Hurting and Confused - Male in threesome forced anal

[arcpl4mfm 15]

OK, here is the situation....

 

We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big surprise until while we were having sex, he initiated anal sex with me, without permission if you get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again. So I got up and went to the bathroom and stayed there till he left. My hubby had no idea what had happened, just thought that maybe he had gotten a little too rough. When he came into the bathroom I was crying and he wanted to go rip this guys head off. Of course I told him not too, but now that I am ripped all to Hades and so very sore, I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.

 

Anyway, he had the nerve to call this morning and act like nothing had happened. My hubby asked him what the hell he was thinking and the guy said that he was sorry and that he was just excited and not thinking. I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.

 

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happened to anyone else and if this is why most couples don't play with single guys?

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.

 

I really don't want to be accused of being the morality police, but I do have a question to ask here...

 

And the only reason I do is because it may be a bit of an insight into the type of guy he is.

 

I assume he is married - does his wife know that he is playing with you guys? The reason I ask is that if he is a cheater, then his honesty and character is suspect. If he is a cheater than your assessment of him being a "pig" is probably right on the mark - but you knew that when you invited him into your bedroom.

 

If he is not a cheater - and you guys had his wife's blessing... Well, he is still obviously a pig; disrespectful and a complete ass.

 

What he did was horrible and I would have been just like your husband - I would have wanted to rip his head off.

 

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

 

This is why most couples play with SINGLE guys... This is why most couples are very cautious and picky about the character of the singles that they choose... This guy was not a single - he was simply alone - for whatever reason.

 

I can't speak for his character, because I do not know if he was cheating or had permission, but I can say that it is guys like this who make it tough on everyone.

 

Spoomonkey

 

PS - Please note, this is written from the "angry husband" perspective. Mrs Spoomonkey is posting right behind me and, knowing what she is going to post, I agree with her. It is NOT your fault.

[arcpl4mfm 15]

The wife of this guy does not know what he was doing and I know that is wrong. I have issues with that as well, but we played with him before he got married as well and he never tried anything like this. And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.

You do only what you want to do. Nothing more. End of discussion.

 

What he did was just plain fucked up, wrong, and deserving of an ass whipping.

 

We don't want to play with anyone that gets "too excited" and "doesn't think". I get excited when we play, but I still have enough sense to not play ramrod where it's not wanted and especially without lubrication.

 

In retrospect, did you see any red flags prior to playing? Don't feel bad if you didn't, because there may not have been any. But, it's worth looking back at in order to help you avoid such a prick in the future.

 

And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

I would suspect his title can now be changed to "former friend of the hubbys".

 

And for further reassurance, Spoo is right, This is NOT your fault.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

 

First let me tell you not to let this guy make you feel like a slut or that you did anything wrong!!!! I recently had the male of a couple do something to me (yes he/they are on our no talk, no play list now) that made me feel dirty/used ...... and it's hard but they are the ones that are in the wrong not you or me. He is an ass and quite frankly needs a sign around his neck stating such so everyone else is warned not to play with him.

 

I am a little confused as to his status. You say here that you think he is wanting to do things that his wife won't let him do and then you ask why couples don't play with singles Which is he married playing alone or a single? I won't address that right here there are plenty of threads on married's playing alone and I don't know if he had his wife's permission.

 

The real issue here is what he did to you.... single or married it was WRONG! I don't care if it's a new guy or one you have played with a couple of times (as you stated) unless you gave him permission or he asked about it first he had no right to do what he did to you. If it had been me I have to say he wouldn't have gotten as kind a response as you gave this guy. I tend to swing (as in my arm and fist) with various WTF to you think your doing and get the F off before anything else. At that point Mr Spoo would have realized what was going on and ....... well if he was able to walk out the door after that, he would have known for certain that not only would there never be play again..... we wouldn't even want to run into him on the street!!

