On premise clubs-are the patrons less attractive?

[Hapycmpr 16]

A lot of good points have been made here. Some may consider them valid and some not. I have always believed that the biggest erogenous zone is the brain. Stimulate my mind, and I’m yours…the rest of me is easy!

 

How many times have you sat down at a club and started talking to a couple/person that you (initially) had no physical attraction to, just making conversation, passing the time. But their personality was such that the more you spoke with them, the more you wanted to party with them. It’s happened to me more than a few times.

 

On the other hand, Patti and I were at an on premises club not too long ago. Some friends of ours pointed out a “pretty couple” that had been sitting in the corner looking board. He told his wife that they should go over and talk to them, to which she responded, “Do you really think that we have a chance?” WOW. I just looked at my friends and walked over to them and sat down and started talking. I’m not Ken. I’m not a body builder. I used to play football in high school 20 years ago. OK 25 years ago. They were nice people. They weren’t the “pretty people” that my friends had assumed they were, they were just new at the club and a little nervous. After a time, I invited them to the hot tub with us, and they came….several times!

 

Now, how many of you have been rejected for what ever reason. We all know that no means no. A polite no thank-you is enough for me. I don’t need to know why. Not everyone is interested in me. But a answer like, “Not with you” is hurtful and makes you want to run away. The nuances of everyday human interaction are tough enough let alone in a swinging environment. You don’t need to add humiliation to rejection, and you don’t need to feel humiliated when you get rejected. There are plenty of other wonderfully sexy people out there who DO want to party with you. Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you out of the clubs.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

Since they live in Austin, I would recommend Ci and Di check out "The Jungle". It's an on-premise...I hesitate to use the word "club". It is a private residence, where they hold swing parties. There is a "screening" process, although aside from the obvious things like keeping out head cases and genuinely skanky people, they do not have restrictions on age or physical appearance. That is, he does allow (gasp!) chubby people to attend his parties.

 

What you get is a full range of types, leaning towards more of the "pretty people" crowd, or at least the typical "HWP" couple. If nothing else, I would recommend it for just seeing the place; it really is quite unique, and it's in your neighborhood.

 

We live in Houston, and know which "on-premise" club they are referring to. We have not been in a while, but they are also an establishment that gets the full gamut of types, from the Barbie and Ken clones to your basic middle-aged BBW couples like us. I don't think it is quite as bad as this article made it out to be.

 

Make no mistake, boys and girls; if someone is a real "skank", a la looks like a crack whore, speed freak, poor grooming and hygiene, etc, he/she will not last long in the lifestyle. Only the most obtuse would think otherwise.

 

Having said that, the swinger community is indeed "stratified" into various subgroups, based primarily on age, size, physical appearance (body size and physical appearance are not necessarily the same thing), specific interests (like BDSM, for example), social class and to some extent, race.

 

The various clubs here in Houston and elsewhere reflect this, especially the private ones. For instance, there are several private party groups in town that are for "BBW couples". Why is this? So couples of this type can play and not have to worry about being disrespected because someone thinks they are "skanky" due to being chubby. There are others that only allow people 40 and over, and for similar reasons.

 

Of course, I'm not saying anything here that is not already common knowledge, and I'm sure it's all pretty much the same way no matter where you go in the country. The various clubs around town here in Houston, public and private, off-premise and on, all cater to this or that subset of the lifestyle. Some still allow people who fall outside their "preferred" range of physical characteristics admittance, but make no mistake; you will know the instant you walk through the door whether or not you fit their "ideal" guest criteria. Other clubs are not so "choosy", and in those you will find all kinds, from twentysomething "pretty people" to fiftysomething BBW couples, and everything in between.

 

(Needless to say, we prefer the latter sort of club. It's not that we are any more likely to score with some B&K clone couple than we would at, say, Wish's, assuming we were even interested in such, but the environment is a lot more relaxed and comfortable. I am also a lot less likely to end up busting a chair over some asshole's head for disrespecting Bunny. This nearly happened at the very first swinger party I attended, after seeing some prick shove the woman I was with aside like she was a piece of furniture (this was long before I met Bunny, but she too was on the chubby side). Fortunately for "Dash Riprock", she saw me coming and literally dragged me outside until I cooled off, and so kept me from doing my best to kill that sonofabitch. Damn, I was pissed...)

