When things get out of control......

[videocouple75 15]

We were at a club last weekend. We were in the hot tub and there were lots of other couples in there as well. My wife started dancing (nude). Another female decided to join her. Well, before you know, they are kissing and sucking each other's nipples and going at it. They moved over to the steps and kept up the action. Well another female that we know came over and joined in on my wife as well. It was very hot, but I guess it was a little too hot because alot of other people just thought that it was ok to just help themselves to some feeling and kissing. They were single males.

 

I eventually had to break it up because more and more people were making their way over. It could have easily gotten out of control. Maybe I'm a party pooper but I didn't see anyone else offering up there wives for something like that. I mean, what goes through a guy's brain that just because these women are playing in an open forum that it's an open invitation for anyone.

 

I guess it's the same with the meeting sites. We state specifically in our profile that pics are required in order to chat. I must answer about 10 emails per day without pics. These people for some reason believe that just because a woman is in the lifestyle, that she is desperately seeking any sex that she can get.

 

But back to the club....I know I did the right thing but some people acted like I committed a crime or something.

[jennandjamesinm 87]

I think you did the right thing. Just because your wife and the other women were playing doesn't give anyone the right to cop a feel or more. I wouldn't worry too much aboutthe people at the club, if they continue to respond like that - maybe its time for a new club where folks respect boundaries.

 

Jenn

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I mean, what goes through a guy's brain

If it is anything like a bug hitting your windshield it is probably his ass.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

Heck no, you didn't commit a crime. We've also been in situations where people think it's ok to just join in and cop a feel. You absolutely did the right thing and if others think you did something wrong....screw them...or, don't screw them..... I think those that objected were just upset that the show was over.

 

Pepper

[Chicup 41]

And people wonder why so many clubs don't allow single males.

 

No you did the right thing, find a new club.

[biblonde 22]

You did the right thing. Personally I would expect my hubby to step up and say something if others felt the need to push themselves in the mix. Some people think that if women are playing that is an invite to everyone..Most of us like to be asked if extras can join in and not just get felt up by everyone walking by. We should have the choice of who is touching us and if someone crosses that line my hubby would step in and do exactly what you did. If other didnt like it TOOO BADDDD....it is a simple thing called respect!! Be proud of what you did and I bet your wife is extreamly proud of you also!!

[BorisNatasha 63]

Does this sort of thing happen often at clubs? Or are these stories the rare exception? I am very concerned about somebody jumping in and doing something that freaks Natasha out just as we are getting comfortable with the idea of this lifestyle.

[Vespertine 31]

Be proud of what you did and I bet your wife is extreamly proud of you also!!

Dito

 

You did the right thing.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

Something similar happened to us recently. Mrs two4you and a lady friend were having fun and putting on quite the show, when a guy decided to jump in and start sucking on Mrs two4you's breast.

 

He wasn't invited, and wasn't needed, as they were doing quite well on their own.

 

It took a couple seconds for me to process what was going on. Obviously the ladies were not interested in his participation. I discreetly leaned over and said "Dude, they don't want you in the mix". He looked up, and said "Oh, uh, Ok", and moved on.

 

Ours is a couples only club, and it was obvious he came with a ticket. It was his first and last time there.

 

So, yes, you did the right thing!

[VegasLee 1,486]

You did the right thing. We deal with 800 to 1000 people each week at the club. Once in awhile this happens and a stop has to be put to it.

 

We personally stop it when the first uninvited person joins in. Not all the action, just the "extra" that was not invited. In this case it would have been when the extra women joined in without asking and also any men that joined in.

 

Anyone else notice that no one is saying anything about the uninvited third women that joined in but jumping up over the men?

 

Something else we find, many times it is the "married" men that feel they have the right to jump in because "they brought something to the party" as I have been told by a couple of them as they where asked to leave.

 

When we party, the women have to follow the rules as everyone else. If you are not invited, you don't join in.

[BodyScape02 21]

Vegas, I like your stance on this one. Indeed, everyone should follow the rules. Women have been getting a nod and wink when they jump into a situation. That may be because so many of us desire them to do so. I think the reason the men are singled out so much is because they seem to be the main perpetrators in these situations.