 

Sound harsh? I don't think so. We swing to have fun, and to meet people for sex and friendship. I respect myself and Mr Spoo respects and protects me. No one has a right just because I have chosen to have sex with them to treat me any other way than with the utmost respect. This guy is a selfish ass and if he is married I feel sorry for his wife because it expresses how he must treat her. If he's single......he probably doesn't get many repeat dates from single women!!

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Chicup 42]

The wife of this guy does not know what he was doing and I know that is wrong. I have issues with that as well, but we played with him before he got married as well and he never tried anything like this. And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

 

Karma is a bitch sometimes. This guy doesn't respect his wife, why should he respect you? Character matters in all things and he wanted to do you anal, you said no, and he didn't care, its about him after all not you. Most swinger males have a GREAT deal of respect for the womans wants, and the few times I've been told not do do something or do something different, I just do what she wants because for me, its about her. This is especially true in a MFM.

[EmpyreanPleasur 18]

This guy doesn't respect his wife, why should he respect you?

 

That says it in a nutshell!

 

This man is a pig. Hell, if my own husband did that to me I'd come up swinging. Let alone the lack of respect that he showed by doing it a second time. Anal isn't something you "just loose control over" as you well know it can be damaging if it's not done right.

 

ANYTHING that you do not want to do should not be done. Anyone who is selfish or immature enough to "lose control" doesn't belong in the lifestyle. I can't even imagine what my husband would have done to anyone in this situation so your husband's anger at this guy is well within reason!

 

 

I think this has nothing to do with him being a single man, married playing apart or even married playing together - this guy would likely be this thoughtless and crude no matter what his play status was. However, everyone has a good point about the character of a man who is playing without his wifes knowledge and what it says about him. Still this does not mean it's YOUR fault or anything you did wrong. It's just something to think about - live and learn!

 

I also can't believe he didn't realize how upset you were that you had to go into the bathroom and refuse to come out until he left! He knew! Just like he knew he had hurt you the first time he did it. I hope you both seriously reconsider this person's friendship as his character is strongly suspect in many ways now.

 

As for yourself...you and your husband need to talk through what happened, explore your feelings and when you are ready move on from this. This is NOT what the lifestyle is like.

 

I wanted to add that YOU my dear are a wonderful loving person who is sharing something special in an obviously loving and strong relationship. Do NOT let what happened in any way make you feel belittled or dirty. I know it is difficult not to but keep reminding yourself that YOU did nothing wrong and he was responsible for this situation!

[L&R 20]

OK, here is the situation....

We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again. So I got up and went to the bathroom and stayed there till he left. My hubby had no idea what had happened, just thought that maybe he had gotten a little too rough. When he came into the bathroom I ws crying and he wanted to go rip this guys head off. Of course I told him not too, but now that I am ripped all to hades and so very sore, I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.

Anyway, he had the nerve to call this morning and act like nothing had happened. My hubby asked him what the hell he was thinking and the guy said that he was sorry and that he was just excited and not thinking. I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

 

 

 

I just want to know, where was your husband? was he n the same room? same bed? was he asleep? The second he heard you say "stop" or "that hurts" he should have removed that prick and in no uncertain terms informed him ""playtime" was over...you can go home now."

[intuition897 2,179]

Man, I'm with Empyrean! ANYbody tries that kind of BS with me and they're gonna be either missing some tender body parts, or rubbing their tender swollen asshole after I dig out the heavy artillery. [in best subtitled-Ninja-movie voice] "Your puny penis is no match for my...MONSTER DONG!! Hahahaha!" Let's see how HE likes it...

 

I think you were bang on with your theory that he wanted to turn you into the slut he can't envision his wife being. While there's nothing wrong with a woman being the sexually voracious creatures that she is, there is NO call for anyone to disrespect her for that! His shit-head attitude speaks volumes about his general view of and lack of respect for women. The "I wasn't thinking/I was out of control" excuse is just that: a lame-ass excuse and leads me to believe that his wife didn't know. He has a habit of sneaking, hiding and saying "Not my fault!" when he is caught. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. You were abused. It happened. And there's no erasing it. My only suggestions would be to, of course, DITCH him, and then just work on learning all you can from this wretched experience. Be more careful in choosing your partners in the future. Take care of yourself, ok? This is NOT your fault.