 

And whatever sort of club you might prefer is actually pretty easy to find. Most have web sites, and between those and the usual word-of-mouth, you would have no problem at all find the sort of club you'd like. That's how Bunny and I discovered Coach's, and it's also why we would never go to Encounters, because one caters to everyone, the other does not.

 

And the on-premise clubs, at least around here, are not that much different.

 

The best way to find what you prefer in this area is to do some research, ask around, and yes, bite the bullet, pony up the cash (on-premise clubs especially are never cheap to get into) and see for yourself (looking on the Net and word-of-mouth will only take you so far, as neither are 100% accurate).

 

You may strike out a time or two (God knows we have..., but eventually you will find the club or group that has a preponderance of the sort of couple that appeals to you.

[b&J69 15]

Here in South Florida, our on premise clubs have the whole gamut of people. They seriously range from South Beach model types to everyday good looking people to well, just about everyone. I guess with an attendance of over 300 cpls many nights, that makes for more variety. If you are interested in a specific type of person, you are likely to find at least a few couples at one of our local clubs, especially on Sat evenings as the crowd is the largest then. Also, the crowd dynamic changes as the evening goes on. So, what may seem like a target weak evening at say 11 pm may turn completely around by 2am. The only problem is the SoFla crowd tends to party really late. We have a couple of times had the lights turned on at the most inoppurtune times at 6am while in the middle of play. Arrrgh, coitus interruptus.

[badboyooplik 15]

De and Ci said:

Hmm, That's a damn good point! At a super exclusive event, I would imagine there would be a substantial amount of subtle competition in the "looks" dept.

 

To the point that many of the people would be too intimidated to get "nekkid"

 

Again, we aren't super picky or anything, but even some nights at the off premise clubs we attend, there were no couples that we would have been interested in playing with.

 

Ok I've read far enough into this thread now that I figure even though it is my first post I have to say something.

 

I've been swinging all my life and I've never been to a club. Why? Because I have always been with BBWs and I'm BHM. It is people with attitudes like this that have always scared me and my partners away from on-premises clubs.

 

I have to be honest, I'm sort of a big biker type, so if we walked up to a club and the guy at the door turned my wife (or me for that matter) away because we were, "too fat", I'd be seeing red. Say some shit like that to my wife and see how fast it lands you in the emergency room, there, door man. There I said it, forgive me but I just feel the need to stand up for the big ladies, and the big gentlemen.

 

All our lives its been people like you who have made us feel like we are somehow "less than", or "not good enough" or "ugly" or whatever because of our size.

 

I went to a doctor recently for a physical and he found some problems. Those problem have been caused by excessive dieting. Yeah because I have been trying to lose weight for 30 years, and I keep going up and down now my metabolism is all screwed up I may have damaged my kidneys because of something called ketosis and it just keeps getting harder and harder to try and lose it and keep it off. My parents started this when I was 8 by sending me to "fat camp" in the summer, I went for like 3 years before my father got disgusted with me because I couldn't keep it off in the winter with the food they kept feeding me. They fed me damn it, so whose friggin' fault was it?

 

The doctors say that if I had just gone through life with what nature had planned for my body I wouldn't have these problems now.

 

So yeah I got a bone to pick with people who term themselves as "hot, attractive and fit" and yeah if your "Barbie and Ken" we just plain don't like your looks either so the feelings mutual.

 

It really burns my ass when I go on a swinger personals site like AFF and see people with ads that have stuff in them like, "blubber butts need not apply".

 

Get real pal this lifestyle is about way more than height and weight proportions. Or whether you nose is perfect or whether you have scars on you body.

 

If you saw a vet that had come just come home from the war in a club sitting with his special someone and he had a few scars from battle that were not too attractive or missing a limb are you gonna reject this guy on his looks?