 

Someone else asked if this is the sort of thing that happens a lot at clubs. At the one we go to it is NOT the norm but it can happen. For instance, there are playrooms that have doors to provide privacy. The clubs policy s that if a door is closed only STAFF may knock on it and NO ONE is to open it unless invited by the occupants. Occasionally single men, some of whom may have drunk too much, open those closed doors and walk in. We’ve had it happen to us on one occasion.

 

That is only ONCE in attending off and on for about 2 years or so. So, no, it’s not a normal thing, just something to be aware of.

[txduo2000 18]

I don't think it's a "normal" thing to be terribly concerned with happening. I think it is rare, indeed. We go to off-premise clubs, as well as on-premise clubs and we have only had one instance where something like this occurred to us personally and it wasn't that big a deal. You definitely have to be able to be confrontive enough that if it does happen, you won't have any question about whether you are within your rights so to speak to interrupt and let them know their attentions are unwanted.

 

A couple weeks ago we went to an off-premise club. It was off-premise, however, they did have a VIP room where activity could take place if desired. Some of you may be familiar with these types of clubs ... they have a "vice" light that they switch on if the cops are in the vicinity ... lol.

 

Anyway, hubby and I were playing in the VIP room together and a single guy walked over and was watching ... that's fine, I am all for putting on a show. Then he started touching me ... I am not sure if he asked my husband first, but I do know that as he started touching me more freely, I asked my husband if he was ok with it. Hubby said it was fine as long as I was ok with it. But I know that if hubby had not wanted it from the get-go, he definitely would have told the guy to step off.

 

You just have to NOT be afraid to establish and stick to your boundaries. There's always a chance that someone will think it's a free-for-all, though in our experience it's not all that common.

[marriedwet 34]

HI Folks,

 

We belong to several clubs and ALL have this motto for all to use.

 

And, believe us, it is strictly enforced. If someone approaches you & you are not really interested....first...they should ask you if them may join in.

Second...when you want a way out...we say--- "No thank you, but thank you for asking." Try that next time.

[good times 991]

How common this is seems to vary from club to club and your experiance will most likely vary. We go to several clubs, all on premise. Most of the clubs we have been to this isn't much of a problem, but at our favorite club this is very common and we have run into it quite often. Vegas Lee also said something that we have found to be true to, we have noticed that members of couples, both female and male can be more forward and do things without asking sometimes than some of the single males. The best response is a firm no and if that doesn't work let the management know as all clubs we have been to have rules in place that require someone to ask before touching. Usually, if you tell someone to stop they do so right away. In the almost three years we have been going to clubs we have only had to refer someone to the club management once, and they were promptly shown the door.

[Pepper & Drew 384]

VegasLee said:

When we party, the women have to follow the rules as everyone else. If you are not invited, you don't join in.

 

Yep, I've seen women get embarrassed for joining in uninvited too.

 

This one time, at porn camp, (sorry, see this thread) a couple of ladies were getting as involved as you can at an off-premises party and a third lady joins in. The other two stopped and one woman said some pretty disparaging words to Third. Third lady's husband gets all huffy (completely not acknowledging the fact that his wife jumped in uninvited) and swinger drama ensues . It's not just men. Sometimes I think the women are worse.

 

Pepper

[txduo2000 18]

Pepper & Drew said:

This one time, at porn camp, (sorry, see this thread)

 

I read that thread a few days ago ... had me in stitches! LOL

 

Were you just staring at her with a WTF look all night long????? I would have been!!!

[BodyScape02 21]

Not to be rude... but I thought that when you are playing in the public areas... that means ... please watch or please join in?

 

In which case someone could come over and either touch and ask "would you like it if I licked your nipples?", or " may I join in?" or make eye contact and see if it is ok..etc... and increase the number of the party.

 

Inversely if you are in a room and the door is shut...it is a private party.

 

AmI wrong?

 

I don't like the public areas just for that reason...the potential for things to get out of control and end up in a free for all gang bang that you didn't want in the first place.

 

I know what it is like to get all up in the heat of passion when there is no room...and we have quit just because of the crowd of creepy single guys that just seems to materialize when you open your eyes. I always get the feeling I am going to be dropped in on so to speak, by people I never wanted to, or ever intend to be with.