[chastityrings 15]

"Your puny penis is no match for my...MONSTER DONG!! Hahahaha!" Let's see how HE likes it...

 

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

I got the visual,and by the way it sounds like just what he deserves!!!

[pumpkins1970 17]

This is Mr. Pumpkin checking in, in our profile and before we play, we clearly state NO ANAL. If the other male(we don't play with single males to begin with) had even started that, I would have ripped his head off, no questions or excuses, you break one of our rules and thats it! Yes, you are correct, the other male is a pig and I think your husband would be justified in slugging the guy in the least. You are not a dirty slut, you are the victim of a pig,( ASSHOLE in my book) it is a shame you feel bad about yourself for what he did to you, its not your fault my dear, I hope this helps you feel better about yourself, take care -XOXO.

[wiscpl 22]

He should have gotten the hint the first time, and even that was more than he should have done. In our experience going there takes special permission for anyone. Anytime you go there a lubrication should be used otherwise serious injury could occur.

 

If someone were to try this with mrs. wiscpl he'd be walking out with a limp, if he could still walk. Of course that's after he became a eunich.

[BodyScape02 21]

OK, here is the situation....

. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything.

.....

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

 

 

Ah YES, I know and feel your pain (that is on another thread that I will send you a private pm to)... and it is the reason we will never play with THAT single man again...and why next time I see the creep (or if someone else makes the same mistake as to Sodomize me)... which I pray there is not... I will ask Mr. Body to please beat the crap out of him... or hold him down so I can.

 

I find your "signature" rather ironic in this case... yes I know... OUCH!

 

~Cat of Bodyscape02

[BodyScape02 21]

BTW...don't feel bad about running and hiding either... I did too... I am not sure too many people realize the shock your in and how very much it hurts... you do just want to run and hide in a little corner....and cry... you especially can't really deal with the perpetrator when you are in that kind of shock... you just know ... you don't want him any were near you!

 

yeah I am all big and bold and I would kick the crap out of him now...but when it happend... I ran and hid and hurt.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

The wife of this guy does not know what he was doing and I know that is wrong. I have issues with that as well, but we played with him before he got married as well and he never tried anything like this. And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

 

Way to much drama for us. If his wife finds out...there could be serious ramifications for all involved. We don't condone cheating for whatever reason. The fact that an individual is cheating for us presents a red flag to their character. To demean the one you care for in our book implies you don't have respect for others as well.

 

As for the sodomy...sever ties with this sick bastard. If during the heat of the moment you pull out and end up there that can be overlooked as an honest mistake. But to go back there again, that's a crime.

[curiouscouple4f 17]

As for the sodomy...sever ties with this sick bastard. If during the heat of the moment you pull out and end up there that can be overlooked as an honest mistake. But to go back there again, that's a crime.

 

This bordered very close to attempted rape, if you say NO! then any pressure or attempt against your wishes is rape! anal or not! I am a woman who was unfortunate enough to be raped, by a person I had been dating for a long time. NO MEANS NO NO exceptions. My husband would have dismembered him on the spot. I don't blame you for running and hiding, it was very easy to say that I would fight if anyone messes with me, but when it happened I just wanted to curl up and hide. It took me a long time to deal with it, and I must agree with everyone who has said THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT Don't deal with him anymore. I feel sorry for his wife/girlfriend, this guys is an asshole.

 

"The Mrs."

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

One you are not a slut, two you did the right thing ... what you & your husband do next is up to you but I would read and take in what everybody has said.

 

Rule #1 is "NO" means just that NO DO NOT DO THAT or "STOP" means stop. There have been situations where events do get carried away but because we do know each other we understand and respect everybody.

 

I/we never swing with "singles" who are married, we have had situations where usually the husband wants to join us, but the wife does not know about it and yes vice versa. That is rule #2.

