signaling your partner

[lindyswing 15]

My husband and I will be going to a club (off-premises) for the first time tomorrow night. We are new to "organized" swinging, but we've had an open relationship for several years. In the swinging advice we've read on-line, there's often a recommendation for a couple to have non-verbal signals to indicate messages such as "I'm attracted to this couple," "I'm not attracted to this couple," "This person is bothering me--come rescue me," etc. Our dorky problem is that we haven't been able to come up with any usable gestures. Thus far, we've only managed to crack each other up by suggesting completely inappropriate gestures as jokes--the crazy gesture (twirling finger around ear), the intercourse gesture (poking finger in circled fingers), the gag me gesture (poking finger in mouth)--you get the idea. We have several questions:

Do you have non-verbal signals with your partner?

Do you think they're important?

What gestures/signals have you used and did they work well?

[couplehorny 15]

i have not swung yet but i have a couple of ideas. 1) put finger in ear like it itches--- i like this couple and want to have them 2)a 2 finger --wave at you get me away from this person 3) a fake sneeze--- i am interested in this person come meet them

[bamacouple 15]

Ah, the old "fake sneeze" signal trick.

[bear_and_babe 68]

Bear and I have a signal that we use that works for us. We call each other by a pet name, that sounds close enough to our real names. Like instead of calling him "Jim", I will say "Jimmy". That way no one knows that it is our signal, but we do, because I never call him that!

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

We've had hand signals, verbal phrases, you name it but we either forget in the excitement of the club atmosphere to use them or forget which one means what

 

After a recent total miscommunication about a couple at the club we decided that we will just always excuse ourselves and say we want to go dance to "this song" (whatever is playing). That way we can be out on the dance floor and talk a little to see if we are both on the same page about the couple or single that we are talking with. If we are we can go back and jump into a conversation again .... if not it's enough of a step away to just not get back into any major discussions with them. They ususally will go and dance when you do or stroll around and start talking to other people so it's not like you have left a wall flower sitting alone and never return.

 

We just found that keeping it simple was the best. Just find a way to excuse yourself so you can talk, be it to get another drink, dance, check the pool table because you were signed up to play and didn't know if you were up yet. If you want to get your spouse over to meet someone you've been talking to just tell them your going to find your spouse so they can meet him/her. It doesn't meet your going to have sex just that you like them enough to want to introduce your spouse to them. We've done that before and if it doesn't click then ......... "oh, I love this song lets go dance"

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[good times 991]

We have only one signal that we use for when it's not happening with a couple for one of us and we need to make a hasty retreat.......but I can't seem to remember what it is.

[meandher2go 17]

honey, do you want a bottled water? or honey can you get me a bottled water?

 

anything that has to do with bottled water, she or I know its a signal to move on.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Bear and I have a signal that we use that works for us. We call each other by a pet name, that sounds close enough to our real names. Like instead of calling him "Jim", I will say "Jimmy". That way no one knows that it is our signal, but we do, because I never call him that!

 

Ahhhh....I like it! We had a miscommunication lately too, so we've been looking for something to use. Hell, even I can remember that .

[northindycpl 32]

We use the term need and want.

 

I NEED a drink means it is a go with this couple. I WANT a drink means no way. It's also a great excuse to get up and go get that drink together and chat, especially when you really don't want them as a playmate.

 

We also, during play or before play will say, I need a ciggarette break, if one of us becomes unsure or uncomfortable. That is our signal to each other that we need to talk or firm up our boundaries or whatever before we continue.

 

Works like a charm for us.

[autumn528 16]

I jump on the bar(if there is one) and yell "whoo-hoo"!! She on the other hand blinks once for yes and twice for no.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

We use the term need and want.

 

I NEED a drink means it is a go with this couple. I WANT a drink means no way. It's also a great excuse to get up and go get that drink together and chat, especially when you really don't want them as a playmate.

 

We tried the NEED and WANT thing and neither of us could remember which meant what. One of us would say the phrase I Need/Want a drink and the other would stare and blink like a deer in headlights Then who ever started it would just say "Ah, come with me to get a drink" and we'd discuss the confusion on the way Could have been the alcohol or just dumb confusion on which codes mean what. I'm out to have fun I don't want to have to think that hard.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[mrs good times 73]

We were recently at a "vanilla" party and Mr. GT was sitting in a chair looking extremely bored. The host of the party pointed this out to me and asked if we were leaving soon. She then said that her and her husband have a code word for such situations which is "blue". They use the word "blue" in a sentance to signal they are ready to leave.

