On premise clubs-are the patrons less attractive?

[De and Ci 19]

Other than an on-premise club we visited in Mexico City that screened customers for attractiveness, we haven't been to any on-premise clubs or party houses in our area. However, we have several friends who have visited a local on premise party house and some on-premise clubs. They have all told us that almost everybody there was overweight and unattractive. We go to 2 local off premise clubs and the quality of the crowd seems to be pretty much evenly distributed from good-looking to skanky. In fact an article in a Houston mag about a fairly new on-premise club also referred to the patrons as skanky and said they were told the clientele has gotten older and heavier since it opened.

 

My theory is that when an on-premise club that does not screen opens for business. What happens is the better looking couples will stop attending if unattractive and obese couples start attending, since they are not interested in playing with them. Of course, if you are unattractive you are not going to have a problem with attractive members. So what happens is the club eventually draws only unattractive couples.

 

I would like to know if there are many on-premise clubs that screen for appearance, and if they do not, are all of the members unattractive and overweight.

[BorisNatasha 63]

There are 3 clubs in Denver that STRONGLY hint on their websites that their clientele "take pride in their appearance" and are "fit". Don't know what happens when an overweight person shows up. We're going to 2 of them this weekend for the first time so I guess I'll find out what everyone looks like.

[Spoomonkey 421]

I think it depends on the club. Our club doesn't screen and there is - as you said - a full spectrum of appearance.

 

It also depends on the area - if there are options - then chances are some couples who feel more attractive than the rest of the world will probably float around, depending on where all of the pretty people are supposed to go.

 

For us - we enjoy our club - even though there are nights when the club will be crowded, but there will be no one we are attracted to. The atmosphere, non-play friends we have made and our comfort levels keep us there.

[VegasLee 1,486]

We do not screen where we host. The owners have felt for 23 years that swinging is for everyone. Not just the "young pretty rich" people. We get a big mix of types, ages, sizes. You name it, we see it.

 

We used to have a nice couple in Vegas that ran "prescreened" parties and a club. They never had more then ten couples ever show up to a party that "fit" what the requirments where to get in. I lost some faith when they said I could come to their parties. Seems that the group that fit the requirments DID NOT PLAY. Dressed great, looked nice but all stood around and looked at each other. Big fashion show. The couple tried and tried to cater to the "pretty people" crowd and ended up closing down and not doing parties anymore. They did try hard for about four years. Maybe Vegas does not have enough pretty people? Most of the people that did end up at their parties where from out of town.

 

Beauty is only skin deep. Personality and attitude make for a great party and even better sex.

 

Some day all those Young pretty people are going to be older too. Hope they remember it.

[CA91709 15]

Mr, CA posting...

The Mrs. and I recently went to an on-premise club. The people there seemed to run the gamet of ages and body types. Some of the people where quite attractive. I would ques that it all depends on the club and how things are run.

[De and Ci 19]

Beauty is only skin deep. Personality and attitude make for a great party and even better sex.

 

Some day all those Young pretty people are going to be older too. Hope they remember it.

 

Well ok, I'm not saying we are supermodels or anything. But when we hear stories about all the women and guys being 200+ lbs, it will be hard for us to get thru the skin deep part. We know couples that we wouldn't play with cause we don't find them sexually attractive-but we are still friends with them. I guess when we get old and fat it won't matter to us who we play with but until then, it does get frustrating for us to go to a club and find everybody sexually unappealling and again I'm not talking about fashion model quality but flat out dumpiness.

[VegasLee 1,486]

DE and CI,

 

I agree with what your saying. No everyone is into everyone or everything. That is the great thing about swinging, something for everyone.

 

I was not "pointing" at you with that comment. I was making a general statement. In my life time in the lifestyle and yes, I am older, I have been to many parties and clubs. I have found that when I hit the "pretty" parties there is almost no action. I tend to stay away from them.

 

They are for some, not for me. See, something for everyone.

[Carol_Danny 17]

Any club that has a membership criteria of "attractiveness" is just a joke! The people that attend these clubs aren't "Swingers", as they have not yet grasped that concept of what the Lifestyle is about.

 

Who decides what is attractive and what isn't? Is my idea of beauty the same as everyone else's? You are held at the whim of the person running the club, and his (yes, I said HIS) idea of what he believes is attractive.

 

We went a few times to a couple of VERY exclusive swing clubs (Miami, New York, and Los Angeles), where everyone had to be approved solely on looks. These were not swing clubs, and were the most boring events I have ever been too. It was more about the posing and the "look at me" attitude than anything remotely close to Swinging.

 

We all have certain standards, and certain things we are looking for or that excite us. But to exclude people because they don't fit within someone's very narrow perception of "beauty" is ridiculous. We have always felt very sorry for people that feel that way.

