When couples don't send pictures of the man

[Guest figures]

Hi everyone, like some feedback on this please. Many times we've gotten reponses to our ad or corresponded with couples and they will send a LOT of pictures of the lady but none of the guy. Even most of the ads we might look at with an eye toward responding to have no pictures of the guys or only pictures of his cock. My other half over time has become very offended at this. Bases on her experiences of the couples we have met with that either won't send pictures of the guy or send cock pictures is that they approach swinging as wife swapping. Meaning they seem to treat it as they are swapping wives and the ladies feelings as to attraction and/or equal treatment is unimportant. I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't judge somoene until you've met them but I can understand her feelings on this. In the past we tried sending BOTH of our pictures first and when responding to others ads, asking for them to send pictures of both back. Sadly most push for meeting and express a keen interest in parying with us but we end up with more pictures of the woman. What gives what this? This has now become a real problem for us as she pretty much put any couple in the "no" category that doesn't have pictures of the guy on their ad or doesn't send just a clear and nice a picture of him as her. She does try to stay open to the possibilty that the guy may be respectful and treat women well but if we meet them they will have this handicap to overcome. Any thoughts on this? I personally don't see why this happens so often but I know it does. As a result of this we don't have any ads posted anywhere presently but we are talking about swinging again. I suppose the short answer would be to post an ad saying we will only respond to those who send pictures of both but again...we tried that and got tons of emails and offers with pics attached of hot women and NO guys picture. I seen many comment on this board about what is good for the goose is good for the gander..

[DBL D 120]

Very interesting question. We state that we want a good photo of the guy but at the same time it is not the end of things if it's not the best photo. It all depends on how you feel. We will not meet someone without having seen him first! Definitely!!!

 

DBL D

[djjwp 129]

We demand both in the profile. Too many good looking ladies marry Frankensteins brother. If they can not post both pictures in the profile... NEXT! Too many folks out there to waste time dwelling on the ones that feel OK to post the wife everywhere but not themselves.

[jennandjamesinm 87]

Dito to DBLD and djjwp...If there arent pics of the man, then its a no go. We won't meet a couple that doesn't show pics of both. And penis pics automatically get delete.

 

Jenn

[MassPleaser 16]

We've had a few couple send pics of the woman and not the man, when asked about it a couple of them replied that they assumed we were more interested in what she looked like and not what he looked like, so they didn't take much effort in sending any of him. We won't meet any couples until we see a pic of both either, but with my wife being a bit small and tight we also ask for pics of his cock so she won't run out of the room when she finds out he's way too big for her. Pics aren't everything, but they do help in making a decision to move to the next level.

[Paramour2_99 0]

That means he wants to keep his identity secret. He dosen't mind sending pics of his partner all over creation but his identity he want to be respectful of. And that he's ugly of course,,,,, Sincerely "X" Swinger

[intuition897 2,179]

That means he wants to keep his identity secret. He dosen't mind sending pics of his partner all over creation but his identity he want to be respectful of. And that he's ugly of course,,,,, Sincerely "X" Swinger

 

Does this apply to every instance of no-guy-pics?

[Sweet_Candy 54]

For us if you don't have a recent couple's pic you best go elsewhere. We are straight and looking for a couple not a woman. Agree with the beauty and the beast syndrome...

[Chicup 42]

A lot of attractive women marry ugly guys, but its not always the case with the lack of male picture.

 

On the other hand, in the cases where you ONLY see pictures of the guy, the woman is most definately ugly.

 

I still don't get it really, its like using really old pictures, at best it gets you a meeting, you waste the other couples time, and you still don't get laid.

[Paramour2_99 0]

Does this apply to every instance of no-guy-pics?

 

More often than not,,,,,, "X" Swinger

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

We won't meet a couple that doesn't show pics of both. And penis pics automatically get delete.

 

Jenn

 

Dito Especially on the penis pics ..... all guys have one and I know what they look like :rollseyes

 

I don't mind if there aren't pics of the guy on their profile but if we start emailing I want to see a face pic or we are not going to waste our time meeting.

