First Swap! DH forgot OUR rules! What to do??

[twobears 16]

Hi everyone, we are still new, have done alot of solf-swing(no intercourse) we are going slow because of me (female). I know that none of us enjoy the steps sometimes that only experience can give us. I would not regert one sad tear I have had in the last year and half for this lifestyle will help you to love each other more. I had a no kissing rule and guess who in a second without even for a flash realized what I had done until my lips touch his. Swinging was my idea for the bi-experience I wanted but could not admitt to myself or even realized it until later. I feel having a FFM with your husband is a good way to start or try next time. This board is the best place to learn, great people on here. Sorry, trying to get a man to control his timing, is I feel is alot to expert but I know how you feel. My husband and I have sex just before or close to the time we are to play, this helps him last longer and of course we are hot just thinking about our partner having sex with another. The one time we didn't and we went to play he cum early during the play time and I didn't know it or realize it and this was the first time another man had oral sex with me and the play partner was in my view. While the other couple was having intercourse later, I was trying to get my hubby hard and he stopped me and we watched them. Later in the evening as we talked , I feeled so betrayed and hurt. We talked about what we both should have said to each other and I keep looking at why I felt this way. I got over the hurt only when and because I really wanted too and because we keep talking honestly to each other knowing that the other WOULD NOT WILLINGLY HURT THE OTHER .(trust) I still have lots of steps to make, keep going and learn to express the deep love you have for each other by being able to forgive. My hubby has a saying "bury the bone " and go on with your lifestyle. Good Luck Surrender

[pacpl4funn 15]

Good Morning, I know I haven't been back to reply or properly post a thanks, I had hoped to do so sooner, but sadly I hadn't the time, I re-read all the posts so I can hopfully do so.

 

To everyone, wether your post was helpful or critical of me (personally) I do sincerely thank each and everyone for expressing your view.

 

My 'out-look' on swinging may or may not be the same as we are all different and have many different opinions as to why we are here and involved in this lifestyle to begin with.

 

Swinging has it's own meaning to each person. And we are no different. AND from "everything" I have read, learned and discovered in these past 3 years, it takes alot of trust, commitment, communication, compasion, care, and yes... boundaries.. These boundaries are there to protect and hopefully preserve the relationship that means the most to you.

 

In commited relationships, this relationship should be the # 1 priority to both people, however when "swinging" and or "getting some" becomes the "main goal" then that's where "issues" can and will arrise.

 

We are all human and bound to make our share of mistakes, it's what that person does AFTER he/she has made the mistake or hurt the one he/she loves that makes all the difference in how the wounded person can heal.

 

In closing, I hope that everyone that has more experience in this lifestyle would continue to keep more of an open mind AND heart for the new less experienced people who are trying to find THEIR WAY....

 

"Live.... Learn..... & .... Love"

[montresor 19]

Ay-yi-yi! My head is spinning from all this! It seems like it should be so simple.

 

I wish Mrs pacpl4funn had started her tale with the information that it's:

 

A) Hubby who proposed swinging.

 

B) Hubby who thought up these ridiculous rules.

 

C) Hubby who freaked when he saw her getting into it more than he was comfortable with.

 

With that in mind, it's easy to see why Mrs pacpl, having had to rein in her newly awakened passion for swinging the past three years, went kablooey when she saw Hubby blowing a load in his partner's face, in apparent contradiction of the Rules.

 

Mrs is told, no kissing, no coming inside her pussy, no coming inside her mouth. A guy coming on her belly or breasts is, apparently, okay, but some guy better not come on her face! And by the way, don't look like you're really getting into it, because Hubby's fragile ego will collapse like a house of cards.

 

Sweetie, how do you feel about these things? Would you like to kiss a swing playmate who's making love with you? Taste his cum or feel it pumping inside you? Did you enjoy letting go when Hubby claimed he wanted to see just that? You have said you're willing to abide by the rules but you haven't said if you like abiding by them.

 

Our past experiences will shape us, and if we're not careful, we can find that we're being shaped in ways that may not be right for us. Your story about how you met your husband, and the types of relationships you had before, raises a red flag for me. After so many "cheaters and beaters," you find a good guy you really care for and you don't want to lose him. Sure, why not give swinging a try if it'll make him happy?

 

But now you find you kind of like it! Right about the same time Hubby discovers he doesn't exactly like it as much as he thought he would.

 

You sound like a happy, healthy woman caught in a set of contradictory demands, all emanating from one source. You're being asked to have hot sex but don't like it too much; to get naked and let a naked man be inside you but don't let him come there; be intimate with a man but don't let your lips touch. Et cetera!

 

Everybody wants to control everybody else. It's a kitchen-tested recipe for coming to grief.

[twoplayful2 16]

It almost seems like some rules are set up just for the purpose of testing each other out.

[pacpl4funn 15]

OMG! Damn, Montresor, you actually read what I was attempting to convay !

 

After the life I had, and out of the blue, us finding eachother, making a life together, I had bliss.... everything I wanted, who says "fairy tales' don't come true??? Found the man of my dreams after years of nightmares.

Having had nothing but unfaithful cheaters, drinkers, and women beaters all my life, meeting him, falling inlove, taking that breth of air in sheer relief, finally to have a man in my life that would be toe-tickling inlove with me, and want to be with just ME......... Not to say that we didn't have our own share of hurdles just getting together, we did. Distance, kids, jobs, ex's...