[tulippe44 25]

I would probably never be aloud into a club for "pretty people". Please don't take that the wrong way, I would not consider myself unattractive or a BBW, however while I feel that I have an attractive face as I have gotten older and had two children, I have gained weight, I also take medication that causes weight gain, that I will take for the rest of my life. Now, I would never go to a club for only pretty people because I would be so intimidated. I would think that the majority of swingers are your average people. I don't know this as we are new, but that is my guess. But it is somewhat offensive to me to be judged solely on the way you look by an owner and not on personality at all. I am not in the 200+ group, but I would hate to see these people judged on the criteria. If it were the case to allow people into a club like this, my question would be is this owner(s) judgement something you truley trust. I mean, if the owner doesn't like red-heads, but you and your SO do you may never see a red-head in this club.(I am a red-head by the way) This would totally turm me off a club. We want to go somewhere that shows diversity and make our own decisions on what we do. Just my Opinion.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Carol_Danny said:

We all have certain standards, and certain things we are looking for or that excite us. But to exclude people because they don't fit within someone's very narrow perception of "beauty" is ridiculous. We have always felt very sorry for people that feel that way.

 

Dito

 

I have no doubt that Mrs Spoo and I would probably get into most any club, regardless of the criteria, but chances are, those clubs would not have the eclectic mix of folks that we always enjoy.

 

When a couple comes who we are attracted to, we play. If that doesn't happen - we play pool and have a great time.

 

PS - I LOVE redheads!

[Chicup 41]

In my experience I'd have to say, yes on premise clubs do tend to have less attractive couples. We have been to two on premise clubs and a number of off premise events in our area. At the on premise clubs we are most likely the best or one of the best looking couples there. This isn't to say we are uberhots, but we stay in good shape and are not bad looking people. That doesn't mean they are all ugly at the clubs, but a majority we do not find attractive. We are also on the younger side for the clubs (early 30's) in our area.

 

At the off premise events we attend (through LL mostly, and LL has a lot of people really stuck on their looks) we are 'average', and far from the best looking people there. The problem is what others have pointed out though, there seems to be FAR less playing and a lot more 'clubing'. The girls dance, everyone shows off their outfits, new fake tits, and flirts, but everyone seems to leave on their own too. I'm not saying that no play happens, just a lot less than you would expect.

 

We have fun at both types of parties, though when we go to the off premises kind we go in expecting no play, and when we go to a club we have higher hopes (though we have run into our share of posers there too).

 

I think another issue for on premise clubs is like attracts like, and while they all have some diversity,

they seem to attract more of one kind of personality/looks. So while one club tends to be thin but 40+, the other is a bit younger, but heavier, and while we never went to it, we were told by good friends that a different one near by is mostly obese.

 

We personally like to go to an on premise club to meet new people we have already contacted from email, or people we already know. We had a great time at our last on premise event, but had we not been with a planned gathering we would have had a hard time finding couples we were attracted too.

[the 2 of us 15]

We have only been to on-prem accounts in PA and Ohio. Our taste in people tends to be those that are fit to very fit. We both find a fit muscular body very sexy.

 

I find it interesting that you say that on-prem folks are not as attractive. We just assumed that the demographics of swingers matched that of out population in terms of being over-weight and so on.

 

We are going to our first retreat – now it is being held by a on-prem place so we may not be exposed to anything different.

 

You sure have me curious – We may have to visit a few off-premise clubs.

[BodyScape02 21]

It is a simple fact of life... opposites do not attract... like seeks out like... if you are representative of only 2% ( models and the uber fit ) of society... then that is about the percentage of people you will find like you in any given situation.

 

Either way... hold to your standards...and search out what are comfortable playmates for you. You should never be forced to do anyone you do not find attractive. Simple as that.

 

In-so-far as club reviews go... remember... they are commenting on ONE night... hardly a valid sampling of what a club is... the type of people attending will ebb and flow... and yes... clubs eventually develop a core population that usually represents the closest population center, and is somewhat indicative of the owners ( big clue…meet the owners if you can… you will get a feel for the real heart of a club.. the owners of the club closest to us are really incredible people), but there are always new people attending … so the dynamic is fluid.

 

Fact is ... if you are picky you will play less than those who are indiscriminate... Then again...if you are picky you would rather have one great pair of monolo's than try on 100 pairs from payless. Your best bet is to ask another couple you like to meet you there… so you have a posse to hang out with. Safety in numbers sort of thing.

 

Go with someone you love and have fun... flirt and dance... There have been nights when I flirted with only Mr. Body...(he was the only one I found attractive)... they were some of the best nights of our lives.

 

Remember- There is something for everyone... and if "seeing" obese people naked upsets you... do what I do... DON"T LOOK ... and try to be polite… lol.

 

~Cat the far less than perfect

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Lots of great points here.