 

Occasionally we have gone to swinger clubs and hooked up with people on line and unfortunately the experiences have not always been that great. This is why we only swing with "COUPLES" that we know.

 

A couple of years ago a bunch of us went to Hedonism III, while we had fun, with lots of sex, games and drinking I did have an unfortunate experience where a group of guys thought they could have there way with me. Part of it was my fault as they had witness me in a foursome with three men from our group. The three strangers simply thought that I would do it with them to. Yes it did turn ugly.

 

My advise, if you still enjoy swinging, do it with a couple, besides having another woman around is nice ... and fun!

[JnCC 24]

You've played with this guy before. The question seems to be "What happened this time, and why did it happen?" The problem with answering that is that only you know the guy involved, and even you're not sure why he did what he did. But I did pick up on a few things from your SLS profile that could lead a person to misinterpret your interests and desires.

 

"He would love to watch her be gang-banged"

To some guys, a GB implys the total, complete objectification of the female. It's an act in which her body is to be used solely for their pleasure, and vice-versa. It also describes the attitude of a "slut" towards sex. If your male-friend thinks that this is what you want, then it's understandable why you'd feel he treated you like a slut. He probably thought he was doing you a favor.

 

(BTW, the above definition of a GB is what I always thought it meant, until I read the numerous posts on the subject in another thread. I was wrong. Apparently, to many couples, it can also mean a group of carefully chosen males. Make sure your profile is clear on what it means to you)

 

"Also thinking about trying DP"

Again, some guys are going to read that as an invitation to "use the back door" at will. There IS such a thing as "too much information" in a profile. Things that you may be "thinking about" become "agendas" to the people who read your profile.

 

A couple other thoughts occur to me here;

 

1) The fact that he's this rough with you probably explains why "his wife wont let him do [anal sex] with her" either.

 

2) There IS such a thing as "bedroom mishaps caused by friendly fire" When it's dark, you're with somebody you don't know well, and the action gets hot and heavy, it IS possible to get your "aiming coordinates" mixed up. It would be nice it it never happened, but it does.

 

3) For the same reasons, in some situations it's possible for a man to be in the "wrong" place and not know that he is. However, because you said this was very painful to you, I doubt he was just "confused" about where his dick was.

 

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

Couples don't play with single guys because for most of them, sex is a male/female, "Yin/Yang" sort of thing...it takes equal parts of both. Adding another "Yin" without a corresponding "Yang" throws everything off balance. Even if the "Yin" is nice, polite, "respects all limits," and has a big dick, it still throws things off balance. Most single guys have NO concept of that, and think that they're not accepted by the swinging community because of guys like the one you described. It's not the only thing they have no concept of.

[good times 991]

I agree with what the others had said here, and you did nothing wrong.

 

If this had happened to Mrs. GT I can tell you that after she got through showing him the error in his ways, I would follow up and beat or break any of the SOB's body parts she missed.

[Carol_Danny 17]

We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again.

 

When you told him to stop, did you specifically mention the anal sex, or just the rough sex in general? Did you have anal sex in the past? (That wasn't mentioned) Did he truly understand what he did wrong before he attempted anal for the second time?

 

I just like to understand situations before I comment on them. I know that the consensus is "damn ignorant single guy showing no respect", but I can't say that, not knowing the history of your relationship, and the way you have played in the past. If he did try and take untoward advantage of the situation, you should have stopped it right then and there, and not go any further.

 

 

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

 

We have had guys go a bit further than they should have, and a quick talk usually sets them straight. We usually discuss limits before we even start, so that there is no ambiguity in what may happen and what is acceptable.

 

But this is not the reason most couples don't play with single men, that's a whole other kettle of fish

 

Danny & Carol

[starlinn 17]

I have to agree with most everyone that posted here. I do not agree there is any reason for it to happen. You gave him a chance the first time, (some would not have), and since you had swung with him before, I am sure that he knew his limits. I have a fantasy to have DP, but, when it came down to it, and I was not confortable with it, should someone keep trying, they are stepping over the limit! I also think that a woman knows when a "direct hit to the south" and "misjudgement in aim" happens. I am sending you a virtual hug for what you have went through. I hope that you will reconsider meeting and swinging with him again.