 

We usually want to see pics and have a phone call before meeting because that also rules out a single guy trying to pass himself off as married. It also helps eleminate the married guy trying to cheat, which we have run into. After we meet a "single" guy locally we got to the bar he had a wedding ring and kept saying "our" or "we", etc. We said "bye-bye" and let him know the reason

 

I would just suggest after you email just let them know if they can't send pics of both then wish them good luck in the lifestyle and say good-bye. Don't waste your time.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[intuition897 2,179]

More often than not,,,,,, "X" Swinger

 

 

Hmmm. Sounds like a poll in the making.

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

 

A lot of attractive women marry ugly guys, but its not always the case with the lack of male picture.

 

On the other hand, in the cases where you ONLY see pictures of the guy, the woman is most definately ugly.

 

If we started a list of the "Top 50 Things You Should Know About Ad Profiles" this would definitely have to go in it!

 

LM

[two4youinswva 3,068]

We really haven't experienced a problem with this.

 

But, we aren't hooking up much on line anymore either.

 

Seems like more and more, we're finding our fun at the club we attend.

 

No hiding your face there!

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

JoAnn and I have had just enough experience with meeting people through Web sites to see a significant correlation. A couple who post an advertisement having at least one picture showing the both of them together are much more likey to become friends and partners. We have learned to save time and effort by ignoring those who post pictures of only one person or pictures of only private parts. We are not, after all, looking for a date with a dick and a boob.

 

Michael

[WildMiCouple 325]

We are not, after all, looking for a date with a dick and a boob.

Michael

Couldn't have said it better myself

 

Brett (and Tammy)

[Just_us49 32]

We have found pretty much the same thing. No male pics and we typically wouldn't contact them. If we are contacted, we always start off asking for pics of the male. Nine times out of ten we are sorry we asked.

 

It does seem like an epidemic of fugly dudes out there with nice looking ladies.

 

We had a single guy one time refuse to send pics but beg to buy us dinner. Said he was fit, 32 yrs old, etc. We told him if he was lying or couldn't pass the looks test he was going to pay for dinner and part ways.

 

We went to dinner and this guy was 45 if he was a day old and far from "fit". We had about a $60 dinner and left him sitting there with the bill.

 

Ever since then we will not meet anyone without pics first.

 

-D

[pixieandelf7 15]

I am frustrated with this, also. There is more than one half of a couple, so show him! Ugly or not, the eyes speak volumes.

 

I always wondered if the male was embarrassed that his wife hogged up the ad, or if he had hurt feelings because his wife thought his photo would turn away prospective couples??

 

If he balked at the picture going into the ad, then that tells me he has poor self esteem, and I don't want that, either.

 

And if it was a matter of discretion, much can be done to doctor a photo so that the face is not easily recognizable.

[WesternSwing 504]

I had an experience happen to me Saturday on SLS. We got an email from someone wanting to meet, which one of us I don't know. All it said was "I want to have some fun with you" and had a picture of an attractive naked female attached.

 

I checked the profile, it was listed as a couple, all the photos were "private" and they showed online. So I IM'd them. It turned out to be the wife online, or so I thought. She said stuff that usually only a horny, uncouth man would say, not your typical female stuff. I thought "this must either be a very forward female, or a male posing as a female". But I've run into this before and when we met the couple at a party it did turn out to the female chatting with me, so I played along for a minute.

 

When I asked what she meant by her one-liner she said "whatever you want. We can meet alone, I can meet your wife alone, I can meet you and your wife, I'll send my husband over to play with you both or your wife alone." She asked if I wanted to see more pics of her, whatever kind of pics doing whatever I wanted to see. Wouldn't send any of her husband, thought. She said all they had were cock shots since he is always holding the camera.

 

She wanted to know if my wife would be interested in her or her husband and we'd get together that night. I told her that we just don't play like that and only my wife can decide who she is attracted to.

 

It just seemed... weird. So I ended the conversation after several minutes. I really think that from the things that were said, and the fact that there were no pictures of the husband, that it was a man posing as a female on IM. Makes you wonder about the rest.

 

But, back to the thread at hand. I think allot of guys are shy about sending face pics in, but they have no problem showing their wife in all sorts of R- and X-rated pics. Might be a homophobic thing. I don't know.

