 1 week before the event, the host cancelled. With no explaination, at first, all kinds of speculation as to why the cancellation. Then we found out someone had read the thread and recognized the host, a single divorced male. This person called his work place and his family (including his mother) to tell what he was doing. He never did explain the full story, but we all felt very sorry for this man. He had to explain to his family something that they never should have known about, and was nearly fired by his boss. Needless to say, this was a very uncomfortable situation, one which never should have occured. Some people can not just allow others to live their lives wothout interfering.

[DEMON74 15]

blackmail only affects those who let it

[lovedoctor 15]

Being exposed when I was younger, much less experienced and much more vulnerable might have been a major problem for me. Though I don't deliberately advertise my chosen lifestyle to everyone around me (it's easier to keep my personal life private), now that I'm older I'm not nearly as worried about it as I once would've been. These days I'm much less concerned with what society thinks about me. Of course, I'm just an ordinary guy, so no one will really care anyway, I'll never make headlines.

 

Earlier in a separate thread I raised the question of just how much we should trust our intimate partners, whether we're really looking for friends or if casual acquaintances are acceptable. If you'd have a lot to lose by having someone else, possibly a virtual stranger, expose your lifestyle to your friends and family, you may want to re-think your criteria for playmates. Friends that you trust are less likely to deliberately try to hurt you.

 

I really like your attitude about this! I tend to care less about what others think about me these days, and more what I think about myself. Not everyone can be in that position when it comes down to it, but I think it's a good spot to be in, if you can get there!

[DBL D 120]

...Then we found out someone had read the thread and recognized the host, a single divorced male. This person called his work place and his family (including his mother) to tell what he was doing. He never did explain the full story, but we all felt very sorry for this man. He had to explain to his family something that they never should have known about, and was nearly fired by his boss...Some people can not just allow others to live their lives wothout interfering.

 

This wasn't blackmail, it was worse. Did he ever find out who made the calls? Does this single divorced man still dabble or is he turned off completely?

 

Male D

[CuriousInOregon 16]

I have to say that HELL NO I would never be black mailed into ANYTHING If it came down to it I would fess up, We have talked about it and came to the conclussion that IF asked by someone "professional" we would play it by ear by asking why they thought that and try to read the reaction before giving an answer. but Really How can you prove it? YOu can say you had sex with hundreds but its your word aginst theirs so I would not succome to the Blackmail NO WAY

[Callie 15]

Some people keep records and dates, noteable things that was talkable,body scars if any,etc..that's how they prove it.

[intuition897 2,179]

Then we found out someone had read the thread and recognized the host, a single divorced male. This person called his work place and his family (including his mother) to tell what he was doing. He never did explain the full story, but we all felt very sorry for this man. He had to explain to his family something that they never should have known about, and was nearly fired by his boss. Needless to say, this was a very uncomfortable situation, one which never should have occured. Some people can not just allow others to live their lives wothout interfering.

 

 

It is precisely because of assholes like this one that we find ourselves tucked underground with this. We aren't ashamed of what we do, or our values. When my kids are old enough that long-term sexual relationships have become a significant life concern for them (and I mean mid-twenties and on), I would not be afraid to share my own views of sexuality with them. Until then, of course, swinging should not be something they need concern themselves with.

 

If said asshole decided to try blackmailing us by exposing our families to our private sexual preferences, I would be beyond furious. We are discrete for a reason when it comes to our kids. Even though sex between consenting adults - Mommy and Daddy - is natural and normal and very healthy, we still close and lock the damn door! Prematurely exposing kids to more sexuality than they are ready to understand is abusive. I mean, everyone should know that! Shit like this has a way of getting around the school playground, and even though we try to shelter our kids from the more advanced concepts of sex (handjobs, blowjobs, rimming, anal sex, toys, etc.), not every parent is quite so conservative or discrete. And you can bet that a 'scandal' like this that outrages and titilates the grown-ups is inevitably going to trickle down to their kids' playground. I don't want any kid of mine being taunted with "Your momma's whore!"

 

I've got a slew of terms and names for people who would do this that would make a seasoned sailor blush!! I mean can't they grasp such a basic concept that what they are doing is wrong? Never mind what we do! We don't hurt anyone! Their actions, however, are blatantly harmful and counterproductive. Really, what would they have accomplished? Did they dole out justice? Do they feel better now, feel like the righteous and upstanding citizen, a soldier of God, for ruining the lives of good people? Have they risen above and endeared themselves to their Creator now? Does anyone still left here on this blue, white and green rock hold them in higher esteem? I think not. All I see is someone who can't feel good about themselves unless they are standing over top of someone else. As though they are worthless if they aren't somehow 'holier-than-thou'.

 

This rant does nothing, does it? I still had to get it out, though. This is just frustration at people who are unable to see beyond the ends of their noses and glimpse the bigger picture.

[graygo98 148]

If anyone ever calls me to rat out one of my employees for swinging (or any other personal lifestyle choice that doesn't harm another) I will lay right into them. Then, I'll turn them over to Intuition.

 

The smug self-righteousness that would lead someone to try to seriously damage someone who is minding their own business and not harming a soul just makes me see red. Simply beneath contempt.

[Callie 15]

well it I guess would be ok if your separate and not living together to swing But recently I man from here contact me ,his profile read single..As we met and talked he was still married and with kids..His explain the reason why he's cheating"he gets no sex at home only when she wants it."...Reason why he put single male Because ladies won't go out if he put married up. How many years he been cheating 12 all people he found online."shaken head"