 

Well this weekend we're going to a club for the first time and I just hope we don't run into any of this crap.

 

Ok I've ranted enough and I'm sure you'll all think this is a stellar premier post (sarcasm) but as you see, since I'm planning on sticking around, I'm heavily opinionated and not afraid to express it.

 

Peace.

[Swingercast 91]

Four or five years ago, before I ever went to a club, I probably had similar questions as the OP but in reverse. Am I too fat to go to a club? Is my dick too small? Will all the guys wanna jump my lady? (thankfully this last one turned out to be true).

 

I'm certainly glad that you have finally decided to make it out to a club. Enjoy yourself, have fun and then come back and tell us how it went.

 

I've found that the clubs have something for everyone. It's what YOU make of it that counts.

 

All the best.

[sereneiders 263]

De and Ci said:

Other than an on-premise club we visited in Mexico City that screened customers for attractiveness. We haven't been to any on-premise clubs or party houses in our area.

 

I would like to know if there are many on-premise clubs that screen for appearance, and if they do not, are all of the members unattractive and overweight.

 

This gives me an odd feeling.

 

At least here (Buenos Aires) it is illegal for a public place to discriminate people based on appearance, race, religion or so. On-premise clubs are at the verge of illegality for many reasons unrelated with the sex stuff, as to dare to screen people based on the way they look.

 

The fact is, there are clubs where you find mostly people of certain range of age, or sharing tastes like musical style, but you have people of many degrees of "beautiness" all mixed together.

 

Even when you can see in the same club people gathering in groups, and it is usual to see a group of "fashion model" like people, you also see a lot of "fashion model" like people who step away from them because they doesn't share they choices based on how you look, nor want to be confused with them. Those groups ends up isolated and sooner or later start losing people just because they get bored.

 

As for me, I don't know if I fit the "attractiveness" criteria of the clubs you mentioned, but I wouldn't attend such a club. We've meet people in all the shapes and sizes, and we found out our criteria to choose partners has very few to do with the way they look, and mostly to do with their attitude, humor sense, intelligence, and sensuality (and this has nothing to do with the way you look). We've meet many Ken & Barbie couples who also share our criteria.

 

I'd dare to say a club owner screening people on "attractiveness" isn't a swinger, or at least and for sure, isn't my kind of swinger: once you fulfill your eventual wish for the "model type" girl or man, it is no longer such a valuable feature. And people not so good looking usually develop their own ways to compensate this with other features or skills.

 

Besides the moral disagreement, I feel it's a big loss for a club to deprive the attendants from the chance of meeting those not so good looking people.

 

And I don't believe the choice for not screening people based on appearance to be a commercial one (and even if it were, it'd be one of the very few cases where your ethics goes hand by hand with your wallet), but an understanding of what swinging is about.

 

All of this reminds me of Chicup's advice #2 from his Basic newbie swinging mistakes post: "Expecting a fantasy couple". I'd say a club owner screening people on appearance is attempting to exploit this idealistic desire from many of the newbies and some not so newbies.

[LOL_OMG 130]

Pardon us for not reading all four pages, we are responding to the initial post. Skanky is in the eye of the beholder. Clubs are good because people of all ages, races and body types can get together, if it's an off night for what your looking for have fun with your So, if your in this for the right reasons it should not be a problem.

[Tybee Swing 286]

...it is the "Ken and Barbies" that don't have as much fun. We have a few fit playmates but we have found the "real" people are much more fun.

 

So, fit people aren't "real", and they're much less fun? Hmmm.

 

So yeah I got a bone to pick with people who term themselve as "hot, attractive and fit" and yeah if your "Barbie and Ken" we just plain don't like your looks either so the feelings mutual.

 

You sound as if when you see a couple who appear to be the kind who are into fitness, you make a decision about them. Do you immediately think of these people as "Barbie and Ken" (plastic) when you see them, and decide right away that you don't like them?