 

But this is a couple thing, at least for us. We're not just having sex with the female of the couple. My wife has to be attracted to the male also. I have to wonder how many emails they get, or how many positive responses they get to emails they send.

 

Mr. WS

[NakedInSeattle 159]

Check out our profile on SLS (same silly name as here). I think it is a good example of the kind of pictures we like to see. We are both there, the pictures are in good taste and they show what we are like and what our interests are. Some pictures show what our bodies look like and some show us "cleaned up." Let us know what you think.

[ItTakes3 19]

Women marry men after they get to know them and are willing to accept less than handsome if his other attributes are desirable. While I have dated and had sex with many attractive and downright beautiful women...and married one, none of them would have even wanted to meet me if they had seen my photo first. Besides being a very common looking guy, I photograph horribly and look intimidating and unfriendly. When they get to know me, attitudes quickly change, but if photos are the make or break for a meeting, it simply doesn't happen and that's why we quit looking for couples.

 

That is the main reason you don't see photos of the guys at first.

[jstlkng 15]

We don't publish pics. First, my wife is not yet ready to swing, so when we run ads on line its for the possibility of making friends with open minded people, who, if the chemistry is right for all, may find that we are willing to have some fun. We just don't know yet. So we don't publish pics yet. There are several reasons:

 

My wife is a nurse and well known in our community.

I am the associate pastor of my local church.

I am also a real estate broker.

 

Should pics of us get out to the general public we would be the subjcet of much unwanted scrutiny. And our extra measure of discretion does limit out ability to meet others who are wary because we do not publish any pics at all. However, on the rare occasion we get replies we do share face pics...never body parts. Hey, there are a few of us out there who are not Ken & Barbie nor are we Frankenstein and his Bride either. Just being careful.

 

Ben

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

. . . . .Makes you wonder about the rest.

 

But, back to the thread at hand. I think allot of guys are shy about sending face pics in, but they have no problem showing their wife in all sorts of R- and X-rated pics. Might be a homophobic thing. I don't know.

 

Mr. WS

 

I see that this thread has stayed very much alive since I last visited it in September. Just had to add to this comment made by the Utah people and add a new observation.

 

As it happens we recently met a very nice couple whose profile at a swingers' Website resembled in almost all aspects the classic example of a fabricated, bogus one (their contacting us by video chat was the evidence that made us realize that they were real). It just goes to show; you never really know for sure.

 

As for the business of showing your wife in the most intimate (even extreme close-up) poses but no picture of the man, that has always puzzled us too.

[Guest MrsVan]

MrVan and I ran into this same problem.. We met a couple who were in our age range and the pics looked legit. So we sent an email asking if they would have an interest in getting together. The husband sent private pics of the wife but when we asked for a picture of the two together, we never got another response back. To us it felt as if one of them was not real? Maybe he had a picture of an old girlfriend but could not provide a picture of them together and then backed out.

 

I find it disappointing to look at profiles and see only pics of the woman.. If your registered as a couple, then post pictures of the couple.

 

MrsVan

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

Something that recently happened to us:

 

The man of a couple contacted us, yet didn't include a picture of himself even though our profile requests a picture of both of them be attached to their first e-mail. Once he sent his picture I decided I would not be interested in meeting him.

 

Turning down a meet with someone after they finally send their picture puts the reason right out there. I really don't want people to feel rejected because of their looks, this is why I ask for a picture right up front, this way they don't know exactly why we say "no thank you."

 

LM

[WesternSwing 504]

We've made sure that there is a 50/50 mix of the both of us on our profile. It's only fair to Mrs. WS.

 

Mr. WS

[wolfnblu 15]

NakedinSeattle - I definitely agree with you - love the way you've done your pics. We've tried to do the same on our profiles on SLS and C4P. Admittedly, there are more pics of me, but there are several of Wolf to look at , too. Not having a picture of the man is just such a turnoff to me.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

We have one of us as a couple and several of us as individuals. You get what you see, no surprises.

[J & K 16]

We have come to find out why men don't post their pics.....80% are not worth looking at. Hot looking ladies with unattractive men seems to be the norm. That being said gives most all of us men a chance to play with hot looking ladies!!!! So come on guys....let us post our pics for the ladies because we can't be no worse than what is really out there so we must let the ladies decide if we are worth looking at. Don't be shy now. I have my pic up and don't consider myself a "hunk", so I let the women decide that.....not me or my wife.