 

Amazing the things you can learn from your "vanilla" friends.

[bear_and_babe 68]

We tried the NEED and WANT thing and neither of us could remember which meant what. One of us would say the phrase I Need/Want a drink and the other would stare and blink like a deer in headlights Then who ever started it would just say "Ah, come with me to get a drink" and we'd discuss the confusion on the way Could have been the alcohol or just dumb confusion on which codes mean what. I'm out to have fun I don't want to have to think that hard.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

 

We tried this too, and we had the same problem. Could not remember what term was for what signal. And when there is loud music playing it gets even harder to hear what is being said. Then again, less alcohol might have helped too.

[WildMiCouple 325]

We tried the NEED and WANT thing and neither of us could remember which meant what. One of us would say the phrase I Need/Want a drink and the other would stare and blink like a deer in headlights Then who ever started it would just say "Ah, come with me to get a drink" and we'd discuss the confusion on the way Could have been the alcohol or just dumb confusion on which codes mean what. I'm out to have fun I don't want to have to think that hard.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

This sounds exactly like what would happen to us too. We don't have code words.....but if we did, we'd be effin' em up the first time we'd try and use them I can picture it now.....

Tammy......wanting to to talk to me.... "I want a drink, Hon :

Me "cool, I'll be right back"

I come back with drinks and a smile. "Here you go Tam". A more stern voice....."thank you for the drink I wanted" "You're welcome, Gorgeous" with me totally clueless

 

Naw......we just ask to dance and square things around. Don't know what we'd do if we we're in the room though and needed to talk Maybe just guide her to the bathroom

 

Brett (and Tammy)

[SoulmatesNky 15]

We usually keep things on a second date situation... so we cheat by talking alot after we meet people. We do have code words for when we are in the act though... if either of us are in act and use the "Oh, God" then it is a "Help, get 'em off me" and we either retreat or at least swap back.

 

Whatever you decide on, DO NOT whisper to your spouse in front of people. I hate that!!! If you need to talk just go off and do it, don't make me get all paronoid.

 

Soulmates

[WildMiCouple 325]

We do have code words for when we are in the act though... if either of us are in act and use the "Oh, God" then it is a "Help, get 'em off me" and we either retreat or at least swap back.

Soulmates

The "Oh, God" wouldn't work for us.....I'd just be ruining a good orgasm for Tammy Lord knows, getting him of her would be the last thing she'd want Then I'd have to put up with a woman with "attitude" who's orgasm I'd just ruined

 

Brett (and Tammy)

[Chicup 42]

Mrs Chicup has over a 150 I.Q.

 

Shes also totally obvilious to most signals. Shes the kind of person that if you try to give a signal too, she will look at you with a blank stare and then when you give it again say 'What!?' outloud.

 

Needless to say this doesn't work well

 

So while we set signals up, what I really do is the little head shake/roll eyes move when no one is looking. Its not the best but it beats her saying 'What!?'

[northindycpl 32]

We tried the NEED and WANT thing and neither of us could remember which meant what. One of us would say the phrase I Need/Want a drink and the other would stare and blink like a deer in headlights Then who ever started it would just say "Ah, come with me to get a drink" and we'd discuss the confusion on the way Could have been the alcohol or just dumb confusion on which codes mean what. I'm out to have fun I don't want to have to think that hard.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

 

We picked it up from you two glad to know it had such a success rate with y'all!

[northindycpl 32]

The "Oh, God" wouldn't work for us.....I'd just be ruining a good orgasm for Tammy Lord knows, getting him of her would be the last thing she'd want Then I'd have to put up with a woman with "attitude" who's orgasm I'd just ruined

 

Brett (and Tammy)

 

 

She'd kick your ass I bet! I can see it now!

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

We picked it up from you two glad to know it had such a success rate with y'all!

 

Oops Hope it worked for you

 

Glad to see though that we aren't the only ones who can screw this code word stuff up. It's just easier like WildMiCouple said .... get out on the dance floor and talk there

 

Mrs Spoomonkey