 

It seems to me that people in both camps are apt to make odd and absurd judgments about people they don't even know, and may be only getting a first look at. Just as overweight doesn't equal "skanky" (a weird comment made earlier in this thread), being in shape, HWP or into fitness and health doesn't make a person not "real", much less fun to be around, or "Barbie and Ken". Nice, fun and friendly people come in a variety of sizes.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Tybee Swing said:

So, fit people aren't "real", and they're much less fun?

 

That's the word on the street, T...

 

 

The funny thing is, since we decided to start swinging, I've lost 40 lbs, started running half marathons, doing some fairly extreme camping and generally living a much more fit life. Sure, it makes me feel better about myself, but it is also better for me...

 

Sadly, this turns some people off...

 

You do what you can to be better looking, and people consider you less attractive...

 

But - what are you gonna do?

 

 

Me? I am going to keep working out, changing things, setting goals, setting an example for my kids and basically being the best me I can be. If people don't like me because I've cured my "dunlap" disease, that is their loss...

 

Personally, I think people say this because it is easier than buying running shoes*

 

 

*I am using "running shoes" to refer to the many things people can do to get themselves in better shape. I am not referring to just running which not everyone can do.

[BiloxiCouple 695]

I used to be real attractive. Then there was that marriage, kids, combat tour, Katrina, diabetes, hearts stents and the list goes on.

 

Somewhere in there we started swinging. You know what? It don't matter.

 

Live, Love and Laugh.

[Spoomonkey 421]

BiloxiCouple said:

Somewhere in there we started swinging. You know what? It don't matter.

 

Live, Love and Laugh.

 

Exactly...

 

Attitude is everything...

[SW_PA_Couple 4,026]

I don't bother the beautiful people and they don't bother me. The experience that JoAnn and I have had at clubs is that people, whether shaped like hourglasses, Greek gods, pears or pumpkins, are generally friendly. Sometimes we surprise ourselves. One or the other of us will pass a really gorgeous person and get a genuinely warm response. The key, I suspect, is to display a smile.

[Tybee Swing 286]

The experience that JoAnn and I have had at clubs is that people, whether shaped like hourglasses, Greek gods, pears or pumpkins, are generally friendly.

 

This has been our experience, too. In various states and different kinds of clubs, everyone seems nice to everyone. We've never seen anyone being rude to anybody in a club or party regarding size/shape/status/beauty.

 

Which is why I don't understand:

 

I don't bother the beautiful people and they don't bother me.

 

On occasion, we've seen small groups/cliques who seemed mainly closed off to "outsiders", but it felt more like they were there with their friends exclusively and didn't want to mix it up with strangers/new people. Or they were the much younger set who wanted to stay separate socially from the others. That's their prerogative - it's all good. It didn't bother us at all.

[badboyooplik 15]

When we went last night. We found a mix of people of all shapes, sizes, colors, races, and whatever. The place was packed with folks of all kinds. It was great fun we met a big broup of people who we will play with again., on and off premises. We met big people and thin people and big people into thin people and thin people into big people. WE had a ton of fun(no pun intended). I think we are going to become regulars there.

 

Absolutely noone made us feel anything negative about our weight.

[sexcupid 809]

I'm going to go out on a limb here.

 

Some of the previous comments in this thread basically allude to the equation:

 

overweight/fat = skanky

 

While I may not be as skinny as I was just a few years ago, and I do consider myself overweight...I sure do not drop into the skanky category b/c of that. Where I'm from, skanky comes in all shapes and sizes.

 

When we go out, I try to make sure I look nice. Hair and makeup, cute outfit, etc. We've been to the clubs a couple of times...and among other things, I was suprised at how many looked like they had just rolled out of bed from a nap.

 

Or my personal favorite...the wife or gf is dressed like a streetwalker...but the male half of the couple is the one looking like something the cat dragged in (baggy, scroungy looking tshirts and jeans). Seeing that just gives me a creeped out feeling...like the guy either isn't (or doesn't think) he's cute enough to add to the attractiveness of the couple, so he's just going to pimp out the wife and see if that works. JMO tho.

 

This from clubs who make sure to note on their websites 'dress to impress' and things of that nature.

 

Maria