[JnCC 24]

We have come to find out why men don't post their pics.....80% are not worth looking at. Hot looking ladies with unattractive men seems to be the norm.

They might not be "worth looking at," but they must have something going on if they've got "hot looking ladies" on their arms. There's a direct correlation between the amount of money a guy makes and the likelihood that his face is pictured in a swingers profile. The reason is simple...a guy who makes $8.00/hr stocking shelves in Wal-Mart isn't risking much by putting his pic up on a swingers website. True, he could lose his job (especially at Wal-Mart) and he's probably living on a lot smaller margins, but he can get a similar-paying job at Home Depot if the need arises.

 

Professional people are different.

 

Most guys who are knocking down $100/$200K/yr don't have the luxury of being able to post their faces on a swingers website. It's as simple as that. It takes time to find those kinds of jobs, or to rise in an organization to that level of responsibility and income. In fact, I would seriously question the judgement of anybody who would place their career in jeopardy just to post a more attractive profile on an alternate lifestyle website.

 

I've actually been involved in this lifestyle on an ongoing basis with 2 different women. The first time, we posted cropped, full-body shots of both of us. The second time, we posted body-shots of both, and face-pics of her (she wasn't working at the time). We had more-than-ample responses to our profile both times, although putting face pics on the second profile caused us slightly more drama than it was worth. Only once did we ever meet somebody who, upon seeing us in person, ran the other way.

 

God Bless 'em. They saved us the trouble of doing likewise.

 

Unfortunately, we still live in a society where what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms does have an effect on our professional careers. Professional people understand...the others, you can't explain it to.

[redhead12144 15]

most guys think if a couple sees their pic they will not want to meet. when i send out my pics i always send some clothed and nude.of my full body.

[CuriousInOregon 16]

We Dont demand pics of both in profile BUT we do demand to see Full Body shots (fully clothed) of Both M and F before there would ever be a meet. I wouldn't want to expect one thing and meet and find out its all wrong for my taste ya know

[The Fuse 1,012]

They might not be "worth looking at," but they must have something going on if they've got "hot looking ladies" on their arms. There's a direct correlation between the amount of money a guy makes and the likelihood that his face is pictured in a swingers profile. The reason is simple...a guy who makes $8.00/hr stocking shelves in Wal-Mart isn't risking much by putting his pic up on a swingers website. True, he could lose his job (especially at Wal-Mart) and he's probably living on a lot smaller margins, but he can get a similar-paying job at Home Depot if the need arises.

 

Professional people are different.

 

Most guys who are knocking down $100/$200K/yr don't have the luxury of being able to post their faces on a swingers website. It's as simple as that. It takes time to find those kinds of jobs, or to rise in an organization to that level of responsibility and income.

 

It's probably true that a guy making minimum wage can more easily find a similar job than a professional. I'm sure the same is also true of women though, so I don't see the above as explaining why so many profiles lack pictures of the man. Unless you think most of those couples have a woman who makes minimum wage and a man who makes six figures, which seems unlikely. Women have professional standings to protect as well. Many professional couples are both in high-powered jobs, but their profiles still show just pictures of her.

 

As far has "having something else going on", those guys might have money, but that is not going to do them as much good in swinging as it would in getting them a wife. I couldn't care less how much a swing partner makes. He's not paying my mortgage-- my husband and I are.

 

In fact, I would seriously question the judgement of anybody who would place their career in jeopardy just to post a more attractive profile on an alternate lifestyle website.

 

I agree with this. It floors me how many people have face pictures in their public profile. However, we are not just talking about careers. We're also talking about your family, friends and congregation finding out. In these arenas, due to double standards, the lady usually has a lot more to lose by being recognized. Sad, but true. So it's even more incredible that so many profiles don't show the man, but have full pictures of the woman with her face out there too. IMO, the unequal photo situation shows that there are other things at work here than work.