 

I think another issue for on premise clubs is like attracts like

 

Typically, you will find that ANY club is going to attract people similar to the people who host/run the club. It's as simple as Betty & Dave open a club, the first people they include are their friends, from there it branches out. There's always going to be a core group of people and those who don't find they fit in with that core group aren't going to stick around for long. It is valid to say that if someone attends a club and doesn't find many (or any) people that fit their criteria they probably won't come back. So what does that lead to in the looks dept. If a club is run by average folks, it will attract other average folks and probably a full gamut of people. If a club is run by less attractive/ overweight people then most likely you will also have somewhat of a mixture but the mixture will probably weight heavily (no pun, just couldn't think of a better term) towards larger people - simply because people feel comfortable with others like them. No one wants to go to a club and feel like they are the ugly duckling.

 

This theory goes beyond looks or on-premise clubs. Look at this board. There are many other swinger forums out there, and if you look around each has a different overall feel and attitude to it. You can bet that that attitude and feel is largely due to the people who run it (or fail to run it). People who share the same attitude will stick around, those who don't will leave.

 

I agree with others that said that most "pretty people" clubs are full of posers. They are more concerned with their looks than anything else. They all already believe they are the prettiest person in the room. There are a lot of VERY attractive people who would never attend a club for "pretty people only" simply because they either a) don't think they fit the criteria or b) don't like to choose or be chosen based on looks.

 

As Danny & Carol pointed out, it's typically ONE GUY decided what is and isn't attractive, one person's opinion. His ideal of what is attractive isn't going to the be the same as what others enjoy.

[JnCC 24]

De and Ci said:

I would like to know if there are many on-premise clubs that screen for appearance, and if they do not, are all of the members unattractive and overweight.

The members of the clubs I've been to are usually representative of the community at large. In other words, clubs in Florida and California tend to have more fit couples, while couples in the Midwest tend to be on the heavy side. As BodyScape pointed out, the hosts of a club or private party really play a large part in establishing what kinds of people attend their function. If the attitude and appearance of the hosts are agreeable to you, then those of the people you meet there are likely to be, also.

 

Quote

In fact an article in a Houston mag about a fairly new on-premise club also referred to the patrons as skanky and said they were told the clientele has gotton older and heavier since it opened.

That sounds like a non-approving reporters attempt to smear both the club and the lifestyle while maintaining an air of "journalistic objectivity." A letter to the editor asking if his so-called "reporter" has ever referred, in print, to members of a local church, civic organization, or other business establishment as "older and heavier," or "skanky" might bring an interesting response.

 

Quote

My theory is that when an on-premise club that does not screen opens for business. What happens is the better looking couples will stop attending if unattractive and obese couples start attending, since they are not interested in playing with them.

IMHO, what drives many couples away from a given club, and sometimes from swinging altogether, is NOT the "unattractiveness" of some of it's members, but how some members attitudes towards lifestyle and sexuality are reflected in the general atmosphere of the club itself. Too many swing clubs are run like sleazy, Subic Bay bars. But that's a subject for a different thread.

 

Quote

Of course, if you are unattractive you are not going to have a problem with attractive members. So what happens is the club eventually draws only unattractive couples.

Hmmm...I don't know that I would agree with that. You don't have to scratch the surface of this lifestyle very hard to reveal stinging comments about "Ken & Barbies," "gym rats & strippers," "uberhots & posers" etc., etc. Most of the time, the only "crime" these people have committed is to be born with good genes or to spend a few hours a week caring for their health and appearance. Human nature being what it is, being "attractive" doesn't guarantee anybody a cakewalk into the lifestyle. Middle-aged men tend to be uncomfortable around other men who have more money or bigger dicks, while middle-aged women tend to be uncomfortable around younger women and those who have flatter tummies and/or perkier tits. "Discomfort runs downhiill, hostility runs uphill" Whichever way they run, there's enough of both to go around.

 

As for the younger, more attractive couples that choose not to play in certain clubs, George Carlin was right...there IS such a thing as being "too hip for the room"...and they're not reacting any differently than any of us would in similar circumstances

[two4youinswva 3,068]

In-so-far as club reviews go... remember... they are commenting on ONE night... hardly a valid sampling of what a club is...

Excellent point!

 

We used to have a nice couple in Vegas that ran "prescreened" parties and a club. They never had more then ten couples ever show up to a party that "fit" what the requirments where to get in. I lost some faith when they said I could come to their parties. Seems that the group that fit the requirments DID NOT PLAY. Dressed great, looked nice but all stood around and looked at each other. Big fashion show. The couple tried and tried to cater to the "pretty people" crowd and ended up closing down and not doing parties anymore. They did try hard for about four years.

 

I think I remember seeing a website for that group. I also remember thinking "It'll never work, too limited". I didn't even consider that they would just stand around and look at each other!

[jcbicouple 24]

The club we go to has a wide variety of people. We tell people if they want to know what the people at the club tend to look like: Go to the grocery store, and look around (Sometimes it's fun to imagine they're naked...he he): Those are the types of people you will see. Some are heavy some are thin some are "beautiful people" some are just "plain jane".

 

We wouldn't go to a club that pre-screened for attractiveness. Looks are a matter of opinion. What and who you are attracted to is a personal choice and opinion. We've met several very beautiful people that we didn't play with for one reason or another.

