Condoms in the Lifestyle?

[curious24 17]

I've noticed something on some sites that I just don't understand. It seems to me that on this site the majority of people practice safe sex and use condoms. However, I have seen images from several single guys and even couples that have them in the act and I have not once seen any guys using condoms. Is the use of condoms in the lifestyle not really used much? Do these images give the wrong impression of the lifestyle and it's safty?

[curiousduo30 30]

I've noticed something on some sites that I just don't understand. It seems to me that on this site the majority of people practice safe sex and use condoms.

 

I think this is true, but I know that a lot of people (myself excluded) do not use them with partners.

 

However, I have seen images from several single guys and even couples that have them in the act and I have not once seen any guys using condoms.

 

We do not use condoms with each other, so as a couple (unless they were involved in play with others, which you probably mean...) we would not be too concerned with this...Totally different story if they were with others and also with the single men...I would be put off by this as well.

 

Is the use of condoms in the lifestyle not really used much? Do these images give the wrong impression of the lifestyle and it's safty?

 

I think the use of condoms is predominant, meaning that they are used in swing situations (in my limited experience) but, I also believe that these "condomless" pictures totally give a VERY BAD impression of this lifestyle and it's safety...

[DBL D 120]

It's really quite difficult to change a person's mind on the subject of using condoms. People will use them for basically two purposes. Protection from certain STD's and the risk of pregnancy.

 

It appears that we all believe we are the only safe ones on the planet, and we need protection from everybody else, like those people who walk around with those latex gloves on wherever they go. They are protected from "us" but we aren't from "them". They don't use their gloves like a condom is used though, which I hope is a new one for EACH sexual encounter!

 

However, I think most couples use condoms until they reach a comfort/trust/documented level. If some told you they had a cold you'd use different tactics when around them or something they had contacted. Most swingers are comfortable with the assumption that everyone else has a "cold". That is not to say that they all do and you have to find out those that aren't sick and trust them as you would your spouse, to some degree, if you are going in with out protection.

 

What those photos may be telling you is what is possible with this couple if certain things become clearly understood. It may be telling you something about their personalities. They may also have been from the "old" days. They may also just be photos of themselves with each other, which is always bareback!

 

Male D

[Greg & Sheryl 369]

We do believe that condoms are less prevalent in swinging than one might initially think, and we said so last year in a great thread about Bareback Swingers. However, the photos that you see probably don't accurately represent the rate of condom usage in the lifestyle. As DBL D suggested, many of those photos are of married or committed couples with each other. In photos where couples are engaged in a bareback swap, our guess is that those couples have known each other long enough to develop a certain level of comfort and trust. That bond which led them to go bareback is probably the same bond which allowed them photograph their playtime in the first place.

[lcjtsd 20]

We prefer not to use condoms and do everything naturally. We state this in our ad and so we don't get many people writing to us which I think is funny as it seems that everyone does oral without one. We look at it this way; if my wife was to do oral on another guy and I with his wife, with nothing covered up, and they did have something, what's the point of condoms for intercourse? If they did have something, we most likely already got it from the oral.

 

As was stated in the "Bareback Swingers" thread, we choose people based on certain similarities such as how long they have been married, etc. and feel that like us, the odds of them having something is less likely.

 

Also, we do like cream pies and seconds and are looking for other couples that are in to this too. This is what we like so being with another couple who insists on condoms would kind of take the fun out of this for us.

 

Sex with others is risky and everyone has to choose their own comfort level.

[xxoticangel 99]

Personally if I felt comfortable enough with another couple/single to allow pictures I would probably be comfortable enough with that person to not use condoms.

 

For us condoms are required for intercourse when playing with others. However, I have noticed over the last year or so that the use of condoms among swinging couples seems to have declined. This past summer we saw several couples change partners sans latex and have been asked to so without with new couples more than once.

 

The reason STDs are so rare in the lifestyle is because most people require condoms. I am a little distressed at the current trend away from their use.

[good times 991]

We have noticed that it seems like people want to be politically correct and say that they use condoms when asked, but when it comes right down to it a lot of them don't, at least in our area. It has been our experiance that well less than half of the people we know in the lifestyle actually use condoms when swinging unless the other party specifically requests that they do so.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Greg & Sheryl said:

That bond which led them to go bareback is probably the same bond which allowed them photograph their playtime in the first place.

 

I think this probably does hit the nail right on the noggin'.