Truely, is this a direct attack against single males? I dont think so. Any male, single or married, could have done the same thing. Women also. I am sure there are things that males don't like done to them. I think it is about stepping over the limits.

[tribbles 490]

My first thought is not to beat him up....but to grab a dildo and show him the error of his ways...no lube, of course, and without asking.

 

Fair is fair, right?

 

(and it can't be any more illegal than what he did...where as beating him up CAN lead to legal crud).

[BodyScape02 21]

My first thought is not to beat him up....but to grab a dildo and show him the error of his ways...no lube, of course, and without asking.

 

Fair is fair, right?

 

(and it can't be any more illegal than what he did...where as beating him up CAN lead to legal crud).

 

 

WOW and you guys think I'm harsh...lol...OUCH!

[Tempest419 15]

I just wanted to thank you and Body and everyone else who posted here with their thoughts... first, I'm probably going to change some wording on my profile! Second, even though our "single guy" was so nice, respectful, etc we will still be having (which I was planning on anyway) a repetitively frank conversation on the rules and what he is and is not allowed to do--and the possible consequences of... I am also glad Husband is much bigger than him anyway and there is no "friendship" to complicate things from beating his ass straight out the door!

 

I'm so so sorry this ever happened, but so thankful for all of your openness on your own experiences. I hope that part of your healing includes remembering that by sharing your pain, you are helping so many others!

 

Tempest

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

Again, some guys are going to read that as an invitation to "use the back door" at will. There IS such a thing as "too much information" in a profile. Things that you may be "thinking about" become "agendas" to the people who read your profile.

 

I think a lot of couples (and I've seen singles do it too) put their "fantasies" in their profile. Or things they would like to "try". That doesn't mean you can assume if you get invited to play that you can just initiate that fantasy.

 

We usually talk to couples and singles before play and discuss what everyone likes and doesn't like. And, although DP is something that is out there for a someday maybe thing it doesn't mean we're going to do it ever.

 

If she has this in her profile and he was interested in being the one to help her fantasy happen then it should have been discussed. Assuming if that is something she is interested in she may not have had anal sex before and even if she had it's not something that you just jump in and do. There needs to be some preparation (lube!!) and easing going at first.

 

Also, regardless of the meaning of a gang bang and her interest in trying it, doesn't give him the right to "assume" anything. If I want to be treated like a "slut" I'll tell my playmate before hand and what I mean by that.

 

So back to the original issue..... this guy is lucky he was able to "walk" out of the house!!

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[curiousagain 326]

arcpl4mfm, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you and I think you've gotten some good advice from a lot of different angles here.

 

What can I add? Irregardless of marital status or any of the other issues here, the guy was intentionally or unintentionally doing wrong. He doesn't have the self control to have sex much less swing.

 

OK, MY rant will commence now.

 

HOW MANY EFFIN' TIMES DOES THIS HAVE TO BE EFFIN' REPEATED??? The female has to feel safe and secure to enjoy herself and if she isn't enjoying herself, bucko, we ain't gonna enjoy ourselves understand????

 

This guy isn't/wasn't a "single male" and I really wish everybody would stop referring to him as such.

 

He's a male, period. OK, guys of all marital/swing status, think about it. You're about to climb into bed with a couple of women who for whatever reason, you WANT to put things in orifices of your body. But, this time they outweigh you by 100 lbs apiece and are 10 times as strong as you are. Do you want them to be drunk/high/out of control, or do you want to feel like they have nothing but your safety and pleasure as their goal?? Christ, I just don't have the energy for the rest of this.

 

 

 

Good Lord, everybody be safe and be careful out there.

[Carol_Danny 17]

This guy isn't/wasn't a "single male" and I really wish everybody would stop referring to him as such.