 

How many of those "Beautiful people" at the pre-screened clubs don't play because if they get naked people will see that life has chosen to give them stretch marks on their butt? or someone had a C section and has a scar from it? A mastectomy (spelling?), or some other "life happening" that has left it's mark? Those things aren't things you should be ashamed of.

 

We prefer a club where everyone is comfortable getting naked and running about, imperfections and all!

[good times 991]

At the clubs we go to the clientel varies so much from night to night that it would be impossible to make generalizations about it. The average age varies from mid 30's on some nights to upper 40's earlier 50's on others. Some nights the people will be mostly fit and trim and other nights their will be mostly overweight people. I just wish I knew how to tell what it was going to be like ahead of time. I kind of think it is this way because we are in a tourist town. On an average night about half the people at the club will be from out of town and about a third of the people will be visiting the club for the first time.

[De and Ci 19]

jcbicouple said:

How many of those "Beautiful people" at the pre-screened clubs don't play because if they get naked people will see that life has chosen to give them stretch marks on their butt? or someone had a C section and has a scar from it?

 

Hmm, That's a damn good point! At a super exclusive event, I would imagine there would be a substantial amount of subtle competition in the "looks" dept.

 

To the point that many of the people would be too intimidated to get "nekkid"

 

Again, we aren't super picky or anything, but even some nights at the off premise clubs we attend, there were no couples that we would have been interested in playing with.

[Sweet_Candy 54]

For us the question is "Is it as good as what we have?". We are fit and attractive but not Ken and Barbie. The on-premise club mentioned in Houston does run towards the large and because of this we don't go. We're are not attracted to unfit people. We do go to an off-premise club that is considered "for the beautiful people" and yes it does have a lot of soft-swap couples/married lezbians. We dicovered this after a couple of visits. But it's a great place to meet dates. If it doesn't work out we can still enjoy ourselves. We have friends in the lifestyle who run the gamut of size and shapes. As for sex partners, we do draw the line. Why take a hit for the team(lifestyle team)? Or as we've heard it described "Why settle for less when life is to short?"

[Floorman56 16]

I have wondered what a couple who have been going to a screened club for a couple of years feel when they go to the club one night and are told "sorry you can't come in"

[Pepper & Drew 384]

We went to a "premium" event (off premises) with friends of ours in NYC and we were really, REALLY not impressed. We had to pre-register, no one over 40, had to submit pics, etc, etc. Once there, we engaged in conversations with mind-numbingly-boring people, I had the side of my face licked by some creepy guy, had to fight to get in the bathroom because people were either fucking (glad somebody was getting some) or doing drugs in there, and apparently the big thing to do is take a bunch of pictures of kissing so that they could put them on their profiles...whatever. We'd take our socials where there's a mix and we can chose who we think are the hot couples.

 

We're young, we're attractive, we take care of ourselves and tend to look for couples who we feel we're on the same level with us, but attractiveness isn't only measured (for us) by looks. There are eye candy couples that we've passed on because frankly, we just didn't like them as people. I think it's hit-or-miss, no matter what it is you're looking for. A month or two ago there was a party where it seemed like everyone in the room was our kind of couple, but other parties have been as dry as the Sahara. I think it's the case whether you're a BBW, young and hot, old and infirm, etc.

 

Pepper

[flassh 15]

How sad for a person to only see the world and people under the influence of what pop-culture and media dictate as being sexually appealing. For us, we love to make fantasies come true, but those fantasy should be our own and not what we are "told" by others to be the best. If perfect bodies and beautiful faces is the fantasy, go for it. But personally, a great sense of humor or erotic imagination goes a lot further than how firm and perky one's body is. I think it is a chicken/egg story. I mean that the mind and body are together and one can't have one without the other. So keeping in shape and eating well are part and parcel with living a normal life. If one is unwilling to get up off the couch to exercise they have made a choice that will no doubt create a less than healthy outlook and physical appearance. Nevertheless, as my 44 y.o. body will attest, I am not the hardbody of yesteryear and I don't expect it to garner the same looks from the opposite sex that it used too. Nor would I want to knowing how much better lovers can be that are not self-consumed with their looks and perfection.

 

I think the word is narcissism, and it is a disease that damages one's total being.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Something I have been thinking about lately.

 

I have noticed that when I was younger, I had older women wanting to play. Now that I am "more experienced", (older) I am getting more younger ladies wanting to play.

 

Not a real problem but I prefer the older women.

 

Only thing that stays the same is that everything always changed.

[northindycpl 32]

Again, we aren't super picky or anything, but even some nights at the off premise clubs we attend, there were no couples that we would have been interested in playing with.

 

I had been staying away from this thread intentionally, as it really did cause me to be a bit irritated. I think those that defended the (assumed) less beautiful people did a good job. To a degree, I can also see the point made originally by De and Ci.