 

I see those few guys at the clubs who wait until late and women are a bit too tipsy to be fully in control of thier situation.. they seem to wait for that and then lurk and nibble like hyenas at a lion kill. ( ugly analogy but valid)

 

It is one of the reasons I am wary of how much I drink and thankful that Mr. Body is always there and has my back ( and my front, and my middle and anything else he wants...lol)

 

That is what great hubbies do...protect thier wives...so yes ...thank you for letting her have fun...and protecting her too. Right thing to do

 

~Cat

[good times 991]

Not to be rude... but I thought that when you are playing in the public areas... that means ... please watch or please join in?

 

In which case someone could come over and either touch and ask "would you like it if I licked your nipples?", or " may I join in?" or make eye contact and see if it is ok..etc... and increase the number of the party.

 

Inversely if you are in a room and the door is shut...it is a private party.

 

AmI wrong?

 

It kind of depends on the club I guess, for instance the clubs we have attended have open play rooms and don't have private party rooms. But it is a pretty much a universal rule that you don't touch unless you ask and get permission first.

[txduo2000 18]

Again, it does depend on the kind of club/party you attend. If you are at an off-premise club or swingers dance club, then everyone is in a common area like any nightclub, and people tend to get a little grabby on the dance floor, but typically you can turn away or move to another part and they will kind of get the hint that you aren't interested.

 

SOME of the off-premise clubs have VIP rooms, and yes sometimes people will approach. It's kind of a group setting, after all, but I do believe that people should ask before they just jump right in with you. And that has happened to us. People have come over, asked to join in, and that's fine with us. After all, it's kind of in the atmosphere.

 

Conversely, there are the on-premise house parties where different types of rooms are offered. We typically play in the group room because we like group sex, so we are not offended if others want to join in. We do appreciate them asking first, though, and that's always how it has happened. But we do feel that we place ourselves in the group room and so we have to deal with whatever happens. There were a couple instances where someone tried to join in, asked my husband who would have given his ok, but I didn't want them to, so he told them no.

 

So, no, BodyScape, I don't think you are wrong in what you are assuming about the different types of settings. I think that people who absolutely are against others joining in should limit their activities to semi-private or private play areas if they are available. In the heat of the moment, in a group room, it's difficult to lay out your preferences and boundaries to those that are wandering into the action.

[VegasLee 1,486]

We have a group room at the club and we also play in public area's of the club a great deal.

 

The rule at the club and anywhere else we have ever been including house parties is you don't join in or touch without asking.

 

Just because you are in a group room does not mean everyone has permission to touch or play with you. Watching fine, touching no.

[Carol_Danny 17]

A lot of this is dependent on the club in question, and what the expected and allowed attitudes are. Some clubs have rules, which are respected, and touching only with consent. Other clubs have a more "anything-goes" attitude, and free-style groping is the norm. You can really get a feel for the type of people and the allowed behaviors in a very short time.

 

We go to different clubs depending on our feeling that particular day. Sometimes we just want to meet others, and have some quiet fun, other times we want and welcome the free-for-all concept. There really is no bad or good in all this, it's just what you want and expect.

 

Keep in mind that different clubs have different concepts on what is acceptable. Some on-premises places have large group rooms where just entering is deemed as consent to touch and do as you like. Others have policies on being invited in first. People sometimes go from one club to another, and do get confused at to what is permissible,

[L&R 20]

You did the right thing. We deal with 800 to 1000 people each week at the club. Once in awhile this happens and a stop has to be put to it.

 

We personally stop it when the first uninvited person joins in. Not all the action, just the "extra" that was not invited. In this case it would have been when the extra women joined in without asking and also any men that joined in.

 

Anyone else notice that no one is saying anything about the uninvited third women that joined in but jumping up over the men?

 

Something else we find, many times it is the "married" men that feel they have the right to jump in because "they brought something to the party" as I have been told by a couple of them as they where asked to leave.

 

When we party, the women have to follow the rules as everyone else. If you are not invited, you don't join in.

 

I Love this guy's posts- agree with almost all his writing. I'm not "old school" but I did start in the "lifestlye" pre-internet. It was a lot different then, and I don't enjoy where it's gone...and going.

 

That being said, Yes you did the right thing, but you shouldn't have had too- where was SECURITY! Who let the Dogs out? I mean, usually those "single" guys are chained up to a post somewhere, right? Just Kidding. But really, does that club require "arm bands" to identify the "singles" . Were they questioned afterword? Many "hubbies" don't wear Rings.