 

Most of the pictures we have seen, we've assumed that they were the actual couple - and therefore safe sex wasn't an issue.

 

We have been surprised by the couples who seem surprised when we actually carry through with our "condoms only" rule once we get into a play room.

 

We were playing with a couple once who knew our rule about that, both through lots of conversation and a "before we play" e-mail. But yet, when I pulled one out to "glove up" she looked over at her husband and said, "they use condoms sweetie... You'll need a condom..."

 

 

I do think the condom rule flexes with comfort, but we have only played without with one couple and that was a really close friendship (at the time). We are very unlikely to go there again. It just makes things much less complicated and less stressful.

[sereneiders 263]

We look at it this way; if my wife was to do oral on another guy and I with his wife, with nothing covered up, and they did have something, what's the point of condoms for intercourse? If they did have something, we most likely already got it from the oral.

 

Well, that's a very wrong asumption, and moreover for HIV.

 

Saliva is a seldom stong antiseptic by itself, and some viruses like the HIV, have a very short life outside a viable biological medium. The risk of getting something from doing oral comes mostly from little injuries in the gums and teeths which become a direct path to the blood stream without giving saliva enough time to work.

 

As example, even when theet brushing is an appreciated "good taste" measure before engaging in a sexual act, today it is being adviced to do it long before the actual meeting, because the bruching is most likely to leave tinny wounds that need an hour or two to heal properly, so theet brushing may become a threat for your health.

 

Anyway, intercourse involve a lot of skin to skin contact and rubbing, old skin cells are lifted and may drag healty skin to make little scars, that even being invisible, turns into a path to the blood stream. This is way more likely to happen in anal intercourse, since the rectum walls are way more tender than the vagina ones.

 

The gals (well... the "takers" ones) are the in more risk because semen, and in a lesser degree precum, have blood white cells (hence the white color). In oral, without swallowing, saliva may be enough as an antiseptic, and swallowing increases the exposure along the digestive tract up to the stomacj where acids get rid of the threat. In the other hand, umprotected vaginal intercourse is risky because of the rubbing and the chances for semen white cells to reach the womb coating made mostly of blood cells, and unprotected anal is, by far, the most risky of all.

 

For the "giving" side, the risk comes solely from the rubbing.

 

So, "if they did have something and you didn't got it from oral, consider yourself lucky and don't dare your fate without a condom".

[lcjtsd 20]

Here we go again. Someone has to start flamethrow . The ORIGINAL questions was "Is the use of condoms in the lifestyle not really used much?". We give our reason why we prefer not to use them and someone has to leave the original question and make an issue of our post. We know the risk. That's why we choose to play with people like ourselves ie. married a while, kids the same age etc.

 

sereneiders, if you want to talk about the risk of STD's and condom use, there are other threads dedicated for that. If you would like to stay to the original intent of this post all you have to do is say that you prefer condoms for whatever reason you have. You didn't have to quote us and then start preaching about STD's.

 

We happen to like "sloppy seconds" and "creampies". How would we enjoy this with everyone covered up? So, by sticking to the original intent of this thread, we posted our reason for not using condoms.

 

Some prefer condoms, some don't, so what?

[looking2swing 17]

Is the use of condoms in the lifestyle not really used much?

I have seen several instances when couples swing and do not use protection. However, when my husband and I engage in sexual intercourse with others, a condom is required. I have learned to bring extras with me because many times the other person does not have one. We have not been in the lifestyle long enough to really notice if there has been a decline in the use of condoms. I can understand that couples bond with others and feel comfortable to engage in activities without condoms, but for the most part, I feel that condoms need to be used.

[tribbles 490]

We are still new enough to require them but at many clubs I see a lot more bareback than I expected.

And hear of more bareback attempts from a single bi female I am friends with.

[dragonblade 27]

Being new to the lifestyle, I couldn't imagine not using condoms. I don't believe hubby and I would change our minds about it either. Maybe it's cause we're young, and maybe it's because we've always been taught use protection, but I couldn't see ever living with myself the fact that I got something from my "extracarricular activities". My child grow up without me? No way. Break my parents hearts because I wanted to play au natural and got HIV? No, thanks. To each their own I guess, but I'll always reserve bareback for my husband and husband only.

[HAPPYCAMPERS80 15]

When we meet new people we require condoms, however when we are in our trusted group everything is bareback and so much more enjoyable.