 

This quote stuck out at me the most, however. We have been lots of times where there were not people that we were interested in playing with, but not based on looks. I really wonder how many people are judging me and Mr. Indy solely on that point. I mean, are they making a decision to even say hello to us, based on how we look?

 

I guess we are just different. We go to the clubs to have a good time. We meet people, and have a good time. We flirt and dance and have a good time. I strut my stuff and have a good time.

 

We never go to a club with the expectation to play with anyone. We go to meet people and see where things might go. We try and talk to everyone, we mingle with everyone and everyone we meet runs the line from Super-model spectacular looks to the lunch lady. To me, for the most part, they are all beautiful.

 

I am pretty sure we are a hot couple ourselves!

[De and Ci 19]

northindycpl said:

We have been lots of times where there were not people that we were interested in playing with, but not based on looks. I really wonder how many people are judging me and Mr. Indy solely on that point.

 

Gee, I wonder how many people are judging us on our looks? I really don't care. I think we all do that. We have friends in the lifestyle who we don't find sexually attractive and consequently we don't swing with them however we enjoy their company. While we are pretty much hwp, we aren't supermodels nor are we shallow and prissy. NorthIndy, I saw your profile on SLS, and we played with a couple and the woman was about your size, and like you appear to be, she was well proportioned. Also, she was pretty damn hot in bed (liked it rough). However, we would be uncomfortable going to an intimate on-premise club or party house where everyone was skanky - whether obese or looking like a shriveled crack whore. It seems that off-premise clubs are larger and easier to get lost in the crowd if nobody suits our fancy. That is our perception and we may be wrong.

[DBL D 120]

...NorthIndy, I saw your profile on SLS, and we played with a couple and the woman was about your size, and like you appear to be, she was well proportioned. Also, she was pretty damn hot in bed (liked it rough)...

 

It WAS NIC! What were you thinking?

 

...It seems that off-premise clubs are larger and easier to get lost in the crowd if nobody suits our fancy. That is our perception and we may be wrong.)...

 

We once went to an off-premise dance that wasn't really large enough to get lost in the crowd and didn't get hit on by ANYONE! (And those of you who know us know that we are in decent shape.) There were lots of gals who were hot looking but were with short fat guys. There were also lots of couples that just weren't our type. This was at a dance where we had felt they were going to generally be like our body type. (Even on SLS we get hit on by people who apparently don't know what HWP means.)

 

This was strange and it may be a while before we go back.

 

Maybe all of America has gotten fat and we're the ones on the outside.

 

Male D

[Sweet_Candy 54]

DBL D said:

 

Maybe all of America has gotten fat and we're the ones on the outside.

 

Well if you believe the numbers given by the experts or better yet look around there are a lot of fat people. More than we remember. I (he) am celebrating the loss of 90 lbs. since last November through portion control and exercise. What's funny is I wasn't bothered with my gain until Candy mentioned I was not sexually attractive to her. She's stayed constant at 110 lbs. except with the birth of our two kids since we've been married. So for us it took my partner's honesty to wake me up to what I wouldn't see in the mirror that I was Fat. We are not Ken and Barbie, but we are in shape and that's what we prefer.

[northindycpl 32]

Maybe the clubs in Texas are different then the ones here.

 

Every club has a skank factor. It is just going to. Personally, I like for a club to have a mixed crowd.

 

I am incredibly proportioned and we take very good care of ourselves, and we do expect the same from those we choose to play with. I would just hate to go to a club where people were ruled out based on one persons view of beauty.

 

Also, the only off-premise club I know of here is skank city... so maybe it is just different in Indiana.

[DBL D 120]

I am not saying we only want a club that is HWP, or all bi girls or anything. I like the mix too but it was just surprising to us that no one asked us to dance, fat or skinny; and we just happened to notice the demographic had changed a bit.

 

Male D

[fun4Ds 1,098]

Well, as for the clubs we dont know yet, we haven't been. We're new. we were asking some chat friends about them. One couple's reply when we asked about a particular club was "they are all fat and ugly". We're told by our friends that we are attractive. They were an attractive couple.  Go figure.  Their personality, off our list they went.

[BorisNatasha 63]

There are 3 clubs in Denver that STRONGLY hint on their websites that their clientele "take pride in their appearance" and are "fit". Don't know what happens when an overweight person shows up. We're going to 2 of them this weekend for the first time so I guess I'll find out what everyone looks like.

 

Just to follow up after our trip to the clubs - both clubs had overweight people at them and were not nearly as discriminating (if at all?) based on body type as we were led to believe by the websites. I see this as a good thing, because the idea of excluding people based on any physical trait makes me a bit uncomfortable.

 

All that being said, the vast majority of people at both clubs were attractive and not overweight. Could be that Halloween brings out the show-offs so we'll see how it is when we go back for a regular night. It may also be because Colorado is the skinniest state in the country; we may therefore have a higher percentage of fit couples going to the local clubs.

