Do you keep a list of who you've played with?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This quote is from the thread on "How many Partners have you had?"

 

pairbond said:

Julie, we don't put notches on our bedposts or keep diaries either. What we DO, though, is keep an excel file of names & dates. Hopefully we won't ever need that, but if the Health Department ever notified us that someone we had been with had an STD and wanted us to get ourselves checked out and wanted to know who WE had been with, we think it is only responsible to keep records.

 

Rather than continue to take that thread in a direction away from its original intent, I thought this would make for an interesting discussion.

 

I, for one,

 

a) would not want to find out that I was on anyone's written record of who they have slept with. As a response in the other thread said, what if someone (who should not) were to come upon said list. What if you pissed off someone and they found your list only to opt to not only hurt you but everyone you've contacted?

 

b) I can say with fair certainty that I could never make such an accurate list, for the simple reason of many of those that I have had sex with I don't know the last names of (let alone their addresses or other contact information). So should there be an issue where my past partners would need to be contacted, I (and moreso they I guess) would be in trouble.

 

I would like to ask what others think and feel about this. As an issue of responsibility, I do see Pairbond's point. But, at the same time, isn't that a risk that we all take, to one degree or another?

 

Do you keep any sort of a list of those you have had sexual contact with? If so, why (is it for responsibility reasons as Pairbond mentioned or for some other reason).

[JandT_Elkhart 76]

We started keeping "a list" but only of first names, and the file was named some obscure thing so nobody could ever know.

 

From there, from memory, we could find a username or email address.

 

I don't see a "list" anything different than not deleting email correspondance... probably less of a privacy thing, even.

[good times 991]

No, we don't keep a list. I guess I can kind of see their point but I have to say that it would kind of bother me to know I was on that kind of list. I have no problem with being in someones contact list or something of that nature, but being on a list of people that someone had sex with seems different to me in a kind of creepy way.

[Spoomonkey 421]

Ditto.

 

Definitely a creepy factor going on.

 

We have not kept a list - heck we don't know everyone's FIRST NAMES for sure... I would feel very uncomfortable about being on some list.

[TNT 1,155]

The only list we keep are in our heads.

 

Should an occasion arise where I needed to contact someone I've had sex with, I could maybe, possibly, probably get in contact with most of them but definitely not all of them. Ummm, there are a few I just don't remember their names :rollseyes

 

As far as being on someone elses list....well I would hope that that would be something that was discussed prior to playing , as I would want to be given the choice of being put on any list.

 

Teresa

[Spoomonkey 421]

TNT said:

As far as being on someone elses list....well I would hope that that would be something that was discussed prior to playing , as I would want to be given the choice of being put on any list.

 

If it wasn't discussed before hand, I better have a gold star or two by my name

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

This is why we REALLY want to know who we are having sex with. Specifically must have similar interests besides group sex

[LikeMinds321 1,527]

The pairbond quote came after his previous post where he stated "After nearly 9 years of swinging, she now has had intercourse with 42 men and I have had intercourse with 34 women."

 

Rarely do people live in the same place for long these days. I doubt any such list would be useful for getting back in touch with those you may have passed along an STD to.

 

Lists, they are for people who like to smile and pat themselves on the back while keeping their bedposts flawless.

[Chicup 41]

Spoomonkey said:

We have not kept a list - heck we don't know everyone's FIRST names for sure... I would feel very uncomfortable about being on some list.

 

You know, come to think of it, we don't know the last names of our last three couples, be amusing if they also lied about their first names.

[savannah_bi_fem 16]

It never occurred to me that somebody might have our names documented on their sex list. I agree with those who felt a creepy vibe about that. Although it never occurred to me before to use fake names in the lifestyle, this might make me think.

 

I also would find it creepy, keeping a head count of lifestyle conquests or knowing my spouse was keeping a head count, for me. It would feel like he was "keeping score" or something. No offense to others, but not my style!

[good times 991]

Chicup said:

You know, come to think of it, we don't know the last names of our last three couples, be amusing if they also lied about their first names.

 

That's funny, now that you mention it for swinging we have some business cards made up that we give to playmates with contact information but no last name. The people we have become friends with in swinging know our last name but most don't.

[curiousagain 326]

Spoo beat me to it. I was gonna say, I don't mind being on the list if they're hot and I've got 4 stars by my name.

 

Seriously, I don't think I would like that at all.

[Mrs Spoomonkey 118]

I agree it is kind of creepy to think of being on someone's "list". Spoo and I often discuss how far we have come in the lifestyle (I think there is a thread on this) and use playmates as points of reference so to speak. But keep a list It's all in our heads and sometimes even between the two of us we can't remember. Ah, the mind is the first to go

 

Except for a few people, we only know first names and then those may not be their real names. No I'm afraid if the board of health wanted to track anyone through us they'd be out of luck.