 

One of the rules in our group is that every six months the couple who are a nurse and doctor in real life takes a blood sample and checks for any type of disease.

 

We have a group of 8 couples that meet twice a month, and have a game of surprise Wednesday every week.

[EvilMJ 65]

Most of the people we play with are condom only. Except one. She seems to be bareback all the time ( I know that as I have gone to parties and stuff wtih her and have seen her in action ).

 

For us it is just a personal choice. Condoms all the time. I am a paranoid person and can still get pregnant and I am afraid of STD's.

[sereneiders 263]

lcjtsd said:

sereneiders, if you want to talk about the risk of STD's and condom use, there are other threads dedicated for that. If you would like to stay to the original intent of this post all you have to do is say that you prefer condoms for whatever reason you have. You didn't have to quote us and then start preaching about STD's.

 

I apologize for my preaching. Anyway, if you read my post, I just quoted your sentence, thus I wasn't answering the original question. And I wouldn't if you just had said something about your preferences without an statement about the way you perceive the risks involved. Moreover, you phrased it as a question: "what's the point of condoms for intercourse?".

 

Wether you like it or not, this is an open forum, what we put here not only evolve into some sort of conversation and opinions exchange, everyone else can look in the forums searching for information, and notoriously, people curious about the lifestyle, so as far as I am concerned, we should have certain degree of responsibility... at least I feel I should.

 

About your post, it may lead someone to take the same wrong STD's risk evaluation, just because we often just stick to arguments that fit our wishes, and let's be honest.... condoms are hateful, I agree. And even more, it may lead someone, perhaps curious about swinging, to believe we all share a kamikaze attitude which turns us into a high risk group of people that's better to avoid, even when this belief may be wrong because you may be taking other measures to ensure your partners are safe even when you just didn't pointed out that.

 

Particularly, I dislike to be seen that way. One thing I pointed out in our intro was my amazement for the high moral standards I found among lifestylers, meaning not the hypocritical morality, instead the responsibility and care for themselves and the others, and I prefer to honor this perception, thus, as you have the right to show yourself the way you like, I have the same right to tell everyone "hey, this opinion doesn't represent mine, and moreover, i believe it lead to a wrong risk perception".

 

So, I am not picking on you because of your tastes, I respect your tastes and even the way you perceive the involved risks, but that's you personal viewpoint. As for me, by now I already accounted 20 friends of mine who die from HIV, and no one of these were swingers. I apologize for trying to make a pale intend against the irreversible facts of our life: I cannot bring any of them back, but I'd prefer to keep the list this short.

 

As for me, to answer the original question, condoms are mandatory for intercourse but not for oral (without ejaculation, that would require condom), and yes, this is a hateful measure. If there were no risk involved, I'd be the first one to make a pile of condoms and set a fire with them in the middle of the street.

[Carol_Danny 17]

Dito I was going to answer lcjtsd's post in the same manner, just because of the line, "what's the point of condoms for intercourse?".

 

When we started, NO ONE used condoms. AIDS was still considered a Gay disease, and we really were all quite ignorant about the facts. We started using condoms 100% of the time for any penetration back in 1997, and our use of condoms has no bearing on the comfort level we have with our partners. Unlike with my partner, I am not with these people all the time, and I do not know what they do when they aren't with us. We know couples that swear to be "swinger monogamous" but we also know at least 2 couples where the male partners screw around behind the wifes back. She doesn't know, and their partners don't know, but they all believe they are sexually loyal to the group. We have know similar stories for many years. Because of things like that, no, we do not "trust" anyone's word when it comes to sex, so play it as safe as we feel comfortable. I'm not preaching, just giving our reasons for safer-sex.

 

As for the original question, yes, I think that similar to the Gay community, and with the lower rates of infection the past number of years, and the introduction of anti-viral's, more people are taking chances with bareback sex. But now, as in the early '90s, those rates are rising once again.

 

The Swinger community from the '80s never used condoms, but that changed in the '90s with the influx of STI's into the "straight" community. Most of the swingers that made that change (who we know) still practise safer-sex.

[WesternSwing 504]

We have only not used condoms with one couple, on one occasions, and we know them quite well. They use them together because she is not on the pill, so we gave him the present of letting him not use one with Mrs. WS since she is P-safe. But we have every time since then.

 

Other then that, the rule is "no glove, no love". If anything it leads to longer lasting men.