 

There was one playroom where the participants were all on the heavy side, and they were putting on a hell of a show. Any ideas I had that overweight people can't be sexy were put to rest right then and there.

 

Boris

[FisetyCouple 15]

We are new here and new to the lifestyle. We are hoping to learn and pick up some pointers here from the experienced people.

 

After reading the posts in this thread I must say that we are now so frightened at being rejected it may not be worth the effort any longer. We are both larger people and probably would not fit into the "trim" category that seems to be highly sought after. The possibility of being reffered to as "skanks" is a very daunting thing.

 

Is it that there is no room for large people in this lifestyle? I hope that is not the case.

 

By the way, I do believe we are an attractive couple, just in a larger package. We dress well and are well groomed.

 

Thanks for allowing me a small rant and I hope I have not offended anyone.

[Carol_Danny 17]

We are 20 year veterans of the club scene, and have seen the changes over the years. Back in the 80's and early 90's, we were involved with a Swingers Rights group, and traveled to many different clubs through Canada and the US. We've seen many differences in clubs, but that is to be expected. There are the regional differences of the people and local laws that affect what goes on. What is typical in one place is considered totally bizarre somewhere else. That has homogenized over the years, and those differences just aren't as apparent now.

 

We have noticed things over the years that stand fairly true. Swing Clubs that do a lot of fancy "Sexy Dress Up" events and themes tend to attract the more "beautiful people" who love to dress up and show off. We've found that while those clubs can get busy, there sometimes are a minority of true swingers in attendance. The remainder think they are doing something "dangerous" by dressing sexy and teasing each other. For us, those were the boring places. (We aren't into Dress-Up these days)

 

Other clubs that have loyal memberships tend to have cliques formed. The "beautiful people" sit over there, and don't really associate with the others. But we have seen the same in reverse, with the older or less attractive couples staying together and not allowing anyone else into their "group". Like many other things in life, "we" tend to look for "our" own, and stay with them, not trusting people we deem different.

 

The best clubs we were ever at had a great dynamic where everyone just got along, regardless of perceived beauty, age, or body type. I'm not talking about sex here, just personal interaction. When we started, I was 23 years old and at the club we started at there was an older couple in their late 50's. While we never "swung" with them, they were amazingly fun people we loved to hang with at the club. People that only look for a certain type of persons are ignorant and don't know what they are missing. We entered the Lifestyle not just for the Sex, but for the interaction with like-minded people. Many "Swingers" that became close Friends were people we have never had sex with!

 

If you walk into a club, and the first thing you think of is "where are the sexy people" you are really missing out. I challenge everyone to go into a club, and look around at the people who are there. Who appear to be having the most fun? Who appear to have personality? Who look like the friendly people? In almost all cases, it's just your average couple enjoying a night out, and not concerned with their beauty. Now look at the "Ken & Barbie's".....half the time they aren't even smiling! I've seen this at both Swing Clubs and at Resorts, and I always make it a point to see if that belief still holds true.

[Carol_Danny 17]

FisetyCouple said:

Is it that there is no room for large people in this lifestyle? I hope that is not the case.

 

There is room for all in this Lifestyle. The differences between us all are what help make things interesting. I didn't come into this Lifestyle looking for clones of us, or just a certain type of person, I came in to experience things that I don't normally experience in day to day life.

 

Welcome, but take your time to understand the dynamics. If you are overweight (as am I) you will experience rejection. That is a fact and there is no point to gloss over it. Accept it and move on. You'll soon find the real people who aren't just looking at body type, but are looking at the true person.

[tjwilderness 15]

We attend The Farm Travel Club and there are plenty of "bigger people" there. In fact on guy told me he wasn't going back there...Too many fat people. Well being bigger myself I told him where he could put his skinny self.

 

I agree at the farm it is the "Ken and Barbies" that don't have as much fun. We have a few fit playmates but we have found the "real" people are much more fun.

 

Our opinion is age and weight are just numbers. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. We want to have sex with people to share our abilities and to enjoy theirs. Teri and i always stay close to each other and ALWAYS wake up together.

[SnsualPrsuasion 15]

Wow, I was going to ask a question about being a BBW attending clubs, but I guess it's all been summed up for me in this thread quite succinctly. I would be absolutely TERRIFIED to attend one now. Though we've met plenty of people through our various ads that don't mind the BBW factor, apparently, there are WAY more people that mind it, and I'd never get through the door. I DO realize 'to each his own'. Not a problem, but it just seems mean to me to hear people say they wouldn't attend because they don't even want to LOOK at an obese person. I keep myself well groomed as well, and wear nice clothes that suit my shape, I never felt myself unattractive simply because the body I inhabit isn't what I'd wish it to be. (I've had four kids, and that's NOT an excuse for being out of shape, laziness is on my part, I admit it) On my part, hubby & I both prefer playing with heavier people, not because we don't appreciate a fit body, but it is actually what we like. We like more to hold onto..etc..our reasons are our own just like everyone else's. I just hate feeling like I'd make someone throw up or run screaming if they saw me walk in the door. Wow, though, I'm SO glad I saw this. (Not being sarcastic, being quite serious) Now I won't ever have to find out what it feels like & I can stick with meeting on my ad so that everyone knows up front what I look like & I don't cause anyone's eyeballs to melt from their sockets and leave a big mess all over the club floor! Phew!!!!

