Have your swinging rules changed over time?

[theflamekasters 20]

We have changed our rules on occasion. Sometimes we have even bent them, but only after disscussing it first. I think it is just a natural progression as you get more and more comfortable in the lifestyle.

 

He is right, We have changed our rules over time, and eventhough we havent been in the ls as long as toycple our rules have chnaged greatly. Some of our rules are simply based on the cpl. We are more liberal on our rules with a couple we know real well, then a cpl we just met!

[VegasLee 1,486]

We started with simple rules.

 

We don't lie to each other.

 

We don't look for someone to replace each other.

 

We always leave the party together at the end of the night.

 

Many years later we still have the same rules.

 

Keeping it simple has worked for us.

[LFM2 1,482]

OMG... When we first started to swing, we had every rule you can think of. Now, these were mostly on my part. Dave would have agreed to anything. We started out with I'm guessing over 20 rules. Seriously. No kissing, no hugging, no cuddling, no bareback, no anal, no whatever -- It's almost like I wanted his life to be a living hell...

 

We've cut those rules by 18 on our first play date out. We're still strictly a no bareback couple and no separate rooms. Everything else is up for grabs.

[SnowwwWhite 39]

Thanks... some great answers today. I'm learning a lot. I appreciate you guys opening up.

[FunCalifCple 17]

As long as it’s shrink wrapped, everything else us up for grabs…(quote taken from prior response).......

[TNT 1,155]

Thinking back, the main rules/boundaries we had were condoms always and, we'd keep it very discreet.

 

 

We have relaxed the condom rule and will now play without one with those we've come to know and trust.

 

The 'very discreet' rule...well, that's still in play to a point...we're at the point in our lives that we really don't care who knows...We still try and keep it discreet for the last kid at home...the other three know, and obviously don't care but, until that last one is out of the house, and we know 100% he's okay with it (like his sisters), we'll still play the discreet card.

 

 

Teresa

[theflamekasters 20]

our main rule is we dont play seperate, and that has changed since we started.

 

Now at a House Party we will go off, as long as the other is occupied, so no one is setting out there twiddling there thumbs while the other plays!!

 

No anal for her

 

No single Men

 

Always tell the other you are going to play

 

Always end up together at the end of the night(no spending the night with some one else)

 

Be honest

 

We have talked about an openrelationship with the right couple, and that would open a whole new door of rules!!

[MrkLin 393]

We've added some, dropped some, and re-evaluated some. SandJinVT said it best by using the word 'evolve.' As our lifestyle activities have evolved, so have our rules. Some rules are written in stone, such as; the minute either of us feels uncomfortable with anything at all, we stop and talk about it. Some rules we've dropped because they're not applicable to us anymore (like me not having sex with another woman - this was before we became a full-swap couple.) Some rules we've added - like swinging separately is ok with the other's prior permission, and provided we both know the person involved.

 

Relationships evolve, so doesn't it make sense that rules and limits would too?

[SaSsyNsWeEt 41]

Before we started swinging we set down a laundry list of rules, one was no sex in our bed...then the first night we ever played we had sex in our bed!

 

We have a few standard rules we still live by, but mostly we found it best to just go with the flow as long as everyone is comfortable and having FUN!

[mwc_mich 16]

WE started with a pretty healthy list of rules and quickly found out we didn't need them. Always respect each other and communicate openly. If either of us is uncomfortable then it is time to stop. When it stops being fun then its time to stop!

 

Its simple as that!

[metroman 17]

We used to have a whole list when we first started but the majority of them have been thrown out. We have decided that simple is better, not for everybody I guess, but works for us.

 

 

This comment by GT, in another thread, prompted me to ask:

 

Now that you have been swinging for awhile, have your rules fallen by the wayside?

 

I know ours have changed substaintially since we started and I don't think that is bad. I know of a lot of couples that have also changed. I am curious about everyone else.

 

I also wanted to see who changed the rules, so this poll accepts multiple options.