 

I knew he had the interest in swinging when we were 'corting' but I never took it seriously, thinking it was his way of appearing open minded and 'cool' because I had confided in him that I had once done a 3sum with a former b/f that had disastrous results to my life ! And that I never wanted to repeat that in fear of the same type of outcome (or worse)

 

(I explained to him that I was separated, on the rebound, got involved with this guy, fell inlove with him, got pregnant with twins, he got drunk one night and beat the shit beat out of me while I was pregnant, put me in the hospital, then he abandoned me!! Then when I delivered my twins, my daughter was born blue and my son was very sick.)

 

He really seemed to understand, or so I thought, after we moved in and eventually got married, he began talking about the 3sum, telling me if it had been handled properly when it occured and I wasn't made to feel so dirty afterwards, regardless of the subsquent events that followed. I might have enjoyed it. More so, pressing the issue that if I did this with a man that 'truly' loved me (HIM), that the results would be better....... That I should NOT punish him for someone else's mistakes!

 

Boy that really made me think, made me want to research swinging, I wanted to learn as much as I could so I could make a clear choice...

 

I was very VERY scared of being used and hurt again.

 

So after reading everything I could and talking to him over and over trying to figure out 'why' he wanted this, what his 'goal' was. I really needed him to NOT want this just so he could fuck other women.... As I made this clear that if he only wanted 'this' so he could be with other women, then I wanted no part of this or him.... More so, I needed to know that he wanted to explore 'this' for 'US'.....

 

The more I read, the more I learned, the more I understood that this really could be a fun way to explore and open up on a sexual level..... So I agreed to give this a shot, but also asking him if there was anything that he didn't want to happen if we did eventually play with other people. I wanted us to aproach this with caution and so did he, and thats how and who initated the no kissing or cumming rule.

 

You asked and stated;

 

Mrs is told, no kissing, no coming inside her pussy, no coming inside her mouth. A guy coming on her belly or breasts is, apparently, okay, but some guy better not come on her face!

Yes he said no kissing, no comming inside me or in my mouth, etc.~ but as he stated after the swap, "I didn't think it applied to me cause they didn't have any rules on no cumming"..... So to me, this was a direct violation of HIS rules and more of a "Do as I say, NOT as I do" type of thing.....

 

And by the way, don't look like you're really getting into it, because Hubby's fragile ego will collapse like a house of cards.

 

Yes, as we partisipated in the mfm 3sums, he was fine as long as I came away with the mixed feelings afterwards, but the very 3sum I felt totally relaxed and truly had a good time, and wasn't 'suffering' afterwards, he pulled the emergency break, wants no more swinging, 'ever'.... tells me he didn't feel comfortable, thought I was enjoying the other guy more, he didn't like his dirty talk, ie; using the words... slut, whore...etc... At that moment, I felt like I was being punished for finally having a good time.... It took me time to get to that point or level and have it ripped away at such a critial moment.

 

We've had 2 mfm 3sums and that full swap since then and I'm back to not enjoying myself, I'm afraid that he'll be hurt or upset again if I do have fun and let myself enjoy it again..... I have expressed my fear of him being hurt that if I do have fun, he says that he wants me to have fun, to enjoy myself, just that, that one guy really made him feel UNcomfortable, and that he really didn't pull the plug cause I had fun.

 

I've had my taste of swinging and I do like it, and would like to do more as I'm comfortable.... He's opened up a door for me and I'm just scared that once he see's me truly having fun like before that he'll get freaked out and slam it shut again.....

 

Sweetie, how do you feel about these things? Would you like to kiss a swing playmate who's making love with you? Taste his cum or feel it pumping inside you? Did you enjoy letting go when Hubby claimed he wanted to see just that? You have said you're willing to abide by the rules but you haven't said if you like abiding by them.

 

Yes I love to kiss, it's just something that is so hot and so senusal, I find myself resisting the urge to kiss the man that is having sex with me. Would I like to taste him cum? god yes.... Feeling it punp deep inside of me? yes! Kissing and Cumming is soooo natural and makes everything feel so complete. But I refrain from my wants and natural uges because I know this is something he is NOT ok with. So whereas I am showing respect for him in controling myself or my desires, so yes 'kablooey' it shocked the hell out of me to see him smack me in the face with his double standard.....

 

And even now when we talk about the rules, he insists that my mouth and insides are for him.... but then when I say 'ok' then this rule must apply to him as well, he gets argumentive and tells me if the other cpl doesn't have an issue with him cumming, then why do I......

 

In attempting to get us both on the same page for cumming, I told him, if he feels these rules should not apply to him, then the rules need to go..... LOL Boy! He did a real quick about-face, reafirming that he was still allowed 'body shots'? I said, sure.... external cumming has never been an issue. LOL However the internal cumming is an issue.. and that if he expects other men to abide by HIS rule, and respect it.... then he too must abide and respect it....

 

So I think we're somewhat clear on the cumming rule, I'd be happy to see it go, but he's not ready to have another man fill my mouth. LOL

 

Maybe in time.......

 

thanks again Montresor for showing such indepth analysis, you are very intuitive.......