[tjwilderness 15]

There is a place near Pittsburgh PA called the Mountain Retreat. I have never been there personally but know people who do. They are receptive of ALL people just like the Farm is.

 

DON'T WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK. If you are clean and a good person then look at it like this...if they are the kind of person who would judge just on size then they aren't worth sharing your body anyway.

 

Also when you go to a club you should have no expectations anyway. Go with the plan to dance and enjoy the company of like-minded people. You will find shallow people (that's human nature) BUT you will also find incredible people who don't judge. And more than likely you will hook up with a fun couple or single. But most of all you will enjoy. The first three times we went to a club we only played with each other.

[VegasLee 1,486]

Wow, I was going to ask a question about being a BBW attending clubs, but I guess it's all been summed up for me in this thread quite succinctly. I would be absolutely TERRIFIED to attend one now.

 

If I was you I would not even start to think this way. Why? Because a "few" people make judgements? The great thing about this lifestyle is there is something for everyone.

 

We have many BBW people come to the club we host at all the time. I get lots of email asking what others think of it. Our forums have many threads about this subject and the people that come there do not look down on BBW. I have seen many of the BBW's partying more then the "pretty people" crowd.

 

You seem happy with who and what you are, why worry about a few others? Why let them dictate where you will go and party?

 

Yes, there is people that don't want to have sex with BBW's. So what. There is also people that don't want to have sex with tall people, skinny people, white people or black people. Does not mean you can not have a good time. We all have our personal desires of who we want to party with. As you stated, you like to party with larger people. Should I feel bad about your choices and stay home because of them?

 

Don't take what people say personally in this lifestyle and definately don't take what people say on a public message board personally. Who are these people to you? Do you meet them? Do you party with them? Do you go to the same clubs as they do? Betting the answer to most of those questions is NO!

 

Get out, have fun. That is what life and this Lifestyle is all about. Not what anyone else thinks of you and your choices in life.

[FisetyCouple 15]

I am glad to see there are others here that took a bit of exception to the tone of this thread. Being very overweight we have and do expect some rejection.

 

However, being rejected for friendship or sex is two different things. I would imagine if everyone openned their minds a bit there can be some very good friendships that may not include sex.

 

Just a thought.

[DBL D 120]

Hey SensualPrsuasion,

 

I agree with Vegas...Don't be swayed by what some think. Besides, you're likely to find what you are looking for even if some of us don't.

 

Never Give Up!

 

Male D

[SnsualPrsuasion 15]

It's not that I'm not all about personal preference, like I mentioned earlier, we have our own! If someone doesn't like the way I look, it's ok, and I fully expected to run into this when we first started swinging. There are people that love BBW's & people that don't. It was the whole "I don't want to even be in the same ROOM & have to look at fat people" mentality.

 

I was seriously going to inquire about how BBW's are received, and I'm not terrified because we have expectations to play & are afraid that nobody would based on our size, (We didn't expect to do anything our first time there beyond observe anyway & I DO know it's harder to find partners that don't mind BBW's) but at the reception I'd receive even as an observer in my ever-so-concealing street clothes.

 

My point was that our worries were confirmed, and we probably won't be attending. There might be a few great people there that wouldn't mind striking up a conversation with us, but if the masses would think us 'skanky' or that we aren't fit to breathe the same air, then why put ourselves through it? Ya know? I kind of just assumed that there would be variety, and that if someone approached us, cool, if not, cool...I didn't realize that people would even stop attending if bigger people started to frequent the clubs.

 

Hey, it's all good. We're still having fun. We have a playdate tomorrow night as a matter of fact & expect to have lots of it! I am not knocking anyone that doesn't like a little cushion on their play-mates. Just irks me that there are those out there who think we're not fit to be in the same room. Ain't like I'd have my huge boobs & jiggly butt up in anyone's face! LOL

[BorisNatasha 63]

Well I hope my comments did not contribute to your decision, because I think you're making a bad one. We all keep saying people "have their preferences" to explain why some will not have sex with obese people. It's true. I personally would not have sex with an obese woman because I don't find that attractive, but Natasha does not mind large men. There you have two totally different perspectives from the same couple. And neither of us would THINK of being rude or in any way discourteous to a person based on their body shape. We save our rudeness for people who prove that they deserve it.

 

From what I saw at our first 2 clubs there was no discrimination and certainly nothing going on that made me in any way think the heavier people were being shunned. We met a BB couple at our first club and talked to them for a good 45 minutes out on the back deck. Just because we were not going to have sex with them doesn't mean we couldn't enjoy a good chat.