 

He's a male, period.

 

I like that! It is so simple, yet so true. Single or Married, without respect, it all just does not matter.

 

Carol xoxoxo

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I like that! It is so simple, yet so true. Single or Married, without respect, it all just does not matter.

 

Carol xoxoxo

 

Respect must be there regardless of status. Although this guy is a double asshole ..... he doesn't respect his wife (cheater) or his playmates.

 

Mrs Spoomonkey

[WesternSwing 504]

It sounds like you are playing with a married man that is cheating on his wife. He is being honest that he was trying to do something with you his wife won't, that is why he is cheating.

 

BUT, the fact that it wasn't okay'd through you first is wrong. Mrs. WS is always up for anal with the right guy, but the point there is that has to be the right guy under the right circumstances, which means he has to ask her, or more appropriately let her know that he really, really wants to do her that way. It makes her feel special.

 

So, no... you aren't wrong in feeling that this guy was stepping beyond the bounderies, because he was. It doesn't sound like you were opposed to doing it, just that he didn't show the proper respect or appreciation that he should have. You are totally in the right, he is totally in the wrong. If you want to continue playing with him then discuss it, if not, move on.

 

Mr. WS

[L&R 20]

{ L here } Sorry to post twice on this, is that Ok? When R and I first read this, it scared the hell out of me, and R went into (combat mode ) he really takes his "job" as protector very serious, and well his post wasn't ment to hurt your husband's feelings...it was a bit harsh. We haven't started swinging together yet, but R tried to reassure me it would never happen on "his watch", but then I reminded him of something he told me about him and his ex-, how there was the one particular single male that would sometimes "sleep over". R loves to cook and he told me he would sometimes get up and start breakfast for all. I told him 'see' what happens if while you're in the kitchen..this guy tries something with me. R just got a blank look, and said...We would never invite a "stranger" into our home. That's what really got both of us very scared about your situation........THIS PIG KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE! HE VIOLATED YOU IN YOUR OWN DAMN HOME!

 

R says a lot of couples feel safer more comfortable in their own homes, but has swinging changed that much......what happened to only meeting new partners at a club or motel....and waiting until they "earn" the trust before bringing them into your home. R says that used to be a pivotal moment in a couple/single male's relationship....when Hubby hands him the Address and invites him over for a barbecue to meet other "playmates". We are really sorry this happened to you, and hope there's no hard feelings for R 's remarks. The pressure not to have spilled this jerk-off's blood on your carpet and cause a big public scene is really amazing your hubby controlled himself as well as he did. I'm going to try to link a song here ...dedicated to the two of you. Love L.

[sloweasyfeeling 15]

This guy needs an ass whipping that he will remember. One of the off limits between us and others is her ass is mine. I would rip his head off for that. You need not feel bad about yourself. As we all know the world are full of asses like him.

[Guest Islandstinger60]

OK, here is the situation....

We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again. So I got up and went to the bathroom and stayed there till he left. My hubby had no idea what had happened, just thought that maybe he had gotten a little too rough. When he came into the bathroom I ws crying and he wanted to go rip this guys head off. Of course I told him not too, but now that I am ripped all to hades and so very sore, I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.

Anyway, he had the nerve to call this morning and act like nothing had happened. My hubby asked him what the hell he was thinking and the guy said that he was sorry and that he was just excited and not thinking. I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

 

 

This is disappointing behavior . We have zero experience but just reading your post reenforce the notion that there are jerks everywhere. Hope u feel better

[jonsbttm4all 42]

WTF?! ALWAYS ask and NEVER try to do anal with no lube. That shows a complete lack of respect by him, and really if he cared at all about his partners he would not pull crap like that. You should have kicked him in his face! I don't even know you and I'm mad! And as someone who likes to receive anal, I can definitely relate.

 

My girlfriend hates anal and I wouldn't even consider "sneaking" it in. (Some jerk did it to her the wrong way so she's totally opposed!)