[JnCC 24]

About a year ago, an ex-girlfriend asked me how many women I'd slept with. I really had no idea, so I gave her my best estimate. Later, I asked my best guy-friend how many women he'd been with, and he really didn't know either. On a lark, we each listed all the ones we could remember. We found that our first, off-the-cuff estimates were low by a factor of about 2/3rd's.

 

Although my "list" goes back over 35 years, I remembered the first name of almost everybody who rated a place on it. In the few cases where a name has faded from memory, some other identifying feature had to suffice. Thus, "CAN R.N. L.A" was a Canadian nurse in Los Angeles, "UAL, PDX" stood for a flight attendant in Portland, Oregon.

 

As it now exists, "The List" is kept ONLY on my computer, in an encrypted folder along with various pictures, letters, and e-mails that will die along with me when the time comes. That way, my family won't have to deal with the kind of shit Bob Crane's family did after he was murdered, and neither will anyone else's.

 

I'm sure that some women would be offended to learn (if it were possible)that their name was on a "list." But knowing how diligently many women keep written diaries, journals, day planners, and now, e-mails, I'm quite sure that I'm on a few "lists" too.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

LikeMinds321 said:

The pairbond quote came after his previous post where he stated "After nearly 9 years of swinging, she now has had intercourse with 42 men and I have had intercourse with 34 women."

 

Rarely do people live in the same place for long these days. I doubt any such list would be useful for getting back in touch with those you may have passed along an STD to.

 

Lists, they are for people who like to smile and pat themselves on the back while keeping their bedposts flawless.

 

If you have first AND last names, and have some past contact info for them, you can track them down. There's lots of great internet services just for that purpose.

[WildMiCouple 325]

We've never even thought of keeping a list. I don't think we know any last names anyway.....as we usually just see them at the dances. Perhaps when the girls are off to college and we entertain at home....we'll know last names

 

Would it bother me if I was on someone's list?......nah, probably not. Part of the risk of playing I guess. Not much gets under my skin these days anyway.

[curiousagain 326]

Although my "list" goes back over 35 years, I remembered the first name of almost everybody who rated a place on it. In the few cases where a name has faded from memory, some other identifying feature had to suffice. Thus, "CAN R.N. L.A" was a Canadian nurse in Los Angeles, "UAL, PDX" stood for a flight attendant in Portland, Oregon..

 

I can't even get my kids names right some of the time. I'm afraid busty blonde from Birmingham wouldn't help the CDC one iota. Just a tip from personal experience guys, when you run into someone, and they act like you ought to remember them and you have no freaking idea who they are, act like you know them but don't call them by the name you think is right.

 

 

But knowing how diligently many women keep written diaries, journals, day planners, and now, e-mails, I'm quite sure that I'm on a few "lists" too.

 

You know THAT'S right.

[djjwp 129]

I’m sure I’m on two lists, my ex-wife’s and Santa’s. Somehow I do not believe it’s the “nice” list

[valley 25]

Ever since I was a young girl I kept a diary.It included all my 'intimacies' as I grew older.

 

I still keep a diary as I did before.In fact I keep two now.Something hubby and I decided on.So if you want to call that a 'list' then yes, I do have one...with pics.I love it.

[txduo2000 18]

Personally, I don't mind if someone adds me to a list. After all, you really can't control what others do. I would just hope that if someone did as us to a list that they would have it for personal use only, and not to any detrimental end.

 

With that said, we keep our lists in our head, which is why I voted on the Number of Partners Poll an estimate, because I do not have a specific number or recollection. We do try to get their first names, even if it is after the fact.

[pairbond 19]

We certainly have vastly different ideas of "creepy." It's hard for us to even conceive that anyone participating in swinging and having multiple sex partners would NOT keep track of those they have had sex with. If the Health Department should contact you and say that someone you have been with has tested positive for some STD and you may have been exposed, and would want to know who YOU have been with in the past 6 months, it would be totally irresponsible NOT to be able to notify people you have been with that they may have inadvertently been exposed also.

 

Swinging entails responsibility, not just fun. We will continue to keep a list, although it contains only first names. WE know who these people are. Nobody who ever gained access to the list would know who these people are without their last names, which are not given on our list.

 

Certainly, however, if we were ever notified that we may have been exposed to STDs, and thus may have inadvertently exposed others, we would feel that it is our responsibility to be able to notify the people we've been with so that they could immediately get themselves checked out.

 

To do otherwise, in our opinion, is completely irresponsible swinging behavior.

[WildMiCouple 325]

pairbond said:

It's hard for us to even conceive that anyone participating in swinging and having multiple sex partners would NOT keep track of those they have had sex with. If the Health Department should contact you and say that someone you have been with has tested positive for some STD and you may have been exposed, and would want to know who YOU have been with in the past 6 months, it would be totally irresponsible NOT to be able to notify people you have been with that they may have inadvertently been exposed also.