 

I've actually been involved in this lifestyle on an ongoing basis with 2 different women. The first time, we posted cropped, full-body shots of both of us. The second time, we posted body-shots of both, and face-pics of her (she wasn't working at the time). We had more-than-ample responses to our profile both times, although putting face pics on the second profile caused us slightly more drama than it was worth. Only once did we ever meet somebody who, upon seeing us in person, ran the other way.

 

God Bless 'em. They saved us the trouble of doing likewise.

 

Unfortunately, we still live in a society where what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms does have an effect on our professional careers. Professional people understand...the others, you can't explain it to.

 

Again, I say that protecting one's professional standing is important, but a woman has at least as much to lose, and more permanently, if her family and friends find out what she is doing. You can't replace the regard of your family. If necessary, we can replace even high-paying professional jobs.

 

I think the simple truth is that there are a lot of mis-matches out there, and also that many couples unconciously feel that it's more important what the woman looks like. Add to that, the natural inclination of men to be somewhat more visually stimulated than women, and the natural higher inclination of most women to do the "come hither" thing, and viola.

[BorisNatasha 63]

Our profile on AFF has 4 shots of Natasha (in various stages of undress or modeling our favorite lingerie) and 1 of me, full body nude (yes it has my dick in it, oh no!) but none of them show our faces. Then in our personal pictures section we have the same photos unedited/uncropped, along with plenty of G rated face pics and couples shots so people get a good idea that we are for real. Of course our personal pics only get seen by people we are interested in meeting, so they are very low circulation. But we think it's important for people to see us, boobs, dicks, and all so they know if our bodies are right for their tastes. It's just one more way to save some time if the other party isn't interested. We invest a lot into our lifestyle friends and would hate to spend all that time only to have somebody disappointed with what they saw when the clothes came off.

 

Why do we post more pics of Natasha? Well it's not because we're 'wife swappers'... it's because I'm always the one taking the pictures so there are less of me. In fact we had to take some specifically for the profile because we thought the ones we already had weren't good enough to put out there. But there are enough photos of me in our profile for someone to know whether they are interested in me or not at the physical level, so we think it's enough without having to go 50/50 on our photo spread.

 

We also don't post photos that are more than a year old, and try to post new ones every month or two. Besides, it's fun taking them.

 

I can understand why people get tired of the dick shots, pussy shots, etc. If that's all somebody has in their profile, we will pass. But as part of the whole profile we don't think it's a Bad Thing™.

 

We also tend to ignore profiles that don't include ANY photos of one or the other half of a couple. Doesn't have to be a face pic of course, but there has to be something. Otherwise the red flags go up. I am a professional and understand the concerns, but I feel that even if a person is a professional he/she can have a few cropped shots up on the profile - unless they have their name and address tattooed on their chest, it's pretty safe.

 

Boris

[JnCC 24]

I think the simple truth is that there are a lot of mis-matches out there, and also that many couples unconciously feel that it's more important what the woman looks like. Add to that, the natural inclination of men to be somewhat more visually stimulated than women, and the natural higher inclination of most women to do the "come hither" thing, and viola.

I agree with everything you said, except maybe the part about being able to replace the "high paying professional jobs." I live near a city that hosts a couple large companies that are often cited as being "good places to work." It's not unusual to meet middle-aged men and women who are employed there, who, after 20 years, make high-five or low-six figure salaries, despite the fact that they hold no post-graduate degrees or certifications. Their worth is primarily to that organization alone. When they leave "Poo & Goo," or "Cincinutti Bell" for whatever reason, they often leave those large salaries behind forever.

 

They can't ALL become Realtors...

 

Reading everything that's been posted on this subject, another thought comes to mind. That is..."How often, when the guy doesn't post his pic and it turns out that he's considerably older and/or less attractive than she is, has the woman been posed on or near an expensive toy such as a boat or airplane?" I've seen a few where it seemed the guy was, in effect, saying, "It doesn't matter what I look like. Look at what I have...a $200,000 boat, a $35,000 motorcycle, a 35-year-old wife with $7,000 tits..."

 

I'm a firm believer that most folks, when meeting somebody for the first time, tend to "lead with their best asset." If a guy feels that his best "personal" asset is his foxxy wife or shiny motorcycle, it would stand to reason that he'd feature them more prominently in their profile than himself.