 

As I said in my first post in this thread, the websites for the clubs seemed to go to great lengths to explain that their members are typically attractive and fit, and yet we did not see any discrimination at either club based on who was there. Why do they even put that on the websites then? I don't know. But there were all types of bodies there and everyone was having a good time.

 

It just seems to me that you are going to miss out on a great experience because you are afraid one or two assholes are going to treat you badly. Well, assholes do that to everyone so just put them in their place, move on, and have some fun with the other 95% of the people in the club.

 

Boris

[Chicup 41]

Based on the cross section of the clubs in chicago, I can't see why anyone would feel intimidated by looks at these clubs. If I were to give an average, I'd say the average age was 40 and the average weight was +30 lbs over weight, with a very wide range in both.

 

One thing to think about is economics. If a club only caters to the uber hots, which in my area would be around maybe 5% of the swinger population, they are going to have a VERY hard time staying open. There are only so many swingers out there, and clubs need to have a minimum number of couples on any given night.

 

The clubs we have been to have been safe, clean, and we met some very friendly people. I wish we would have known this sooner, as newbies we were very reluctant to go to the clubs and had visions of dueling bangos.

[VegasLee 1,486]

 

My point was that our worries were confirmed, and we probably won't be attending.

 

Where were your worries confirmed? You have not been to a club. Are you saying they where confirmed by a couple people posting on this board?

 

If that is the case then your right, don't go to a club if you are swayed so easily by people that don't mean anything to you or have ever met you.

 

Hard to believe people that enjoy this lifestyle would let NO ONE guide their life and their fun.

[Spoomonkey 421]

SnsualPrsuasion said:

It was the whole "I don't want to even be in the same ROOM & have to look at fat people" mentality.

 

I have read this thread and I don't think that this line of thought represents the majority here or at a club. We have friends at the club who we wouldn't play with and I would guess we are the friends of folks who wouldn't play with us

 

Be yourself - enjoy yourself - and don't sweat other folk's opinions.

 

PS - Dito to Lee

[SnsualPrsuasion 15]

Yeah, well, I guess I just woke up this morning thinking I was the poster child for fat chicks everywhere!

 

I re-read this thread tonight, and realized I was bitching at NOTHING. Well, almost nothing. I mis-read/mis-interpreted a few things & jumped right up on my soapbox without further thought. For one De & Ci were quoting an article on a local club & it was the article that referred to the overweight crowd as skanks. Later on however,

 

However, we would be uncomfortable going to an intimate on-premise club or party house where everybody was skanky- whether obese or looking like a shriveled crack-whore

 

That was the one that got me. Left me wondering if obese=skanky?

 

But I DID realize that the point was, why would anyone patronize a club where the majority of people weren't their type. I GET IT! REVELATION! I'm sorry that I jumped the gun, because though you'd not return to a club with obese people in it, it wasn't because everyone was overweight, it was because ALL OF THEM WERE NOT YOUR TYPE. Duh! I wouldn't go either if every single person in there wasn't my type. What's the point then?

 

Not only was I using my own insecurities about attending a club to take comments out of context, y'all were saying that you LIKED the mix, LIKED the diversity, and weren't downing overweight people. Well, ya know, sometimes when I'm up there on my soapbox I gotta get knocked down with a ball bat, cuz I'm just too damned stubborn.

 

Wow, nothing like making an ass of yourself the first few days in the forums, huh? Oh well, it was bound to happen. That's part of bein' me.... now, anyone up for an argument about religion or politics? Seems I'm on a roll!!!!!!!

[BorisNatasha 63]

That's the spirit! Now, go have fun at a club and then come back and tell us all about it.

[DBL D 120]

I love it when the power goes out ..but I am also very happy when it comes back on!

 

Glad you saw our points; can't see them with no light.

 

Male D

[curiouscouple4f 17]

I would probably never be aloud into a club for "pretty people". Please don't take that the wrong way, I would not consider myself unattractive or a BBW, however while I feel that I have an attractive face as I have gotten older and had two children, I have gained weight, I also take medication that causes weight gain, that I will take for the rest of my life. Now, I would never go to a club for only pretty people because I would be so intimidated. I would think that the majority of swingers are your average people. I don't know this as we are new, but that is my guess. But it is somewhat offensive to me to be judged solely on the way you look by an owner and not on personality at all. I am not in the 200+ group, but I would hate to see these people judged on the criteria. If it were the case to allow people into a club like this, my question would be is this owner(s) judgement something you truley trust. I mean, if the owner doesn't like red-heads, but you and your SO do you may never see a red-head in this club.(I am a red-head by the way) This would totally turm me off a club. We want to go somewhere that shows diversity and make our own decisions on what we do. Just my Opinion.

 

Dito Well said, I am not huge, nor am I some skinny little Barbie type , I'm solid and considered very attractive (according to most men I've met) I enjoy a range of people and hope to find that range when my husband and I try out a club in the near future.

 

"The Mrs."