 

For the Health Department to contact you.......it means that the couple with the STD would have had to be keeping a list. I'd bet less than 10% of us swingers keeps such a list. I'd also be surprised that a couple that kept such a list......and tested positive for an STD, would turn over that list to the Health Department. Nothing like broadcasting your troubles to a close knit community, no matter how "moral" it would be. I certainly wouldn't expect such a call telling us "so and so has an STD and we'd better get tested". Which begs another question........if you contacted an STD, would you let the Health Department know of all the previous partners that you've had.....at least those that you know their names We don't have any close friends that we play with regularly in the lifestyle to inform, if it were to happen to us.....so I'm not exactly sure how we would react to this situation We'd probably just drop out of the swinging scene without telling anyone.

[EvilMJ 65]

I gotta agree with LM. It is not as easy as you think to contact people who have moved. In my work we were recently trying to locate someone who worked with us a few years ago for a court case ....it took an awful lot to find this guy and he only lived 45 minutes away.

 

If you have this list..how much time and money are you willing to spend to track down people that could have moved years ago??

 

Personally, i think that anytime someone is going to be using my name/personal information I want to be notified well in advance. That way I have the option to say no thanks. I don't think anyone should have that kind of right to do this without my persmission. The idea behind it may be admirable, but if that information gets into the wrong hands, or is used for a purpose other than what it intended then it could be disasterous for me.

[sereneiders 263]

WildMiCouple said:

For the Health Department to contact you.......it means that the couple with the STD would have had to be keeping a list. I'd bet less than 10% of us swingers keeps such a list. I'd also be surprised that a couple that kept such a list......and tested positive for an STD, would turn over that list to the Health Department. Nothing like broadcasting your troubles to a close knit community, no matter how "moral" it would be. I certainly wouldn't expect such a call telling us "so and so has an STD and we'd better get tested". Which begs another question........if you contacted an STD, would you let the Health Department know of all the previous partners that you've had.....at least those that you know their names We don't have any close friends that we play with regularly in the lifestyle to inform, if it were to happen to us.....so I'm not exactly sure how we would react to this situation We'd probably just drop out of the swinging scene without telling anyone.

I agree with txduo about being unable to control what other people does with the info they get, but most important, I believe the quoted post hits in the nail here.

 

But there could be a way to balance the responsibility pointed out at the beginning, the concerns about privacy, and a way to ensure to keep track of the people who's interested to know if a previous partner got an STD.

 

There could be a service in the web, an opt in list that doesn't track nor keep any personal data (not even a mail) except and user name and password. Once subscribed the user could generate as many random keys as they want to give it to other subscribers, provided that those keys are related with the original user name who requested them (thus, you may not even have to give the same key twice to third people, nor anyone have a clue of who's user it belongs, and even when hacking the service, the user name would not lead to the actual user). Then, you could login into the service and keep a log with the keys you got from your partners, and inform the service if you got an STD for the service to warn the ones whose keys are in your log (and even work in chain passing trough the warning to others). Thy would be warned by mail (if the users choose to leave a mail address) or just when they login again later on.

 

Well... this is just an idea that someone may pick up and implement if he or she think it have some worth (since most ideas I use to have doesn't )

[luv2play1021 15]

I think quite a few people keep a list of people they play with. It may just not be in that form. Think about it.... A lot of people, us included, like to chat with people before we decide to meet or after we meet if we hit it off. You would keep that person or couple on your yahoo friends list if you use that chat system. Then on top of that, if they give you their phone numbers, you may have that in there too. So thinking about it that way, I believe a lot of people do have "play" lists. Yes, you may not have played with everyone that you have on your friends list, but most people could pick out everyone on there that they've played with.

[curiousagain 326]

I have to ask. If you keep a formal list with names, dates, places, and such. Do you inform potential swing partners of this in the initial stages of meeting them?

[txduo2000 18]

I guess in a way, I would liken the lists to an address book. I don't ask my friends and relatives if I can put them in my address book. It's just a means to remember how to get in touch with someone that you want to continue some sort of contact.

 

I don't really see the problem as long as it is not being used for evil purposes . And I don't see the problem as long as it included only their name and contact information. No bra sizes, no penis lengths, no sexually graphic descriptors have any need to be on such a list.

 

I think the idea that keeping it for Health Department possibilities is a little far-reaching, as I agree with the previous poster who said that everyone would need to be keeping a list of sorts in order for any contact by the Health Department to be successful. But if that's pairbond's purpose, then we do not actually have any reason to suppose otherwise.

[luv2play1021 15]

exactly txduo....everyone has to have some sort of "address book"

[Vespertine 31]

I have a Who TO DO list.

 

Does that count?

 

We don't keep a record of our experiences. I have some numbers in my cell phone and a mental file of people, places and things... but nothing written down.

[Spoomonkey 421]

When we swing at our club, we do not always exchange e-mails and occasionally we do not get names. We practice safe sex and we enjoy ourselves.

 

If a couple asked us for our names so they could make their "ultra responsible list" we would simply find someone else to play with.