[jonsbttm4all 42]

I wouldn't give him another opportunity. He doesn't deserve it.

[love2dp 53]

Forced anal on my would get a violent reaction. At least a punch to the face.

[Bob250 74]

OP. I am a single guy, also I am a single guy with a big crank. I usually will not even discuss anal, let alone attempt it, and I think that to do so, without permission, should get this guy blacklisted by all responsible swingers......everywhere. If a member of a club, you should spread the word about this piece of shit. How, if I might ask, did you ever become play partners with him? And how could he conceivably think you would be OK with it? It is people like this puke, who give the LS a bad reputation.

[Bob250 74]

Sorry I'm back, but this kind of thing really, really pisses me off. First, you did NOTHING wrong. It was all on this piece of shit. I once played with a couple , who had a BBC fantasy (which I don't like, but that's another story) so I was willing to help them experience it. They asked me to do anal with her. I agreed but only after using an enormous amount of lube. After I had penetrated her about half way, she decided that this wasn't a very good idea and asked me to pull out. I did so, IMMEDIATELY!!! My main concern was her comfort, NOT my pleasure. What kind of person, has so little respect for their play partners and so much selfishness, that they would do this. I'm not your husband but even I would punch him out.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

BTW...don't feel bad about running and hiding either... I did too... I am not sure too many people realize the shock your in and how very much it hurts... you do just want to run and hide in a little corner....and cry... you especially can't really deal with the perpetrator when you are in that kind of shock... you just know ... you don't want him any were near you!

 

yeah I am all big and bold and I would kick the crap out of him now...but when it happend... I ran and hid and hurt.

 

The first time I tried anal with my wife, with permission and lube, she ran off and hid. So yeah, it's a pretty normal reaction. On a side note, she does enjoy anal occasionally now, but the first couple times, while we were still both figuring it out, it resulted in a big, "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE." She did want to try again later though.

[Bob250 74]

The first time I tried anal with my wife, with permission and lube, she ran off and hid. So yeah, it's a pretty normal reaction. On a side note, she does enjoy anal occasionally now, but the first couple times, while we were still both figuring it out, it resulted in a big, "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE." She did want to try again later though.

The point here is NOT about trying anal, it is about trying to force anal without permission and without lube.

[SA_NewtoLS 163]

The point here is NOT about trying anal, it is about trying to force anal without permission and without lube.

 

Oh I know. I am just saying that the reaction of running and hiding is very normal and she should not feel bad about that at all. Even in situations with permission and lube, it happens. She should not feel like that reaction is bad or that she did anything wrong because it happens even in the right circumstances. Sorry if that was not clear.

 

I did not really have anything else relevant to add as it's been covered pretty well by many people, so just left it at that.

[kinksandpinks 46]

My biggest fear is that a guy will be forceful with my wife after she has said no and I'll have to fight a man naked. My wife does not play either... we grew up rough.. I think it would put an end to his swinging.

[Anon321 524]

If you asked my GF what are the 2 things guys try to force upon her she would say anal and facefucking. Fortunately she actually likes getting facefucked for some reason - I don't know why but no matter how rough they get she enjoys it. Anal she does occasionally but it's not an everyday thing she does with everyone. It's extremely ballsy to try to fuck a girl in the ass without warning or permission when her man is present. When I'm around that would get rejected very quickly. But there has been an occasion or two when I was not present and things got a little ugly.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

When you told him to stop the first time, you should have also told him to leave. If he's that inconsiderate, that's just the way he is. Since you didn't tell him to leave, your next best option would have been to let your husband go rip his head off. There's no reason to let that asshole live rent free inside your head. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and he took advantage of that. Some people are just sociopaths and don't care about anyone as long as they get what they want. Sorry that happend to you.

[Guest]

You always have to set boundaries up front, esp in something like MFM or GB. Some men think anal and DP are a normal part of MFM so if you have invite him or them to join you as a coupld for MFM, they may assume that you enjoy DP and anal is a step in that direction.