[The Fuse 1,012]

I agree with everything you said, except maybe the part about being able to replace the "high paying professional jobs." I live near a city that hosts a couple large companies that are often cited as being "good places to work." It's not unusual to meet middle-aged men and women who are employed there, who, after 20 years, make high-five or low-six figure salaries, despite the fact that they hold no post-graduate degrees or certifications. Their worth is primarily to that organization alone. When they leave "Poo & Goo," or "Cincinutti Bell" for whatever reason, they often leave those large salaries behind forever.

 

They can't ALL become Realtors...

 

Funny comment about the realtors. They do seem to have grown in ranks.

 

I agree that it can be difficult...all cities and personal situations are different, and there's no use trying to address them all. What I don't see, and is relevant to this thread, is how that desire to protect one's job applies more to men than to women. I believe it doesn't, plain and simple, and that other factors are at work. Perhaps you agreed with that part of my post.

 

Reading everything that's been posted on this subject, another thought comes to mind. That is..."How often, when the guy doesn't post his pic and it turns out that he's considerably older and/or less attractive than she is, has the woman been posed on or near an expensive toy such as a boat or airplane?" I've seen a few where it seemed the guy was, in effect, saying, "It doesn't matter what I look like. Look at what I have...a $200,000 boat, a $35,000 motorcycle, a 35-year-old wife with $7,000 tits..."

 

I'm a firm believer that most folks, when meeting somebody for the first time, tend to "lead with their best asset." If a guy feels that his best "personal" asset is his foxxy wife or shiny motorcycle, it would stand to reason that he'd feature them more prominently in their profile than himself.

 

Well, he may think his boat would help him get a swing partner...but unless he is offering gifts in exchange for playtime with a woman who wouldn't otherwise find him attractive, just knowing he has a boat doesn't seem like an incentive. Gifts would be a bad incentive anyway. Probably at that point he's not looking for a swinger; he's looking for a moocher or a professional of a different sort. So they may try that strategy...I wish them luck, just not with me .

 

We deal at least twice a week with couples who email us and have no pictures of the guy. I handle all the email, and it's getting to be a real time sink. I am going to just send them one-liners from now on. "Sorry, not without multiple pictures of both of you".

[JnCC 24]

Well, he may think his boat would help him get a swing partner...but unless [the man] is offering gifts in exchange for playtime with a woman who wouldn't otherwise find him attractive, just knowing he has a boat doesn't seem like an incentive.

It isn't. Here again, I totally agree with you.

 

A few years ago (sometime after the invention of steam, but before the launching of the Queen Mary II) we went on a cruise that was marketed in part to the Florida online swinging community. I would guess there were about 60-70 couples in total, about a quarter of which were comprised of gentlemen in their late 50's and early 60's, and their obviously "trophy" wives. It was never clear to us who, exactly, they were there to party with. The younger couples felt as you do...that just because he's paying for her Lexus was no reason to hop into bed with him. Apparently there is a "subset" of older male/younger female swinging couples out there. I wouldn't know...we stayed pretty much with the couple we went with...which I now hate to admit, were probably 15 years younger than ourselves .

 

Damn! I guess it takes one to know one, huh?

 

Gifts would be a bad incentive anyway. Probably at that point he's not looking for a swinger; he's looking for a moocher or a professional of a different sort.

I've run into that at swing clubs also. One time, we actually got as far as a room before it became obvious to me that she was a pro. In fact, there are vestiges of "pay for play" and "wives for the evening...and a price" in the swinging community even now. The simple fact is that there are more guys who would like to be doing this than there are women. Anytime you have an imbalance between desire and opportunity like that, somebody's going to find a way to make some money off of it. Hedo II allows certain, select, local prostitutes onto the grounds for the benefit of single men who don't hook-up with couples. Three of our local swing clubs either permit, or outright employ, "dancers" to attend the club for the same reason. There's a cottage-industry of "swinging housewife/pay-for-porn" websites where guys pay outlandish monthly fees to become "members" in the hopes that someday, they'll be invited to a "REAL swingers party!"

 

I will say this...I do have some respect for those older male/younger female couples we were talking about. At least with them, it's all on the table. He knows he's getting some young pussy out of the deal, and she knows she's getting a Lexus.