[lcjtsd 20]

sereneiders, thank you. Yes, this is an open forum. It just seemed to us as a flamethrow and if we took it incorrect, I'm sorry.

 

To clarify our point about "What's the point of Condoms for intercourse", your own post said it for us. You were mentioning about brushing your teeth (which I hope everyone does before they go and play LOL) which could lead to tiny cuts in the gums which would increase the chances of catching something via oral. What OUR attitude on this is, let's say my wife is giving oral, unprotected, to a guy who does have something. (Doctors have seen many cases of STD's in the mouth/throat area). When it comes time for intercourse, she has already caught whatever STD it was, so good thing she had him put a condom on, right? This is our attitude.

 

We believe that we are like the majority of people in this lifestyle who do unprotected oral, I also know that we are in the minority of those who do unprotected everything.

 

We don't go out and have sex with different people every night. We play about avery 4-6 months and do know the people we are with well. At least well enough to have no-condom sex with them. We state in our ad that we don't like using them.

 

So, to answer the original poster of this thread, sex with others is taking a risk and you need to choose your own comfort level. We just choose to play riskier than others because of our particular preferences. Some will say that we are playing with fire, others will wish they has met us earlier.

 

Also, most pictures in the peoples' profiles are of the husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend together and that is why you don't see condoms in the pics.

[sereneiders 263]

lcjtsd said:

We just choose to play riskier than others because of our particular preferences. Some will say that we are playing with fire, others will wish they has met us earlier.

 

That's fair enough for me.

 

Should some day new virulent disease bring up that require us to meet each other with special suits and no one would have any physical contact, then I'd choose not to wear such a suit.

 

Life involve risks, car accidents are one of the main cause of death, but you wont take the measure of avoiding driving nor crossing a street anymore. Some sports involve way more risk than unprotected sex and no one pick on the ones who practice them.

 

Everyone have his or her own boundaries between risk and safety, it is just a matter of how you want to live your life, so I cannot say you're out of your mind, and moreover, I respect your choice.

[curious24 17]

sereneiders said:

Life involve risks, car accidents are one of the main cause of death, but you won't take the measure of avoiding driving nor crossing a street anymore. Some sports involve way more risk than unprotected sex and no one pick on the ones who practice them.

So following this train of thought do you ride in your car without a seat belt on? In my opinion you might as well. The reason I say this is that it seems to me that you trust everyone's driving skills enough that there are no crazy drivers out there that are going to drive you off the road and aren't going to cause any type of accident.

 

For me it's the same way with sex. Put your seat belt on and you'll have a better chance if there is an accident than without one on.

 

just my .02.

[sereneiders 263]

So following this train of thought do you ride in your car without a seat belt on?

 

Hey, that's not MY train of thoughts, this came from a little exchange of ideas we had, where I understood that lcjtsd was saying it was pointless to use a seat belt, so I answered back ponting out about the benefits of the seat belts, and they claimes I was "preaching", and... well, read on the actual thread.

 

I agree with you and I assure you, I wear my seat belt.

 

I just said I understand and respect the ones who feel that driving isn't driving while wearing it. We won't meet in the same car, but that's another story.

 

sereneiders

[meandher2go 17]

we ALWAYS use condoms. Her is still able to get pregnant and i dont want a kid period, forget someone elses..

[DBL D 120]

People can get killed from a very small collision. Still comparing the two is "Apples'n'Oranges"...

[Platinum24 18]

As far as I've seen, the 2 times i've been at the club, couples don't use condoms but anyone else that wants to do a member of a couple does.

[DBL D 120]

Platinum24 said:

...couples don't use condoms but anyone else that wants to do a member of a couple does.

 

Can you clarify this a bit more, please?

[janaandjames 24]

We definitely require condoms.

 

There was a time when we had a regular "guest" for MFM's ... and after awhile i let him have sex with me without one, but he was the only one besides hubby that has ever ridden bareback with me. That was a special case. Other than that, its non negotiable ... no tickee no washee

[Thrax 384]

I do not use condoms with one couple and one SF. With everyone else, the rascal is wrapped.

[Platinum24 18]

What I mean is, I've only been to this particular swingers club twice. Actually, I've been to the first one twice too. At the first one, this guy and girl came into the theater and had sex on the bed. They used a condom.

 

At the 2nd club, I saw condomless sex...but only couples did that. I saw a single guy use a condom on a married woman.