 

Yes, our rules have changed since we started. We know what we like or will accept from other sex partners. We each have decided for ourselves and our comfort level. Mrs decided "No anal, no swallowing", Mr decided "a man slut" - We decided - "same room play only". At first we were working out of a theory. We find this is an evolving process and also depends on the interaction of the other couple. Rigid rules will make for hot arguments - We sometimes have trust issue but the only thing we will really fight for is "US" - Our Relationship!

[AskMeOk 148]

One of the first couples we ever met had so many rules you needed a play book and a coach to make sure you didn't cross the line(s) or offend.

 

That was so cumbersome we decided that we'd try having no rules.... and that worked, until we found peculiar situations that demanded some structure.

 

So... we still don't have that many rules and the ones we have address specific and (fairly) narrow situations that suit us.

 

Our opinion, but starting with a blank slate and adding restrictions as they are found necessary seems to be the most efficient course.... but you'd better have CLEAR and FAST lines of communication.....

[Sophy 568]

Those are the rules that we started with that in some point we have broken, we still try to apply those rules but now we are more "flexible" with the appropriate people/situation

 

1. Same room

2. Condoms only

3. Anal Sex

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Those are the rules that we started with that in some point we have broken, we still try to apply those rules but now we are more "flexible" with the appropriate people/situation

 

1. Same room

2. Condoms only

3. Anal Sex

 

Is that a yes to anal sex or a no to anal sex?

[Sophy 568]

a few of my play-partners have requested about anal sex specially during doggy-position, (I think gents get over simulated in that position )

I have nicely rejected them and they forget about it.

 

The only time I did it with a play-partner was with one of our "special friends" we were having sex and he was doing a very good job

Suddenly he requested anal sex... he had the right penis-size, the manners, apparently he had plenty of experience with his wife and I was in the mood, so I decided to give it a try and I accepted:

He put a condom on and we used plenty of lubricant, few seconds later we managed to accomplish a full penetration, but after a couple of minutes we decided to stop because the outcome was so poor for both of us.

So he removed the condom an then we resumed what we were doing our regular vagina/oral but very fun sex.

 

-So Anal Sex is something that I don't really pursue-

[M&S 266]

Our rules have evolved over time, but the principles have remained the same. We started as very soft swap, really just girl/play and then parallel voyeuristic sex. We are still soft swap but are more at the other end of soft swap - we go same room swapping and enjoy oral with other couple, just no penetration. The principle for us though, is that this is about having sexual experiences together, thus the same room and the "swapping" part is limited.. we prefer more of a "melange".

[Fours Company 169]

It was not easy picking a single answer, but although I choose the "modified slightly, same principal answer", in reality our experiences could include the "eliminated but a few standard rules","wife changed the rules" and "changed our rules together" answers as well.

 

Some of the rules we started out with have been totally eliminated (soft-swap, no kissing); still in place but bent according to circumstance (condoms, no single guys) and ironclad will always remain (anal, BDSM).

 

When we changed rules most of the time it was together yet certain instances such as no-condom or full swap were unintentionally changed by the wife in the heat of the moment , the result being her breaching different boundaries before me.

 

The latest still technically in place, but bent, has been same-room only and it's been our experience the further and longer one goes into the LS, the more likely rules will change.

[Cancuple-he 37]

Like most, our rules have evolved over time... funny how "rules" change given the circumstances when actually faced with specific situations isn't it? Initially we had a "Females" only rule... but quickly discovered there aren't THAT many "unicorns" out there!

 

I remember having a "no full swap" rule, which has since gone by the way side. We also had a no MFM rule that also went the way of the dodo bird...

 

The no anal rule is still intact (so far...), but I DO recall a thumb in the back door of Mrs. Cancuple during a particularly steamy session of "Doggie!" So maybe someday that rule will get an amendment as well!

[M1F2KTJ 473]

We voted for "We changed the rules together". When you first start out you make decisions/rules about what you will or won't allow but as you have more experiences you become more comfortable with allowing some things you might have been "afraid" to experience. Some things might have happened by chance before either of you had a chance to intervene and it ended up being a positive experience.