[Carol_Danny 17]

I think I have had very different experiences over the years than a lot of people here. I read posts, and the total opposite is true for me

 

I rarely have problems with the single guys at clubs. They tend to show more respect and restraint when compared to their married counterparts. The only real problems with men I have had at clubs has always been with the married ones! So many have the attitude of, You Swing, I Swing, So Let's Swing! Many times just grabbing without asking for any consent whatsoever. At least most single guys will signal their intentions and wait for a response.

 

If we are at a club and it is open to singles that night, I really do not care who is single and who is married. That is just not part of my selection process. If I did not want to play with single men, I just would not go that night.

 

Carol xoxoxo

[L&R 20]

I think I have had very different experiences over the years than a lot of people here. I read posts, and the total opposite is true for me

 

I rarely have problems with the single guys at clubs. They tend to show more respect and restraint when compared to their married counterparts. The only real problems with men I have had at clubs has always been with the married ones! So many have the attitude of, You Swing, I Swing, So Let's Swing! Many times just grabbing without asking for any consent whatsoever. At least most single guys will signal their intentions and wait for a response.

 

If we are at a club and it is open to singles that night, I really do not care who is single and who is married. That is just not part of my selection process. If I did not want to play with single men, I just would not go that night.

 

Carol xoxoxo

 

LOL....yeah it's called INTIMIDATION the "single guys" are like playing around in a MINEFIELD and they know it! Usually it's the married guys that "roam" around the private parts of the club...if security catches them , it's usually-" I'm looking for my wife, I know she's around here--somewhere." About the best a single guy could say, is my couple walked me in here and split after we played and didn't "walk" me out "(to the social area). He could try--"I'm looking for the restroom."

[shandale05 15]

I mean, what goes through a guy's brain that just because these women are playing in an open forum that it's an open invitation for anyone.

 

I know I did the right thing but some people acted like I committed a crime or something.

 

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing!! That happened to me before and it really put us off from going to parties for a while. We moved slowly to get back into it, but I'm always more guarded. Kudos to you!

[Ed & Bunny 160]

I think you did the right thing. Just because your wife and the other women were playing doesn't give anyone the right to cop a feel or more. I wouldn't worry too much aboutthe people at the club, if they continue to respond like that - maybe its time for a new club where folks respect boundaries.

 

Jenn

 

 

At our club last weekend we were watching a gal get some toy pleasure. Bunny thought she might need some breast stimulation from to help. But we asked before doing anything, and I didnt touch her till I got her permision. Its simple respect. And we hate to see when others take advantage of situations. Like Drunk females, but that is another story.

[lovinher 505]

The last time we were at a club it had the no touching rule also. But if you were out on the dance floor, everybody was game it seemed. It was for that reasons we stayed off. So in this club anyway, if you don't want to touched, forget about dancing. There may be a rule but if nobody objects you can throw it out the window. From what I saw it was couples, not single men. In fact, the woman were way more aggressive than any man in the place.

I can see how somebody would be confused as to what is acceptable when some people care or encourage it, and some don't.

[SCcpl40 74]

We were at a club last weekend. We were in the hot tub and there were lots of other couples in there as well. My wife started dancing (nude). Another female decided to join her. Well, before you know, they are kissing and sucking each other's nipples and going at it. They moved over to the steps and kept up the action. Well another female that we know came over and joined in on my wife as well. It was very hot, but I guess it was a little too hot because a lot of other people just thought that it was ok to just help themselves to some feeling and kissing. They were single males.

 

I eventually had to break it up because more and more people were making their way over. It could have easily gotten out of control. .

 

Since your wife initiated the open display and didn't mind additional people joining in, it was only YOUR objection to the single males that YOU perceived things to be getting out of hand. People don't come with profiles above their head, and no one knows what "rules" you have unless you've conveyed them.

 

We've been to the on and off type clubs. Unless we're at a house party with couples we know, we don't place ourselves where things might be perceived OK.

 

Don't get us wrong, if you're uncomfortable, by all means, you should stop the progression of any situation.

It would have been nice to hear your wife's perspective on being the center of all the attention.

[sweet_tna 680]

If your wife or you were uncomfortable with what happened, then you absolutely did the right thing.

 

=)